asklucillemckee

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

Whattaya MEAN cringe???? I GAVE YA THE BEST NINE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE!!!

Best nine inches too. How quickly you forget…

I don’t know if you’ve been asked this before or not, but who was your first relationship with?

P.O. BOX 214, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O CHESTER MCKEE

Promise not to cringe too hard if I tell you it was Lucille?

I know! I know! I married my first! My high school sweetheart! Except she wasn’t exactly Lucille back when were just sweeties. That was back when we still thought she was—well, a fag like me. I won’t say her old name. We held a funeral for that sad little boy.

And now here we are. She’s a girl who likes girls and I’m a boy who likes boys (plural. Many. At the same time.)

We were actually together together for about six months before we fell apart because she’d figured out she really only liked Miss Cha Cha. Which, y’know, boo hoo for me I guess. It wasn’t til a few months after we broke up that she figured herself out. She had some guy fub some papers and begged me to just sign the license because it wasn’t like either of us were marrying anybody else.

And that was the last nine years of my life. There were plenty of boys, flings, on the side, but none I’d consider a relationship. Until…well. Recently.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

I bet he wishes he did. HAH!

Oh my god I forgot Chester was married

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

Y’know, mister, it really doesn’t surprise me that you got no experience having real friends. I pity you for not recognizing what Chester and Mister Buchanan had.

And anyway, isn’t this your court? You sayin’ you’re losin’ control of a court full of people speakin’ only when spoken to?

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE @asklucillemckee

Hey! Hey you. Your uh…fuckin’…judgementality?

Whatever I’m supposed to call you.

I can vouch for Mr. Buchanan’s character. Mhm. Yes I can.

Come up to the stand, then.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

You think I’m accusing you of being attracted to women? That’s very interesting, mister. I think you protest too much.

Look. All I know is, Mr. Buchanan is naturally as straight as they come. A dozen or more women would agree.

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE @asklucillemckee

Hey! Hey you. Your uh…fuckin’…judgementality?

Whatever I’m supposed to call you.

I can vouch for Mr. Buchanan’s character. Mhm. Yes I can.

Come up to the stand, then.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

Are you makin a pass at me now, too, your honorness? Y’see, I’m just irresistible like that. You know, Chester’s photographed me over two hundred times.

I don’t blame you for wanting up my skirt. I’m a divorced woman, now, and you’re a man…

…right? Big tough guy who likes women?

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE @asklucillemckee

Hey! Hey you. Your uh…fuckin’…judgementality?

Whatever I’m supposed to call you.

I can vouch for Mr. Buchanan’s character. Mhm. Yes I can.

Come up to the stand, then.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

He couldn’t make passes at the men! He was too busy trying to get under my skirt when he and Myrtle were on the outs. And I am a woman. I think that rests your case, Mister Judgemental.

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE @asklucillemckee

Hey! Hey you. Your uh…fuckin’…judgementality?

Whatever I’m supposed to call you.

I can vouch for Mr. Buchanan’s character. Mhm. Yes I can.

Come up to the stand, then.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

Yes! That man right there made SEVERAL passes at me. Mhm. Went to several parties with him. SEVERAL. And he made so many passes.

Would a faggot homosexual do that? I do not think so.

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE @asklucillemckee

Hey! Hey you. Your uh…fuckin’…judgementality?

Whatever I’m supposed to call you.

I can vouch for Mr. Buchanan’s character. Mhm. Yes I can.

Come up to the stand, then.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

Prison, you wingnut!

And you and I both know that boy’s going to be very popular in a men’s prison so me and the people who still give a damn about him are working our tails off trying to get him out any way we can.

I haven’t heard from him since he got taken in but I imagine it’s not been very good…

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE @asklucillemckee

Was it you, you creep? You dirty little scumbag?

I tried to tell Chester you weren’t worth the dirt you stand on but he didn’t listen.

And now look at him. Now look whatcha went and did.

You oughta be ashamed of yourself, mister.

I don't understand! What happened?!

Mr. Gatsby told me he did something, but all I can gather from his... whatever he's saying, is that Chester might be hurt, and I'm really worried!

Where is he?

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

Ohh. Ohhh, you have no clue, you poor little chickadee. There, there.

It’s an inside scheme alright. Crooked cops everywhere you look. I’ll—

I’ll tell ya about it later…

Dear Mrs. Mckee,

You've been requested to testify against your ex-husband in a court of law. He's recently been arrested on charges of assault.

Fill out the attached form. An officer will speak with you shortly.

- @1922-new-england-law-enforcement

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

My ex-husband?

Why, no, officer, you musta had a wrong guy. Chester’s a church mouse. Never done a thing before.

Put me on that stand and I’ll tell you all the truth.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

YEAH. WHAT HE SAID.

You know. You know what. I bet I know exactly who called the so-called “AU THOR ITTIES” on Ches.

Dear Mrs. Mckee,

You've been requested to testify against your ex-husband in a court of law. He's recently been arrested on charges of assault.

Fill out the attached form. An officer will speak with you shortly.

- @1922-new-england-law-enforcement

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

My ex-husband?

Why, no, officer, you musta had a wrong guy. Chester’s a church mouse. Never done a thing before.

Put me on that stand and I’ll tell you all the truth.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

Hey—HEY. That’s still very good. Very smart—ya very smart. Accept it. Internalize. We’ll work on that. We will.

Just as SOON as these HACKS let my INNOCENT, USELESS ex husband GO.

Dear Mrs. Mckee,

You've been requested to testify against your ex-husband in a court of law. He's recently been arrested on charges of assault.

Fill out the attached form. An officer will speak with you shortly.

- @1922-new-england-law-enforcement

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

My ex-husband?

Why, no, officer, you musta had a wrong guy. Chester’s a church mouse. Never done a thing before.

Put me on that stand and I’ll tell you all the truth.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

Y’see? Y’see? That’s exactly what I’m talking about.

Who are you, again? A lawyer?

A lawyer? Are you a lawyer?

If ya not, ya should be. Ya very smart. You oughta look into this lawyering thing.

Dear Mrs. Mckee,

You've been requested to testify against your ex-husband in a court of law. He's recently been arrested on charges of assault.

Fill out the attached form. An officer will speak with you shortly.

- @1922-new-england-law-enforcement

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

My ex-husband?

Why, no, officer, you musta had a wrong guy. Chester’s a church mouse. Never done a thing before.

Put me on that stand and I’ll tell you all the truth.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

Chester? Smart?

Now I know you’re fuckin’ lying.

I hope you’re prepared for a goddamn riot, officer.

Dear Mrs. Mckee,

You've been requested to testify against your ex-husband in a court of law. He's recently been arrested on charges of assault.

Fill out the attached form. An officer will speak with you shortly.

- @1922-new-england-law-enforcement

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

My ex-husband?

Why, no, officer, you musta had a wrong guy. Chester’s a church mouse. Never done a thing before.

Put me on that stand and I’ll tell you all the truth.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

THAT LITTLE—

I mean. He confessed, eh?

Under much duress, no doubt! Y’see, I know your type, officer! Know it down to the spit-shine on your big black boots.

You think you run this town.

You surely as hell do NOT.

The man who runs this town is the one filling your pockets to go torment INNOCENT CITIZENS at his WHIM.

YOU! Are nothing but a WASTE OF GOD DAMN TAX DOLLARS.

I’d like to hear more about this confession. How the hell do you claim he confessed. Surely not with a telephone book raised over him?

Dear Mrs. Mckee,

You've been requested to testify against your ex-husband in a court of law. He's recently been arrested on charges of assault.

Fill out the attached form. An officer will speak with you shortly.

- @1922-new-england-law-enforcement

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

My ex-husband?

Why, no, officer, you musta had a wrong guy. Chester’s a church mouse. Never done a thing before.

Put me on that stand and I’ll tell you all the truth.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 214, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O CHESTER MCKEE

And you did checks on all the fellas who claimed my husband did whatEVER to em?

And you got evidence BEYOND THE SHADOW OF A DOUBT that he took them photos? And wrote the letters?

Because that seems awfully convenient, officer.

Almost like somebody’s givin’ you a lil extra sumn sumn on the side, eh?

Whatever it is, it’s not enough for you to come banging on MY door claiming MY EX HUSBAND violated nature a day in his life.

And you haven’t even got the decency to show me a badge. Let me even look at the letters. I know his handwriting. I’d tell you right off if they’re his or not.

Dear Mrs. Mckee,

You've been requested to testify against your ex-husband in a court of law. He's recently been arrested on charges of assault.

Fill out the attached form. An officer will speak with you shortly.

- @1922-new-england-law-enforcement

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

My ex-husband?

Why, no, officer, you musta had a wrong guy. Chester’s a church mouse. Never done a thing before.

Put me on that stand and I’ll tell you all the truth.

[asklucillemckee]

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O CHESTER MCKEE

Absolutely, officer. And I would think I would know better than anybody else!

Those fellas were put up to it if anything at all! Anybody’ll do anything for a dollar these days…

Dear Mrs. Mckee,

You've been requested to testify against your ex-husband in a court of law. He's recently been arrested on charges of assault.

Fill out the attached form. An officer will speak with you shortly.

- @1922-new-england-law-enforcement

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

My ex-husband?

Why, no, officer, you musta had a wrong guy. Chester’s a church mouse. Never done a thing before.

Put me on that stand and I’ll tell you all the truth.

[asklucillemckee]

Sayyyy Lucille,

If I paid you….how willing would you be to help me stage a jailbreak?

@askdaisyfay

P.O. BOX 215, WASHINGTON HEIGHTS

C/O LUCILLE MCKEE

Why, I never!

Y’know his family’s of high standing. Depending on how much they don’t know about Ches, he might already have something going for him in there.