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the whole "lipstick on a pig" thing makes no sense because the second we gave a pig access to makeup she became god's cuntiest soldier

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"wealth" means different things to different people. for me it means being able to live quietly and comfortably, adopt a pet, donate to charities I care about, be able to take care of myself in my old age, and eventually leave an inheritance to my loved ones, who will then be forced by the stipulations of my will to be locked at midnight in a Mystery Mansion and solve an elaborate series of puzzles while being mysteriously killed off one by one. and i don't think that's so much to ask

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Trans people don’t typically scream at people over being misgendered, so whenever a transphobe acts like trans people do that I just think “this is made up” or “what did you really do to get them to that point”

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Tasteful bulge? Yeah I would like a taste f- [I am interrupted by the sound of a dry twig snapping. This is impossible, as I am in the infinite linoleum bathroom dimension for this joke.]

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yeah im a real fuckin pervert,,,, i like being,, c,, ccuddlled,,,, and,,,, kiisseddd >////////<

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I wish the autistic gender abolitionist cyber-illuminati were real.

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Imagine being a patient of Hannibal’s but you just received actual therapy and then took his advice and you’re thriving, but then it comes out that almost all his patients killed at least one person I’d start wondering what was so wrong with me that he didn’t try to harness the dark urges within me, why wasn’t I worth shaping into a furry killer or some unsettling little freak with psychosexual tendencies? I’d need extensive therapy after.

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op is posting from tamriel. or perhaps the lands between

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how it feels to wash your hair and brush your teeth and have clean clothes on

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I’m gonna lose it I was just getting my blood drawn and the first vein she stuck wasn’t producing any blood so she took the needle out and it didn’t bleed at all and I said “woah….I don’t have any blood” and she very seriously said “I doubt that’s it. I’m having an issue finding a big enough vein.”

She really thought I really thought maybe I’m outta blood.

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honestly the discourse on this site is so bad that I have a new hot take: if you use tumblr at all fuck you

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fascinated by this screenshot where they took out the poster's username and replaced it with a very small picture of alex the lion

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Green eyes shouldn’t actually be considered an eye color. It’s just not common enough, it’s a VERY SMALL percentage of the population, 1-2%. Green eyes are also caused by an irregular mutation. Most people have blue or brown eyes, so those are the two eye colors.

All the “green eyes” positivity is actually a bad thing, by the way. Having green eyes is linked to higher rates of retinal melanoma. You’re celebrating something dangerous that can cause suffering.

And besides, most people with “green eyes” lean closer to blue or brown anyways. They should just make up their minds and be brown eyed or blue eyed. And if it’s too hard to tell, they should get corrective surgery (because green eyes are dangerous, and associated with more difficult medical care!) or at the least wear contacts so they don’t confuse people. But also they should be required to

I hate to sound like this, but green eyes are a far more recent development than blue eyes in the mutagenic history of humans. So humans weren’t created to have green eyes.

And hazel eyes? Those are just a variant of brown eyes—come on, they’re far closer to brown than green. They just have a couple greenish traits. And there’s no way there’s that many green eyed people, or a wide variety of eye colors… It’s just not natural.

I don’t have a problem with green eyed people, they didn’t ask to be born that way—but there’s just too few of them for it to be an actual eye color. We don’t need all this “green eye positivity” or putting green eyes in media. The internet is making people delude themselves into thinking it’s more common than it really is.

‼️ THIS POST IS ABOUT THE TREATMENT OF INTERSEX PEOPLE ‼️

✅ I HAVE GREEN EYES THIS IS SATIRE ✅

⚠️ PLEASE DON’T SEND ME ANY MORE THREATS OF VIOLENCE IN DEFENSE OF PEOPLE WITH GREEN EYES?? ⚠️

💧 THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT EYE COLOR?? IT’S ABOUT INTERSEXISM AND BIGOTRY 💧

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what I think will happen if I message my mutuals