apologiesmilord

[apologiesmilord]

[apologiesmilord]

all that said the guy with my car insurance company who answered the phone was so fucking funny. he had a heavy Georgia accent which endeared me to him immediately and he was sooo worried about me and apologetic that there was no one to send to my aid and I said "that's okay. if i end up missing though they're gonna interview you as the last person who heard from me. what if there's a documentary?" and he said "ooooooo, can I start drama?" I said, "well, what kind?" And he said, "I'm gonna tell them you said you saw a green flash in the sky over the field and I heard strange voices then the line went dead."

genuinely obsessed with him to this very day.

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[apologiesmilord]

[apologiesmilord]

i hope earthworms prosper and think of us fondly when they take over the world and rule over us

Do they not already rule the soil in ways we still struggle to understand? And through it, us as well? Any notion of the mastery of humanity over the Worm and its earth is illusory at best.

When I go outside, I see a landscape permanently and irreversibly transformed by their presence and persistence. There are pounds and pounds of them out there for every ounce of me, and every day they pass matter through their bowels to build the very ground I walk on. And yet how easy they are to ignore!

[apologiesmilord]

Cat is always watching

[apologiesmilord]

Hi, Derin! Love your work. Question: do you like/have you read the Perfectly Normal Football Article?

I've gotten partway through it and then put it aside because it was very clearly the kind of thing that I was going to have a lot of thoughts about and would need a lot of attention. I haven't found space to finish it yet.

I got up to the part where the lightbulb was destroyed.

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being a 17776 fan feels like chewing drywall. guys. guys this story ostensibly about american football changed me. no guys you should read it - well when I say read I mean experience it really - no no it's online it's free - no it won't break your computer this is normal it's okay i promise it's not even really about football. well no actually it's about satellites. yeah the Jupiter Explorer is in it and they're a little shit. yeah no the gender binary doesn't exist in 17776. yes i meant 17776 not 1776. it's not even really about satellites. it is though. please i am begging you read this it changed me.

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Hey everyone guess whose birthday it is!!

Happy birthday Juice!! Everyone throw some lunchables into space for our friend Juice

[apologiesmilord]

Happy Everyone Stopped Aging Day!! Only one more year until we become immortal and invent football but weirder

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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would meet someone for 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[apologiesmilord]

a graph based on my observations

[apologiesmilord]

[apologiesmilord]

never work a job with twelve hour shifts. because then you will have to work twelve hour shifts

[apologiesmilord]

There was a roman general named Marcus Licinius Cradsus. His son was, famously, killed by Parthian horse archers after he foolishly demanded his troops pursue a false retreat. Parthian horse archers who developed the famous "parthian shot" maneuver for accurately firing, with a bow and arrow, atop a speeding horse, backwards. A technique developed specifically for murdering the shit out of people chasing a false retreat.

There is a Tumblr RP blog for Marcus Licinius Crassus. An entire blog dedicated to pretending to be Roman general Marcus Licinius Crassus. I have interacted with him exactly once; during a post I made about how Tumblr users would easily be killed by horse archers. Almost nobody got the joke.

But I got it Crassus. I got it.

[apologiesmilord]

reminder that 30 isn’t old, it’s very normal to not accomplish everything in your 20s, and that it is never too late to learn that thing you’ve always wanted to learn. you’re always growing. that’s a good thing. 

[apologiesmilord]