ashhnicoletuck - Tumblr blog

[ashhnicoletuck]

Saturday, September 23rd

So much has happened within the past couple of months. Loved and lost to being angry and sad. Yet again, I'm in another cafe, writing my sappy feelings about how I think I'll never find love. Right now, I do not trust anyone's intentions. It's all filled with lies and just a desire to be with someone attractive to them. Hopefully, someone will be able to break this wall I've inevitably built again. It will take more than just a compliment and a few dates.

[ashhnicoletuck]

Saturday, July 29th

Another day, another coffee shop where I am sitting to record my thoughts. Today, I’m in one of my favorites shops, enjoying the sunshine from the blistering heat outside.

As I get older, I’m starting to appreciate the cold weather more and more. I am missing sweaters and crew necks as a daily clothing item. Now it’s making sure I have sunscreen and deodorant to protect my skin and everyone from a sweat smell.

Everything is blooming outside somehow. I’m surprised things aren’t dead from the heat. I am looking forward to the cold with the yellow and brown leaves. It makes me a little sad to start wishing for things to start “dying.”

But are they really dying? The flowers, the leaves, they always come back after a few months of rest.

Moral of the story, I am craving the cold. I want to feel cold breezes and chills to my nose. I want to be able to be bundled up in a blanket. I am craving the feeling of being cozy. In this heat, there’s not such thing as cozy.

[ashhnicoletuck]

Friday, July 14th

Here I am at another cafe, trying to focus on schoolwork. For whatever reason this week, I am unable to focus clearly. I have a gray cloud that's surrounding me.

Is it sadness, anger, or am I just in a rut? Weeks like this always seem to drag out long than good weeks. I am trying to clear this fog, but I can't. I am slowly being consumed by the pressure.

Pressure to go to work. Pressure to do well on assignments. Pressure to self care myself. Pressure to make sure everyone around is doing better.

I have the weight of the pressure, but no one seems to be able to take the stress from me. I am suffocated under the weight of everyone else. But I guess that's just life, right? When you are trying to better yourself and help everyone also be better.

I will just suck it up like I will suck down this coffee.

[ashhnicoletuck]

Tuesday, July 11th

I'm sitting in a coffee shop trying to focus on studying. The coffee has already worn off and I can't seem to focus. Why did I decide to go back to school again?

Not that there's anything wrong with school, but sometimes I wonder if it will matter to begin with. Will I gain the skills I'm trying to gain? What if it's all for nothing. What if I fail?

It's not like I'm in my early twenties anymore I can just keep changing my major over and over again until I find something I "like." I already have a job, and I have bills to worry about. There is an extreme of things I'm trying to figure out.

I know I should stay positive, but when some assignment stump me, or maybe I think I'm doing something right and turns out, it's completely wrong, it's hard to no feel defeated.

It's supposed to work out the way it's supposed to. I'll keep going. There's no point in stopping. It's not that far away from graduation. It's been a dream to walk a college graduation stage. It will happen, but to do that, you have to finish college.