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april2920 · 11 months ago

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Such beautiful narration! The right amount of angst I needed (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

through a thousand lives for you

word count: 10548 genre/theme: angst, historical warnings: death, suicide, self harm for readers that would like to skip the self-harm portion, please stop reading at the "***" and continue once it appears again as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

“You’re not going home?” You look up to see your colleague leaning on the door frame, bag strapped across his chest.

“I just have a few more things to do then I’ll be on my way.” You smile back and he nods before waving goodbye. “Just beware of hiddens, you know they love vulnerable youngsters after hours.”

“Then close the door!” You call out and he does.

This is the best part of your day.

Besides the minimal risk of a hidden intruding the office, the serenity is incomparable to any other pleasure in life. It has only happened once before and it was a decade ago. Plus, with new enforcement, you were certain that hiddens no longer existed.

You slave away on the papers in front of you for a few more hours and when you realise the sun has long gone, you finally file everything away and take your bag.

Just as you pack your final things up, the door bursts open and a man stumbles in.

Blood streaks down the side of his forehead and his red handprint is clear against the wooden door. It seems to take everything in him to approach you, only steps away from where he came in from.

His free hand clutches the side of his chest and the blood drips down onto the floor. You are frozen. You clutch onto your bag tightly, praying that your peaceful land will not be the reason for your death.

He only says one word.

“Please.”

Then he collapses.

Let his anger be the bars to his prison, and the light to his peace.

They say the library is a sea of information and reading is easy. But the amount of information they have on hiddens was small and useless. And it wouldn’t count at all if he wasn’t one.

It repeated the same things, harmful stereotypes that gave no actual information, things to look for that were general to mankind. Even if you tried to apply it to this stranger, you wouldn’t find your answer.

So, was he a hidden?

Who else would be this injured?

It was too late to call for anyone. Everyone else left the building and patrol wasn’t for another hour. You had placed a cushion under his head and you had also stitched the slash across his ribs.

It was deep and long, and with every moment you wasted, the man was one step closer to the light. That was the first thing you thought of after you moved him.

You were no surgeon. However, you would argue that being a librarian and having the will to stop blood gushing out of this man’s body was good enough this time. So you cleaned and stitched his wound, wincing at the thought of how the alcohol from this forgotten first aid kit would sting him if he was awake.

You had never had so much blood on your hands.

You were wiping his face with your scarf and as you gently dabbed away under his eyes, you couldn’t help but notice how soft his features were. He no longer looked like the scary intruder that threatened your soul to leave your body.

He was just a man.

Once he was clean enough, you stood to toss your scarf away, which was when you noticed his weapon in front of the door. His sword, its handle stained with his blood, lay as still as its owner, waiting to be awoken again. He had nothing else but the small map you noticed peeking out of his pocket.

There was no destination, no X, no mark.

Just a trail that led exactly to where you wanted to go.

You were a light sleeper, so the rustle of him packing his things and the small groans he elicited were more than enough to have you sitting up from your desk.

He didn’t seem to mind you at all.

He kept packing his things while he took in deep, strained breaths. For a moment, you thought he didn’t notice you. But once he was finished packing, he clutched the side of his ribs again and lifted his eyes to yours.

“Thank you.” He sighed and tied his sword to his waist before he began to exit.

“Wait!” You stuttered out, circling outside of your desk and running after him. His laboured breath was enough to tell you he wasn’t fit to leave yet. More importantly…

“Let me go.” He grunted as he dragged himself towards the exit. But you push yourself to run past him. With arms wide open, you blocked his only way out. He looked tired, as if he didn’t want to waste another moment with the person who saved him.

So you said the thing you figured would make him listen.

“I have your locket.” You gasped out.

It was probably your imagination but you might have seen his ears twitch. However, you definitely saw his eyes narrow and he stood taller. You wondered, was this what all his victims saw in their final moments?

“Give it back.” He demanded but you didn’t budge. “I said-”

“You’re going to help me first.” You said, with as much confidence as you could muster, but your head was questioning everything.

Just give him the damn locket, idiot.

“I’m not helping anyone.” He took a step closer and you leaned away from him, back colliding against the wooden door. “Give me back my locket. I don’t want to have to hurt you.”

“No.” You were trying your best to not cower. He didn’t say anything else. But he took a step towards you and in one swift movement, he spun your body and grabbed your wrists, keeping them locked in his palm.

As he pushed you against the door, he used his other hand to search you.

“I’m…It’s not on me.” The words you said were so different from what you were thinking. You knew this was a bad idea. The array of weapons you found on him told you that he wasn’t someone to test. But your goal was bigger, stronger, it could overpower any fear you felt at this moment.

“Where is it?” He demanded, hands still patting you down.

“I’ll tell you if you help me.”

“I’m sparing you already. Isn’t that enough?” He grunted, finally stopping the swats against your body.

“I think that’s the bare minimum after I saved you.” You breathed out. He might have chuckled when you said that. Maybe it was just your brain trying to block out the fear.

You weren’t sure what was flowing through you at this moment. Was it excitement that he would cave in or nerves from the possibility of dying?

“What do you even need help with?” He didn’t spin you back around.

“To go back home.”

“Patrol helps with that.”

“No, my hometown.” You said, a little quieter. He paused.

“The docks aren’t far from here. Tickets can be bought there too.” He said bluntly.

“Do you think I haven’t tried that?” You tried to spin but he pushed you onto the door again, a little too harshly this time.

“I don’t have to help you.”

“Then I guess you don’t need your locket.”

“I can force it out of you.”

“Isn’t it a hidden code to never hurt women and children?” You blurted out and it took him two beats of silence to answer.

“What makes you think I’m a hidden?”

“Weapons, blood…No one gets hurt this bad as a citizen.” You said. “So, help me and I’ll hide your identity and also give you your locket.”

It had fallen out of his palm when you were cleaning his wound. You cleaned it off his blood and hid it somewhere you knew would be hard to get. You found that there was no picture inside but there was a fragment of a pearl.

“Fair?”

“If you’re smart enough to figure out I’m a hidden then you’re smart enough to know that we don’t travel in groups, especially with clueless and reckless civilians.” He finally spun your body to face him and he stared at you.

“I’m not a burden.”

“Doesn’t count when you’re the one saying it.” You were almost there, you could tell he was close to giving up. You just had to lure him in a little more.

“Just bring me on the ship to my hometown then we can part ways.” You reasoned. “Women can’t get on without an escort.” He kept his gaze fixed on you but you could see the gears spinning in his head.

“Don’t think for a second,” He came closer. “I would save you over myself.” He said through gritted teeth.

You just nodded.

The docks were north of the town. It wouldn’t take long for you to travel with the carriages. But travelling with a hidden meant sticking to paths no one else knew about. It meant weaving through trees in the forest instead of walking in broad daylight.

You weren’t allowed to pack much. You weren’t surprised, but you were hoping you could take more than a flask and scarf. He carried nothing else besides his sword. The snow falling on his head didn’t seem to bother him, but you couldn’t stand the specks of ice wetting your hair.

“What are you going to be doing in my hometown?” You jogged up to walk next to him. He was quite fast.

“I have someone to kill.”

“Oh.” Your mouth had run dry. Of course he did.

“Better not be someone I know.” You tried to joke but he only raised an eyebrow at you.

You cleared your throat. “I’m only poking fun.”

He didn’t say anything.

The both of you walked for a couple more hours and he stopped you when the skies were starting to turn orange.

“We’ll rest here for tonight.” He halted in front of a large tree, its leaves protecting you from the snowfall. “I’ll get us some wood.”

As he searched for fallen bark, you were left behind, staring at your makeshift bed as you waited for him. It was…definitely a bed…you supposed.

It’s just this time. Tomorrow, you’ll find someplace else to sleep.

You sat, leaning on the tree as comfortably as you could. Your hunger wouldn’t let you rest peacefully, so you had no choice but to wait for him to return.

While he was gone, you took the locket and turned it around between your fingers. You couldn’t quite figure out why the fragment of a pearl was so important. It wouldn’t even sell much, with how broken and small it was.

As soon as you heard his soft steps on the snow, you tucked it away.

He brought back a few berries and wood and when he started to light the fire, you could only watch. When the berries were finished and the both of you were leaning on different sides of the tree, you finally broke the silence.

“How’d you become a hidden?” You murmured softly. You thought he wouldn’t answer you.

“I wanted justice.”

“This person you want to kill,” You paused, cautious of your words. “What did they do?”

“He took something from me.”

You thought of the locket and the broken pearl in it.

“Must have been important…” You muttered.

“Yeah, she was.” A lost loved one, you knew you didn’t have to ask more. “Why do you want to go back?” He asked.

“It’s more of a closure thing.” You shrugged.

“How mysterious.” He said it with such a monotone voice, you weren’t sure if he was teasing.

“Rich, coming from a hidden.” You joked, hoping he would play along. “What do you do anyway? Just kill people?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s pretty much the job.”

“Well,” You turned on your side, facing his direction. “How do you choose them? Is someone hiring you?”

“What difference does it make?”

“Well, now we know it’s not fully on you.” You were sitting up now, hoping he would tell more. You could see him shaking his head.

“It doesn’t matter whether I do it because someone told me to or it was my own will. Murder is murder.”

“Then why are you going to kill someone? If you know it’s wrong-”

“I never said that affected me.”

“So you don’t think it’s wrong?”

“I never said that either.”

“Then, what are you saying?” You almost groaned the words out.

He turned to face you, leaning his head on the tree trunk. The glow of the fire made him look less frightening. “It is what it is and I’m not trying to justify it. It’s just…” His words trailed off and you noticed his eyes wander behind you.

“What?” You asked, still clueless. “It’s just wh-” Before you could finish, he clasped a hand above your lips, muffling your next words. His other hand held your head, trapping you between his palms.

“Shh, someone’s here.” He motioned for you to stay silent then in one swift move, he pulled you upwards. He was still cautiously watching the space behind you with sharp eyes and a deadly gaze. If he hadn’t scared them off, they must be serious.

“I’m going to give you a lift and you’re going to climb, understand?” He whispered, eyes still not on you. You nodded regardless.

“Okay,” He took his hands off you and clasped them low enough for you to stand on them before he pushed you upwards. You immediately grasped the thickest branch, praying it didn’t break. With all your strength, you pulled yourself upwards with both arms before sitting atop the tree’s arm.

It was only when you were leaning on the tree trunk, catching your breath, that you realised he watched to make sure that you got on safely.

“Don’t move.” He whispered once you noticed him. Before you could respond, a twig snapped to your left, signalling danger.

He didn’t draw his sword immediately. Instead, he waited and only took small, careful steps towards the rest of the forest, something you found strange.

Why would he walk towards danger?

In the blink of an eye, a figure lunged at him. He evaded the attack, quickly swaying to his side to dodge the enemy. Another person ran out of the shadows, raising his sword above to slash him.

But he was quicker.

With a cling and a squelch, he had sliced through the opponent’s stomach. However, he had no time to waste. The other man had picked himself up and he was bigger than his friend. You felt worry rise in your throat.

Nothing changed.

It was magical, watching him fight his enemy with such grace. It was almost as if he was dancing, He moved so easily, you wondered how long he had been doing this.

He was silent too, only small groans knocked out of him in the rare moments he was hit.

The loudest sound he made was just as you formed your thoughts. His enemy had punched him at the side, where his stitches were. Given his condition, it must have caught him off guard. The opponent landed another punch up his jaw, knocking him backwards.

His lean body stumbled backwards and you could see the enemy tower over him. You had to do something.

But what could you do that wasn’t burdensome?

You gave it some thought. You had no weapon, no fighting skills, no strength. But perhaps…

There was no more time. It had to be now.

So, you stood on top of the branch and you jumped, letting your entire weight drag you towards the ground, towards this dangerous man.

And it worked…well, almost…

You let out a grunt as you landed atop his shoulders, barely breaking his posture. However, in the moment you were able to distract him, it was enough for him to grab his blade and slice.

Their blood splattered on your face.

You fell with the man, whose weight would have suffocated you if you were fully underneath him. Your hidden pulled you out and once you were standing in front of him, he held you by the shoulders and quickly scanned you.

“I’m fine.” You exhaled.

“What were you thinking?” He said through gritted teeth but you waved him off. When you tried to move away from him, his grip on you tightened. “That was dangerous! You have no idea what he could have done to you.”

“He would’ve hurt me anyway after he was done with you.” You argued. “We’re alive, I don’t see why you’re angry.” You brushed the snow off your clothes.

“You could have gotten killed.” You didn’t know someone could speak so calmly when they were clearly upset. You were about to say something when you noticed the growing dark red stain on his clothes.

“Your stitches came off.” You reached for him but he shook you off and held you down even harder.

“You can’t do that again. It’ll be dangerous for both of us.” He ordered but your eyes were still on his wound. His grip on your shoulders grew tighter and your concern immediately grew.

“You’re hurt.”

“I don’t care.” He shook his head. “Tell me you won’t do that again.”

“I’m not telling you anything! I don’t have anything with me to fix you up, we need to go back to the town.”

“Tell me,” His breathing was a little too ragged for you to ignore him once again. “Tell me, you won’t put yourself in harm’s way again.” You lifted your eyes to see him pleading.

“Only if you promise we go back to town and find help.”

He hesitated…but he eventually gave in.

“Fine.” He huffed then finally released you.

He wouldn’t lean on you, despite how badly he was limping.

“It’ll just slow us down.” He said. You wished he would just listen to you, but you realised he had probably learned to not trust anyone else but himself.

The sun was about to rise. Night patrol was starting to head back to their homes and shops were beginning to open. You knew you had to move quicker. Once you spotted the familiar bakery, you ran with haste, knowing he could keep up with you.

Once he stood with you by the back door, he finally let out a wince and held his side. The both of you had been walking for about 1 hour to get here. With a rip of your skirt, you were able to wrap something around his wound in the meantime. But you could tell he was getting weaker.

“Where are we?” He breathed out, a cloud pushed past his lips.

“A friend’s. She’ll be able to help.” You knocked on the door three times before you paused then knocked again. She immediately opened the door with her usual unwelcoming face.

“What do you want?” The old lady demanded and you nudged your head towards the injured man. Once she set eyes on him, she reached to close the door, but you held it open.

“You owe me.” It was about time you cashed it in anyway. She took a moment before she finally responded.

“Upstairs and be quiet.” She hissed and you smiled.

“Of course.”

You told him to rest and he didn’t need to be told twice. As soon as you were finished stitching his wound again, he was already asleep. With his dreams clouding his senses, you didn’t need to worry too much about him hearing your conversation.

“Why are you messing with hiddens?” Your friend asked, too much venom in the last word.

“I’m leaving and he’s helping me.” You explained.

“They’re not good companions. He would probably leave you to die.” You thought of the disagreement you had with him earlier. He seemed so worried.

“I just need his help to get on the docks then we go separate ways.”

“You could have asked anyone else.” You raised an eyebrow.

“Really? Are you suggesting my boss or even my colleague would have helped me make the trip?” She only sighed.

“You’re playing a dangerous game.” She whispered and you took a sip of your tea. You knew she was right, but you couldn’t admit it fully yet.

“Thank you for helping us.” You murmured.

“We’re even now.” She stood from her seat and walked to the front of her shop. As she pushed the curtains aside, you went back up. Light was already pouring in from the windows, and the rays glided over his face. You drew the curtains closed so they wouldn’t wake him then sat beside his mat.

Just like before, he didn’t look threatening. And knowing what you knew now, he looked softer. You wouldn’t imagine that someone like him was a killer.

You had to wash his clothes so the only thing covering him was the blanket. His hair had been released from its bun and it now fell across his shoulders. You checked the stitch again, worried it might have broken while he shuffled in his sleep.

As the hours passed by, the sounds of people on the streets could be heard from inside. It was soft and familiar. The muffled murmur made you slide down next to him, falling asleep.

“Hey,” You heard it the first time, but you wanted to stay asleep anyways. “We have to go.” He was gently tapping you when you opened your eyes. His silhouette hovered over you and caught you surprised to learn he didn’t smell like blood.

“You don’t smell sweaty.” You whispered and he laughed a little. Strange, it was so melodic.

“I rinsed myself outside. Your friend gave us some soap.” As your vision cleared, you noticed he was wearing his loose top, his skin still visible underneath. You wished you could stop staring.

When he noticed what your eyes were on, he cleared his throat and covered himself up.

“Thanks for washing it.” You nodded and turned away, hoping he wouldn’t notice the blush on your cheeks.

Once you got up, you gave yourself a quick rinse too. With ice in the air, showering was quicker than ever. He was all dressed when you returned.

“Do you know what time the docks close?” You asked as you shrugged on your thicker layer.

“They usually stop people at sunset. That gives us a few hours.” He was turned towards the window, averting his eyes from you.

“Through the forest or the town?”

“The town.” He said as you tied a knot around your clothes.

“We’ll go through town this time?” You asked.

“If we’re quick enough, there shouldn’t be a problem.” You stayed silent. You knew he was only referring to you. He would probably get there by noon if he was on his own.

“Okay,” You turned around and saw him staring out the window. “I’m all ready.” He pushed himself off the wall and fastened his sword on his waist. Without another word, the two of you left.

You thanked your friend and bid your farewell. You weren’t sure when you would see the old lady again but you silently hoped that you would cross paths again someday. She would probably have wished otherwise.

As the two of you trudged through the snow, you realised he was still trying his best not to wince with every step.

“Are your stitches okay?”

“Yes, it's just…” He stopped and took a deep breath. “It just hurts sometimes.” You weren’t sure how to console him. You brought no food and no medicine. The effects of the salve your friend gave him weren’t going to last long, but you didn’t expect that it had faded by now.

“What about we stop for some food? A warm meal might-”

“No, we’re heading to the docks and…” His breaths were heavier. “We don’t need to stop for anything. I’m fine.”

You stayed silent the rest of the way.

“You’re too shaky,” He said, causing you to stop fidgeting with your fingers. “Relax, they’ll let us in.” He murmured but you couldn’t brush the feeling off. How was he so sure?

“Your pass, sir?” The guard asked and he flashed a wooden card. You held your breath, hoping he would let the both of you go.

The guard narrowed his eyes at you and you tried your hardest not to glare back at him.

“You can go.” He finally said and the both of you walked up the ramp onto the wooden boat. There were enough people to make you nervous, even when you have passed the test. He must have noticed it because he wrapped an arm around your back and pushed you toward the side of the boat, where you had a view of the sea.

It still didn’t stop the shaking.

“Thank you.” You whispered to him. You weren’t sure how you would have gotten here if it weren’t for him. You couldn’t believe you had even made it this far. Whatever possessed you to have asked him must be strong.

The journey wasn’t too long. By nightfall, you could see land.

“That’s your home?” He asked and you sighed.

“Somewhere there.” You said softly. It was time. “Well,” You turned around to face him. “I suppose this is where we part ways. Thank you, for your help all this time.” His lips were pursed and he looked almost…sad.

“Good luck.” He said.

“You too.” You smiled as the boat came to a stop. A line began forming but you hesitated to join it.

“Go, you don’t want to be left behind when it’s getting late.”

You look at the growing crowd for a moment then back at him. “I hope you get your revenge.” You said and his eyes shifted. This was the first time he looked soft while he was awake. “And most of all, I hope you heal from it.”

Without another word, you left to join the line. You didn’t want to waste his time anymore. You’ve taken enough. But for some reason, you felt slight despair at the thought of this being your last moment with him.

Perhaps because he had helped you so much, you thought you owed him more than your thanks and…

His locket!

You stopped in your tracks and turned around to find him again, only to collide with two armed guards, fine swords strapped to their waists. They glared down at you and you felt the tiniest under their piercing gaze.

“Your pass.” They demanded. Your mind was going blank. They were going to catch you. All your lies were here to reveal the truth. They were grabbing you by the hair, pulling your lips apart so that you would-

“Dear, why have you gone so quickly?”

His voice rang with clarity, bouncing off the walls of your skull.

You looked up to your side, stunned that he had appeared out of nowhere to save you. He smiled at you then looked back up at the guards.

“Apologies, my wife…she’s rather nervous.” You swallowed and bowed your head.

“Well, you should learn how to keep her in check.” The guard hissed and you clenched the locket tighter in your hand. “What business do you have here?”

“We are paying a visit to my family.”

“Where?”

“Just north of the fallen village.” The guard asked for a pass and he gave it. You found yourself holding your breath again. Once he took a good look, he gave it back then crouched to whisper in your ear.

“I won’t be so lenient next time.” He threatened and you kept your head low.

“Thank you gentlemen. I hope you have a nice rest of your day.” He said and pulled you towards the line, where you could finally breathe, or rather, pant.

“Why’d you turn back?” He asked as soon as the two of you were off the boat.

“Oh,” In the midst of chaos, you forgot why you were almost in trouble. “Here.” You passed the locket to him as the two of you walked. He stared at it in his palm. You thought he would have been more excited.

“Thanks.” He cleared his throat and clasped it around his neck.

The only sounds you could hear were your soft footsteps in the snow. This part of the country was colder. There was not much you remember before you were taken from here, but the icy wind would always be a comfort to you.

As the two of you walked into your quiet village, you noticed how barren it was. There were no more lights, no more life. The only sign of it was far ahead, where you could see the orange glow of a town. However, your own village was empty and quiet, only the wind hissing in your ears.

It felt as if your home was ripped away from you at the same time you were.

As the two of you kept walking, you passed a familiar sight, the prayer board. You changed your direction and walked towards it. It felt as if you were your child self again, running to it to write your wishes down.

You touched the wooden cards. How many of these children’s wishes were unfulfilled? How many children clung onto their hopes when they were attacked? How many people did these boards fail?

Your fingertips hovered over the silent prayers these people had. The ones on the top read prayers of protection, of safety for their family. Wishes for salvation, hope for escape.

It tore at your heart.

Your family were among these people.

“Hey, are you alright?” His voice brought you back and made you realise you were tearing up. You quickly wiped them away.

“Yeah, just cold.” He didn’t seem convinced but that didn’t matter to you. “My home is this way.” You were starting to walk but he stopped you.

“Wait,” You watched him strike one of the good matches against the table and he lit a prayer stick before placing it in the bowl of ash, covered by the snow. Then he put his palms against each other and closed his eyes.

You weren’t sure what to feel. You were angry that these prayers never worked, so why would you do one right now? But watching how at peace he was at praying, it made you want to try again, just one more time.

So you clasped your hands together and you thought of what you wished you could say.

To my family, more than anything I wish that you are at peace.

To my neighbours, I hope that you travelled safely.

To him, I hope that your revenge helps you find yourself again.

Once you were finished, you took a step back and bowed. If they were going to answer any prayers, these should be the ones.

He did the same and the two of you continued walking. You weren’t feeling joyful enough to talk yet and he didn’t seem to push it. Surprisingly, the silent walk wasn’t dreadful.

When you stopped in front of your home, it took everything in you not to turn away. You didn’t understand why you were afraid. There were no more monsters, no more soldiers who would take you away. You had come so far, this was your chance.

You went up the steps slowly and slid open the door. Once you slipped off your shoes, you took soft steps on the wooden floors. The cabinets of the kitchen were open, some destroyed. The window was broken and snow had piled into the room, covering the dried food that was left here for ages. There was barely a smell, with the breeze coming in to whisk it away.

The bedrooms were more intact. Your parents’ mats and blankets were pushed to the wall, undone. The wallpaper was peeling. The window had not been shattered but the mess was an indication that uninvited guests were here. There were bottles of alcohol across the floor and spots of red across the walls.

You didn’t want to see more, but it was as if you could still hear their screams echo.

Finally, you were in your bedroom. The door had been kicked down and all your drawers were emptied, its contents scattered across the floor. You were only a child. The toys were all over the floor and some were broken into pieces.

You bent down to pick some of them up slowly, as if you could break them even more. Your necklaces were all broken, and the beads were dispersed across the floor. Some beads were crushed and others were hidden underneath your mat.

They’ve destroyed everything, including yourself.

Seeing your childhood doll sitting in a corner made you twitch. You loved this little, bear. Its fur was damp and it looked upset, as if it had missed you. You shouldn’t have left it. How would it have protected itself?

The tears started coming and you found yourself clenching your fist around the doll. Your breaths were getting heavier and you could sense the familiar flame of anger rise in you. How could you let this happen to something you love?

You were dizzy with anguish. It was consuming you in ways you didn’t think possible. You had never felt so much fury. You had never felt so much pain swim through your blood. You didn’t know grief could cloud your vision.

How dare you?

How dare you live a life after everything you left behind?

How dare you hold your head up high when your family died for you?

Crash.

The sound snapped you out of your thoughts and you noticed red on your palm. You weren’t sure if it was the tears or the sadness, but either way, you couldn’t see anything nor could you feel anything.

You must be dreaming this. How were you supposed to bleed if you couldn’t feel pain?

Are you…

…okay?

Are…okay?

You didn’t notice he came in. He had you by the shoulders and he was shaking you.

“What’s wrong?” He was looking at you, but his gaze seemed to have shifted to the rest of you. Through blurry eyes, you watched him realise the blood on your palm.

“I…I shouldn’t be here.” You sobbed. What have you done to deserve to breathe? What have you done to be here? Why, you?

You were getting too lightheaded. The air was too thin and you were shaking with every breath. It didn’t take long for the world to turn dark around you.

You woke up to moonlight shining down on you through your windows. You were covered with a blanket and you could feel a soft mat under your back. After looking around for a few seconds, you remembered where you were.

You tried to sit up but as you used your hand to support yourself, you felt a sharp pain shooting up your arm, causing you to wince and pull away.

“You’re still injured, it’s better to not use that for a while.” He came out from the shadows, where your bear doll sat before you passed out. You looked at your palm. He had wrapped it nicely and there was no blood that had seeped through. He must have changed it often while you were asleep.

“Thank you.” You muttered and he just nodded.

“I’m sorry for causing so much trouble.” He didn’t respond at first. However, he sighed and sat closer to you.

“I won’t question you for doing the things you want to do. It’s not my place.” He said softly. “I know this was important for you.”

You looked down at your palms. You thought this would bring you closure. You thought that seeing your home again would bring you peace. You had hoped it would be a good reminder of your childhood.

But all this has only brought you devastation.

“Thank you.” You murmured as tears slipped out from your eyes.

“We should head back soon.”

“We?” You croaked as you looked back up at him. You had expected that he would desert you by now. He had his locket and nothing left to owe you.

“Yes,” He shifted his eyes to look at you. “We.”

When the two of you stepped out of your house, it felt as if you were breathing new air. He stepped out after you and slid the door closed, as if he was doing a favour to whoever was inside. You had convinced him to go to the nearby town, where you could get some food before your journey back home.

With much hesitation, he finally allowed it. So, here the two of you were, standing before the street lined with food carts and children running to and fro with their new paper crafts. It was a wonder that the village was still bustling at this time. There must have been some important celebration.

As much as this brought light back into your heart, you noticed that he was still cautious. His eyes kept shifting and the grip on his sword was tight. He didn’t seem to be letting his guard down.

“Are you alright?” You asked him as the two of you kept walking. He nodded his head but you weren’t convinced. “What about some food? I think noodles sound like a good idea right now, don’t you think?” He looked at you, as if to question your choices.

You stopped walking and stood in front of him, halting him too. “Hey, I’m okay. This,” You raised your injured hand. “Will go away soon. You don’t have to worry.” You smiled at him and you could see his eyes soften for a moment.

“That’s-”

A loud firework from behind you drowned his voice away. Its loud pop also covered the scream that you let out and let you hide the embarrassment of having jumped from it. You were relieved to find that everyone else had been too distracted by the pretty sparklers for them to notice your embarrassing stunt.

Except the man whose arms you had jumped into. Everyone else except him.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You quickly pulled away from him once you noticed. You kept your face down. It was enough to have him catch you, he didn’t need to see how red you were. As you pretended to brush down your clothes, you wished he would say something to break this tension.

He cleared his throat and you watched his shadow grow over you. Before he could do anything, you quickly spoke.

“I’ll be right back!” You squealed before you ran off into the crowd, hoping the people would allow you to drown your embarrassment within them.

How foolish…

You kept jogging until you slipped between stalls and managed to hide behind a house. Once you were alone, you finally crouched against the wall and drew a deep breath.

You threatened this man, how were you embarrassed over falling into his arms?

You shook your head in disbelief at yourself. That was too embarrassing to live down. As you waited for your heart to stop beating so rapidly, you looked at your wrapped hand. The cloth was thin and you wondered where he must have gotten it. You started to think about what happened. You were too angry to see that you had hurt yourself, too wrecked to understand how broken you actually were.

You wondered what he thought of you. You hoped he had not seen you as the coward that you saw yourself as.

When you heard footsteps coming towards you, you moved to stand. As you took a moment to recollect yourself, you thought about what you should say to him. Another apology wouldn’t make sense. Another lie to cover your embarrassment wouldn’t work either.

“I…” You turned to look at him and your stomach dropped when you noticed it wasn’t him. Two men pointed their spears at you and another walked in between them towards you.

“Who are-”

“Take her.” The man in the middle spoke and before you could reply, the other two were already dragging you away from the village, away from the crowd that would have been safer, away from him.

“I don’t…I don’t have anything! Please, let me go!” They pulled you onto a cart, where they tied your wrists together, all while you were pleading for your life. “Please,” You whimpered. This couldn’t be real. Why were these men taking you away? Why…

“You’re going to tell us everything you know about him right now. And if we don’t get enough answers, it’s your life we take.” One of them threatened but you kept shaking your head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! Please, let me go.” You pleaded as they put a sack over your face.

“Where is he? The man you travelled with.”

Oh.

It’s about him.

“I don’t…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I came alone.” You lied quieter.

“Tell us the truth. We won’t hurt you if you do.” You shook your head again. They had come to hurt him and they were using you for it.

You could let them. You could lead them to him and have him fight for his life. You could be safe.

But why would you after everything he had done for you? Why would you betray him when he wrapped your wound? Why would you feed him to his enemies when he has shown you so much kindness?

You couldn’t see anything through this bag over your head. It was too dark to make out what was happening.

“I’m going to ask you one more time.” The man speaking was so close to your ear, you felt his breath on your cheek. “Where is he?”

“I’m not telling you.”

Stupid.

An order was given as soon as you finished speaking. You had no time to run. They had started to pull your hair and hit you everywhere, asking again and again the same question.

Where is he?

As you felt pain in all sorts of places and you cried out for them to stop, you wondered where he could be. You wished he would save you.

But you also wished he would run away, so that maybe, he would at least be safe.

As your vision turned dark and you tasted blood on your lips, you whispered his name slowly. Quiet enough so they wouldn’t have caught it and gentle enough so you wouldn’t forget.

How many more times must I go through this?

��You have failed again.”

How many more times must she die for me to finally get it right?

All I wanted was justice. All I wanted was the satisfaction of his blood on my hands.

It was never supposed to be her. It was never supposed to be anyone else but him.

I am tired. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to see her suffer because of me again. I just…

I want to rest.

There’s that blinding light again.

“Go.”

If I stay here forever, she will live.

I don’t care what happens to me. I just want her to be alright.

“Go.”

Must I really?

“Save her and you shall get the vengeance you seek.”

There’s a future, a time, a round, when she finally doesn’t end up dying. There will be an end to this game, this torment, this cycle.

There’s that light again.

I can only hope it is different this time.

He found himself in front of the library again, where he knew he would find you. Your coworker had left, at the same time he always did. The glowing light coming from inside belonged to you, as always.

He would walk in with this wound and he would let you treat him. Then you would steal from him and he would need to take you to your hometown. You would get hurt and he would treat you. You would insist on going to the village and you would get taken.

Then you would be killed.

He would find your body and realise he had failed again. He would know, by seeing the blood seeping from your skull that he wasn’t able to protect you, that he had done something wrong again.

He had been here so many times. He had tried so many things to keep you safe and all his attempts had been futile. He didn’t remember the first time anymore, it was all such a blur to him. They, whoever had trapped him here, said something about anger being his burden.

He found it ridiculous. His burden was this, needing to save you to quench his thirst for revenge. He was no hidden. He was simply a murderer that existed alongside them.

Everytime he begged you when he burst through the doors, he was hoping you would leave him alone. He was hoping you would turn him away and he would be free from this fate. But you, your kind heart and intelligent self, you always took him in.

He had memorised your face. He had seen you so many times and yet something was always different.

You always cared for him, even when he didn’t deserve it. He always wondered, would you be any different if you knew your fate?

Would you have turned away if you knew getting intertwined with him meant death?

Regardless of the answer, he himself had no choice. He always had to fight for you, almost as if he was born to protect you and the heavens wouldn’t let him rest until he did.

You were humming when you treated him. Your touch was gentle and you winced even though he was the one having alcohol poured onto his flesh. He thought it might have been strange for him to think of you as anything more than just another passerby in his life.

But repeating the same scenes with you hundreds of times had made something different for him.

He learned to actually care for you and he began to want to protect you. It was no longer just about his revenge. He wanted to make sure you could get out of this hell unscathed, well, mostly.

When the two of you arrived at your hometown and he stopped you to pray, he had hoped it would give you something to believe in again. Every time you saw your village again, he watched it shatter you to pieces, and it silently broke him too.

He, too, said a prayer.

In one instance, you had actually asked him what he prayed for but he didn’t dare say. He was afraid you would run off.

All his prayers were the same. He didn’t think it possible to ever want anything else.

In all the times you passed your bedroom, you hurt yourself and passed out. In all those times, he had to treat you and plead it was the last time. In the latter half of those times, he would step out and do everything he could to not end his life, to not blame himself once again, to not leave you alone.

And even though you had jumped in his arms so many times, his heart still beat rapidly, as if it was the first time all over again.

He had watched you die too many times. Hearing their kicks against your face and body along with your yelps of pain haunted him. He still had trouble sleeping until now.

You had never fully survived your kidnapping. There were a few times that you had managed to hang on, but the loss of memories was too severe for you to live on. He remembered the first time you survived, vividly.

He brought you back to your home, where he drew a warm bath for you and he gathered all the medicine he could. When he realized that you were coming up with a fever and he had found nothing within your own cabinets, he let you fall asleep and then he returned to the village for supplies.

When he came back to you, the house was a mess. You were flinging things onto walls when he came into your room. You looked crazed, crying and bleeding all at once. And when his eyes locked with yours, he knew he was a stranger.

“Hey,” He gently placed his sword and supplies on the wooden floor before he took careful steps to you.

You screamed and threw a jewellery box at him, which he was able to avoid with ease. But his worry did not disappear, for the sight of you like this broke him all the same.

“Please,” He took another step toward you, reaching out for the person inside you that knew him. But it was no use pleading with a stranger.

“You did this! You took me away!” You sobbed and threw another toy at him, which he blocked with his forearms. He thought you had mistook him for a soldier.

“No,” He shook his head slowly and held his palms out in surrender. “I’m not one of them.” All while walking slowly to get closer. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He whispered.

You looked terrified. He would never be able to erase that look on your face. You looked at him with such disgust, it was a wonder you once cared about his stitches.

***

“Please, let me help you.” His eyes shifted to your palms, where the wrap was gone and blood dripped down your fingers. There were scratch marks everywhere he could see, on your neck and shoulder, red, fresh stripes. “You’re bleeding and you’re not feeling well.” He said slowly. With every breath he took, he took another step towards you.

“I…I don’t know where I am.” You whimpered and he could see you opening up to him. “W-Who are you?” You gasped through tears.

The man that held his hand out for you was no longer someone you had built a relationship with. He was a ghost to you.

“I…” He couldn’t find himself finishing the words. As he looked at the state of you, he felt this sharp pain in his chest. It didn’t matter who he was. You had lost your mind and you were afraid.

Of the world, of him, and most importantly, yourself.

“I don’t understand anything.” You cried. “I don’t…I don’t know who…” You were breathing so hard, your body collapsed. He quickly ducked and took you in his arms, for the second time that day.

You were murmuring something that he couldn’t make out. Regardless, his attention was elsewhere. Besides the scratches and bleeding palm, he noticed the cuts you had everywhere.

Foolish boy…

He should have never left you alone.

“Please…” You exhaled and he felt warmth rising in his face. “Please make it stop.” He looked at you, growing limp in his arms and your body bleeding out.

“I’ll get some medicine, just hang on.” He said but you started whimpering in his embrace. You continued to scratch yourself and he watched helplessly as your nails dug into your skin.

“Don’t do that, please.” He tried to stop you but you hit him. You slapped his chest and screamed for you to let go of you. That’s when he had that inkling feeling of doom.

***

He wished you knew that it wasn’t because it hurt. He was stronger than that. He also wanted you to know that it wasn’t because he couldn’t bear the burden of a screaming woman.

Regardless, he realised that his reason was selfish anyways. He didn’t want to watch you in pain anymore. So he took you in his arms and he shushed you gently, whispering to you.

“It’s okay, you’re safe. I promise.”

It took you a while but once you were no longer pushing him away, he whispered a goodbye. Then very quickly, he broke his heart and snapped your neck.

He would never call himself a hero. Not after everything he had done. Seeing your face again after his murder almost made him burst into tears. You were still so kind, protected from the truth of what he had done to you before.

Killing you made him lose faith.

He screamed at the skies, cursing the deities that placed him in this cycle for their sick lesson.

“How many?” He yelled. “How many more times until you let me go?” He was furious and the tears wouldn’t stop.

“How many more times does she die? How many more times do I hurt her?” He pleaded on his knees as he screamed the words into the endless night. The stars didn’t answer, as much as he wished they would.

He tried everything to end his life, jumping off houses, slicing his wrists, surrendering himself. It was as if it was a game and the only way to complete this was to achieve his mission of revenge, which could only come after saving you.

Time and time again, he watched the same scenes pass by him as if they were seasons. He wanted to break free. He wanted this to end.

So now, as he stood before you in this village once again, having travelled the same route as the two of you had before, he silently hoped that this time, it would be different.

When you ran away, he made sure to follow you. He knew that you needed some air after what you would call an embarrassing moment, which he respectfully disagreed with. But after all the times he had watched you die, he had learned that he needed to stay close to you.

As he waited for his enemies to come, he watched how nervous you were, squatting down and murmuring to yourself about how foolish you were to jump in his arms. If the circumstances weren’t so dire, he may allow himself to swoon.

He was hiding underneath the shadow of a rooftop, where he watched and waited for his time to strike and to hopefully, save you. He had to get it right this time. He couldn’t possibly live with the terror forever.

There was no other option.

“Take her.” The familiar order of the armed men pushed him to act.

He immediately jumped down in between you and the armed men, running the risk of being pierced as he fell from the sky. He heard you stutter his name as he fend the two of you off from danger.

“Cut off his head.” The middle man hissed and at once, the other two lunged forward to attack him. Without a second thought, he pushed you aside and yelled at you to hide.

As he fought the two men, he hoped that you had found a safer place. As soon as you were out of sight, he didn’t have to hold back.

There were only three bodies, the biggest being the one in the middle. As one of them wrestled him, the other tried to reach for his legs to trip him. But he was faster and he was able to throw the man on top of him to the ground.

As that one struggled to get up, the other pounced on him, throwing him off his balance. Their two bodies toppled onto the floor, where his enemy straddled him and began punching his face. After a few hits, he began to taste blood.

Knowing he wouldn’t last long enough, he reached for a stone and smashed it against the man’s skull. He heard a wet sound then a thud. But this didn’t faze him as he stood and faced the two other men.

The one he threw off himself had gotten up and he was obviously starting to be tired. His breathing was ragged and he had drawn a spear to protect himself.

He took a deep breath and drew his sword.

Give me the strength to complete my duty.

In one swift move, he chopped the spear off then proceeded to stab the man holding it. The tip of his sword glimmered underneath the moonlight, and blood dropped from its metal shine. There was no noise from him when he pulled the blade back, just the sound of his insides being passed.

When he lifted his eyes to the largest man, he gripped onto his sword again, steadying it in front of him.

“Take me to him, your master.” He exhaled but the soldier didn’t budge. Instead he brought out a hammer and charged at him.

He ducked underneath his arms and managed to escape onto the other side, where he regained his posture. The large man turned and yelled before he brought his hammer down again. His size made him slower, an advantage he wasn’t afraid to take.

He jumped up onto his shoulders, where he took the man’s head in his hands and pulled at it. His fingers dug into his cheeks and eyes and his enemy’s cries of pain told him it was working.

Even though he was slower, he was stronger.

With a fling, he had taken him off his shoulders and thrown him onto the ground. The impact knocked the wind out of his lungs and he was struggling to climb back up.

As the large man towered over him, he saw the blood streaming down his eye sockets and he thought about his next move.

He had to survive this. He was so close.

He looked for his sword and noticed the familiar glimmer not too far away. He pulled himself to his feet and scurried to his weapon, grabbing it before he was attacked again. Once it was back in his hands, he took a deep breath and ran towards the giant, with his blade raised high.

Zing.

He sliced through the man’s neck, his blood splattered all over himself. He felt the droplets on his face and smelled it in the air.

It was over.

He had saved you.

The wind tonight soothed his wounds and the silence gave him a moment of peace before he looked for you. He found you hiding between the walls of two houses with your knees up to your chest. You were shaking when he approached you.

“Hey,” He breathed out and the sight of him seemed to have startled you. That’s when he realised all the blood he was covered in. “Sorry.” He murmured as he covered himself with his sleeve.

But you only cried and threw your arms around him.

“I was so scared.” You whispered.

“It’s okay.” He placed his sword on the ground and took a breath, taking a breath of your hair. “You’re safe now.”

Hearing you cry made his own heart bubble. He had fought so hard for this moment.

It was over.

You finally lived.

He helped you return to town and that was where he parted ways before he was finally able to return to his journey. He didn’t want to make you sad, he had enough of that.

“Stay safe.” He said before he parted ways with you. As he walked away, he fought every fiber in him to turn back. He wanted to reach his destiny, kill him, and finally earn the revenge he fought tooth and nail for.

It was pleasant to see the look of surprise on the master’s face when he burst through the doors. Even more so, it was satisfying to see how helpless he was. With no men to guard him, no swords to fight for him.

This ‘king’ was afraid of him, the man with a sword, the man he spat on and underestimated, the man he decided to take from.

“Please…I beg you.” The sight of him shivering made him want to laugh. He did not endure a hundred days of suffering for him to give up.

This was what he came for. This was the job he was going to finish.

“This is mercy.” He said.

As he raised his sword in the air, he whispered his lost loved one’s name.

Then he sliced the king’s head off.

As he walked outside into the forest again, having rained terror on his enemy’s home, he felt as if he could finally breathe again. His knees buckled onto the snow, creating deep, bloody, indents on white. The cold numbed his wounds and he found himself thinking about you.

Perhaps you were at the library again, dreaming of this other life that you had a few days ago. Perhaps he could go see you.

Perhaps, the two of you could start over. He could be normal and his sword would hang as memory. He would walk you to your job at the library and he would help out at a local printing store. Maybe he could learn to trust and love again.

Let me see her.

If it weren’t for the dark edges of his vision growing and the heavy pain growing from his stomach, perhaps he could have mustered enough strength to find you again. But he was only able to lay there, staring at the branches that carried piles of snow.

You had better be safe. This weight was too heavy for him to carry again.

It might have been the snow that numbed his fingertips, but it could have also easily been the thousand cuts from guards he passed. Regardless, it didn’t matter.

You were safe.

You were home.

You were free.

He could only think of his prayer as he let it take over.

I pray that this is the last time we will be each others’ undoing.

epilogue.

A second chance, as they say.

“This is where most of us usually are. So, if you ever need help, this is where you can find us.” She pointed towards the kitchen, where a few of her colleagues were chatting.

“And this is where you are.” The tour guide said before stopping by a room. “Your partner should be here soon, if not yet inside. You’ll be working closely together so make sure you get to know her.”

He nodded then went inside.

It was a small workstation, with one oval-shaped table in the middle and about four seats in total. A whiteboard was hoisted on the right wall and he could see that scribbles were recently erased.

There were no paintings or posters but shelves of history books decorated the small space they had. He set his things down by one of the chairs and he waited for his partner. People always said he was an expert at hiding nerves. But he knew they just didn’t notice the tiny flinches he made or the rapid bouncing of his legs.

A knock on the door woke him from his self-made trance.

“Excuse me?”

He cleared his throat and stood from his seat to greet her. She stumbled in with a stack of books and a cup of coffee on top of her laptop. He immediately went to help her keep the door open as she tried her best to carefully place her things on the desk. Once she was done organising her things, she finally looked up at him, wide smile and all.

“Thank you.” She breathed out.

He nodded. Just as he was about to turn back to his desk, she reached her hand out.

“Nice to meet you, by the way. I’m…” He slid his hand in hers and shook it firmly.

“Nice to…”

As if there was a string all along…

She let out a small chuckle, eyebrows furrowed as if she was confused. “Have we met before?” She asked.

We intertwine again.

a/n: ho ho ho! a 10k story?!?! i had been wanting to do a time travel fic for a bit and i finally found the way to do it. i tried my best to make this angsty and sad but i am not sure how sad it turned out to be but i do hope it is to some degree, devastating. one thing i did want to sort of do was i made the first part present tense because i figured the reader could have lost most of her memories but because she held on so tightly to his name, she managed to remember that first time they met, which she will ofc always hold dear to her heart. anyways, i hope you enjoyed and i will try my best to get things out but i've been so busy! trying to get back on that angst grind. thank you for reading and i appreciate each one of you <3

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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Beautiful! 💖

Walking with Dogs, Cats, Flowers by Kyoung Hwan Kim

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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Three years!

Hello, everyone and happy Jimlingss anniversary! Woohoo! It has been three years since my official retirement and eight years since I’ve began this blog. That’s absolutely crazy since it all feels like yesterday. Time flies when you’re having fun.

First and foremost, thank you to all who still send me messages and give me feedback on my stories! I do check back once in a while and read everything, so nothing goes unnoticed. Your kind words always make me miss the simpler days of writing. :’) It really gets me nostalgic.

Second, here is my yearly update!

I’ve finished my second year of law school! I finished off this year with a bang and did quite well, if I do say so myself. There’s one more year left to go and that’s insane since I remember the first day so vividly. I’m a bit sad for it to be all over — I never thought I’d ever feel this way. But I’ve made so many friends and created so many memories. When it’s all over, everyone will be going their own path. Luckily, I’m sure we’ll remain connected and be close friends no matter what.

I don’t think I’ve had such a positive experience quite like this in all my years of schooling. I’ve always been the type to just scurry on home, never liked what I was studying, and never had too many friends. So this change has been unexpected yet very welcome.

In terms of career, I’ve been working this summer and I have something lined up for when I’m finished school! So soon I’ll be racking in the dough, wooooooo!! Let’s get it!

My family is also doing well — and I feel very fortunate for that.

Third, and most important, I am happy to announce that I have a boy I absolutely adore! We’ve officially been dating for four months? That seems so short on paper, but we’ve known each other for close to two years! I’m living out one of my friends to lovers fics, I swear (lol).

He’s been a close friend since the start of law school and somewhere along the line I gradually caught feelings (of course I did lmao). I was sure rejection was on the horizon and I wanted to preserve our dear friendship, so I was trying to get over it for months by myself. This included online dating and going on a string of dates (hahaha). I ended up cracking and calling him on the phone one night, but then aborted mission. Thanks to the advice of a friend, I stopped avoiding him and being an embarrassment, and I finally confronted him. He said we should give it a shot, and here we are!

He has brown, curly hair that reminds me of a poodle. And he made me realize why love is so loved — why it’s so revered — talked about — imprinted in each other’s minds. Everywhere. I’ve written countless love stories but never truly experienced the feeling before, and yet, he’s made the heart of my stories come to life. He’s let me live them in real time.

I really hope it works out! LOL

Anyway, I’m always happy to do these updates and for all those who may be just a bit curious enough about me to check in. Although this is a very positive update (and I hope it continues to be), my life isn’t without its ups and downs either. It just seems to be in a general upwards trajectory.

Thank you to everyone who still remembers me, and who may still read my stories! I definitely haven’t forgotten about you all, so I hope you haven’t forgotten me either.

Here’s to another year! See you again!

#Will always miss you #Cant believe how time passes so quick #One of the first writers I discovered on tublr and definitely one of my favourite #I'm so happy to know that you're doing great and thanks to give me a peak into what you've been upto

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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True that! ಠ⁠‿⁠ಠ

the problem with reading and writing leading to a strong vocabulary is that you tend to know the vibe of words instead of their meanings.

if I used this word in a sentence, would it make sense? absolutely. if you asked me what it meant, could I tell you? absolutely not.

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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I'm not gonna say I don't take AI assistance from time to time. Though I do agree that completely relying on it for thinking for you, getting solutions to your problems or even writing a novel isn't the best idea. Optimising my piece of writing for making it look clean and neat is one thing whereas asking AI to write an original piece other. Maybe iterations can give you something plausible though not without consistent human feedback. Afterall AI is generating responses based on existing data and resources created by humans. Let's not forget that we're capable of creating so much more, unique and original. Imagination and creativity is a superpower we humans have and thus came AI into existence.

Okay. It's time for an AI rant.

My nephew is 13 years old. Whenever he writes a paper for school, I check it over and fix all of his mistakes for him. He said to me, "Maybe I'll proofread your paper for you in exchange," meaning one of the scholarly articles I write for work. I said, "Cool," and gave him the file. And he said, "Well, this is full of errors! See, you always say you have a lot to correct on my stuff, and look at all the stuff you got wrong!" And I said, surprised, "What? Where?" Because I'm sure there are typos in the draft I sent him, but not, like, that many.

And then he pointed to the screen and said, "Look at all the blue and red lines you have."

And I said, "Yeah, but those are wrong. Like, those are blue and red lines I'm ignoring because the computer is wrong." And then I paused and added, "You know you can't proofread a paper by just looking at the red and blue lines, right?" And he gave me the blankest look, because that clearly is EXACTLY what he thinks. And it became even clearer suddenly why, whenever I correct something on his paper, his immediate reaction is, "It didn't have a blue or red line."

There's a very good reason for that: THAT'S BECAUSE THE COMPUTER ISN'T SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT IT WAS WRONG.

I am so tired of being sold the idea that computers are better than humans and so we should just outsource everything to them, which is clearly the lesson my nephew is absorbing in U.S. middle school. COMPUTERS ARE NOT BETTER THAN HUMANS. Like, maybe they are better at humans at crawling through rubble to find people trapped inside. They are also better at preserving things in a searchable format. Things like that. Very limited circumstances.

I don't want to sound alarmist but everything I hear about people using generative AI freaks me out. It's not just that I'm freaked out by people being like, "I use it to write novels!" (Although I don't see how they do, I have tried to have it write fiction for me and the output was truly terrible.) But I recognize my bias around creative writing and so no one needs to credit my views on artificial writing. But! Other things are alarming, too! "I use it to brainstorm x, y, or z." But...why? Why not just...use your own brain...to...brain...storm? The computer doesn't even have a brain to brainstorm with! And you might be like, "But it comes up with things that my brain would never think of!" So would other people! You could also brainstorm with other people! Or even through Google to see what other people have thought before you (not AI). Please don't belittle the wonder of thinking.

I just feel like the marketing around generative AI boils down to "Wouldn't it be easier not to use your own brain to think about things?" Everyone. No. It would not be. Please just trust me on this. I'm not just an old person who is out of touch with technology or something. I promise. USE YOUR BRAINS. IT WILL BE OKAY.

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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Weaponized incompetence my ass just weaponize it back. Once my dad tries to pull the “but I don’t know how to clean the counters as well as you” on my mom and she said “ok honey I’ll show you” and she made him stand in the kitchen and watch her clean the counters. Then she pulled out a bottle of chocolate syrup and proceeded to spray the entire kitchen in chocolate, hand him the sponge and said “okay now it’s your turn”

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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What a beautiful post... Encapsulates everything seventeen has taught me (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

Things I have learnt from Seventeen...(a thread)

Choi Seungcheol (S.Coups): Luck does not exist. At all. Wherever you are, you've gotten there only and only because of your hard work.

Yoon Jeonghan: You should always try to look at life in a different way. Just because something's obvious doesn't mean it's the best.

Hong Jisoo (Joshua): Just because you've been hurt doesn't give you the right to hurt others. Making someone smile is, sometimes, the best healing.

Wen Junhui (Jun): You should never get rid of the childlike side to you. Never let anyone make you feel bad for having fun.

Kwon Soonyoung (Hoshi): Never let anyone break your confidence. Because in the end, you're the only one who knows how far you've come.

Jeon Wonwoo: Just because you're quiet doesn't mean you have nothing to say. Sometimes, the quiet ones are the most powerful.

Lee Jihoon (Woozi): Always follow your passion in life. Because passion isn't something given by birth, rather it's found.

Lee Seokmin (Dk): Try to be the nicest person for someone else. Someday, you'll find someone who'll put in the effort for you, too.

Kim Mingyu: Live your life right now like how your future self, who's achieved all your dreams, would. And one day, you will get there.

Xu Minghao (The8): The perfect life isn't about just seeing things. It's about feeling things.

Boo Seungkwan: If you put in the effort every single day and stick to your goals, one day you'll look back and see that you've lived a perfect life.

Hansol Vernon Chwe: Never lose your thirst for knowledge. Learning, in the end, is what keeps you alive.

Lee Chan (Dino): Never do anything halfway. Ever. Give your 100% in absolutely everything that comes your way because progress will always be better than perfection.

And because of Seventeen, I've discovered my life motto, "I strive for the best, always."

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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Demn, this is out sooner than I had expected! Excited to read what happens next ヽ⁠(⁠｡⁠◕⁠o⁠◕⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠.

Spinsters do not Need Chaperones (Part 1)

Chaperones are for beautiful young girls. A plain older woman like you, with neither fortune nor youth to recommend her, is hardly in danger of losing her virtue. You've long resigned yourself to always being the supporting role in someone else’s romance.

But could it be that love and marriage have not disappeared entirely beyond your reach? This spinster may capture the heart of an eligible bachelor yet, if only she makes the right choices…

Genre: Seventeen hiphop unit x female! reader (alternate plots and endings for each member) Regency!AU (Sort of Bridgerton-esque but we keep it PG).

Word Count: 6.3k+

Series Masterlist here

Part 2 coming soon!

The carriage rumbled down the cobblestone streets, past fancy tea parlours and luxurious shops that only the most elite of London society could afford to frequent. You barely had time to glance at the names of the shops before they whizzed past you. The carriage was going at break-neck speed.

You seized the armrest and looked over at your travel companion and aunt, Lady Beaumont.

“Perhaps, my dear aunt,” you said shakily as the carriage hit a particularly painful bump on the road, “we might ask the driver to slow down?”

Lady Beaumont turned to you sharply. Her crinkled eyes and face resembled that of a vulture’s- curved and without compassion. You almost flinched when she glowered at you.

“Don't be silly! We are already running very, very late!” Lady Beaumont scolded.

“Yes, but would it not increase our tardiness if we were to have an accident on the way?” you pointed out.

Your hand was squeezed tightly by the young woman seated beside you. Julia Beaumont was Lady Beaumont’s only daughter and an innocent and sweet young girl of nineteen. Her big eyes were wide and she looked worried. This was your cousin’s first time in London among elite society. Julia had been kept sheltered and protected by her mother all her life and, as a result, was both naive and full of wonder.

The carriage rolled up at the large Beaumont house in the middle of London. It had barely come to a full halt before Lady Beaumont leapt out at a speed surprising for her advanced age, and started barking orders at the servants.

“Come take the trunks inside-quickly now!” she yelled at the porter. “Send the dresses up to the bed chambers urgently, we have barely an hour to prepare ourselves for dinner with the Chois- did you not hear me? I said send the dresses up first!”

You left the poor servants to handle Lady Beaumont’s wrath. Instead, you pushed past and went up the front stairs, smiling brightly at the head housekeeper who was waiting in the foyer.

“Mrs. Milly!” you greeted the older woman happily. You had known the housekeeper for years, having lived in London and this very house during your formative years. She had always been kind to you.

Mrs. Milly smiled at you brightly. “It is wonderful to see you again, Miss Beaumont. Have you been well?”

You sighed and glanced back to make sure your aunt was out of earshot. “Suffice it to say that I am happy to be back in London. But I have no time to tell you everything- we are about to be quite late to dinner with the Choi family and I fear my aunt will explode in flames if she discovers us chatting. I promise to speak to you properly tomorrow, Mrs. Milly.”

Mrs. Milly nodded and handed an envelope to you. “Of course, Miss Beaumont. I only wanted to give you a letter that arrived for you this morning.”

You took the letter with surprise. “A letter? But I had not informed anyone I was coming to London, except for…”

“Miss Kim. She delivered it personally and insisted that I give it to you as soon as you arrive, without a moment's delay,” Mrs. Milly replied.

You grinned. “Of course, who else would write to me but my dear Miss Kim? I shall read it immediately.”

“Don't let Lady Beaumont see you.”

You hurried up the winding staircase towards your usual bedchambers. The large London Beaumont house had been your grandfather’s while he was alive, and had been passed down in your extended family for generations. You spent many of your innocent childhood years playing in these vast halls, ignorant of strange adult concepts like inheritance and the entailment of ancestral estates which meant that the Beaumont house would never be fully yours. You were, and would always be, merely a guest here.

But heavens, it felt like home.

You hurried to dress for dinner. Your aunt would come upstairs any moment and scream at you if you did not seem ready. But as the handmaids helped tie up the laces of your gown, you couldn't resist the urge to rip open the envelope from Miss Kim and scan its contents.

My dear Miss Beaumont,

I was so delighted to learn that you would be in London today, that I simply could not resist the urge to write to you with my most recent news- my dearest friend, I am engaged to be married!

Mr. Park has asked for my hand and I have accepted him. We are to be married by September, here in London. I know that Lady Beaumont is unlikely to remain here beyond August, but I must beg you not to return to the countryside with her and instead stay with me in London to help me prepare for my wedding. I insist upon it most fervently- I shall not be married unless my dearest friend is in attendance!

I know you must be confused. You would have expected my engagement to be with a certain Mr. J. In that regard I can only say that I have put Mr. J behind me and I will tell you the details of what has occured when we meet in person.

Come to mine for breakfast tomorrow. Mingyu and Mama are eager to see you as well.

Yours,

Miss Kim.

You stared at the letter in shock. Miss Kim, despite being two years younger than you, was your closest friend in the world. You had both attended the same private seminary for girls in London during your teenage years and bonded strongly through a shared hatred for etiquette lessons and delight in tormenting your governesses. There was really nobody alive that you trusted and adored more than Miss Kim.

You had never doubted that she would marry, and marry well. Miss Kim was blessed with the excellent genes that ran in the Kim family. She also had a charming personality and a bountiful dowry of thirty thousand pounds. She would have almost any man she set her heart upon.

It had been your understanding that she had set her heart upon Mr. Jeon Wonwoo. Miss Kim had been waxing eloquent about her admiration for the handsome and mysterious gentleman that she was courting over the summer, so her sudden engagement to someone else- a Mr. Park whom you had never even heard of before- was very surprising to you and you couldn't understand it.

You had to respond to her letter immediately. You had just turned over the paper and were searching for some ink when the door to your bedchambers opened and Lady Beaumont entered.

“Are you ready for dinner yet?” your aunt demanded. You quickly stashed your friend’s letter between the folds of your dress and nodded.

“Yes, of course, Aunt.”

“Come outside. I wish to speak to you alone.”

Lady Beaumont disappeared down the corridor and you sighed, forced to follow her downstairs where the carriage was waiting to take your family to dinner at the Choi manor. Your aunt turned to you suddenly with an anxious expression.

“I expect you to be very thoughtful about your behaviour tonight,” Lady Beaumont said in a low voice.

You blinked at her.

“I’m afraid I don't understand,” you replied. Your aunt held no particular fondness for you, you knew that. She had been forced into the role of your guardian by the unexpected death of your parents. But you had still been brought up in a noble family, attended one of the most prestigious girls’ seminaries in London and been out in polite society for many years. Surely there was no reason to suspect you could not behave yourself at a dinner?

Your aunt sighed. “Don't be intentionally obtuse. You are old enough to understand- you are practically a spinster now. You know perfectly well why it is so important that our dinner with the Choi family be a successful one.”

You did know, but you couldn't pass up the opportunity to force your Aunt to explain herself to you. Perhaps in saying it aloud she would recognise how manipulative she sounded.

“Remind me, dear Aunt,” you said lightly.

“The moment your uncle, Lord Beaumont- passes away, the Beaumont estate will be lost to us. It is entailed, you know, and there are no near male relations to inherit it according to the terms of the entailment. Oh! How unfair that the home which you and Julia have grown up in must be taken away from you due to some ancient rules about inheritance by male primogeniture!”

You simply blinked. You had heard your Aunt complain about this before. Hearing about the terms of the estate's entailment did not bring you any joy, but it was hardly news. The latest generation of the Beaumont family consisted only of daughters- you and your cousin Julia. Neither your late father nor your uncle had borne sons.

“Yes, I know,” you replied.

“Once your uncle passes, the estate shall be inherited by his distant relations- the Chois, and in particular their eldest son Mr. Choi Seungcheol. You, I and poor Julia shall be put out on the streets quite immediately! You understand that the only way to protect ourselves from the terrible consequences of this entail is for Mr. Choi to marry our dear Julia. At least then, the Beaumont estate will remain in our family.”

You pressed your fingers to your forehead. You had known what she planned even before Lady Beaumont explained it to you. It was her grand scheme for Julia to marry Mr. Choi Seungcheol so that the Beaumont estate was not lost to some distant relations. You could sympathise. It was not easy to accept that the estate your family had possessed for generations would so easily be handed to a complete stranger.

“I am conscious of your intentions, dear aunt,” you told her patiently. “I cannot think what my behaviour has to do with it.”

“Julia is young and beautiful and has many charms to recommend her to Mr. Choi, but we must do our best to encourage the match. I shall contrive ways for them to spend more time together, but they must be chaperoned. I shall expect your support in this regard.”

You blinked at her. “You want me to chaperone Julia? I thought your presence would be sufficient, aunt, why does Julia require another chaperone?”

Lady Beaumont frowned. “I may be old but I am not ignorant to the ways of youth. Mr. Choi will hardly be able to court Julia properly if her mother is always hanging about. The presence of parents puts a damper on romance. No, it must be you who chaperones them and you must encourage him to pay attention to her. Julia is too young and foolish to handle Mr. Choi with delicacy- and there is simply too much at stake.”

You raised an eyebrow. You didn’t look forward to chaperoning your young cousin about her courtships, but it was a small sacrifice to make. At least Lady Beaumont was conscious that her own presence would not be conducive to the proposed romance. You had to give your aunt some credit for her self-awareness.

“Yes, aunt, if that is what you wish. I will be happy to chaperone Julia and encourage Mr. Choi to court her in whatever way I can,” you replied.

“Yes. We can only hope that in contrast to you, Julia will look young and pretty and lively and manage to capture Mr. Choi’s attention,” your Aunt added bluntly.

The underlying insult did not go unheard. You were clearly too old and dull and plain to pose a threat to Julia. You tried not to be offended. Being in your late twenties and possessing only a paltry dowry meant that spinsterhood was bearing heavily upon you. You would not be attractive to rich, well-bred bachelors like Mr. Choi. Lady Beaumont was correct to think that Julia was the better bet.

“I shall try my best to bring Julia’s charms into contrast,” you replied tiredly.

“I also hear Mr. Choi has a younger brother named Vernon. He is not due to inherit anything at all, so we must ensure he does not set his sights upon Julia. That would be quite disastrous. You must keep him safely at a distance,” your Aunt pressed.

You raised an eyebrow. “You have many expectations, dear aunt.”

Lady Beaumont bristled. “This is your obligation to our family. You failed to secure a rich husband while you were young and somewhat pretty, despite your uncle spending so much money to have you educated at a private seminary in London. Now you must at least do your best for your cousin.”

“I will always have Julia’s best interests at heart,” you promised.

“Good. Let us hurry- Julia! Julia, are you ready to leave? The carriage is waiting for us outside, we haven't a moment to delay!”

—--------------------------------------------------

The letter from your friend Miss Kim was still tucked into the folds of your dress and you had a few moments of leisure to think about it as the Beaumont carriage rumbled down to the Choi manor.

What could have possessed Miss Kim to abandon her courtship with the mysterious Mr. Jeon and become engaged to somebody entirely new? You were flooded with a mixture of curiosity and concern over what had changed your friend’s heart in a matter of weeks. You were also worried about this new character Mr. Park and his intentions- although Miss Kim had a very protective older brother to guide her in such matters. Mingyu would never have permitted her engagement to someone who was unworthy of her. If this Mr. Park had managed to obtain Mingyu's approval, he must certainly be a good man.

“What do you think Mr. Choi is like?” Julia asked you anxiously, as the carriage approached the Choi residence.

You looked down at your younger cousin and thought for a moment about her question. “Oh- erm… I am afraid I haven't had the pleasure of his acquaintance, Julia. I am told the Chois do not spend much time in London since they are mainly in the shipping trade in Portsmouth. But I have heard Mr. Choi described as an intelligent and capable gentleman.”

“Do you think he will like me?”

You smiled at her reassuringly. “Of course, Julia; you are quite the pretty picture. Only be a little careful with your manners and I am sure Mr. Choi will be blinded by your charms.”

Julia blushed, pleased, and turned to look out of the window with a little smile on her face. Your cousin was the perfect picture of youth and innocence- just the sort of thing men liked. It was difficult to imagine that Mr. Choi Seungcheol (whatever his personality and preferences) could not be persuaded to fall in love with her.

The carriage rolled to a halt outside the Choi manor.

Your family was greeted at the entrance of a sizeable mansion by the elderly Mrs. Choi. She was, as per your information, the widowed mother of Mr. Choi Seungcheol and Mr. Choi Vernon. She was a tall, statutely lady with greying hair and a naturally graceful manner that you couldn't help but admire.

“Lady Beaumont, what a pleasure to make your acquaintance at long last,” Mrs. Choi welcomed your aunt with great warmth. She then turned to smile at you and Julia. “And these must be your lovely daughters.”

“My daughter, Julia- and this is my niece,” your aunt replied quickly. “It is wonderful to meet you as well, Mrs. Choi. We were most gratified by your invitation to dinner.”

“My sons and I have been wanting to make your formal acquaintance for so long, but it was not possible since we are very rarely in London. My eldest son is quite busy in the shipping business in Portsmouth, as I have told you before. But now that we are here, I simply could not allow the opportunity to pass.”

Your aunt smiled brightly as your family was guided into the manor’s foyer. The Chois had a lovely manor, but it was not quite as splendid as the Beaumont house.

“It is a pity indeed that Mr. Choi Seungcheol cannot find time with his shipping business to attend the social season in London,” your aunt said, with a sly undertone, “for surely it cannot be easy to find a wife of good breeding in Portsmouth!”

You tried not to cringe. Did your aunt have to be quite so obvious about her intentions and talk of marriage even before sitting down? But Lady Beaumont would feel no shame, and surprisingly, Mrs. Choi took the comment in good humour.

“I agree- I have been encouraging Seungcheol to spend more time among the ton, and it is time he thought about marriage and settling down. But men will rarely allow themselves to be rushed into such things,” Mrs. Choi added as she led you all into the large dining parlour. Two gentlemen were seated at the table and they both rose quickly and quietly to greet your family.

“Lady Beaumont, please allow me to introduce my sons- the elder, Seungcheol and the younger, Vernon.”

You had to drop into a polite curtsy and keep your eyes low as Lady Beaumont introduced you to the Choi brothers. When they invited you all to sit at the table, you were able to get a good look at the two brothers who sat across from you at the dining table.

Mr. Choi Seungcheol was a tall, broad-shouldered man. He had dark hair, dark eyes, and was as classically handsome as one could possibly expect from a man in his thirties. Yet there was something mysterious about him. He had a strong aura- one that radiated a sense of charismatic authority.

“Do you spend much time in London, Miss Julia?” Seungcheol asked conversationally once the initial introductions were completed, and everyone had taken their seats at the table.

You glanced at Julia. Your cousin was staring at Seungcheol like a deer caught in the headlights and her mouth opened and closed wordlessly. You quickly picked up on her distress and jumped in to save the conversation.

“My cousin Julia has not yet had the advantage of a full social season in London- she has only just made her debut,” you replied quickly.

Seungcheol’s dark eyes turned to you.

“I see. And yourself, Miss Beaumont?”

You blinked- Mr. Choi certainly had excellent manners to enquire after you and not focus on his potential bride. “I have spent plenty of time in London, Mr. Choi. I was educated at a private seminary here, and have attended many social seasons.”

Mr. Choi nodded. “And do you like London very much?”

“London has many things to recommend it, and I have been fortunate to make some good friends here. Is my understanding correct, Mr. Choi, have you not had the liberty to spend much time here?” you enquired politely.

“I am afraid business keeps me mostly in Portsmouth during the social season,” Seungcheol replied simply. “My brother Vernon is in London often for his studies- although I doubt you would have found him at social events organised by the ton.”

You finally had an opportunity to turn and look at the younger Choi brother. Vernon was seated to your left, and although there was a slight resemblance, he looked quite different from Seungcheol. Vernon’s hair was a lighter brown and his eyes were much softer and kinder. He didn't have the same force of personality as his brother- indeed, you had almost forgotten that he was there. Vernon radiated a sense of calm and quiet self-assuredness that you found quite pleasing.

“May I ask what you are studying, Mr. Vernon?” you enquired politely.

Vernon nodded, his brown eyes meeting your gaze easily. “Of course, Miss Beaumont. I am currently pursuing the study of law at Oxford.”

“Oh! It must be very difficult,” you commented. “I imagine the study of a serious profession like that requires much hard work and intelligence.”

Vernon only gave you a humble smile in return.

“Oh-yes, Vernon is very intelligent,” his mother chimed in. Mrs. Choi seemed to enjoy talking about her sons. “We are indeed very proud of Vernon and hope that he will become a very successful barrister- but he has many years of study left for that.”

You nodded. “I wish you the very best for your studies, Mr. Choi.”

“Thank you,” he replied pleasantly.

Lady Beaumont spoke up- she had enough of you dominating the conversation and was now determined to turn it towards her daughter Julia- poor Julia, who still looked terrified and had barely touched her dinner.

“Julia has been studying music lately,” Lady Beaumont interrupted in a rather obvious attempt at a segue. “She has become quite the accomplished pianist for her age.”

Mrs. Choi smiled. “Is that so? We have a small pianoforte in the drawing room. You must play a little for us after dinner, Miss Julia. My sons and I are all quite fond of some good music.”

Julia swallowed.

“Say yes,” you mumbled to your cousin, reaching under the table to squeeze her hand.

“Y-yes,” Julia squeaked out. “I-I shall be delighted to…”

The dinner went on pleasantly enough. Other than a few pointed remarks from your aunt about how Mr. Choi would surely not find a bride in Portsmouth (which, to Seungcheol’s credit, he handled quite graciously) and another incident in which Julia dropped her glass from nerves (Vernon was kind enough to immediately pick it up for her and gesture for a servant to tidy up the mess) the dinner passed among pleasant small talk about London, the shipping business in Portsmouth, and a little light gossip about the ton.

The group retired to the drawing room after dinner and Julia was persuaded to sit down at the pianoforte to play some music for the Chois. You volunteered to stand next to your cousin on the pretext of turning the pages of her music, and leaned down to whisper to her.

“Are you all right?” you whispered to Julia as she played. “You have been very quiet and anxious.”

Julia blinked up at you. Her fingers tripped momentarily and she hit the wrong key but she recovered quickly. “Oh cousin, isn't he quite scary? I find him rather intimidating!”

You blinked down at her. “Mr. Choi Seungcheol? He seems very well-spoken. I found him quite mature and reasonable.”

“But the way he glares…”

“He has a somewhat serious appearance,” you admitted. “But he is the head of his family and from what I have heard, has expanded his shipping business quite single-handedly. Men who carry a lot of responsibility are sometimes a little solemn in their manners, you know, but it is not so bad.”

“I hope you are right,” Julia muttered. “But I am quite scared to talk to him. You must not ever let me be alone with him.”

“You will always be chaperoned,” you promised her.

“His brother Mr. Vernon seems very nice. He was kind enough to help me when I dropped the glass. Alas, he is a law student and I am sure mother would never approve.”

“She certainly wouldn't,” you muttered. “Mr. Choi Vernon is a second son and he will have to marry a woman that comes with either a handsome dowry or an inheritance- so I would not put any hopes there, dear Julia.”

Julia sighed. “Yes, all right. I did not find him particularly charming either, only that he seemed less scary than his brother.”

“You will be fine,” you promised her. “Only try not to worry and be true to yourself. Do you need me to continue turning pages?”

“No, you may sit down.”

You left your cousin to handle the piano and joined your aunt and Mrs. Choi in their conversation. Lady Beaumont looked quite elated, and you were almost afraid to take your seat and find out had excited your aunt quite so much.

“Oh my dear niece; but, you must hear this! Mrs. Choi has been very gracious to invite you, me and Julia to spend the autumn at their estate in Portsmouth!” Lady Beaumont cried. Her eyes were bright with delight. “Is that not incredibly generous of her?”

Your stomach clenched. “Oh- yes, Mrs. Choi, that is very generous and kind.”

Mrs. Choi smiled. “Not at all! I shall be very glad of the company. Portsmouth is certainly nothing compared to London, but it is a lively enough place to spend the off-season,” Mrs. Choi replied graciously.

Lady Beaumont beamed. “Indeed, and we shall be very happy to accept-”

“Aunt,” you interrupted her quickly. The letter from your close friend Miss Kim was still tucked inside the folds of your dress. “I am sure it will be a wonderful visit for you and Julia, but you may have to excuse me for I have other engagements in London.”

Your aunt turned to you sharply. “What nonsense! What engagements can you possibly have?”

“My dear friend Miss Kim is to be married-”

“And? What do you have to do with her marriage?” your Aunt demanded.

“She is my dearest friend-”

Mrs. Choi interrupted the scolding that you were about to receive from Lady Beaumont with a kind and patient smile. “Forgive me, Miss Beaumont, I was not aware that you were closely acquainted with the Kim family.”

“Miss Kim and I attended school together,” you replied with a grateful smile to the older woman. “Her family was kind enough to host me at their London home during the social seasons and to sponsor my debut among the ton after my parents passed. I have attended the last few social seasons as Miss Kim’s companion and I am greatly indebted to her family for their kindness to me.”

There was a hint of sympathy in the look Mrs. Choi gave you. Perhaps she had just been reminded of the fact that you were an orphan. She also gave a surprised look to Lady Beaumont.

“Indeed! I was not aware that Miss Beaumont had to rely on the Kims to debut in society and attend the social season in London,” Mrs. Choi replied.

Lady Beaumont looked flustered at the implication that she had not done enough for you as a guardian. “Well yes, naturally- Julia was still a young child and I could not leave her behind to chaperone my niece, so we permitted her to debut while under the temporary guardianship of the Kims. Not that it helped her any, she still never managed to secure a husband.”

Mrs. Choi’s eyes widened. “Surely Miss Beaumont can still-”

“Nonsense, she is quite the spinster now and I see no further use in her staying in London,” Lady Beaumont replied while glaring at you. “London is hardly going to produce any new husbands for you at this point. You had better come with us to Portsmouth.”

You clenched your fists. “Aunt-”

Mrs. Choi interrupted softly. “I would not wish for you to break any engagements you may have with the Kims, Miss Beaumont. But if you are able to join us, you will be most warmly welcomed in Portsmouth.”

You felt a sudden wave of gratitude and respect for Mrs. Choi, and you nodded at her. “Thank you very much, madam.”

“The song Julia is playing is most delightful. Your daughter is a very accomplished pianist, Lady Beaumont!” Mrs. Choi said.

Your aunt smiled, a little placated. “Yes…”

—-----------------------------------------------------

You awoke early- earlier than your aunt or Julia- and dressed quickly for breakfast with Miss Kim to demand answers about your dear friend's sudden engagement. It would have alerted Lady Beaumont if you had called for the carriage, so you decided to walk instead. The weather was pleasant enough, and the Kims’ home was not too far away.

You were just strolling past a shop window and admiring a pretty pair of shoes (that you certainly couldn't afford yourself, but perhaps you could persuade your Aunt that they would look nice on Julia), when you found yourself face-to-face with a tall gentleman.

“Oh!” you cried, quickly taking a few steps back to avoid bumping into the man.

“My apologies,” he said, looking down at you. The voice was familiar, as was the face that looked up at you. “Are you all-”

“Mr. Jeon!” you recognised him.

He paused and his dark eyes scanned your face quickly. Mr. Jeon Wonwoo was quite unmistakable, even from a distance. He had piercing dark eyes and was always impeccably dressed in dark coats that hinted at the musculature underneath. It was difficult to decide whether Mr. Jeon was handsome or terrifying- perhaps it was a mixture of both, really.

“Miss Beaumont,” Mr. Jeon greeted you in his usual slow, deep voice. There was no smile on his face. “I am surprised to see you here. I was not aware that you were in London.”

You cleared your throat and nodded politely. “Ah- yes, I arrived only yesterday evening.”

“Are you staying with the Kims’, as always?”

You were surprised that he could mention the Kims so casually after what you had learned about Miss Kim’s engagement. You tried to gauge his expression- but Mr. Jeon Wonwoo’s expression was akin to a brick wall.

“No, I am staying at the Beaumont manor, as I have come with my aunt and cousin,” you replied patiently. Could it be possible that Mr. Jeon had not even heard the news of the engagement himself? You decided to test the waters. “But I am on my way to the Kims’ for breakfast now. Perhaps you would care to join me?”

The corner of Wonwoo’s lip twitched- ah. He did know of the engagement, he was only putting on a careless front. You felt almost triumphant in managing to extract some emotion from this famously mysterious man.

“I am afraid I am otherwise engaged this morning,” Mr. Jeon replied stiffly, “but thank you for the invitation.”

“Of course.”

“Good day, Miss Beaumont.”

“Good day, Mr. Jeon.”

He walked away and you paused in the street for a moment to glance after his disappearing figure. You did not know Mr. Jeon very well- naturally, your acquaintance with him was only as the gentleman that was courting your friend. Yet you couldn't help but find Mr. Jeon almost amusing. The man regularly went to a great amount of care and effort to hide his emotions, and it seemed almost a shame.

You continued on to the Kims’ manor. The butler greeted you at the entrance, clearly expecting your arrival. You were guided into the breakfast parlour, where you were promptly attacked by Miss Kim.

“My friend!”

Miss Kim had engulfed you in a warm hug before you even had an opportunity to look around the room. You stumbled backwards and laughed, delighted to see her after many weeks apart.

“Miss Kim,” you replied, returning her friendly embrace. “I am very delighted to see you but indeed, you must allow me to breathe.”

She released you and beamed. “I am so happy to see you! Did you get my letter?”

“I did indeed, I was quite shocked to hear-”

You were interrupted by the voice of Mr. Kim Mingyu, who was seated at the dining table a short distance away and flipping through the morning paper. He was dressed in a very fashionable blue coat and looked up at you with twinkling eyes and his usual boyish, charming smile.

“Sister, surely you can allow Miss Beaumont to sit down and have a bit of breakfast before you begin haranguing her. Good morning, Miss Beaumont,” he added with a smile in your direction.

You smiled back at him, as Miss Kim took your arm and led you to the breakfast table.

“Good morning, Mingyu. I hope you are doing well?” you asked.

“I expect I will be a great deal better now that you are here. My sister has been driving us all quite mad since some time now, and we shall be more than happy to hand her over to your generous care,” he replied cheekily.

You laughed. “I shall be glad to take her from you, Mingyu.”

“And I insist that you do not leave again for such a long period, for she has become quite unbearable in your absence. My mother and I insist you share responsibility for the monster you have helped create.”

You laughed. You knew Mr. Kim Mingyu all too well- from his rather awkward and gangly teenage years until he became the present handsome and charming bachelor. You would not pretend that you had not had your fair share of attraction towards Mingyu in the past- but you had long matured out of those childish attractions and had instead come to respect his good character and regard him as a valuable friend.

“I am here now, Mr. Kim, so you may return to your paper,” you told him with a smile.

Mr. Kim nodded. “Much obliged.”

Miss Kim ushered you to sit down and generously piled your plate full of food from the breakfast table as she spoke in a rapid, eager tone.

“You must meet Mr. Park at once, you will adore him. He is such a wonderful and handsome gentleman and he is so charming, he says the loveliest things and I am quite smitten with him. I know you do not believe in silly things such as love at first sight and perhaps it was not quite that, but I must tell you that I was very sure soon after meeting him that this was the man for me.”

“Slow down,” you told her with a laugh. “Who is this Mr. Park? What do we know of him?”

“He has a large estate in Derbyshire that he has only just inherited from his late uncle. He enjoys horse riding, and hunting, and is excellent at cards-” Miss Kim went on eagerly.

You nodded. “Yes, but what do we-”

“Let me pour you some tea- oh no, the pot is empty. Marie! Marie! Can you bring us some more tea, please- oh, where has this maid got to…”

You watched in surprise as your overly excited friend rushed out of the room to procure more tea. She was certainly very enthusiastic- far more enthusiastic than she had ever been when she was courting Mr. Jeon. You turned to Mingyu and gave him a meaningful look.

“Mingyu…”

He looked up from his paper. “Yes?”

“What do we really know of this man?” you asked pointedly.

Mingyu smiled softly and folded the newspaper closed. “You are thoughtful to be concerned, Miss Beaumont, but there is no need. I have had Mr. Park thoroughly investigated. He is who he claims to be. I have watched them and as strange as it is, he really does seem to be quite the perfect match for my sister. He is able to match her high energy and passionate feelings in a way I have not seen any other gentleman achieve.”

You winced. “I suppose you mean Mr. Jeon.”

Mingyu sighed. “Yes, that courtship is quite at its natural end. Thank goodness they never got quite so far as for him to propose.”

“Is Mr. Jeon all right?”

“He certainly wouldn't tell me if he wasn't,” Mingyu replied with a sigh. “I cannot pretend to know whether or not the man is heartbroken, but I do believe that it was for the best. I am afraid Wonwoo was not a very good fit for my sister. Time will heal his wounds eventually.”

You nodded. There was some wisdom in Mingyu’s words. “Yes- and if you say Mr. Park really is such a perfect fit for Miss Kim-”

“He is.”

Miss Kim returned along with a maid carrying a pot of tea and sat down beside you with a huge smile. “Shall I invite Mr. Park for tea tomorrow? Will you meet him then?” she asked eagerly.

You bit your lip. “I would love to, but… I am afraid my aunt wants me to go to Portsmouth for the autumn with her and Julia.”

Miss Kim’s face fell. “No! Surely you cannot, you must stay in London!”

“I am afraid Julia needs me, my aunt is trying to encourage a match between her and Mr. Choi Seungcheol. Julia will be in need of a chaperone-”

Your friend scoffed. “A chaperone? It is quite outrageous for Lady Beaumont to demand your time and attention now, when she never even bothered to come to London for you when you were in need of a chaperone. Miss Beaumont! You cannot mean to tell me that you will miss my engagement ball and wedding to go to Portsmouth of all places?”

You sighed and sipped your tea. “Believe me, friend, I have no great interest in going to Portsmouth. But there is an obligation to my family… I will try to persuade my aunt to let me stay in London for a while longer.”

Miss Kim pressed your hand desperately. “You must. And if you are in Portsmouth at the time of my wedding then I shall hire someone to kidnap you and bring you to London.”

You laughed. “I shall come quite willingly.”

You leaned back in your seat and listened patiently to Miss Kim gush about her first meeting with Mr. Park- how she had met him at the Michaels’ grand ball at the start of season and he had captivated her attention from their first dance.

It appeared that you had a very difficult decision ahead of you. Should you follow your family to Portsmouth or stay in London? Either way, you would surely have a very interesting few months ahead of you.

--------------------------------------------------------

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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Spinsters do not Need Chaperones (teaser)

Seventeen HHU Regency!AU

But could it be that love and marriage have not disappeared entirely beyond your reach? This spinster may capture the heart of an eligible bachelor yet, if only she makes the right choices…

Part 1 Coming on May 13th!

genre: svt hip hop unit x female! reader (alternate endings for each member), regency!au in the vibe of Bridgerton but we keep things PG here.

If you haven't already, see my other regency!au Seventeen fics here

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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mine | joshua hong

SYNOPSIS. in which joshua is the best thing that's ever been... yours. PAIRING. joshua hong x gn!reader (ft. cheol, jeonghan, soonyoung, mingyu, chan - they don't rlly have dialogue tho lol) GENRE. fluff, some angst, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, established relationship WARNINGS. a very very brief shirtless joshua moment LMAO, implications of reader having a toxic ex, mentions that reader's parents have a rocky relationship and separate, kissing, terms of endearment, reader and joshua have a lil argument WORD COUNT. 3.6k

requested from @staranghae: joshua + mine by taylor swift for the 2k followers event please 🩷🎀

notes: i am fluent in this song!!!! whenever my love playlist comes on and this plays i literally scream lungs out!!! and shua fits this vibe so much <3

join the 2k celebration!

ONE. "i was a flight risk, with a fear of falling / wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts..."

Maybe you've always underestimated how the feeling of fresh air hitting your lungs makes you feel so replenished, free, like a single whiff blows away those gusts of worry in an instant.

Your fingers carry a tight, secure grip on Seungcheol's surfboard𑁋you volunteered to carry it for him so he could unload the other things from the van𑁋soft sand meeting your toes the second you step onto the beach for the first time of the summer season. Salty air tingles at your nose, the late afternoon sun baring down on your shoulders, and the expanse of the ocean opens up right before your eyes.

This place had basically watched you grow up. It carries a lot of memories that you hold dear to your heart.

You see Soonyoung already digging into the sand with an abnormally large stick, and Mingyu carrying a bunch of firewood in his arms before dropping them down onto the ground (and accidentally one on his foot, but you won't say anything about that).

However, your eyes drift and land on a figure running up from the beach shore. His dark hair is wet and sticking to his forehead, chest and arms revealed in all its glory before quickly covered up by a white, somewhat lacy button-down shirt that still doesn't do much in concealing the muscles underneath. For a moment, you nearly loose the grip on Seungcheol's surfboard.

Joshua Hong seems to spot you from even a mile away. He's running up to you before you even have the minute to breathe, a grin splitting his face that's as warm as the setting sun. Sand clings to his damp flip-flops and the hem of his black shorts as he nearly skids to a halt in front of you, chest heaving and out of breath. His shirt isn't even buttoned, dammit.

"Hey," he greets you breathlessly, letting his eyes take you in for a second. "Glad you could make it."

A soft smile of your own blooms on your face. "It's good to see you too, asshole."

A flicker of feigned hurt plays across Joshua's features. "Come on. That was so two years ago! I didn't want to push you in the water. You should know that by now."

"Wow, you care so much about me, don't you?" You nearly swing Seungcheol's surfboard playfully in his direction. "You listen to Jeonghan more than your own little brain."

"I swear, it's changed. Everything's changed since then," Joshua reasons lightly. "You have my ears for the entire night, I promise."

His words hang in the air for a moment, and there's perhaps a sliver of fondness in his eyes that you catch when your gazes meet. You feel a certain warmth spread through your chest that you try so hard to ignore each time he's around you.

You brush it off with a roll of your eyes before strolling past him, hoping that Seungcheol's surfboard was enough to cover up the slight flush creeping up your cheeks. The smile to your face still lingers as you walk towards to where Soonyoung and Mingyu are, whom dash up to you the moment they see you to engulf you in a welcoming hug.

Mingyu is almost done setting up the bonfire by the time you and Seungcheol bring all the food and supplies from the van. Jeonghan and Chan had arrived by the time the fire is lit up and crackling, casting a warm, inviting glow on the beach scene. And it isn't long when the yearly traditions of a group bonfire and beachside barbecue commence.

The smell of grilled food fills the air, mixing with the salty breeze and the crackle of the fire. And just for those moments, you forget these fuzzy feelings swirling around you as familiar laughter and camaraderie take over instead.

You've known all of your friends for different amounts of times, but being here with all of them makes it feel like time hasn't passed by at all. Inside jokes are exchanged, memories from as far as childhood resurface, and stories are told that leave you all doubled over with laughter (and Soonyoung nearly choking on a marshmallow).

It's almost natural in the way your eyes seem to search for Joshua's every single time that feeling of happiness threatens to overflow within you. The fire flickers upon his face, his eyes crinkled deeply when he smiles. Happiness looks good on him, you think. It always has.

...does his eyes search for yours too?

By the time the fire dies down, you find yourself sitting near the edge of the beach, with your legs stretched on the sand and the waves barely lapping against your feet. Seungcheol and Mingyu are already out on the ocean on their surfboards, then there's Chan and Soonyoung struggling to get their sandcastle to stay up, and Jeonghan is already knocked out on a beach towel. It's just you, and wherever the hell Joshua is.

"Something's bothering you, isn't it?"

The voice snaps you away from your thoughts, and you pick your head up to see Joshua walking up to you. A cool breeze flows through his strands of his hair as he approaches.

You blink at him. "What?"

He sits down beside you on the sand, close enough that the warmth of his body brushes against yours. "You were too quiet earlier."

You face back towards the water, cowering your head down as if guilty of some sorts.

"Oh," You murmur, somewhat to yourself. "Sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Joshua asks, nudging you lightly on the shoulder. "I told you earlier that I would be all ears for you."

You smile faintly at that. Would you still be all ears if I told you that I've been such a coward with my feelings for you?

"It's... just boy problems, I guess," You respond, though you feel a twinge of regret for wording it like that. It's more than just simply boy problems.

Joshua's jaw seems to tighten at that. "Did that jerk contact you again?"

You know who exactly he's talking about, and you let out a sigh. "No, not him. I... I blocked him a few months ago when he tried spam calling me again. Sort of gave me a good scare, to be honest."

At the corner of your eye, Joshua's hand digs aimlessly into the sand, clenching and unclenching a fistful before smoothing it out again.

"I'm glad you're okay," he says softly, gaze fixed on the grains of sand slipping through his fingers. "You deserve someone way better than him."

You chuckle at that, and a bittersweet pang shoots through your chest. It's true, you deserve better. But really, the problem isn't just jerks and bad relationships. It's the thought of falling for someone again and it all comes crashing down... again.

But it's not like you could hold back from falling when you've already fallen. The truth is undeniable at this point𑁋your heart already beats a little faster for the boy right next to you.

"Guys! Look at the sunset!" Chan's voice rings out into the cool, evening air, pointing an excited finger towards the horizon.

Simultaneously, you and Joshua bring your eyes up tot the sky together. The last rays of the sun are painting the sky in a breathtaking display of fiery oranges, pinks, and purples, like a fleeting masterpiece before nightfall takes hold.

"Wow," You mutter out in awe. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Joshua cocks his head to the side, a low hum leaving his lips. "Hmm, I could think of something more beautiful than that, honestly."

You scoff, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. "You ruined the sentimental moment, idiot."

Joshua lets out an amused laugh, a sound that sends those flutters blossoming in your stomach, one you haven't realised you've missed until this very moment. A small giggle of your own escapes your mouth as you bring your eyes back to the sunset together.

Then a low yawn stifles out of you. Maybe everything that has happened the past few hours are finally catching up to you. You let out another yawn, hoping Joshua doesn't notice. But of course, he does.

"Getting tired?" he asks you.

You give a small nod. "Just a little."

A few moment pass, before you feel an arm drape casually over your shoulders. The scent of Joshua and his warmth seeps within your bones. You almost want to protest, but the words get caught in your throat, and you lean your head on his shoulder, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest with each breath.

Perhaps you could spend a long time staying in this position and hope the silence is able to spill all the words you've been meaning to say for all this time, but you know it's easier said than done. Because what's the point of confessing anymore if you know it won't ever last? That you know it'll ruin everything you've built up to get this far?

You've seen it happen around you𑁋with you, your parents, hell even strangers online. It's taught you nothing but to run. That's what your mind tells you to do, but not your heart. And maybe you listen to your mind more often than not.

"Yo, Josh!" Mingyu's voice hollers out from the ocean, and you feel a certain pressure be lifted up from your head (when did he lay his head on yours?) as you catch the sight of Seungcheol and Mingyu motioning to their surfboards. "Wanna hop on?"

Joshua briefly glances down at you, and you meet his gaze, seeing the indecision in his features.

"I don't mind," You tell him. "I'll be fine here."

He hesitates. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me." You pick your head off from his shoulders. "Go have your boy-fun."

Joshua gives you a small smile, though there's a hint of reluctance in his expression. He shouts back to Mingyu and Seungcheol before standing up and brushing the sand off his shorts. You could hardly pull your eyes away from him as he does so.

He starts trotting away as you face back toward the ocean with a sigh, relinquishing the moments you get to have to gather up your thoughts.

"Hey, Y/N?"

You pick your eyes back up to Joshua marching back towards you. He stops in front of you, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

"You look beautiful today, by the way." Then he gives shoots you a wink before turning back around. "Just wanted you to know."

The kiss you leave to his cheek later on was really worth the risk.

TWO. "you learn my secrets and you figure out why i'm guarded / you say we'll never make my parents' mistakes..."

A picture frame of a four-year-old Joshua is staring back at you. He still has that same silly grin on his face, the one that has his own eyes smiling as well and makes your heart feel lighter every time you look at it. You reach out to touch the frame, tracing the outline of his little face with your fingertip.

Sometimes, you wish you could experience what he was like at this time𑁋to grow up with him, to know what exactly led him to meeting you. But then again, he's already here with you now, and maybe that's all that matters.

"All ready for bed?" Joshua's voice popping in makes you swiftly place back the picture frame back on his desk. You turn around to see him leaning against the doorway with a soft smile playing on his lips, clad with a simple white t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants.

"Mhm," You hum out in response as you settle back under the covers of his bed.

It isn't the first night you've spent with him at his place, but you seem to seek the feeling of his comfort more often than sleeping in your own bed. Jeonghan has been kind of nagging you the two of you to move in together at this point, but that's a leap you're a bit hesitant to jump right now. But the drawer of your own clothes in his wardrobe is a bit of an argument that's hard to defend.

Joshua crawls his way into the spot right next to you, slipping under the duvet and wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you more into his embrace. You feel his breath meet the nape of your neck, warm and soothing against your skin, and your eyes flutter to the feeling.

You shift your position so that you're facing him. His eyes are already closed, lips pursed up slightly, and even then he still looks absolutely stunning. But you know he isn't asleep. Not yet, at least.

"My parents had uh... another argument today," You confess lowly, hesitantly.

Joshua's eyes open up slightly, adjusting his head so he can look at you better. A faint crease of concern appears between his brows, the arm around you tightening imperceptibly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You bite at your bottom lip anxiously. There are times you feel as if the only thing that could get you talking is always something revolving your parents, and you wonder if Joshua ever gets tired hearing about all of it. The thought courses insecurity to crawl in your veins, tightening your throat.

But Joshua's patient gaze towards you cuts through the uncertainty bubbling in your chest.

"Just same old, same old, you know?" You attempt to explain. "It just feels like they can't see eye-to-eye anymore. There's like... I don't know... nothing left between them, I guess. And it scares me that... it'll happen to us."

The last sentence suspends thickly into the air. Even then, you know it's more than the truth𑁋you've grown up witnessing and overhearing arguments from your parents that laid down this pessimistic view on the world around you.

You could feel your heart racing from all the anticipation. There's a wave of emotions that washes over Joshua's face, then he takes a deep breath and squeezes you tighter in his hold.

"Hey," he mutters. "Look at me."

You hesitantly meet his eyes.

"We're not like them, okay?" he assures you simply, bringing his hand up to cup your face oh-so gently in his hold. "We may argue sometimes. But the difference is, we communicate. We listen to each other. And we may not have all the answers to everything, but we'll figure it out together, alright?"

You swear you can feel the way he's holding your face also on your heart, like he's protecting you in a way from any doubts that might creep in. A small sigh escapes you, the tension leaving your shoulders as his words wrap around you comfortingly. The faintest, appreciative curve appears to your lips as you feel Joshua's thumb brush against your cheek.

He dreamily smiles at you as well, despite his face being half-buried in the pillow. And the thought of being able to wake up to this sight every single day suddenly feels a lot less like a leap and a whole lot more like a promise.

Somehow, the gap between the two of you disappears as your lips meets his. He kisses you so tenderly, mouth moving against yours with a delicate urgency, and the tiny sound that leaves you brings that smirk you could feel forming on his face.

You feel almost dizzy when you pull away, nothing but a shy look gracing over your features.

"Feeling better?" Joshua asks softly, brushing a stray strand of hair away from your face.

You could only gaze at him, wondering to yourself how he's even in real, how someone like him could exist with his sleepy smile, messy hair, and perfect features carved by the angels above, yet cherish you so dearly.

"Can you..." Your eyes flicker from eyes to his lips. "Can you... keep kissing me?"

It feels really silly to ask that, however Joshua just chuckles, the sound rumbling from deep within his chest as he peers at you with nothing but adoration.

"Of course," he replies, leaning back in. "Whatever you want."

THREE. "braced myself for the goodbye, 'cause that's all I've ever known / then you took me by surprise / you said, 'I'll never leave you alone...'"

The tears streaming down your face burns through the concrete below like acid.

"Y/N, wait𑁋"

"I told you that I-I can't do this right now."

The leaves crunching at your feet echo in your ears as you walk away from Joshua, each step feeling heavier than the last. It's around two in the morning or something, and you can't remember the last time you felt this lost and broken ever since your parents' separation. It's like the ground beneath you has crumbled away, leaving you suspended in midair, grasping for something𑁋just anything𑁋to hold onto.

You've been here before, standing at the edge of this cliff of vulnerability. It's easier to leave before you get left, easier to build walls than to let someone in only to watch them walk away.

But you've come to understand that Joshua isn't one to give up easily. He catches up to you quickly, his hand gently grasping your arm to stop you in your tracks. You try to shrug him off, but his grip only tightens slightly as he turns you around to face him.

"Talk to me," he pleads insistently, and the subtle tremble to his voice has your chest clenching. "If you're just going to keep pushing me away, then𑁋"

"Then leave." The words leave you before you can stop them, fueled by the ache in your chest and the fear in your heart. "You don't have to stay with me when all I-I do is push you away. Don't you think you deserve someone better?"

Joshua's grip on your arm loosens at your words, but it doesn't fall. His eyes scan over your tear-stained face, the quiver to your lips, and all of it has you bracing yourself for the inevitable, final blow𑁋for him to turn and walk away like so many others before him.

But instead, he just steps closer to you.

"This isn't about me staying because I have to, Y/N," he explains. "It's about me wanting to stay because I love you. I knew what I was getting into the second I realised I was falling for you. So no, I'm not going to leave you. And I'll never leave you alone because I know you're worth fighting for."

Your breath catches in your throat, his words piercing through you like a bullet straight through the heart. Even Joshua appears out of breath himself, as if he's poured his own heart out to you in those few simple sentences. The silence stretches between the two of you.

With a quiet sigh and a faint smile, he lets the tension simmer down by trailing his eyes over you.

"When I look at you, I think... I think I fall in love with you all over again like the first time I saw you," Joshua admits shyly, followed by a sheepish chuckle to himself. "It's cheesy, I know. But I can't help it. It's hard not to look at you."

You feel the heat crawling up your face as you blink away your tears clumsily, peering up at him inquisitively. "Really?"

This just draws another laugh from him. Joshua steps closer to you, trailing a hand to cup your face and the other to slide to your back to shorten the gap between the two of you even more. He places a soft kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment before he pulls back slightly to meet your gaze.

"Really," he confirms, voice gentle yet firm. "I meant every word I said, darling."

This brings a genuine smile to your face as if it was the first one that night. You instinctively lean more into Joshua's touch, letting your eyes close for a moment to the simple feeling of him holding you.

"I'm sorry," You mumble, voice barely above a whisper. "for pushing you away like that. It's just... I'm scared."

Joshua takes one of your hands into his own to bring up to his lips, pressing a reassuring kiss to your knuckles.

"It's okay," he assures you. "We can be scared together."

FOUR. "do you believe it? / we're gonna make it now / and i can see it / i can see it now."

A pair of arms snake around your waist from behind, the relaxing melody of a piano floating through the air of the kitchen. You take in a deep breath, leaning back into Joshua's embrace as he rests his chin on your shoulder.

"Smells amazing, honey," Joshua murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your temple.

You smile contentedly, feeling the peace of the moment wash over the two of you. The enticing smells of the pasta you were cooking waft around the kitchen, mingling with the scent of fresh herbs, garlic, and Joshua's presence right behind you.

"It should be ready soon," You say, clutching the wooden spoon in your hands to give the sauce a final stir.

Joshua's eyes arms tighten around you, pulling you even closer as he sways gently to the music. You hear the sounds of his hums hit your ears as you turn to the heat off to the stove. And as you attempt to pull away from him to grab for some plates, Joshua's grip on your waist hardly budges.

You groan exaggeratedly. "Shua, I need to𑁋"

"Marry me."

You freeze immediately, and you swear time halted right at that moment. Turning around in his hold, you're met with the sight of Joshua's eyes on you. You try to pinpoint any doubt in them, any sign that this is some sort of joke, but his gaze remains unwavering, dark eyes serious yet painted with a shine of hope that tugs right at the strings of your heart and the walls of your hesitation.

There's always that fear gnawing at in the back of your mind. But beneath it all, a warmth spreads through your chest, a certainty that feels as natural as breathing.

And perhaps, you see nothing but forever in him.

You can see it in the way his eyes soften, in the way his hand trembles anxiously against your waist, in the way his lips part ever so slightly as he waits for your response. You can see it all in him. You've made it.

You kiss him just seconds later. It's a question your heart has already answered long before the words left Joshua's lips. You lean more into his touch, feeling your heart overflow past the brink of joy, and the feelings all melt together into the singular realisation that he's the best thing that's ever been yours.

When the two of you finally break away, a single word escapes your lips, "Yes."

another note: sorry this ending was slightly rushed T-T

taglist (open) ʚɞ @enhazen @haowrld @icyminghao @slytherinshua @jeonride @lockburn-castle @vrnism @weird-bookworm @mhlsymlysn @ryuwonieebae @yeonjuns-redhair @wonwooz1 @woohaeyo @mark-geolli @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @aaniag @wootify @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @phenomenalgirl9 @roziesmei @mirxzii @bookyeom @parkjennykim @melodicrabbit @bewoyewo @honglynights @bananabubble @treehouse-mouse @tanya596carat @starshuas @totomoshi

#literally brought tears to my eyes #*sobbing in a corner wishing to find someone like Joshua*#simply beautiful #best read of the day

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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Missing someone is indeed cool, no one can convince me otherwise! Ofcourse I'm weak for cute and needy Vernon (⁠｡⁠・⁠/⁠/⁠ε⁠/⁠/⁠・⁠｡⁠)

☆ vernon x gn!reader — fluff, no warnings

☆ in which you come home to a slightly touch-starved vernon

he’s gonna do it. he can’t hold it in anymore. the thing he promised himself he’d never do because, well… it’s kinda lame. he’s going to grab his phone, unlock it, click on your name and type the dreaded words: “i miss you, when are you coming home?”. he thinks about adding an emoji to make it less desperate, but why would he? he is desperate.

maybe it’s just the exhaustion from his hectic schedule speaking, but tonight he kind of feels an overwhelming urge to hold you. or even worse, to be held by you.

he’s just about to type the final question mark when the familiar sound of your key turning in the lock makes him delete the entire message. saved by the bell. he’s quick to jump on his feet to come and greet you at the door, cheeks plumped with happiness.

“i missed you”, he tells you as you kick off your shoes. it doesn’t feel as weird when he says it out loud.

“aw, i missed you too!”, you answer in a bubbly tone, leaving a kiss on his cheek, “i’m gonna hop in the shower, i won’t be long! pick a movie!”

“wait-”, he says, grabbing your arm before you can get too far to plant a tender kiss on your lips. “that’s more like it.”

and he’s left alone once again, but with the exciting promise that he’ll get about two hours of cuddles before you both go to bed. that is, if neither of you fall asleep during the movie, which is very unlikely.

after about fifteen minutes spent scrolling down your shared netflix watchlist, he finally settles for jurassic world - a rather safe choice - just as you emerge out of the bathroom, still rubbing drops of moisturizer on your forearms.

you slump next to him with a sigh. or rather, onto him.

“love the proximity”, he says, his voice a bit muffled.

you expect him to playfully push you to the side, or maybe try to crush you with his own weight as he’s already done before. but instead, you feel two arms snaking around your waist as he gently lays you down next to him, perfectly spooning you.

“when did you become so smooth?” you ask, eyeing him from a corner of your eyes.

he replies with an air of false modesty that makes you smile even wider. it’s not that it’s rare to come home to such a clingy version of him, but it’s unusual enough to be noticed.

without you even seeing it, he presses play on the remote, making the Universal Studios logo cast blue shadows on your faces.

“i missed you”, he tells you, shoving a pillow under your head to make it rest more comfortably on his arm.

“you told me that already”, you remark, amused, “must have missed me a lot, huh?”

he’s glad you’re facing the tv, that means you don’t have to see the guilty look on his face. but you don’t need to look at him to know that he has, indeed, missed you a lot.

the way his arms are pressing on your skin just a bit tighter than usual, the way his legs are tangled with yours under the blanket, the way he keeps on leaving quiet kisses on the back of your head.

“i missed you a lot too”, you add.

and as the words leave your mouth, you realize that the movie isn’t what your attention should be focused on tonight. so you turn around, ignoring the puzzled look on vernon’s face, and let your head find the most comfortable spot against his chest.

the sound of his heart beating a little faster under your ear lets you know it was a good decision.

holding you just as tight as you’re holding him, vernon has the funny feeling that this is exactly what his body had been craving all day. and so he starts to think that maybe it’s not lame to miss someone, maybe it’s really fucking cool.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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Me: Okay, Brain. Think about what happens next in this chapter.

Brain: *Skips three chapters ahead*

Me: No, no. This one, this chapter, the one we are writing right now.

Brain:.......*47 scenes forward*

Me: NO

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april2920 · 1 year ago

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seventeen when you call them by their name

instead of a pet name

a/n: i forgot how long writing 13 different scenarios takes T-T

seungcheol

after a long day of practice cheol entered your shared apartment late at night.

even though he was trying to be quiet you still heard the click of the front door and his fumbling around in the entryway. so you decided to get up and greet him.

“seungcheol?” you asked sleepily, rubbing your eyes as you walked out of your bedroom.

he was so taken aback by his name that he didn't even reply for a good 30 seconds.

“i'm sorry for being home late,” he frowned, “don't be mad.” he whined softly, thinking you were upset with him. why else would you use his full name?

you looked at him quizzically and slotted yourself in his arms, he seemed to relax significantly at your touch.

“i'm not mad, what makes you think that?” you questioned, looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“you called me seungcheol,” he pouted, “what happened to baby?” his pout intensified, his lip jutting out further.

you couldn’t help but chuckle at his antics, “i’m sorry, baby,” you teased, emphasizing the pet name, “i didn't know you liked it that much,” you cooed, putting your hands on his cheeks and smushing his face.

“don't tease me,” he grumbled, pretending to be upset, which just elicited another laugh from your end.

“fine, fine,” you said with your hands raised, mocking a surrender, “let's go to bed, baby, you've had a long day,” you suggested, pecking his lips and taking his hand to lead him to the bedroom.

jeonghan

you had been basking in jeonghan's company all day. it was a rare off-day for the idol and you spent every second possible with your boyfriend.

you were currently in one of your lulls of conversation, just sitting in comfortable silence on two different ends the couch while you both scrolled on your phones.

you saw a funny video while scrolling and knew your boyfriend would love it so you looked over at him and called his name.

“hey, jeonghan? look at this video,” you giggled, holding your phone screen in his direction.

but your boyfriend didn't pay you any mind. thinking he didn't hear you, you called for him a little louder.

“jeonghan? hello?” you scooted closer to him on the couch when you went unanswered again.

you poked his cheek and turned his head to make him look at you when he still didn’t answer.

“hello?” you questioned, noticing his nonchalant expression.

“oh? were you talking to me?”he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“yes? i said your name twice!” you whined, knowing he heard you but he was clearly ignoring you.

“no, you said ‘jeonghan,’” he said, making air quotes with his fingers, "and that's not my name," he pouted finally, showing a side of him that you didn't often see.

you realized what he was talking about and tried to hide a grin at his demeanor, “aww, i'm sorry, let me try again,” you cooed, going back to your previous side of the couch to reset.

“hannie... my angel, my sweetheart, my precious?” you tried, “come look at this video,” you laughed, his attention already on you as you listed your names for him.

“of course, my love,” he smiled, getting up from his spot and cuddling up to your side, “look at how easy that was,” he whispered, plucking your phone from your hands and watching the video that you had pulled up.

he pulled you into his arms and nuzzled his cheek against your head, scrolling and looking at more videos with you. “you're crazy,” you said with a laugh, pressing a kiss against his cheek, but you wouldn't want it any other way.

joshua

“joshua?” you called out from the kitchen while you were making dinner. he had been playing video games in the living room ever since his practice was over.

hearing his full name from you made his ears perk up and he quickly shut off his game, rushing to the kitchen.

“love?” he asked softly, putting his hand on your shoulder, already thinking he had upset you he didn't want to anger you further. “is everything okay?” he asked tentatively, testing the waters.

“huh? yeah, joshua, everything's fine can you just-”you said as you stirred the pot on the stove, not looking up at him while you were focused on perfecting the food.

but, when he heard his full name again and the classic 'everything's fine' line he quickly jumped to conclusions and deduced that everything was not fine.

he cut you off before you could finish talking and immediately went into apologizing.

“i’m sorry, love, i don't know what i did to make you upset but i'll fix it, okay?” he said with a weary smile, still with his hand on your shoulder, “was i on the game for too long? did you want me to help you cook? was i too loud?” he rambled, facepalming as he thought he had messed something up and made you mad.

as he rambled you slowly started to look over at him, his words confusing you to no end.

“why would i be upset?” you asked, looking at him as if he was crazy, which he was.

“what?” he questioned back, “you called me joshua and you haven't looked at me and you said everything was ‘fine’, that's like textbook upset partner.” he said, as if it was totally obvious.

you blinked at him a few times before you burst out laughing, “god, babe, you're hilarious!” you exclaimed, slapping his shoulder as you laughed. now it was joshua's turn to be confused since he was positive that you were upset.

“you’re not upset?” he questioned, you shook your head as your answer while you were still doubled over laughing, “why did you call me over then?” he asked.

you pointed to the glass jar on the counter next to you after you had composed yourself, “i was going to ask you to open that jar, dummy,” you teased.

joshua blew out a breath and quickly opened the jar with ease, “that's... it?” he questioned.

“yeah, that's it, you can go play your game some more,” you smiled, pressing a kiss against his cheek.

“but you called me joshua...” he grumbled, you never called him joshua!

“which is your name, if i’m not mistaken,” you pointed out, pinching his cheek. he swatted at your hand and groaned.

he opened his mouth to start complaining more before you quickly stopped him. “okay, okay, i’m sorry babe, you can go play your game again.”

joshua gave you a firm nod, as if he was finally satisfied with your name for him. “okay. let me know if you need anything.” he grinned, kissing your head and then strolling back to the living room.

“you’re a child,” you whispered to yourself, continuing dinner with a smile on your face.

“but you love me!” he called back, somehow hearing you. well, he’s not wrong.

jun

‘thanks, junhui!’

that was the text that you had sent your boyfriend after he told you he bought you a book from the town he was currently in on tour.

he loved gift giving and he knew you loved books so he scoured every bookshop in the town to find the perfect book for you. he excitedly sent you a picture of the book he bought and that was your reply to it.

it made his head spin with reasons of why you could be mad at him.

calling him ‘jun’ was already a rarity in your relationship, but ‘junhui’? he wasn’t sure you’d ever called him that.

‘are you mad at me?’ he texted back, getting straight to the point.

you took nearly 10 minutes to reply, 10 agonizing minutes for jun.

‘not at all, i’ll see you when you get home’ was your response.

now this reply made him absolutely spiral, good thing he was returning home today. but because of your replies to him he made a few extra stops before hopping on the plane.

when you finally arrived back home from work you opened the door and was met with your sheepish looking boyfriend and what looked like a mountain of books behind him.

“babe! what are you doing here? and what is with all the books?” you exclaimed, jumping into his arms and hugging him tight.

jun was taken aback by your reaction, his mind stuck on the thought that you were mad at him. “i thought you were upset with the book i got you… so i kind of bought as many as i could fit in my luggage to make up for it,” he said, his cheeks slowly turning red when he realized you really weren’t mad at him.

you pulled your head back and gave him a look, “what made you think i was mad?” you asked, pulling away and starting to pick up the different books that were piling up on your coffee table.

“you called me junhui…” he whispered, saying it out loud made him feel stupid, it was just a name, his name in fact.

“are you saying that you bought me a hundred books because i called you by your first name?” you questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

he nodded his head sheepishly.

“you are too cute!” you exclaimed, giving him another tight hug, “for the record, i’d tell you if i was mad at you,” you made sure to clarify.

“okay…” he said softly, looking at the absurd amount of books, “should i return all of these now, or-” he began to speak before you cut him off.

“absolutely not,” you said quickly, snatching a book and sitting on the couch beginning to read.

jun slowly made his way next to you and laid his head in your lap, getting comfy while you read aloud to him.

hoshi

“honey?” you called out in your apartment, waiting for hoshi to reply to you. you needed help folding the laundry and hoshi was always eager to help you do whatever you needed.

you heard a distant, “give me a minute!” come from your shared bedroom where your boyfriend was no doubt playing video games again.

you rolled your eyes at his response and started folding the laundry on your own, giving him a few minutes before calling for him again. “honey? i need your help out here,” you called again, waiting to hear his footsteps.

but instead you got another, “just a sec!” which made you pull out the big guns. hoshi hated you calling him by his name, he said he sounded like you were scolding him. but desperate times call for desperate measures.

“kwon soonyoung! i said i need your help!” you called out even louder than before, knowing that would get him.

once his name left your mouth you heard fumbling coming from the room and the door opening quickly, his feet slapped against the floor as he ran over to you.

he already had the expression of a kicked puppy, “i told you not to call me that!” he pouted, standing in front of you.

you gave him a look and pointed at the spot on the couch next to you, “sit,” you said simply. of course, he followed with no question.

“‘m sorry!” he whined when you wouldn’t talk to him, “i was doing really well! you know how hard that game is, and we were winning!” he tried to explain, sloppily folding clothes next to you as he rambled.

“soonyoung?” you said, cutting him off with his name again.

“what,” he said with a frown.

“just fold the damn laundry,” you said with a sigh, grabbing the clothes that he had folded and redoing it properly.

“you’re scary when you’re mad…” he whispered, starting to fold every item of clothing meticulously so you didn’t have anything to be upset with.

he spent the rest of the day giving you his undivided attention and trying to make up for making you upset.

when you finally called him ‘honey’ at the end of the night his face lit up and you forgot why you were even mad with him in the first place.

wonwoo

you were out shopping with wonwoo when something caught your eye from the window of a store. you tugged on your boyfriends coat sleeve.

“wonwoo-” you started, but you were quickly cut off.

“try again.” he said simply, making you furrow your eyebrows.

“wonwoo?” you questioned, tugging his arm again and making him stop walking.

“try again.” he repeated, pulling his phone out of his pocket and pretending to scroll on it.

“wonwoo, what are you-” he cut you off once again with a look.

“one more time, sweetheart,” he said, pointing you in the right direction. this made it click in your head and you just scoffed.

“babe?” you tried, finally his attention turned towards you and he showed off his award winning smile.

“yes, sweetheart? what do you need?” he asked, his voice sweet as honey.

“you're impossible,” you laughed, “i want to go into that store,” you pointed at the clothing store next to where you were stopped.

“then let's go,” he grinned, pulling your hand and leading you into the store, “you know if you call me by my name people might not think we're together,” he said as if it was an obvious fact.

“we're literally holding hands and wearing matching outfits,” you pointed out, which just earned a shrug from your boyfriend as he started grabbing different pieces of clothing that he thought would look good on you.

sure, he was a subtle guy, but he wanted everyone to know that you were his.

woozi

“jihoon, i'm home,” you called out into the apartment. you had a meeting that lasted much longer than usual and it was already dark out when you returned.

your boyfriend had been home all day and by the smell of fresh food you could tell that he had been cooking.

you slipped off your shoes in the entry way and tossed your bag on the couch before slipping into the kitchen and coming up behind your boyfriend. you wrapped your arms around his waist and rested your chin on his shoulder while he stirred the pot in front of him.

“jihoon?” he questioned, scrunching up his face at the mention of his full name. he didn't hate when you said his name, you just never did. “what're you calling me that for?” he asked directly, not assuming anything.

“i realized i don't call you by name, do you not like it?”you asked, lifting your head up and looking over at him, your arms still around him.

“i don't mind, i'm just used to baby,” he said, pressing a kiss to your cheek, “or babe,” another kiss, “love, sweetheart, honey, my one and only,” he listed, pressing a kiss to your face in between each pet name.

you couldn't help but smile at the affection you were receiving from your boyfriend, you pressed a few kisses to his cheek in return and let him resume his cooking while you watched from a seat at the island.

“but you're okay with jihoon?” you asked, wanting to make sure.

“i’m okay with you calling me jihoon,” he said, turning over his shoulder to look at you, “but don't use it too much.” he said, giving you a pointed look.

he wouldn't say it out loud but he loved the sweet pet names you gave him, even the ridiculous ones.

minghao

“what did i do?” was the first words your boyfriend uttered when he walked into your shared home.

you looked up from your spot on the couch and tilted your head at him. “what do you mean?” you questioned, not understanding him.

“i mean, i can tell you're mad so i give you permission to yell at me, just tell me what i did first.” minghao said, bracing himself for whatever you would say to him. by no means did you fight often but whenever you got angry at him he would take it.

“i’m not mad at you,” you said, opening your arms, waiting for your boyfriend to join you on the couch. when he didn't come over you deadpanned, “well now i'm mad that you're not cuddling me.” you joked, waiting for him to come over.

he slowly walked over to you and pulled you against his chest, giving you a cautious look.

“then what was up with that text?” he questioned, pulling out his phone, “you said, and i quote, just wait until you get home, minghao,” he recited, “when have you ever called me by my first name?” he said like it was obvious.

“oh! i made your favorite dessert!” you said with a happy smile, pointing to the kitchen where his treat was freshly made and waiting on the counter.

his face went soft at your happy mood and he gave you a short kiss, “thanks, love,“ he said softly, “but your text did not make it sound like that.” he chuckled.

“oh right, i didn't want to give anything away so i called you minghao, was that too mean?” you asked, hoping you didn't make him worry.

he sighed with a smile and shook his head, “just a bit,” he said honestly, “you never call me minghao,” he pouted, half jokingly but also half seriously.

“i’m sorry, love,” you said, kissing his cheek, “i won't scare you like that again,” you teased, jumping up from the couch and pulling him up with you.

“come eat! i made it all for you,” you said with a smile, leading him to the kitchen and plating his dessert with a smile.

mingyu

mingyu had a cold. and when mingyu got sick he got dramatic. he was currently cuddled up in bed while you took care of him.

you would take his temperature, give him medicine, cook him some soup, and keep him as comfortable as possible while you worked from home.

“mingyu, do you want some soup?” you asked softly, pushing his hair off of his forehead and feeling for a temperature.

his eyes shot open and his lip jutted out. “mingyu?” he questioned softly, “why are you calling me mingyu?” his voice wobbled a bit. but can you blame him? he’s a sensitive man.

“because that’s your name, baby, you don’t like it?” you asked, holding his hand, your voice softened at your boyfriend.

he shook his head at your question, he was always ‘baby’ or ‘sweetheart’ or ‘gyu’.

“sorry, baby,” you cooed, “but do you want any soup?” you asked again, hoping it would fix his mood.

“don’t want soup, i want a kiss,” he said with a little mischievous smile, then puckering his lips.

you rolled your eyes, he knew you couldn’t say no to him, especially since he was sick and was on the verge of tears after you called him his first name. “you’re such a baby,” you groaned, “if i get sick it’s your fault,” you reminded him.

“then it’ll be my turn to take care of you,” he said as if it was obvious, leaning up a bit and catching your lips with his.

sure, mingyu was a big baby. but he was your big baby.

dk had been stuck in practice all day while you had a free day. so, being the loving and doting partner that you were you decided to make your boyfriend some dinner. which also included making dinner for his 12 bandmates, but you didn’t mind. you were like a big family.

you were let into the building and made your way to their practice room, hands full of bags carrying multiple different containers full of food.

the boys were all sitting around the room during a break and you popped your head inside, leaving the bags in the hallway.

a few people looked over at you when you opened the door, but every head snapped your way when you opened your mouth.

“seokmin?” you asked, which caused some murmurs among the group.

dk couldn’t remember the last time he was called that name.

‘you better fix whatever you did wrong’ ‘why is she mad at you?’ ‘what did you do?’ different members began to ask all at once to your boyfriend, sending him into even deeper of a panic.

he jumped to his feet and made his way over to you. you didn’t look mad at him, but now he was worried. he grabbed your hand and gently pulled you into the hallway and closed the door to the practice room behind you.

“is everything okay? did i leave something on at home? did i forget to take out the trash?” he asked seriously, thinking of what he could’ve possibly done to elicit you calling him his first name.

you gave him a look in response, furrowing your eyebrows at his rambling. “no… i made you guys food,” you explained, pointing to all the bags on the floor by the two of you, “was just asking you to help me bring it in.”

“huh?” your boyfriend questioned, looking at the bags and then back up to you. “why’d you call me seokmin, then? i haven’t heard that name in ages!” he whined, tugging at your hand.

“oh? i texted jeonghan and told him i was coming over, he told me to call you seokmin,” you laughed, not thinking that he was going to take it that much to heart.

dk sighed and grabbed the bags, pecking your cheek, “thank you for dinner,” he said softly, opening the door to go back into the practice room with you trailing behind him.

his members all looked over and started laughing, apparently they were in on it too.

“you guys suck!” he groaned, “i’m keeping all this food to myself now,” he said childishly, hoarding all the bags by the two of you and trying to keep everyone else away.

eventually he caved and you all ate together, everyone thanking you and still poking fun at your boyfriend.

seungkwan

“seungkwan,” you tried to get your boyfriends attention, standing across the kitchen island from him.

his eyes left his phone and found yours, narrowing in the process. he didn’t say anything so you frowned.

“seungkwan?” he continued to stare at you and you grew slightly agitated since he was seemingly ignoring you.

“can you reply?” you asked with an attitude, crossing your arms.

“i’m just waiting for you to get it right,” he said, mirroring your body language and the amount of sass.

his words only confused you more. “get what right? you’re crazy,” you mumbled, basically having a staring contest with him.

seungkwan just scoffed and rolled his eyes, “my name! i’m waiting for you to get my name right,” he said as if it was obvious. “i am not ‘seungkwan’ to you.” he explained, putting his name in quotations with his fingers.

“are you waiting for me to call you sweetie?” you asked finally, a smile slowly starting to spread on your face. your boyfriend may be a little sassy but he was truly a sweetheart.

“maybe,” he replied simply, his arms still crossed as he waited.

you hummed at his response and then made your way around the island to hug him. “alright, sweetie, i was just going to ask where you wanted to eat tonight,” you grinned, pressing a few sweet kisses on his cheek.

his attitude instantly melted away at the pet name and he pulled you closer to him, “wherever you want, angel,” he replied simply.

it was that easy.

vernon

vernon isn't phased by much. but he does get a little salty when you use his first name on him. he says it sounds too much like a mother scolding him. so, of course, you tease him with it sometimes.

“hansol! can you come to the living room?” you called out in your home, not sure which room he was in.

soon you heard his footsteps and he walked into the room with a scrunched up face.

“yes, darling?” he exaggerated his pet name for you, hoping you'd get the hint.

you spun around in a circle and posed, showing off your new outfit to your boyfriend.

“what do you think? you like my new outfit?” you asked with a blinding smile, posing in a few different ways as your boyfriend watched.

“i think it looks lovely, babe,” he exaggerated again.

“thank you, hansol,” you replied with a sweet smile.

“you look gorgeous, sweetheart,” he tried again.

“thank you, hansol,” you repeated, trying to keep your laugh at bay.

“positively perfect, my love.”

“i appreciate it, hansol.”

“absolutely stunning, angel.”

“you’re too kind, hansol.”

“that’s it, i’m ignoring you for the rest of the day.” he finally said after surveying you for a few minutes. he turned on his heel and walked back to your shared bedroom.

“no!” you called after him, “i’m just joking,” you said in between laughs as you walked fast behind him to catch up.

he shrugged his shoulders and sat back down at his desk, continuing his previous task before you had called him to the living room.

“don’t be sulky now, i was teasing,” you pouted, putting your hands on his shoulders and turning his chair to face you.

“it’s fine, y/n,” he said with a grin, now using your own name back as revenge.

“hey! you can’t call me that!” you whined in response.

“watch me.” he smirked, flicking your forehead gently.

oh how the tables have turned.

dino

this man rarely hears his name from anyone. it’s always ‘dino’ from his friends and ‘honey’ from you.

so when you started calling for ‘chan’ while you were asleep it made his heart break.

‘who is chan?’ he thought to himself, you couldn’t be cheating on him with another guy. right? you wouldn’t do that, he knows you.

but still, once the thought got placed into his head (by no one but himself) he couldn’t help but shake it.

the next morning he was nervous, he didn’t know how to confront you, or what he would do if his suspicions were correct. so while you were making breakfast for the two of you he mustered up the courage to go into the kitchen and talk to you.

“good morning, honey,” you said with a cheery smile, noticing him right away as he made his way next to you. you caught his lips with a quick peck but noticed that he seemed a little tense. “something wrong?” you asked, concern lacing your voice.

dino just wrung his hands together and frowned. “do you have something to tell me?” he asked softly, already feeling on the verge of tears as he looked down at his feet, not making eye contact with you.

“no? what’s this about?” you asked, turning the heat down on the stove so you could give him more of your attention.

“i just,” he started, “well um…” he tried again, “i heard you talking in your sleep and you were calling out for some guy named ‘chan’ and i know wouldn’t cheat on me or anything but who is chan?” his words spilled out of him and he was talking a mile a minute while you looked at him, your eyes widening.

he was bracing himself for the answer to his question, ready for the worst.

“honey…” you said gently, taking both of his hands in yours and making him look at you, “you are chan.” you explained, trying to hide your smile since he was clearly so distraught.

“huh?” he asked, not understanding what you were getting at.

“honey, your name is lee chan,” you reminded him.

you could see the gears shifting in his head before his cheeks immediately heated up. he snatched his hands from yours and slapped his face. he was chan. and he couldn’t feel any stupider.

he was so used to being honey that he forgot his literal name.

“forget this happened…” he mumbled, walking away as you stifled your laughs.

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