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ariestar91-blog · 4 years

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What is your Life Path?

I was recently watching an American sitcom called Marlon. For those of you who haven’t heard of it before, it is a show about a divorced African American couple happily coparenting two beautiful children. The mother, a well-mannered and sensible woman, some would say, has made her career in Architecture and Design, a seemingly traditional profession. The father, considered an overzealous man-child, is a Comedian and Social Media Influencer, a career many consider non-traditional. BOTH are successful in their own right.

The episode I was watching was about Career Day in the couple’s son’s school. The students were encouraged to dress professionally, so the mother had her son wear a black suit, complete with tie. In the classroom, every student was dressed in clothes that are traditionally considered professional.

That got me thinking about the way we groom our children for the workplace. The approach is not updated. For most of my childhood, I was told the same things that the children on this show were taught. When I walked in for a job interview at the company I work for today, I was dressed in a “professional” ensemble. I can’t tell you how out of place I felt. Around me were people lounging on bean bags, dressed as if they were at a café chilling with friends.

The reality is that the concept of “the professional look” is being redefined. This is because many of the traditional professions are on the verge of extinction. In their place, many new professions are becoming commonplace. By the time those in university right now graduation and enter the workforce to build their careers, many existing professions will already be dead, and many more on the verge of dying, including the ones that are currently being studied in universities.

Most adults will tell you that they’re not even doing the jobs they went to school for, even if it was for a highly specialized profession. I know doctors who spent decades earning their medical degrees only to turn around and pursue their passions elsewhere or use their skills to bring credibility to medical TV shows and movies. Many have gone the traditional route of practicing medicine for a few years before ending up as hospital administrators who no longer actively practice medicine.

Where does this leave you? After years of lectures, assignments, exams and student debt, there isn’t even a guarantee that it will be worth it. So, my advice to everyone, no matter how confident you are about the path you wish to follow is to follow the path you WANT to follow, whatever it is. None of it is going to be easy anyway:

Ø If you follow a path that many before you have taken, you will need to work harder to set yourself apart.

Ø If you take a path less travelled, you will need to work hard to build that road, inch by inch.

Each path comes with its own challenges. Neither is easy. So you might as well tread a path wherein lie challenges you are willing to commit to overcoming.

The reality is that the lines are blurring between what is deemed an acceptable career and what is not. Following the very profession your forefathers made their own will take you on your own unique journey, because things have changed – the times are different, the context is different, the people are different, and so on. In other words, the variables are different. You may even have more variables to deal with than any other generation before you.

We live in a time with immense opportunity. With these opportunities come choices. You can make any choice – it can be the right one, or it can be the wrong one. There are no guarantees. So you might as well make a choice you’re willing to live with.

A decade ago, getting an MBA or any professional degree, for that matter, would guarantee you a cushy job with a fat paycheck. When I obtained my MBA in 2013, I was in Singapore. At the time, Singaporean companies were paying higher salaries to kids fresh out of their undergraduate coursework than to MBA graduates. The difference was a staggering 40%.

When I finally joined the workforce, almost every person I worked with, both young and old, had an MBA. At this point, we were competing with B-School graduates from elite institutions. They were getting the big bucks.

Now, don’t go thinking that this is the answer to you prayers.

A couple of years into my career, my measly salary increased by almost 300%. My elite school graduate colleague had his bumper paycheck slashed by over 50% because of performance issues. At the end of the day, your career, if you pursue it, will last you a minimum of 35 years. So, ensure you play the long game.

What’s going to take you through it is commitment, consistency, and how you respond to the challenges that come your way, both personally and professionally, because those are the only things that are in your control. They illustrate the depths of your character. They are integral to you. Exercise them. Be true to yourself.

Be a lawyer if that’s your calling. Open a bakery if that’s what you prefer. Travel the world if that’s your desire. Become a social media influencer and brand endorser if that’s where your heart lies. Just be you. Do the one thing that only you can do. The money will follow, so long as you follow that path which is uniquely you. Remember that there is no one else in the world like you. Therefore, no one else can be you or do the things you do.

We are privileged to live in a time that allows us to explore, understand and express our unique identity. You may not know who you are, just who you aren’t. That’s okay. You have more avenues of discovery and exploration than any generation before you. You have free will and support structures that allow you to do this. Of course, there are always going to be haters who wish to silence you.

But there are equally as many people who will support you and raise you up. You just have to find them and let their voices ring louder in your head.

We live in a time that allows active dialogue, that allows us to decide who we want to be. This privilege is built on the shoulders of generations of outliers who fought for this right. Honor their struggle for your opportunity and do it for all those who didn’t have the opportunity or the courage to do it themselves. Aspire to be the truest version of yourself and it will inspire those who haven’t yet given themselves the permission to do the same.

You never know where you might end up, where life will take you. After all, that’s now how life works. You cannot plan every aspect of life and expect it to work out. All any of us can do is try. Give it your all. If it works, great! If it doesn’t, no one can ever accuse you of not trying.

My father was a hardworking man. He rose to ranks beyond those deemed capable of him, given his educational qualifications. At the onset of his 50th birthday, he was set to become Executive Vice President of a Fortune 500 company, something no one with his background had yet to achieve. A few months short of his promotion, however, he suffered a heart attack. It was stress induced. He had to undergo surgery, and then many months of bed rest. After that, he decided to take it easy at work, forgoing his promotion.

A few years later, my mother fell gravely ill. I was on the precipice of entering the workforce myself and my father had already built an illustrious career, with many years left. But my mother needed looking after – 24 hour care.

It was a call we had to take as a family – should I delay the start of my career? Should my father give up all that he had worked for? There’s never a right answer.

My father finally decided that family was more important to him, and it was my time to make waves in the corporate world. Without another thought, he quit his job five years before he was set to retire. He sacrificed not just his career, but a million dreams of his ow and those that he had seen with my mother.

You see, my parents come from a generation that believed in working hard, raising a family and saving for retirement. Duty and sacrifice were the tenets of their existence.

My father is a self-made man. For much of my childhood, I only saw him over the weekend. But I always heard him talking fondly about traveling across Europe for six months with my mother and I. But there was always a reason to push this dream – either work or my education or health.

With my mother’s sickness, which she continues to battle even today, my father has devoted all his time and efforts to her care. His own dreams and hopes for his retirement pushed further and further into a tight, dark little box in the back of his mind.

The choices and sacrifices my father made left me in want for nothing. His successes meant that I had a privileged upbringing. This privilege also meant that I could accomplish things that my father only dreamed about. His way of life, however, also taught me about the weight of regret, about prioritizing my dreams and making choices that I can live with.

This is much of the story of most of my generation, because we were all raised my people who shared similar values as my father. Most did what they HAD to do, rather than what they WANTED to do. Therefore, it is our duty to them to be the truest versions of ourselves.

Our parents might have their own hopes and dreams for us. These might be different from our own. Nonetheless, at the end of the day, however deep down, they want nothing more than to see us happy and fulfilled in our own lives, however misguided their attempts at showing us this maybe.

You see, my parents wanted me, as an adult to save as much money as I can. Buy a house, get married and have children. I’m inching close to 30 years of age. By this time, they at least expected me to be married. Over 80% of the people I know, my age or younger by up to 5 years are married. Some even have a child or two.

I, on the other hand, have very little savings to my name, a career that is blossoming, a plethora of skills and interests I actively pursue and a decade’s worth of travel under my belt. My parents are worried about me, but I couldn’t be more fulfilled with my life.

It is safe to say that my parents do not agree with over 80% of my life choices –

Ø They wanted me to be an engineer. I have a degree in psychology. My MBA was our compromise.

Ø They wanted me to continue a career in product marketing. I went back to my roots as a leadership facilitator and coach.

Ø They wanted me to get married. The very thought makes me shudder; I can’t even remember the last time I was in a relationship.

Ø They wanted me to invest in a house. Since the beginning of my career, I have spent at least 30% of my annual salary on traveling around the world; I’ve been to 15 countries so far.

And then there are the smaller things –

Ø They were against me getting a tattoo. I currently have two, with plans for another one soon.

Ø They didn’t want me posting pictures of myself with alcohol (what will people say? P.S.: I’m Indian). For a very long time, every aspect of my life was on social media.

These are only a few of the things that my parents and I disagreed on. Nonetheless, my parents are proud of the person I have become and happy to see me live my truest life. Society still talks. My own family doesn’t fully understand what I or the company I work for does. But the people that matter to me support me, and that is more than I can ask for.

Everyone has their opinions. The only ones that matter are your own – Are you happy with the choices you are making? Can you live with them even if that means you’re not as successful as you thought you’d be? Even if you aren’t as successful as others?

Remember, it is the long game, and each of us will be given our dues at the right time. Live your own life, not someone else’s, or the life someone else wants you to live. In doing the latter, you will feel like an imposter in your own skin throughout your existence.

But I must warn you. This isn’t your happy ending. Everyday, you will face challenges and you will have your own struggles to deal with. The journey towards living your most authentic life is never ending and never easy. There will be days where you want to give up; days where you will want someone to just give you the answers; days where you just want to do nothing.

These are offset by days that are amazing; days that you feel incredibly accomplished; days where you feel highly motivated. Remember those days. They will carry you to the finish line, so long as you set realistic expectations of the world around you.

We are raised to believe we can be anything we want to be, do anything we want to do. That part is true. But don’t go expecting gold stars all the time. Sometimes, your greatest accomplishments may go unnoticed, may be criticized even. You have to learn to let it roll off your back. This is a life skill that we’re never taught. We simply have to learn it on our own.

So, set high expectations for yourself, higher than you think yourself capable. Be your harshest critic and your biggest cheerleader. Just don’t have the same expectations of the world around you.

I learnt this the hard way.

I did well at university – high markets, top grades, quality projects that I am proud of even today; classmates constantly seeking my help and teachers telling me I will do well in life. Like most stupid teenagers, I couldn’t wait to be an adult. I thought I would kill it.

The third day into my internship had all the misguided notions I had about myself knocked out of me. I realized quickly that I was a miniscule drop in a vast ocean. I was insignificant, inexperienced and had a helluva lot more to learn. Since then, it has been my pursuit in life to continuously learn, both about myself and the world around me. The more I learn, the greater the realization of just how little I actually know.

Self-awareness, I learnt, is very important. It is also a life-long pursuit and a complex task. This is something most people don’t understand, and therefore, is a common point of ridicule by people towards those younger than them.

Fact: It is experience that brings maturity, not age.

Now, I am in no way propogating that angsty, disrespecting teenagers who think they know it all are right. I was a teenager once, we all were, and we can all tell you that teenagers don’t know nearly as much as they think they do. But you will only be in a position to agree with me when you’ve gained more experience.

As an only child, I have been coddled most of my childhood, to the point where most people around me considered to be spoilt and naïve. It’s easy to make those judgments. Most people will judge you. They don’t know your truth. And, I am guilty of letting those opinions get to me.

When I moved to a different country to study, I didn’t really think that decision through. As a result I wasn’t as prepared as I considered myself to be. So, naturally, almost immediately, I called my parents, sobbing. My father offered to drop everything and bring me back home. But I was stubborn. I had fought for this privilege and I was going to see it through.

I cried every night that first month –

Ø I cried every time I felt lonely or alone

Ø I cried every time I had to do something that I had never done before

Ø I even cried because I thought my can opener was broken

In hindsight, my mother treated me with kid gloves on, encouraging the smallest tasks that I did on my own, which scores of other people have been doing for ages.

Eventually, I got through it and I came out on the other side stronger, with more experience and maturity, and a lifetime of memories and friendships. There were, of course, may ups and downs along the way – good days and bad. Overall, however, it was a positive experience. What made it positive though was my outlook.

For everything that went badly, for every time I failed, I looked at them as learning opportunities – as teachable moments some would say. That is what truly strengthens you – what you take away from any experience, good or bad, and how you apply it to make your life better.

The years that followed this experience were some of the hardest years of my life. So many things went wrong, and they were out of my control to fix. I couldn’t change the outcome, but I could dictate for myself how I responded to these situations and experiences.

I’ve been through some of the most horrific experiences anyone could ever go through, many of which happened at the same time. I’ve experience more in my 20s that most people do in their lifetimes. I’d like to think that I have come out of them stronger, braver, and with a better grasp of self awareness and understanding; making choices along the way, most of them difficult, but all of them that I can live with.

At the end of the day, that is all any of is can truly ask of ourselves, in our careers and in life – be committed, be consistent, be self-aware and be true to yourself, and you will come out the other side braver, stronger and with a sense of achievement beyond what you conceived possible!

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