ask-jaskier

[ask-jaskier]

Dear Jaskier🌹

Would you like to help me pick inspo for my ponysona??(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

💰

My, my! Those are some truly captivating cryptids you have there!

After thoroughly researching your public image, I must say, the top right equine in the forest is your best fit.

I absolutely adore the pink hair, and wish I could replicate it myself. Alas, the gods have not granted me that evolutionary gene. Perhaps one day if I ever cross your hoof-trodden path, you can share with me the secrets of your kind and your extravagant image!

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

I know dating someone who's ace is hard for most people. I'm ace myself (but I have no interest in dating.) Do you think you would date someone who was ace and monogamous? Do you value physical pleasure or an emotional connection more? I have a feeling I know the answers but we'll see. ;)

Ooh, this is a very good, but very delicate question.

I think compromise and compatibility are two key factors in a healthy relationship. However, it’s only unfortunate that we can’t always have both at the same time.

I don’t control who I fall in love with, and I’m more privy to love that lasts a week at maximum, rather than anything too dragged out. However, although I prioritise emotional compatibility, physical compatibility is also very important to me.

Now, this doesn’t mean I’d pressure anyone I fancy into anything they don’t want to do. It also doesn’t mean I’d make them feel bad or judge them harshly for who they are.

It simply means we aren’t physically compatible, which is perfectly okay! Perhaps if there was a compromise of pursuing alternative routes for myself whilst in the relationship to keep…uh, satisfied, we could stay together.

However, I understand this isn’t an option for many, which is completely fine! We’re all different, and have to stay true to ourselves — especially in a romantic relationship, as that’s often where we’re most vulnerable.

To answer your question, I don’t value emotional nor physical connection over one another. For me, there has to be a balance. Personally, I need both to feel satisfied in a relationship.

If the person on the other end of my affections can’t fulfil both, then it is no hard feelings towards them. I’ll simply respect who they are, and part ways amicably.

I love everyone for who they are! I also love them enough to let them go and flourish with another partner, who’s more compatible with them on every front than I am.

Thank you for the thought-provoking question, dear heart!

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

Hi Jaskier! I am struggling mentality and emotionally due to personal reasons.. one of those reasons I might tell you is because I am deeply in love with you, but I feel that you cannot return my love due to your love for a certain Witcher, which makes me deeply heartbroken.. so can I please have some advise on what you do when you’re struggling emotionally with a broken heart.. 😭🥺💔 thank you, dear bard!

Hello, dear heart!

Firstly, I am so terribly sorry your mind is heavy with the many grievances life throws at us.

I suppose, the only consolation is the knowledge Destiny has a plan for us all, and sometimes, in order to fulfil these plans, you have to take a ten foot tumble off of a rocky cliff.

I’ve been there many, many, many times. You never know what awaits you at the bottom, though.

The weight of a broken heart is simply suffocating. I have felt it before, and it isn’t fun in the slightest.

I understand that every breath feels like an unrewarded effort, for it causes more pain to your heart than it breeds peace.

It’s always involuntary, and often long-lived.

Some say the only cure is time. I find this to be only half true. Sure; time will pass, and with each passing day the weight may grow lighter.

However, what counts most is what you’re doing during the time that passes.

Find an outlet for your pain. Find something you can create — not because of your hurt, but in spite of it.

Show your broken heart all you are and more because of what its done to you.

I poured myself into my music when at my worst.

I remember crying over someone, and I don’t mean a couple of tears and being blue. I’m talking about collapsing and screaming at the moon, asking over and over why he did it.

That’s where my music was born, and I weaved a product of my heartbreak which I could show for generations to come, show them I’m a better man for having gone through it.

Your heart likes to trick you. It sometimes tells you the weight will never lift. But it’s lying.

Time is going to pass anyways. You might as well spend it treating the hurt with something you can create, something you can award yourself at the very end as a show of vindication over your pain.

Master your pain, and you master your trade.

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

If you were stranded on an island, what 3 things would you bring? And you'll probably hate me for the next sentence I'm about to write. You can't bring your lute.

My dear anonymous darling, I could never hate you, but I had written an ENTIRE response out in my head, detailing the many variants of lutes I would take with me to a marooning.

Well, with that cruel rule in place, I find the answer is actually quite simple.

You see, if I were stranded anywhere, let alone an island, there truly are only three things I would need in order to survive:

Geralt, Ciri, and Yennefer.

Geralt, with those lumberjack arms, would be an absolute asset in building shelter and garnering resources.

As for our little Cirilla…to be honest, don’t tell anyone, but I actually don’t know what the fuck she does. But it’s powerful.

Not that I’ve been keeping count, but life post-Ciri joining our motley crew has seen me almost dying a number of roughly 7.5 times on average.

A lot of people seem to be after her. Again, I don’t know why. No one tells me anything other than their daily complaints and unwarranted criticism.

If you hang around Ciri long enough, chances are someone will eventually come to kidnap her, and potentially lead you all back to civilisation.

I do believe the witch speaks for herself. I’ve seen her make portals before, I’m sure she could just “abracadabra” us back home.

If not, it means she’s useless and it means I’m also right, and have been for decades. Don’t tell her that, though. I’m not scared, but… Okay, I am scared. In my defence, have you seen her?

Alas! Indeed, if I were stranded on an island, I’d take Geralt, Ciri, and Yennefer with me, as I can certainly imagine I wouldn’t be stranded for long in their company, one way or another.

I bet I could also sit back and relax the entire time. A beach complexion, rolled up pants, and rum, anyone?

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

Oh Jaskier *fangirling noises* you are my fave bard (I’m sure you hear these words A LOT 😌) BUT how did you survive the loss of Filavandrel’s lute? It was a pure beauty😭 if I were you, I’d be sobbing hysterically till the end of my days 🥺 It was an honourable act, our sweet, brave bard 💖

- @errruvande

Dear heart, I find life is best lived when not moaning over the losses of our past!

If I were forever grieving the loss of that sweet, refined wood, delicately engraved gold, perfect stringed beauty… Okay, on second thought, I’m STILL LIVID!

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND TAKES AWAY A MAN’S SENSE OF SEMBLANCE?

That lute was a GIFT! A GIFT from the Elves! Do you think just anyone has such a repertoire with them?

Oh-ho-ho, trust my rage on this one; if I am ever cast into my own revenge-filled quest, expedited, preferably, I’ll wrap my little, slightly fire-scarred but still handsome, hands around that lava twit’s head, and—

…

Ahem, Geralt says I need to calm down, because it’s still only early morning and apparently my porridge is suffering the full brunt of my wrath.

…They’re all looking at me, this is embarrassing.

Alas, that lute was a beauty, a jewel among the rocks of other instruments I’m now besuited with.

If I forever lived in the glory of the past, though, I’d find myself a silent man, for there are still many lutes out there left for me to strum, and I’m sure I can build a working relationship with them to deliver my songs further.

Sincerely,

P.S. Do you think Filavandrel would give me another lute if I asked nicely?

[ask-jaskier]

i'm kinda struggling to write an ending to my story and i was wondering if you had any advice

It looks to me as though you need a good ‘ol case of Death of the Author.

This, of course, implies your story is a gift for someone, and that once given, you cut all ties with it beyond observing the reactions it invokes in the receiver, receiver being your audience.

You need to wrap your gift up with a nice little pièce de résistance. Is it perhaps a silver bow that matches the silver jewellery inside?

Find an ending that compliments your beginning. Is your character someone different than who they were at the start? Highlight that.

Perhaps you could mirror an important scene from the early chapters that shows how far the story has come, whether through morals or physical distance?

Outside of creative text, a conclusion is used to sum an entire piece up, whether it be an argument, point, or fact.

You can apply this to your story, too.

Okay, so you’ve reached the end of the story. What have we, as an audience, the person you’re gifting this story to, learned? What have we gained? What am I walking away with?

Am I inspired by how far the protagonist has come, being briefly reminded by a few words or mirrored scenes of who they were at the beginning of the story in contrast to who they are now at the end?

Am I learning an important lesson? Have I been told to think on a pensive thought through a rhetorical end question?

You’re at the finishing line, so ensure the race has all been for something! Make sure there is a prize! Whether it’s self-reflection, a lesson, or inspiration — your audience has by now been with you since the start of the journey you brought them down. You’d best reward them.

I find tracing my footsteps back to what originally inspired the start of my story is a good place to rediscover the ending, whether it’s another piece of writing, a place you feel most creative, or even music!

Good luck, and I do hope to be a receiver of your gift when it’s ready!

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

What's the worst song you've ever written?

Toss a Coin to Your Witcher, without a doubt.

Had I known the hand my stupid song would’ve played in the plight against the Elves at the time of its bastard conception, I’d never have written it.

I was young when I wrote it — fresh out of school, in fact, so my take on lyricism at the time was messy and uncoordinated. I was more infatuated with the idea of the guts and glory of war than the actual ramifications battle brings.

I cringe when I hear it now, and wish I could go back and change the lyrics. But I can’t do that, no one can… I think, at least.

All I can do now to rectify my reckless naïvety of my eighteen-year-old self is assist the refugee Elves, and limit the consequences of war anywhere else I can.

It still doesn’t feel like enough, though.

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

There's this guy that I kinda, maybe, sorta, low-key have a crush on. Do you think there's any way to find out if maybe he likes me to without me having to actually ask him or admit to him yet how I feel?

Oh fuck, we’ve all been there, dear heart.

I’m afraid I haven’t any news you’re probably hoping for me to bless your little lovestruck ears with.

The quickest way to get someone’s honest answer is to ask the honest question in the first place.

Loitering around sentence streets and dancing around prickly word bushes is a sure-fire way to open both your paths to misinterpretation.

Even enlisting a third party to act on your behalf can result in fumbled lies to cover the asked person’s own ass, if they aren’t open to telling anyone who isn’t you, which they usually aren’t.

Unfortunately, tragically, the only way to really find out what this fellow is thinking in regards to you is to confront him and ask. There’s no way around it.

If you like someone, you need to take charge and tell them how you feel. What’s the worst that could happen? They say no?

Okay, sure; you may spend a night indulging in carbohydrates, or writing one too many ballads about the misfortunes of being the frankly very loveable underdog, but alas, isn’t that better than spending weeks pouring yourself into an ocean of anxiety over the unknown?

Good luck! Do update me should anything progress!

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

Are you in love with a grumpy snowman named Geralt?

That’s a, uh… That’s a really good question, with a really good answer, if you just give me a moment to prepare my response.

Ummm…

Well, I of course love him. He’s my best friend, after all. I mean, you’d have to love him, wouldn’t you? Spending years walking alongside him, through blistering heat, blooming flowers, falling leaves, and drizzling icicles.

You wouldn’t do that for someone you didn’t love, right?

But you’re asking if I’m in love with him, which feels an entirely different question to the answer I’m giving you.

I’m more privy to conversations than Geralt, so I’m the only one in this dynamic who’s given it much thought, but I do consider him my “person”, if you will.

We have a profound relationship, no matter what the fucker says. I’d be lost without him, and I know for a fact I elevate his quality of life, even if it’ll take him a few more decades to admit.

I think there’s many different layers to love, and what I have for him may not be on the level he has with Yennefer, but I’m definitely a petal on the flower of his inner-circle.

For me, he’s the entire garden bed.

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

Do you want to have children in the future? Or marrying somebody and settling down?

Gods, when I actually have time off the road, I find this question settling in the forefront of my mind a lot.

See, I’m more taken with the idea of legacies than most, I’d wager. That’s why I love my music and my platform; I’m able to create something with my own hands and heart and know it’ll live on forever, in one way or another.

I suppose that’s what people presume when they have children, too. Except there’s a little more than hands involved… Perhaps the only incentive to rearing a toddler in the first place!

I’ve had plenty of practice making kids, and I’ve been told once or twice I have a tot wandering in a distant town I’ve visited in the past, but the idea of raising a child from conception to adulthood feels a little… overdone?

Perhaps I don’t want a child, but I would LOVE an apprentice!

I’ve been watching Geralt and Yennefer with Ciri a lot lately, and it’s awakened a certain dream in me.

Imagine this: a hoard of little orphans, led by me, taught the greatest compositions of all time.

Perhaps that’s what I would consider settling down! I could leave another musical legacy by raising the next generation of bards!

I could host my own school! Perhaps in affiliation with Oxenfurt!

I think through answering your question I’ve answered some of my own I didn’t even know I had.

You’ve given me lots to think about, dear heart… I need a pen. And paper. STAT!

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

What made you choose an instrument like the lute over other, more chaotic instruments like a kazoo or a keytar?

To be perfectly honest, I think if I’d invited anything such of the sort as mentioned by you formerly into my home, my parents would’ve sent me further away than Oxenfurt, just to spare their own ears.

I started music young, so a lot was chosen for me, in terms of what I’d play and when I’d play it and how.

Originally, they wanted me to play the piano, believe it or not! Okay, you probably could believe that. I do have a flair for those keys, after all. We don’t all need the hysterectomy from hell to produce magic, you know.

However, I found sitting down in one place for an extended period of time was too boring and rigid.

‘Oh, how exciting. I get to play the same exact sonnet as yesterday morning. Again. And sit in the same exact spot for three hours. Again.’

Then one day, at school, the lute was introduced in our lesson!

I could sing and strum and the music would follow me wherever I went!

On top of tables? Chairs? Water fountains? The girls lavatory?

For once, my music was as free-footed as me, and as transportable as myself, so long as my little feet worked well.

It’s been true love ever since.

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

I wish I was beautiful enough for you, Jaskier! But I am guessing you don’t like cis women 😔

I’ve lain with a wonderful woman of ogre descent formerly, and she was just as beautiful when I woke up the next morning as she was the night before, when I was under the influence of bad ale and yak stew.

Every woman on this continent and misty seas beyond is a gift sent from above. Except Yennefer. Yennefer was sent from down below somewhere.

To be perfectly fair, you don’t need a set criteria to be a bard’s muse. Well, not this bard, at least.

I can’t promise chemistry through writing, but I can freely admit to falling in love with people of all backgrounds and types across the span of my life.

I have no doubt that you are more radiant than the sunset before me as I write this. Please do not place the key to your happiness in my pocket, or anyone else’s!

With every godforsaken twat being birthed from sewer canals in this world, women need to know their worth before said ratty man comes along and tries to convince you lower.

You truly are a jewel to me, and I’d write a song in your honour if not so far away!

However, there’s no distance music can’t cover.

Allow my good friend and fellow bard here to say what I can’t.

I dedicate this song to you, dear heart!

Love yourself as I would love you (well, maybe not exactly like me, but alas.)

We may never cross paths, but know there’s someone out there dying to love you, and hopes you’ll love them back just the same amount. And that person is within you right now.

All the best, jewel <3

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

Mr Jaskier Sir, how do you tell if you're truly in love with someone?

Oh-ho-ho, bitten by the pink bug of romance, are we? I must have bed bugs, because I seem to have a problem with this.

Fortunately for you, I have been down this road many times, and know every pebble, groove, and prickly bush along the way.

Once you know what to look out for, like the difference between edible and inedible berries on said prickly bush, it becomes easier and easier to identify the more you carry on with life and the road you’ve selected to walk down.

Now, firstly, you’ll get shakes and shivers you can’t ignore. Not too unlike the nerves you might get before going on stage to perform.

You’ll want to throw up, but there’s this unshakable sense of excitement and urgency to rush out and tackle the experience head-on.

Of course, if you did do this on stage, you would trip head over heels, wouldn’t you? Eh? Eh?

Sorry, I’m a tad obsessed with idioms.

Back to you.

After this initial overwhelming sense of shakes and shivers, your perspective on the world and life itself will start to shift. It may not be noticeable at first, but one day it’ll be unavoidable.

Whereas before you may have only been concerned with running free and living the day according to what you want in the moment, the second your perspective shifts from that of a singular into the rose-tinted lenses of two, well, you may start to imagine someone else running free alongside you.

All of a sudden, all of your lonesome plans are unwillingly accompanied by another in your visions. You start subconsciously planning for two, instead of one.

When near them or thinking of them, I’m sure you never would’ve felt your heart beat so fast. It isn’t from fear, because I’m sure you know what that feels like. It’s a different type of urgency inside, the thrill of the unknown.

‘Do they like me?’ ‘Will they sweep me into a huge kiss right now?’ ‘Can they smell my pheromones?’ ‘Oh gods, what if they don’t like me back?’ ‘Are they feeling what I’m feeling right now, or is it all in my head?’

The unknown naturally piques a human’s curiosity. The need to follow that unknown is too strong for our little hearts to resist.

When you think of them, you simply want them to be happy, and you start to wonder if you could be the one to grant them some of that happiness.

You may even think of them first, and yourself last.

For the first time in forever, something in your life is better than a dream. You don’t need to make up scenes in your head, or read a book. The feeling you get from both is simply already present in your life.

They’ll make you warm and happy inside. They’ll smile, and you might get dizzy and starry-eyed.

Chances are you can hardly speak, whenever they simply say, “Hi!”

The best indicator of all, though? You suddenly feel as though you’ve found someone who maybe, just maybe, can help you tackle life’s everyday dramas and dilemmas, by simply partnering up with you and daring the world to try you both.

Good luck, dear heart. I hope this unknown bud you’re sowing grows into a love!

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

Love is...

Both the solution and the problem. Although, some people only recognise it as one or the other, not both.

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

Jaskier, I have aspirations to be a bard, so I came to the best. What should I do?

Ah, a young musical sapling! Always a delight!

Well, being a bard isn’t just one thing — it’s many things rolled into one chaotic life of rapture, ruin, and… really, really interesting adventures (there aren’t many synonyms for adventure that begin with ‘r’, go figure.)

Throughout your endeavours as a bard, you’ll be tasked with studying notes, musical theory and history, thematic interpretation, poetry, grammar, an instrument or two of choice, scales and arpeggios as well as much, much more.

However, that all seems like a lot, so let’s make it more simple.

Creating music is a bard’s way of giving someone a gift, whether that be a friend, your mother or the world itself.

It’s our language, and like any language, people are going to have their own voice.

Don’t try to replicate someone else’s voice. Not only does it do you no good, it’s a sure fast way to get socked in the jaw at whatever tavern you’re singing at by the original artist (believe me — been there, done that.)

Musical theory and notes mean nothing if you can’t express them through sound.

Find what matters most to you, and an instrument that speaks loudest to your heart.

For me, it’s the lute.

That instrument and your voice alone are the only tools you need to begin work as a bard. Everything else is systematic and can be studied at whatever library takes your fancy (local is better, and easier.)

What can’t be taught, however, is that little voice inside you, the one making words up on the spot, even if you’re not paying attention.

I was really young once (well, I still am), and I remember walking through the woods, down by the river. I came across a marvellous willow tree, and climbed it for hours.

I was aware of this little voice at the back of my head, exclaiming joyous things and details of the tree. From there, a little hum formed, and not before long, I had my own little ballad about the tree chorusing out from me.

Granted, it was shit. I think my father may have slapped me a few times in order to shut me up.

But, it was my voice — my voice’s beginning, and every bard has a beginning.

Don’t be too hard on yourself the first few years. These things don’t happen over night. You’ll probably be shit at first, too, like me.

Find your voice and an instrument that calls you (a little mouse once told me even spoons can be an instrument), and the rest will follow.

Oh, and don’t listen to people you don’t want to replicate. A drunken old haggard arse telling you your chords are off note? Fuck him. A well-respected bard with a few popular ballads of his own? Well, possibly worth listening to.

As a professor of mine once said: Opinions are like assholes, which everybody’s got.

Good luck, and I look forward to your musical career! Please feel free to check back in with anything you’ve created! I would love to hear a sample.

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]

what is Jaskier

The most successful graduate out of all of Oxenfurt Academy. Was any of Shani’s work celebrated across The Continent? Okay, yes, maybe it was, but did she have her own Witcher?! Okay, she may have stolen mine for a minute, BUT STILL!

They ought to dedicate a section of that damn library to me, considering how much time Professor What’s-His-Face made me spend in there.

Were you looking for something more poetic, perhaps? Philosophical? My mind is buzzing.

Sincerely,

[ask-jaskier]