ascnsionismx

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias settled down, preparing himself for the questions. They weren't hard to answer, mostly because he didn't really have all the answers. "I imagine it grows continuously, but it's more noticeable when I use my power, and even more so when I'm pushed to my limits. I think of it like mountains. Technically they're always growing, but we never see them. But sometimes I really strong earthquake can make a difference".

He crossed his feet under him. Magic was an interesting thing. Some of it was based in nature and all things created of the earth. There was some that dealt with blood and shadows, or even light like Rus'. Mathias' magic, and other necromancers, worked with the in between and the unnatural. "Do you know how gods are made, Rus?" He asked gently. "Some believe that gods are the natural result of the energy within our world. Like being of pure power and magic, or even emotion. Some also believe that they are made when people believe in them hard enough. Concepts and ideas can be idolized until they manifest into the divine. However they're made, one thing is true and it's that they surpass what many can conceptualize and understand. They're both natural and unnatural".

Mathias gestured to his chest, "I don't have an answer to what this is, other than it just being me. No one can tell me anything, because no one really knows". He smiled, "I have my sources. You'd be surprised how much the dead speaks in this city".

Rus felt the air shift between them as Mathias spoke, his voice steady but laced with the weight of lived experience. There was something almost too calm about the way Mathias acknowledged the rot. Rus couldn’t ignore the subtle tension in Mathias’s posture, the barely perceptible wince, the way his eyes flickered with the faintest flash of something Rus couldn’t quite name. Mathias’s words, casual as they seemed, only deepened the knot of concern in Rus’s chest. The rot wasn’t just a wound; it was an entire entity. Alive, shifting, growing. Something about the way Mathias described it made it feel more like an infection of the soul than something purely physical. Rus’s curiosity, that insistent need to understand, surged again, but he kept his expression neutral, unwilling to let too much slip.

His gaze flickered briefly to the wound again, the raw edges of skin and blackened veins. There was an unnaturalness to it that gnawed at him, something beyond just a magical affliction. The pulse of magic around Mathias, that strange, dark energy, only heightened the unease that had settled in his bones. Mathias had said the rot had been with him for years, feeding on his magic, growing as he did. The way Mathias described it, almost matter-of-fact, only deepened Rus’s sense of wariness. Something inside him was screaming to know more, to probe deeper, but he had to approach it carefully.

Rus straightened a little, not wanting to press too hard. “You said the rot grows with you. It’s tied to your power, to your magic...” he murmured, his voice low but filled with quiet intensity. “Does it always grow when you use your necromantic abilities? Or just when you push yourself to your limits?” Rus wasn't foolish enough to immediately try digging into Mathias' past. He allowed the silence to sit for a moment, but his gaze never wavered from Mathias’s chest. “I understand necromantic magic comes at a price. All magic does. I've seen burnout. I've seen curses. I've seen people making stupid agreements for power cuz they didn't read the fine print..." Rus said carefully, the words carefully measured. “But this isn't any of those things. So what is it? Has anyone been able to tell you? Cuz this is way beyond me." he frowned like he just thought of something else, "I'd also like to know who dropped my name to you. Nothing bad. I'm glad you came and that I could help a lil. But I'm just curious because I like to keep my head down."

[ascnsionismx]

"I know" Mathias said. It became pretty obvious early on that it was more than a mere wound. It grew with Mathias, and it felt alive. He learned to live with it too including the pain. As Rus tried to alleviate the pain with light, Mathias could feel it all slipping away. But there was also a weird feeling of unease that seemed to come directly from the pit on his chest. It felt like something was stirring within him which caused him to pause. Suresh had spoken about some other being living inside him, a being Mathias knew nothing about. Was that what was stirring under his skin? He hoped not.

"I didn't imagine it was something you could heal". It was part of him, like his magic was. Necromancy did often come at a cost. It wasn't cheap to steal from death after all. Mathias had read accounts of other necromancers withering away or going crazy. They would trade their own life force to continue with their magic. Liches were rather common in necromancy history. Knowing all of this, it just made sense that Mathias' rot was something more. He was more than a mere necromancer. The magic that ran through him was mixed with something divine. These were things that weren't meant for mortals. Their bodies couldn't withstand it, which was why Mathias' was in the current state that it was.

He sat up, and felt his chest then looked at the other witch. "It's fascinating what we're capable of huh? It doesn't hurt anymore for now. Thank you". He knew there would be questions, because there were always questions. How did it happen? How long had it been? What was he? "I can see you want to ask...You can ask whatever you'd like. I have no reason to hide anymore".

Rus stood over Mathias, his hands hovering just above the wounded man’s chest, the light flowing through his fingertips like a gentle stream of warmth. It was strange, the way light could soothe pain and ease suffering, but it was even stranger the way it felt in Mathias's presence... something was off about this wound, this rot. It clung to Mathias with a strength that went beyond any physical ailment Rus had encountered. It ran through his aura, through every chakra... The words Mathias spoke hit Rus in a way he didn’t expect. His polite response, the way he thanked him, it all seemed to clash against the reality of what was happening inside his body. Rus had healed enough people to know when something was wrong, and this was more than just a magical wound. This was something deeper, something dark and ancient. "You're welcome," Rus said quietly, his voice measured, but the concern underneath was evident. “The rot, it’s not just a wound...it’s... like it’s a part of you.” His hands shifted slightly, feeling the familiar pulse of light deepen, brightening the room as his focus sharpened.

As Mathias spoke about the rot’s growth, how it worsened with use of his powers or big moments of magical exertion, Rus felt a flicker of unease. Of course it gets worse when he uses his powers. The rot seemed to be tied to him... to his very essence. Something about the way Mathias’s magic interacted with this dark force was making it stronger, deeper, more entrenched. That uncertainty gnawed at Rus’s thoughts, but there was no time to dwell on it right now. He had to focus. Rus gently pressed a little more light into the wound, his breath slowing as the warmth grew, filling the room with a quiet, steady glow. It took an emotional and physical toll on Rus to heal. Healing cost. Destruction was easy. There was no way to fix the rot with just light, but his goal was to alleviate the pain, to help Mathias breathe, to give him a moment of relief. And that’s when it happened.

The moment the light began to settle in, Mathias relaxed into it, his muscles releasing tension that Rus hadn’t even realized was there. The warmth of it seemed to radiate out, touching every part of him, and for a brief moment, Mathias didn’t look like the indomitable leader of the Deathrunners. He looked... human. Vulnerable. Tired. Mathias blinked up at him, and Rus felt a flash of something unspoken pass between them. That small tie of touching another person's spirit to bring peace like a gentle summer rain. Mathias’s expression was a mix of confusion and elation, and for the briefest moment, it almost felt like a shared understanding. And Rus, though he knew exactly what he had done, wasn’t sure how to explain.

He met Mathias’s gaze, steady but with an almost imperceptible flicker of caution in his eyes. There was a question in Mathias’s voice, a genuine curiosity that Rus wasn’t sure he wanted to answer fully. “How did I do that?” Rus repeated. He hesitated, his hands still hovering over Mathias, the light still pulsing faintly. He never knew how to really explain it. “I have a way with light,” Rus said, his eyes never leaving Mathias’s. “It’s my magic. The same way you wield your necromancy, I use light to heal... or to harm. It responds to what’s needed. Has since I was a kid. And right now, it’s helping to ease your pain. Temporarily.” He allowed his words to linger, keeping his tone steady, even though a part of him wanted to ask more. He wanted to understand more of what was happening within Mathias. “But it won’t fix this rot. Not fully. It’s... beyond what I can heal.” Rus finally took a step back, his hands slowly retracting back to his sides. He was still focused, but the momentary connection between them felt like an undercurrent. His magic had done what it could, for now, but there was a lingering feeling on Rus' skin. Like walking through spiderwebs. He felt a sudden wave of exhaustion wash over him and he sat down in an empty chair in the small room. "I'm not sure how long it'll last... Should make it a little easier for a while." His gaze was still studying Mathias, but there was a wariness now. "It feels better?" Rus asked, though he already knew the answer. It wasn’t about the pain. It was about the questions swirling in the air between them now.

[ascnsionismx]

The world had taken a child and made him into something other. There were more memories of trainings, and being taught what a god were, than memories of childhood. There wasn't a sandbox and a set of swings. There were no birthdays with candles that marked the years. He didn't wake up to half eaten cookies, and colorful boxes under a Christmas tree. There was none of that. Seb had tried his best to give Mathias something of a childhood, which was probably why he brought him the gang meetings and the the cabin. It was all under the guise that he was doing his job, yet in reality it was giving Mathias the freedom he ached for.

When he would pass the pictures of him and Sebastian, he felt a longing. Those times were simple and he was fearless. He had his youth and innocence. There was no going back to it. Mathias didn't have the ability to reverse time nor could he defy fate. So he just looked at the past as fondly as he could and tried his best to maybe find that happiness again one day.

He looked up when Jude approached and smiled at him, "I don't mind if you join". This was sacred to him, but sacred moments were meant to be shared with the right people. He was letting Jude in. Bringing him into the small world that Mathias made. This world didn't involve gangs, or gods. It didn't have a sense of duty that hung in the sky like storm clouds. It was soft and quiet, like a breeze through the trees. It held hope and joy in it's hands, like fireflies caught on a summer night. He smiled at Jude's offer, then looked back to the graves. "I think she would have liked that a lot. She believed in what you believe in. Although a little different but the same. I've never been able to recite those prayers for her, so if you could..."

The cabin and even the church, were places that Mathias realistically shouldn't have been in. It burned him, sometimes as a reminder of what he was. Then there were days where the burns gave him comfort. To know that despite it all, he was still there and he still felt the love. "The crosses as well. I tried to clean them, but it started to hurt". Mathias dusted his hands off on his pants then moved to stand in front of Jude. It was quiet again. As the sun began to set and the crickets began to sing. The ground around them seemed to glow with life. He looked up at the vampire, a calm and gentle smile on his face. He wasn't the leader in this moment, nor was he a god. He was the same young man that had stumbled into a church years ago.

"Jude...whatever happens to me or to you, or even to whatever is between us...I just want you to know that I'm happy you're here. Life is...heavy for me, but you being here makes that weight a lot more bearable". He reached out to just touch Jude's hand, a feather light brushing of fingers that was gone too quickly. It was unsaid, those three little words that held so much weight, and yet their meaning still infected what Mathias said. It reverberated among the cypress tree branches, and echoed in the halls of the cabin, then soared up to the orange sky where the stars twinkled. "Thank you".

Jude stepped into the cabin, the familiar scent of dried herbs and the rich warmth of the space enveloping him. He could sense the care Mathias had taken in preserving this place, the connection to the past that ran deeper than just the walls themselves. He let his gaze wander around, taking in the photos and the talismans, noticing how much of Mathias was reflected in the place... so many memories, so much history. It was clear that this space meant something to him, and Jude felt a small knot form in his chest, unsure if it was his place to intrude on these personal moments. Mathias’s words about the cabin’s origin echoed in the quiet space, and Jude’s attention shifted to the photographs. He could see Mathias as a child, smiling with someone who must have been important to him. It was a glimpse of a version of Mathias that Jude had never gotten to see... the young child before everything had changed, before the weight of leadership, before the choices that shaped his current path. He turned to Mathias, his gaze softening, still processing everything they had talked about. The simplicity of the cabin, its grounding nature, seemed to pull at something inside him. The peace in this space, the way it was clearly connected to Mathias’s history, made Jude feel both far removed from and deeply intertwined with the younger man. He couldn’t quite explain it. He followed Mathias through the space, glancing at the crosses that hung untouched. Even with the small pieces that seemed to show that he had tried.

When Mathias showed him the room, Jude felt a quiet gratitude for the care Mathias had shown, but also a slight hesitation. This was... an intimacy he wasn’t sure how to navigate. Jude had been trying to keep some distance, trying to protect himself from whatever it was that was brewing between them. His faith, his sense of duty, everything that had passed between them. It all created a wall he couldn’t just easily tear down. And yet... He gave a small nod. "Thanks. I think I'll take a moment to settle in."

As Mathias excused himself, Jude lingered for a moment, glancing at the books Mathias had mentioned. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to explore just yet, but the quiet of the cabin called to him, a peace he wasn’t used to. His fingers lightly brushed against the pages of one of the books, and he felt a slight ache, something akin to longing, as his thoughts drifted back to the life he had left behind. The life where things were simpler, where he didn’t have to reconcile the contradictions within himself. But when he finally made his way outside, he saw Mathias at the graves, gently cleaning them. The sight of him in that space, tending to the resting places, felt intimate in a way that no words could capture. Jude stood at the threshold for a long moment, watching, before slowly stepping forward. “Mind if I join you?” Jude’s voice was low, but steady. He didn’t want to intrude, but the quiet gentleness of the moment called to him. “I’ll leave you to it if it’s something you need to do alone, but... If it's alright I can help you with this... And the crosses.” Jude took a few steps closer, keeping his distance but allowing the weight of the moment to settle in. The sun was shifting low in the sky, its warmth still lingering on his skin. It felt like a rare kind of peace here, and as much as he wasn’t sure of the road ahead for them, standing beside Mathias, without the need for words, just a shared understanding of the quiet between them. It felt like something they could hold onto for a while.

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias held on to Jude, happy that it was just them on the streets. The air felt so electric and exciting, he wondered if it was Desire's Avatar's doing. "I impressed you?" He asked with a big smile. "Good! 'Cause I like impressing youuuu" Mathias sang off key but not terribly and swung on Jude's arm. But that happiness died down when Jude said he couldn't eat. Again, Mathias knew this already, but in his drunken state it hit a lot harder. He frowned, "I don't wanna eat if you're not gonna eat! Do you want some of my blood? Is that gonna be okay, what if it gets your drunk! Oh do you wanna be drunk with me? What if I made boudin with my blood. Like...blood sausage" Mathias spoke fast, stumbling over a majority of his words and slurring the rest of them.

His emotions were up and down, not because of Jude but rather just his state of being. A boat ride sounded lovely. The feeling of cool air through his hair and water would maybe sober him up. Maybe. He hooked his arm in Jude's, "Okay! Lead the way! You can be the boat captain, I'll be the first mate! Captain Freling and First Mate Attano. That's fun huh?"

Jude raised an eyebrow at the drunken correction, a playful smile tugging at his lips. "Twenty-two." he repeated with a light laugh. The way Mathias leaned on him, the slight wobbles in his steps, was like a bizarre kind of reassurance that, no matter how much the younger man fought with the weight of his world, here, in this moment, they could both just be... well, human, in a way. “Adélie penguins.” Jude said and chuckled softly. The mention of penguins brought an unexpected warmth to his chest. “Well, I’ll consider myself impressed. It’s not often someone brings up penguins and boudin in the same sentence.” Jude smiled softly at Mathias’s enthusiasm about the boudin, but his expression shifted just slightly. His body had long since rejected human food, and though he still tried to play along, it never sat right with him anymore. “Boudin sounds good,” Jude replied with a light chuckle, though the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. “But you’re probably going to have to enjoy it for the both of us. I’ll give it a try, but I don’t expect to get much out of it.” His tone was playful enough, but there was an undercurrent of truth in it. He had long ago accepted that he couldn’t share the same pleasures as others when it came to food. But it wasn’t just the food. It was the way it reminded him of the person he used to be, the part of him that still yearned for those small, simple comforts, and the struggle to let go of that part. He glanced at Mathias, his gaze softer now, filled with a quiet kind of understanding.

He watched Mathias’s face light up at the mention of the boat, and while his concern about Mathias’s inebriated state lingered, he couldn’t help but be swept up in the enthusiasm. The younger man’s energy was infectious, even if it wasn’t always in the healthiest form. “Mathias,” Jude said, though his smile softened with that same warmth. “I can cross water. My boat skills are top-notch. We’ll get there fine.” His words were casual, but there was a steadiness to them, something grounded in his own knowledge of how to navigate the world, even when it was full of distractions. "Come on."

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias wanted to cry. He wanted to sob over the fact that none of this was fair. The life he deserved was not the life he was given. All these things had been written in the stars before Mathias took his first breath, and now he was supposed to be okay with it. The Gods weren't fair, they were never fair. They were old and stubborn. They didn't care about those on Earth. They just cared about themselves and their old ways.

Suresh was correct though. There would be no one in charge of him when he was a god. Even if the Higher Ups tried, they couldn't match the power of a god. "Are you saying that I'll need avatars too?". He would be lying if he said he didn't think about it. How he could find greater positions for the inner circle. When Mathias ascended, gang matters would no longer be important. They could become so much more. But would that be fair? Would it be right? Mathias nodded his head at Suresh, "Okay my friend. Thank you for your advice. I hope you enjoy your meal too".

But that's not fair.

Suresh let those words hang in the air. And finally Suresh’s eyes softened, but not in pity. Never pity. It was the kind of look you gave to something you recognized. Like seeing an old wound in a new place. “Fair?” he repeated quietly, as if testing the word against his tongue and finding it strange. “No, Mathias. It’s not fair. It was never going to be fair. Gods don’t deal in fairness.” He took a slow step forward, the air between them tightening in that subtle way Suresh had, like the room itself was listening now. “You do get a life,” he said, low, deliberate. “But it will not be the life you wanted. That’s the bargain written into the bones of every divine thing." He tapped his own chest once, slow. “I am an Avatar. A vessel. A voice for a god who speaks through me, who can touch the world only because I let them. I am the will and the leash both.”

He stepped closer, voice dropping into that velvet-and-iron register that left no room for misunderstanding. “But you… you’re not going to be a vessel. You’re going to be it.” A pause, long enough for the truth to weigh between them. “There will be no one above you to curb your hunger, no will greater than yours to decide who is spared. No leash. No filter. Only you.” The gold in his eyes deepened, an echo of the thing he served. “That is why I’m telling you this: what I am to Desire… you will need people to be for you. It won't be the same. But you will need people you trust enough to let them speak against you, to remind you of your own shape when the god in your bones decides it wants to wear you hollow. Without them, you won’t just lose yourself, Mathias. You’ll erase yourself. And gods...” his mouth curved in something that wasn’t quite a smile, “rarely notice what they’ve destroyed.” He let that settle, the bass from the club a distant heartbeat beneath the silence. Then, softer, with an almost reluctant gentleness: “Choose those people now. Put pieces of yourself in them. It is not a chain you force on them. It is a gift. The ones that love you... They will take it without question. Because once this change comes, you won’t be able to decide who to trust... you’ll be too busy deciding what to take.” Suresh turned his face towards the tinted windows, out to the club. His voice weary as he said, "I have to make an appearance soon on the main floor... We are hungry after you."

[ascnsionismx]

It was always like hearing a pin drop whenever someone saw the rot. It was other worldly, and Mathias knew it was shocking to most. Sometimes he'd even catch himself freezing when he saw it in the mirror. "You just attempting is more than enough for me. Thank you". He said. Mathias was polite, even when he never really needed to be. He was a soon to be god, so he wanted to do his best to appeal to everyone. Even those who would probably never pray to him. He didn't think the light witch would be a follower, their magics were polar opposites. But clearly Rus liked to help everyone too.

Mathias watched as Rus got everything ready. It was so different than what he did. Mathias dealt with the shadows and the dead. He made magic with things that were afraid of the light. The questions were hard to answer, because there really wasn't an answer. "It grows, I think. If it eats or not, I'm not sure. I'm not even sure what it would eat if it did. But I know that when I use my powers a lot or do something big, it gets worse". The explosion at Mardi Gras made that much clear.

He closed his eyes as he felt the warmth take over. Mathias ran cold, and he did prefer it. The warm feeling made him squirm. It reminded him of when he would touch holy symbols. He had every right to be scared in this moment. But then relief came. He didn't feel the pulsing pain, he felt normal for once. Mathias blinked his eyes open and looked up at Rus, confused and elated. "How'd you do that?"

"Alright then, Mathias." Rus had always prided himself on his control, his ability to mask his thoughts and emotions beneath a smooth, steady exterior. Yet, as Mathias sat before him, his chest exposed and the rot on full display, Rus felt a cold ripple of unease trace down his spine. The affliction wasn’t just a wound… it was something far darker, something that seemed to pulse with an unnatural life of its own. The sheer complexity of it was enough to make even a seasoned healer pause, but the gravity of the situation went deeper than that. He had treated countless injuries in his time: physical wounds, magical afflictions, even curses. But this was different. This rot was like a living, breathing thing, a darkness that twisted beneath Mathias’s skin, slowly consuming him from within. The veins spread out like cracks in a shattered glass, and where the skin had peeled back, blackened and raw, there was no mistaking that this was something unnatural. Something beyond even necromantic magic. Rus focused on keeping his gaze steady, his hands gently folding in front of him. He wasn’t here to probe for weaknesses or pry into Mathias’s secrets. He was here to do one thing, help. But the urge to understand the source of this affliction was like a dark lure. If Mathias’s rot was tied to something beyond the physical, a curse, an old trauma, a power beyond this world… Rus wanted to know more. But he couldn’t let that curiosity override the more immediate task at hand. The pain. First, you deal with the pain.

"Gods," Rus said, his voice steady despite the sudden tension in his chest, "the fact that you’ve lived with this for so long…" He paused, his eyes flicking briefly to the wound again, then back to the man in front of him. "This isn't something I've seen before…" He moved slowly, carefully, as he stepped closer to the chair where Mathias sat. There was no denying the rawness of the wound. It was impossible to look away from the sickly combination of fresh decay and desperate healing. The wound was weeping, old and new all at the same time. But Rus kept his hands folded and his expression neutral. He had to remain professional. He had to keep his distance, even as everything inside him screamed to reach out, to understand, to offer more than just relief from the pain. "I’ll do what I can. I can help with the pain, for now." He gestured toward a small, where a few basic healing implements and crystals lay, but Rus knew that the real work would be in the light. His own magic would need to be called, something he hadn’t had to use to this extent in years. Rus gestured to one of the patient rooms. "Let's have you lie down and get comfortable. I'll set up." He brought in a candle, surrounded by reflective mirrors and crystal inlays. He lit the candle as he let Mathias get comfortable. Setting up the light as he murmured softly. "I'll need to focus, Mathias," Rus murmured, his voice turning quieter, more intimate as he stood at the edge of the table that Mathias was on. "The light can alleviate your pain, but it won't fix this… this rot." He let his hands move, stretching the energy within him, flaring the candle and brightening the room past what one candle should be able to do. The light began to stir just beneath the surface of Rus' skin, a familiar warmth that he could channel, direct. But unlike his usual subtle manipulations of light, this would be more intricate. Pain was a unique beast… one that couldn't just be healed. It had to be soothed, calmed. He paused, his eyes locking onto Mathias’s, the weight of everything they weren’t saying hanging between them. "And I need to know… does this thing grow on its own? Or does it feed from something? You said it used to be smaller?"

Rus wasn’t just trying to heal Mathias's body. He needed to know what this thing was. The rot that clung to him wasn’t just a symptom; it was part of something darker, something that could pose a much greater threat than just the Deathrunners' leader. But for now, there was only the light. Rus let his magic spread, a slow pulse of warmth that filled the room, radiating from his fingertips as he stood above Mathias, one hand above Mathias' forehead the other hovering above the center of the rot. The light wrapped around his hands, soft but steady, like a soft glow at the edge of dawn. It wasn’t enough to heal the rot. But for a moment, it was enough to ease the pain, to give Mathias some relief.

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias smiled at the other witch, "Just Mathias is fine. Mr. Attano makes me feel like some scary CEO". He stepped into the room and looked around. Mathias had experience with witches, they were probably the only specie he knew rather well. He learned about all the difference practices of magic, as well as how all of them used it. His fascination with his own specie would never die down. Mathias was aware that coming to someone about his affliction could be dangerous. Showing the state of his physical form to just anyone put him at risk. As cocky as it sounded though, he'd deal with anyone that dared to try him.

He smiled at Rus, "I don't have bodyguards with me. I figured that would be rather awkward for you. No one likes working when you have undead muscle loaming over you. Gods know I don't". He sat down where Rus directed him and nodded, "I try to use what I have provided, but sometimes I need to go to outside help. I've heard you're very good at what you do, so I wanted to see for myself". Mathias removed the shirt he was wearing, wincing slightly at the motion. He didn't think the rot would be dealt with, because who could heal a godly wound? But maybe the pain could be handled.

The rot on his chest looked bad. It was both fresh and old. Decayed and healing. It didn't smell (thank god), but it wept with black and red blood and pus. Veins spread out from the wound, covering every inch of skin. The edges of skin that had peeled up was blackened and dried up. In some areas, white bone could be seen, edged by the pink wet flesh of skin that was so desperately trying to heal. There were areas that had healed surprisingly, but it was covered in raised scar tissues. The pit of the wound, that laid over his heart, was dark and deep. It was clear it had started off small, but over time it grew and grew. An infectious void that was eating Mathias alive.

"This is it" Mathias said. "When I was really young, it was small. More like a blemish. Then things happened and over time it grew to this. It still grows. I don't know if you can help with that, but perhaps you can help with the pain. It hurts an awful lot. I've gotten used to it over the years, but it's still there".

Rus hadn’t expected a visit from the Leader of the Deathrunners, especially not on this quiet afternoon. His office, tucked away in a nondescript strip mall, was meant to be a sanctuary of sorts for supernatural's in need of physical therapy or his other healing arts, a far cry from the world of politics and power struggles that defined the criminal underworld. Yet here Mathias stood. Rus hadn’t been prepared to see him, hadn’t even begun to consider the possibility that someone of Mathias’s… stature would seek him out. He took a moment to compose himself, his mind racing with the urgency of keeping his true nature hidden. There was no room for mistakes. Not here, not now. And in the midst of all that first flush of thoughts Rus was surprised at how… young Mathias was. He was powerful, so was his presence but his aura still held his actual age in it. Barely into his thirties. "If you're looking for the healer, Mr. Attano, that'd be me. Please, come in." Rus stepped back to let Mathias in, his gaze lingering just around Mathias, not on his face, but the air around him. The rot that clung to Mathias was like a shadow through his aura, there was something about it that was different, something Rus hadn’t encountered before. A sickness that went beyond simple necromancy. Something older, darker… and possibly far more dangerous. It forced a shiver through the Light Witch like stepping into deep shadow after being in the sun.

He waited for Mathias to walk in. There was no reason why a witch wouldn't know the leader of the Deathrunners. Especially after Mardi Gras and the fallout. Word got around. Rus stood quietly for a moment, taking a slow breath, before speaking. "Your bodyguards don't have to stay outside." A simple comment but also a way to find out if Mathias had come alone or if he had some of his people waiting. His Cajun accent slipped through a bit as he spoke, his voice was warm like summer. He paused then spoke again, tone smooth but with a quiet curiosity beneath it. "Sorry, you’re far from the usual clientele I treat. I didn’t expect to see you here… or for you to seek help from someone like me." He gestured to the waiting area with a soft, practiced motion, letting the space between them settle before speaking. He’d worked hard to cultivate this image of being an outsider—neutral, a healer with no ties to the gangs that tugged at the fabric of New Orleans. "Please, take a seat and why don't you tell me what I can do for you?"

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias frowned a bit. He knew that bringing Jude ruffled many feathers. He didn't speak with the inner circle when he made the choice, and he did just expect them all the accept it. But Mathias had his reasons, and he wondered if any of them truly understood. "I know, what I did wasn't fair to any of you. But I had my reasons. Jude is the first and only one that hasn't been touched by the Higher Ups. I didn't want any of you to know him when I brought him in, because it meant that he would maybe be an ear that can't be influenced or controlled by them".

He felt Knox's fear and sighed. Yes, the unknown was terrifying, and there were times where it left Mathias frozen in fear. Still, there was no way he could allow himself to succumb to it. "Yes, it's scary. But we have to conquer it. Because doing that makes us stronger, and that's all I want for all of us".

Mathias finally smiled at Knox. Yes, he had a lot on his plate, but that was just the nature of the world they lived in. While it did tire him out and cause him stress, Mathias liked what he did. He liked leading, and he liked being the person his people went to for everything. "Knox...Any problems you have will never be too much for me. I'll drop everything to help you and the others. Let me be there for you". He shook his head, "You're more than just a body guard. Just like how Ric is more than an underboss, and Kaz is more than just an enforcer. You're all my family, and my most trusted. If I just saw you as the roles the Higher Ups put you in, then I wouldn't be a very good leader nor friend. You're all destined for me, and capable of more".

The necromancer could finally see the tangles of what went wrong. All of them had been placed on a chess board, and had been told they could only move in specific ways. Mathias wanted to disrupt that. He wanted to give them all the freedom he also longed for. "What are you scared of? Losing me? Losing yourself?...How do you know if any of those things will actually happen? That's something Jude has helped me understand. He made me realize that some of the things I'm afraid of might not even happen. And if they do happen, then I would just find my way through it".

“I can’t deny that I was jealous at first.” Knox feels like it’s better to say things instead of pretending it was never an issues. “You don’t owe me anything, but back then, I was angry that you had pushed on us someone we didn’t know. But it was your choice, so I kept it to myself and pushed that anger and confusion onto him.” He’s apologized since then and have made peace with it, ‘cause Jude gives Mathias something that none of them can. “But all along, it was me.”

 “I don’t think any length of preparation can prepare you for the unknown.” More fear pushes into the bond at the mention of the unknown. It’s such a visceral fear that it almost makes Knox shiver on the spot.

“Because you already have a lot of shit to deal with. I’m your familiar, I’m the one who should be there for you, not be the one causing issues.” He doesn’t want to be a bother. Doesn’t want to ever see that look in Mathias’ eyes―the one he’d seen at the Solstice. “All I know and I’m good at is guarding, It’s all I’ve ever done, the only thing I remember and that feels natural to me. I know you’re trying; that you tried. And I’m sorry I never told you that I could see your efforts, but also that I couldn’t voice how I felt.” They sigh, trying to find a way to bring up what they’d done.

“I realized recently that I need to take care of someone of people. Not by training them, but by being there as support. Even if I’m a fucking mess myself, being there for others―for you―that’s how I feel like what I do means something. But beyond that, I’m fucking scared Mathias.” He’s still angry but everything he’s been feeling started because of fear; so uncontrollable that he’s been letting things fall apart instead of facing it. He doesn’t want Mathias to worry about him or stress about things beyond their control like Knox is.

[ascnsionismx]

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias was able to calm down in the silence and slip back into his normal self. It was hard for him to be anything but that at the cabin. The place was rich with good memories of the past and a sense of peace he couldn't find anywhere else. It was small, yes, but it meant so much to him. To bring Jude here was a big deal.

"This place was owned by a hoodoo witch that Sebastian knew from long ago. He was really close to that family, so it only makes sense that he brought me here when I showed up". He guided Jude through the home, past hallways with various dried plants and talismans handing from the ceiling, to shelves with faded black and white photos of sun torn black faces. Pictures of a very young Mathias, and a tall man were on the walls too, happy and smiling like a child should be. There were books everywhere, some in English, some in French or Haitian. The spines read of cook books, spell books, history, and beyond. On the walls were more talisman's and pictures, but surprisingly also crosses. Everything in the house was cleaned completely, except the crosses. It looked like there was an attempt, but the thorough cleaning clearly couldn't be accomplished on those.

"All the windows have black out curtains, since this place gets a good amount of sun. I made sure they all work too. This is your room" He took Jude to the biggest room, with more plants hanging from the ceiling and a bathroom door connecting it. "You can set your stuff down here, and relax a little, I gotta do some basic stuff first. But you're welcome to join once you freshen up." Mathias didn't want to overwhelm or bore Jude with his traditions. "Or you can explore. There's some books here I think you'd like, and some that I can't touch at all but I know you'll be able to" he said.

He excused himself from the vampire to put his stuff in the smaller room, then made his way to the backyard. He left the door opened just in case Jude did want to come outside with him. Mathias went to the shaded area, where the graves were and gently cleaned them as best as he could and removed the dying flowers that were left there from his last visit. Out of the brush came various undead creatures, all curious and interested in him. He smiled at a small raccoon that came up to him, and scratched behind it's ears.

This place was his as much as the church was. A home that he felt he didn't deserve and yet it had been opened to him. A kind gesture from a stranger who owed him nothing. Mathias sat there on the ground, feeling the way it almost repelled him like putting the same ends of two magnets together. It rejected him and welcomed him. He laid down as the sun moved through the sky, in a few hours it would be the evening.

Jude could feel the weight of Mathias’s words as they hung in the air, thick with both sincerity and a kind of awkwardness that was rare for the younger man. The vulnerability in Mathias’s voice was something he didn't hear often. Especially lately. And again it made him feel like his chest tightened, a strange combination of longing and sympathy, as he watched the way Mathias was still struggling with everything he had done, and everything he still wanted to do. When Mathias spoke of being sorry again he kept his expression steady. He had heard the apology so many times, and each time it still carried weight, but Jude knew it wasn’t the apology that mattered. It was the action behind it, the intent. Jude wasn’t going to force him to keep repeating himself. “You don’t have to keep apologizing,” Jude said gently, the words falling from his lips as much for his own reassurance as for Mathias’s. “I’ve heard you. I understand, Mathias. I do.” They couldn't change it now either way.

The boat rocked gently as they continued down the bayou, the rhythmic sound of the water creating a sense of calm that, for once, felt like it was easing some of the tension in both of them. Jude’s gaze flickered to Mathias as he spoke again, a softer tone creeping into his words. When Mathias mumbled about being “together in a thing,” The flush on Mathias’s face didn’t escape Jude’s notice, and he looked at Mathias quietly, a small smile that accidentally showed a flash of fang. "A thing." He repeated. But he didn't want Mathias to think he was making fun of him. He would never. Not about this. He folded up the umbrella, he would have removed the sunglasses if he thought his eyes wouldn't half shrivel in the sun. "Mathias…" Jude started very gently. But he stopped when Mathias rushed in urging him to just think about it. And he stopped. Because he had the distinct impression that no matter what he said Mathias was about to jump out of the boat and swim the rest of the way it he spoke. So he just nodded, offering a small, reassuring smile, though there was a lingering sadness in his eyes. "I'll think about it."

When Mathias extended his hand Jude accepted it with an ease that felt natural, the weight of the past moment still between them but not entirely in the way. He didn’t want to rush the conversation, but the way Mathias had asked, the vulnerability behind it. Jude wanted him to know that he didn’t need to be afraid. As they made their way towards the cabin, Jude glanced down at him, a faint smile lingering on his lips. The simplicity of the moment, the muted sounds of the bayou, felt peaceful. As they entered the cabin, Jude felt a small sense of relief, the kind that had eluded him for so long. He took off the sunglasses, pushing them up into his hair. The graves hadn't gone unnoticed by Jude but he stayed quiet, content to let Mathias share what he wished to share with him.

[ascnsionismx]

"Twenty two" He corrected. It was rather easy for him to be vulnerable around Jude. There wasn't a need to put on the bravado that everyone else saw. It was yet another reason why Mathias liked being around Jude. The vampire didn't expect Mathias to be perfect nor did he expect him to have everything under control at all times. 'Yeah, impress you. I read you're supposed to do that with the people you like. It's why uh...penguins give each other rocks. To impress their girlfriend or boyfriend penguin". Jude said no to dancing tonight which meant there was a chance for the future, and Mathias was going to hold on to that. "Quiet sounds good. You know what else sounds good? Some boudin!"

Logically, Mathias knew vampires could swim and cross water. His drunken mind was not logical sadly, and Jude's words just made that thought take off and run. "Ahh...Well your secret is safe with me! No one else will know that you can't cross water". Mathias gasped when Jude mentioned a boat. "My boat is at the water's edge! We can take the boat!"

"Well of course. You sent me twenty texts asking me where I was..." Jude couldn’t help the small, bemused chuckle that escaped him at Mathias’s words. The way the younger man was wobbling, leaning on him as if he were about to collapse, made it clear just how far past his limit he had gone. Still, there was something endearing about the way Mathias tried to push through it all, even in his drunken state. Jude steadied him, his grip firm but gentle, trying to keep him from tipping over too much. “Impress me, huh?” Jude said, his tone a little more teasing, though there was a trace of warmth there. “Well, I’m already impressed by how well you’re managing to stay upright at this point.” Jude leaned in slightly to make sure Mathias didn’t tip too far to one side. “As much as I’m sure you’re amazing at dancing, I think tonight might be better spent somewhere quieter, don’t you?” he said, his voice warm and reassuring, his hand still steady on Mathias’s shoulder.

At the mention of swimming, Jude’s lips twitched into a soft smile. “I can swim,” he said, his voice light. “Though, as a vampire, it’s more of a… a ‘when it’s convenient’ situation.” He let that hang for a moment, almost teasing, before his smile faded slightly, his concern creeping through. “I also know how to drive a boat."

[ascnsionismx]

There were many benefits to living in a city full of supernatural creatures and magic users. What people could do with their powers and abilities were amazing, and it kept NOLA thriving. Basic human medicine was easily replaced by witch magic or a piece of some creature. There were limits though, but those limits still surpassed what humans were capable of.

Mathias wanted something to help with the rot on his chest. He doubted anyone could make it go away, but he hoped that someone could at least help him with the pain. He had his people search for a healer that could maybe do the job. Once they located one, Mathias brought cash and marched his way to the healer's place. He knocked, not announcing himself yet. By now, people knew who he was. They recognized him as the Deathrunner's leader. It made moving around the city a bit more difficult these days.

He waited, the envelope of cash weighing down his pocket. When the door opened, Mathias bowed his head, "Hello, I'm looking for the healer".

@rus-st-cyr

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias was panting from the exertion. Kaz had done a great job at making him feel alive. It was why he would make sure the enforcer was at his side if they ever had to go to war. The power all of them had could make them the biggest threat in the city, if only they would all trust Mathias as much as Kaz did.

The staff was there for defense, whatever power Mathias put through it would be lessened, which was better than him actually touching Kazimir. He had to be careful to not hurt the weretiger, even if Kaz was clearly fighting to win. Mathias could appreciate that. All it took was his forgiveness, and the other was giving it his all. Mathias did have much time to react as he was grabbed and lifted off the ground. He didn't think about letting go of the staff, not wanting to land on his back again. When the staff was crushed, the magic dispersed and went back into Mathias. A lot happened next, and Mathias wondered if it were all instinct. Kaz had been doing good about not getting too close, because he knew what would happen if Mathias touched him. They were in very close quarters now.

Mathias could have moved, but instead he stayed where he was. He could feel his ribs give slightly and the pain. He'd most likely have a big bruise to show off in the morning. But Kazya was closer now, and within Mathias' reach. He didn't think twice before grabbing Kaz's arm, and the decay instantly started to eat his flesh. Mathias let go though, not wanting an extended time of exposure on the weretiger.

"I yield" He said loudly with pride.

Kazya’s eyes narrowed as Mathias steadied himself, the sharp, crackling energy swirling around him. Kaz could feel it in the air... there was power there, raw and untamed, crackling like the spark before a storm. The staff in Mathias’s hand transformed under his influence, becoming something more dangerous, more deadly. He could feel it. Mathias was holding back. Overly cautious because of how Kaz fought. How the weretiger moved. Kazya could see it in the way Mathias moved, in the way he waited for the fight to evolve. But Kazya couldn’t afford to wait. He couldn’t let this drag on longer than necessary. He was fast, but Mathias had the advantage of raw power. But Kazya wanted to win. To show Mathias his worth.

The ground beneath him shifted with the crackle of Mathias’s magic, and Kazya saw the change in the staff. Kazya took a slow breath, letting the heat of the moment burn away any hesitation. A low rumbling growl rippled out of Kazya's throat. His gaze locked on Mathias’s, feral and intense, daring him to make a move. Blind eye and ice blue. Kazya lunged forward, closer than he had been before, too close for comfort, but just far enough to let Mathias’s staff swipe near his side. Wickedly clawed hands and brutal strength grabbed the staff and lifted Mathias off his feet and onto the ground. Kazya holding the staff between their bodies. His mouth opened, a maw of tiger teeth and he bit down on the wooden staff. Shattering the wood. And sending a shower of splinters and saliva across Mathias' face and chest. He knew he was exposed now, vulnerable, but Kazya’s instincts roared to life. His arm, partially shifted now, surged forward like a blur. His claws extended, and he shot in, low and fast. With a swift motion, he aimed for Mathias’s ribs. An attack he knew would land if Mathias didn’t move in time. But that wasn’t the point. Kazya wasn’t just trying to wound Mathias. He was trying to force his hand, to make him surrender.

“Do it,” Kazya growled, teeth bared, his voice a deadly whisper as his claws neared Mathias’s body. It was a play, one Kazya had been planning for this whole time, but he had given Mathias the chance to break him. Kazya’s tiger eyes glittered with determination.

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias couldn't fight fate, he couldn't prevent what was coming. All he could do was let it happen and make the best of it. It was way he wanted to figure out how to stay himself. He could be a god, he could do what the higher ups wanted, as long as he remained the same. He thought Suresh would have an answer, because the naga seemed to have retained some of his self even though he was an avatar. He frowned when it became apparent that he couldn't have that. Already Mathias felt him losing parts of himself. The memories of his parents were just the start. His body was evident of that too. Soon the rot would cover him completely, and there would be no more healthy skin. "But that's not fair" He said quietly. "Do I not get a life?"

How could Mathias ask them all the hold the memory of him? How cruel was that? He had been trying to help them all move on for the inevitable, but now he'd have to go back and tell them not to?

There was no inclination of what Mathias would become. Life was a broad term, and it could have meant anything. Perhaps Mathias could try reaching out to the God of Life, wherever they were. Maybe they would have the answers he was looking for. He winced as Suresh touched his chest, even the softest touch hurt. Time was ticking away for him, and soon Mathias would ascend. His time as a human would be over, and the world would change with him. He looked at Suresh with sadness in his eyes, "I cannot delay what is written, I can't prevent it. I don't know what I will be or what I'm supposed to be. I'm afraid of the unknown. I'm afraid of losing everyone. I just have to hope that I will be strong enough in the end".

The club’s heartbeat pulsed beneath their feet, bass low and rich like distant thunder, but the space between them was eerily quiet. A silence reserved for cathedrals or tombs. He held Mathias’s hand a moment longer than necessary, long enough to feel the pulse beneath the boy’s skin, long enough to remind himself that Mathias was still young, no matter how sharp his eyes had become, no matter how deeply the divine rot had begun to thread itself into his soul. “How do you stay you?” Suresh echoed, voice barely more than a breath. He released Mathias’s hand and turned, slowly, pacing toward the long windows. Glass, tinted and shadowed, lights and that same bass on the other side. But the window reflected him in fractured silhouettes. “You don’t. Not entirely.” He spoke without cruelty, but without comfort either. “Whatever is inside you,” he said, “will strip you. Layer by layer. Until even your memories will feel… softened. Faded. The you-that-was will blur beneath the weight of what you’re becoming. And the parts that remain. Those will hurt the most. Because they’ll be reminders of what you’ve lost.” He paused. Let the words settle. Then glanced over his shoulder, the gold in his eyes bright and cold and terribly kind.

“But there are ways to hold fast. Not to yourself, but to the people who remember you. Who love you. Even when the god inside doesn’t.” He stepped forward again, back toward Mathias, and this time, his presence was quieter. Not the Avatar. Just Suresh.

“You’re asking the wrong question,” he said gently. “You don’t need to learn how to be you. You need to decide which pieces are worth protecting. And who you trust to guard them when you no longer can.” He let that hang. Then, softly, “I’ve built altars out of memory, Mathias. I’ve hidden pieces of myself in every soul I’ve ever loved. That’s the only way I’ve survived. They remembered me when I couldn’t.” A faint smile ghosted across his lips. “That helped me tremendously in the beginning.”

“You want to keep it from stirring too much?” he murmured. “I don't know what to tell you about that. I can only speak from what I am. Which is not what you will be. But gods are greedy. Territorial. They hunger for what their Avatars crave." A moment passed. Then another. And for the first time that evening, Suresh’s voice softened to something almost like sorrow. "You might yet be something close to Life... A god of resurrection. Of memory. Of keeping. Not just decay, not entirely. But the will to stay... Past hope. Past sense. Past death. Even while the rot breaks you into new shapes." He stepped forward and placed his hand briefly over Mathias’s heart. His hand very careful over the black sunken shape. The pulse was still there. Steady. Still his. “That,” he whispered, “might be what you’re becoming.” He stepped back. Let him breathe. And for a long moment after, he said nothing. He just watched Mathias. Wondering how long it would be before the boy forgot how to be afraid of what he was turning into. Suresh knew who Mathias would choose to love, and wondered whether it would be enough to keep him tethered when the god inside him finally woke.

[ascnsionismx]

The difference between how Kaz moved and how Mathias moved was stark. A trained fighter versus someone who just knew how to not die. A true fight really, and the crowd was eating it up. Mathias was keeping himself contained, as this was also a lesson in control for him. The swipe at his ribs made him wince and grunt in pain as he kept trying to get away from Kaz.

When the weretiger moved back, Mathias was able to catch him breath. Kaz was a lot faster than the opponents Mathias was used to. Usually the higher ups had him fighting other magic users who moved like him. This was something different. Mathias frowned and got to his feet, using the staff to steady himself. "Okay" Mathias said. He knew the chances of him winning were low, so he might as well make it difficult for Kaz. The ground around him crackled with an energy that seemed to be coming from Mathias. It was dirt, so the signs of weathering were subtle. The staff in Mathias' hand started to change too. The wood becoming bleached and gnarled and infused with his magic. The alone took some effort from Mathias. He was never really trained on how to sharpen it to a point, his magic was very explosive and big. The precision was hard to maintain, but he was doing it for now. He slammed the staff down on the ground, and smiled at Kaz, "Come on, Kaz".

Kazya’s every muscle was on edge as Mathias’s staff swiped toward him. The moment Mathias fell to the ground, Kazya moved like a phantom, swift and silent. He was acutely aware of the space between them, every inch of his body tensed, avoiding any contact. The thought of those hands, those hands that could rot flesh and decay bone, made Kazya’s instincts scream for distance. But they were also the hands that had returned to Kaz everything they had ever loved.

Mathias, though skilled, was still trying to recover. His staff was raised defensively, but Kazya wasn’t going to give him a chance to get his footing. He needed speed, precision, and an evasion of contact. His claws scraped the ground as he shifted his weight, making himself a blur of motion to dodge and weave around the staff. Kazya lunged with a low growl, swiping at Mathias’s ribs, but he was careful to not get too close. He was aiming to move fast, strike quick, and avoid anything that would allow Mathias to retaliate with the full extent of his power. The smell of the dirt in the ring, the heat of the air, the sweat dripping down his face. It all faded as Kazya zeroed in on the only thing that mattered: Mathias’s body. He had to keep his distance, had to avoid the touch that would make him feel like his bones were crumbling. If Mathias got a hold of him, it would be over before he could even think. So there was strategy in the seeming recklessness.

Kazya spun out of the reach and came up on his feet, breathing heavier, muscles taut. Claws out and body hunched. His tiger eyes stayed locked on Mathias, and the ferocity in his gaze was as much about his refusal to be caught in that grasp as it was the fight itself. Kazya shifted his stance, readying for another quick move, every muscle taut, claws extended. "Come on, Boss," he growled low, his voice a warning and a plea all at once. "Get up."

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias had many reasons to feel guilt, and that was before considering what he did to Jude. On one had, he was glad the vampire was still around, but on the other he knew what he did was wrong. He still thought about that night in the church, how it made him feel knowing he could simply change a person's life like that. How he had hoped Jude would appreciate the gift. At least Mathias didn't resurrect him. There could still be some distance between them this way, and he did think that was healthy.

The world always wanted him to give up something before getting something in return. Things were never just handed to him free of charge, they all came at a cost. Some of those prices were easy to pay, others not so much. While it looked poorly on Jude, Mathias did expect his love to be the same. If Mathias bled enough, if he begged enough, then maybe he could have a fraction of Jude's love. That was all he needed really. Just someone who saw him for who he was, and loved him anyways. Someone who didn't care that he was a god, or a leader. To Jude, Mathias was just some lost soul that found his way into a church one fateful day.

His shoulders sagged as he let out a breath of air. He was happy he didn't have to prove himself anymore. He could relax and be himself finally, and Mathias liked that. "I'm sorry" He said, "I know I've said it a lot...but I am sorry".

Mathias opened his mouth to correct Jude, but shut it quickly. He wanted them to be together in a traditional way, but could he even ask that? It's not like they could be public about it, that would be dangerous. But Mathias wanted to be Jude's and he wanted Jude to be his. The way Jude spoke about how they were physically together made him flushed. And when the vampire looked at him with warmth in his eyes, Mathias had to look away. The softness of this boat ride was overwhelming and it gave him hope. "I-I meant...like together in a thing...l-like a relationship" He mumbled. "B-But not like a public one, 'cause it's not safe and I don't know if you're comfortable with that. I just think it would be...nice to go on dates and stuff". He covered his face with his hand, trying not to cringe at his childish desires. "J-Just think about it okay!"

He cleared his throat and continued their trek down the bayou while Mathias mentally beat himself up. When the cabin came into view, he slowed down so he could dock. Once the boat was tied down, he carefully got out and offered a hand to Jude. "Here I'll show you around".

Jude imagined his heart thudding quietly in his chest, the weight of Mathias’s words settling like a heavy stone in the space between them. He knew that wasn't possible. But still, the imagining felt real enough. He listened closely, letting the sincerity of what Mathias said wash over him, a gentle wave that left him both conflicted and somehow at peace. When Mathias spoke of forgiveness and guilt, of bleeding for it, something in Jude tightened, a flash of hurt and understanding weaving through him. He knew that feeling. He had felt it too, when he had distanced himself, when he had tried to make sense of his anger and the confusion that swirled around what had happened to him. But what Mathias was saying... it wasn’t just about guilt, was it? It was about something deeper, something that had been buried in both of them for so long. “Mathias…” Jude’s voice was soft, yet steady as he spoke, the words slow and deliberate, like they carried more than just the weight of what had been said. He let the silence stretch for a moment, as if he were measuring his thoughts, weighing what he wanted to say next. “You don’t need to bleed for forgiveness,” Jude said gently, though there was an edge to his words now, as if he were speaking from a place of deep understanding. “That’s not something you have to earn. You don’t need to pay for what’s happened between us. Not anymore.” Jude shifted slightly, his gaze softening as he leaned forward, the boat gently rocking under them. He wasn’t sure how Mathias had come to believe that love was something transactional, that it was something to be bargained for, but he would make sure he understood now that it wasn’t. Not from him. Not from Jude. “I hear you,” Jude said quietly. “You’re doing your best, Mathias. I see it."

Jude’s lips curved into a small, gentle smile, but there was a momentary flicker of confusion in his eyes as he processed Mathias’s question. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand, but somehow the weight of it felt lighter, different from what Mathias had intended. “We are together,” Jude said softly, his voice steady but warm. He didn’t seem to grasp the deeper meaning behind the question, but the truth of his words still rang clear in the silence between them. “I mean... we spend all this time together. You know that. We always end up back in the same space, even when the world outside pulls us in different directions.” He let the words linger for a moment, his gaze soft but genuine, as though he truly believed that was enough. “And... you’re the only one I drink from, Mathias.” The words were casual, but they carried a weight of their own. A quiet truth about where he had placed his trust and his loyalty. “I can’t imagine anything else. You’re more than enough.” Jude looked at Mathias then, his eyes full of that familiar warmth, the kind that had been there all along, even when things were difficult. “We’re already here. We’re already together.” His voice was quieter now, almost as if he was reassuring himself as much as Mathias. “I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

[ascnsionismx]