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No one:
Absolutely no one:
Irkens:
☕️
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I work better now, kinda. Unsure when or why that happened, but at least it was corrected before I went to any fancy doctor for it.
#something still kinda bugs me though#but frankly#i think i've just been lazy n procrastunating this entire time#i don't really want to be This#still#but what can you do lmao? bodies are pretty permanent unless reincarnation is a thing#i just want to feel clean n comfy but also i totally cpuld be if i just tried a little harder#i'm lazy and it's frustrating to everyone involved
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Where'd the creativity go? The imagination?? The potential???
#to be honest the potential was unachievable either way#but i miss being like#creative?#adults called me it often n i wonder if it was just because i like#drew a lot#fuck if i know man
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There's something wrong with me n I'm not really sure what yet lmao
#it's kind of pissing me off#it's no one's fault but i kinda just wanna figure it out and fix it#so i can like#do shit n function#i wonder how i would react to being told my brain is normal n i just suck
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I dislike that my desires conflict
#i want to stand in front of someone and have them love how i look#but i want so badly to cover myself in scars#i'm not sure how those two could co-exist#i fear that when i can live on my own things will go downhill#but at the same time#i look forward to it#i might as well just scar my body#I could never achieve what i want either way
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At this point, I'm not sure of how to feel about my body anymore. If I think about it too much it makes me feel shitty
#it would be better if i took care of it and i do know how#but i can't bring myself to do so much all the time#but so many people *can?*#and they look so wonderful and they're takingncare of themselves#and i can see how much care they put into it#they care enough and they have enough motivation to clean themself up#and it's just for them?#i don't know if i want that or if I'm just glad that they can#-manage it
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