arbihtrary

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anyway I wanna kiss I wanna make out I want to feel hands all over me for hours

[arbihtrary]

There’s power in telling yourself ”no we don’t do that anymore” in response to self destructive urges.

[arbihtrary]

it’s been a while. it does feel nice to revisit something that was a huge part of me before (:

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im so sick and tired of my own thoughts

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atrociouswarrior?

hello, yes it’s meee!!

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What do you do for a living

i try my best

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next years mood is love, same as always

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happy birthday. it’s been so long, julia.

Thank you for giving me the honor of being your friend. I’m still shaking. I cant bring myself to believe the news. You are loved and I feel very fortunate to have a friend like you. You are the bubbliest person i know; the brightest ray of sunshine I’ve met. You appeared in my dream last night, it wasn’t really a dream, it was a flashback; it was the time you celebrated your birthday and we were talking. I miss that. I was about to message you the last time I went online just to ask if we can have a date soon just because I miss you that much and I can’t believe it won’t happen anymore. I miss you already. Stay safe. Rest In Peace you beautiful soul.

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i always be so hard on myself for no reason like chill tf out bitch we on the same damn team

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a lot of shit just not worth my time no more

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Beautiful things are coming. I trust that

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hello, 2020. this is the 15-year-old me writing.

i have no slightest idea what i’m doing right now, but i may be dead or just maybe trying to force myself read a new book while in bed.

it’s 8 pm and i’m sad. and i’m writing this because i want to know if i found peace by then. that’d be cool, for sure. but now, i’m just self-loathing again, lol. i hope that the future me has found peace and happiness. i really hope that i’m doing something that i really love. i’m probably in college now trying to get that MD. i hope so. i hope i’m still trying.

but if not, then that’s okay too! that means that i’ve been successful with what i’ve been trying to do for a while now. and that’s okay. if i’m not here anymore, i just want to let y’all know that it’s no one’s fault, that this is what i wanted in the first place. i am okay now. and i’ve probably found peace and happiness wherever i am. no more pain. no more self-loathing. no more cold sharp objects drawing red lines all over my body. i’m happy now. i’ve found peace. the universe finally allowed me to rest.

dead or alive, i just really hope i’ve found peace. that’s what i want. i hope i am happy now.

to my future self, if you’re reading this right now, i just want to let you know that i am proud of you for still trying and hoping that everyday will get a little bit better for you. i’m proud that you’ve reached this far. i am proud that you’re still breathing. but i hope you’re breathing for yourself; because you want to and not because of the guilt you feel about the people around you. i hope you’re doing this for you.

it’s been rough the past few years and i hope that it wouldn’t be the same 5 years from now. just please, please give me peace.

[arbihtrary]