apatheticdiary

[apatheticdiary]

Merry Christmas, may you find hope, strength, love, and salvation in Christ.

[apatheticdiary]

Social Anxiety

My friends, I know I haven’t really been active on anything except mainly perusing my main haunts which usually includes Gab, Twitter, and my Google News feed. This is mainly because I have found a few things that are making it more difficult for me to participate in my inner workings. I’ve developed some mental health issues in this “new world” and it has made this whole world crazy. I realize that I’ve fought most of this pressure, but I developed some social anxiety along the way. I historically have been known for my ability to socialize despite it not being common in my field. I’ve found that I’ve started having a sense of dread at the concept of someone coming over and going in public. With my job I’ve been able to remain in my house sometimes weeks at a time without leaving the house. With COVID, it’s now acceptable to cancel any public appearance at the drop of a dime over having the sniffles, which being married with multiple kids comes all the more.  I have a Gab account to allow me to speak my mind whenever I feel but even on there I rarely say anything because I fear having to go through the responding process. Our world has changed so drastically in my lifetime, when I was born, people had to use mail, meet in person, or talk to someone on the phone to do any kind of business. Now I can order my groceries and get them delivered to my front door without ever talking to someone. It is an amazing feat of technology but is devastation to our moral and our society. Now we’ve got a society that’s been attempting to push us to do nothing but support giant corporations while talking out the other side of our mouth at how horrible that is. I use to have friends that were so anti-pharmaceutical that the thought of their profits triggered them into hours of complaining. Those same people now look at me and my family who haven’t been vaccinated and act like we are black sheep and avoid talking to us at all it feels.

Don’t get me wrong on this, I struggle with object permanence with my friends and family. I often go over a month without talking to my best friends (especially now). I have struggled to make friends for years because of this. I just felt that I was putting all the blame on society’s obsession with hypochondriac lifestyles right now. I’m just pointing that society has been pushing me even further in this direction.

Let me bring this back around to be more important than a rant of isolationism. I would be remiss if I didn’t get to the root and the battle that’s at work here. Christ made for himself a bride that is composed of his church, the collection of believers that he has called to himself. In our hearts, we have feelings that often conflict with the gospel. Our calling is to his church; our calling is to a community. In this we often give ourselves reasons as to why it’s okay or ways that allow us to live in fear when Christ gives us rest from our fears. He knows we need his community, to behave as I have and to allow the behavior, I have seen progress without attempting to stop it. That indeed is sin. When we fear above what God has called us to, we are not walking in his way. Does this mean we are without hope? Absolutely not, we have Christ, the forgiver of our sins. This is what we can do, we can rejoice, repent, and turn to Christ and his church. Separation from the body of Christ is the work of Satan and his demons. We are in a battle not of flesh and blood.. This is a spiritual battle and Christ is victorious. May we always remember that this world is full of spiritual battles, not just the battles we have with our own flesh.

[apatheticdiary]

It has been a while and we know it would be great if the reason was Apathetic was no longer the reason, am I right? No, it's not.. probably worse than before at this point but I am so stressed that I'm struggling to survive. Things have taken a path towards no personal life at all. I honestly feel like I can't most weeks. Lately I've been dealing with back pain on top of my normal pains, the days I can get out, I can't, or can't for long. Lots have changed since I was last active. Some better, some worse, and some of the same. I have been more utilized at work and my resourcefulness to getting my cases done is noticed. The problem is I'm not doing s good job at balance. It has been good for a few weeks, we got more people that can take cases and that has lightened my load, but before that I was ready to rage quit. Which I am not in a good spot financially for that to be a thing, but it has gotten my feelers out when I didn't think I would. I am working hours like my last job (or worse) but I'm getting cases that last days instead of most cases lasting only hours. That is taking a toll on me and is likely the reason I'm typing this out at 12:15 in the morning. I do need sleep and will be getting some stuff at least later this month in line. Pray for me and my family, we are currently all sick and worn out. Also keep my work situation in your prayers as well. Thank you and God Bless.

[apatheticdiary]

Happy New Year

This year has been totally crazy and totally useless in so many ways. I am glad it has come to an end and glad that the last two months have been very somewhat different from the rest personally. I’m crazy excited about what this new year will bring as there’s so many differences from previous that I’m not sure how we’ll deal with it all. New job, new stress level, new year, new hobbies(I will try to see what I can do with that in the future) and so much more. I hope things are looking up for you and your families as well. May God be gracious to us in the coming year, may he remove the plagues and many other devastating things that we’ve been going through. Lord, may we turn to you in repentance and faith as this year ends, may our hearts be renewed by your spirit. I also may be having some new things in the next few months that might be cool.

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[apatheticdiary]

Past Christmas

As our Christmas gets wrapped up, I hope everyone enjoyed their time with their families and friends. This year, we had a completely new experience with my new job being a great success financially. Next year will hopefully be even better and hopefully everyone will enjoy what we got for them. I’m excited to have enough money to get my kids nice presents this year and to be able to give things to family because we have been hurting so much financially the past decade that this feels like finally we’re seeing financial blessings come our way.

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[apatheticdiary]

Merry Christmas

As hopefully you gather for the holiday, maybe in secret or against local ordinances, I hope you enjoy time with your families and friends. The season is about Christ and his coming to earth and us being able to come together and worship him and worship with one another. This includes the gospel to your family. I pray the world heals from this horrible year and may it turn back to Christ in repentance and faith. God bless you and may you and your family enjoy this Christmas together.

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[apatheticdiary]

Ideas

I have been looking at this page for like 30 minutes in the last couple days trying to figure out what I want to write about. This has been considerably harder than previously, but I’m trying to focus on getting it done. I spent so much time away from here that I feel I have somewhat failed for a while and that’s not how I want to be. This year has been difficult in so many ways. I welcome 2021 for so many reasons. Next year will be completely different from this year. I have some milestones coming by mid next year that my life will be crazy different.

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[apatheticdiary]

Walking

I have been struggling to get out and walk since I started my new job, part of it is because I’m not on a schedule and if I am on a schedule it’s a bit different than what I was doing. Once we start to get in the groove, I’ll be able to better set my schedule, but currently I’m more in training than I’m being forced to work on jobs. It’s just weird because this position is so different but I’m going to struggle with my health if I don’t find a groove.

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[apatheticdiary]

TV Time

Things have been weird recently and we’ve had a chance to watch a bit of tele. More than usual at least. We haven’t had the kids for part of the last few weeks and it’s been rejuvenating but I have for sure been wasting some time, but it’s been rather relaxing in between jobs. I’m not being forced to do so much at once and I’m getting a chance to wind down. What kind of shows are out there that you enjoy?

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[apatheticdiary]

New Job

I got a new job, I know I was just talking about how I was trying to find work and it is a great way to end this year of hell. It was a lot more pay and I couldn’t pass it up. On top of that, the amount of work is going to be considerably less than what I was doing. Even if I try to jump on some grenades, it will likely fall considerably easier than my previous job. I haven’t started really doing my position yet, but I’m excited.

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[apatheticdiary]

Elected Officially, maybe

I held off talking about the results, or lack-there-of in this election. I found it incredibly weird to see Biden win. It boggles my mind because with his history and his mental state, why they would elect him knowing that a crooked cop/prosecutor will likely become president. She was the first one that had to drop out of the presidential run and even Tulsi got more votes than her. I’m just blown away by it. We’ll see how the electors vote, but likely going to be a Biden win unless Biden can’t make it that long, he’s already broke his foot. We’ll see how everything goes.

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[apatheticdiary]

Thanksgiving

So, everything for Thanksgiving is absolutely crazy, this whole COVID-19 crap is getting way out of hand. People are being told to not visit their families and some people being stuck in isolation during one of the biggest family gatherings of the year. Just crazy. I was a possible exposure and though they had it, we tested negative. After this year of fun, I’m ready to get my antibodies tested just so I know if I have them because I’m tired of having to feel like everyone is going to say I’m a killer because I go in public. If I’m immune, they can’t say anything. If I don’t have antibodies, I’m going to be the first in line for the vaccine because this is beyond stupid at this point because we are literally ignoring any other possibilities of death and placing it on COVID. They removed an article where they showed you how to research this concept – the death rate isn’t up despite COVID numbers, meaning this thing as previously explained is rarely killing people who likely wouldn’t have died from another sickness because of their health conditions. All the craziness over the holiday all lead down to being nothing, because you are considered COVID until proven innocent + 14 days in prison.

[apatheticdiary]

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone, I appreciate all of you guys pray you all have an enjoyable time with family, rather in person or virtually. I will be with my family enjoying time together and hopefully getting some sleep in as I took my vacation around Thanksgiving this year. May you always realize your blessings and be keen on what you should be thankful for in a world full of people with no gratitude. God Bless.

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[apatheticdiary]

Homesteading Troubles

So this past week has been the biggest craziness I have had homesteading since we began tending Fowl 4 years ago. I have had one duck die unexpectantly with no signs until about 30 seconds before it happened, I had a duck injure a leg, I had a chicken that decided she was no longer going to walk, caught two raccoons by my coops, and saw a opossum running from the scene at one point. It has been busy trying to take care of everything because of that. I think we may have ruled out a disease that was contagious, though when everything happened it seemed like it all may have been related, but we basically covered all our bases until we could separate all the issues out. What was feared was a disease that was causing sudden paralysis, but the duck showed no signs of paralysis prior to the freak out and falling over dead in water. The other duck was limping like crazy and we thought it was related to the chicken but I think she may have injured herself getting in and out of the nesting boxes (designed for the chickens to have an area away from the ducks not designed for the ducks at all). So now I have our oldest chicken left to worry about, she just started eating and drinking again last night (it’s been several days) but I’m hopeful she’ll get better, or at least the last few days of her life were relatively peaceful in comparison, I guess.

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[apatheticdiary]

Lockdowns

Will America allow it again? There is no doubt this season will be filled with mayors and governors who will shut down the economy again in an attempt to slow COVID again. These have proven to be worse than the disease itself but those governors know that no one will blame them for people committing suicide or for spousal abuse or any of the other issues that come from this fear mongering. It will be seen as a historic act to protect people from COVID against the republican stance. Regardless of what the republican stance is. It will be a dark winter as Biden says in states where lockdowns are going to come out in full swing again. May we get this vaccine distributed so we can wipe it away.

Like What You See? Please Consider Contributing to Apathetic’s Patreon Page at https://the.adinc.dev/blog

[apatheticdiary]

New Work

As mentioned before I have been looking for new work for a while now, I haven’t been offered anything yet and this whole pandemic has put it on the back burner. I have had prospects, but most of them either won’t pay me anything near what I need or have ghosted me. I feel that not responding to someone after you told them you would move forward with interviews is rather rude but it’s apparently commonplace even though the interviewee follows up. I’m still hopeful, but I’m not expecting anything particularly before the end of the year. We’ll see.

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[apatheticdiary]

Equipment

I have been debating on upgrading my network equipment, I have two ways to look at it, one is that I’m not sure I truly care enough to upgrade, it would be nice, but the other is I want to make the upgrade to something more complex, but I don’t have a complex network. For someone inside of IT and frequently give recommendations on equipment, my clients are the ones that get the awesome equipment on my cases. While I sit fairly broke wishing I had a need for something as interesting. I could obviously make a need for something more interesting, but I don’t have much time that isn’t dedicated to other projects. I know I have faster internet than most of my peers but I only did that so we wouldn’t be charged for our usage because we stream constantly across the network. I’ve also looked into the idea of having a local Netflix box, but apparently, they don’t like that being in customer locations for obvious reasons. I removed my limit because I was tired of streaming kids’ movies repeatedly enough to hit the 1TB limit every couple months.

Like What You See? Please Consider Contributing to Apathetic’s Patreon Page at https://the.adinc.dev/blog