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“Always treat people with love and respect, because one day, when you’re old - your looks will fade and all you will have is your pure soul.”

— Unknown

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i never realized healing would be more painful than being broken.

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My sister gave me an entire tin of my favourite crayon colour

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“Don’t live in the past” okay well the people i loved are there.

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I think i need to go to a mental hospital but I have to many things to do

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Im so tired of trying and of being me. I want a future that doesnt get scheduled over

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another time future plans with a friend gets removed

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im having such friend luck recently, the other days plans get pushed back until the day was over so I sat the entire day waiting in anticipation for something that didn't occur, took days off of work and drove hours to not even see my friend, im so fucking tired and fed up with this but I want to patience and kind and be the person everyone needs

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I scheduled 2 days off of work and drove 2 hours to hang out with someone for me to be left alone in their living room for 3 hours so far and I've already cried but it does nothing

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I feel myself going numb again and im so tired

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I can't keep being like this and I can't keep doing this to others

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I think I've given up, I dont see anything being achievable for me so im just gonna continue using all my time for others until I die or collapse of exhaustion which im already close to

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im expecting to burnout, not like a phoenix but more like a car who spent it's last but of life getting you to your destination. I need to move away and I need to escape but I can't so I will burn out

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I think grief is hitting me like a train and I dont want to get off the tracks

a part of me believes i deserve the train hitting me and possibly this will finally get to the point of exhaustion where I can rest

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my dad expects that by the end of the month my grandpa will either be dead, lost himself to dementia, or hsve been put in a nursing home

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I exhale as steam comes out, these emotions have compressed this air and I can do nothing but what it leave

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I am in my room, A Bon iver vinyl is playing. The only light comes from the salt lamp my grandma used to love. The tears feel like they need to come but they don't