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Does anyone want to see the Incredibly Cursed thing I found on Facebook Marketplace while looking for puppy stuff?

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Ey yo mod pony reveal

Jk jk my persona stays a human... Thing

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Is this the price I pay for maintaining harmony, dear sister?

I hope you can forgive me in a thousand moons.

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My wife, @foldingfittedsheets: It's obscene how much salads cost. They're just leaves!

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My beloved @aorryn47 and I met on a dating site. They were one of my top personality matches. Unbeknownst to me Richard helped them game the system to get really high matches. We chatted for a bit and somehow ended up talking about laundry. I admitted that I smell test my shirts and could go a really long time between washes because I didn’t really sweat. This was a bad thing actually, and I sweat now, don’t worry.

They then abruptly stopped talking to me. I was like. :( oh. I’m a gross lil guy, I didn’t think it was that weird but maybe I should wash my clothes more even if they don’t smell. I continued on with my dating escapades.

Then about a week and a half later they were like, “Hey, I hate talking on here, do you just want to meet up?”

I agreed to coffee but somehow assumed that meant breakfast. This would lead to a contentious years long debate that I lost about my assumption that coffee meant breakfast. My beloved generously ordered soup so I wasn’t eating alone. I showed up half an hour early because it was a new location and I get anxious about being late.

I waited in my car, reading a bit to pass the time. After a while I stepped out to head inside. The car that had been parked next to me pretty much the whole time I’d be waiting also opened, and there was my beloved. Equally early.

I felt like that was a pretty good sign.

I generally just chatter when I meet people and they liked not having to fill the silence. I talked about finding blood on showroom mattresses and they told me about being an acupuncture student.

By the time I had to leave to meet an exterminator at my place I knew I’d like to spend more time with them. So I invited them over for board games while we waited for someone to come deal with my ant problem. They agreed.

When they got to my place I wanted them to meet my cat. Leeloo is an oddball and one thing that consistently makes her like visitors is if they sit on the bed. So I ushered my beloved to the bedroom and urged them to sit on the bed so Leeloo would come up and be friendly.

I would learn later that this was viewed as a potential way to put the moves on them which flabbergasted me. I just wanted my cat to say hi, which she did. But when I write the words I asked someone on a first date to sit on my bed to meet my cat I do hear how it sounds.

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Percussive maintenance

Almond’s repair methods can be a bit.. questionable

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This HAS to have been done already, surely

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I’m doing a little zodiac constellation thing and I’ve gotten all the constellations superimposed over their symbol. But I cannot get the Libra stars superimposed over a scale cause it’s asymmetrical. Driving me crazy cause all the others are doneeee. Stupid symmetry. My Achilles heel.

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Reblog, click the picture, and prepare for battle.

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It always amuses me when I see people at the market or the spaceport or wherever wearing cloaks.

Not capes, but actual cloaks. With the hood up and everything.

Come on, bro. We're not ignoring you because you're so good at being stealthy that you blend in seamlessly with the local populations. We're ignoring you because the only people who wear cloaks with the hoods up are criminals and Jedi, and most people don't want anything to do with either of those.

Why not go ahead and wear a t-shirt that says "There's a bounty on my head!" It will give the same impression as the cloak but it'll be much more comfortable in the summer months.

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thinking about the japanese racehorse who was such a failgirl she became a folk hero for losers

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bert and ernie go to ikea

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reblog to bap prev with your paw

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villain: who are you?

bruce: I am batman––

baby-dick: *appearing out of nowhere* and I am hungry.

bruce: ...

villain: ...

baby-dick: can we get mcdonalds after this?