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I wish I didn't make things so hard for myself

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Any other autistics find themselves in sensory hell when they are dirty/sweaty/greasy? Like, I can feel the grime all over my skin and I’m hyper-aware of how itchy and uncomfortable it is. I have to shower every day or else I’ll have a meltdown.

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when the autism is being an actual mental health problem instead of making me obsess over fictional characters again:

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I LOVE being autistic and trying to communicate because every time it’s

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I LOVE being autistic and trying to communicate because every time it’s

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the neurodivergent experience:

20% of the time: wowwieee!!! i love my passions and interests!!!!! they make me so happy i want to jump up and down!!!!! weee!!!!!!! :3333333333

80% of the time: this mind is a prison

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"It seems like your trauma became the house you live in now." - a random therapist on a wednesday morning

IT IS THE PLACE I CAN NEVER ESCAPE, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. IT IS THE PLACE WHERE PART OF ME DIED. A PART OF ME THAT I'LL NEVER GET BACK. I could try to explain but you wouldn't get it. Believe me I'd leave if I could.

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 Ginger Anyhow | Text Message Embroidery

“You’re welcome to come over when you’re done, if you haven’t any plans.”

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Isn't it interesting how living and dying are considered antonyms, yet they are parallels and, dare I say, in some ways, even synonyms? If you're living, it means you're dying — slowly or quickly, you're getting closer to death, whether inching forward or rushing headlong.

I understand that the dictionary tells us living and dying are antonyms because, on the surface, they’re framed and presented as mutually exclusive states: you’re either alive or you’re dead. It simplifies the human experience into neat and manageable boxes as if we move from one "phase" or "stage" to the next in a clean move.

But life doesn’t really work like that, does it? From the moment we begin, we’re also ending. We don’t go from "living" to "dying" as separate stages �� we are dying as we live. The dictionary, in its black and white rigid definitions, misses the poetry of it all.

musings on living and dying

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NOT EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE SOMETHING ELSE

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Journal page.

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you deserve better / and you know it

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I get scared when things are good. I know what it is like to lose it all again.

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the neurodivergent experience:

20% of the time: wowwieee!!! i love my passions and interests!!!!! they make me so happy i want to jump up and down!!!!! weee!!!!!!! :3333333333

80% of the time: this mind is a prison

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why can’t i step into the light?

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