artofthedevouredheart

[artofthedevouredheart]

Not enough

[artofthedevouredheart]

You seep into my bloodstream, thick and inescapable, curling around my thoughts like smoke. I can’t think without you clouding my mind, can’t breathe without inhaling the scent of you, can’t move without feeling the ghost of your touch anchoring me in place.

Is this love? This fever, this sickness, this sweet, suffocating intoxication? If so, I never want to be sober again.

[artofthedevouredheart]

death and rebirth

[artofthedevouredheart]

I’m incredibly annoyed with current circumstances. We agreed the other would die before we ever parted, and yet he is still living well.

I miss crying over him just for him to win our game of pretend. I adored his unpredictability. He always confused me with thoughts of a family, when I’d be a terrible father. Yet when I finally submitted he laughed at how much I’d grown to adore him.

The other wasn’t any different, he made me feel incredibly small in comparison. I adored him even if he managed to make me question every single action of mine. Scolding me when I had no power of my own.

I love the power struggle, buy it was difficult when the real power was having some moral high ground.

What am I longing for? Why do I feel so satisfied yet incomplete? It’s completely contradictory. Unexplainable. Nauseating.

Usually only Chuuya struggles with these feelings.

[artofthedevouredheart]

I suppose I should make an “intro post” of sorts.

In short:

Fyodor fictive, He/Him, any name, 18+ and dark topics; open to talking to sourcemates

More in depth below ⇣⇣

I am Fyodor, a fictive from Bungo Stray Dogs, but you can use whatever name you see fit (as long as it not demeaning in any way.) Traditionally I use he/him pronouns, but I don’t particularly care about it. Perceive me how you wish.

Considering the system I am from is 20, I’d prefer 18+ interactions.

I use this blog as mostly a means of getting out my thoughts, especially in regard to losing someone I held dear. I tend to talk about not particularly savory topics (death, corpses, ect) for the sake of dramatics.

My system likes to refer to me as the “dead dove” alter, in reference to “dead dove: do not eat”.

I’m particularly fond of dark literature, poetry, psychology, and of course Nikolai once before. I also have an odd fascination with Dazai even now.

I am open to speaking to anyone from source if they wish to talk to me, please don’t be intimidated I’m not exactly judgmental.

If you wish to speak to others, Chuuya is in the midst of making his own blog @betrayed-sorrows along with us having Dazai, Ranpo, and both of the Akutagawa siblings. Dazai and Chuuya are not close in our system, so don’t worry too much about that. Depending on circumstances Sigma might be here as well (who now goes by Salem, I’m unsure if he’s dormant)

Our system “masterblog” is @viperous-system

[artofthedevouredheart]

Oh how I miss my lovely dove, I can’t help but long for him despite everything. I would gladly welcome him back with open arms in any way he would so choose. And if he were to wish to kill me, I’d of course continue our little play and allow him to continue to try. And if one of us may perish, I’d be more than happy knowing it was one another.