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shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

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One thing I didn’t expect from my new worldbuilding book is the author, roughly my dad’s age, including his opinions on furries

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Fuck moon’s taking poison damage

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just overheard my wife spelling something on the phone and i shit you not saying the words “E as in Eeyore” i am on my hands and knees wailing screaming crying pleading and begging people to learn the NATO phonetic alphabet

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So, something I learnt the other day. So, you know how dinosaurs supposedly can't see you if you stand still? Well that myth is based on real-life lizards/etc and how eyes in general work. So, once my dad starts infodumping, here comes some other cool information. We, humans, can in fact, also not see something unless it's moving. We fixed this by having our eyes constantly shake. And then our brain compensates for us, so we don't have to have shaky vision.

What if aliens don't have this? Like. What if they find out when one of us was looking at something in the distance, and they walk around this thing that's in front of them, and the alien is confused so they bob their head and oh, there's a thing there, but how did the human know that, and then we explain and they're like, horrified.

Humans are apex predators. They can hunt in packs. They can hunt in pairs. They can hunt on their own. They're persistance predators, which is unheard of. They get stronger when they're mad or scared. They have this thing called 'body language' which acts like a type of hivemind, even if they'll claim it isn't. And. They can see you. When you're not moving. They can still see you. If you ever find yourself in a fight against a human, for whatever reason? Run. Run as fast as you can. And hope, pray if you have a religion, that they won't follow.

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Okay so no physicists have commented yet, I’m going to give you the real answer of the anniversary of the Big Bang.

Let’s say you could teleport back to the Big Bang with a indestructible, perfect atomic clock. You could conceivably pick the clock back up now, read the days and divide by 365.2422 and you’d have an accurate date of the the anniversary of the Big Bang.

Now the issue is that you want the clock to end up sitting on earth when you get back to today - for example, it’s no good if the clock ends up stuck in orbit around a distant star.

Since you’re very smart you manage to think of a way around this. You figure out what atoms and particles from the Big Bang that are going to eventually form the earth and you decide to glue your atomic clock to the side of an atom (for the purpose of this experiment, your clocks are invisible, microscopic and weight zero kg). You’re also very thorough and have a lot of clocks so you decide to glue an atomic clock to every single atom that makes up the earth, just to get a good read out.

Why do you find when you get back to 2024 and read all the clocks?

You find every single clock is different.

You see, time isn’t solid - it stretches, speeds up and slows down depending things like relative speed and gravitational fields. Every atom in earth experienced a different path in the 14 billion years before they got to earth. Every atom will have experienced a different length of time to get to now and all lengths are true and valid. And 14 billion years is plenty of time for the date to be smeared out between the earth atoms, pretty much evenly. Some of those atoms could have experienced billions of years less than other atoms, even if they were created at exactly the same time.

As such, when you divide the clocks by 365.2422 you’re going into get every single day on the calendar, and that’s the answer.

The anniversary of the Big Bang is every day on the calendar for approximately 1/365th of the atoms that make up you, the earth, your mom and your pet turtle, Alan.

Happy birthday!

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Apple propaganda notwithstanding, the reason tower PCs are big isn’t because they’re outdated. The reason tower PCs are so bulky is because they’re designed to be user serviceable. The case has lots of open space so your big, meaty hands can easily access all of the components, and everything is secured with friction-fit tabs and standard machine screws to minimise the need for specialised tools. A properly laid out tower PC is fully serviceable with a single Phillips-head screwdriver and no greater manual skill than your average Lego playset – heck, for some of the more modern case layouts you don’t even need the screwdriver, unless you’re performing major surgery like a full motherboard replacement.

Like, think about who benefits from convincing you that a fully modular computing device that can be serviced and repaired with your bare hands and minimal technical skill is unfashionable.

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The author's poorly disguised fetish

The author's proudly displayed fetish

The author's fetish you're pretty sure they don't realise they have

The author's fetish which they're firmly convinced everyone has and is just pretending otherwise

The author's non-sexual special interest which just sounds like a fetish because of their habitually unfortunate phrasing

The fetish the author is making a well-meaning effort to cater to in spite of clearly not understanding it themselves

The author's fetish that never quite makes it into the text because they keep getting sidetracked by the requisite worldbuilding

The author's utterly pedestrian sexual preference which the text treats like a bizarre fetish because they've got shit to work through

The author's seemingly innocuous recurring trope they're going to have a personal revelation about ten years down the road

The author's fetish you missed on a first reading because it's so far out of pocket, it never occurred to you that you could sexualise that

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my dnd party has run into an npc who may or may not be evil and may or may not decide to betray us and the dm was in chat today like “just so everyone knows…not addressing this comment at anyone in particular…his favorite colors are red and black…wink” so now i’m desperately trying to get a real physical friendship bracelet done before session tomorrow in the vain hope that i can somehow stop this npc from trying to do a murder on my party

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Edward Gorey - Doubtful Guest, 1979

via 23 Skidoo

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I saw somebody be wrong on the internet and I didn’t respond (don’t want to get involved) and I’m being SO brave about it

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As a treat I went and finished(??) a new enemy, she's pretty tough! She's also the only enemy atm that doesn't have placeholder sounds from some other game, those horrific screams are all me!

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via

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REPOST AND SPREAD THE WORD

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I regret to inform you all that as of this commission I have officially "Made It."

Merry Christmas, Murrlogic

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For some reason, it never occurred to me that Project Gutenberg would have public domain old cookbooks. This is BRILLIANT. There’s a 1953 cranberry recipe pamphlet and a suffrage cookbook from 1915 and a translation of Apicus’s guide to food in Imperial Rome and a whole bunch of other fascinating old cookbooks, many pre-1800. Treasure trove!