aspotinthesky

[aspotinthesky]

We're having roasted chicken today, a nice blunt and coke. The drink. My mom has a friend over, the gossip runs wild on the table.

[aspotinthesky]

Well, today was a good day. I sang very loud. I moved around a lot. I stayed put a lot too. AO3 was down but I survived. It came back quickly, though. I'm planning on spending the night reading. I managed to forget about the hard things for another day. I ate cake. Good cake. Vegan. The other one wasn't vegan, but still great.

[aspotinthesky]

I went to my baby cousin's birthday party today. I got overstimulated so quickly, I had to leave early. It was a bit fun though. Also, my mom brought me a bunch of candy, so yeah. It was worth it. I got a giant piece of cake. A bottle filled with those low quality M&M's. Lollipops, gum, some other stuff. The cake was chocolate with coconut filling and I might steal some bites from my brother's cake when he's not looking. He will probably steal my candy, so. Fairness, is that what you call it?

[aspotinthesky]

I think the saddest thing is that I won't get to watch you grow up. I had so many things I wanted to do with you. You went so soon, Pandora. It breaks my heart to think that I'll never see your excitement as you trail after the cats again. You'll never lick my face again, or try your hardest to eat my hair. And I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't do anything for you. I'll never get to hold you again, and that breaks my heart. The worst part is that I knew what was gonna happen. Not how, but I was warned. I pulled out cards before getting you. I pushed aside the Tower card, because how bad could it possibly be, right?

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I hope that wherever you are, you are happy, loved and healthy. I hope you get to grow up, and go on walks, eat new snacks and learn new tricks.

I taught you to sit. You did such a wonderful job, my baby. You were so smart, and if you only had more time... I'm so glad you learned to sit. I'm honoured that I had the opportunity to teach you. I wish I had taken more pictures of you.

I'm so sorry, sweetheart. It feels so unfair that you had to leave so early. But I'm so glad I got to meet you. Thank you, Pandora. You were wonderful, my baby.

[aspotinthesky]

I'm obsessed with this song, called "North by North - Faded Paper Figures". It gives me Bee and Puppycat vibes. I found it in the Teen Wolf soundtrack, which by the way is great, and I got a lot of cool new songs from there. I like listening to it while looking at the stars. It's the best part of my day, when I get to go outside without the noises and lights overwhelming me, and just be, you know? Anyway, it comforts my heart. I forget, sometimes, how much my heart appreciates comfort.

[aspotinthesky]

Hey, it's been a few days since I got a dog. I was visualizing her, creating in my head, that I had a puppy and her name was Pandora and she was the best dog in the whole world. Well, a few days later, I was coming home from my grandma with my family and we passed by a house that was full of puppies. Full of them. Like, way too many, their poor mother was so stressed, they were just giving them away to whoever passed by. And my mom was eyeing a puppy, a brown one, but then I saw another one that was more fluffy than the others and thought that's it. That's the one. The lady said it was a boy, I looked and thought, 'Well, that checks. His name will be Merlin.' I was a bit disappointed because I had already grown fond of Pandora, but oh well. That was the one, I knew it when I saw him.

The thing is, that name wasn't catching. It simply wasn't, for no reason. A few days later, my aunt comes here and she looks at Merlin, and she's like "But this is a girl!" And turns out she was right, and I was simply uneducated about the anatomy of dogs. Anyway, I love Pandora so much. And she loves the cats. She loves them so much she eats cat food. I gave up on giving her dog food, she wants cat food, she'll have her cat food. I should take more pictures though.

[aspotinthesky]

Sitting here thinking about how I really changed my life around in less than a few weeks just by thinking in my favor I'm so proud of myself for not giving up on myself, my relationship, and everything that I wanted. I'm so happy that I persisted, now I'm finally living life.