asterizee - Tumblr blog

[asterizee]

do you guys wanna see my favorite video on the internet yes you do

[asterizee]

it sucks so bad that 'lightning magic' in every media is just some pathetic little strands of electricity. i wanna see some LIGHTNING. show me a magic setting where lightning magic lights up a room like the sun, and the bolt is only visible as an afterimage burned into your vision. I wanna see someone cast lightning and have the thunder rattling the room and shaking everyone to their core. i want lightning magic to be a split second blast of so much power it leaves everyone's senses reeling. c'mon guys don't you know what real lightning looks like? we can be doing so much better than this.

[asterizee]

[asterizee]

Genuinely why would Lila not be happy in a relationship with Diego???

THAT MAN WANTED TO BE A HERO, HE WANTED TO BE NUMBER ONE, HE WAS A FUCKING VIGILANTE FOR FUCKS SAKE HE KNEW THAT NORMAL LIFE SUCKED AND WANTED TO DO MORE!!!

AND YOURE TELLING ME LILA DIDNT THINK TO TALK WITH HIM ABOUT THAT SHIT?????? THAT MAN WOULD HAVE SAID ‘YES MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE GO WRECK HAVOC ILL PICK UP THE KIDS TODAY AND DONT FORGET NEXT WEEKEND ITS MY TURN TO GO PUNCH SOME PEOPLE’

DIEGO WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD “BOOKCLUB” AND HAVE SUPPORTED IT 110%

[asterizee]

I think I’ve seen some similar takes on this already but the whole lila and five get stuck in the time line subway subplot had a lot of potential actually but they just BUTCHERED it with the whole romance thing

imo the could have just done this:

- show them bickering and arguing, fighting over wich station/line to chose next in a sibling like manner

- show lila falling asleep on fives shoulder as she keeps mumbling about some stupid thing Diego has done while five tops that story with an even more stupid anecdote from their childhood

- show five trying to shave himself without a mirror and failing miserably until lila rolls her eyes and goes “give it here you absolute imbecile” and then helping him out BUT STAYING AT A REASONABLE DISTANCE AND NOT BREATHING ALL OVER HIS FACE

- show them freezing on the subway floor, five mentioning how they could save body heat by staying close to each other, visibly uncomfortable, and lila pulls a face but they end up falling asleep shoulder to shoulder NOT CUDDLING

- show them at the greenhouse timeline, covering the walls with self-drawn maps and complicated calculations, brooding night after day after night, trying to figure this out with lila drawing little hearts on the paper with her kids initials in it

- show five finding the map on the subway, immediately rushing to tell lila whose face lights up like a supernova and as she exclaims “fuck, we’re going home!” she tries to high five him (it doesn’t really work, because five does NOT do high fives) and then pulls him in for a hug. five just about lets that happen, but he smiles a tiny smile and they arrive just in time for Christmas

basically instead of the romance that gave everyone the ick, they could have just gone for the whole sibling like dynamic between the two of them that I adored a lot in the previous season(s)!!!!

[asterizee]

I remember liking Five Hargreeves so much because of how unique his character was. The nuances in the way he thinks, acts and actually feels inside. The tsundere vibes of “I love you and I will protect you but you will never hear it from me”. 60 years old man stuck in a kid’s body, all that rage pent up in a tiny body and a kid’s face. Five was an all in all very interesting character that lives in the gray area.

Then season 4 went and butchered that. He’s now a brooding character who decided to run away and get stuck in the timeline because he’s emo that his love life failed. Acting exactly like how a person in early 20s would instead of acting like the 60 years old man he is.

His dynamics used to vary depending on which siblings he hangs out with. Remember Season 1 Five with Diego? Season 3 Five with Klaus? Season 3 Five with Viktor? Etc etc… then boom in season 4 it is as if those dynamics did not exist. Lmao.

RIP to a well written, gray, nuance, and beautifully complicated character. Now destroyed, ripped into pieces, and burnt to the ground (literally).

[asterizee]

Dogs have had many jobs throughout history, in this case: Revenge.

[asterizee]

NO but the SECOND they found out that their dad killed Ben? The storyline from there should have been the siblings reverting back to season one, killing their dad, growing up with Ben and being actual little superheros, but all the good moments happen anyway, with Ben included.

Ben meets a girl called Sloane that he loves like a sister, luckily she marries his older brother Luther.

A girl with powers called Lila gets dropped off at their home, she's outcasted but Ben is kind to her, he's the one that convinces Diego to confess his feelings.

Ben babysits Claire whilst Allison is out at BLM protests with Ray.

Ben keeps Klaus sober and helps him control his powers, so when he meets a nice boy called Dave, Klaus can have a healthy relationship.

Ben is snarky, so he and Five have a great relationship, whenever Five goes out exploring, Ben is the one waiting up to make sure there's coffee upon his arrival. To make sure he ALWAYS makes it home.

Ben is the best man at Viktor and Sissys' wedding, helping Harlon tie his tie for him and there is absolutely no world ending crisis for the siblings anymore because Ben loves his brother Viktor, Ben is kind to him, so Viktor never feels alone.

Ben was what they were missing, the most important thing their father took from them, once they get him back, everything else is gravy.

[asterizee]

[asterizee]

well since no one else is going to perform this vital public service here are some reviews of the top ten gun violins on google, by a violist who has shot a gun like twice.

3/10. strings seem to disappear and there are no tuning pegs. impossible to aim as a gun because violin body gets in the way. 3 points for classic black finish, never goes out of style for murders at the symphony.

0/10. same aiming problem as the last one and with strings that short the sound you produce will kill people on its own so why have a gun. also seems to be cut like you’re supposed to shoulder-mount it like a rocket launcher, which is a terrible idea with this kind of gun.

6/10. looks like they’ve gone for an electric violin which is a great choice! it fits the aesthetic and you don’t need to worry about the instrument body this way. heavy, but the weight is concentrated near the chin so should be fine for short sessions. tuning pegs are directly in the firing line so using the gun destroys the violin, only fire as a last resort.

2/10. not fit for either purpose. stupid fake gun gets in the way of the bow, and there’s no sound chamber at all. plus, where do you even put your shoulder. 2 points because I guess you could put it on your wall as a weird art piece.

8/10. finally someone is thinking this through! the retractable barrel and folding fingerboard offer good flexibility and the bridge even doubles as a handy iron sight! needs to be de-strung to fire, so limited on-the-fly mode switching.

1/10. firing the guns will absolutely annihilate the scroll but you might as well because it would have terrible sound anyway. 1 point for thinking of left-handed violinists for once.

-4/10. not even a gun, just a violin that lets you scope the audience for dramatic effect.

5/10. useful if you want to shoot yourself and the conductor at the same time, which is frequently a mood.

6/10. he a little confused, but he got the spirit. technically works as both weapon and instrument but be VERY careful putting it under your chin if you haven’t unloaded the bolt.

-100000/10 what the fuck

[asterizee]

[asterizee]

This is perfectly said, actually.

[asterizee]

How could s4 just forget about Five and Viktor’s close relationship??

They were canonically childhood best friends. Five was canonically the only sibling who never ignored Viktor or made him feel left out (and thus the only one who Viktor did not remember being mean to him as he blew up the academy). Viktor was canonically the first person Five called out for when he arrived in the apocalypse. Viktor was canonically the first person Five confided in about the impending apocalypse. Five was canonically the only sibling not around when Luther locked up Viktor (because he would’ve blinked Viktor out of that cell immediately). Five was canonically the one who brought Viktor back into the family in s2.

Why didn’t s4 show Five and Viktor living together for emotional support? Or at least living near each other and having lunch every week after the time jump?? Why couldn’t the two of them team up for a side plot (that actually was important to the main story)???

[asterizee]

The Umbrella Academy should have ended with the siblings killing Reggie and being given a choice. They could stay together or they could go where they were happiest.

They choose to separate (it's the last season, this had to happen anyway) and that way we still get the big emotional scene.

Luther goes to be with Sloane, wherever she is.

Diego and Lila stay where they are, with their family but they make changes, new places, new adventures.

Klaus goes to be with Dave, in whatever (sober) capacity that is.

Allison chooses to stay with her daughter, she mourned Ray once, she could do it again.

Five goes back to the original timeline, to see everything he missed. He's okay being alone. (He tells them he can figure out how to visit if he feels the inclination.)

Ben goes with Luther because Sloane is his real family.

Viktor goes to Sissy and Harlon.

This + no cheating Lila, no stripper Luther, no fat jokes about Diego or throwaway mentions of important characters, scenes spent trying to be funny rather than serious, no Klaus sexual assault or Viktor being a womaniser.

This but without the character assassination.

[asterizee]

penelope is a better woman than me, i would’ve lied and said i got engaged just to see if colin would cry

[asterizee]

#RIP Penelope Featherington you would’ve loved Regina George

[asterizee]

The rest of the thread is here.

tl;dr: Don’t monetize AO3, kids.  You won’t like what happens next.