ashlikestrash-blog

[ashlikestrash-blog]

Fukitol

LOOK NO FURTHER, HAVE I GOT THE DRUG FOR YOU!!! NO, NOT HEROIN. PUT THE FUCKING SPOON DOWN YOU CUCK. Fukitol may be right for you!

Are you tired of life!? Spiraling into suicidal depression!? Can't get your grades up!? Starving yourself to meet beauty standards!?

(Fukitol not liable for destroying your future)

[ashlikestrash-blog]

I honestly feel so depressed. I feel like I'm never going to have the body i want. I'm never going to be happy. Never going to be financially okay. I just feel so brought down and degected. I want to curl up in a ball and die.

[ashlikestrash-blog]

Reblog if you can grab the fat on your stomach.

With hard work and dedication I soon won’t.

[ashlikestrash-blog]

NO *slap* that's what got us into this mess of 200 lbs!

Me: reached goal weight

Also me: time for a binge!

A

[ashlikestrash-blog]

I've gone almost 2 weeks without binging now so almost there. 😎

21 days

It’s supposed to take 21 days before doing something becomes a habit. 

So just think. 

21 days without binging could be a lifetime of self-control.

21 days of not eating after 6 could mean always waking up skinny.

21 days of actually working out could mean a lifetime of thin.

21 days.

[ashlikestrash-blog]

Can u believe there are plants that are illegal Plants

Can you believe there is love that is illegal Love

[ashlikestrash-blog]

Oh to sit down hunched over and STILL not have rolls.

[ashlikestrash-blog]

IF THIS SHIT AIN'T ME IN A NUTSHELL I SWEAR

Spooky Scary ED Meme Skeletons

I use KakaoTalk and I found an emoticon pack with skeletons. This, of course, became the “Pro-Ana Emoticon Pack” and I made some memes:

[ashlikestrash-blog]

Normal eating is not a binge

1200 calories is not a binge

Normal eating is not a binge

1200 calories is not a binge

Normal eating is not a binge

1200 calories is not a binge

Normal eating is not a binge

[ashlikestrash-blog]

The Signs As Mythical Creatures

Aries: dragon (fiery, assertive, domineering)

Taurus: forest fairy (earthy, loving, creative)

Gemini: shapeshifter (ability to change form / mindset suddenly)

Cancer: werewolf (ruled by the moon, pack-mentality, loyal)

Leo: phoenix (associated with the sun, fire and royalty)

Virgo: unicorn (symbol of purity and grace, helpful / healers)

Libra: angel (values peace and harmony, loving)

Scorpio: vampire (dark, passionate, intense)

Sagittarius: centaur (strong, adventurous)

Capricorn: goblin (serious, methodical, mischievous, ambitious)

Aquarius: witch (inventive, rebellious, original)

Pisces: mermaid (dreamy, ethereal, water / fish sign)

TRUTH. Says the moon worshiper lol but for real tho holla to Selene that's my Goddess ❤❤❤⛦⛦♋☽🌕☾💯💯💯

[ashlikestrash-blog]

HEYOOOOOO

i’m feeling lonely so i’m going to isolate so i don’t beg anyone for attention because that’s manipulative and bad and it seems much better to just be quiet

[ashlikestrash-blog]

them: please tell me if this upsets you

me, not wanting to be manipulative: no it’s completely fine I 100% don’t mind. u do u💕

them: okay! So anyways how was your day?

me, bitter as all hell: fine.

[ashlikestrash-blog]

i need to lose 120 and you think 40 feels impossible. I CAN DO IT. YOU CAN DO IT. WE CAN ALL DO IT. IT IS POSSIBLE.

reblog if you need to lose 40 pounds or more I feel so alone and it feels so impossible

[ashlikestrash-blog]

They say scales are inconsistent, but mine has been consistently telling me I’m fat for far too long.

[ashlikestrash-blog]

Insomniac Thoughts

I have such a hard time sleeping. I am always awake at 3am. I lay there just staring at the wall trying to listen to soft music expecting it to lull me into unconsciousness. But it doesn't. I just don't feel tired. I will close my eyes for what feels like 45 minutes to an hour and my mind will race and count over the day's events. Which in my case is very little as I live with my mother and sister and they both work. Why don't I? Well it's funny you ask, imaginary other person. I don't work because the last job i tried to hold, was walmart. I was in training and was supposed to shadow this girl working the register. A middle aged woman began yelling at her. Her. Not me. And I broke down. Crying. Sobbing. I couldn't handle it. I quit the next day. I'm pretty sure I have a mild form of PTSD from my ex-fiancé and it sends me into a state of panic when i hear anyone yelling. Doesn't matter if it's at me or not.

So, I haven't been able to hold a job long enough to get insurance to help fix this problem. My next best thing is going to school to get insurance. That is being proven more difficult than expected. I don't have a license because I haven't had a permanent address and bills consistently for over 2 years. Again, due to my ex-fiancé. Long story filled with gaslighting, manipulation, drugs, liquor, and tears. Before that, I had grand mal seizures. For those that don't know, if your medical record states that you have had a seizure, your ability to get a license or have one, is revoked for 6 months. And by this time I had been in a major accident in a truck that rolled. A year later I was in another accident caused by my ex-fiancé. I am terrified of cars. They seem like giant death traps to me. But in order to live where I do, I HAVE to get a license.

So, fun times. This is my life right now. I can't date because I am 21 years old living with my mother and sister in a two bedroom apartment. I sleep on a twin mattress on the floor and I don't have a closet. Attractive right?

My best friend, we'll call her Ella, is working with me as my Ana buddy. She's about 100 lbs heavier than me but she works two jobs, walks EVERYWHERE, and has the determination of a superhero in a marvel comic book. She'll probably lose her weight very quickly. Me, I'm afraid of going outside during the day because there's people out there but I hallucinate during the night so that's a no go on outside exercise for me. Instead I stick to restricting my calorie intake below 600 calories every day. Slowly tapering off until i reach my goal. It's hard when I have nothing to do all day but wait for my college application to be replied to and smoke. It gets pretty lonely. But it's okay. I have my kitten Jynx and my sister's dog Banana(that's my nickname for her because she's happy and yellow and brown speckled like a bruised banana. She is best doggo.) Banana is a quiet, nervous, very affectionate doggo and I love her very much. She will lie on my bed and watch the window for my sister to get home while I draw. Jynx my one year old cat will spend her day sunbathing on the porch. She only wants my attention at night. Which is fine with me because that's when I like to lay down and cuddle her fluff.

I'm neurotic. Bipolar. Empathetic. Ruthless. Mean. Soft. Affectionate. Obsessive. Loving. I cry every time I watch Wolf Children. I hate sad movies because I don't trust myself not to act on the feelings that I will inevitably adopt from the characters. I repeat songs until I'm sick of them. I drink too much. I smoke too much. I've never been broken up with because I do it first. I've never had that heartbreak and I don't think I would survive it. That's why I do it first.

Well. It's now 4am and I'm still not tired. I may just sit here and wait until dawn. Watch the sun rise and begin a new day. If you read through all of this congratulations. ♡♡♡ you're awesome. I'm going to chug some water and lie down until the sun streams through my window.

Good morning everyone.

[ashlikestrash-blog]

Alright guys, this is me. 235 lbs. My lowest weight was 118 lbs. I am 5'6". I almost had my UG and I fucked it up over a goddamn relationship that crashed and burned. I've lost 6lbs since starting and I absolutely hate the way i look right now. I posted this because I know someone looking at this blog might be so intimidated by all these super thin beautiful people on it. You might think, "God there's no way my fat ass can do this..." but you're wrong. If i can start at 241 lbs, you can start too. Doesn't matter where you are. You can do this.

[ashlikestrash-blog]

Yes yes yes yes yes yes

I wanna get so skinny my mom stops and asks me “have you lost weight?” I want to be so skinny my friends stop and ask “whoa, how much weight have you lost?” I want to be so skinny people stop to look at my body in awe. I want to be so skinny my father looks at me and asks, “when’s the last time you ate?” I want to be so skinny my friends get concerned. I want to be so skinny everyone can’t stop looking at my body in concern/jealousy. I just want to be so skinny that if I do end up binge eating, the little weight I gain is like nothing.