ask-the-blaiddyd-relic

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

But by GOD is he trying.

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

*stands her back up* Some people can be so rude...

Indeed they can, thank you.

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

*Tips her over*

... Why.

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

*Sets up one of those cartoon traps where there's a slice of cake under a box being held up by a stick*

I??? Have no legs??? What is this supposed to do??? /*agitated rattling*/

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

*A weird, horse-like creature puts an unidentified meat morsel on Areadbhar's blade.*

Ooooo, this is new... /*intrigued rattling*/

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

*hands her a rattling jar of bones, they’re not nabatean bones but they sure are haunted* i feel that this may be intriguing for you lady areadbhar.

Aww, a friend! Thank you Azure!

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

Hello Sister! It is good to see you. I hope you have been doing well. *She looks happy at seeing Areadbhar. Or at least, as happy as a shield can look. * -Aegis Shield

/*overjoyed rattling*/ It’s good to see you as well, sister!

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

As you wish your grace, i will be around if you need me to do things

My thanks.

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

Would you like me for find more?

This will suffice for now.

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

*offers the tastiest meat ever to exist* will this do?

Yes, very nicely. /*rattles happily*/

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

*offers an apple for the pretty lance lady* i hope you like apples!

I don’t mind them, but again - I’m a dragon, so most of my preferred diet is meat.

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

-"Little mortal"- Quite an assumption to make.

Big mortal then.

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

I can sense your agitation, Dimitri... Let’s go save your friend, shall we? /*expectant rattling*/

Hey, remember when Marianne warned you about those Hyena Guys? Well, guess who they kidnapped?

No.. it can’t be! They’ve taken her?! If they’re anything like the enemies we’ve faced before then…

Those bastards! *he slams his fist into the wall next to him anger, seemlingly unaffected by the small hole he left behind* Where did they take her?! Is she hurt?! Grrrr… I swear by the Goddess if they’ve hurt her, I’ll rip them all to shreds with my own to hands. I swear it. Hmph, nevermind you. I’ll go find them myself. All filthy rats smell the same anyways, I’ll find them by their vile stench alone. If you’re going to stand there gaping at me, you might as well make yourself useful and call Dedue with some backup. It’s time to go hunting again. *he leaves to retrieve Areadbhar form the armory without another word*

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

Lady Aredbhar! It’s been some time since I’ve spoken to you, how have you been? Oh, and before I forget, here. *impales her blade with a hearty slice of turkey* I hope you enjoy this as well.

Hmm, poultry, not a variety native to Faerghus either... I like it.

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

I've been good! Been really worried about everyone, though. There's so much happening, what with the kidnapping and poisoning and stabbing and imposters. Do you think everyone will be alright Miss Areadbhar? I'm kinda scared...

I think they will be fine. I also think the archbishop needs to hire better guards.

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

*I pales bear meat on her blade* I hope you enjoy it :) How have you been? I hope you've been well.

I have been well, and you?

[ask-the-blaiddyd-relic]

How're you doing Areadbhar? It's been waaaay too long... I got bear meat, I don't know if you like bear, but if you want some, I will give you some :)

Oooo, yes please.