ask-valerius

[ask-valerius]

Hey, sha. Have ya ever made ya own wine befo'? I want ta say yes but knowin' ya self I bet da answer is no. It's not dat hard t'ough. Ya can easily make strawberry wine, plum wine, blackberry wine, an' mah personal favorite bein' muscadine wine~

I stumped on grapes for the wine as a form of therapy. Does that count as wine making?

[ask-valerius]

The fandom is dead but I’m not!

Good to see you're alive and kicking. Who'd pay taxes otherwise?

[ask-valerius]

Hi! I missed you!!!

Hello? Hi. This Fandom isn't dead yet?

[ask-valerius]

Daddy is back! Missed you 💕

I tend to appear for few days when waiting for new shipment of wine to arrive... Only to run off for another half a year.

[ask-valerius]

i bet you have a ginormous smut collection with valerius that never seen the light of day

opens valerius file

...

(you might be right)

[ask-valerius]

wow, I can't believe Vino Val dumped brazilian booty lift blondie Monty McGoatass for that muncher Andy Canniballs. dayum boi. drop da dumbo, getchu sum gumbo uwu

...Beg your pardon? This is even harder to understand than Andre's Cajun accent.

[ask-valerius]

Valerius I've missed you!

Velvet! You're... Still here. And the city is standing. I'm impressed. How have you been?

[ask-valerius]

Hah! I have a stash.

omg so ANDRE ya new squeeze huhh??? oooooh I bet lord goat ass gon be real interested to know about this piece of hot gos. Valandre, new celeb couple? Andrius? let's tell this count foo bout yo new boo I think we gotta

Andre mah new cannibal.

Let us inform him, if you think he doesn't know yet.

[ask-valerius]

You know that if you get caught I will claim I do not know you, so watch your words.

...but I’ll still come rescue you.

omg so ANDRE ya new squeeze huhh??? oooooh I bet lord goat ass gon be real interested to know about this piece of hot gos. Valandre, new celeb couple? Andrius? let's tell this count foo bout yo new boo I think we gotta

Andre mah new cannibal.

Let us inform him, if you think he doesn't know yet.

[ask-valerius]

omg so ANDRE ya new squeeze huhh??? oooooh I bet lord goat ass gon be real interested to know about this piece of hot gos. Valandre, new celeb couple? Andrius? let's tell this count foo bout yo new boo I think we gotta

Andre mah new cannibal.

Let us inform him, if you think he doesn't know yet.

[ask-valerius]

Shh, let him rest.

[ask-valerius]

omg y'all VALERIE is back, ya boy who always be wining poetic about the scandalous deets on wucio's gluteal enhancements. damn heard u got a facelift, good for you fam like DAMN i almost didn't notice. but girl lemme tell u don't go cray cray with all them plastics sheet or u and lucio gon be that couple called booty and the beast furreal. no more botox and buttox for y'all i stg don't be splurging on barbie funtimez

I'm not sure why you think I'd need a facelift when my K-pop genes are doing all the work.

We don't need botox, we got magic, and most importantly... Wait, are you from the SnuTea magazine?

[ask-valerius]

I never knew you’d sacrifice your gator friends for couture. It’s perfectly perfect being asymmetric... But where is greige. 

Sasha Luss for Balmain - Fall Winter 2017 Paris

[ask-valerius]

You're kinda hot, and I am not happy about it. I'm actually pretty pissed about it. Fuck you. Let's kiss.

'Kinda' hot? Well then, kinda doesn't motivate me to kiss.

[ask-valerius]

Hey consul I challenge you to horses

I... What?

[ask-valerius]

I’m pretty sure you tell the gators the same thing about me. And what do you take me for exactly? Not to mention cashmere, darling. 

(left over snack on a snack)

Sha!! It's Mardi Gras season! Dat booze an' cake ain' gon' devour itself!! Let's go; we gon' drink til' we talkin' ta da gators!! ⚜🎶🎺🦞👑🍹🎵🎷🐊

I can’t believe it’s been this long. Mardi Gras season already? I must have taken a way too long nap. You know I’m all in for the drinking part, as I know you don’t need to be drunk in order to talk to the gators. And you usually do so when you’re sober. (andre, hun, there’s some blood on your cheek, just.. there, a bit more up)

[ask-valerius]

-leaves a crate of Blue Lotus and Date wine bottles for offerings-

*squeaks like a rodent*

...

*takes the crate*