aprilgloomaries - Tumblr blog

[aprilgloomaries]

Hi! So this week has been wild. I tested positive for covid after finally being able to get a pcr test on Christmas Day. My dad tested positive like on the 21st after spending about five days sick.. and after me forcing him to go get it. I kid you not.. i didn’t feel ANY symptoms until two hours AFTER I tested negative. Couldn’t think straight, dizzy, sore throat and nasty ass cough with a lovey headache. Now I didn’t think much of the dizziness bc duh, I’m like five weeks pregnant. I felt nasty and only ginger ale seemed to help. I spent the next four days drinking a ginger ale a day and in bed. I feel like that alone made me gain 20lbs. I was lucky enough to make an app for a PCR for Christmas Day. Whatever, we’ve never celebrated Christmas ON Christmas Day so not that big a deal bc it’s always been Christmas Eve and this year we were all sick as shit. So I go get told rapid is negative, dope. Go to work the next day & GO TO A FUCKING WORK CHRISTMAS DINNER. Get the text at 8am from the health department telling me I tested positive. I have to be at work at 9am… panic sets in I call my direct supervisor TWICE after five texts, who was at the fucking dinner- text everyone I was around to get tested. My coworker tests positive… no way she caught it from me last night. But it’s just wild bc her only symptom is RUNNY NOSE. Well now I’m on day 7 going into 8th of when I first showed symptoms and I still have that disgusting sore throat and cough and also still pregnant. lmao that was a joke I plan on keeping the baby bc I’ve always wanted to be a mommy. BUT GREAT TIMING RIGHT???!? I still haven’t told the father.. shit. That’s a different kind of story tbh. I think I’m six weeks now if my math is correct. I feel bloated af, gassy af and sometimes when I try to burp, I can’t and I gag and I FOOKING HATE IT. I’ve been going through baby name ideas for both girl and boy. I seem to love girl A names but then I thought about it.. if my baby takes father’s last name and mine with an A name.. their initials are legit ASS. I couldn’t do that to my kid so I either have to give my kid another name so they have a middle name or NO A NAMES. Leaning more towards another name bc why tf not? This way everyone knows my child is Hispanic af. Thinking of starting a registry also… is it too soon? Legit only my mom knows I’m with child. My child is the size of a frijole rn lol. My current living condition is definitely going to have to change.. I def have to downsize to make room for baby stuff.. damn. Life is about to get weird. Ngl, the one good thing about this past week is I’ve found comfort in rewatching Anne with an E. Anne isn’t a name on my list. BUT Uuuugggh what a cute show. I didn’t know it was a remake at first but I’m so in love with it. So cute, so sad, so heartwarming, so heartbreaking, so wonderful. This is my fourth time rewatching it. It really did deserve a damn fourth season. BUENO PUES- this is good night. I’m gonna go take some melatonin bc I have to open my laptop at 9am for work. Buenas noches! 🌙

[aprilgloomaries]

I’ve had a crazy last few days- so first thing I saw Spider-Man on Thursday and OH MY GOODNESSSS!!!!!!!!! No spoilers obviously because I’m not a dick- a whole like 10 days still have to go by for the two week time frame to past. But it was so freaking dope. So AMAZING, so action filled. I cried at like everything. I screamed at like everything. So freaking great. Friday was pretty dull with work. Saturday I went on a date! First date I’ve been in in years! Like 4 years I think…. Whatever. But met the dude on bumble- I got a little dressed, work some cute black sheer tights, black dress, black ankle wedge booties and a green sweater. So I get there and he stands up and I tower over him.. lol. I then remembered that he actually didn’t have his height listen on bumble.. oi. Date goes on we order, he starts talking. I was a bit nervous at first bc I couldn’t find parking and then I did find parking and it was hell bc Huntington just doesn’t have the best parking. Whatever so I park i make my way in, he stands up and hugs me. I can tell he’s super nervous too. He was a bit shaky the whole time but understandable. He’s a super sweet guy, friendly, so smart and he was respectful as well. We were there for like 2hrs actually. We spoke about astronomy, we have a lot of similar views in life. It was nice to speak to someone & legit have smart conversations with them. He has nice lips. He insisted on paying & I said I would at least get the tip & he didn’t let me in the end. He can’t drive bc of his health issues so he did have his parents pick him up but before he was picked up, he walked me to my car & asked for a second date. He did say a few cringy little awkward things but he’s a cutie. I said yes to a second date & we both agreed it would be best to wait until after the holidays. I get home, I unwind a bit watching dynasty and drinking some tea. It’s SUNDAY- today(technically it’s Monday bc it’s 12:30am rn but whatever)- so I go to work whatever, day goes by. There’s somthing thats been weighing on my mind since thanksgiving weekend…. I’m late. Five days to be exact. I’ve been watching dynasty drinking water and I feel like my bladder is going to explode. I remember from like 2019, I have a clear blue stick in a basket where I keep pads. Ironic isn’t it. I grab it, record myself a little bc im not gonna lie- there was a chance and there also was not a chance. I pee on the stick, along with in my hand too, super fun. I set a timer and scroll through tiktok. Timer on my watch goes off, I get off toilet, wash my hands & see one line. I look closer & it’s a plus sign. I’m pregnant. I’m fucking pregnant. My hands went numb & the pee sticks starts shaking in my hand.. my initial thought? I ran to my mom who I had a whole convo with about two days ago about shit going on in my life. My mind starts racing. I’m single, in debt, live with my parents, don’t have my life together and I’m pregnant. My mom is excited bc dUH, 1st grandbaby. Don’t get me wrong, being a mom has been a dream to me & I always told myself that I don’t care if I have a man in my life or if I’m alone- I will be a mommy & that shit still stands. Part of me is freaking out bc how tf do you even tell ppl that you’re pregnant?? How tf do pol do it? I just now got comfortable dating & of course I’m pregnant by a guy have had on & off shit with for the past threeish years???!!? Now if you ask me, do I see myself dating the guy? Nope. We share to completely different views in life, in EVERYTHING. He’s a fun time in bed for sure but I don’t see anything going past it. Idk how long until I will start telling people. My mom says I have to wait it out for at least another 2 months. I’m already feeling big af & tired af… like crazy enough once December hit, I started getting uncomfy in my body so I started going to the gym. Started eating the needed stuff that fitness pal app told me I needed to eat to lose 30lbs & then BOOM- my nipples & ovaries hurt & I’m pregnant. Good thing I asked for half a day at work tomorrow. And that’s what you missed on glee. Good night.💜

[aprilgloomaries]

I went to the gym today! Super proud of myself ngl. I was off today and woke up a little late and kept pushing off going to the gym the entire day today. I crocheted a bit and watched Dynasty throughout the day and the later it got the more I kept putting off going. But I really wanted ice cream… this might seem silly but having a whole pint of ice cream makes me feel super disappointed in myself after I’ve been eating healthy for the past three weeks. I decided that I can only have HALF of the pint if I go to the gym and hit the treadmill for at least a good 30 mins. I’m still going slow at the gym, slowly getting comfortable with the treadmill. So I hit the incline for 30 mins and it eventually turned into an hour on it while watching an episode of Dynasty! I was fighting for my life the last 10 minutes but I hit it. My feet are FOOKING killing me but still.. I put it off the entire day and I managed to get my workout clothes on and go. Fingers crossed I can do it again tomorrow after work. I hope to continue in the treadmill for the next month on incline and then hit other equipment to tone some of my insecure body parts. Part of me wishes I knew how to ride a damn bike so I can just ride it everywhere and stay fit that way but well… that’s a different fear for another day. Today was a good day.

[aprilgloomaries]

Whoa- I haven’t been on this website since I was in high school! Welp, I’m 26 now and I’m feeling a lot of feelings that I figured I would just write/blog about because why the fck not. Maybe I’ll include stuff I feel/deal with daily or maybe weekly to kind of just take the weight of everything off my shoulders. I’m feeling very lonely and alone and both aren’t quite kind emotions. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends but we all lead very busy adult lives far from each other and I’m getting kind of sick of trying to make time to hang out with people and being met less than half way.

I have two closest friends- I have one that after asking him to hang out so many times and him telling me he’s busy or “maybe next time” or rescheduling on me once or twice, kind of made me catch the hint. I’ll never forget that we once went to an event I was really excited to go to and I thought he was too because we both seemed to be having fun, as we were leaving I asked him if we could take a picture and he said he wasn’t feeling it and didn’t want to. Listen, I get it. I have moments I don’t want pics at all so I let it go. I asked if he had fun and he said “not really.” I felt sad because I legit thought we had fun spending time together.. but then he said “he didn’t want to even come” and that lowkey shattered me and I had to hold back tears. I never actually admitted this now that I think about it… I felt like I had FORCED someone to spend time with me and idk it just made me sad. But I love him dearly, and sometimes I just wish we had all the time in the world to spend time together. I’m lucky if I see him once a month, but we both work a lot so that’s understandable. When we get together it’s like nothing changes. We’ve been friends since like our sophomore year in high school lol.

My other very close and dearest friend. Man we’re legit the same person, at times it gets scary how alike we are. But just how alike we are, we are so very different. I feel like with her I always come in last as a friend. I’ve realized that unless I make a step to move forward and want to hang out, I get ignored. She really made me feel like complete trash planning a party recently. I know I get very anxiously annoying when I party plan but she was legit ignoring me for two whole weeks and gave me the cold shoulder on the two occasions we got together to plan things last minute. I’m legit crying typing it because I felt so bad.. I feel like a weenie and you might think that too but these are my fragile ass emotions so stfu and don’t judge me. The party was fun of course but that moment still lingers in my mind. We have gotten really close over the last few years but I’ve noticed that when one guy who is complete trash, makes his way into her life again, I get completely tossed to the side.. I’ve noticed this on about five occasions. Mind you this is a man that has legit destroyed her life in so many ways and her confidence. Even damn near lost a different friend over this guy.. but that’s not my story to tell. I love her dearly but I really wish she would mature more and prepare herself for real world adult shit. My love for her has legit had me leave work early to rescue her from situations, drive 2+ hours to make sure she’s okay, open my house up to her etc.. I think in a way, I need to grow up more too and not let my emotions get in the way of so many things. I think that’s why at times I distance myself from everything and everyone and just stick to a routine because I want to stay busy. I know that if my mind isn’t busy, it starts to wonder off and then I get sad and start thinking unhealthy thoughts.

I’m working on it though.. slowly but still working on it. My love languages, quality time and physical touch are just suffering a lot right now. I’m off from work tomorrow so I’m just going to implicate some little self care moments into my day. Starting with, the GYM! I started going to the gym like two weeks ago. Nothing too crazy just legit an hour of cardio. Starting with some treadmill time on incline. I wanna build my stamina up a bit and then work towards getting fit and healthy. I’m also going to do some laundry because my room isn’t the tidiest right now and although I have no MF funds to fix/put my clothes away- ima try to make it work somehow lol

BUENO PUES- that’s all I have for now. That’s legit what’s on my mind right now. Ima finish my green tea listen to bad bunny for the next hour and then fall asleep to some billie eilish. Buenas noches.🌙