anxiouscritter

[anxiouscritter]

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

[anxiouscritter]

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[anxiouscritter]

[anxiouscritter]

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

[anxiouscritter]

im gonna [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] enter the astral plane

[anxiouscritter]

Work is evil. Work is unkind. Work is the special interest killer.

[anxiouscritter]

Unreliable narrators are one hell of an idea. You can just write whatever, and if a reader points out "hey the way this scene happened should not be physically possible if it's done the way this character described it", you can just be like "yeah I don't trust that fucker either."

[anxiouscritter]

Did i ever post this here

[anxiouscritter]

as we all know, red dragons breathe right-channel audio, white dragons breathe left-channel audio, and yellow dragons breathe video.

[anxiouscritter]

Throughout all of history, mankind has never created a more precise measuring tool than the infallible "eyeballin' it."

[anxiouscritter]

“I hate school I’m sorry Malala”- Funny yet poignant. Acknowledges both the difficulty of the task and the fact that doing that task is a privilege. Gives credit to the people who fought for that privilege with a tongue in cheek acknowledgement of the irony of the initial statement

“I’m just a girl I should be home baking bread not doing calculus” - at best historically uninformed at worst leaps decades back in time. Refusal to acknowledge the charged history of education and slights the centuries of women’s labor it took to reach this point

[anxiouscritter]

Don’t fucking underestimate the power of my undiagnosed and unmedicated mental illnesses bitch

[anxiouscritter]

This is driving me nuts

[anxiouscritter]

sometimes i struggle to use the word ‘bootlicker’ in a negative sense because of sexual desires i will not disclose here

[anxiouscritter]

somewhat virgin olive oil

[anxiouscritter]

i think it is important to recognize the ways in which your favorite thing sucks. i think it keeps u normal

[anxiouscritter]

You fucking wish the author was dead. The author is on twitter