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archangeldyke-all · 22 hours ago

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PART FOUR

summary: in which you and sevika are divorced. part one, two and three. part five will be published soon.

word count: 7517

content warning; angst, smut, yearning and fluff.

thanks for reading!

~~~

Felicity’s jaw drops when you tell her that you’ve made amends with Sevika.

The silence that drags through her office is palpable.

She waits, clearly gobsmacked, while you sit awkwardly across from her. Your hands fidget with the bracelet on your wrist that Ava’s given you.

Clearing your throat, you add, “We want to be friends.”

Her eyebrows shoot up, a cough leaving her seconds after. “A-Are you–”

“Obviously, not automatically. But we hope to get there,” You shift your weight. “Someday.”

She blinks. “Okay.” Her pen taps against her notepad. “Wow.”

“I just thought…” You shrug. “I’m tired of being stuck where I’m at. And what I have been doing isn’t working. It’s shocking, I know…But you were right.”

Felicity’s eyes sparkle with genuine merriment. “I’m proud of you.”

***

You heave a sigh, head falling back against the leather head-rest of your seat. A few beads of sweat trickle down your temples.

15 minutes.

That’s how long it’s been since you’ve arrived at Sevika’s house. You’re supposed to be picking up Ava and you’ve texted her 3 times since arrival. There still hasn’t been a reply.

Usually, Sevika is very punctual. It’s rare that she doesn’t drop off or pick up Ava on time. Wrinkling your nose, you take your keys out of the ignition and open your door. This is something that you usually try to avoid–getting too close to Sevika’s house. Sometimes you meet her on her porch but most days she walks Ava to your car. It’s an unspoken agreement. During the first few months of Ava’s visitation, Sevika would attempt to invite you inside her house; always for a drink of water or snack. But she soon realized that you’d never say yes and therefore stopped.

Your walk across her front yard isn’t a short one. Her house is located on the outskirts of town, surrounded by acres of land with lush green grass that she consistently cuts and tends to. The grass in question tickles your feet with every stride, thanks to your sandals, and it’s a feeling that you welcome; a feeling that you don’t experience deep in the city where your apartment is.

You hike your purse up on your shoulder, grateful that you’d been smart enough to check the weather forecast today. It's starting to reach the sweltering part of the summer, where you can only comfortably wear dresses without melting. Today, you’re sporting a yellow one.

When you reach the front door, you raise your hand to knock–but then you pause. Right fist hanging mid-air, your eyebrows furrow as you try to rationalize what you’re doing. Your gaze travels around your surroundings, surveilling the all-too-familiar furniture. Upon inspecting the white rocking chair, your muscles tense. It’s still bright in color, clearly cleaned on a regular basis.

That hadn’t been there before…

Forcing an exhale, you tear your eyes away, knocking three times. Your face winces with the amount of force you use and you rub your knuckles against your thigh.

A few seconds pass, murmuring occurring on the other side of the door before it swings open.

Mel stands before you.

She has a carrot hanging from her mouth, eyes surveilling you before widening. “Shit!” She exclaims, voice muffled from the food. “We lost track of time. Come in!”

Her hand reaches forward and grabs your right wrist before pulling you through the threshold. Your eyebrows raise and you chuckle in surprise. “Well hi.”

“...Sev told us you should be coming but we got so caught up…”

You’re smacked with the smell of fresh pine; the invigorating woody yet sweet smell that always wafts off of Sevika. Whenever you’re near her, it clings to the air in a subtle way. It’s been a long, long while since you’ve encountered what it’s like to be fully wrapped up in it though.

You swallow thickly, eyes blinking as they adjust to the room that you’re in. It’s the front sitting room, decorated with old paintings that you haven’t seen in years. The walls are painted a dark Mulberry Purple, two black loveseats facing each other with a gold coffee table in between. A stack of children’s books sit in one of the seats, most definitely Ava’s, with miscellaneous toys strewn around the room. Your eyes are looking everywhere, trying to take in what’s familiar and what’s different.

Before you can spiral, Mel is pulling you through the room. “Everyone’s in the back.”

You barely process what Mel says, “She painted the walls?”

A hesitation.

“Well,” Mel begins, voice soft. “It has been years, so…”

You’re walking down the hallway, passing the winding stairwell that leads to the second floor. More paintings litter the walls.

Then there’s the room with a single-panel glass door.

A sharp memory of Sevika installing that door, cigar hanging loosely from her lips, revisits you. Your gut tugs.

Mel leads you through the living room, which upon a quick glance, your shoulders relax. It hasn't changed. There’s the black 5-piece suede chaise with grey pillow accents, 75-inch flat screen TV hanging from the wall (bigger than you remember), more toys sprawled on the ground.

“Have you not been inside since…” Mel trails off. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice that she looks at you over her shoulder.

You grimace at the question, allowing her to pull you through the kitchen, then the dining room.

You don’t reply which is an answer within itself.

The back patio door that’s connected to the dining room is cracked open. You hear loads of giggling and hushed voices.

Mel opens the door fully, leading you to the backyard, which opens up to more grassland. There’s a small wooden playset consisting of swings, a tube slide and playhouse to your left. A blue kiddie pool is positioned to the right.

“Mommy!” The distant exclamation comes from Ava. She’s on a swing, gently gliding with the assistance of Sevika. Beside her, Lianna does the same with Grayson standing near.

The third person near them, who you barely notice until everyone looks in your direction, is Hazel. Dressed in another pair of her signature pilates-wear, she stands with her hands on her hips. Your eye twitches.

“We were playing spades, you know how Sev gets.” Mel explains, linking her arm with yours. The both of you walk down the porch steps in sync. “Anyways, three rematches later and here we are. Just know that she wasn’t intentionally ignoring you.”

Your brain travels to the previous decade that you’ve spent watching Sevika engage in rounds of Spades and Poker. The way her eyebrows always furrowed in concentration, gaze sharp, muscles taut. Her attitude would become the worse during those moments, completely foul and deadly. Anyone on the opposing end, which usually ended up being Grayson or Mel, would often lose.

And after a night of winning, when everyone would go home, she’d take you to bed and she’d have her way with you, which you always loved…

But now, she has Hazel.

Hazel, the perfect woman with insane abs and a lean physique.

Hazel, her girlfriend.

You don’t realize how hard you’re staring at Hazel until Mel clears her throat.

“Were you waiting long?” Grayson asks, pulling your attention. When you look at her, you notice the way her eyes are glistening. You already know what she’s thinking–and you’ll probably receive some smart-mouthed text from her later on. She never fails to tease you about your obvious dislike for Hazel.

“Probably,” Mel checks her watch. “Fuck! It’s almost 5.”

You’ve been waiting since 4:30.

“Christ,” Sevika curses. She has already pulled Ava out of the swingset, resting your daughter on her waist and walking towards you. “I’m sorry. I had no idea or else I would have bee-”

“Sev,” You hand shoots up. “It’s okay.”

She stops in front of you, searching your features with obvious worry.

Her hair has been pulled into a low bun, broad shoulders on display thanks to her black tank top. The shirt is thin and seemingly lightweight, due to her nipple piercings peaking through the material. It’s also tight, clinging to her ripped torso quite perfectly. You tear your eyes from her physique, hairs standing on your body from feeling…scandalized. The weight of everyone’s gaze feels heavy at that moment.

“How are you?” You find yourself asking; suddenly desperate to know.

“I’m well. And you?”

“I’m good.” Finding the pure brown orbs of your daughter, you reach forward and tickle her nose. She smiles. “Happy to see you, my little bug.”

Ava laughs. “I’m not a bug!”

“Really?” Your smile widens, humoring her. “Are you sure?”

“I’m a person,” She giggles. “A baby!”

“I don’t know,” Sevika mumbles, kissing Ava’s temple. “If Mommy says you’re a bug, then…you must be. Are those wings I see?”

You inch forward, slightly closing the distance between you and Sevika while you glance over Ava’s shoulder, feigning surprise.

“Those are wings,” You gasp. “And…Antennae!” Your hands find the crook of Ava’s neck, tickling her.

She squeals in delight. “No! I’m-I’m,” Another fit of giggles. “Human!”

“My little human-bug,” You correct, hands dropping as you kiss her cheek.

“Sorry again about losing track of time,” A voice interjects. Hazel’s. “But I’m happy to see you. I feel like it’s been forever.”

You stiffen, leaning back and straightening your posture. Peering to your left, you observe the way Hazel takes place beside Sevika. It almost feels as if she’s…intruding.

“I was beginning to worry,” Hazel continues, a bright smile stretching across her face. Her voice is syrupy-sweet. “The last time I saw you…Oh wow. I think it’s been nearly a month, no?”

Your nose wrinkles. “Nearly.”

“...And you look bone-tired, dear. Practically depleted. How long were you waiting in your car?”

Your arms cross over your chest. “Long enou-”

“Hazel!” Mel chimes, voice uncharacteristically notches higher. “Don’t you want to help me start dinner?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Really?” There’s a hard edge to Mel’s voice. “I could have sworn that we talked earlier about–”

“I’m okay, Mel, deary. Thanks though.”

Silence.

Another gust of wind appears.

“Never a dull day…” You hear Grayson murmur, Lianna in her arms. “Hazel, if I were you, I would probably join Mel. She doesn’t like when someone,” Grayson coughs. “...Goes against their word.”

Hazel peers at Sevika, eyebrow quirking up challengingly. Almost as if she’s…waiting for something. But Sevika merely rolls her lips into her mouth, staring back at Hazel wordlessly.

After a few uncomfortable moments pass, Sevika says, “Well, it’s up to you. I’m sure Mel would understand though if you’ve changed yo–”

“Hazel!” Mel calls again.

Hazel clucks her tongue, sharp orbs setting on you. It looks as if she’s internally debating something, as if you standing in front of her seems to be more dire than Mel.

Slowly, eyes still daringly appraising you, Hazel rests her hand on Sevika’s forearm–the arm that holds Ava. “I’ll see you inside,” Hazel coo’s, kissing Sevika’s cheek.

That causes you to avert your attention, finding sudden interest in the grass.

Hazel brushes past you, saying something to Grayson that your brain struggles to register as the two of them head back inside the house.

“She…isn’t in the best mood today,” Sevika explains.

You hum, “...Never seen her like that before.”

A shrug. “She has her days.”

You take advantage of that moment, watching the way that the sunlight beautifully beams against Sevika’s skin. Seeing her sun-kissed has always felt sacred.

“You do seem a little spent. Um, are you thirsty?”

Your eyes widen at Sevika’s question.

She wets her lips. “Like, do you want water or anything?”

“I’m okay.”

Her lips part, throat bobbing as she swallows. “C’mon,” She whispers. “It’s 90 degrees out. At least a cup before you head home?”

“Yeah, c’mon,” Ava parrots, always taking after her Mom.

A gusty titter leaves you. You press a palm against your cheek.

“Yeah?” Sevika adds, pressing on.

Nodding, you clench your teeth, hating the smile that won’t leave your face. “Okay. Just one cup.”

Sevika’s eyebrows shoot up, “Well, would you look at that!” Her lips part, a breath-taking grin peeking through. It nearly paralyzes you. You haven’t seen her look like this in forever. “It only took 3 years. Can you believe it?” She murmurs to Ava.

Your eyes roll and you laugh again. “You’re an idiot.”

Sevika hums, appearing smug. “Maybe so.”

You fear you might die then, standing in front of her without the presence of trepidation. It’s definitely something that you’ll have to get used to–this newfound path to friendship. But, for now, you try to not let your brain get the best of you.

The stroll back to the house is slow, both yours and Sevika’s strides miniscule. It’s a snail pace to be honest but you don’t seem to mind.

“It’s beautiful here,” You find yourself muttering. Your hands gesture in front of you. “The house…”

Our house.

A lump takes root in your throat.

Swallowing, you try again. “It’s good for Ava. That she can grow up here. That you’re giving her this…”

That we gave her this.

“I…” Your hands tug on each other, palms growing clammy. “I want to apologize to you. For leaving you here.” Blinking rapidly, you exhale. “For abandoning you, and us and this…this life.” Her stare burns the side of your face. “I’ve been thinking since the last time we talked. And I realized I never apologized. And I do want you to know that I’m sorry. That I carry that remorse with me almost everyday. That I wish, in another life, I didn’t do that to you.” Rubbing your hands against the material of your dress, you find your courage to face her head-on despite your welling eyes. Your feet come to a stop. She mirrors you. “The sitting room…and the paint. I know you’ve always loved that color. I saw the portrait, the one Dad made you…I’m glad you finally hung it up.”

She drinks in everything you’re saying as if your word is the bible.

“Dad wouldn’t have liked Ava’s toys lying everywhere though. Jesus Christ.” You laugh tearfully. She joins you. “And that rocking chair…”

Your rocking chair.

“Do you still use your office?” Your mouth is running faster than your brain. This newfound eagerness…this liveliness…it’s simultaneously foreign and familiar.

“Of course,” Her voice is tender, swirling grey orbs darkening with each second.

You’re sure that your heart will burst if it swells any more.

“You’re more than welcome to be here, you know. You always have been.” Sevika’s voice is huskier, ringing with pure honesty. “To visit,” She quickly corrects. “...If you want.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” You grow visibly unsure. “The commute is a pain.”

“Even if it’s just on pick-up days.” She shifts her weight. “And I can always drop the rocking chair off to you…if you want to use it again.”

“I couldn’t ask that of you.”

“I don’t mind, it was a gift. It’s yours to have.”

The reminder brings you back to a time where you and Sevika were happily in love. She had secretly made you the rocking chair from scratch; hand-carving intricate etchings and floral engravings into the wood. She surprised you with it once you reached 7 months pregnant.

The nostalgia leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

“Or the days when you need to clear your head, you don’t even have to text.” Sevika continues. “You can come and just sit in it. I cleaned the foot-stool last month.”

Your eyes flutter shut as you think about the reality of Sevika still doing all of this upkeep. You wouldn’t have been angry with her if she had decided to throw all of your things away. In fact, that’s probably what you would’ve expected.

Ava reaches for you silently, her heavy eyelids a clear indication of her fatigue. You take her in your arms, silently resuming your strides. Ava rests her head against your shoulder.

“I’ll think about it.” You finally reply.

Sevika’s lip twitches. “Okay.”

The solitude that envelops you is peaceful. The pair of you climb the porch stairs with the sound of buzzing Cicadas as a buffer. She opens the porch door for you and you step through the threshold first.

The way you walk through the house is second-nature. You find yourself admiring the low-light setting coming from a nearby lamp.

“I’ll take your shoes,” Sevika whispers, mindful of Ava’s drowsiness.

You stop in your tracks. “Oh, right. Sorry.”

Instead of replying, Sevika crouches down. One of her hands gingerly takes your sandals as you step out of them.

She sets them beside her boots, positioned near the patio door.

“Thank you,” You add.

A voice travels from the kitchen. “...Don’t know what’s taking them so long.” It’s Hazel.

You exhale heavily, pace quickening as you round the corner.

Sitting at the marble tabletop is Grayson. She holds a sleeping Lianna, eyes lowered as she scrolls on her phone.

Mel is chopping vegetables, Hazel reading instructions on what appears to be a bag of Penne noodles.

“We’re here. Sorry,” You apologize, unsure why.

Mel’s head snaps up, first looking at Sevika who stands behind you. Then she glances at you.

Oh God. You hate when she looks at you like that.

“Fucking finally!” Hazel cackles. “It’s been like…10 minutes. Isn’t that curious, Gray?” She directs to Grayson.

Grayson grunts. “I’m not in this.”

“Quite curious,” Hazel pursues.

“I think,” Mel states. “We only have–”

“Sev, I need to talk to you.” Hazel’s voice cleanly cuts through the air.

A chill runs down your spine.

Without waiting for a response, she storms out of the room.

You’re frozen in place, holding Ava firmly to your frame, unsure what to do.

You feel yourself grow cold due to Sevika's fading presence behind you. The sound of her footsteps grow distant as she follows Hazel.

Once they’re out of earshot, Mel practically slams her knife on the chopping board, jaw going slack. “Okay, what the fuck is going on?”

This is what you’ve feared.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Keep your voice down,” You hiss, walking towards her. You try your best to cover Ava’s ears with one hand.

“Why the hell are you and Sev practically eye-fucking each other all of a sudden?”

You wince. “Nothing’s going on. We talked a few days ago about…everything. And we made amends and we're fine now.”

“You did what?”

“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s only been like 5 days, Mel. I’m still trying to figure this all out and I don’t want Ava to be confused–”

“Jesus christ.”

“I’ve been trying not to make a big deal out of it.”

“Are you kidding me? It’s a huge deal! You’re in deep shit.”

“I’m not in any–”

“You’re fucking in love with her.” Mel struggles to keep her voice lowered, vein popping out of her neck.

“Mel–”

“You’ve always been in love with her. I can see it. Gert can see it. Gray can. It’s obvious! Lie to yourself all you want but you know it won’t work on me.”

Your eyes burn. You blink. “We’re just friends.”

“Right. And the sky is purple.” She rolls her eyes.

“For the record,” Grayson butts in, eyes remaining on her phone screen. “I’m team do-whatever-makes-you-happy, whether it’s friendship or more.”

Mel’s jaw clenches. She leans both hands against the island counter-top, deliberately inhaling before exhaling. “I’m not against this happening,” She says slowly. “You already know how I feel about you two. But I just need you to be smart about this. Because whether you like it or not, there’s another fucking person involved in this shit who is not being considered.”

As if on cue, “Do you honestly expect me to be okay with you becoming best friends with your ex-wife?” Hazel’s berates, voice raising several decibels.

Your mind begins to reel as reality sets in.

“We’re just friends. Nothing more,” You repeat.

Mel picks the knife back up. “All I’m saying is that we don’t need things getting any messier than they’ve already become.”

Your posture straightens and you nod.

You’re suddenly engulfed with the feeling of overstaying your welcome.

“Will you tell Sev I decided to go home early? I told her I would stay for a drink but I think it’s best I leave.”

Mel sighs, her features morphing into remorse. “Wait, I don’t want you to take offense. You know I love you both, I just really want to make sure–”

“No worries.” You’re already backing out of the kitchen. “I'll let you guys know when we make it home.”

You’re thankful that Sevika and Hazel have made their way upstairs. Attempting not to wake Ava, you do your best to slip on your sandals. Mel objects a few times more but you wave her off, quickly exiting the house and making your way to your car.

She’s right.

You’re treading in dangerous waters and you need to find a way to ground yourself.

Immediately.

***

It’s 11 p.m when your phone buzzes. You glance at it, expecting it to be another random news alert. Instead, it’s from Sevika.

Sev - 11:17 PM

I’m sorry about earlier with Hazel.

Sev - 11:18 PM

I’m glad you two got home safely.

You stare at the screen, watching in anticipation as three dots hover in the chat.

Sev - 11:19 PM

On the plus side, it’s good that you left when you did.

Things went pretty south with Hazel.

I wouldn’t want Ava to be around that.

Your heart picks up. You begin chewing on your lip, trying to think of what to say.

Sev - 11:20 PM

We broke up.

Holy shit.

Your breath hitches and you sit up in your bed. You’re not sure how long you stare at your phone screen, but you know that it’s long enough for the screen to dim.

Before you can think properly, which it seems you haven’t been doing much of lately, you click the call icon.

The phone rings as you bring it up to your ear.

Your left hand begins pinching the flesh of your thigh. You wince.

Oay, so this definitely isn’t a dream.

“Hello?” Sevika’s greeting is low and gravelly, the way it always gets during odd hours of the night.

You freeze despite her not being able to see you.

“What happened?” You ask, voice soft. You don’t want to sound eager, even though you internally feel as if you’re dying to know.

Sevika sighs. “It wasn’t working.”

You cling onto every word she says, waiting impatiently for her to say more. “And?”

“And it was already falling apart. I told you before that we agreed to be casual. But even then it just…” Another sigh.

You fiddle with the material of your duvet, trying to remain calm.

But there were alot of mixed emotions that you were struggling to identify.

What is this life that you’re living?

“She was struggling with us being friends, as well.” Sevika continues. “Which I guess is understandable and even more the reason why things should have ended. I mean, who wants to date someone that’s friends with their ex?” A disbelieving chuckle leaves her.

“Yeah. That’s true. I feel bad.”

“About being my friend? Ouch.”

You roll your eyes. “You know what I mean.”

And you do feel bad.

Because, although you had only been alone with Sevika for only a few moments, you had wished it occurred for longer. You had wished she wasn’t together with Hazel–you had wished that she could be yours again. That wasn’t fair to Hazel, no matter how much you disliked her. And although it saddened you to know that things ended the way they did, it also relieved you. Hazel deserves to be with someone who doesn’t have a bitter ex.

“Sev,” Your tongue is heavy in your mouth. “What really happened with Hazel?” Your heart is still racing in your chest as your grip tightens around your phone.

“You happened.”

Warmth floods through you.

“But,” Sevika drawls slowly. “You already know that, don’t you?”

Nervously, you reply, “I wasn’t completely sure.”

You hear her tut her tongue. “ I talked with Mel about you.”

Your head spins at the admission.

“And I think…” Her breath stutters. “I think, even though I want to do this with you–God, angel, you don’t realize how much I want this with you,” Your eyes close as you grip your duvet. Angel. “When you left me, I thought I was going to fucking die.”

Your wince from the sharp pain inside your mouth; you’ve been biting on your cheek too hard.

“And I can’t risk going through that again,” She finishes, voice strained. “If we were to try and something were to go wrong...”

A tear streams down your cheek.

“I wouldn’t do that to you again.” Your voice breaks as you state this. “I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier. And how I’m welcome to come visit, to sit in my chair and relax on the porch. I want that and so much more. Spending our days in that house, with you and with our daughter. Growing old.” Your heart breaks at the sound of sniffling on the other line. “And it’s why I’ve moved to the other side of town.” A broken sob leaves you. “Because I knew this would happen if I didn’t…that I would begin to miss you and once I allow myself to miss you…” Another sob.

“We built this house for each other,” Sevika warbles. “And yet you left me here, by myself for 3 fucking years. How can I trust that you won’t do it again?”

The pain you feel is beyond words.

You remember the joy that you and Sevika shared when building your home. It had everything you ever wanted–everything she ever wanted. Those days were perfect.

How could you have fucked something up so badly?

So much so, that there’s no remedy? No solution?

“I love you.” You confess. “I always have and I always will. We ruined things and I know it’s scary. And I know I hurt you. I’m sorry I did, I really wish I hadn’t. And I’m not saying this needs to be anything right away. But I want to try at some point. I want to give us that chance because I am so desperately in love with you. And that’ll never go away. I’ll never stop wanting you.”

“Every night, I wish I could be in your arms again,” You add. “I curse myself from all the nights I chose to be away from you in our marriage, sleeping in our guest room and for what?”

“Don’t do that to yourself–”

“But it’s true.” Blinking, you shake your head. “The moon shines through my bedroom window just like it did in our first apartment. Sometimes at night, when I think of you, I always think about how much you’d love it here. And it’s not just during the night when that happens. I think about you all the time.”

A beat passes. Blood rushes through your ears, you sink further into the comfort of your sheets.

There.

You had finally told her.

Even if this goes the way you feel it will, you’ll at least be free of these feelings. You’ll have finally confessed them to her and not be weighed down with the thought spirals of what-ifs.

“Fuck.” She whispers. “You don’t understand how much I want to get in my car and drive to you.”

You wipe your tears away from your cheeks, trying to calm down your breathing. “And what if I want that?”

“...Do you?”

“I don’t think I’ve wanted anything more.”

Her breath is disconnected. It causes you to sink even more in your sheets, gut pulling and thighs squeezing together. Every inch of your body and soul screams for her.

“Don’t fall asleep.” She mutters.

Then she hangs up the phone.

***

You shiver as you stare at your full length mirror, double checking your appearance for the nth time.

For the past 20 minutes, you’ve juggled between anxious pacing and making yourself presentable.

Sevika should be here any moment now, a quick turn of events that you hadn’t anticipated but happily–and desperately–welcome.

You aren’t entirely sure about her motives for coming over but you do know that you want to be presentable.

It’s only after you’ve flossed your teeth when your phone lights up.

Sevika - 12:32 AM

I’m outside.

“What the hell is happening right now,” You mumble, eyes widening.

With skyrocketing nerves, you tip-toe throughout your apartment, making sure to pull Ava’s bedroom door closed when you pass it. You chew on your lower lip self-consciously as you fidget with your pajamas.

After spending a few seconds looking through the peephole, you undo the sliding bolt before opening the door.

“Hi, I–”

But your words are interrupted. Instead, you're met with Sevika’s lips crashing onto yours.

You gasp at the contact, the feeling of her hands cupping your face being the only reminder that this is real.

This is actually happening.

You don’t remember the last time you’ve kissed Sevika. For a second, the thought saddens you. But then you feel the trickle of her hands sliding down your face and you decide that it doesn’t matter.

She dips down further, lips pressing against yours with firmness and urgency. Her hands fall to your hips, clutching them for dear life and pulling you to her.

A moan escapes you and you can’t help but lean into her touch. There’s a moment when she swipes her tongue into your mouth, nearly causing your knees to buckle. She kisses you like she has nothing to lose, like there’s nothing else that could steer her from this moment. You’re sure that this is what it feels like to see a sunset slowly melt into the horizon, evidently lighting the world on fire.

Her guttural moan drives you crazy when it vibrates into your mouth. Both of her arms wrap around you, crushing you to her–causing chest to chest contact. She laps into you feverishly, moaning once again.

You press into her; needing more. So much more. This isn't close to enough.

She breaks away, gasping for air. When you meet her eyes, you notice that they’re considerably darker and completely blown out. You pull her through the threshold, swiftly closing and bolting the door shut behind you. Your pulse quickens when she dips down, sweeping you up bridal-style.

“Shit!” You gasp, eyes widening. Your arms wrap around her neck instinctively.

“Where to?”

“The last door at the end of the hallway.”

You feel a mix of anticipation, desire and joy.

Sevika gently presses soft kisses against the side of your face, mumbling, “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yes.” You say without a beat. “I want you. In every way.”

It’s hard to rationalize what’s happening. Your brain is too fuzzy from her hot mouth pressing against your throat, which sucks and licks and bites. Subconsciously, you let out another moan, eyes fluttering.

You’re so distracted that you’re surprised when you hear her kick your bedroom door shut.

It all happens very quickly–the way you’re laying on your bed with her body weight above you. Your legs spread further, eager to feel any semblance of her in between you.

She meets you with another kiss, pressing into you exactly where you need.

Her hips rock while her teeth nip at your bottom lip. That’s when you lose your fucking mind.

“Please,” You exhale, wrapping your legs around her and arching your back.

Her hips buck again, this time harder. The mere force of it only makes you feel headier.

The material of your shirt is tugged. “Off.” She orders.

Your shirt comes off quickly along with your cotton shorts. It’s all too familiar the way you allow her to strip you down. In return, you manage to rid her of her clothing, leaving her in just her underwear. This urgency to consume her is deja-vu. Like all the times throughout your marriage, it hits you like a semi-truck.

“I’ll die if I don’t have you.” You admit, eyes catching onto the beautiful swell of her breasts.

When she peers at you, your gut tugs from the way her eyes frost-over, jaw setting. She doesn’t seem upset with you, rather than upset with the words that have just left your mouth.

“You never lost me,” She draws slowly, completely serious.

Before you can reply, she kisses you. It's a brief one, only lasting for a few seconds. Then she does the same with your cheeks, and your jaw, and your neck…And…

You wait in anticipation, watching her become eye-level with your breasts. For a moment she buffers, then groans. “You're so fucking beautiful.”

Your eyes widen when she covers her mouth over your right nipple.

“Oh god. Sev–”

Her other hand presses against your stomach, firmly correcting your habit to arch into her.

Your cunt is too wet; throbbing and aching and dripping solely for her. “Please,” You echo, unsure of how long you’ll be able to wait.

“So fucking desperate,” She mumbles against you. Then she’s hovering above you again, her forehead aligning with yours before she nods. “Alright then. Spread for me.”

Wordlessly, you comply, legs opening without any hesitation.

She watches you closely, lips parting slightly as she easily sinks two fingers into you. Her attention zero’s in on your mouth–the way it falls ajar and how your jaw loosens. She pushes until she’s knuckles deep, groaning when you clench around her. “Don’t let Ava hear you,” She warns.

And that’s the only thing she says before she pulls out and pumps again. It’s slick and audible. Her palm is rough, firmly pressing against your clit with each thrust. It’s when she adds another finger that your eyes begin to swell with tears.

You pant, falling apart due to how keenly she observes you. Her fingers are thick, nearly filling you to the brim. Her mere strength not only rocks you but also the bed.

It’s hard to find your focus, your cheeks staining with tears and vision blackening from your daze. The sound of her pushing into you is obscene.

“Look at me, angel.” Her voice is carnal. “I need to see you.”

You do your best to keep your eyes open.

She curls into you and reaches exactly where you need.

“Shit, there’s that spot,” She tilts her head, appraising you with a grin. Her irises glint as if she’s just found a pot of gold. “You like it when I’m that deep, don’t you?”

She pumps once more–right where your sweet spot is–determined to garner the same reaction again. And she does.

All at once, she becomes relentless, drunk on your tears and your face and your heat. There’s something feral that unleashes at that moment. Your mouth gapes open while she continues to slam into you.

“Oh my God,” Your voice trembles. You feel your slick dripping down your thighs, surely soaking the sheets. The awe on her face is beautiful and dizzying.

“...Haven’t even tasted you yet and you’re already about to come.” She breathes. “Go on, baby. Let it out for me.”

She makes an effort to press her palm against your clit with every thrust, pulling you closer to the edge. Your nails are digging into her back and it seems to egg her on, causing her to moan like she’s the one being fucked.

As if she senses it, her mouth covers yours, muffling your cry while her drilling remains steadfast. Her body rocks into you with every wave, not letting up despite your cresting.

Her tongue swallows every sound and her body covers you while she works you through it. It’s only when she pulls away, pumps slowing down, that you realize how much you’re shaking.

Your arms tighten around her and your eyes are heavy with fatigue. But you try to remember this moment despite your mind feeling cloudy.

It’s when she slowly pulls her fingers out of you, sucking them without any hesitation, when your stomach pulls again and that heat returns.

She notices it–of course she does–and her tongue swipes her lips.

Fuck.

“I know that look from miles away,” She rasps. “Lay back, angel. I’m not done.”

***

When you wake, you can’t help but groan due to the blinding sunlight that shines.

Your lips are chapped, body bone-tired and eyelids heavy.

“What the hell?” You grumble, reaching down to rub your leg. You wince when your hand makes contact with your thigh.

You struggle to sit up and you pull back your duvet.

“Shit.” Your eyes widen, taking in the sight of circular bruises trailing up your thighs, and your stomach, and…

The memories flood you all at once; you and Sevika having your way with each other throughout the night. The laughter and the biting and the crying. And her confessions…how she had reminded you that you’ll always be her’s and that she wouldn’t have it any other way. It felt like a dream. It felt like coming home.

“Sev?” You whisper, reaching beside you. But no one is there.

Your eyebrows furrow as you try to backtrack to the previous night.

The two of you had definitely fallen asleep in each other’s arms.

No. It can’t be…

But, after all, it hadn’t even been 12 hours ago when Sevika was crying to you on the phone, explaining that she couldn’t risk pursuing anything that could lead to a broken heart.

Maybe it had been a mistake for her. With emotions running high (as well as hormones), maybe she woke up and regretted what the two of you had done.

This all had happened entirely fast anyway. You wouldn’t be surprised if you had overwhelmed her–if you had scared her away.

And could you really blame her?

After all you had put her through, after leaving her and never looking back, is it really so surprising that she’d be protecting her heart?

You reach for your phone in a panic to check the time: 11:42 AM.

Your heart stutters.

Oh no.

Oh god, no.

Adrenaline skyrocketing, you jump out of bed, slipping on your cotton shorts and t-shirt from last night. Your feet move with urgency as you throw open your bedroom door and call, “Ava?”

Because how on earth did your alarm not wake you? Moreso, how did you sleep this long and not be woken up by your daughter?

Your stomach pulls when you glance in her bedroom, surprised to see the door open (which you remember closing last night) with no one present.

“Ava?” Your voice is firmer. Louder.

There’s nothing.

Chest heaving, you stomp down the hallway and towards the living room. “Ava?”

Then the kitchen.

Silence.

You rush to your front door, struggling with the lock due to your trembling hands. You swing it open, peering outside into the driveway. Sevika’s car is gone.

She must have taken Ava when she decided to leave. Your stomach twists at the revelation and you press your hand against your chest, wishing the pain would fade. No matter how much of a wreck Sevika felt this morning, you’d never expect for her to do something like this. You still had a week with Ava.

You run back to your bedroom, unlocking your phone and clicking Sevika’s contact.

You pace back and forth as the call rings.

And rings.

When she doesn’t answer, your eyes squeeze shut and the automated voicemail message sounds.

“Sev,” You start, holding your phone close to your ear. “I can imagine you may be feeling a lot of conflicted emotions after last night but please bring back Ava.” Your voice wavers. “Please. I just want my week with her.”

A lump forms in your throat and you bite back a cry. The more reality sinks in, the more you fall apart. Soon enough, you’re crouching on the floor, cursing yourself for how stupid you’ve been.

Why didn’t you think last night through? Why hadn’t you led with your brain for once?

You call Sevika again.

No answer.

“Please call me back.” You plead before ending the voicemail.

Standing up, you go to the nearest drawer and grab a random pair of leggings, bra and t-shirt. Blood rushes through your ears as you change into the clothes. Then you’re grabbing your purse and phone, trying to decide who to contact first.

Mel wouldn’t take the news well. She’d rip one into Sevika and make things worse. Gert would do just the same.

You had to call someone that would be able to get through to Sevika; someone that could remain level-headed. It would either have to be Grayson or your mom. Your brain races a mile a minute as you walk towards your front door and slip on your sandals. You don’t quite feel within your body, distraught wrecking you in a way that you’ve only felt a few times before.

“Mommy!”

The exclamation jars you and your head snaps up, finding the source standing in the threshold of the front door.

For a small moment, you think you’re hallucinating.

But then Ava breaks out into a grin, water bottle in her hand as she walks towards you.

“Good morning!” She chirps.

You freeze. “Ava?”

She ignores you, more interested in taking off her light-up sketchers.

You reach forward, enveloping her in your arms as you sigh in relief. “You’re okay?” You ask, holding her tightly.

“You’re too strong!” She grumbles, squirming in your embrace.

“Where were you?” You ask, voice warbling. “I was looking for you. I was calling you.” You pick her up fully, cradling your hand against her head. You struggle to gain your bearings.

“Angel?”

Sevika appears in the door frame, eyebrows furrowing. She’s fully clothed in what she was wearing yesterday, holding a drink carrier of coffee cups and a brown paper bag.

“Why did you take her?” Your voice is strained.

Sevika freezes. “What?”

“You could have left without being petty. I still have my week with her,” You cough, trying to get all the words out while simultaneously gasping for air. “I get it if last night was too much for you, but you can’t just–”

“Woah.” Sevika’s eyes grow wide, lips parting in bewilderment. She steps towards you. “Hey, it’s okay–”

“You can’t just take her like that.” You’re wailing at this point. “And why weren’t you answering your phone? I was calling you. I almost reached out to my mom–”

“Baby.” Sevika’s eyebrows furrow.

It’s that word alone that halts you.

“I need you to breathe for me, you’re nearly hyperventilating.” She sets everything in her hands on the floor, eyes watching you closely as she reaches for you. “You were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you. I thought I’d get us food from the cafe nearby. I brought Ava with me, got her some treats…” She trails off, cupping your face with both of her hands. “I left you a note in the room. Did you not see it?”

The cogs in your brain turn as you register what she’s saying.

Oh.

“I thought you…” Your mouth is dry. You swallow. “I thought last night had been too much for you…that you panicked and left.”

Worry lines appear on her forehead. “...I would never do that to you.” Her thumbs rub circles into your cheeks. “And last night…yes, I think we should talk about that at some point. But I’m not going anywhere.”

Your eyes close on your own accord and you exhale shakily.

She presses her forehead with yours. “I’m not going anywhere,” She repeats. She waits patiently while you attempt to recenter yourself, hands still caressing your face.

“I love you,” She whispers, nudging your nose with hers. “God, I don’t think you’ll ever really know how much I love you. And I know we have a lot to work though, but don’t believe for a second that I’d ever do that to you. Okay?”

You idle like that for a bit, allowing the warmth of her presence (and her admission) to seep into your bones.

But then Ava sighs in your arms, whispering a small, “I’m hungry,” as she nudges your arm.

It’s the perfect icebreaker, easing the tension within seconds.

“Are you?” Sevika speaks, voice soft as she directs it towards your daughter. Her hands drift from your face, poking Ava teasingly. Ava laughs.

Sevika closes the front door which you hadn’t realized was open this entire time. Swiftly, she picks up the cup holder and bag of food. “Let’s get some food in you,” She adds, meeting your eyes.

Your heart rate evens. You allow yourself to be swept up in the tenderness that emanates off of her.

You nod and murmur, “Okay,” Following her towards the dining room as if an invisible string is pulling you to her.

You fear that Mel was right.

You’re in some deep shit.

#LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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