approachme4fun

[approachme4fun]

The Sunsetting Of TCM (My Complete thoughts)

I needed a couple of days on this,to gather my thoughts.

It was pretty much like how Slash N Cast adressed it,i too got partly excited,partly worried about people saying there was a TCM update. (I got it like 1-2 hours after it had been published)

I guess i for the most part,knew that the day was coming. I just sort of lived in denial and with a false hope that GUN and Sunset Tower would magicly pull themselfs together,and catch up to promised content,and go ahead working on schedule with future content.

Im clicking on theyr link to have the announcement up,and the moment i start to read line after line after line,with that same old egotastic GUN bullshit,my head already prepared me for the "just cut to the actual fucking case,and tell me exactly what is happening" lines.

Thing is...... i stood behind GUN for the longest,longer then most of you playing the game,or doging on them after having played the game in the past,or never even played it,only watched streams of it.

I even defended Matt for his "im sorry youre going through some things" stream,because i thought he did a good job,considering that he was all alone,as Wes had fallen sick. Its alot for just 1 person to handle,so i thought he handled things well.

Thing is,i really look for the good in people. Im a motivator and positive guy on others behalf,and i really like alot of people in GUN. (Or so i thought..... maybe some in the actual team that never gets vocal in social medias,are just that........ amazing individuals,i wouldnt be shocked)

But as things were coming towards the end,even i started to see the pattern of either provocative,disrespectful,cocky public statements from GUN reps,or a complete lack of anything,even with information about the games future,wich has pissed multiple people off since launch.

There is no doubt in my mind,that GUN shot themselfs in the foot,already the moment they announced that Sumo would no longer be working on the game,and they had brought in Black Tower once more. (Who had already shown how prone to breaking shit ingame they were,with taking over for Illfonic in Friday The 13th)

The transition of bringing them in,took way too long,although its a understanding process in regards to time. Not only will an entire new team have to properly settle themselfs on a new playground,they also need to go through another dev teams coding,learn it and then go to work. Its a slow process that requires some time.

But GUN had at this point already fallen behind. YES,Sumo had some months were they came abit late with content patches,BUT it wasnt anywhere near how Black Tower has been for the past year or so. And Sumo put out patches and content that didnt break a fuckton of other stuff. It was for the most part with some small exceptions (minor bugs),solid patches. AND theyr outfits were EYECANDY! Colours that actually fitted each character,and details i could appreciate in forms of the tiniest details like patterns,prints on theyr clothes,as well as accessories.

There is NO doubt in my mind,that Sumo Nottingham should have never left TCM! I even read on Twitter that representatives for Sumo Nottingham,expressed theyr sadness over the end of content announcement of TCM,and wished they still were able to keep working on the project,as they felt they had soo much more to do with the game. With broke my heart,as it shows what also other people been saying: Sumo treated TCM like theyr baby,as they had multiple horror fans in theyr team. A kind of team i would want to be the main devs for a livefeed asymm horror game like TCM.

Dont get me wrong,i remember that when Black Tower had properly settled in,they were pumping out patches! (But also breaking a ton of shit along the way) I remember them "cooking awhole lot" in theyr first months of development.

But lets not forget how underwhelming the patches and content put out there was. And i didnt start out as a Black Tower hater,you few who follows me and has followed me through thick and thin with TCM,on and off the game. You will remember me loving theyr name and logo. It made me think of LOTR-Two Towers,and theyr logo seems very horror inspired. I just hoped and begged that they had improved since Friday The 13th.

And in a way they had,visually theyr graveyard map is nothing but impressive,although its gameplay wise a trockload of stinky shit. It took them a loooooong time,but when they dropped that map along theyr own created characters,they actually impressed me somewhat.

People got theyr hopes up,but not for long as Black Tower twindled back into old sins shortly thereafter.

I say like Nic from Slash N cast: Are they working on the game at all? Where are they? Send out the missing persons posters!

So i have no doubt in my mind,that GUN and Black Tower had abit of a falling out,it was destined to happen with how far behind BTS had gotten. GUN barely made any money on them with new content for the absolute majority of a year.

Didnt help that for the absolute most part,Art Bully Productions outfits for the game,were seriously underwhelming and actually quite depressing! Some good exceptions towards the end were made,ill give them that. Summertime Outfit Pack,All Denim Outfit Pack and Sunday Best Outfit Pack seemed to be Art Bully outdoing themselfs. And they overall made Ana some nice outfit packs,but completely butchered Connie,Julie,Virginia,Leland,Sonny (for the most part,his last outfit pack is actually his best!) Sissy and many more. I refuse to believe that this was due to "restrictions from the licence holders". Alot of lazy editing and recolouring of already existing outfits,removing Hands`s vest and calling it a new outfit. WHile GUN stated how much time they spent researching outfits,bla bla bla,that every outfit from GUN would be completely unique from the other one,and what not...... Yeah rrrrrrright!

But lets not put aside the fact that GUN in all of this,who is supposed to be the heads that takes away the pressure from the actual devs,whos supposed to keep theyr own customers and playerbase informed,who is supposed to do some sort of compensation while people have to wait,even if its just a weekend of double XP,who is supposed to take accountability for theyr own wrong doings or sayings,and come off as a likeable bunch of guys and gals,rarely or never did just that.

Wich pisses me off to the highest freakin order! Because i tried soooooo hard to believe in them,i had my hopes up even when the entire playerbase seemed to only be negative and had given up on them.

The last thing i would have expected of them,if they ended up sunsetting the game,was to apologize and take accountability for them having to "close down shop",and give us some clarity into why.

They arent supposed to throw theyr own dev team under the bus by any means,but there are ways to go around it,but giving believable explanations. (Besides,GUN never shy`d away from blaming Illfonic for all the bugs,and everything wrong with Friday The 13th,and later on blaming the copyright/licence holders......even if rightfully so)

For them to be abandoning the game after a year and a half,a game that was thriving in playerbase after the train of new PS+ people that seems neverending (I keep seeing brand spanking new players in this game,even after the announcement of no more content!)

Makes me believe and say with confident words that GUN knew from way back,that they would shut down the game in May. This type of decision is not something you take lightly on (If that would happen to be the case with GUN,its more alarming then anything,so lets give them a benefit of the doubt there,if anything) And that makes the whole "sales on DLC content",while the massive PS+ deal was active,all the more scammy and disrespectful towards theyr playerbase!!!(And most of all,towards the brand new PS+ players who has come in,fell in love with the game,and bought a TON of DLCs)

I remember AimzAtChus husband Unumz had been in a match with one of those new entries from PS+,Unumz had noticed that his voice seemed choked up throughout this match,and asked if he was okay?

The guy told him: "I have bought all this dlc for this game,in wich i have fallen completely in love with,and today i felt like a got slapped in the face and punched in the gut,by reading GUNs announcement!"

I teared up when Aimz told us that interactions. Unumz had cut his stream short that same day,he felt too bummed out to even continue.

Anyhow,i apologize,i have a tendency to fall out of subject,i have my natural reasons for doing so,but lets fall back to GUN on this.

Them openly scamming soo many people,im sure thousands at this point,made me reach a tough conclusion: I will no longer be supporting any of GUNs new projects! Because that is something you expect from fishy ass "never heard of them before" dev teams you see in the Steam store on PC,having some kickstarter game,only for that "dev team" to gather in money,and run away from the project.

Its not something you would expect from a well known dev publishing team as GUN Media/Interactive!

There was no heartfelt goodbyes,there was no reassurance of one last community check in,for more clarification. There was no heartfelt thank you for anyone that had given theyr everything into TCM as a game. In that long pile of garbage they called an announcement of the games future,they were egotripping themselfs,and lying to everyones face,claiming the game had reached its full potential,and that there was no more content to be had. (Wich is wrong,as dataminers have found upcoming content files to be IN THE GAME ALREADY! And most of them have a status as completed. Hell,Scout has been posting that she has done new MoCap sessions for the new female victim,Damian admitted that he has done new voicelines for Johnny,wich was his "favourites thys far!",so much stuff wich GUN has invested in with alot of money,and youre telling me theyr just gonna scrap it for all eternity? Thats a huge loss,but for GUNs wallet,and for the game,and for theyr credibility going forward as game publishers!)

Lets not forget how many times GUN has stated bombastic things about outfits,about balancing of the game etc etc,only to go the completely opposite way,just a couple of-few months down the road!

Then there was all those extended vacations and breaks,while managing a livefeed asymm horror licenced game,wich was pretty fresh on the market too. They fell even more behind then,and none of theyr community managers did inform us of anything while those vacation breaks were active. GUN Put themselfs in the dirt pretty much,so how dare they claim to have reached a full potential with TCM? This game has sooooo much potential left in it! Just with Sissy alone,probably one of the most exciting and best characters created,alot thanks to Kristina Klebes amazing take on her! Her lore can be endless in forms of content! Sissy even deserves her own mode ingame!

I couldnt believe what i was reading,when i read that announcement!

What would GUN have done,to make me continue to support theyr games?

Released the remaining content! I get it,if things were like Friday The 13th,not finished by any means,im totally fine with it not being released or worked overtime on,when a decision to abandon the game has been announced. But as i already said,content we were promised,plus what has been leaked,is in the game files and has a status as completed. Some final income for GUN,a more pleased community,better times ahead.

Taken accountability for what they did wrong,along the way,i love a dev team that gets off theyr high horses and processes what they can do better,going forward. By being cocky and "flawless" wich GUN constantly gives you a feeling of being,just makes me ditch any of your projects,as you are completely untrustworthy and seriously unlikeable.

They could have promised us to keep the servers on for as long as theyr game and dlcs intend to be available in stores with all the massive sales they promise to keep doing for an unseeable future apparently. Come on! Thats soo rotten,to shut down servers wich makes this game actually playable AND SAFER to play (Hackers can have direct access to you in a P2P) At least leave with some dignity and goodwill,as you are running off with tons of income from all those PS+ people recently buying most or all of the dlcs. I have never thought this badly about Bhvr,and i hate Bhvr more then anything lol.

Maybe a little thing,but i wish they left us eventually with bots in the game. So for example i could visit a custom match every once in awhile,and if i wanted i could active a Johnny bot while playing as a Julie,or a full on family bot trio looking for me. Oooor,being a Johnny myself,with or without 2 bot family,playing against bot victims. THAT would have comforted me on days where i missed this game too much,and i knew i would no longer be able to crossplay or invite anyone because of P2P and perhaps too long of a distance thing (you just get instantly kicked from lobbies and/or matches for high ping) Bots in this game,would make a world of difference for me personally. Because im not ready to see this game die already..... I didnt think this would hit me harder then with Friday The 13th,but it does. I never got relationships and soo many feedbacks that changed my days,my months,my entire life as i have gotten from TCM. This is soo much more then just a game for me! And im not ready to see it die,not after barely 1 and a half years!

I hope and pray that Sumo Nottingham,Illfonic or whoever manages to negotiate over the licencing rights,to continue working on this game! That is all. -Approach Out- (I hope to see some of you many times still,in TCM!I will not abandon this ship,until its shred into pieces like the Titanic)

[approachme4fun]

Why Im Over MissBanshee....Finally

Lovelife Ended

Since my last blogpost,MissBanshee went ahead and made a horrendes "hang Approach out to dry",camoed as a "adressing the situation". Where she without any sort of proof,tossed at me personality traits as a Stalker,a Weirdo and a Creep.

Like Theo Von said when a prostitute called him a pervert and a creep: "Well,im defintly not a creep!".

Stalking? Make it make sence that someone who has been deeply in love with you daily going on the 6th month and therefor for almost half a year fully,overnight turns into a stalker???? It doesnt make any fucking sence,from one day being sweet love and someone neither can get enough of,to the other day: fucking weirdo,fucking creep,fucking stalker!!! (Your own words on a stream!)

None of my friends who looks at us both as friends,or at least tries to look at the entire situation as objectively as possible,states that you have no reason to call a super recent boyfriend turned ex by you,a stalker/weirdo/creep.

Again,i adressed this in a Twitter article,how i have withnessed own female family members getting new IDs and a new location to live,top secret,to be protected against stalkers. They wanted the individual both mental and physical harm. I could NEVER hurt YOU intentionally! You know this better then anyone else,you said so yourself countless of times: "you dont have a bad bone in your body".

If i unintentionally hurt you,then i will fall to my knees and apologize the very moment i become aware! Well,if you let me that is......and i have proven this time and time again,its all in our endless amount of discord conversations over these almost full 6 months.

You also called me a creep? Only creep im looking at myself as in between,is when i listen to Radioheads song Creep.

Whatever you thought you had on me,to legitimize hanging me out to dry as all that,you DONT! But you did it anyway,wich proves to me not just that i invested alot more into our relationship,but you also dont feel anything for me.

You had a chance to highlight my good sides too over 2 fucking hours of hanging me out to dry,where you indirectly at first encouraged people to attack my twitter,and people in your own community to make up wild stories about me being married to children (one of your new mods btw),while the other sugardaddy Mod took things completely out of context,to show theyr true fucking colours!

And other people you said you disliked personally,and hadnt even been in your streams in forever,all of a sudden were there talking massive smack about me.

And yes,someone that is being shut out of someones life they have literally lived for the last half year,will be searching up streams to see how you cope with the breakup yourself,if you mention them at all for some closure,if anything. I would find it really fucking cold and unusual if someones partner DIDNT look up theyr partner in a similar situation.

I admit,my amount of text at certain social medias was abit too much,ideally speaking. But i was desperate for some answers,some closure so i knew what the fuck was happening,and quite frankly....had you answered me,put some effort yourself into the mix,alot of what you reacted so badly upon would never have been mentioned. I know this,and you know this.

Makes me wonder how much your mom really did read,if she was of such a bombastic impression of me. Didnt bother to tell her how i actually treated you day in and day out,for almost full half year hah?

Figures...... it seems to be an ongoing thing with you,while my whole idea was to also highlight your good sides and abilities wich i love.....or loved. Because they are now just imagination to me......never real. Something you can thank yourself for......

I have never mistreated anyone like you described on your "hang out Approach" stream. Funny that i should start with you,when it all has been explained with me being exhausted (no sleep),pain wich also resulted in deep depression,dumb reversed psychology was also in the mix,plus i was already upset over the latest neglect.

Blame me for waiting and waiting,staring at the wall,then back on discord,starting to do other stuff while waiting,as i thought your internet really was out for soo long,only to find you in a lobby with the same people you claimed to me that you had told: "Only me and my mans are gonna hang out this weekend!" Is it really soo much to ask for,to get a heads up? You knew this from previous neglects,how my head gets messed up over knowing only after the damage is done.

You need to update me!!!! Its soo easy to avoid these types of arguments,geezus fucking christ!!! You knew about my past of hurting and huge mistrust towards women,and you repeatedly promised me that you would never......

I kept my promise at least,i fucked up massively ONE TIME,and thats when you block me,when the depression is thick as a mist on my words! You know i would never break up with you,it was depression talk! So when i realized you had blocked me,it gave a ping in my head,i got super worried,regretful.....i just wanted to embrace you right away,reassure you that i would never go anywhere.

Then i get a screenshot sent of you saying to Megyhs that youre gonna do "a tactical death and give Megyhs your twitch". Thats when i really got scared of losing you,and i became even more desperate of getting you to talk to me!

CANT YOU SEE IT???!!!!!! *Smacks my own head real hard* If you only used your head for a tiny bit,instead of being soo stuck up in your own onesided imagination of me all of a sudden.

We both went into our relationship knowing about us both having mental health issues. I treated you and that fact with the outmost respect! I only stomped abit in the salad 1 time over a half a year period,and i have not stopped punishing me over going on 2 weeks straight now,for that massive blunder.

I should have never talked to you that morning,how harsh it sounds i should have made sure that i was more lightheaded first.

But now knowing how you are not only on another guy already,but you do the exact same things together in discord that we used to do etc,makes it obvious to be soo much more then just a joke that your excuse was on the "hang out Approach" stream.

Its like you defintly had this planned. You even did a full 180 on the emotes we spent so much time planning,only thing you kept was your Stitch theme. Everything else you got wrid of real fast.

Yeah....you were never as invested in the relationship as i was.

Only reason im able to write this,is because i actually tried to eat something for the first time in probably a week+s time,and unfortunately i threw it up again,im really messed up over this.....

Because of the vomiting i started shaking uncontrollably,it got soo massive that i thought my heart was gonna stop,then i blacked out (my whole body was shaking uncontrollably) I was exhausted....

I came to myself with a pounding headache,and a back that had locked itself,also being in pain. Yeah,this is the "creep,weirdo and stalker" you described alright....

You know creepers and stalkers shut off theyr emotions pretty well right,as they often got some fucked up mental illnes thing too? They dont care as warmly and passionate about theyr loved one,as i did with you.

Are you proud of yourself now,MissBanshee__? Will you tell your mom that you were in your wrongs to cast these personality traits on me? Nah,i think you thrive being in your position right now.

Interesting how your new sugardaddy is donating all over the place now,to kiss ass and get connections,it all seems very fake. I never hated on him for gifting subs btw,as you wrongfully claimed recently,with your immatured "dodging the actual problem",by taking things out of context. I used him as an example over someone you honestly barely know compared to me,and still you warned me by donating too much money on you,as you had blocked friends in the past who did this.

You wanted to refund me my 10K bits i once gave you,but you said nothing against your new sugardaddy "bestie bestie bestie" after barely knowing them a couple of weeks+,when he not only went over me in bitties in total,but on top of that gifted subs and bought shit from your throne.

Oh yeah,i have been building my case alright. I dont care much for your lame excuses anymore. You cant wiggle your way out of these facts.

One of your community members has even impersonated me,trying to make it sound like i called you ugly. HAH! Look at my twitter reply to this very thing. I always defended you,even now when you turned me into an emotional mess,and im barely clinging onto life really.

And i told you this was gonna happen,if i ended up falling for you,and you shut me out of your life or stabbed me in my back/in my heart....

But you still did.....

I got my blame to take for this argument leading up to it,where i wish i kept a clear head,loved you and agreed to us spending time together. Instead of suffering,losing my cool.....then deciding to take a breather on my own,where the plan was to make you happy again the next morning. It all sounded soo easy in my head.....then that morning came,and i wasnt myself at all.

But you didnt exactly help.....when you saw me in that state of mind,you should have said "Babe,i love you!" or "Babe,are you okay?".

Those works as "pings" in my head,i manage to shift focus/break out of the pattern and by focusing on you still loving me,i will also focus on giving you my love. And i start feeling better.......

But you expected me on your "hang me out to dry stream",to do it all by just asking for reassurance? Has it ever occured to you,that my mind doesnt function like that whenever im that "messed up"?

It doesnt happen often thankfully,thats why i often kept my distance abit. Not to be an asshole,but i wanted to protect you incase i bursted out something spontaneous i later on regret.

You seemed totally fine with it,the few times it happened and i managed to avoid us having missunderstandings over it.

And btw,Mei/Meijika offered herself/himself (i dont know if theyre all an act or what,but several people do question this individual) to reach out to you on my behalf,AFTER i had reassured them that they didnt have to do anything on my behalf.

They said they had thought it over,and offered out of the blue to write you. Thats when i first hesitated knowing how you had treated me up till that point,but then my head was like "maybe another female manages to reach in to my love?". But her reply back to me an hour later,told me that you had been seriously pissy at her,telling her that it was none of her buisness..... But she offered herself.....lets make that perfectly clear.

She then goes onto asking me to never contact her again (lol,she was the eager one to add me in the first place,calling me boo constantly,wich ill come back to in a sec)

I know how much you disliked Meijika according to yourself and your history with her,and next thing i know,shes constantly in your streams,calling you BOO and asking if you got room for her.......

You are soo easy to expose..... I hate that i feel soo much for you still.

But its finally time,to make that difficult standpoint once and for all. If i die i die,but at least i made the best closure for myself.

I will let my soul,my brain and body take the time they need to get over you,and then i wont be looking back,ever! I will stop having my door open for you to come back,because you obviously didnt invest as much into our relationship as i did,and you have had a complete change of character,how you run your streams,how you let people you hated become your VIPs and literally SPAM chat wildly.

Talk about a immatured chaos. I would think it was run by one of your younger siblings and not you,who i thought i got to know over soon half a year.

I will always cherish our memories,because they gave me a fake feeling of finally meeting THE ONE for me,and i looked forward into creating TONS of more situations and experiences like that. I thought i had finally found happiness,a purpose in life......but looking at us now,how one constantly tried for the longest to get his loved one back,or at least to talk to him again,if only for a little while,was met with a cold,aggressive,destructive wall of silence.

And after that,direct personal attacks,from someone that should know me better then so. (And now people that constantly made you freak out before stream if they messaged you,is also VIPs and screen mascots...HOW ABOUT THAT!)

And before you try to excuse that away with "people do change": Do they really change that much in 1 or 2 weeks? And most importantly: WHERE THE FUCK WAS MY CHANCE??!!! You literally unblock/take back guys/community members that has treated you way waaay worse then me!

For the first time im just gonna say it,respectfully: You were not worthy of my time,MissBanshee__! I loved you waaaay more then you loved me! Remember? I always told you "i love you moar",because i meant that shit. You started copying me,but just to tell me what i wanted to hear.... I figured you out in the end,you became good at "telling me what i wanted to hear",just not when it mattered the most.

Like avoiding that argument leading you into blocking me.

Nope,just blame it all on me,one who doesnt have that much more life experience then you have,i told you all about that too. Strange,how easily you chose to forget about certain things,and angle and nitpick on other things,as you claim me to be.....

Takes 1 to know 1 i guess......... Not until i begged people not to go after you and disrespect you,be mean to you,did you do a similar thing in your horrendes "Approach stream".

You loved to pick on a man almost out of energy for theyr writing skills/english,did i ever go at you for your messed up way of writing? No,im not petty like that..... So why the fuck did you?

I could keep going,but im feeling drained again,drinking alot of liquid is all i do in the heat. I feel like i could sleep for a thousand years,but everytime i try i cant.....

This song once described what i would do for you daily,and what you meant to me. Let me ask again: Is this the feelings and thoughts of a stalking,creepy weirdo?! So i watched you after you blocked and banned me? I FUCKING LOVED YOU,AND I SEEKED ANSWERS,COMFORT AND REASSURANCE!! It makes me fucking upset that some people act as dumb as this,just so they can throw more toxicity in there,and destroy another humanbeing COMPLETELY!!! I hope you and your mom is truly proud of yourselfs!

And before you get all agrovated and wants to jump in my throat for involving her: YOU INVOLVED YOUR OWN FUCKING MOM AGAINST ME,ON A FUCKING STREAM WATCHED BY ALMOST 300 PEOPLE!!

TF IS WRONG WITH YOU??! Yeah,im over you alright.......

And way to go to completely copy Rkive with your "new viewers,dont be shy/scared,say hello heart heart heart". Could you be anymore fake? PLEASE.... FINITO!

One final thing: You claimed you had read every single article,blogpost. But i call horseshit,because if you actually read it with interest,you would have felt sorry for shutting me out cold,you would have felt guilt yourself,and you would have done more to win me back yourself,at least the MissBanshee__ i once knew or thought i knew. I doubt you will ever read this last post either,so this is a final goodbye. Please do me a favor though,stick to your own click of communities. I dont have much left,and the only 2-3 streams i feel like i can relax somewhat in,you constantly come barging into.

Gimme some fucking space!

[approachme4fun]

MissBanshee__

Gaming & LoveLife

I have tried literally everything regarding MissBanshee__,and getting us back to where we were before the argument,but my desperate efforts (showing her that i really cant function or live without her),is being met by blocks,bans and ghosting across the board. I still technically consider me her boyfriend,and her my girlfriend. As we never truly broke up with eachother.

I did a dumb reversed psychology thing,where i needed reassurance that she still loved me,wich i probably shouldnt have done. I also got abit too upset over the fact that she yet again neglected me,when she in reality herself had promised that the entire weekend were supposed to be "our time only",as she streams in the week days.

But lately shes been jumping on invites or other friends streaming lobbies,despite her saying to me things like her internet was gone,or her migraine really bothered her. I always wait patiently on my girlfriend then,because i know up front what is going on.

But this past weekend,she claimed her internet went out and i waited and waited for her to say it had come back. When i got tired of waiting,me going through random streams randomly stumbled across her laughing and having a jolly good time,online in a tcm lobby with people she apparently had told on her Thursday stream that: "Starting tomorrow and throughout the weekend,ill be spending it with my mans."

Again,this is not me putting restraints on MissBanshee__ (her twitch account) or making rules for her,like Megyhs (now a unseparated friend of MissBanshee__ thanks to me introdcing them to eachother) accused me of,on a recent Minecraft stream. (Megyhs has now followed blindly in MissBanshee__`s footsteps,just blocking or banning me wherever i try to reach out to make things right.

I have 2 main things i have anazlysed up and down i was ready to apologize for,1 is already said reversed psychology where i unfollowed her twitch and questioned her in ways that might have confused her. Again,all i needed was to hear her say that she loved me and wanted to stay as a couple,because what hurts even more then a F YOU Approach to my face,is hearing "maybe we should just rather be friends". As i cant live without her love,if she only let me explain....

I came from a state of mind where i didnt really have a life,it was a dark place of miserable existence. She came into my life,first talked me into adding her on discord,wich i was hesitant to. And after that over the following weeks she won me completely over,knowing about my past relationships that left me hurt and packed with mistrust.

She promised me she would never ever block me out of her life,the only thing she said was "It has to be you breaking up with me". I guess she could have viewed the unfollowing and general reversed psychology as one,but i was never going to. And since i can no longer apologize to her,i apologize to the masses on twitter.

I wish i didnt come off soo angry at her either,but in reality all she would have done to prevent this,was to let me know up front that she was invited or wanted to play with people she plays with the week through

And recently had been living ingame with over a 2 piece attempted 48hour stream that went with a small internet outage break,lasted long over 60ish hours,and just days after that another 24 hour stream,where i never had any real quality time with her whatsoever,and it was driving me slowly insane over the past weeks,where also our weekends was ruined by something or someone.

I love her that freaking much,she gave me a life of hope wich i havent had in YEARS! I could have done anything for her,and i did. I can not go into full detail about what i did for her,but it required often that i neglected my own need of sleep to be present for her whenever she needed me.

She had me 24-7 and i never complained,because i loved being her best support she has ever had. And my heart still wants to,thats why its soo heartbreaking that she cold and evil just blocks and bans me everywhere,even when im begging her for 5 minutes of her time on discord,where i can make everything okay again.

I even paied her 1USD for each minute of those minutes on PayPal,and while i was being respectful she was heard saying on her stream: "Can i block people on PayPal?" (I have that recorded btw)

So once again she hurt my feelings,and i told her some harshfull stuff,while still begging her to talk with me,and i also questioned her intensions,since she keeps hurting me and confusing me,as this is not the MissBanshee__ i once fell for.

She gave me life promises i couldnt believe that she wanted to do for me,that actually had me tearing up of happiness. Based on living things that meant too much to me f ex.

Now,i havent slept properly in going on 4 days,i keep waking up panicking,looking at the screen,hoping for a sign of contact from my woman,my girlfriend....future wife. A flimmer has even been in the picture. I can not function or eat without her daily love and support,the way i thought she couldnt live without mine. I thought we had similar strong feelings for eachother,but i seem to be the desperate one when it comes to trying to get through arguments and continue like we used to.

Learning from our mistaces,growing stronger as a relationship and couple,but she got over me before the actual argument had even gotten cold. She already has new besties she barely knows compared to me,and has replaced me on her stream screen,wich she honestly never even had on there.

Makes me question her on several areas,and the fact that shes over the top happy go lucky on her streams. I have heard about putting on a brave face,i know that feeling all too well,but i would have heard on her that she was truly sad and hurt on the inside,if thats truly what she felt like. I know her too well.

Im not gonna paint myself a saint in this argument,i did 2 things i wish i could take back,have undone/unsaid. But also honestly,she didnt do it easy for me by keep on neglecting me,and letting me find out on my own,that she was "breaking her own weekend rule,with people she LIVES ingame with throughout the week days".

I never play with her during the week anymore (before the argument) Because i back off and let her do her thing,i dont want to interupt,our playstyles crash and what not. I dont feel like im worthy of playing with her on stream,and she seems to have way more fun being over the top aggressive and toxic ingame,with sweaty players.

Im soo fu**ing respectful normally and patient its crazy,all i want from her is to let me know up front,if she runs off hanging out with people,when she has promised me that its our quality time,with no other persons involved.

Every day that goes by,i think of her every minute,every second. I cant stop breaking into tears,my heart aches too much,just longing for her to once again embrace me,wanting me also for the future.

I cant simply live without her,i havent done anything in 4 days but to use my last bit of draining energy on getting my love back,only to get coldly stomped on. I havent used the best of words always,but im sure she doesnt either if she were in a desperate love aching situation,she uses more fowl language on her streams,then i used against her. I never judge her for it though,im just saying.

I dont have a life anymore,she was my last bit of hope and sparkling light in a dark tunnel. I love you until i die,MissBanshee__! (Or until my heart and soul doesnt have energy left to scream out for you to come back to me) Why did you become so cold and evil? We could have come out of this argument even stronger. We both are to blame heavily,its just not one side. Why did you stop fighting for me? :(((

Unless you magicly come back,Goodbye my love! :((( #Heartbroken

The characters we first met ingame as,Johnny and Julie. I dont even have fun playing this game anymore,without her :(( Plz come back to me!?!

PS: Came to my attention that one of her moderators that looked over my unban request,calls me a stalker. Uhm,im technically her boyfriend and i have genuine strong feelings for someone i have gotten to know well for months. BTW,interesting of a moderator to say,knowing that one of the ones she plays with again now reguarly,is the biggest threatening stalker,and hated tcm community member ever,that even the devs has banned once already. That doesnt make much sence to me. And i dont bother her,im begging my "girlfriend" to speak to me,wich would make me relax,maybe get some appetite back (im super dizzy most of the days,im just slowly fading away)

She keeps on hurting me,by not responding and just blocking and banning me all over the place. Im simply just a "boyfriend" that needs to sort out missunderstandings and the argument from my side,so she can feel better too.... Im shocked that im being looked at as a stalker. Would i call her that if i blocked her and she kept trying to get in contact with me? No,because my love for her would want to hear her out,and start over. So now im just gonna wildly assume that she has taken the toxic path? Super unaffected,with a fresh argument she deserved to be "yelled at" for just behind her,but wich i also need to take my guilty parts from.

Are we 12 or are we both adults,how about we solve things in a non immature way???? She has sounded way too unaffected on both her streams,for someone that loved me as much as she claimed she did, I just find it all super immatured,toxic cold and evil. I did 2 mistakes,but its nothing compared to how she mistreated me. If she cant take me letting her know,then she will never learn regarding relationships.