ask-the-king-baby

[ask-the-king-baby]

Any favourite companions that youve went with [ie players, familiars, etc.]

KING BABY: "Well, Lady Lilith is quite kind. She's very supportive, and I appreciate her companionship very much. I also respect her skills as a leader. We make quite a team!"

KING BABY: "As for my compatriots, well, some of them are more respectful than others, but we can put our differences aside to assist the Cyclists, and I can respect those who are adept in combat ability. Brim, Inc, and Monst all stand out as very effective fighters! Especially when under my guidance. Really, I don't know what they'd do without me."

Cain glares at King Baby.

CAIN: "I still think that's a stupid name. 'Cyclists'. What, do we ride bicycles? 'Runners' is cooler."

[ask-the-king-baby]

Since you seem to be able to be bought from the shop too, how often are you bought from there? How would you rate the runs you go on after being bought?

KING BABY: "Oh, well, despite being king, it seems that SOME of my subjects could afford to learn a lesson in respect."

He glares at Cain. Cain just smirks back.

KING BABY: "I do get out. I've been to depths you'd never imagine, and fought threats unlike anything you've ever seen. I just need the right team. I'm a leader, not a fighter."

Cain loudly whispers in response.

CAIN: "He means that without any more of his little friends, all he can manage are teeny tiny tear shots."

KING BABY: "My powers require concentration!"

He turns to face the corner and huffs.

[ask-the-king-baby]

Hi Cain! Any luck on your run so far?

Cain leans back and smiles.

CAIN: "Oh, you sounds like you know what you're talking about. Well, I've had plenty of luck. Picked up Midas Touch and Piggy Bank on the way here, so I'm swimming in cash. Unfortunately, there's..."

He looks at King Baby, who has returned to his seat atop the donation machine.

CAIN: "...not exactly much to buy here."

[ask-the-king-baby]

So, my lord... why do you hang out in the shop, exactly?

KING BABY: "Well, this is where I live, silly. The Basement is a dangerous place, and though I frequently brave it, I still need a place of respite! I live here, in the shops, and in exchange for a home, I assist the shopkeepers by offering my employ to their customers! At a reasonable price, of course. As far as the Basement goes, this is one of the more comfortable places to stay."

Suddenly, a massive thud, as though something large has fallen to the ground, is heard a couple of rooms over.

SHOPKEEPER: "Speak of the devil. Sounds like another Cyclist is around."

The shopkeeper heads over to the still-open door and shuts it. A lock appears on the door. Then, he walks to the front of the room, stretches one last time, and takes a seat.

KING BABY: "Oh, boy!"

He flies over to his spot on the ground and sits down.

Like before, sounds of combat can be heard in the distance, growing closer and closer, and pausing outside. A faint jingling. Then, suddenly, the door is loudly thrown open. In walks a boy wearing a small eyepatch. He has a piggy bank strapped to his chest, and his skin is speckled with gold. He speaks loudly and enthusiastically, as if showing off, but his voice is a bit lower pitched than you'd expect, with a bit of a sarcastic edge to it.

???: "Heeeeere we are!"

He looks to the item selection, and his eyebrows instantly furrow.

???: "Ugh. You."

KING BABY: "Yes. Me!"

He crosses his arms.

???: "Yeah, no thanks. Not in the market for a familiar run right now. I've lots of money, and better things to spend it on."

He scans the room, and notices the mysterious machine in the corner. He goes over to take a look.

???: "Ey, what's up with this? New kind of slot machine?"

KING BABY: "They talk! Like a fortune machine!"

The eyepatch kid looks at him with a bored expression.

???: "Yawn. If I wanted to waste money on pointless advice, I'd be throwing coins at Beth."

KING BABY: "No, it's free! They ask a lot of questions, but they're very nice."

The kid looks puzzled. He skims over the text on the screen. It looks like some kind of text-based console, with all the prior questions listed out.

???: "Huh. But it's got a coin slot? Whatever. Alright then. Not a lot of free things down here. I'll try my luck. Could use a break anyway."

He taps on the screen.

???: "Hello? This thing on?"

CAIN: "Name's Cain. Got anything interesting to say?"

Cain is now available for questions.

[ask-the-king-baby]

Wait, you have a boss? A king of kings- Who's that...

The shopkeeper smiles.

SHOPKEEPER: "Nah, not his boss. MY boss. The big man upstairs, Ultra Greed. He's the one who keeps all of this running, and keeps the upper management in order. Does a pretty good job at it."

King Baby scoffs at this.

KING BABY: "I despise him. He acts as though I am beneath his notice! Me! Could you imagine? I revel every opportunity I get to accompany one of our customers in battling him. If I was not honor-bound to offer my services here, I would have thrown him down for good long ago."

The shopkeeper laughs at this, but turns it into a cough.

SHOPKEEPER: "I'm sure you would've, 'your majesty'. But, alas, he's the boss. Without him, we wouldn't be able to keep our shops running. You wouldn't want that, would you?"

King Baby grumbles angrily, but says nothing.

[ask-the-king-baby]

King baby, why do you feel that familiars need monarchal rule in the first place?

Have you ever met one whom you could not tame, or who you felt best to let run free?

King Baby gasps.

KING BABY: "Why, this throne is my birthright! I am the rightful ruler of this Basement, and my inherent abilities make me uniquely suited to lead my people in combat. I am a great king, and how DARE you suggest otherwise."

KING BABY: "As for that, well, not every one among my people requires my aid. Some wish not to fight. Some fight so differently or erratically that there is not much I can do for them. And that is, I suppose, respectable. Although..."

He crosses his arms and sighs angrily.

KING BABY: "There are SOME in the Basement who wish to defy, or even undermine my rule. And one day, oh, one day they WILL pay."

[ask-the-king-baby]

So, who's the king of UNfamiliars then?

King Baby gives a hearty laugh.

KING BABY: "Oh, silly machine. There's no such thing as an 'unfamiliar'! How funny."

The shopkeeper shakes his head with another chuckle.

SHOPKEEPER: "I mean, I suppose if you mean the things that aren't familiars, depends. We have a boss."

King Baby groans.

KING BABY: "Speak not of him. I dislike him and his... attitude."

[ask-the-king-baby]

So...are you, the king of all babies? The infant lord? The monarch of incredibly small children? Is that your deal?

KING BABY: "Well, I am the king of the familiars! Many in number, this Basement is our domain! We traverse it without fear, offering assistance to those who cannot assist themselves. And, as their humble leader, this Basement is MY domain, as well. To the deepest depths I have descended, and come back unscathed. It is dangerous, but with his people, a king must fight!"

The shopkeeper says nothing, but gives a light chuckle. King Baby doesn't seem to notice.

[ask-the-king-baby]

Welcome to Ask King Baby & co.!

Current location: A shop in Basement 2.

Available for asks: King Baby, a Shopkeeper, Cain

Important tags:

#YOUR FATE DIVERGES - In-character posts.

#THE STARS ARE CALLING - Out-of-character posts.

Welcome to this blog! This is an askblog based on The Binding of Isaac, specifically focused on the character of King Baby, a collectible item from the original game. There's going to be a lot of focus on niche, obscure corners of the game's universe and lore, so expect a lot of characters with little-to-no screentime or relevance in the original game.

Rules:

No magic anon asks, for the time being. This may change at some point during the story.

Keep asks appropriate.

As there is only one person running this blog, please be patient. I'll try to update it when I have the time to.

[ask-the-king-baby]

In a small, locked, wooden room, buried deep underground, a dried-up corpse sits, motionless. Its eyes are empty sockets. Its skin is grey and withered.

Before it sits a variety of objects. A key, a bomb, a still-beating heart, a tarot card, and a small ladder, all marked with prices in cents. In one corner of the room sits a machine with a large sign, reading "DONATION", above a three-digit counter and a coin slot. The number is somewhere in the three hundreds.

In the other corner sits a similar machine, but different. It bears a scuffed, but sleek dark blue appearance, and some kind of digital monitor, which appears to be powered off. It, too, has a coin slot.

The room sits quiet. Nothing moves, save for a couple tiny flies.

Then, suddenly, a scuffle can be heard a couple rooms away. Grunts and impacts. The growls of strange beasts. Continued footsteps. The noise draws closer and closer, and pauses outside the room. A faint jingling is audible, and then the door is unlocked.

A girl with long, black hair enters. She seems mostly unremarkable, aside from a large-ish red fly circling around her, following at a distance. She looks at the assortment of items on the ground and rolls her eyes. She looks disappointed. Reluctantly, she takes the key, dropping some pennies on the ground in its place. They seem to vanish. Before she leaves, she drops two more into the machine marked "DONATION". She briefly looks at the blue machine, but dismisses it.

After briefly locking eyes with the corpse sitting at the head of the room, she takes her leave.

The continued sounds of combat can be heard in the distance for a while, but eventually, they fade away to nothing. The room is quiet once more.

Quiet, that is, until the corpse suddenly lurches forward. Shuddering and trembling, it rises to its feet, hunched forward, before abruptly leaning back into a full-body stretch.

???: "Mreh… Took her long enough."

The corpse speaks, to no one in particular. It walks across the room, and leans down to the floor, feeling around for something. Then, it lifts up a floorboard, revealing a lever, which it pulls. Holes suddenly appear in the floor, and the left-over items disappear into them. New holes appear in the ceiling, and a new assortment of odds and ends deposit from them. Four in total. However, there appears to be an empty spot, and one of the holes in the ceiling refuses to disappear. The corpse examines the hole.

???: "…Hello? Anyone up there?"

A couple more moments pass. The corpse looks somewhat irritated. Then, rather abruptly, a small blue creature comes flying out, and instead of stopping on the ground, begins to fly about the room. The corpse chuckles and mutters under its breath.

???: "Hoo boy."

The blue creature finally comes to a rest, seated atop the "DONATIONS" machine. It appears similar to an infant, but with dark blue skin. Its body tapers off at the waist, with no legs to speak of; only a small, pointed, tail-like protrusion. It has no mouth. Its eyes appear to be cartoonishly X-ed out, as if it were deceased, and on its head, it wears a small, golden crown. The creature somehow speaks, projecting with great bravado and assuming a heroic pose.

KING BABY: "Fear not, loyal citizen! Your king has arrived!"

The corpse watches this with mild amusement before responding, in a somewhat insincere tone of voice.

???: "Well, hello, King Baby. What brings 'your highness' here today?"

King Baby chuckles.

KING BABY: "Why, you know why I am here! I am here to assist you, humble shopkeeper, to offer my services to your customers, to aid them through this labyrinth. Is that not why I am always here?"

The shopkeeper, smiling, makes a show of responding as if the King had pointed out something of great significance.

SHOPKEEPER: "Oh, of course. Excuse my ignorance, 'your majesty'."

King Baby seems to smile (despite his lack of mouth), his eyes arching upwards in satisfaction.

KING BABY: "Worry not, dear compatriot. I promise you, we will surely make a sale together on this fine day."

The shopkeeper regards King Baby with a smirk, before walking to the other end of the room to lean against the wall, stretching.

SHOPKEEPER: "Well, we've got some time to kill before the next customer. Make yourself comfortable. I need a hell of a stretch. Sitting still for that long really locks up the joints."

He scans the room as he stretches, only to falter for a second. It appears the blue machine in the corner has turned on, the screen now lit up.

SHOPKEEPER: "Huh?"

The shopkeeper approaches the strange machine. It displays some kind of command prompt console, with two short messages.

"CONNECTION ESTABLISHED." "AWAITING INPUT…"

The shopkeeper looks upon the machine in surprise.

SHOPKEEPER: "Huh. Well, I'll be damned. This thing finally works. Short Change will be pleased."

King Baby leans over from his perch on the other machine, trying to see the screen.

KING BABY: "Oh? What's going on over there?"

The shopkeeper chuckles.

SHOPKEEPER: "Oh, Short Change has been trying to get this machine running for a long time. Says it's some kind of fancy fortune machine he found on one of the deeper levels. Connects to somewhere else, and outputs questions and advice and stuff in response to what's around it."

King Baby looks on in awe.

KING BABY: "That sounds amazing! Can we talk to it? How?"

SHOPKEEPER: "Supposedly, this thing can just hear us. Maybe it can hear you right now."

King Baby's crossed-out eyes widen further.

KING BABY: "Woooow."

He excitedly waves at the machine.

KING BABY: "Hello, new machine friend! Do you have anything you wish to know of the mighty King Baby?"

King Baby and the Shopkeeper are now open for questions.