askrichiebrook

[askrichiebrook]

gamblingtigersniper:

Those days were almost nice. Almost. The hours spent teaching Richard to cook, showing him how to take care of himself, how to be capable. But then Sebastian remembered that all of this was just preparation for his own obsoleteness. He was simply getting Richard ready to not need him. That had come to be one of the things he feared most about his life with Jim. They ruled their empire with an iron fist, and the only thing that threatened to tear them apart was if Sebastian ever became obsolete, due to injury or age. He hadn’t imagined the injury wouldn’t be his own, or that it would come so soon.

And then, those days were over, and Sebastian packed a proper bag, and he was gone. He only took a few things, far from what would qualify as ‘necessities’. Instead, he took what little he had that qualified as ‘sentimental’. Jim would have laughed at him. The sniper’s old shirt, which he never wore anymore, because Jim was the last to wear it. A mug Jim had bought him. Things of that nature. Most of his clothes he left behind, for Richard to do whatever he pleased with, or nothing at all.

For the first few weeks, he was on the roof across the street every day, just as he had been the first time he left. He watched Richard get into all sorts of little accidents, but he managed to right himself without any serious injury. It was a strange thing, how Sebastian was simultaneously proud of him for doing so well, and gutted by how utterly unnecessary the sniper himself had become.

After those first weeks, he only went to the rooftop every other day. Then three times a week. Then twice, once, and not at all. Instead, he spent more and more nights at the pub, getting in brawls just to make his blood rush and taking home blokes only to call them by the wrong name and throw them out of his flat the instant he was through with them. 

Tonight was one such night, and he was buried deep in some twinky brunette, his mobile on the charger by his bed. Meanwhile, a man in a black hoodie was jimmying open the door to Richard’s flat, intent on taking whatever he could and running. He hadn’t seen the big guy who used to live there coming and going anymore, so he assumed that he and his roommate must have had a fight and he moved out. Whatever had happened, it didn’t matter. Now was his time to strike. He shuffled his card through the door lock and chuckled as it finally released, and he began to open the door and walk into the flat.

Richard started to feel panic rise up in his chest as he stepped back, realising the flat was being broken into and there was no way of protecting himself. If he ran back to get his phone, he’d probably be blocked by the burglar to get to the bathroom and lock himself in there for safety, and if he went to the bathroom first, he’d have no way of contacting Sebastian until the burglar was gone. And even then, there’d be a high chance his phone would be taken as well, and Richard didn’t know Sebastian’s number off by heart.

The lock clicked, and Richard made his decision: he didn’t want to get hurt. He scrambled off to the bathroom and locked himself in, abandoning his phone on the table and any chance of communicating with Sebastian. He’d leave the robber to take what he wanted and go with no scuffle, no danger of having the police phoned or having to defend himself against the owner.

He could hear shuffling around and drawers being pulled open and shoved shut again, the thief probably deciding it was easier to take expensive watches, Richard’s wallet with the debit cards Sebastian had given him, his laptop, and as Richard predicted: his phone. The man was in and out in no less than five minutes, leaving before any neighbours would notice anything suspicious, and through that time, Richard was curled up in the furthest corner of the bathroom, feeling the panic taking hold and crying quietly to himself, praying that the thief wouldn’t come after him in an attempt to get rid of the one and only witness.

Even after he heard the front door shut, Richard stayed in his spot, terrified the burglar would come back for more and unable to calm himself down for a long while. The only way he could tell the time was thanks to the window in the bathroom, and Rich was content with letting the night go on until dawn, when he finally emerged from his hiding spot to assess the damage.

Irreplaceable || Sebastian & Richard

[askrichiebrook]

Richard frowned. He couldn't understand how he could fix a problem between someone else by simply yelling at them. It wasn't proper communication; there were no suggestions being put through or solutions being pitched. It just didn't make any sense to him. He didn't think he'd get along well with someone if they did that every so often and then 'made up'. It sounded exhausting.

But Richard let Sebastian teach him the basics of cooking and taught him a few of his own recipes, as well a good website where he could find other recipes for anything he wanted to try out himself. It seemed daunting at first, but once Sebastian showed him how to hold a knife properly while chopping vegetables, Richard was assured that he wouldn't be hurting himself too much in the future.

The flat was lonely without Sebastian. It was quiet and strange to wake up each morning and not find the kitchen cleaned up after him or the sound of the shower going. It was good, because when Richard messed up, there was no one to sigh or yell at him, and strangely he found himself having less accidents than he did when his old flatmate was around. It might have been something to do with being under less pressure to seem normal and recovered after coming out of hospital, and now he had no one to prove himself to.

Occasionally, he got visitors at the door. At first they frightened him. He wasn't keen on talking to people he didn't know, and was worried something bad would happen. He would go on to find out that it was usually harmless charities asking for his donations, which he could never say no to. Sebastian had assured him he had enough money, didn't he? Sometimes it was the post man bringing him books he'd ordered online, or DVDs of things that had come out in the cinema recently, Richard too wary about going there himself still.

One night there was a knock at the door, and Richard frowned when he checked the time. It was late, way past working hours. The man made his way to the hall to answer, but froze when he heard a strange scratching noise, coming from outside the door. He didn't quite realise the source of the sound was a card being shuffled down the doorway towards the lock, but what he did realise was that he'd left his phone by the sofa.

Irreplaceable || Sebastian & Richard

[askrichiebrook]

Richard fiddled with one of the plasters on his fingers while Sebastian spoke, feeling his heart squeeze when he started to sense where the topic was going. He could understand why Sebastian thought he should leave, and a part of Richard was glad that he would. He’d finally have peace all the time, no one to scream at him or sigh when he messed up or have to go through the pain of just looking after him every day.

But then he wouldn’t have Sebastian’s home-cooked meals that were made with love, his protection during day and night and the assurance that if Richard forgot something, Sebastian could nearly always remind him what it was. He chewed on his lip, considering the other man’s points. He could survive on his own. But that was what he was doing; surviving. He felt like he was just scraping by with the takeaways and avoiding his own bedroom. It didn’t really feel like living alone.

He sighed, looking off to the window in thought. Staying silent for a while before he spoke again.

“Would you come if I called you?” he asked softly, glancing straight towards him. “It’s just that-- I-- I d-don’t feel safe here all the time-- I d-didn’t when I was alone. A lot of, um... n-n-noises I heard s-scared me, and-- I d-dunno how to cook. I was hoping... you’d show me one day, wh-when you thought I w-was ready to handle the s-stove... I j-just thought, if you’re leaving... you could show me how to make one of your dishes? I’m just-- I c-can’t live off of takeaway.” he wrinkled his nose at his tupperware of curry. “I liked the food you made... I j-just... d-d-don’t like when you... when you s-s-shout at m-me. And other stuff.”

Irreplaceable || Sebastian & Richard

“Richard…” Sebastian sighed and walked into the living room, rather than just lingering in the door that connected it to the kitchen. He set his duffle bag down and sat in one of the two arm chairs, rather than join Richard on the sofa. Richard wasn’t the man he wanted to be close to, not anymore, and the other night had made it abundantly clear that there could never be anything between them again. If there even had been a chance before, Sebastian knew he had ruined it while in his coke-fueled stupor.

“You did well… I mean, looks like… You ordered food. Nothin’s broke.” He saw the plasters around Richard’s fingertips and realized he must have tried to cook, only to burn himself and give up. But he tried, and he didn’t burn the flat down. He was doing fine on his own, and while Sebastian knew he should have been happy that he was recovering so well, he felt utterly miserable.

“Look… the other night… I…” He could not say he was sorry. Jim would never have tolerated it. He would have slapped Sebastian across the face for even thinking such a weak, pathetic word. “I fucked up.” That, however, was acceptable. “I fucked up bad. I know it. I hurt you an’ I tried to…” He sighed and shook his head, pressing his forehead against his palm. 

“The thing is… I think it’d be best if I… moved out. You’ve got plenty of money left in your savings. I’ll still help manage those things for you, if you want, or I’ll teach you to do it yourself. It’s easy; I know you can figure it out. You just… you’re getting more independent. Getting better. That’s a good thing.” Maybe if he kept saying it was good, Sebastian would believe it. 

“…You don’t need me anymore.”

[askrichiebrook]

When a few days turned into several days, Richard began to worry about Sebastian. It wasn’t the first time he had disappeared for longer than he said he’d be gone, but that didn’t stop his thoughts about what he possibly could be doing while away. He thought about calling him, but he was afraid of bothering him and being yelled at again, so he left his phone alone and let it run out of battery, telling himself he’d only phone him if he really needed help.

Instead he focused on trying to survive, and after five days of living off takeaways, Richard was beginning to crave home-cooked meals. He still struggled with using the kitchen, however, and only managed to make himself toast a couple of times and undercook some pasta with ketchup on top. He missed the big hearty meals Sebastian made, even if finishing them was like getting out of the hospital bed in the first few weeks after the accident.

And slowly, more thoughts started to creep in about Sebastians and the things he missed while being alone. Of course it was nice to know that if he broke something, he wouldn’t be screamed at or feel the shame that came from being brushed aside so someone else could clean it up for him. He did find that, now that he was alone, his hands shook a bit less and he was less prone to dropping things in general. However, sleeping at night proved difficult when he was highly aware of every noise he heard around the flat, and there wasn’t the same reassurance that if something happened, Sebastian would be there to protect him.

When Sebastian came home, Richard was curled up on the sofa watching the telly, blanket wrapped around him and a tupperware of curry set aside on the coffee table. He looked up and the first thing he saw was the stitches in Sebastian’s cheek, and for a moment he felt that twisted fear in his gut, seeing his fists hitting the floor and the skin breaking and the blood splattering off in different directions. He blinked and straightened himself up on the sofa, putting the television on mute.

“I’m s-sorry...” he muttered, looking down at his hands. “For... b-being so incom-- incom-- incompetent.”

Irreplaceable || Sebastian & Richard

Sebastian did return home that first night, but he did not let Richard see him. Instead, he parked on the rooftop across the street, and watched through his scope as the other man tried and failed to prepare dinner, then eventually ordered in. What was Sebastian supposed to do? Just leave and not keep an eye on him? But really, he supposed it didn’t matter, now.

Even having had a bullet tear through his brain, Richard could function just fine without him. He could exist, and he’d learn to get better and better, as he’d been doing. Sebastian was as he’d always feared. Obsolete. The other man had no more need for him, even brain damaged and struggling, he didn’t want or need Sebastian’s help. He didn’t want or need Sebastian.

He couldn’t stay on that roof long after that thought. A pub promptly erased it and all others from his mind, but when the booze and whatever else he’d done wore off, he was in some shifty motel with a bloke he didn’t know in his bed and one at home that still didn’t want or need him. He spent the next few days like that nonetheless, drunk and high and getting into pub brawls, because at least then, he felt alive. When he was fighting, he felt like he was fighting for something important, even if there was nothing important left. 

Richard never called, and every time Sebastian checked in on him, he seemed to be doing fine. Sebastian only ever stayed a few minutes, just long enough to make sure he wasn’t gravely hurt or setting anything on fire, but he couldn’t watch past that. It had been a week of that when Sebastian finally walked through the front door again, a duffle bag of dirty clothes on his shoulder, fresh stitches that he’d done himself on his left cheek, still bandaged hands and a bruised body. But tonight, he was sober, even if he wasn’t alright.

“Richard?” He called out into the flat, having decided there was only one thing he could do now. “I’m here…” Not ‘I’m home’, because Sebastian had decided that after tonight, this flat would no longer be his home. He walked through the kitchen and into the living room, looking for the other man. “Can we talk, please?”

[askrichiebrook]

Richard woke up in the early hours of the morning, aching in lots of parts of his body from having stayed sat up while asleep against the cold, tiled wall of the bathroom. He stood and stretched with a groan, rubbing his joints and muscle to try and ease some of the bruises that had formed there. A quick glance at the window confirmed that must have been about six or seven in the morning, and by the look of the bathroom door, Sebastian hadn’t tried knocking it down to try and get in.

Footsteps light and movements slow, Richard unlocked the door and stepped out like a wary deer, scanning his surroundings for any signs of the other man. He crept towards his room, peeking around the doorway and finding him in the same spot he had left him that night, but now quietly snoring. Hopefully he was sleeping deeply that he wouldn’t hear Richard moving around the flat, gathering his coat and shoes and opening the front door and stepping outside.

Honestly, he didn’t know how he would face him again when he returned. A part of him didn’t even want to return to that flat, to that man. Where everything Richard did felt like a mistake, to the point of him being alive felt like he was committing a crime. This was a time where he wished he hadn’t survived his accident, then he wouldn’t have to worry about any of this. Then he’d be dead, at peace. Richard walked and walked and walked, until the early morning became the late morning, and kept on walking.

Irreplaceable || Sebastian & Richard

Sebastian didn’t notice the figure running away. Whatever it was. The Not Jim. It looked like Jim. It sounded a bit like him, but no, no, it was wrong. It didn’t purr like Jim, it didn’t taunt him and tease him like Jim; it didn’t touch him or scratch at him or bite him like Jim. It didn’t elbow him right between the ribs, purposeful and intentionally, like Jim did when he was really angry and didn’t want to be touched.

Sebastian’s knuckles cracked as blood seeped from the broken skin, and he screamed and raged at the floor, unwilling to look up and see the Not Jim staring at him. If it was leering, if it was satisfied at his breaking, it would be a comfort. Jim would be satisfied to win, even if disappointed in his tiger for being so pathetic. 

Eventually, Sebastian fell on top of himself in a bloodied, gasping heap. He cried out Jim’s name, but the words died on his lips and no lover came to him. He fell asleep like that, fists bloodied, several knuckles fractured, a few broken, laying on the floor amidst the mess of blood and saliva he had spewed during his screaming fit. There he slept, and he stayed asleep, passing out for the rest of the night.

[askrichiebrook]

Richard was relieved to have Sebastian finally off, and curled up tightly into himself to further dissuade the man from touching him again, but once again, he was shouting and screaming at him, and Richard felt like he was back in the kitchen again, cornered up against the cupboards and fearing for his life. But the more Sebastian wept and wailed, the more Richard was beginning to feel like this wasn’t his fault. But there was certainly something to say about the way his heart hammered when he heard the fists connect with the floor.

He whimpered and watched him for a while, heart tearing in two. Sebastian considered him a ‘what’, not a ‘who’. Obviously this ‘Jim’ had left Sebastian in some horrible way, obviously they had been deeply enough, and Richard could see the other man was struggling to move on. It was starting to affect him, and Sebastian’s words made him wonder whether or not he was even real. He was ‘haunting’ him, and Richard swore he could begin to feel a numbness in his hands. Whether it was some kind of twisted empathy from watching Sebastian’s bloody fist hit the floor, or some kind of dissociation from taking place.

Either way, he couldn’t stand it for much longer. When it seemed like Sebastian wouldn’t notice, Richard slipped away, off to the bathroom to lock himself up safely. Here, Sebastian couldn’t come chasing after him with his phone or his prying hands, he could finally be safely alone. When he sat himself down in the corner between the toilet and the bath, the numbness in his hands was spreading throughout his body, even to his mind. Sounds and sights were becoming distant, and any sign of Sebastian trying to get into the bathroom went unnoticed until Richard fell asleep in his position.

Irreplaceable || Sebastian & Richard

Not Jim.

Not Jim.

He was not Jim.

Then who was he? Why was he here? Why was he wearing Jim’s skin and using Jim’s hands and talking with Jim’s voice? But… that wasn’t quite Jim’s voice, was it? Had Jim’s voice ever been so soft? So scared? Jim was never scared of him. That was why Sebastian became so… infatuated with him. But this… wasn’t Jim? 

Sebastian wasn’t a believer in ghosts or the supernatural. He didn’t believe in things going bump in the night. But this thing, whatever it was, it was wearing Jim’s face, but it wasn’t him. “Who are you?!” He gasped, as though he had run out of breath. He took his hands off the figure and stumbled back, the cocaine thrumming through his system making everything seem too sharp and too fast.

“What are you?!”

There had been a roof… a nemesis… a gun… a bullet…

Sebastian fell to his knees with a sickening thud and began to sob, his bare hands forming fists as they battered the floor below. “Why?!” He remembered now. He remembered Jim, on the room, with the gun in his mouth… “Why the fuck would you leave me all alone!?” The cry wasn’t to the figure, the ghost, the specter of his lover that was tormenting him. “Why would you haunt me like this?! It should have been me!” He kept murmuring that last sentence over and over, as his knuckles split and bloodied, but he continued to slam his fists into the floor. 

[askrichiebrook]

Photo, Check my blog for more ;)

[askrichiebrook]

<i>"I'm not jim!"</i> he screeched at the top of his lungs, tears spilling over and running down his cheeks. His body screamed with discomfort at the hand around his cock, and he wanted to do nothing more than to just shrink into himself and disappear. But sebastian had him pinned against the wall, and he suspected that no amount of struggling would send enough signals to sebastian how much he didn't want this.

That didn't stop him from trying.

He thrashed underneath sebastian, trying to throw his elbows this way and that, hoping to hit him somehow and disable him enough to get him to back down. "I'm not Jim!" He carried on. "I'm Richard! I don't want this! I don't want the things you had with him! No! No! Stop it stop it stop it!" he couldn't stop the sobs escaping his throat, sounding almost hysterical as he continued to fight against the larger man.

"Please!" he tried reaching down once again to get Sebastian's hand off him, though now he was reluctant to move him too violently for the sake of how it would affect him. Instead he scratched at the man's wrist, hoping at the very least it would send some sort of signal, show the drugged up man that he <i>didn't want this</i>.

Irreplaceable || Sebastian & Richard

[askrichiebrook]

Richard at first became frustrated, and huffed as he tried harder to push the man away from him and try and restore some personal space. “I don’t want to go with you,” he huffed, turning himself away from the man. “I want to be alone. I want you to leave me alone. Me. Alone. Why can’t you understand that?”

But soon it was becoming alarmingly clear that Sebastian was stubborn, and didn’t want to seem to take no for an answer. He gasped at the hand sliding in between his legs, and he was about to shout at Sebastian in anger at his complete disregard for his wishes, but he quickly became afraid at the other man’s words and whimpered, bringing his knees together in an attempt to discourage the man. It was uncomfortable, but at this point, Richard was willing to do anything to get him away.

“No!” he shouted, trying to squirm away from him. “No, no, no! I don’t want this, Sebastian! Please! S-stop-- stop touching me!” he felt his eyes burning once more, and soon enough he was sniffling and trying to turn into the wall, begging the other man to leave him alone.

Irreplaceable || Sebastian & Richard

Sebastian didn’t let go. He held on tighter, unwilling to let his disillusion slip through his fingers. His mind was far too addled to separate reality from cocaine, and in his eyes, Jim was still angry at him for something, and there was one way they solved their arguments that worked every time. When apologies fell short and Jim was still cold and distant, a good, rough shag always brought them together, and then it was all over. No more discussion needed.

So despite the urging to go away, Sebastian pressed on, as he had before when Jim was upset with him. His hands slid down his lover’s slender and familiar body, fingertips moving to the button on his trousers as he opened them quickly and easily. “I’ll go ta bed if you come with me…” He purred in Jim’s ear, despite the fact that there was a hand pushing his face away. 

“I don’t wanna sleep in my old bed anymore.” He asserted. “I’ve fuckin’ had enough. I belong in our bed, an’ you know it.” His hand reached down, cupping Jim’s length over his boxers. “I belong beside you. Or do you need me to remind you again? I’m yours; you fuckin’ know it. But you’re mine too. Don’t fuckin’ forget it, Jim.”

[askrichiebrook]

“Yes.”

“I know. But there’s a chance this could be bad. We don’t want that, but we have to check. Do you trust me?”

[askrichiebrook]

“It’s n-not my eyes. It’s my head.”

“Rich, please- I promise you won’t get hurt. We just need to figure out what’s going on with your eyes. It might be nothing, but it won’t hurt to check.”

[askrichiebrook]

“N-no, they’ll– they’ll p-put me to sleep again.”

“It– you’re there but… Sab– everything’s f– foggy.”

[askrichiebrook]

“I’m just-- I just-- can’t see--”

askrichiemoriarty

“Are you okay? You look kind of ill.”

[askrichiebrook]

Richard squirmed uncomfortably under Sebastian’s unwarranted embrace. “Get off me.” he told him, though his voice was soft and reluctant instead of sharp and commanding. He didn’t want to hurt Sebastian’s feelings, whether it was to reduce the risk of being shouted at again, or to prevent him to go off in a strop and take more of whatever he was on now.

 He slithered a hand up and put it against the side of Sebastian’s face, pushing it out away from his neck, the nuzzling having made him shiver and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “I d-don’t hate you,” he urged him. “But... but if your p-promise is real, I... you should go and prove it. Go to s-sleep and t-- t-talk to me in the morning. No more of this until you’re s-sober.” 

Whether they were false promises or not, he wanted to be left alone, and Sebastian had an odd selective hearing going on, so Richard spouted whatever words he needed to in the hopes that the other man would understand that he didn’t want him around right now.

Irreplaceable || Sebastian &amp; Richard

Sebastian was beyond confused. It wasn’t uncommon for Jim to shout at him. In fact, it was their normal. But what was he talking about? Apologizing? Encouraging? Help? When had Jim ever asked for his help? He’d ordered him to do things plenty of times, but never asked him for help. But even in his current state, Sebastian knew better than to argue too much more with Jim when he was like this.

“’m a dick.” He announced in a slur and with a shrug. “You know I am. An’ ’m sorry…” He murmured the last words with a sigh and slowly walked up behind Jim, wrapping his arms tight around him and pressing his nose into the crook of his neck. “Don’t hate me. I fuckin’ hate when you hate me. I won’t do it again. I promise this time. I won’t. I’ll throw it all out. Won’t even drink either. Not a drop.”

They were false promises that he’d made to Jim before. No matter how well-intentioned high Sebastian might be, sober Sebastian was never willing to follow through and get rid of everything. Especially not lately. He needed his coke and his whiskey. He needed it now more than ever, now that Jim wasn’t Jim anymore. 

[askrichiebrook]

Richard lifted his head as it was guided up so Sebastian could see him clearly, eyes watery and full of doubt. He nodded, holding tightly as he was helped up to a standing position, and carried on holding onto him as he was led out of his bedroom, despite how wary he was feeling about Sebastian.

By this point, his whole head was pounding and his knees felt weak, hence why he didn’t let go of the man that was leading him into the kitchen. He sat down and watched Sebastian carefully. “What... wh-what was your n-nightmare about?”

Slowly Sebastian raised his hand to Richard’s cheek. Fingers barely touching he guided the man’s face up so he could assess the damage. “I wont, Rich, I promise.” He kept his voice low, quiet, knowing that Richard’s head would be hurting, “Let’s get some ice for this, okay? Take the swelling down?” 

Sebastian felt horribly guilty, Richard had trusted him, and now? He didn’t know any more. Carefully, he helped Richard to his feet, leading him from the bedroom slowly. Although he wanted to support the man, he refrained from touching him too much, he didn’t want to overcrowd him, not now. 

[askrichiebrook]

Richard flinched at the light switching on, screwing his eyes shut and then slowly opening them again as he adjusted to the sudden brightness. He waited patiently for Sebastian to end up kneeling in front of him, nodding slowly at the question. He could feel his cheek bruising, and the pain moving around his eye and up to the bridge of his nose. It didn’t help that the pain in his head was beginning to spread to, and he knew that soon enough, he’d be having a terrible headache.

“D-don’t–” Richard took a deep breath. “D-don’t– p-please don’t h– h-hit me again.”

Slowly, he moved to the end of the bed, taking it in stages, he didn’t want Richard to feel cornered or intimidated. He’d already turned the lamp on, allowing the other man to watch him in more detail. After a moment, he knealt on the floor in front of Richard.  “Can I touch you?” He had to be sure, Richard was precious to him, not someone that he could hurt and throw away without feeling anything, maybe others, but not this man, not Rich.  Looking at the man before him, Sebastian saw fear, fear and distrust.  

[askrichiebrook]

Richard initially pushed back further into the wall when Sebastian approached him, shoulders hunching up in defends and eyes casting off to the side, avoidant. He didn’t want to be hurt again, even with the knowledge of how unlikely it would be.

He tensed, eyes watering from the pain, but eventually gave in and removed his hands so Sebastian could see the growing red mark on Richard’s cheek bone, and the small bump swelling on the side of his head. He wiped his eyes and then clasped his hands between his legs to stop himself from covering up his wounds again.

He felt terrible. He knew Richard was fragile enough already, having Sebastian aim a fist at him can’t have helped. All thoughts of nightmares and leather belts gone, Sebastian’s thoughts were only on the man in front of him. He wanted to help, really he did, but he couldn’t move, he found himself frozen, unable to move closer, afraid of scaring Rich.

“Richie…” He shifted slowly, pushing the bedclothes back, and started to edge closer to the trembling man. “Sweetheart, can I look?” Sebastian tried to keep his voice soft, an attempt to soothe Richard. He wanted to check that the other’s injuries weren’t too bad, he needed to check, but here he was, Sebastian Moran, awake and afraid, terrified of scaring Rich any more than he already had.