arushisachdeva31

[arushisachdeva31]

Our relationship with out mother is probably one of the most important one in our life. Personally, it is THE most important one for me. I grew up taking inspiration from my mother in everything I did. It’s safe to say, I’m not half the person that she is but nonetheless, I try!

I don’t know any woman who is as hardworking, dedicated, motivating, inspiring, and balanced as my mother. She brought up 2 kids amidst financial burdens, doing two jobs, pursuing and completing a Ph.D. and taking care of everything in the house, with support from my father of course. The two of them are a beautiful, perfect pair. We’ve grown up seeing our parents be best friends. They’ve supported each other through everything despite their unavoidable arguments. We’ve always paired up into father-daughter and mother-son and taken these teams very seriously in almost everything we do at home. Even if it’s to decide a place to eat! However, even though I’ve always been papa’s girl, today, this note is dedicated to my terrific, fantastic mother.

For those who don’t know her, Dr. Suman Sachdeva is a lady of substance who has always believed in taking leaps in her life- be it for her career or personally. Seeing her work so hard in her professional life and balancing it by giving us the prefect upbringing, we’ve always been proud of her. We do things in our life so our parents can be proud, but today, both of us- my brother and I are very proud of her. Our mum worked as an Education Specialist at UNICEF India and has now accepted a new position as a UN International diplomat and will be moving to Sierra Leone, Africa to work there for sometime. She has always received support and encouragement from papa and I know that his support is the reason she has been able to take such a brave decision. It’s not easy for any woman to leave her house, her husband, parents, relatives, friends and the comfort of your own home and move to a different, alien country. Our parents sent both their kids to the US to study and so we could make our lives. We have been here for the past few years and are settling down in our own lives. I remember when we were leaving, we both received encouragement and support from both our parents. Today, I want to give the same encouragement and support to our mother for taking this big step.

Mumma, first thing that you need to know is that we are incredibly proud of you. Not many people get such an opportunity and your hard work really paid off. I know you think this is one of the biggest challenges in your life and that you are going to be leaving everyone behind. I know you are always worried about your decision and think about them being okay without you and how they would manage and take care of themselves. Just know, everyone has each other back home. You are going there and will be alone and discovering a whole new side of yourself. Believe me, you’re going to love it. Look forward to that! Think about yourself because everyone is going to be together back home to take care of each other. The best part- Papa has always encouraged you to take this step. Believe him when he says he will be fine and will take care of everyone, all the grandparents and himself. Moving to a new country is never easy. I know you’re anxious, scared and always doubting your decision but believe me, this is the best and the bravest step you have taken. You have inspired your children to do great things in life. We want to be like you! Look at Adit and how far he’s come! He’s become a wonderful, wise young man. He takes such good care of his sister who is 6 years older than him! You truly have been a great inspiration. I try to be like you too! In many things I think I already am but there are several others I still have to work on.

Don’t be scared mumma. Be proud of yourself. Look ahead. It is going to be a new life, a new beginning, a new chapter. Everyone around you is supportive. I will take care of everything and you can trust me. I will take on this responsibility and make you proud. You have nothing to worry about. You will retire in a few years and I personally don’t know anyone who would have achieved such great heights professionally and secure their future. I can’t say this enough- I am proud of you.

Secondly, thank you. This thank you is much deeper than you think it is. Thank you for making us laugh, loving us and our flaws, making life difficult sometimes so that we could only come back stronger, gentler, and more focused. Thank you for giving us everything we ever wanted, making us respect our work, people, and ourselves. Thank you for instilling the confidence in us that we can be something when we put in our heart and soul into it, thank you for making us go that extra mile, always. Thank you, because I finally feel like I am slowly becoming more and more like you who God gave as an example of someone striving to be more and more perfect.

Mumma, I love you. I love you so much and I know I don’t call and tell you that enough but I really do. Sometimes, when I’m alone at home and about to sleep, I think of you. I think about how I can be more like you. I almost put an alarm for 5 am just so I can wake up early like you, go for a walk and have a cup of tea before I leave for office..but I still fail at that :P I talk about you to my friends all the time and I know how inspired almost all of them feel even if they haven’t met you.

I am proud of you. I know you are proud of me too but I am proud to be your daughter. I am beyond proud of how hard you have worked to get where you are. Your courage, determination, commitment and hard work to raise a family and work is remarkable. You always know when something is wrong, you know me inside out. You know exactly when I’m feeling low, or unwell. I will never forget the support you have given me throughout my life. Been there when I needed you the most. I will never forget that you flew down to Florida when I needed you so much. You just knew. I miss you. I miss it when you give me butter toast in bed when I’m unwell. You are the best doctor, best counselor who listens to ever word and responds with the best words of encouragement and guidance. You are my best supporter and have always had a special way of encouraging and motivating me. I’m really proud of you- more than you know- of the impact you have had in the lives of SO many people. Thank you for letting me know that you are always a phone call away. Thank you for teaching me that love is unconditional. It has taken me moving to a different country to realize this, but mumma, you truly are my best friend. I could not have imagined taking the decision to get married if it wasn’t for you reassuring me through every step with every word. I look forward to a relationship with Shivam that is just like yours and Papa’s. I want to be just like you. You are indescribable and the best mother that a child could ask for. You are my role model. I wish that someday I am half the mother that you are and my kids are able to look up to me the way I do to you. I love you and I will always be there for you with open arms, just as you have been there for me.

I cherish you.

Love you.

Your baby girl forever

[arushisachdeva31]

An open letter to my best friend who is expecting her first baby..

Dear Amni,

I really wasn’t hopeful or even expecting to meet someone like you when God decided to make us meet. I had my friends, my people and had made peace with everything around me. I really didn’t think I needed new meaningful friendships and it didn’t seem like I really needed anybody new.

Thank god that didn’t happen! Sometimes you meet people and you just know that you’re going to be friends with them. You weren’t one of those either haha! I didn’t even imagine that you’d be that person for whom I’d be writing a letter like this. Thank you for taking a chance on our friendship, and thank you for allowing me to do the same. I didn’t realize this would be the most impactful friendship in my entire life.

Thank you for being real with me and not sugar coating things. Thank you for meeting me after 2 years and giving me the essential reality check and just “fixing” me. Meeting you after such a long time, despite talking to you every other day was imperative. It changed how I had been approaching life and living miserably for no reason. Thank you for loving me through my mistakes and supporting me in my decisions, even if it isn’t always the decision you would make. Thank you for wanting the best for me, and for making that your true intent behind the words that you say to me, whether they be constructive criticism or encouragement. Thank you for being a complete idiot with me. Thank you for seeing the importance of our friendship. Thank you for making time in your schedule for us to just facetime, even if it means risking our lives and facetiming while driving, or eat burrito’s when we meet, or sit on the beach and listen to music that emotionally wrecks us.

You’re one of a kind. You’re a shoulder to lean on. You’re a safe place. You’re a free spirit. You’re rough and tough, but your heart melts for the people you love and it’s obvious. You are worth loving. You pursue people. You are passionate (about a lot of crap :P). I really thank God that for some reason you continue to choose to be in my life. Thank you for literally dragging me up my mountains of fear when I want to stay exactly where I am at and wallow in the sadness. You bring true joy wherever you go. You are my best friend, confidant, and biggest fan. You will be the Maid of Honor, Godmother, and the best “Masi”.

Thank you for making Best friends forever more than a phrase, and for making that a reality. You are truly the best friend I could have asked for. You make life more fun, and I couldn’t thank God more for making an incredible human, friends with me.

You are having your first baby which is extra amazing because I will get all the joy and cuddles of a delightful newborn bubble of squishiness to fall in love with. Amni, you’ve got this. I know you’re worried. I know you’re scared. All that lies before you right now is one big, amazing and terrifying mystery. You’re wondering what kind of mother you’re going to be and if you’re going to be a good one. What I know for sure is that you’ve got this. And I think we both can safely say that there’s nobody who knows you the way I do. So, trust me.

You’re going to be amazing. I’ve seen you. Whereas you question yourself (like we all do), wondering whether you’ll be a good mother, I have no doubt about it. The human being that you are, you are kind, loving and fun. You’ll be all these things and so much more Don. Also, Don is lucky because I’m going to be the khala!!! More than that, I know Don will drive you nuts and you will tend to be a push-over mom, but then that’s what you have me for. Even if it’s on facetime, we’ll make sure the impact is massive. Haha!

I am going to rock khalahood. I will love your baby. You know how you’ve loved me? How I’ve loved you? I want you to know that if I could be, I’d be walking the halls of the hospital while you’re in labor- pacing, worried, excited. Drinking chai and hogging on pizza. Wanting to be the first person who you and Mekail introduce your little human to when Don is born.

I’m so proud of you. I want you to know that no matter how you do it, I’ll be proud of you. If Don sleeps well or doesn’t. If you never complain about being exhausted or complain every single day. If you implement a routine or if you take each day as it comes and wing it. I’ll be proud of you no matter how you do it, no matter how well you cope, no matter how many times you feel like you’re failing. Because you won’t fail. Not in any way. And I’ll be proud. Because I’m invested.

I’m not going anywhere. I want to tell you that I am your family. I’ve never had a sister but I know that even if I did, I’d still like you better. And I’ll always be here. I want to tell you that we will always be us. Hilarious, ridiculous, fabulous us. Clueless, crazy, loving, dreamers with secrets that no one needs to know about. Old enough to know better, but having too much fun to care. There may be more to you now, but we will still be you and me.

So much about life is about to change for you. But one thing will remain the same. Us. You’re my best friend. You’re having a baby!

You’ve got this. I love you, till death do us part.

P.S. I can see the glow :*

[arushisachdeva31]

She Gave Me Wings

Dear Mom,

This is the first time in 25 years that we’re not together on all important occasions and festivals- our birthday’s, Diwali, holi, kanjak, janamashtami, father’s day, and mother’s day. I don’t think I realized the value of being with you on all these days until now. Being far away has made me realize what I am missing out on now. Hope you had a great day. I’m glad at least one of us was with you today. Thank you Adit for not being useless! I’m kidding :P

Mom, you and dad have made us who we are today. Thank you for showering us with your love, affection, care, patience, kindness, scary eyes, and just about all the emotions I fail to describe in words right now (Yes, I have limited vocabulary). You have taught us how to be independent and face challenges. When we struggle, we don’t think twice before calling you up. Thank you for always being available and helping us deal with everything sitting miles away. Sometimes I crave a hug from you so much. I wish I could just lie down on the extremely comfortable sofa in the family room and keep my head on your lap and just watch TV. Only I know how much I miss all those moments now.

We’ve been bad sometimes. But all kids are bad. We haven’t been awful though! Sometimes maybe. Sorry we lied to you about studying and ran to our rooms when we heard your car back up outside the house. Haha! Thank you for putting up with all those things we’ve done and helping us become better human beings. It’s because of you I’m able to walk out confidently knowing I’m not a bad person. Thank you for helping me become who I am. I have reached this far in my life only because of your support and your belief in me. Thank you for everything mom. You are the reason I’m living my dream today despite paying the price of not having you, dad and ady around physically all the time. Irrespective, just knowing that you’re always there for me and have my back, I sleep (whenever I do, stupid insomnia!) peacefully at night. You have always stood by me, always lent an ear to my arguments and problems, no matter how trivial they might seem and how busy you may be. 

Thank you mom for always attempting to keep us happy, safe, and protected.  Thank you for looking out for us even when we didn't think we needed it and for letting us fall when we had to learn by making our own mistakes. 

I live alone mom. Miles away from you, dad and Ady. I miss you a lot. I tried to do up my house just like you would do it. When you visited me, you have no idea how I felt. Everything seemed perfect. The way you decorated the flowers, fixed the few things I did, cooked so much food and froze it so that when you’re not there, I have food to eat, and just everything else. Thank you for being so wonderful. I don’t think there’s anyone else like you. You’ve taught us so much.

I remember that first letter you wrote to me when I was 17. I will never forget that letter. In such an amazing way you communicated your feelings and made me realize where I went wrong. I remember the impact that letter had on my life and how I transformed. You’re absolutely amazing. I wish I had a knack with words like you do! They work like magic. I just want to thank you and acknowledge all those years you’ve spent nurturing Adit and me with all the love, care and well deserved scoldings. It’s unbelievable how “1, 2, anddd…3” still works on us. I’m 25! And I’m dying to know the consequence if we don’t listen to you! Ughh.

You work like a super human, multitasking all the time! It’s crazy how you manage work, us, and your health, all at the same time. Mom, your health always worries me. I just hope you always remain healthy because I haven’t seen anyone as dedicated as you to actually take such good care of yourself. I hate that you have to go through so much. I don’t know how you manage all the workouts and yoga and gardening, and family, and office and dad and us! But, you always calm my anxieties by saying that this is what makes you feel alive everyday. I remember as a child when you would scold me and I’d be upset especially when my punishment involved counting backwards from 50 in the bathroom without crying. But as I reached adulthood, I realized that all that scolding and nagging was to make a better person out of me. You have always been my best friend and guide, whispering into my ears words of wisdom and encouragement. It is because of you that I have always felt so secure and was always ensured that if ever I was to take a wrong decision in life, you would be there to bring me back. It is your confidence and hopefulness that always gave me the encouragement and confidence to go on in life. 

Thank you for making my favourite dishes and watch me eat and relish every bite. It’s true I bake better cakes than you but let’s be honest, I learnt it from you :P

I want you to know that you mean the world to me! I don’t know what I would do without you. Sharing and your honest opinion about everything throughout have taught me so many precious lessons about life. You have made me the person I am today, professionally and personally. Thank you for being my friend, my supporter, counselor, savior, cook, doctor, dreamer, encourager, and the pillar that always stood by me through thick and thin. It wouldn’t surprise me if you sometimes feel under-appreciated and over-worked. But you are the first person I have always called my whole life, to celebrate or to cry.

Mom, just know, Adit and I always have each other. Whatever we have learnt, we have learnt from you. We have seen you go through so much in life. Managing and sustaining relationships is a skill we’ve learnt from you. We have seen you be an amazing daughter, wife, sister, chachi, masi, bua, but most of all, seen you be the best mother. I assure you, Adit and I will always have each other. I promise.

You taught us to be honest, appreciative and loving. Thank you for teaching me to be neat and tidy, and now it’s resulted in OCD :P Haha! Thank you for teaching me to try to see the best in people. You have instilled in me a love for people, travel, flowers, dance, food, and so many other things. 

Thank you for the thousands of time you took care of me when I was sick. Till date when I fall sick, I think of the time you would make tave wala toast with adrak tulsi chai. I miss you mom. Thank you for the everyday phone calls and always making sure everything is right. Still, to this day, you spoil me and I am extremely grateful for it. 

Thank you for the endless stories, songs, hanuman chalisa, and games when I was young, and the endless conversations and support now that I am older. Thank you for putting up with my fish crawl, my know-it-all teenage years, and my sometimes insane emotional roller coasters currently. Life has been difficult and there have been times when I've felt like giving up, when things were not going my way. Each time, you were there to remind me of my worth as a human being. Just trust me, everything is fine, because of YOU. You have always been there. I know I can pick up the phone and call you, even if I have to call your phone, papa, the landline or on the magic jack. You have waited and been worried and had endless concerns. Yet, you put up with everything! Thank you for the limitless hugs, kisses, and for the support I receive from you every single day. I know you tell me I’m adopted but I know I am TRULY YOURS. As I get older, I realize more and more how much you have done for me and continue to do every day. Although I am growing into my own person, I will always need you.

I have always said that I want to raise my children exactly the way I was raised. But then again I don’t think they’ll be as cute and awesome as me :P Your children have turned out pretty great last time I checked. I pray that I can be the example that you have been to us. I love you maa, thank you for sacrificing so much for me. Our walks (rare :P), tears, grocery store trips, and chai/wine sessions are never taken for granted and are some of my favorite memories.

You’re a role model mom. I cannot thank you and dad enough for being who you have been to us. For giving us everything and teaching us so many things in life. Many mothers and daughters do not have the kind of relationship we share, and I always feel really lucky.

Most people tell me I’m so much you. I feel so good when I hear that. I’ve always aspired to be just like you and each time someone says, “Arushi, you’re so much like your mother”, I feel wonderful! I love that we can talk about anything and have crazy laughs. Mom, I will protect you as you protect me. I will have your back like you’ve had mine, and I will always be your not-so-small-me!

You are amazing. You’re smart, beautiful, wise and so talented. It's nice to know that I have the potential somewhere in my genes to probably one day be as awesome as you. You’re my expert-in-everything, and my very best friend. 

Through all these years and many more to come, you have taught me how to be me. Although, even today, when I see “11:11”, I always make a wish that I could stay under your wings a little longer! Mom, I love you, and no words are enough to explain my love for you.

I miss your early morning angry look when Adit and I don’t wake up early and you just walk into our room, give us “that” look and leave. Haha! I Love You. I miss that you would take out the lizards from my room. I miss eating kadi chawal and tori and baked potatoes, and all the things you’ve ever cooked! I even miss the times you forcefully made me watch Aahat :/ I miss you mom. You’re too far away and I’m crying now. I love you – it doesn’t get said often.

Love,

Arushi

P.S. Stop crying!! Call me now. <3

[arushisachdeva31]

Friends Beyond Borders: How I made it to Pakistan for my Best Friend’s Wedding

This post is nearly 2 years late. But, better late than never..

How I made friends from Pakistan is a long story in itself so I wouldn’t dwell into that right now. The fact is, that I have friends from Pakistan, and they are very dear to me. Amna and Osama. The two friends who’ve been like no other. They’re my best friends.

March 2015 had been decided for Amna’s wedding. We had made plans almost a year in advance about how I’m going to be a part of her big day. We discussed how I would dress her up, have chai, eat pizza, how she would make the chicken boneless for me sitting on the stage during her wedding functions, cry at her ruksati, drop me back at wagah so I could walk back to my country and what not! We had such big plans! Who knew that the rivalry between our countries would create unbelievable problems to even obtain a visa. I tried very hard to get a visa for Pakistan because I wanted to attend my BEST FRIEND’s wedding. I called the Pakistan embassy in Delhi at least 20 times only to hear “ji visa sirf blood relation walo ko hee diya jaataa hai” and then they would hang up on me. One day I decided to call and say that I want to go visit a relative. Finally they told me what documents I need in order to get a visa. Immediately I called up Amna (on facetime of course :P) and asked her to arrange the documents and post them to me as soon as possible. The documents reached me and I decided to apply for the visa. I will never forget that day. I was outside the embassy at sharp 9 am. The doors were closed and they didn’t open it till 10:15. I stood there and made conversations with the gentleman standing behind me. He was going to visit his sister and said “aapka visa lagna mushkil hai”. I still stood there with hope. Something inside me didn’t let me move. As soon as the doors opened, they called the first 30 people in line to enter. It was a long queue! And the others who had to wait would have had to wait for another hour at least! As soon as I reached inside, I was the first one to enter the room with many officials who were sitting ready to interrogate and grant visa. It was my turn. A man, well dressed, sitting on the opposite side asked me “kyun jaanaa chahti hai aap pakistan?”. I replied, confidently, “apni dost ki shaadi ke liye”. He looked up at me with big eyes and said “DOST ki shaadi?” I replied “Ji”. He was startled and started asking me a lot of questions. “Pakistan mein kaise dost bana liye aapne?”, “Aur kisko jaanti ho unke ghar mein?”, “Pehle gayi ho?”, “Shaadi ka card dikhao”, “Ghar mein kaun kaun hai?”, “Mother Father kya karte hai?”, “Bhai kitne saal ka hai aur kya karta hai?” “Aap kya karti hai?”. I answered them all. I had answers to everything he asked me. My documents were complete, I had the wedding invitation, sponsorship letter and everything else! He said “documents toh complete hai par aap wait kijiye. Bade saab hee batayenge kya ho sakta hai”. I decided to wait. He kept my documents and the passport. I was asked to wait outside. I had all eyes on me. People were asking me why I was asked to wait and when I explained, they said, “Arrey wah! Par mushkil hee hota hai humare desho ke beech aanaa jaanaa”. I sat patiently, a little worried and nervous. I felt a chill in my spine but still waited. The “bade sahab” took 40 minutes to come. As soon as he came, I was asked to proceed to his room. He sat me down and asked me exactly the same questions. After I answered them all, he saw all the papers. Then he looked at me and asked, “sach mein jaanaa chahti hain?”. I said “ji”. My eyes became watery. He smiled. Then he said “Chaliye aap jaayein. You can go, it’s not a problem”. I looked at him with teary eyes and said “SACH?” I had a huge smile on my face, and I knew I wasn’t concealing my excitement very well! He said, “Aap passport kal le li jiyega. You don’t have to come yourself, you can send somebody else to collect it.” Then he asked his assistant to give me the VIP sticker for passport collection. I asked him how to get to Pakistan and he said “Don’t worry, just cross the border on foot at Wagah”. I was SO happy. I experienced joy like never before. On my way out of the embassy I decided to tell Amna that the visa got rejected. I wanted to surprise her and I think I made the best decision then. I had to go for work and on my way I called her and we both abused the situation between our countries. She was so upset and I pretended to be very sad. It worked out. I wanted to surprise her entire family- Sana, Saba, Muhammad, Aunty, Uncle and everyone I could think of at that time.

I met two of Amna’s friends while we were studying in UK- Wasia and Shaan. I decided to tell them because somebody had to know! I called up Wasia and both of us shared the excitement! She was so happy and we both knew that this would probably complete Amna’s big day (Yes I was being modest but I knew she loves me as much as I love her!). 18 days of keeping the secret to myself was difficult. Not just from Amna, but even from my own grandparents. While my dadu was very happy and wanted to come along to see his country (before partition), my nani was super worried. The horrific experiences of partition are still embeded in her soul. She was worried but didn’t say anything because my parents supported me. I will never forget how supportive my parents had been through this entire time. They loved Amna. She is like a daughter to them. My mum took out her gold jewellery and decided to get it refurbished so I could gift it to Amni on the wedding. What was worrying everyone was that I was going all alone. It was hard for them but they dealt with it pretty well! I have the best parents!

Nirvan has a huge role in this process. The “Prince of Punjab” helped me so much. On the day that I had to leave, he arranged a car for me in Amritsar that dropped me at the border and the same car came to receive me from the border when I was returning.

18 days the secret lasted. 11th March is when I was leaving. Amna’s nikah was on 10th March and I couldn’t attend that because I didn’t get so many holidays from work. We facetimed the entire time while she was sitting in the mazjid, ready for her nikah. The fool had planned to say “nai qubool! Just kidding! Qubool hai!” We laughed and obviously she decided to be wise and not say that :P We cried on facetime and she said, “I really thought you were going to surprise me” and we both continued to cry. I was only thinking about how she would react when she would see me in less than 24 hours.

I took an early morning flight to Amritsar and the car came to receive me. After immigration I reached the border with butterflies in my stomach, I stepped into no-man’s land and then Pakistan. Everything seemed JUST the same as it was a minute before but yet so different. Not many people were doing what I was. We were hardly 5-6 people crossing over. I was asked at 4 points why I was going to Lahore. I proudly told everyone that I was going from Dilli to Lahore to attend my Best friends’ wedding. Everyone was surprised but seemed to be proud of me to happily enter the country that Indians are normally apprehensive to visit. I walked a long stretch to reach the parking lot from where Wasia and Shaan were coming to pick me up. I was asked to wait while the old man asked me “Aap Hindu hai aur phir bhi ek Musalman ke nikah ke liye aayi hai! Achi baat hai!”. I silently smiled. Just then I saw Wasia and Shaan. The three of us were ecstatic and couldn’t stop hugging each other! Shaan had asked me to bring “Magic Masala Chips” from India and was delighted to know that I got him 20 packs of those! Haha! We drove and in about half an hour reached Amna’s house.

Lahore was just the same as Delhi. I couldn’t spot the differences. There were cows on the road creating the same mennace I see in my hometown everyday! It was just beautiful (:P).

I entered Amna’s house and aunty with Muhammad walked out. Aunty saw me and her eyes were wide open. She was shocked and hugged me so tightly. She couldn’t believe her eyes and we both had tears. Uncle came out and said “yeh kaise?” I said, “baad mein batoongi, pehle Amna!”

Wasia called me upstairs. The house was just like one of those in Delhi! Wasia held her phone with mine and Amna’s favorite track playing and Shaan held another phone with the camera ready to record the reaction. What happened after cannot be described in words, hence the video:

https://www.facebook.com/arushi92/videos/10152614068866607/?l=2175401877036126518

This has by far been the best surprise I have ever given anyone. I realized that day what a girl from Pakistan could mean to a girl in India. The tension between our countries has never come in the way of our friendship. Not even during the cricket matches! I found a friend, sister, best friend, boyfriend, twin and my bridesmaid on the other side. I attended my Best Friend’s wedding and I can proudly say that my visit to Pakistan was not only the most memorable one, but also the BEST trip (risk/adventure) of my life.