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yesterday i was yapping at the bar and a guy said as a joke that someone abandoned me and nobody loves me and i kid you not. i cried next to a couple of strangers and then had a panic attack in the bathroom!! hihi!!!!
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The Air Swipe bag @ Coperni fw24
Made of NASA's nanomaterial silica aerogel, the lightest solid on planet Earth, the Air Swipe bag is made of 99% pure nothing and 1% glass, the glass of the future. This very delicate (and non-fragile) nanomaterial has been used by NASA to capture stardust: because it can withstand extreme heat (12000 Celsius) and a pressure of 4000 times its weight.
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SCHIAPARELLI Couture Spring/Summer 2024
if you want to support this blog consider donating to:ko-fi.com/fashionrunways
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carved a smile on your face,
wore your lingerie like elegance
posed in the mirror as you would with him
a gasp let out of your painted lips
a vicious smile looking back at you
as if you have control
running out of your apartment
you listened to lana
romanticising the world to forget about the other boy
you see him.
"hes not you but hes here and you arent" you remembered. it was written on a melancholic grey wall with a blunt black marker. you looked at these words everyday on your way to school. you felt connected to them, even though you had never ached for anybody yet.
his hands in his jacket, he awkwardly showed you the way, you thought his manners are lovely
he dinned with you and threw promises at you, you struggled to believe
but he was so kind
not a touch, you thought, a sweet man
you went back home with questions ringing in your ear
a maybe echoed, one that you didnt really believe
you carved a smile on your face,
wore your lingerie like elegance
posed in the mirror as you would with him
a gasp let out of your painted lips
a vicious smile looking back at you
as if you have control
you cook with him and he makes jokes
he sweetenes your anxieties, not with the glasses of wine he offered you but with his kindness. he called you beautiful and you, believed
you took him by his collar and showed him
how hopeless you are for him
he holds you tight, so tight, so tight
whispers words of love in your ear
you shiver
you relive the gasp, more lively now than ever.
he holds you tight, so tight. he said hes so lucky to have found you.
you look at the mirror
a sweet smile reflecting your heart, grown
you wear your lipstick and listen to lana on your bike, on the way to him
to remember him
you smile at him again, hes sweetly smiling back at you
he takes you home, holds your hand on the way
you feel like youre living in a dream
words like honey running out of his mouth, he holds you, whispers words of love to your ear
you hold him back, you called him handsome
maybe in that word your ache for love echoed
maybe thats what repulsed him
you relive the gasp, more lively now than ever.
on your way back you listen to lana
to remember this boy
your heart has flourished
you dont care about strangers anymore
you ignore beautiful smiles, simply as theyre not his
as time passes your heart grown, feels worn off. youve been waiting by the phone and you forgot to eat
you rethink all of your steps, remember all your clumsy movements
you look in your mirror again, looking for what he saw
at your reflection, a worried shimmer behind your mascara
you rush out of your apartment,
to prove yourself wrong
you play lana, to cover the voices
you see him, he sees you
thats all,
he doesnt hold your hand,
maybe hes tired
you're waking up
a slightly painful gasp is the strongest of all
he too gasps again and turns over
his back a wall you can't surpass
you ache for the honey but the honey doesnt reach you
you touch his shoulder and your hand freezes
you wait for sleep to calm you, but you know
only he can
on your last trip home you listened to lana to feel the pain, to cherish the drops of honey left
you called him and he told you,
he doesnt see a future,
the surrealism of his promises made sense now
lies, unlike a hopeful truth, can so easily slip from mans mouth
days and weeks pass and you accept the cold
you finally woke up
you look at the mirror
a bare, lovely figure, empty
a heart dried out
you carved a smile on your face,
snatched your waist
wore your heels higher
when you were told about the girl,
who gasped in her lovers car
who was abandoned, used and dressless, somewhere on some route you dont know about,
humiliated, alone and with a heart of stone
you always imagined her pretty
but for you, it was always about the mirror, your broken reflection
you have been everyone, but its never enough for you, if youre alone
you have everything, but its never enough for you, as you are alone
you carved a smile on your face,
wore your lingerie like elegance
posed in the mirror as you would with him
a gasp let out of your painted lips
a vicious smile looking back at you
as if you have control
running out of your apartment
you listened to lana
romanticising the world to forget about the boy
you see him. a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. his eyebrow slightly raised as he winks at you. hes not you, but hes here and you aren't
at least short stories dont hold the power to weight your heart for too long
but the thought that once upon a time you were loveable does.
before the lipstick, before the heels, before the late night dances, before the hopelessness
before that first boy that made you gasp when you were only hoping to be held.
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You ached for me as i did for you, but when i ached for the kindness of the tip of your smile, your soft gaze, your arms’ warmth, to know your thoughts and dreams, and maybe be a part of them, you dreamt of tense kisses, scratches on your back, my legs around your neck. You saw love in lust and i saw lust in love. in your indifference, i ached for a drop of care, you begged for space. I lost my way, thirsting over a second of profound tenderness and when i never got it i cried and cried and cried and your lust turned into disgust and hate. you tried to repulse me with your unkindness. you only made me beg louder. I sobbed for hours, trying to make you realise that all im asking for is love. But how could you offer me something that was never in your disposal. I leave your home, hurt and broken, you get back to your room empty. But i, once more, will be full. Ill shine brightly and Ill offer my love unconditionally. Ill find a boy with a heart of gold and ill achieve what i was always intended to. What will you do? How far could lust get you.
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however, next time, when he doesnt listen, when he doesnt care to know about me or my past, when he says to much too quickly, when hes being very mean for no reason, when he is distant and cold and rude, when he is weird in public or gets mad too much at passing cars and buses, ill dump his psychopathetic ass
ill do the exact same next time. ill be open and honest and incredibly loving. ill make him feel like the most special guy in the world. ill treasure him and ill take care of him and ill give him his space and ill trust him. and ill express my emotions and ill cry and ill laugh and ill dance. and i will be shy around him and i will laugh too hard. and if that makes me unlovable then ill proudly be the most lovely unlovable girl in the world. but no cruel man will ever change me. i will never ever stop and maybe that will be my legacy.
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“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”
— Unknown
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ill do the exact same next time. ill be open and honest and incredibly loving. ill make him feel like the most special guy in the world. ill treasure him and ill take care of him and ill give him his space and ill trust him. and ill express my emotions and ill cry and ill laugh and ill dance. and i will be shy around him and i will laugh too hard. and if that makes me unlovable then ill proudly be the most lovely unlovable girl in the world. but no cruel man will ever change me. i will never ever stop and maybe that will be my legacy.
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