aspentree97

[aspentree97]

imagine if they gendered you from birth and then assigned you a list of interests and personality traits even if that felt horrifically untrue for you and you hated when people did that for as long as you could remember but every time you complained about it people got confused

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I understand some of you are 19 but that is not an old man, he's 32.

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As much debate as there is about tone tags, 90% of the issues would be solved by just typing the word. Like instead of typing /gen or /hj you can just write (genuine) or (handjob) and you'll be doing pretty much the exact same thing.

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I can’t make pasta any more without mumbling to myself, “wet the drys… then dry the wets…”

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I have the best friends lol. Look at this lovely cross stitch piece a friend made me!

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So apparently Tumblr ate my original post about this but:

A couple weeks ago I’m going to get lunch and as I open the fridge, my mother attempts to communicate to me that any chicken currently in the fridge is ok for people to eat, because the chicken that was intended for the dog to eat has been used up.

What she actually says is, “That’s human chicken.”

After taking a minute to process all horrible implications of the phrase ���human chicken”, I decide to go a different route and hold the tupperware of chicken out to my sister, saying, “Behold, a man!”

This was evidently the wrong choice, as it meant I had to explain to my parents who Diogenes was, thereby cementing the incident in their minds and leading to me, just now, opening the fridge to see the following incredibly cursed image:

[aspentree97]

[aspentree97]

You've been turned into an animal

Spin the wheel to find out which

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Whenever I do worldbuilding I try to keep this image in mind

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cmon child safety lid you know it's me

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today I used the phrase "breasting boobily" in casual real life conversation and everyone was shocked asking how I came up with that and I had to explain it. ive been at the devil's sacrament so long that I forgot he wasn't god

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PUT THAT TRANS MAN ON TOP!!!!!!!!! GIVE THAT MAN A STRAP!!!!! GIVE HIM.BOTTOM.SURGERY!!!! IN DIFFERENT STAGES BUT ALSO WHEN IT IS SAFE TO HAVE INTERCOURSE !!! GIVE HIM METOIDOPLASTY!!! LET HIM USE HIS BOTTOM GROWTH!!!! GET HIM ON TOP!!!!!!!!!

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"Your mother sucks dicks in hell!" the demon screamed. You figured that she would, you've heard enough stories about her younger years to assume that. The devil is creative with punishments, and only the worst of sinners could be subjected to something as horrid as her atrocious blowjobs. She always had a talent for ensuring that she's the only one having fun.