arcstic

[arcstic]

on love

i feel as if i am always searching for something. what exactly i’m looking for i have yet to find out.

yet in my search, i have found you. i have built a home with you. after only months of dating. and that is a scary prospect. i look at our home, our shared space, our shared groceries, and it feels good but something keeps me on edge. i look at you, at the way you hold me, hold my cheek, call me baby, and i feel... at peace. i lean into your hand, kiss your palm, and lean into you.

i can’t help but feel spoiled endlessly. by you, by your affection, by your words, and the way that you just exist in this space with me.

some days it gets hard to exist in that space, almost too safe, almost too secure. i am looking for something else, searching for something to disrupt us, bring us closer together.

i am holding you tightly in my fist, afraid that if i let go or you let go, one of us will leave. i am afraid of leaving, of change, and of heartbreak.

when i brought that up with my therapist, he said that perhaps... that’s the uncertainty of it all. i feel uncertain about so many things and i want answers. white and black, right and wrong. definitive in a place where i am not that, where i am anything but that.

and yet, he told me that while we do not know the future, we can know that in the current moment, we exist. and we are okay. and we are happy. and that is enough.

and i lean into that now.

while i cannot profess my love out loud easily, i can say this. in the private of our own home, our little cosmic bed, i can tell you that i love you. i can tell you that i am eager to live another day with you. and until the day comes that i turn away, until the day comes that i am no longer benefitting or until you no longer benefit me, i will continue loving you fiercely.

[arcstic]

早川書房　著フランシス・チャ『あのこは美人』｜装画

[arcstic]

[arcstic]

honobono x snoopy by SNOOPY (textless version)

[arcstic]

do you ever sabotage your own free time? like wtf is that about? i want to play this game or read or do something specific but instead i will just stare out the window or scroll mindlessly???

[arcstic]

outdated

i get the feeling that no one is on tumblr anymore and that’s okay.

yesterday on the bus ride to work i thought about how much i miss writing. i miss writing and discussing my pain. i miss writing for the sake of writing and for outward validation. i miss writing and being able to keep this public private diary that no one else will see or even recognize as me.

perhaps that will because i am fond of this URL but other than that i miss... the feeling of unleashing something out into the universe and letting it settle for others to read. i feel powerful when i write about things that no one will know the larger context of.

perhaps that’s narcissistic of me to think that my writing is /that/ good. (truthfully, it probably isn’t). but i think about how much i used to write when i was younger, how much i would pour my heart out onto tumblr hoping someone would see it, like it, enjoy it, and give me the likes that gave me affirmation that i was... good at what i was doing.

i miss those days. a lot. and so i come back. to an outdated platform no one visits to write, a ghost appearing before an altar. hoping someone will notice, has noticed, me.

[arcstic]

The Lost Daughter (Maggie Gyllenhaal, 2021)

[arcstic]

things to do on sundays to recharge and make the upcoming week awesome

• clean ya room (just do it). also, check those pinterest boards you save for “one day” and actually go through them and draw some inspiration, even if you just end up rearranging the books on your bookshelf or putting some flowers from your garden in a mason jar on your desk. this is your home, make it feel like it is.

• do your laundry (also, don’t forget your bed sheets). if you’re in the mood, look at next week’s weather forecast and think about what you’re going to wear. go through your drawers, check the back of your closet. that hat you bought some time ago and forgot about because you didn’t dare to wear it? well… new week, new you, right? 

• call a friend/family member you haven’t talked to in a while, tell them you miss them. tell them you love them. remember and appreciate that they are a part of your life even if it doesn’t feel like it all the time.

• draw, paint, journal, write or make some music. something you know you love doing but “never find the time”. sunday is “finding-the-time day”. if you’re not feeling creative, read a book or watch your favorite show. or watch a new show. a scary show. a funny show. laugh as loud as you want. listen to music. listen to your favorite songs, or listen to new songs. even a new genre if you dare. turn the volume all the way up. take a second to consciously feel the music. you can always get up and dance. or sing. or both.

• the great, but still really effective classic: take a bath or a really long shower. if you have this special face or hair mask you’re saving up for a special occasion: congrats, you’re the special occasion today. use it. also, body lotion. we all know you’re going to be running late during the week and skip it one too many times. make yourself feel like the goddess you are. 

• sit in silence for a few moments. listen to your breath. listen to your heartbeat. for the love of god PLEASE listen to your thoughts for once in your life. don’t make them feel like they are wrong. or bothersome. they too just want to be heard once in a while. what are they trying to tell you? what could be soothing for them? be compassionate to yourself. it’s okay. you are okay. you are okay.

• think about things you can be grateful for next week. even if you feel like your life sucks atm, think about the small things you take for granted in a different way. for example: “next week, i will have access to clean water. CLEAN. WATER. 844 million people don’t have that.” or “next week, my legs will take me wherever i want to go. not everybody has two fully functioning legs, so i’m lucky in that way.” you’re allowed to feel bad about your life, but you’re also allowed to feel good about things. 

• if you’ve stayed home most of the week, go out. go for a walk. go swimming. go to a party or dinner with friends. even if you feel like you don’t need to see the outside world, chances are you’ll feel great after you do. if you feel like you’ve been running around all week, maybe you’d like to stay home today. put on your ugliest sweater, comfiest leggings, and fluffiest socks and curl up under a thousand blankets. you a sloth today and it’s okay. 

• eat. i mean honestly: eat THE THING. i don’t care if you’re on a diet. if there’s something you’ve been craving all week that has turned you into the veiny-neck-dude meme just trying to resist it: EAT IT. you deserve it. not because you worked out or ate salads or did well in school, but just because you’re a human and you love to eat and life is short and you should be allowed to eat yummy things. it’s okay. you won’t gain 5 pounds or lose your brain cells no matter how unhealthy it is, i promise.

• plan plan plan yo week. it doesn’t matter if you use a planner, bullet journal, the calendar on your phone or the notes app: write everything down you have going on next week. appointments. events. coffee-dates. when are you going to the gym? what are you going to eat? (meal prep if necessary) also, create reminders on your phone for everything. “i won’t forget it!” is a sweet thought, but oh honey you will. schedule reminders for every event. let your phone remind you that you need to buy toilet paper when the store is nearby. schedule daily reminders for your medications. (once you’ve done this it honestly feels like you just cleaned out 38GB of your brain, you simply don’t have to worry about that anymore, space for more important info, like your new favorite pun to annoy everyone with)

• most importantly: listen to what your mind and your body need today and next week. daily life is so full of “should-do”s that it’s important to find a healthy balance between the “should”s and the “need”s. you will be much more productive, healthy and happy that way. nobody knows you better than you do, take advantage of that and plan accordingly.

[arcstic]

THERE IS A FONT THAT IS DESIGNED TO MAKE U REMEMBER EVERYTHING

I don’t usually share a whole lot but THIS IS INCREDIBLE 

http://sansforgetica.rmit/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=Sans_Forgetica&utm_content=Launch_Video

[arcstic]

https://www.instagram.com/p/ByWOzbolkWr

[arcstic]

[arcstic]

a note to self 

[arcstic]

[arcstic]

10.04.2019

Lately I’ve been skipping lectures to study in the morning. I’m trying really hard to keep up with lectures and labs and seminars and find time to revise and maybe even have a social life now and then and it’s hard! And it’s only the second week of the semester!! 

[arcstic]

[arcstic]

[arcstic]

landscape/sky study done on autodesk sketchbook! took roughly 45mins to complete.

i post more art like this on my ig (@geeechloe) so if you like this, check out my art account folks! ✨