astraariel

[astraariel]

rosas

pairing: fili x fem!reader

summary: a recount of your life with fili through flashbacks. based on "rosas" by la oreja de van gogh

word count: 6.2K

warnings: fluffy...and angst :(

tags: fluff; tooth-rotting fluff; love confessions; pining; angst; canonical character death; post-botfa

author’s note: I was listening to my music when this song came on and I realized the lyrics were perfect for a fic idea so I paired it with Fili so here we are :)

surprise, another predominantly angsty fic! are we honestly shocked though? I do love angst and my hyperfixation on lotr/the hobbit has returned (yet again) so obvi that equals angsty fic

I have been writing this fic since July…and finally I have completed it!! gosh I don’t know why I struggled so hard writing this TT...please ignore any grammar mistakes and enjoy♡

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The light Spring breeze wisped along your face as you walked in the square. You could hear the bustling market buzzing in the air as you got closer. 

Your eyes scanned for the familiar stall you had become fast acquainted with since you all reclaimed Erebor. The town was slowly coming into what you imagined it looked like in its prime. You felt pride in your chest knowing you helped fight and reclaim your homeland. 

Squinting from the sun’s rays, you spotted Draza’s stall, a plump, brunette dwarrowdam who had the magic green thumb of a wizard and was the owner of the flower stall you had visited weekly.

The owner was nice enough to offer advice and provide meaning for the flowers, but also kept to her own business when needed. She’s been a helpful and constant dam in your life since living in Erebor.

“Hello, deary! How are you this morning?” Draza’s voice rang through the air.

“I’m good. Yeah, how about you?” You answered.

“Oh quite well, Durik’s healing rather well, too. I thank you again for recommending that herb of yours.” You only nodded your head in reply as you began looking around at the flowers displayed.

“Oh!” Draza’s exclamation caught your attention. “I just picked these out of my own garden for you, lass.” 

Turning your eyesight to the dwarrowdam, you watched her scurry around her shop for a moment before seemingly remembering where she had left those special flowers.

“My roses just bloomed recently and I wanted to give these to you today,” Draza said as she handed you a bouquet of beautiful red roses. 

“Oh, they’re wonderful, and they smell amazing. Thank you, these will be perfect.” You reached over to retrieve your coin pouch before Draza stopped you.

“No, no, deary, this is a gift. For the two of you.” She smiled. “May Mahal bless you,” she said as she shooed you away.

Nodding your head, you smiled and walked out of the shop.

Lifting the roses toward your nose, you inhaled the fragrant aroma of the flowers. The perfume of the bouquet reminded you of when you first met Fili. Who knew the awkward run-in with the crown prince would result in finding the love of your life. 

Smiling softly at the memory, you carefully shifted the roses into your arms as you continued your journey through the market.

The lively marketplace of Ered Luin was always an interesting one to visit. The mixture of humans and dwarves gave you access to explore the culture of man, which made up for the hectic energy that the market came with. 

Weaving your way around the crowds, you were on a mission to get out of there. After all, you have gotten what you came here for. 

Obtaining Master Borim’s lucrative cherry tarts.

Treating yourself was truly a great pastime after a long hard day at work.

Successfully dodging stray limbs in the crowd, your victory was cut short by a strong body.

“Oh, sorry! I didn’t see you there.” Strong arms grabbed yours in response to the sudden collison.

After balancing yourself from the stumble, you looked up and were met with the most vibrant blue eyes you had ever seen. 

The owner of the voice belonged to the most gorgeous dwarf you had ever laid your eyes on. His blonde, wavy hair framed his face perfectly even after being slightly windswept from the tumble the both of you had almost taken. Two short braids secured with beads swayed against his mouth. He wore a green tunic that had the top button undone, displaying a preview of the strong chest you had previously walked into.

Your eyes flicked back to the dwarf’s eyes which were now looking at you in worry. The stranger’s intense gaze brought your attention to the situation at hand again, causing you to step away from his embrace quickly.  

“Are you alright, lass?” Mahal, you were embarrassing yourself.

You cleared your throat, “Yes, I’m,” you straightened your clothes, “I’m okay, thank you. I should have been paying attention to where I was walking.” 

“No, it was completely my fault, here I made you drop your basket.” Before you could process what he had said, he had already extended his hand out waiting for you to grab your forgotten tarts. 

Seemingly, still out of your mind, you hadn’t noticed he had picked it up when you were unceremoniously ogling at the stranger.

Snap out of it. 

“Oh, right, thank you.” You closed your eyes for a second to collect yourself, before offering the dwarf your name. 

A smile filled his face, “Fili, at your service. What a beautiful name for a beautiful dwarrowdam such as yourself.”

Mahal, could he be any more charming? 

If your face hadn’t already been flushed from the embarrassment, it definitely was now.

After a quick moment of silence between the two of you, Fili glanced in your basket. “Are those pastries from Master Borim?”

“What?” Blinking your eyes in confusion you followed his gaze at the basket in your hand. “Oh, yes. He makes the best tarts... but it seems like they’ve been ruined now.” Both your eyes panned down to the floor where the cherry filling had met its unfortunate demise.

Fili quirked his mouth, “Well, I happen to know that Master Borim makes a new batch right around,” he glanced at the sky, “...now.”

You raised a brow, “Is that so?” 

Fili nodded his head quickly. “How about I pay you back for your lost dessert?”

Your heart was beating in your chest, you weren’t sure why but you felt your heart gravitating toward this newfound stranger; you were aching to get to know him more. 

His blue eyes looked at you expectantly, his eyebrows raised slightly, bated breath waiting for your answer. 

And in that moment, you knew you’d love him for the rest of your life.

“Lead the way.”

Rousing back from your thoughts, you peered over the passing stalls. Various vendors came out on Fridays to sell their fresh and new items for the weekend sales. Customers from Dale usually set out today to begin their perusing for the weekend as well so the market was extra busy than it typically was.

Leaning over carefully, you analyzed the collection of tea leaves, the aroma distracting you from your surroundings, beckoning you to reach over to grab a bundle. Stretching over, you picked the pink hibiscus tea bags and walked over to the owner to purchase them.

Thanking the merchant, you placed the dry flowers in your bag as you continued to explore the market. You’d have to bring a teapot next Friday so you can have tea with Fili at the hilltop.

Glancing around the stalls, you continued browsing the vast selections, a couple of things catching your eye or reminding you of Fili had you buying a few more items for the next hour.

You were chatting with a kind dwarf who was selling his selection of knives and daggers when you heard your name from behind.

The familiar voice rang in the air catching your attention, you excused yourself from the dwarf with a smile and a quick “thank you, will you excuse me?” before turning around to find the source of the voice.

Your eyes found Kili’s form waving his hand at you along with Tauriel beside him. 

“Ah, namad! Fancy seeing you here.” Kili’s peppy voice was paired with a broad smile on his face.

You ignored his antics and offered a simple, “Hello, Kili,” before turning to the elf, offering her a smile. “Tauriel, I haven’t seen you in a while, did you just get back?

“Yes, I just got back from Mirkwood last night.” Tauriel nodded in confirmation.

“How wonderful.” Your eyes met Kili’s as he glanced at the items in your hands. “Roses for Fili?” You hummed in confirmation. “He’ll love ‘em.” He nodded his head in approval.

Kili clicks his tongue, “you know, I told Fili multiple times to just court you.” Sighing dramatically he continues, “he was smitten, namad, I mean it was crazy how in love he was after just meeting you!” Kili’s arms were waving around as he attempted to count the amount of times he claimed to have told Fili to just ask you out. 

Noticing that neither you nor Tauriel seemed to give him the benefit of the doubt, he continued. “You know if it wasn’t for me, Fili would have never asked you out!” Kili points an accusatory finger in your direction, nodding his head vigorously, agreeing with himself. 

You simply raised an eyebrow at him.

Chuckling, Tauriel reaches over at Kili’s arm to lower it back to his side. “Okay, Kee, I think she gets it. I doubt you were the deciding factor anyways, Fili is far braver than you.” 

“Ah, I’ll have you know-” Kili’s attention was on Tauriel now as he attempted to defend himself in whatever non-existent argument he was battling in. 

Your eyes moved over to Tauriel as she gazed at him while Kili rattled off all the reasons why he was the superior and braver brother out of the two to her. The obvious joking tone in Tauriel’s resounding “oh really?”made you smile. Despite Kili’s waving hands, Tauriel simply watched his antics with love and admiration. The look in her gaze reminded you of yours whenever Fili acted a little too similar to his younger brother. 

A quiet thud drifted your attention from the novel you were currently invested in. Staying still for a second you waited to see if you’d hear the noise again or if you were imagining things. 

Thump. Thump.

Definitely not imagining things. 

You gently lifted your blankets off, before slowly making your way toward your window. 

The cold twilight breeze hit your face as you pulled the window open, making eye contact with the perpetrator of the noise. 

“Fili,” you scoffed, “What are you doing throwing rocks at my window? What if I was sleeping?  The sun hasn’t even risen yet.”

“Oh please, I knew you were awake because I saw the oil lamp on.” His mouth was slowly curving into a grin. “Come on, give me some credit, I care.” You glared at him. “Now, grab your coat and get out here.” 

“Wait, Fili!” You whisper-yelled, suddenly conscientious of the time. “Where are we going?” 

“You’ll see.”

You sighed and closed your window before quickly slipping on your boots. You looked in your mirror hastily attempting to make yourself look presentable before meeting Fili.

Since that day of running into him, you’ve hung out with Fili almost daily. The quickly growing friendship became one of your most cherished relationships with any other dwarf in the mountains. It was nice having a close friendship that forced you to socialize with others who weren't your family.

You knew deep down that it wasn’t simply because Fili made great for random adventures or telling you about a random story that he and his brother, Kili, had embarked on when they were children; no, it was because you were starting to develop feelings for the dwarf. Ones you weren’t sure were even reciprocated. 

Even though you hadn't known Fili for long, you could tell everyone loved him. He seemed to know anyone and everyone while making others fawn at him easily. Since he was the crowned prince, people had high affections for him and his brother. 

You honestly did not want to become just another person in the vast ocean of people in love with him. You were sure these feelings would go away soon enough.

Quietly opening your bedroom door, you tiptoed out the back, holding your breath in hopes of not waking anyone up. 

You heard the muffled close of the door, allowing you to relax. Looking up, the moon still shined bright, illuminating the scenery around you. 

“There you are, you really took your time.” Fili chided.

Ignoring his comment you replied, “Why did you call me out here?”

“I figured we could take a walk.” Fili’s tone was light. You could tell he wasn’t telling the full truth but disregarded it. 

“You couldn’t wait to go on a walk in the daytime?” You questioned, “You know, like when it’s bright out?”

Fili only hummed in reply. 

Glancing over at him you admired his profile. The moonlight accentuated his strong features, giving attention to his handsome visage. His hair was disheveled from the long day he probably had, but it didn't make him any less attractive. His golden hair looked as vibrant as ever, you held yourself back from reaching out and running your fingers through it.

Noting how long you were probably staring, you averted your eyes to your feet. You still weren't sure where you were going but Fili seemed to so you didn't question it. 

The silence was quickly broken by him. “I wanted to see you.”

“What?” You turned your head toward Fili.

“Why I couldn't wait,” he looked over at you, “I had to see you.” 

Fili’s eyes were soft, his tone delicate as if he hadn’t seen you the day before; like he was truly capturing every second of this moment as if you had been gone for centuries.

Feeling your skin blushing, you cleared your throat and looked forward again. Your eyes scanned the view before you, there was a hill up ahead with a lone tree standing at the top. The gravelly path the two of you were following had long turned to dirt and grass. You truly had no clue where Fili had taken you.

“Come, you’ll love this.” Fili grabbed your hand suddenly, pulling you toward the hill. The sudden rush of his hand securely holding yours had your head spinning. The beat of your heart thumping loudly enough to alert anyone in the vicinity. 

Fili picks up his pace and begins to run toward the top. Screaming you yell, “Wait, Fee, hold on!” Fili only laughs before continuing his sprint with you in tow.

The warmth of Fili’s hand vanishes, making you shiver slightly and pull your hand toward your chest. Turning your attention to the scenery, you take in the vast forest that lay ahead, the moon only illuminated a small portion of the town the two of you had just come from.

“You like it?” Fili’s voice breaks you out of the spell you were in. Nodding, you look over at him and smile. 

Fili’s face breaks out in a soft smile, one enough for his dimples to make an appearance. His hair was disheveled from his impromptu run up the hill and his fur jacket was tousled up slightly, exposing his undershirt he must have been sleeping in before coming to find you. 

Realizing the two of you were just looking at each other, you blush and turn away from him. 

Being at the top of the hill had brought a slightly cooler wind causing you to shiver. Your hands subconsciously began to rub your arms in hopes of creating some form of warmth.

Damn, you forgot your coat, and Fili had reminded you. 

Scolding yourself internally, you rolled your eyes at yourself. 

Great.

A new weight surrounded your shoulders pulling you from your thoughts. Turning, you made eye contact with Fili placing his jacket on you. “Told you to bring a coat, silly.” 

Your mind wasn't able to come up with anything witty so you reply with a lame, “thank you” and break eye contact with him. 

The familiar nerves and butterflies swarm your body. Attempting to distract yourself, you walked over to the tree noticing a bush behind it. Nearing it, you observed the blooming flowers. 

The pleasant sight of red roses greets your eyes as you lean over to smell them. The calming yet familiar aromatic scent of roses embraces you in their notes. 

Closing your eyes you welcome the quiet night landscape Fili brought you to. You could hear Fili’s footsteps walk away before returning back to your form, prompting you to open your eyes. 

You're greeted by the sight of Fili’s hand tightly holding onto a single rose, extended toward you. His face was neautral but you could see his hand wavering slightly, his nerves worried you weren’t going to accept the flower from him.

Laughing quietly, you take the rose from his hand and bring it to your nose. 

“You know,” Fili takes a deep breath, “I have come up with multiple scenarios and ways to tell you this-” He glances at you. “But I can never seem to say anything to you once you're in front of me, amrâlimê.” 

Shifting your attention to him, your eyes widen at the name. 

Did he just-?

“I had this whole thing prepared and I have been trying to memorize it but Kili told me to just go for it and so that’s why I wanted to see you tonight because I had the guts to do it at the moment.” Fili’s eyes analyzed your face, his brows were slightly scrunched in anxiety.

“I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you I think since I bumped into you at the market.” 

Smiling softly, you walk closer to him. “Are you going to keep talking or are you going to kiss me?” With a sigh of relief, Fili reaches over and pulls you into a kiss. 

Your tentative bodies meet with the long awaited confessions the both of you have been itching to spill to the other. His hand gently laid on your cheek as yours held onto the precious rose he had gifted you. 

Parting from each other, you smile shyly. “I love you too.” You look to the side, “Obviously, I mean who else would go out in the middle of the night with a random dwarf.” 

Rolling his eyes he holds your free hand before shouting an, “oh, wait!” His hands reach over to the pockets of his coat that still lay on top of your shoulders. 

“I almost forgot.” He lets out a nervous laugh before clasping his fingers around whatever he pulled out. “Will you do me the honor and accept my courting bead?”  

You're sure your cheeks will be sore in the morning due to the amount of times you’ve smiled at the dwarf in front of you tonight. 

Nodding your head you turn around and fiddle with your rose in your hand as Fili puts a new braid in your hair.

That familiar smile appeared on your lips as you returned to the present. 

Noticing your silence, Kili finishes his debate with himself and glances over at you.

“What are you smiling at, namad?” Kili’s face softens. 

Shaking your head, you look at Kili. “Nothing, I’m just remembering and,” you roll your eyes, “Kili’s right, you did in fact push Fili into finally asking him to court me.”

“Aha! See, I told you, Tauriel.” Kili’s triumph win brings a laugh to your lips as you shake your head at his antics once again. 

“I should probably continue with my journey, I need to get to the hilltop before it begins to gets too late.”

“You're going to see Fili, right?” Tauriel asks. Nodding you say nothing. “Give him my regards.” She says before turning to continue their way to wherever they were heading.

“I’ll see you later, namad!” Waving, you wait to see them walk away before turning back around to exit the market.

Your hands played with the stems of the roses in your arms, allowing for your mind to wander as your feet continued on the familiar path toward the hilltop.

After Fili and you had finally decided to court, the two of you were inseparable even more than you had already been. Your heart had felt whole, like your other half had finally come home. 

Because he had. Fili was finally home with you. 

Your One.

You knew Fili was your One. You probably knew since the day you set eyes on him. He completed you, he was able to know if you were upset before you yourself could even tell. The slightest sign and he was on you, at your beck and call offering to run and grab anything you might potentially need. 

Your heart burst with love any moment he looked at you. He didn't have to say or do anything, just his presence alone brought you joy. 

The bustling marketplace had long disappeared as you walked farther away. Bending down you removed your shoes and rolled up your pants before swiftly threading through a shallow stream. You knew you were getting close to the hill, the small water source indicating you were getting farther from town and closer to your destination. The cool water rushed around your ankles as you held onto your items tightly so as to not drop them in the water below. 

A giggle sounded from your mouth as your mind replayed a memory of the time Fili had fallen into a river by accident on a task that Dis has entrusted the three of you. 

Fili had tried to prove to Kili that he could in fact jump onto the rock that had sat in the middle of the river. The long distance had made you weary, warning you with a “it's slippery, please don't do it.” Only for him to wink at you as he went into a fullsprint toward the river that resulted in him ass first in the bottom of the river. 

Unfortunately for Dis, her package that the three of you were supposed to deliver had gotten soaked since Fili had forgotten to remove it off his back before pulling his stunt.

Let’s just say, Dis didn't ask the three of you to go on another task for a couple weeks. 

Shaking your head at the memory, you smile at the sky as you looked at the clouds. The random shapes formed together as they whispered along and played with each other. 

Your eyes scanned the trees on your left, the sparse woodsy area provided a view of the pond that sat in the middle of it.

The leaves on the trees swayed in the wind, the quiet whistle it made filled your senses as you continued your hike. 

Shifting the roses into the other arm, a groan escaped your mouth after a sharp pain shot through your left shoulder. Pausing slightly, you gently relaxed your arm so as to not trigger another pang. You still weren’t used to being conscious of your shoulder blade even after all these months. The new addition from the quest was a result of being shoved into a rock during the final battle.

You had honestly forgotten about your injury since you hadn’t set it off all day so far. 

You hummed and began walking again, you mind on the quest now.

There had been talks of reclaiming Erebor but you didn’t actually think it’d happen. You were quickly proven wrong when Fili immediately sought you after talking to his Uncle.

“Uncle has asked me to join his quest. I agreed.”

“What? Why can’t you just tell him no, Fili.”

“You know I can’t.”

“I just don't want to lose you.”

“And you won’t, come with me, ghivashel.”

His quick decision of adding you to the company had been an easy solution for you. There was no way you’d be separated from Fili for however long the quest would take.

Not knowing if he’d return back to you? No, you couldn’t do it. 

So naturally you accepted his offer.

Thorin was hesitant on allowing you to join at first, but after suffering from a day of short responses from you everytime he tried to talk to you, he eventually gave in. 

Your quiet and regular life was quite a harsh lifestyle to get used to once the quest had ended. The constant life on the road, being weary of any and every move the company made until you all were able to find shelter was a life you had gotten used to.

While the journey did bring hardships, you and Fili had both created a new personal goal to achieve once the quest finished.

The quiet stream of the lake lulled you in a relaxing daze you hadn’t been able to get with the already exhausting journey the quest was becoming. 

Stopping in Rivendell was a gift and a must needed stop that Gandalf had granted you all even if Thorin didn’t agree with it. 

You for one, did agree.

The distant music the elves were creating further soothed you as you leaned on the smooth rocks behind you with your eyes closed, giving into the relaxing environment. 

A snap of a branch followed by a quiet “shit” prompts you to open your eyes in order to find the perpetrator who was currently disrupting your alone time.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing, I’m joining my lovely One in a relaxing bath she did not invite me to.”

You watched as Fili began to remove his clothes, blushing slightly at the wink he sent you when he caught you peeking at him. 

Before you could process anything, Fili catches you off guard by unceremoniously jumping into the water.

Attempting to shield yourself from the water he splashed at you, your arms scramble to block the waves of the disturbed lake. 

“I swear sometimes I think you act more like the younger brother than Kili does.”

Emerging from the water, he grins at you and shakes his hair in response.

Shielding yourself again, you groan at his antics.

The moonlight highlighted Fili’s blond hair, the waves already losing a bit of shape due to the water, but not making him any less ethereal at the moment. Your gaze wandered down, watching the water cascade down his strong chest, emphasizing his toned body. 

You were grateful that his eyes were currently closed because if he had caught you ogling at his naked torso (again), you’d never hear the last of it.

You eyed a droplet that had fallen from his hair onto his chest, the bead slowly making its descent into the water, becoming whole with the lake once again.

Your heart swelled with being with your One, he made you feel whole. 

Your attention returned to Fili’s face, his eyes meeting yours with a knowing smile on his lips. Rolling your eyes in silent response, you watch as he wades over toward you. 

His face softens as he just observes you. Even after so many years together, Fili’s gaze always seemed to make you nervous and create butterflies in your stomach.

“You look beautiful.” Fili whispers. 

Laughing quietly, you look over at him. “Yeah, now I do after finally being able to bathe myself.” 

Shaking his head, he smiles. “You always look beautiful, amrâlimê.”

“Well, it’s a gift.” You joked back. 

Fili doesn’t laugh but instead continues to gaze at you. “I still can’t believe you’re with me.” 

“If not me, who else?” Fili rolls his eyes, “Kidding.” You smile at yourself before moving closer to his body.

“You know, you still make me nervous.” You confess. 

Fili grins, you continued, “I still freak out over if I should hold your hand,” you laugh at yourself, “I just always freeze whenever you're near, even after these years. You’d think I’d get over it.” You huffed finally. 

Laughing, Fili takes your hands and intertwines his, pulling you toward him more. He doesn't say anything for a bit, simply admiring your face. You wondered how you must’ve looked, your hair was most likely flat on your head pinned against your face. Your tired eyes drooped slightly from the relaxing moment the two of you were having. You’d most likely say you looked ugly but you knew he’d replied with a “never.”

“Marry me.”

“What?”

“Marry me, amrâlimê. Let us spend eternity with each other.” He grabs your hands. “Once we reclaim Erebor, will you stand by me and be my future wife?”

“Fili,” you felt your head nodding, “of course.” 

Smiling, he pulls you gently into a soft kiss. His lips were soft against your own, the hint of wine still on his lips from dinner earlier mingled with your own. 

Pulling away quickly he rushes out the water to retrieve something from his pile of belongings. Carefully returning to you, he extends his arm out to give you a rose. 

“Ah, yes my rose.” Bringing the flower to your nose, you asked. “Where did you get it?”

“Elrond may or may not be one rose less in his flower garden.” He answered truthfully.

Laughing, he pulls you toward him again to kiss your cheek, “I promise you, once Erebor is reclaimed. You will be my wife, ghivashel.”

“Well, I can’t wait.” Your voice whispers as the two of you seal your promise with a kiss.

Your hand subconsciously finds itself playing with your braid as your eyes gazed at the tree in the horizon. 

Almost there.

Your fingers fiddled at the bead that held your marriage braid, the cool metal that held the Durin emblem had been neatly carved by Fili upon your wedding day. In addition to your original courting bead, both of them sat in their adjoining spots in the same braid in your hair. It was a habit of yours to trace the carvings with your fingers. He’d always smile at you when you’d zone out and he would notice you fiddling with them.

You pulled the braid in front of your face to inspect it. There were a few stray pieces of hair that had fallen out of place. 

You’d have to rebraid it when you get back to your chambers. 

Clearing your throat, you hummed to yourself as you began your trek up the hill. 

After the battle, you had walked around the nearby area and found this hilltop that was eerily similar to the one where you and Fili had your first kiss on back in Ered Luin. Finding comfort in the almost identical layout, you decided to make this your spot where you and Fili could meet every Friday.

The satisfying feeling of deja vu washed over you as you watched the lone pine tree gently sway in the wind, reminding you of your younger selves, totally infatuated with each other standing there on that hill waiting for the other to finally confess their love for the other.

You stood still for a second, catching your breath from the steep hill you just walked up. 

Your eyes admired the view that the hilltop offered. The sun’s rays beamed down, showcasing the scenery before you. The quiet birds calling out to each other along with the wind running through the tree’s leaves gave you a nice break from the bustling market from earlier.  

Sighing, you peer down as you finally kneeled. 

“Hello, Fili,” you whispered. “I got you your roses, amrâlimê.”

You smiled as you placed the bouquet of roses down before wiping stray leaves that had fallen on the gravestone. Your fingers traced the familiar engravings of Fili’s name, you sighed softly and sat down fully. 

“Ran into Kili and Tauriel on the way here, she says hi by the way.” Your voice rang in the quiet air. 

You sat in silence for a bit as you busied yourself by replacing the old bouquet of roses from last week that were currently sitting in the vase at the base of the gravestone. The delicate petals fell as you gently removed them from the clear glass, dumping the water as well. 

You stood up and walked over to a bucket that you had placed to catch any rain water. Dipping the vase into the bucket, you lifted the glass and made sure the water level was to your liking. 

Satisfied, you walked back to the grave and sat back down to continue your quiet task of arranging the roses. 

Leaning over to place the vase back in its spot, your hand lingered over the gravestone, your fingers hovered over the words“Warrior, Prince, Son, and Fiancé” before dropping your hands in your lap. 

You met Fili every Friday to give him his roses. Some days you’re able to have a calm visit where you just clean around the grave and replace the flowers and leave. 

Other days you absolutely lose your mind.

It looked to be like the latter day.

The feeling of wetness appears on your skin, the familiar streaks of tears make their appearance on your face. 

“I’m sorry.” You say as you wipe your tears roughly. “I’m trying.”

“I really am, Fili.” 

“But it's so hard.”

“Everywhere I look I just-,” a gasp released from your throat as you attempted to regain your breath.

“Everything reminds me of you.”

And everything truly did. 

It didn't help that wherever you went there were sad looks from people. At first, you didn't notice them. Not caring what others thought, you were too busy mourning the loss of your One to care. But as time went on, and the months came one by one, everyone began to move on.

But not you, you’d always stay. 

Soon those sad stares turned into pity, whispers of “she visits him every Friday” and “she still speaks of him as if he’s still alive.” 

They moved on. They’ve returned back to their daily lives. But you hadn’t.

How could you?

The tears were constant. Droplets falling onto your hands and the ground where you faced. Your vision was blurry and you were beginning to develop a headache. “Why wasn’t I there?” You heaved. 

Clamping your mouth shut, you attempted to prevent yourself from screaming. Too many Fridays have gone by where you go back with your voice gone and your head pounding in the morning.

“I’m so sorry.”

Your throat was so tight.

You felt like there wasn’t any air in your lungs, slicing orcs that lay in your path was the result of pure adrenaline. 

You needed to find him.

The icy wind bit at your exposed skin, your hands were starting to get a bit numb from the frantic rushed fighting you were doing in an attempt to get to him faster.

Scanning the area, you continued your way toward where Fili was. 

The white snow blinded you slightly as your feet carried you around the corner. You sucked your breath as you were met with Fili on the ground. 

Dropping your sword in your hand, you rushed toward him to kneel beside him. “Fili.”

“Amrâlimê.” His face widened as he noticed your presence. 

Frantically, you opened his coat before pressing your hand on the stab wound. “Hey, hey-you’re going to be okay. I’m here.” Your head turned around looking for anyone but found no luck.

A cough brought your attention back to Fili, his blue eyes meeting yours. “Stay.”

Reaching over you brought his hand to your lips.“Of course. Of course, I’ll stay.” You knew it wasn’t going to be possible to get Fili out of here without catching any orcs’ attention. The wound was too deep anyways.

And that fall.

“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good.” He breathed.

Despite all that was happening, Fili’s face was filled with a smile. Directed toward you and only you.

Tears spilled from your face, as you looked at his body. Your mouth began to tremble as you remembered-

“Hey, don’t cry. I want to see your beautiful face happy. Please.”

Closing your eyes you smiled slowly before meeting Fili’s again. You bent over to kiss him on his lips. 

Fili’s eyes never left yours. “Remember how nervous I was when we first kissed?”

Laughing slightly, you nodded, “You’re so cute when you're nervous. I had to tell you to just kiss me. ”

It was quiet for a moment.

“Kili.” Fili’s voice was light. 

“He’s fine,” Your mind rushed to when you last saw Kili, you weren't entirely sure where he was. “And your uncle.” 

Fili blinked slowly as you swallowed. Silence falls on the two of you again. The muffled noise from fighting nearby could be heard.

“We need to have roses.”

Not processing what he said, you tilted your head. “What?”

“For the wedding. We need to have roses. It’s kinda-,” he breathed, “kinda our thing.”

You smiled as you brought your hand to his cheek and caressed his face. Wiping stray blood off, you delicately traced his face. 

“Of course…of course, we’ll have roses, my love.” 

“I’ll have to find,” he caught his breath, “the freshest ones just for you.” 

Nodding silently, you closed your eyes attempting to not begin sobbing. 

“I love you.” You opened your eyes again. Fili was still smiling up at you like he always was. 

“I love you, too.” You breathed out.

You bent down to kiss him again, noticing that he was beginning to get cold but you tried to ignore it.

His eyes glazed over for a second before letting out a small breath of air. 

Sobbing you pulled him closer to you. “I’m here, my love. I’m here.” Your chest shook as you attempted to muffle your cries.

With one last breath, Fili closed his eyes and you felt his body relax. 

Shutting your eyes, you wailed.

[astraariel]

flores amarillas (a devotion of love)

pairing: fili x mexican!reader (kinda?)

summary: after being thrown into Middle Earth randomly, Fili surprises you with an act of love, reminding you of your life back home.

september 21st - when someone gives someone else yellow flowers on this day, it means you have undying loyalty and love for that person and can be used as a symbol wishing to spend the rest of your days with that person.

word count: 2.4K

warnings: none

tags: tooth-rotting fluff; nobody dies/everyone lives!au; modern character in middle earth!au

author’s note: I am so sorry for being gone for a whole year, oops. here is a fic I wrote in a couple of hours bc I randomly got the urge to write again… my hyperfixation of lotr/the hobbit has made it’s return so I hope you guys love Fili as much as I do <3

so when I daydream, obviously I do it by how it pertains to myself and my culture so this technically is a mexican!reader insert since it's a holiday from my culture BUT it’s a cute holiday nonetheless so I wanted to write about it. this will probably be the only specific reader fic I write because I don’t want to narrow my broadness bc I try to write for any READER! (ig I also write just fem!reader but I digress)

am I posting this a month after the date? yes, yes I am. but who cares! I still wanted to write this and I think it will help me get out of my slump and make me try to write more…

for the sake of the fic (and my mind) the dwarves have the same calendar system as us... I can not mentally try to convert when September 21st would be for them lol. anyways, enjoy and ignore any grammar mistakes♡

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The sound of your footsteps echoed around the grand halls of Erebor, the quiet murmurs and shuffling of all the dwarves doing their jobs filled the air as you walked toward the gates.

Thorin had dismissed Fili of his duties for the day as crown prince, allowing him to skip all his meetings he normally would be in attendance to.

As soon as Fili had gotten the news, he ran to find you so he could make sure to steal you away for the day. 

So here you currently were, making your way to where Fili was so he could surprise you with whatever he had planned for your date.

Looking back on your life now to what it was back in your world, was bizarre to say the least. You’ve grown accustomed to your new life here in Middle Earth, but it had taken you a bit to adjust to it. Having been fond of the books made you excited to live and breathe the words you had read as a kid in real life.

Finding yourself stumbling around the Shire at the same time when the company had been instructed to meet at Bilbo’s house, changed your life for the better. 

Once Thorin had begrudgingly allowed your presence into the company, you quickly learned how the quest had been a long and exhausting one. Hours and hours of the dwarves grilling you on where you came from, what your world was like, and what you were doing there had your head spinning. Eventually, it turned from weariness to genuine curiosity so you had found yourself on quiet nights around the fire, surrounded by thirteen dwarves, a hobbit, and a wizard telling them about random facts from your world. 

The company slowly began warming up to you in their own ways, but you grew exceptionally close to the two younger brothers. 

Many nights with Fili and Kili had you going on and on about your life back home. Kili’s incessant questions and curiosity allowed you to run your mouth over and over about random aspects of your life and made you grow fond of him immediately. Fili, on the other hand, was a bit quieter, shaking his head at his brother’s antics and having more thoughtful questions that had you reminiscing on old memories.

Nonetheless, you began to care for them even with the many nights that had you dreading the end of the quest and the final battle that the dwarves found themselves in before reclaiming their homeland. 

You originally didn’t want to get close to any of them, the fact that you already knew their fate and they didn't, ate at you everyday. You kept your distance at first, the anticipatory grief already settling in once you had made eye contact with the brothers that very first day was already too much. And yet, you still found yourself laughing and opening up to them throughout the quest. 

Especially Fili. 

His blue eyes captivated your mind, they beckoned you to get closer to him, to ask him questions about his life back home in the Blue Mountains. About his childhood, his hobbies, his likes and dislikes; he made you fall in love with him after your very first conversation. 

Of course, you couldn’t voice that. He was the crown prince, who was currently on a quest to reclaim his motherland. 

And of course also because…the ending.

You weren’t sure how your presence in Middle Earth and on the quest would affect the outcome, but if you couldn’t change what happened, you wanted to save yourself that grief. 

And yet, when Fili presented the courting bead he had been creating late at night during the journey, you accepted it wholeheartedly. 

You were a selfish creature. 

Thankfully, you did everything in your power to keep everyone alive, after long and anxious nights of sitting by all of the Durin’s beds they all healed from the battle and began their new lives in Erebor.

You began your new life in Erebor as well, with Fili. 

A voice shouting your name shook you from your thoughts. 

“Amrâlimê, you look beautiful as ever.” Fili came into view as you processed his comment.

Smiling, you leaned over to kiss him. “Thank you, you look wonderful as well.”

Grinning, he took your hand. “Come, I have an amazing day planned for us, ghivashel.”

♡‧₊˚

Your fingers traced the lines on Fili’s hand as the two of you laid in the grass, still recuperating from the spontaneous race up the hill where you currently both laid atop of.

After a bit of silence, Fili’s voice rang in your ear. “Did you have fun, my love?” 

Sitting up on your arm, you look over at him. “Of course I did, I always enjoy myself when I’m with you.”

Fili looks over at you, “Flattery,” he grabs your hand and kisses it, “careful fair maiden, you may just create an admirer out of me with your words.”

Giggling at your mushy banter, you smile over at him. His golden waves framed his face perfectly in the fading daylight. His eyes crinkling in happiness as he looked over at you made you swoon inside.

Fili stands abruptly, extending his hand out to you. “Come, follow me, I figured we could have a picnic under the stars like old times.” 

Fili leads you off to the side into a fenced off area where you knew the few botanist dwarves cultivated their flowers. 

Once the two of you entered, your eyes were met with a blanket in the middle of the garden with an area of food and desserts displayed along with blankets that the two of you could use for the coming night chill.

“When did you do this? You were with me all day?” Your confused face followed Fili’s figure that was walking toward the sitting area.

Fili sends you a cheeky grin. “I may or may not have bribed Kili to do this for me with the guarantee that I’d cover for him with Uncle so he can sneak off with Tauriel next week.”

Scoffing, you shake your head. “Kili will do anything but confront Thorin about being with Tauriel, he needs to just suck it up and tell your Uncle he’s in love with an elf.”

Fili hums in agreement as he guides you further toward the blanket. You situate yourself as you look over the treats that Fili (Kili) had laid out for you.

The two of you quietly begin snacking as you gaze at the sky when Fili breaks the silence. “I’m very lucky to have you, amrâlimê, I thank whatever power that put you in my world because I was able to meet and love you.”

Rolling your eyes, you turn away from Fili, “you're so sappy.” Glancing at him again you smile, you never will get used to his random confessions of love he does. You don't think the butterflies will ever go away, he constantly makes your heart want to burst out of your chest with how fast it always beats around him. 

The amount of love you have for Fili has never been like anything you’ve experienced. Whenever you think or look at him your heart swells, just being in his presence sends a calming effect through you and yet simultaneously, a tsunami of intense emotion. You've never had any love like it before.

You agreed with what he said, you truly thank whatever power placed you in the Shire when it did.

“I know we don’t really see each other often since I'm so busy-” Fili begins.

“Fee, I know you have responsibilities, I understand.” 

Fili just stares and smiles at you for a second. “I know you do, Mahal, I love you so much.” After a split second he says, “I’ll be right back.”

The random shift of tone catches you by surprise eliciting a laugh from you, “What?” 

“I’ll be right back!” He gives no other explanation before running off in a direction leaving you. 

“Ok?” You’re left confused, but amused at your lover’s antics.

A few minutes pass by before you hear footsteps returning, your head turns in the direction of the sound and you find Fili’s figure holding something behind his back.

“What are you hiding,” you giggle, “What’s behind your back, Fee?” Leaning over you try to get a glimpse at the mystery behind him.

He doesn't say anything as he bends down to get on his knee so he can be closer at your eye level to your figure reclining on the ground. 

You look at him expectantly waiting for him to start.

“I wanted to make this a grand gesture, but I was panicking and Kili’s fed up with me constantly going on and on about this day but…”

Titling your head, you question, “This day?” 

Fili seems to stop his rambling and pulls his arms from behind. “It’s the 21st of September.”

You let out a surprise gasp before sitting up. You had noted on the calendar in your room that it was the 21st but expected nothing from it since you weren't in your own world.

And yet here was Fili, kneeling with yellow flowers held out in front you. 

Your eyes scan over the array of yellow flowers that were held carefully with white paper in Fili’s hands.

“How did you-?” 

Fili smiles, “During the quest, remember?”

Your mind combed through your memories, attempting to recall the conversation. 

The company had been unknowingly making the journey to Rivendell (under Gandalf’s expense) which had evoked Kili’s curious side from the exhausting trek. You and the two brothers were walking side by side toward the back, when Kili had posed you with a new question from your life back in your world.

“Tells us more about your culture,” Kili nudges you, “not just your world but you specifically.”

Catching you by surprise, you think quickly for an answer. “Hmm…well from where I’m from, there's a specific day that a person may use to confess how they feel about you.” You're not really sure what compelled you to mention this specific custom, but your mouth opened before your mind could keep up with it.

Kili’s eyes brightened with your response, so you knew you’d have to unfortunately continue with the train of thought.

“Well, on the 21st of September, if someone gives you yellow flowers, it has meaning. A lot of people from my culture see receiving yellow flowers on this day as being a very important and caring act. It’s to some, very intimate, because not many express their emotions like this so when a person does, the significance is extraordinary.” Your eyes flick back to the brothers.

Clearing your throat, you looked forward in embarrassment.

Great. You’ve just opened that can of worms out to the two brothers who you’ve barely met, as well as whoever else was currently eavesdropping in your conversation.

Not having felt the change in air with you, Kili continued to ask, “Have you been gifted yellow flowers before?”

Still not making eye contact with either of the brothers, you sighed. “No, I have not.” Clicking your tongue you continued, “I think perhaps it’s because the people who I have dated didn’t know about the meaning. I mean, even if they did, I don’t think the flowers would mean much because the relationships never worked out.” You shrugged lamely.

It’s not like you’re admitting all your past relationships were a bust, it just wasn't the type of love that was true. If any of your exes had gifted you yellow flowers, you're not sure if it would’ve had the type of impact you’ve always imagined. All your relationships had their highs, but they also had their lows, hence why they all ended and why none of them had gifted you your yellow flowers. 

You still had the hopeless romantic thought that The One would come into your life and you’d know if they were The One if they gifted you your flores amarillas like you've dreamed of. 

“Ah, well that’s interesting!” You looked over as Kili smiled at you, apparently losing interest in the conversation. Glancing at Fili, you noted that he seemingly wasn't paying attention to your entire spiel; thankfully in his own thoughts.

Your mind reels back from the memory. You knew exactly why you didn't remember that because you were embarrassed for the rest of the day because you had gotten emotional during the conversation. While you were already getting close to the brothers, you still were embarrassed that so early on you had opened up about your pathetic love life so much that you blocked it from your mind.

“I thought you weren’t listening when I was talking about that to Kili?” You questioned.

“Of course I was listening, every time you spoke I was captivated.” Fili’s smile softens.

Biting your lip in an attempt to stop yourself from grinning, you let him continue.

“When you had answered Kili's question with that, it took me by surprise but I found myself enamored by the way you spoke about the custom. So when I heard you speak about your culture, I knew it meant a lot to you not only due to the meaning but because it reminded you of your world.” He reaches a hand toward you, “While I am thankful you're here with me, I know that you also were pulled from the world you knew, so by talking about your culture it comforted you.” 

Your eyes began to water, God, you truly loved him. 

“I knew I wanted to incorporate this day in our lives so I thought what better yet than to propose to you with something that reminded you of your culture back home.” 

Your eyes widen, “I knew you were my One the moment I set eyes on you. So, will you marry me, amrâlimê? Will you grant me the privilege of spending the rest of your life in your new home with me?” 

“Of course I’ll marry you, Fili.” Leaping over you toppled both of your bodies to the ground with your hug. 

Landing on your sides, Fili pulls away quickly, “Don’t crush your flowers!” 

“Oh, oops, sorry.” You laugh before grabbing and smelling the bouquet, “Where’d you get these?” 

“Oh, I got them in Dale this morning,” 

“Oh my gosh.”

He laughs, “Yeah I’ve been writing to a botanist who has a flower shop in town, because I was wanting real yellow flowers for you.” 

“Flores amarillas.”

“What?” Fili looks at you.

“Flores amarillas, it means yellow flowers in Spanish.”

He smiles at you and slowly repeats, “flores amarillas.”

Giggling, you nodded.

Grinning at Fili, you made a mental note to teach him Spanish.

[astraariel]

scarlett love

pairing: sanji x fem!reader

summary: you forgot him, chose to let Sanji go, but was that enough? would the universe leave you alone and let you live in peace?

word count: 4.1K

warnings: cursing; spoilers (?) just mention of a character from the whole cake island arc, it’s a modern!au so I don't mention anything about the actual arc!

tags: angst; fluff; hanahaki disease; modern!au; reconciliation; second chances; unrequited turned requited; slight self-hate; happy endings

author’s note: okkkkay here it is. so many of you guys asked for it so here’s pt 2 to eternal snow! I initially wanted to post the mihawk fic first that i'm working on but I can’t finish writing it for the life of me so I decided to work on this one instead lol.

like I mentioned before, this is part 2 to this fic so obvi read that before you read this one!

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

They say people who have the surgery are doomed for life.

How could they choose to never love again; how could they deliberately go through with the surgery knowing they would never have those emotions again?

But in actuality, it was the choice of forgetting about that love. 

People don’t know the grievances and the strength it takes to choose to forget the love of your life. They don’t know the despair of being in love with someone wholeheartedly knowing they don’t love you back.

That you would never remember those emotions for whom you loved. 

You saw it as this: if you couldn’t live to love your person, you wouldn’t bear to love at all.

So in that way, you won.

You gained the power to no longer grieve for your love because you simply couldn’t remember him.

Since hanahaki disease was rare, there weren’t too many recovery patients to base knowledge on since many of the victims chose to die rather than to be saved. 

So you were honestly going in blind.

Nami would sometimes ask you if you could remember anything, a nervous look on her face, you knew she remembered your past love, but the doctor had told her to not mention anything to you in your recovery period. You think she asked out of curiosity.

Or maybe fear?

But every time you’d just tell her that you couldn’t, your head would hurt if you thought too hard and too long about who you had lost.

If you could remember specific memories, they weren't fully visualized, they were static, like when an old TV was out of range from the signal and would struggle to picture the channel.

All you could remember was his silhouette, his figure blurry and his name was always on the tip of your tongue but you could never place your finger on it. 

You remember during your first check-up, the doctor had asked you if you could describe your past love, 

“I'm not sure.” 

Your voice had been wobbly like you were on the verge of crying. Tears had pricked your eyes, along with the feeling of not being able to breathe even though those damn flowers were gone. 

Not being able to understand why?

That feeling went away a week later.

You laugh at yourself now, chiding yourself for being ridiculous back then. 

At what point could you have allowed yourself to be so deeply in love with someone that it was killing you? You could never understand. 

It was an absurd, abysmal idea that you had ever gotten to that point.

While the doctor said the following months would be difficult getting used to your new life of having one less emotion, you were fine.

It had helped that Nami had stayed by your side, and when she couldn’t Sanji would.

Sanji was an angel. 

He tended to your every need, always made sure you didn’t lift a finger even after you told him multiple times you could do it yourself. 

But he always reassured you he didn’t mind.

You were sad to hear that he stopped seeing Pudding. It was honestly too bad because she was good for him, he deserves someone who can love and care for him just as much as he cares for others.

Nevertheless, you were glad he was here for you. 

The sound of music playing softly in the background comforts you as you shuffle through your kitchen making dinner. 

You and Sanji have recently started having weekly dinners with each other, an idea he came up with.

“We can update each other about our lives, good ole fashion face-to-face interaction.” 

“I don’t think my life is going to change too much in the week we don’t see each other, Sanji”

The sound of the door ringing pulls you from your thoughts, drying your hands with a towel, you walk over to the front door.

The cool November breeze greets you as soon as you open the door, Sanji’s figure fills your view. 

The coat he’s wearing to protect himself from the wind encapsulates him in a way that makes you smile instinctively, you can see his red ears peeking from under his blond hair.

“Come in, come in, I was just finishing up dinner.”

“Oh, can I help you with anything else?” he offers while shrugging off his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack beside the front door. “Or are you not allowing me into your kitchen again?” he smirks toward you.

You roll your eyes and scoff, “It’s my turn to make dinner, you cook for a living, it's my time to shine now, dude.” He chuckles and begins to set the table for the two of you. 

The warm food fills the plate in your hand, placing it on the counter, you grab another plate. “So, how’s work?”

Sanji grabs both of the plates and brings them to the table, setting them down, he looks back at you. “Ah, the old man’s got me working late most days.”

You smile softly at the scene; since you can remember you and Sanji have been able to work in tandem. Back when Nami first introduced you, it was like a pull connecting the two of you, also guiding and leading the two of you in perfect harmony.

It was nice.

Finishing your dinner, Sanji grabs his cup, “That was delicious, thank you.” 

“Well I did have a decent teacher,” you say into the glass smiling, gulping down the liquid you set it back down and look at Sanji.

He goes to say something before he’s interrupted by a cough.

Sanji turns his head and coughs into a handkerchief he pulled from his pocket, he quickly wipes his mouth before looking back at you, “Sorry ‘bout that.”

Shaking your head in acknowledgement you begin cleaning up the dinner table. 

“Oh I forgot, I bought flowers, they’re in the living room let me grab them real quick.” Sanji stands quickly.

Turning, you watch him walk away, not catching the lone petal falling out of his pocket.

♡‧₊˚

Vinsmoke Sanji has done a lot of things.

Some of which he regrets, but others he stands by, but there was one that met both criteria.

And that was you.

He was glad he met you, that he was able to spend time being with you, loving you, and knowing that you loved him back.

But he regrets hurting you. He regrets letting himself be temporarily infatuated with Pudding. Sanji had laughed in the face of fate, and in return, he got what he deserved.

His impending end.

The petals had shown up the day you went into the hospital.

While you were given a second chance at life, Sanji had just signed his away. 

He remembers the memory of Nami telling him what had happened. He had it permanently seared into his brain, never allowing himself to forget the moment. 

Her eyes were red, face hot with anger when she pulled up to his house.

“You absolute idiot.” He hadn’t even fully opened the door before she was swearing at him, cursing him to the ends of the earth over what he had done. “You did this. You caused that pain…if I hadn't found her…,” her hands had started punching his chest. 

“She would have been gone, all because of you.”

A part of Sanji died that day. 

So when he got the same disease you had, he knew he deserved it.

Wasn’t it only right that he got the same death sentence that almost took you away?

It was slow at first, from what Nami had told him about your situation, Sanji knew this was how it started. 

The first few weeks were bearable, he could go about his daily life without causing any suspicion. No one would ask if he was okay or anything, just simply being able to cough into a tissue and discard it quickly.

Then the blossoms came.

After one terrible night of constantly coughing up blood and flower blossoms, Sanji did some research. He knew the full blooms were next along with the finishing blow of the roots. It had only been a month since you had your surgery, and yet his hanahaki was a lot more accelerated in comparison to yours.

A month since he had realized he was deathly in love with you.

But he could bear this burden. Who was he to complain about his death trickling closer than it normally should? 

Sanji remembered the moment he realized his disease would finish him more swiftly, that he was faster along than he typically should be; whether it was because the universe knew you could never love him back or it was simply his punishment for what he did.

Probably both.

Even though he knew he could easily fix the problem, he didn't have the right to get a second chance.

How could he? 

How long did you spend hiding your condition away, not even when he had broken things off, before then? How long were you hurting because you knew he was lying when he said he loved you?

The gall he would have to have to go through with the surgery? 

Absolutely not.

But deep in his heart, he also couldn’t bring himself to forget you. He’d rather be a coward and a liar than choose a life undeserving of him.

He would rather die than forget you, to never be able to love you again would be death itself.

He hated himself for what he did to you. The insolence he had to hurt someone as caring as you, why did he take advantage of that?

He himself every day.

If he had to live with constantly coughing up blood and bending over the toilet puking up flower petals just for you to live your life? Yeah, he could do that. He could live with the pain of knowing that you would never love him back.

That you could never love him back.

It quite literally was in human nature that he would never be saved unless he did the surgery, since you couldn’t even love anyone anymore.

Sanji’s hand lifts his handkerchief up to his mouth, his body heaving with a hard cough of petals.

He sighs.

♡‧₊˚

The TV light shines on both you and Sanji’s forms as the movie comes to an end, the ending credits miniaturizing as the screen recommends a shitty Christmas movie that has the both of you turning to the other.

“That was an unnecessarily long movie.” Sanji’s comment makes you laugh.

“Right? God, it was dragging on for a really long time.” Shaking his head he stands up to place the popcorn bucket on the kitchen counter. 

You follow him holding the cups that held lemonade two hours ago. “It’s getting late, I should probably go.”

“Yeah, probably, oh wait-I bought something for you, meant to give it to you when we had dinner at your place but I forgot.” Sanji’s voice trails as he goes off to his bedroom. 

You stand there for a couple of minutes before checking the time, “Yo, Sanji, did’ya get lost?” laughing to yourself, you walk over into the bedroom. Your eyes immediately meet Sanji’s form hunched over on the ground.

A gasp falls from your lips as you rush over to him. “Sanji, oh god, are you okay what’s wrong-”

You cut yourself off when you bend down to look at him, there you see a pool of blood on the hardwood floor, petals scattered around the scene with a full flower bloom sitting in his hands. 

“What?” you can’t breathe.

Sanji says your name but you don’t hear him, your brows knit together as you look up at him. “I don’t understand why are you coughing up petals?”

No? This couldn’t be happening.

Your heart breaks.

Who did Sanji love so dearly that he was cursed with the same disease that had you in its chokehold not long ago? 

You would never wish this on anyone, no one deserved to live through the hurt of having unrequited love.

“You weren’t,” he wipes his mouth, “you weren’t supposed to find out.”

“I don’t-why wouldn't you want to tell me? If anything, I’d be the only person able to understand. Sanji, who is it?” your eyes scan his face. 

Sanji’s ragged breathing fills the air between the two of you. “I can’t.”

You furrow your brows even more, shaking your head. “Please just tell me so I can help-”

“You can’t.”

“What do you mean, I can’t? You’re not making sense.”

Sanji closes his eyes. “It’s you.”

You stop breathing, the figure in your memory rushes to the forefront of your brain like a tsunami. 

In the past the figure was always blurry, never in frame in your mind, only being able to trace his silhouette, but now it was different. 

It was like he was right in front of you like you could smell him, feel his hands in yours, his warmth. Feel his lips against your lips when he-

“It was you.” your voice was quiet, “You were the one I loved.” 

His eyes snap at yours, a gasp falling from his lips.

“The person I loved so deeply… that it caused me so much pain.”

And there it was, the fog had been lifted.

“How could I have forgotten?” How ironic the entire thing was.

“Why would I ever forget about my love for you, Sanji?” you look at him, “What grief did you cause me?”

A tidal wave of emotions, affections, all poured out of your soul and into your memories. The months of coughing up petal after petal till they turned to full flower blooms. The fear that a root would pop up once you pulled your tissue from your face. 

The pain and the hurt that Sanji had caused you. 

The pain of knowing that he didn't love you anymore.

It all came rushing back.

“Why would you keep this from me?” you were getting angry, but was it for the right reason?

Hadn’t you done the same with him? Hadn’t you kept it from all the people you loved as well?

“You know why I went through with the surgery? It wasn’t Nami who made me, well not partially, but why I allowed myself to let her drive me to the hospital was because I didn't want you to suffer.” your eyes were burning, the tears threatening to fall.

“I don't understand?” Of course, he wouldn’t.

“You were obviously unhappy, Sanji. If I removed myself from the equation, it would solve everything and at…at first I thought dying was the solution I really did.” your eyes drop, “And maybe Nami finding me was a saving grace but, I originally wasn't gonna do anything.” 

“Week after week, Sanji, I was drowning. I wanted to yell at anyone who would listen and ask why I couldn't have anything, why couldn’t I be happy? That the universe had some sort of fucking vendetta against me.”

“So I decided to let you go, to choose to live a life of unknown heartache, and when I finally thought I had accomplished that. The universe just spits in my face by cursing you.”

“Don’t you see it? We don’t belong together, Sanji.” The anger was gone now, all that was left was emptiness.“We have the signs, we need to heed them and move on.”

Sanji says your name with a plea, but you ignore him. “Just get the surgery, stop hurting the both of us.” 

“It does us no good if you're dead.” And with that, you walk out of the bedroom and out the front door.

♡‧₊˚

The quiet murmurs of the newscaster talking about the weather for the week could barely be heard from the running water you were using to wash the dishes. 

You haven't seen Sanji in a couple of weeks, not since he announced that you were the one whom he was in love with. 

And definitely not since you remembered he was the one whom you had loved before.

And while at first, you were angry. Angry at him for lying and keeping such vital information from you.

It later turned to guilt. 

Guilt for getting angry at him. Guilt for causing him pain.

But it wasn’t your fault, it’s not like you chose not to love him, you physically couldn’t anymore. You signed that ability off months ago.

But you also missed him. Since you weren’t talking to him, you weren’t having your weekly dinners or your impromptu movie nights anymore.

You missed just talking to him. You missed the lame jokes he’d tell in hopes of hearing your laugh, that smile he’d get whenever he spoke about a new recipe.

You missed him.

But you were also confused.

After he had revealed that he loved you and you had remembered that your past love was him, it became too much for you to handle.

Glancing at the moon, you dry your hands on a towel and walk into the living room. The weatherman was currently informing you of a chance of rain tomorrow during the already cold late January weather.

Sighing you go to sit down before something catches your eyes. A picture frame that hangs on your wall glints as you walk toward it.

It was a photo of you and Sanji looking at the camera with wide smiles on display from Sanji’s birthday two years prior. On top of your heads sat a birthday hat colored blue for the sea theme your friends had thrown together as a joke for the blonde that year.

You remember how you felt that day, the anxiety of wanting to get Sanji the perfect gift and when he finally opened it, he had hugged you which had you blushing like crazy while you swatted his “thank yous” away.

God, where did this deja vu come from?

It was weird, you weren't sure what it was.

It felt like your entire being was full. Full of intense and overwhelming emotions, an emotion you shouldn't feel. An emotion that was eradicated from your life when you stepped out of that hospital.

But here it was, rearing its big ugly face once again.

For Sanji.

You stumble back as if you had been shocked with electricity. 

Looking around your apartment you close your eyes.

How could this happen? Why were you still being punished again?

You had endured the pain, chose to get rid of it and now you’ve been having to live with knowing that Sanji also was experiencing the exact same pain.

Sanji.

How could you have been so cold? Telling him to do the surgery? What was wrong with you?

You missed him. You missed your love for him. The feelings you’d get when he’d look your way. Sanji was your ambrosia and you needed him to survive.

But you didn’t miss how you felt when he chose another over you. Those feelings you wished you hadn’t remembered.

You weren't sure how you were still able to feel Sanji's love. But here you were.

An anomaly that you were. 

Guess that shows how deep your love truly was rooted.

How could you have allowed yourself to forget?

The drive to Sanji’s apartment was quiet, opting to not play music or turn the radio on so that you could think clearly with your new (re) developed emotions.

Pulling up to the driveway, you step out of your car. The jacket you have on trapping your heat from the cold winds of the night. 

The few steps to the front door felt like a lifetime. The moonlight provided a little comfort to your restless self.

Exhaling, you bring your hand to knock at the door, a small part of you hoping Sanji wasn’t home so you could go home and pretend like nothing happened.

The door swings open revealing Sanji. His eyes were wide like he couldn’t believe you were standing in front of him.

“Hey…can I come in?” you look up at him expectantly.

“Yeah, yeah come in.” Sending him a quick smile you walk past him and into the living room. 

He shuts the door and faces you, you turn and finally get a good look at him in the light. 

He looked worse for wear, his eyes had bags under them, a sign he hadn’t been sleeping if at all. Whether that was because of your argument or his condition, you didn't know. One hand was in his pocket and the other was fiddling with his handkerchief. 

“How are you…” signaling your hand at him, “I mean physically, how are you? What stage?”

He looks away, “well…I’m still living,” he chuckles quietly.

You sigh. 

God the two of you were truly messed up.

“It all came back.” 

“What?” he questions.

Your eyes begin to glaze over, “My memories, everything.” you wet your lips, “All of it, Sanji.”

“It just-all came back…on top of our argument, of you telling me you loved me.” Tears fell down your cheeks. “Of how I felt when you were-when you were with Pudding.”

He says your name.

“And I hated it, I hated remembering how I felt, Sanji. I remember pitying myself, wondering what I had done wrong, why you hadn’t loved me anymore,” he says your name again, “but I also remembered how I felt loving you.” you look up at him with your tear-streaked face.

“And I will never regret loving you, not then, definitely not now. I also don’t regret forgetting, because I understand why I did it. I loved you enough to be able to let you go. To be able to know you’ll live your life happily, whether that’s with me or someone else. I didn’t care. Just that you were happy.” 

“But I wasn’t-”

You cut him off, “I knew you didn't love me how I loved you, but I still knew you cared. So if I had died, even from death, I would have hated myself for hurting you. So I chose to forget.” you wipe your cheek, “I just wish you had never gotten that godforsaken thing as well.”

“Sanji I…I love you wholeheartedly. You encompass my entire existence. I live for you. Even now, when I didn't remember how I felt for you. It was there. My love for you was still inside. And it always will be. I think even if you hadn’t told me you loved me now, I would have remembered anyway. Simply because that’s who I am, I am my love for you, you consume my entire soul.” You probably looked like a mess.

“You look beautiful.” Did you say that out loud?

You smile softly, “So when you admitted that you loved me, that I was inadvertently hurting you, I couldn’t take it. I had been the monster I sought to eliminate. So I pushed you away.” you sigh, “I pushed you away because I didn't want to go through the same pain again. I was selfish if you had just done the surgery, I'd be able to forget about this again and you wouldn't even remember.” you walk toward Sanji. “I’ve learned that I can’t run away from you anymore. And I’ve realized that I don’t want to lose you again.” 

“So let me save you.”

Sanji’s face was red, his eyes were blurry with tears, his fist clenching his handkerchief filled with petals and blooms.

“I’m so sorry.” Sanji’s voice trembles, “I am so sorry, I caused you so much pain, if I could take it back I would. And I don’t even deserve you, I’m not worthy of your love, but if you allow me, let me make it up.” 

You close the gap between the two of you and pull his lips toward your own. They’re slightly chapped and both of your guy’s faces are wet but you don’t care. You feel his fingers carding through your hair, pulling you deeper. 

This kiss was different from any others before, this one was filled with desire and want but it was also filled with joy and love.

You were finally happy.

You pull away first, breathing heavily and your face flushed, “You already are.” 

“I love you so much, please never forget.” you wipe a stray tear, cradling his face. 

You want to commit this memory in your brain. No more forgetting, no more letting go. To make sure that for the night, no cough was to be heard, no petal was to be hidden, 

just two lovers finally with one another, forever.

[astraariel]

your lemon meringue pie sanji fic had me CRYING omg 😭😭😭 i loved reading it sm, i look forward to more angst fics from u!! ❤️❤️

thank you so much!! i will most def probably come out with more angsty works bc I like to make myself suffer :)

──★ ˙🍓 ̟ !!

[astraariel]

i just read ur sanji fic abt the one where u have hanahaki and then HE gets hanahaki like its so good oh my goodness legit crying over ur work im gonna start throwing up jesus christ its so good bro im full on sobbinff rn its so hard to type help me

i feel like im dyinf inside rn why do u hate me :c rahhh it was so sad ueghhhr rjd ue ue ue ue ue ue ue (sounds of crying)

oooh noo anon dont cry!!!

y'all I'm so sorry TT I just like to write sad things lol

also, guys thank you SO much for the love on eternal snow!!! I know a lot of y'all really want a pt2 and while I originally wrote it as a oneshot, I may possibly work on a pt2 now....? maybe...

──★ ˙🍓 ̟ !!

[astraariel]

eternal snow

pairing: sanji x fem!reader

summary: your love for sanji was unconditional, unfortunately, he didn’t feel the same seeing as there were petals coming out of your mouth.

word count: 3.6K

warnings: spoilers (?) just the name of a character from the whole cake island arc, it’s a modern!au so I don't mention anything about the actual arc!

tags: loosely based on “eternal snow” from fullmoon wo sagashite; angst; hanahaki disease; implied cheating; modern!au; hurt no comfort; lovesick; requited unrequited love

author's note: I think along with everyone opla is taking over my life so it encouraged me to finish this fic I started months ago lol. once again I like angst and this is soooo ooc of sanji he would never cheat I love him so much I’m sorry. on another note, I really like AmaLee’s cover of this song so you can give it a listen if you want to feel the vibe. 

also, ignore the fact that Pudding is sixteen, she’s older than that in this. I couldn’t really think of anyone else to have/didn't want to think of a different character. just know, she’s of age. other than that, ignore grammar mistakes and enjoy♡

──★ ˙ ̟read pt2 here!

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You weren’t entirely sure how you had gotten to this point. You were certain that you two would be together forever. How you had unknowingly lost the one you love so dearly, you would never know.

Sanji was a flirt and you loved it, he could simply say that you looked beautiful today and you’d melt. Hell, that’s how you too met, Nami had introduced you two and Sanji wooed his way into your heart. You knew that he had you in the palm of his hand, but you weren’t sure you could say the same for him.

Sanji was an attentive lover. When he loved, he showered you with his attention. You could always tell that his presence was there whenever you spoke. He’d care and cater to every request you asked of him, not allowing you to lift a single finger. It’s who he was.

You were blinded by your love for Sanji that you never noticed him slipping away from your grasp.

The two of you were currently sitting together on your living room couch. Sanji mentioned there was a new show he wanted to watch, so here the two of you were. Your attention was focused on the TV in front of you while his was on his phone.

You glance at him, “Who’s that?” 

He hadn’t looked away from it for more than 30 seconds throughout the last episode. You watch him out of the corner of your eye as he looks at you. 

“Oh, it's the new dessert chef at the restaurant,” he shuts his phone off, “I've been assigned to help her around and show her the ropes,” he smiles, “It’s nothing, you want popcorn?” 

You turn to him, “Of course I do.” He gets up to walk to your kitchen, “Hey, I love you.”

He walks up behind you and bends down, kissing your head, “And I love you more.” He stands up and you hear him rummaging through the pantry for a popcorn packet. 

You cough slightly, “Could you grab me some water, Sanji?” He shouts back a response but you don’t make it out because you’re too busy pulling a petal out of your mouth.

♡‧₊˚

After that lone petal had made its introduction, it planted itself as a constant. Every so often for the following weeks, you’d feel something weird in your mouth, only to pull out a single flower petal.

You weren’t sure what was going on, but you couldn’t bring yourself to think too much about it. On top of the weird cough you were having, Sanji was also acting off. 

It was small at first, just tiny, little white lies that he’d tell you. 

Like when he’d say he was tired, that he was going to bed, but you could hear him on his phone laughing at something from the room. Or when he claimed that his phone had died and that’s why he hadn’t texted you back even though you were hanging with Nami at the time and he had replied to a video she had sent him a minute after you texted him. 

That was just the first few weeks.

You weren’t sure when the white lies became real lies but it had only spiraled more. You had found that he wasn’t even bothering with lying anymore, simply stating that he was too busy to come over or that he didn’t even want to hang out with you that day.

Sanji would claim to be too tired and not bother to see you for an entire week, but then he’d call you complaining that he missed you and question why the two of you hadn’t gone on a date recently and then insist that he was going to cook dinner for the two of you. Those times were always the best. It made you feel like nothing was wrong. 

It was pure whiplash. 

You were never sure which Sanji you were gonna get that day. Maybe it’d be the Sanji that you loved or this new person who had taken over and wouldn’t even text you back for days on end. 

Recently, he was your loving, doting boyfriend. Which caused you to completely forget about the flower petals you were currently collecting from your mouth when you were being distracted by Sanji’s full attention. 

You were lying on Sanji’s chest recounting your day to him when suddenly the sound of his phone pinging cut you off. 

A quiet chuckle made you peek up at Sanji, his eyes were looking at his phone intently, whatever was on his screen, clearly captivated him more than what was coming out of your mouth.

You sit up, his blatant disinterest in your day annoying you. 

“Did I do something wrong?” Your voice cuts through the room.

He looked up at your now sitting form, it looked like he was just acknowledging your presence.

He lets out a noise of confusion, “What?”

“Are you angry at me? Did I say or do something that pissed you off? Because, please, just tell me, I can't take it anymore.” you pleaded.

You notice Sanji’s body tensing, his brow scrunching in even more confusion. He laughs awkwardly, “Baby, what are you talking about? I’m not angry.” he looks away, “I love you, you know that right?”

And suddenly, you weren’t angry anymore. 

You smiled, “I love you too.”

He glances at his phone again.

But you don’t care, because he loves you. 

Satisfied with his response, you settle back down but are interrupted when you begin to cough. Quickly, you stand up to fetch your handkerchief from your pocket, wiping your mouth swiftly. 

You look back at Sanji, “I’m gonna-” but before you can finish, you feel the familiar flowers clawing their way up your throat. You walk out of the room coughing. 

Sanji doesn’t look up from his phone.

♡‧₊˚

He was late.

Again. 

You were exhausted. The constant lies that you fooled yourself into believing for the sake of your heart were beginning to wear on you. 

The old hoodie you were wearing enveloped you in an attempt to provide yourself some level of comfort that no one could really give you anymore. 

It’s late, around midnight, last you checked. The spaghetti dinner left on the table you had cooked had long gone cold. The Baratie had closed hours ago and Sanji still wasn’t home. 

You sit in complete darkness, the TV is currently rattling off an old rerun of some show you didn’t watch. You’re too tired to get up and find the remote to change the channel so you settle on watching the old comedic sitcom. You’re holding your trusty handkerchief that’s become your best friend in the past months; ready to close around your mouth in an attempt to catch the petals of flowers that’d come up your throat every so often. 

Your eyes glaze over the screen when you hear the door creak open. Footsteps were heard as a soft clatter sounded throughout the room from Sanji setting his keys down on the counter. 

You sit up slowly, in an effort to prohibit any intense coughing. 

Your eyes meet Sanji’s surprised ones, “You’re still awake? It’s late, you should go to bed.” he looks away. 

“You missed dinner.” You look over at Sanji’s form, he’s stiff, you note.

“I stayed late to help close, sorry we can reschedule.” He brushes you off swiftly.

“Was she there?” The argument had already begun, why not fuel it some more?

Sanji whips his head at you, an incredulous look gracing his features. “Who are you talking about?” Acting dumb was never a good look on him. 

Your tired eyes stare at him, “I know you’re spending time with her.” The venom in your tone was palpable.

You were over the lies. You were over the constant tiptoeing between each other, you’re honestly surprised he still even decided to come over. It would have been better for him to stay at his place and just call you in the morning to tell his lie. 

He has balls, you’ll give him that.

“Do you even love me anymore?”  

The silence that surrounded the room was upsetting. Of course, he didn’t, who were you fooling? You had all the proof you needed in all of the trashcans around your house, discarded tissues soaked in blood, and petals filled the bins.

Sanji scoffs, “I don’t know what you want from me.” He doesn't answer the question, “Why are you asking if I love you, you're being needy.” He stares at you before continuing, “If you don’t trust me,” he looks away, “Then maybe we should break up.” With a tone of finality, he turns around and walks toward the door, the sound of it shutting echoing throughout the house.

You’re left alone in the silence, the ticking of the clock on the wall muffling your coughs that were accompanied by flowers and blood. 

♡‧₊˚

With the new development of the blooms coming out of your throat, you felt defeated. You’re not sure what you did in a past life to deserve this. You didn’t wish this on anyone, it was a lonely and awful feeling, physically and emotionally. 

You’ve gotten used to your condition. It had been a month since you’d seen Sanji after he had broken things off and in that month, you would constantly find yourself leaning over the toilet bowl, hacking up blood and flower blooms. 

You finally had the courage to look up what you assumed was hanahaki disease. It was a rare condition, but you were certain that was what was causing you pain. The only cure was to have surgery that resulted in the patient forgetting about whomever they had loved. That you’d act as if nothing had happened, that you’d live in ignorance bliss afterward. 

Sacrificing your heart for your life. 

After that month, you had decided to go to a coffee shop forcing yourself to get out of the house and do something. 

So you went to Sanji’s favorite coffee shop. 

Why you had put yourself through that? You weren't sure.

You remember wrapping your hand around the door handle, ready to walk in when a wisp of light auburn hair had caught your attention inside the cafe. 

There she was. Pudding. The girl who had replaced you. The one who had captivated Sanji’s attention in a way you could only dream of.

Sanji stood beside her, you were certain he couldn't see you from inside, his attention was fully on Pudding’s face, absorbing whatever story she had been telling him. 

He had never looked at you like that.

Did he ever love you? Were you that stupid to even see the truth? Had it been there all along and you were simply too blind to notice?

An “excuse me” had brought you back to reality and had you rushing back to your apartment in hopes of not bumping into Sanji or Pudding. You weren't sure your heart could take it if you were forced to talk to them.

After that defeat you noticed that you were no longer hacking up petals, but fully blossomed flowers, you couldn’t walk for a long distance without wheezing, the flowers constricting your airways preventing you from wanting to do anything. You knew you were nearing the final stage, soon roots were going to begin to show up, but you couldn’t bring yourself to go to a doctor. You had read that the longer you kept this from being treated, you’d enter the point of no return. 

So, you simply waited.

Your mind was reeling. You never wanted to stop loving Sanji. You didn’t care about the pain that it brought you. 

You don’t care that you still long to have Sanji tell you that he loves you. To tell you and for you not to immediately have to turn away and cough up blood and flowers. 

You missed him. You yearned for him.

After Nami had found out why you and Sanji broke up, she went on a rant about how she was going to kill him, on how he could have done this to you. You weren't sure if you had ever seen her get so angry before. 

But even after that, you confessed that you still loved him. 

She proceeded to call you insane, but she simply didn’t understand. She didn’t know about how his eyes would sparkle when he would go on about a new recipe that he developed and how he was certain that it was going to be the new hit at the Baratie. She didn’t know how bashful he got when you complimented him on his food. How he’d kiss you like how it was the first time you were kissing each other.

You loved him. And you would forever love him.

But he haunted your life. Leaving you lying at night, not even allowing you to find comfort in your dreams since he haunted those too. When you’d close your eyes you could only mourn for the love that once was. To mourn for him even though he was alive and well, but could you say the same for yourself?

You had long accepted that you were going to die. If anything, you willed it. Never did you want to forget your love for Sanji. The idea that you would never be able to recall how he made your heart pound every time he’d look at you, would be a nightmare.

But you were tired. 

In the months after the cafe incident you would go through phases where the pain would turn to anger, cursing Sanji, wishing you two had never met, wishing that Nami had never introduced you too. 

But the anger would never stay directed towards Sanji. It would always circle back to you. And anger would turn to pity and pity would turn to sadness. 

You wanted to cry and scream at the sky, to yell at the world, to question why love felt this way. Why couldn't he just love you back, why were you being punished for simply loving him unconditionally?

You suffocate yourself in the love that you have for Sanji. Sacrificing your every breath to simply feel the true and fierce love you felt for him. You’d cry until you were gasping for air, til you were choking up flowers that were clogging your lungs. You wished, begged, for it to go away. Wishing that you had never fallen for him. 

But even with all the pain he caused you. You could never hate him.

You could never hate Sanji.

You can’t even bring yourself to hate Pudding, it wasn't her fault that Sanji was infatuated with her rather than you.

And you could never truly hate him for that.

The sterile white walls and the smell of disinfectant wafting through the air brought you back to reality. 

Recalling how hours before Nami had found you on the ground of your bathroom, post-hacking your brains out from the various blooms of flowers that rose from your throat at what seemed like at every hour of the day as of recently. You hadn’t heard her call for you when she entered your apartment so you weren’t able to hide anything from her. 

“Are you insane?” Her voice ricocheted in the bathroom after you had explained to her what had been happening to you for the last couple of months.

You were numb the entire car ride to the hospital as Nami yelled at you for being so careless. 

“Why are you letting that boy kill you?” 

Why were you? 

Why were you putting yourself through this pain, knowing he would never love you again?

The recent memory reminded you of Nami’s presence on the side chair that was placed beside the crunchy bed you were currently sitting on. Her brown eyes met yours and smiled softly at you. 

“You’re gonna be okay.” Nami’s attempt at reassurance was comforting to you for 5 seconds before the door swung open revealing the doctor. 

“Hello,” she said your name, “you’re the one with hanahaki disease, correct?” You glance over at Nami before replying to the doctor in confirmation. “Well, unfortunately, it has been developing for a while and if you had come just a little bit later it would have been untreatable, so I highly suggest proceeding with the procedure as soon as possible.”

Your hands grew clammy. This was it. You were going to be relieved from this grueling life you had found yourself in. You would finally be able to go back to normal. 

Normal. 

Would it truly be normal if you didn’t love Sanji anymore? Could you truly live with yourself knowing that you gave up the one thing that has been keeping you going? You guess you wouldn’t actually remember your love for him if you did the surgery but your heart would know. Your soul would know. 

You wished that all of this pain would go away. Longing to run back to Sanji, for him to stop the anguish that you felt. To have him whisper that he loved you and for you to not cough up flowers anymore. To know that he truly meant the words that he was saying.

You wondered how your life would have gone if you had never fallen for Sanji. Would your life still lead you to this very moment of hell that you’re living currently? You would think that hell would be hot, blazing with heat, but all you felt was the coldness of lies that you believed that spewed from Sanji’s lips when he spoke to you. 

You would like to think that you wished you had never fallen into this trap. That your heart never fell for him, but you knew better. You knew that he had your heart from the beginning. You were doomed from the first interaction.

Wasn’t it a true act of love if you could let the person go? Wouldn’t it be the final seal of approval of your love if you went through with the surgery? The love that you felt for Sanji would be proven by this simple act. 

You felt Nami’s hand grab yours. Her eyes were filled with remorse, a sadness that you could distinguish as the same sadness that you saw in your eyes ever since that first petal came to be.

Anticipatory grief.

She was grieving your love for him already, grieving for your heart, how you would never love again, how you would never love him again.

You sigh. 

♡‧₊˚

You wake up to the soft murmurs of the television in the corner of the room. 

Your mind was hazy, from what, you weren't entirely sure yet. It felt as if you had lost something like it was on the tip of your tongue, but you just couldn’t think of exactly what it was.

Guess it wasn’t important.

Your eyes wander over to your surroundings, the hospital room is bare except for the basic, usual furniture. Your eye caught movement out of the corner of your eye, turning your face to examine what it was.

A balloon with the words “Get well soon!” fills your vision, and your gaze scans over the hearts that surround the bubble letters in bright yellow hues. You reach over the side table to grab the card that sat under the balloon. 

Hope you feel better - Nami.

Sad that you had missed your friend, you made a mental note to pay her a visit after you were discharged from the hospital to thank her.

A soft knock echoed throughout the room, your attention to the door opening revealing the doctor. “Hi, glad you’re awake. The procedure was a success. You should be good to go soon, but take it easy for the next two weeks.”

The procedure.

You quickly scour your brain for answers of who it was you loved but came up short. 

Guess that was the point, wasn’t it? 

Before you could thank the doctor, rushed footsteps were heard outside the room, hasty knocks piercing the air along with the clamor of the door opening quickly. 

Sanji’s blond hair comes into view, and he stands, wide-eyed, near the doorframe. He was panting slightly, a sign that he possibly had been running before he got here. 

He says your name quietly, the doctor gives you a nod before excusing herself from the room to give you guys privacy. 

“Sanji,” you smile brightly at him, “Did you get off of work? Why are you here?”

His eyes shift over to the balloon on the stand beside the bed. “Nami told me about the…procedure.”

“Really?” you roll your eyes teasingly, “It’s not that big of a deal honestly, that Nami. Always the worrier, thank you for visiting me though, you’re a good friend, Sanji.” You look away before you can notice Sanji’s face falling. 

You look back at him, “Oh, could you take me home? I probably shouldn’t be driving right now.” you laugh quietly and scan Sanji’s face. His mind seemed to be somewhere else, perhaps he was really busy at the restaurant. “If you can, if not I’ll just call Nami.” 

“No,” he clears his throat, “Yeah I can take you home.” 

You offer him a smile, “Thanks, hey I think I may have to fill out some paperwork. Could you grab it while I go change?” You begin to stand up slowly before he rushes over to help you up.

You look up at him to thank him again when you realize his eyes are watering. 

Weird. 

Your eyebrows knit in worry, “Hey, are you okay?”

He blinks rapidly while looking away from you. His hand lets go from his grasp on your arm and runs it through his blonde hair while turning away from you. “Yeah, I’m fine.” he coughs, “Uh, I’m gonna go look for those papers.”

He walks out of the room before you can respond, leaving you slightly confused but you shake it off before you begin to look for your clothes. 

You don’t see Sanji standing outside the doorway, coughing up a flower petal. 

[astraariel]

you belong with me

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: you're in love with Eddie, but he has eyes for Chrissy.

word count: 7.1K

warnings: none!

tags: based on "you belong with me" by taylor swift; no upside down!au; childhood friends to lovers; pining; not actually unrequited love; slight angst; fluff; chrissy's a sweetheart

author's note: for some reason my hyperfixation for eddie resurfaced so lol yeah this is what this is. excuse the grammar mistakes, enjoy ♡

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The trailer park was quiet except for the murmurs and soft noises that the residents made whilst partaking in their nighttime routines. 

The soft ambiance provided comforting background noise as you made your way over to Eddie’s trailer, you were excited to see what movie he had picked from the Family Video tonight.

Eddie and you had made it a tradition to go over to each other’s houses and watch a shitty horror movie while eating pizza to critique said shitty movie. 

This week it was Eddie’s turn to host.

You first met Eddie when you were eight. You had gotten home from school for the day, your mom inside fixing up dinner whilst you played with your jump rope outside. You remember the sun burning down on you but that didn’t deter you from continuing your time for outside playtime.  You had been on your twentieth jump with your pink jump rope when a truck pulled up to the trailer beside yours. Your curious eight-year-old self’s attention diverted to the mysterious boy hopping out of the pickup truck. His denim overalls were loose on him, a strap was unbuttoned showcasing his white ribbed shirt underneath. His gaze met yours, and before you could look away, he offered you a crooked smile, wanna see a trick? You quickly nodded and watched him dash over toward you, his hand had retreated into his pocket and pulled out a deck of cards.

Later at dinner, your mom mentioned how the new boy, Eddie, had moved in with his uncle and was going to be your new neighbor. “He’s a little older, but why don’t you play with him after school, honey?”

Funny to think years later that some silly card trick is what caused you two to be inseparable. 

The door swings open before you even make it up the short steps. “You know I've told you multiple times you can just walk in, right? I never lock the door.” 

Your eyes skim over Eddie’s bare arm that was extended, your eyes glance over his recent addition of tattoos that peeked from his sleeves. “Yeah, and I've told you multiple times that that is a safety problem.” You waved a finger in front of Eddie as he swatted it away with a scoff.

The familiar home of Eddie and Wayne’s trailer met your eyes as you slipped your shoes off; Wayne’s copious mugs displayed on the walls always grabbed your attention when you walked into the trailer. They offered a sense of home that you loved so much.

Eddie had gone to his room to fetch the VHS of his movie pick while you busied yourself with grabbing the pizza menu and walking over to the phone to place the order. 

“What do you want, just pepperoni? Or do you want something else - and don't you dare say pineapple.” You call over to him while leaning on the table holding the phone in your hand.

Eddie’s curly hair appears in the hall as he makes his way toward you, exaggeratedly sighing “Fine, just pepperoni.”

He saunters off to the TV before shouting back, requesting garlic bread while fiddling with the VHS. 

You quickly order the food and walk over to the couch where Eddie was sitting waiting for you so he could play the movie. 

“What monstrosity have you picked for us today, Munson?”

♡‧₊˚

The sound of students chattering with each other filled your ears as you were rummaging through your locker.

Your usual attendance of watching the guys play during their band practice was missed Saturday due to your mom requiring you to run errands all weekend so you haven't seen Eddie since Friday. 

Meaning you left Eddie to his own devices for far too long and you're about to unknowingly pay the price.

“Jesus Christ!”

Speak of the devil.

The sound of your locker closing was muffled by the loud shriek that came out of your mouth.

“Eddie, how many times have I told you not to scare me like that?” You sputter out quickly whilst holding a hand up to your chest.

Eddie offers you a sheepish smile, “Sorry, princess, I was just too excited to see you.”

Your heart flutters slightly at the statement. 

The whole “falling for your best friend trope” was a dumb cliche. In the early years of your friendship with Eddie, your mom would make offhand comments about how “oh you two are so cute together” and “you are both so going to fall in love with each other, just watch.” Your kid self always scrunched your nose in disgust and had you turning your head in the opposite direction. But you weren’t sure when the look of disgust turned into you turning your face to hide the blush that was settling on your cheeks. 

And yeah so what if you knew that Eddie Munson drank his coffee with an insane amount of creamer and sugar and how he would never admit it, but that he had a soft spot for ABBA. How he gets this one specific look on his face whenever he’s telling you about the new campaign he’s currently working on; how his eyes glow with excitement just reciting all the things he’s planning on introducing and adding for the guys. That he smiles so wide you can’t help to notice the dimples he has and how they just fit his face. How you want to just kiss him all over and just constantly wish to see him happy and smiling. 

Yeah, you’re totally in love with your best friend.

“So… I was thinking over the weekend.” 

“Oh, that’s never good.”

He ignores your comment by rolling his eyes playfully. “I was thinking that I have been in this hell hole for far too long. And I haven’t done anything memorable.” 

You send a confused look at Eddie, “What about how you have weekly lectures on the lunch tables in the cafeteria, or how you helped raise the drama club funding due to badgering Principal Higgins constantly for a month.” Beckoning for him to explain, you begin to walk to class.

He rolls his eyes again, “Okay, Miss Know-It-All, I meant more…you know.”

“No I don’t know, Eddie.”

He hesitates slightly before continuing “Well, I was talking to the guys and well they think I’m insane but you won't, right?” His wide eyes look over at you expectantly. 

“I guess that depends on what you’re about to say.” you tease.

He was nervous, you noted. He wouldn't meet your eyes as he begins to fidget under your stare. 

He scratches his head before saying, “I'm gonna ask Chrissy to prom.”

You stop walking, your head spinning to Eddie’s. Your eyes were wide open, which were shifting between his own in disbelief. People walked around you but not without complaining and calling out “Watch out” but you couldn't care less about what was happening around you. Your mind was reeling; it was attempting to decipher whether or not he was telling a joke or not. 

He wasn’t.

Fixing your composure you look forward and keep walking. “Isn’t prom in two weeks, that’s kinda a short notice.” You attempt to keep your voice as neutral as possible. 

You had known about Eddie’s crush on Chrissy Cunningham since middle school. It had been during the talent show, Eddie had come after you to gush about how she had looked so pretty waving her pom poms in the air that night. Chrissy had done some cheer routine which had gotten her the most applause putting everyone else's show to shame. Regrettably for you, you were the follow-up after her spectacle. You can’t say your flute solo, which you had worked hard on the week leading up to the talent show, was a show-stopper after that. 

You didn’t hate Chrissy, you never did and probably never would. She, unfortunately, is the nicest person you’ve ever met, she always talks to you when you have classes together, and how she actually complimented you on your flute solo after you had gotten off the stage even though you had messed up the first measure of the song.

You just couldn’t help but compare yourself to her. You wanted to hate her. You assumed it would be easier to hate her, but that wasn’t the case. You simply hated the fact that you weren’t her. You were the complete antithesis of her; it was honestly ridiculous. While she was the head cheerleader, you were in the stands wearing a stupidly hot outfit and a dumb hat while also playing the flute. You weren’t at rock bottom of the social hierarchy but you still weren't high, you were in the band for Christ’s sake. 

You couldn’t fault Eddie for falling for miss pride of Hawkins High, the star-studded cheerleader that was Chrissy Cunningham.

“Well, I heard from the cheerleaders that she rejected Jason Carver already so she’s free and totally doesn't have a date so I figured… well that I would ask her,” Eddie whispers the last part before stopping at your first-period classroom door. “What do you think?”

You shift your gaze to the quickly depleting students in the hall before looking back at your best friend. “You should totally do it.” you say while avoiding his eyes, “I’ll see you at lunch, kay?” 

You walk into your class before he can say anything back, choosing to drown your sorrows in algebra instead. 

♡‧₊˚

Prom had always been a bit of a dream for you. You had fallen for that American high school cliche, ever since you were ten. 

You were driving around with your mom when you passed by Enzo’s and had seen so many people dressed up standing outside waiting in line to get in. Your mom explained to you that it was the senior prom that weekend; since then you had looked forward to the moment in your senior year where you would get to wear your new expensive dress you had bought solely for the event. 

After you had gotten home that day, you had rambled to Eddie for the rest of the evening while he pushed you on the swingset at the trailer park. He had just shrugged you off and stayed quiet. You paid him no mind and ignored him by beaming at his face with a toothless grin, 

“You’ll go with me to prom right, Eds?”

“Only if you let me swing now.”

“Deal.”

You’d like to say you haven't been in love with Eddie till recently but you’d be lying to yourself. 

In your recent years of high school, you found yourself daydreaming about attending prom with your best friend, you always played it off as of course, you’d attend this huge event in your life with Eddie, he was your best friend. If you ignored how much he hated conformist bullshit things such as prom. And each time he got held back, the closer and closer you got to both of you being in the same senior class, your hope grew. 

Of course, those were always cut short whenever you had caught Eddie looking at Chrissy at lunch or he’d rant to you about how she wrote the most beautifully, detailed short story in English that day and how she would make such a great DM. Or how at the basketball game last week when halftime was over and the band was given a break you had gotten water and had spotted Eddie in the crowd; even though he has sworn up and down (and publicly) that basketball was dumb. You had just shrugged it off as him supporting Lucas, but you knew deep down it was because of Chrissy.

But you refused to acknowledge otherwise. 

You should honestly be happy that he’s going to prom now, granted he wouldn’t be going with you. Nor would he take pictures with you. You both wouldn’t awkwardly be posing in your living room together at your trailer as your mom took a million photos along with Wayne taking the day off to see his boy all dressed up for the prom. Or how your fingers wouldn’t tremble while attempting to pin his corsage on his tux hoping you didn’t poke him. Nor would a single shy smile be transpired between the two of you as you walked into the school gym-turned-prom venue.

Nope, he’d be doing that with Chrissy Cunningham. 

You took painstakingly slow steps as you currently walked to your last class of the day. You weren't looking forward to seeing Eddie again. Opting for skipping lunch to wallow in your self-pity in the library instead. 

Therefore, you hadn't seen Eddie since morning when he stabbed you in the heart unknowingly with his newfound decision, and honestly, it was probably for the best. It’s not like you were going to ask him to prom anytime soon anyways.

The sound of your footsteps stopping in front of the classroom reached your ears. “Just play it cool,” you mutter to no one. You took a deep breath and walked into the classroom, immediately heading toward your seat in the back corner.

Eddie was already in the seat beside yours, his wide doe eyes met yours when he hears your steps and flashes you a smile, “Sup, where were you during lunch, Gareth’s mom made these killer cookies today.”

You look over at him, “Oh I went to the library,  I had to catch up on some homework,” you lie.

He didn't say anything back just simply letting out a noise signaling he heard your excuse while nodding.

“Well anyways, about earlier.” he raises his eyebrows, “I’m gonna do it today.” He whispers so that people couldn’t listen in.

“...are you?” your tone was neutral.

He shifts his eyes away from yours. “I need to do it now while I have the confidence because if not, I'm gonna psych myself out,” he nods to himself, “Yeah I'm gonna wait for her after her practice is over.”

You study his side profile. His brown eyes were looking at the ceiling in concentration. His Adam's apple bobbed slightly, you find your eyes tracing along his jawline. His hair was a little messy, signaling that he had been running his fingers through it all day. 

Willing yourself to say something, “She’ll say yes, Eddie, and if she doesn’t it’s her loss.” You swallow slightly and offer him a small smile. 

His hopeful eyes look at you.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

♡‧₊˚

“This is officially the worst day ever.” You groan as you walk into the Family Video. 

Steve looks over at Robin from where he was reshelving tapes.

“Uh oh, what happened?” Robin asks reluctantly 

“Everything, Robin, everything that could’ve ever gone wrong, has gone wrong.”

After the whole Chrissy-prom-Eddie fiasco yesterday, you had declared the rest of the day a time for self-pitying. All you wanted to do was lie in bed with the covers drawn and completely shut out from the world so that you could comfort yourself in the sad exile you had made. 

That was until Eddie called. 

Since your blinds were drawn, you hadn’t noticed Eddie coming home earlier. Hence why when the phone rang you almost jumped out of your skin.

Debating whether or not to pick up, you looked at your window longingly knowing who it was on the other side. You ultimately decided to stand up and answer because if you didn't you knew he would just come over instead. And you didn’t exactly what to face Eddie right now, memories rushing to your mind reminded you of how much they were like a slap in the face.

“She said yes.” 

He didn’t even wait for you to say hello before revealing his triumph win. 

You zoned out after that, not processing the dial zone indicating that he hung up already. You could only recall a little after you walked back to your room that he was going to hang out with the guys because he had promised they’d celebrate the news if she said yes. 

The morning had come and gone with you forcing yourself to get out of bed so that you could make it to school today. Eddie met your morning daze with his usual smile when you hopped into his van, you returned it with a small smile but stayed silent. You’d just use the excuse of having stayed up late last night due to catching up on some non-existent homework. Eddie on the other hand took this as permission to gush about how he was finally stoked about something concerning school for once and that he’d be able to share the experience with the girl he had been pining after for years. You simply offer him quiet hums to signify that you were listening. 

School was no different, having forced yourself on autopilot, just mindlessly walking to and from class. You attended lunch today, not wanting to rile suspicion and worry with the group, and chose to suck it up and sit through Eddie rambling about how Chrissy had smelled like strawberries and vanilla while he had asked her the million-dollar question. 

How she, quote, “had the most radiant smile shining up at him the entire time he talked to her.”

You also chose to ignore the smiles and slight waves she offered him when she made eye contact with him during lunch as well.

Yeah, you weren’t having a good day at all.

Your eyes scanned the store, relief settling once you noticed that it was empty except for your two friends seeing as you didn't bother to note if anyone was there before you blurted out about the nightmare that was your life currently.

Thank god it was a Tuesday afternoon and no one was there to witness your sad-sad life.

Steve was now standing beside Robin having moved during your entire speech after he finished his task. 

“It’s just one dance, you know?” he offers, “It’s not like they’ll start dating.” He chuckles awkwardly in hopes of comforting you. 

Unfortunately, that was the worst thing he could have said.

“Wait, what if they start dating?” You were going to pass out. “You know, I can’t even be mad at Chrissy, I mean, she’s genuinely the sweetest person. And Eddie, god Eddie, he’s so ecstatic about this, I mean, he’s been pining after her since middle school…middle school! And here I am being a bitch because I couldn't get my shit together and just confess to him about how I feel.” you sigh and drop your head on the counter “He deserves this one thing at least, who am I to get in the way of it?” you say with your voice slightly muffled.

Robin smacked Steve’s shoulder before walking around the counter over to you. “Sweetie, don't get so upset with yourself.” She rubs your shoulders, “Don’t let this small inconvenience deter you from enjoying your prom. Remember? You’ve been looking forward to this since you were ten!” 

You look up at her and glance at Steve, meeting his eyes. “Don't let some dumb guy ruin this for you,” he says.

“But he's not some dumb guy, he's Eddie,” you whisper.

“Well, you got me, babe, kay? You can come along with Vicki and me, we’ll have an amazing time together just us, no guys - well that doesn't bother me - but you know what I mean, just us gals, what do you say?”

You don't reply so Robin continues, “This is me officially asking you to prom, are you gonna reject me or not?” she bumps your shoulder with a slight smirk on her freckled face. 

You smile at her, “Okay.”

♡‧₊˚

After Robin had invited you to accompany her and Vicki to prom, you felt a little better. It helped you keep your mind off Eddie and allowed you to look forward to the event of which you’d be attending with your other best friend. 

It had been almost two weeks since Eddie had asked Chrissy to prom and she had evidently accepted with a “sure why not!” Eddie had ranted to you about how he had a nice conversation with her and how she seemed genuinely excited for prom (you cried in the bathroom after that.)

The entire school was reeling over the fact that Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson was taking the queen of Hawkins High, Chrissy Cunningham, to prom. Jason was livid but every time he tried to say something to Eddie during lunch, Chrissy would shut him down, which you were grateful for. 

Another reason why you couldn’t hate her.

Along with Eddie being over the moon about taking his dream girl to prom, he could never seem to shut up about her either. At any possible time, whether at lunch or on the drive home from school, or even during your own personal hang-out time; Eddie always seemed to be talking about one person.

And that person was not you.

Last weekend, Eddie had knocked at your door in a panic about how the suit he was wearing was too big on him and that he looked like a loser, “you always look like a loser.” You pulled him inside so that you could grab your mother’s sewing kit and figure out how you were going to help him tailor Wayne’s old suit to fit him better. “Thanks, princess, what would I do without you?”

While you played tailor, you let it slip that you - surprisingly - haven’t bought a dress yet so in return, he offered to take you dress shopping. The next day he came barreling into your room announcing that the two of you were going shopping at the mall in the town over in hopes of finding your dream dress. 

You're one hundred percent sure that Eddie’s cute little reactions every time you stepped out of the dressing room will forever replay in your mind for the rest of your life. Even for the dresses you immediately dismissed and deemed ugly, you were still praised by him. 

“I look horrible in this, what even are these sleeves?” 

“I kinda dig the sleeves, makes you look like a real princess, princess.”

That smile, god that smile of his. Perhaps it was your delusions or maybe you genuinely saw a flicker of something in Eddie’s eyes when he would glance over your figure, drinking in your body in the dress you were currently showcasing for him. Either way, you were quite literally fooling yourself entirely because he wasn’t going with you,

he was going with Chrissy.

When you got home that day, you decided that you weren't just going to sit around anymore and cry about how things weren't working out. You have been looking forward to prom since you were a kid, you were going to fulfill that ten-year-old you’s dream. 

Pulling your blinds close so that they could block any sort of visual that you'll get from Eddie when he got home you grabbed your walkman and climbed into bed. You weren't in the mood to talk to him at the moment, it was Friday meaning the prom was tomorrow and you were currently losing your mind.

Sadly, God wasn’t through with tormenting you just yet.

The sound of the phone ringing ricocheted throughout your house, forcing you to pull yourself up from your current spot on your bed. 

“Hello?”

“Wanna go for a drive?”

No, you wanted to wallow in your self-pity and die.

“Sure.”

After slipping on some shoes, you walk out of your trailer and trek the small way toward Eddie’s. He was leaning against his van, cigarette in hand. The moon showered Eddie in its light, making him look ethereal. You didn’t check the time before you left but you knew it was a little late already, the moon was high in the sky, set for the night that was to come.

You hadn’t heard him get home earlier you wondered where he had been the entire day. He must have gotten home just now. Weird.

His head perks up at the sound of your shoes hitting the gravel, he gives you that dimpled smile you love so much and drops the cigarette on the ground before putting it out with his shoe. “Thought we both could go for a drive, hop in.” 

He didn’t wait for you to reply and simply walked around to the driver’s side and turned the ignition on.

You took your place in the passenger seat and instantly rummaged through the glove box to look for a new cassette to play.

He looks over at you as you pop in Dio’s The Last in Line, wordlessly. The beginning cords of  “We Rock” play as you sit back and look out the window.

“Where are you taking us, ole mystery man?” you say after a couple of minutes.

“Oh, it’s a surprise, fair maiden.” he laughs softly, “Not really, uh I'm just heading to Lover’s Lake.” His voice is soft, almost too soft. It confuses you slightly, prompting you to look over at your best friend. His eyes were focused on the stretch of road ahead, it felt like he was ignoring your eyes. 

The both of you don't say anything after that, simply basking in Ronnie James Dio’s voice till you arrive at your destination. 

The soft shutter of the ignition indicated that Eddie had parked already, so you quickly unbuckle yourself and crawled to the back of the van while Eddie cracked open the doors.

He had settled on a lone area off the edge of the lake. It was quiet. You took a quick glance at the dashboard before leaving your seat and noticed that it was nine already. The moon shined on the soft ripples coming from the lake, relaxing your surprisingly tense shoulders.

“Here,” Eddie’s voice cuts the air, offering you a blanket from the back of his van to you.

“Thanks,” you say after a beat, “so, are you excited about tomorrow or are you completely shitting yourself about taking your dream girl to the prom, Munson?” 

You peer down to look at his knees that were on display with the worn-out jeans he loved to wear so much. The glint of his rings sparkled signaling that he was drawing shapes on his thigh. One of his nervous ticks, you noted.

You focus your vision back on the water ahead of you, ignoring his stare; you will yourself to not make eye contact with his brown eyes. 

You can do this.

You will not lose your best friend over some silly crush.

“Let’s…not talk about Chrissy. I wanna talk about you. I feel like I don’t know about anything that’s happened to you in the last two weeks.” he pauses for a second, “I’m sorry that I’ve just been talking about her all the time recently.”

The unexpected apology throws you off, you look over at your best friend and bump his shoulder, “Are you okay?”

The question hangs in the air for a bit, it seemed as if he was mulling it over. Your eyebrows twitch in confusion. 

“You remember that day when you learned what prom was and declared to the entire town that you were going to attend it once it was your turn?” His eyes were glassy.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t stop talking about it for weeks, you threatened me that if I wouldn't shut up you’d tape my mouth shut.” You laugh quietly at the memory.

After your laughter dies down as you glance over at him. He looks at you and smiles. “I’m not…,” he hesitates, “I’m not sure…how I should style my hair tomorrow,” 

Your smile falters slightly before you catch yourself and beam up at him, “I love your hair the way it is, Eds, keep it like that.” 

He nods at you and looks away, “We should probably get back, I didn’t tell my mom where I was going,” you murmur.

“Of course, can’t have the princess getting in trouble, can we?” he grins at you.

Oh, how you love him.

♡‧₊˚

If you were to tell fourteen-year-old Eddie Munson that he would be attending prom with the girl he’d been crushing on. He wouldn't have believed you. 

He’d turn to his best friend and laugh in your face with her, cackling to the insane statements along with her. That same best friend who encouraged him to ask Chrissy in the first place. The same best friend who has dreamed about prom since she was a kid and the same best friend whom he wouldn't be attending it with. 

You’d think Eddie would be excited, but he couldn’t help but have a small feeling inside his heart that hurt. 

He drums his fingers on his steering wheel, the anxiety pooling in his stomach. His eyes glance over at your trailer, your blinds were pulled but he could see a sliver of light peeking through, most likely from your lamp. It was quiet in there, he assumed you were listening to your walkman. You had always preferred listening to your music with your headphones rather than blaring it out loud as he did. 

He closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh. “Fuck, she was right,” he mutters.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what Chrissy had said.

He had been walking out of the school after he had finished pre-planning everything he wanted to do in the next Hellfire session. Yesterday, the guys had completely thrown him off so he needed to fix up his original idea for the next session next week. It never hurt to start early.

He was making his way over to the picnic table in the woods behind the school so that he could smoke before he left home for the day. His eyes glanced around the parking lot before passing through it, not many students were loitering around; choosing to immediately book it after the bell seeing as it was Friday and on top of that the Friday before prom.

He had barely stepped onto the grass that led to the woods when he heard his name being called.

He looked over his shoulder only to see Chrissy walking toward him. “Hey, Eddie,” her polished nails were waving at him, causing him to stop in his tracks.

“What’s up?” he shoots her a quick smile.

“Oh, were you busy? Because I really need to talk to you.” Her pleading eyebrows were creased in a slight worry.

“Ah nah, I was just heading to my spot to smoke before I went home.” his gaze shifts back to her, “Walk with me?”

Chrissy simply nods and begins walking beside him.

Eddie attempts to find something to say during the short distance to the picnic table, scouring through his brain in hopes of making the walk less awkward than it was. 

It was never awkward with you.

He shook his head before he realized he had finally reached his destination, he sits down and pulls out a cigarette before beckoning Chrissy to say what she needed to say.

She takes a deep breath. “When you asked me to go to prom with you, I was inclined to say no.” She pauses for a second before catching herself, “Not in that way, um, I just never really thought you liked me. I mean I don’t think we’ve ever really talked before.” She thinks for a bit, “Maybe during the middle school talent show…” Her eyes shoot up to his, “god what was the name of your band, it was such an insane name, I loved it.”

“Corroded Coffin” Eddie answers with a smile.

“Corroded Coffin! Oh my gosh yes!” She laughs before looking off to the side, “I honestly thought you were dating someone already.” She says your name, “Yeah I could’ve sworn y’all were dating, so when you asked me to go to prom, it completely caught me off guard.” She nods to herself in confirmation.

At the sound of your name, Eddie perks up. “Wait you thought I was dating her?” He quickly laughs, waving her off. “No, we’re not-we’re not dating, we’re just friends.” He doesn’t meet her eyes.

“I don’t think you want to be.” She says quietly.

His eyebrows screw together, “what?”

“Look, I don’t know you too well and I don’t really know her too well either,” she bites her lip slightly, “I think you should go with her…to prom.”

Eddie just stares at her, not saying a word.

Chrissy sets her bag down and sits down now, “I’ve seen you during lunch, well god, I mean how could I not!” she laughs and shakes her head quickly, “Your face just looks so…in love when you look at her. It’s like you hang onto every word she says to you. And I’m not sure you realize that. And if you haven’t, she hasn’t either and is probably devastated that you asked me to prom and not her.” 

Eddie finally looks into Chrissy’s eyes now. Her eyes were big and full, they look a little glassy like she was going to cry, but not of sadness, no, Eddie didn’t think she was upset, she looks like she was in awe. In awe at him. At the love that he had not for her but for his best friend. Her face looked like she yearned for this supposed love that she claimed he had for you. 

She smiles, “So, I’m not going to prom with you, Eddie,” Chrissy says with a tone of finality.

“Thank you…for this intervention,” he looks away, “didn’t know I needed it.” his voice was quiet. 

Chrissy laughs but doesn’t say anything as she gets up, she ruffles slightly with her bookbag and slings it onto her back. She begins to walk away before she turns around to look at Eddie one last time. “I better see you at prom tomorrow and not alone.” She sent him one last smile and walked away.

Surprisingly, Eddie wasn’t upset or sad, instead, he was relieved. 

He sits there in silence for what felt like an eternity. The afternoon sunlight beamed on him like stripes due to the trees providing a bit of shade for him. He felt like he was processing everything and nothing at the same time. 

He had to leave, he had to get to you now.

Eddie’s mind was still reeling when he was getting close to Forest Hills, as much as he wanted to park in front of your trailer, run into your room, and tell you all that he was thinking, 

he simply couldn’t.

So instead he doesn’t turn into the trailer park but rather keeps driving. 

How could he have been so blind? All these years of pining after Chrissy Cunningham he thought it was her he wanted. He thought that whenever he would talk about her smile and how her face would light up a room it was Chrissy he was talking about but in actuality, it was you. It was always you.

It has always been you, ever since he had moved in beside your trailer into his uncle's. It has always been you cheering for him like when he had gotten nervous to go on stage for the talent show and Jeff had thrown up backstage. It has always been you whom he would talk to all through the night after you would slip through the window in his room. It has always been you listening to him rant on and on about the new campaign he was preparing for the guys. It has always been you. It will always be you.

And now it was dark outside, the moon replacing the sun for the night. Eddie sits submerged in your presence at Lover’s Lake. He knows that you suspect something is off about him.

“Are you okay?”

No Eddie wasn’t okay. He wanted to scream to the world that he had been in love with you for the longest time. To lose his voice after telling you about all the little things he loves about you, how he was stupid for not realizing sooner and for making you go through the last few years of him pining after a girl he never even loved.

But instead, he gives a lame excuse of not knowing how to style his hair. 

He sees your smile falter but doesn't say anything. 

And then you offer him that beautiful smile of yours. 

God, he hates himself. Why couldn’t Eddie just say that he loves you? He curses himself for being such a coward.

Oh, how you love him.

Oh, how he loves you.

♡‧₊˚

You spent the morning lounging in your bed basking in your sadness before you force yourself to get distracted with the makeup and the music from the reality that was your life. 

So what if the guy you’ve been in love with was going to prom with someone else? Totally not the end of the world, right?

“Sweetie, you should be leaving to pick up Robin or you’re going to be late.” Your mom’s voice echoes throughout the trailer. 

“Yeah, I'm almost done” you yell back as you grab your heels.

Your eyes dart over at your window. You couldn’t help to notice that Eddie’s van was still parked, meaning he hasn’t left to pick Chrissy up yet. It was getting late already, prom was at seven but it was already quarter past and you had assumed Chrissy would want to get there early or something. 

You finish putting your heels on and go to look in the mirror. This was it. You were finally going to attend prom, granted not with Eddie but you were still going with your friends. 

With one last look in the mirror, you grab your purse and head out of the safe haven that was your room. 

The sound of your doorbell rings throughout the trailer, “I’ll get it,” you say as you pass your mom in the kitchen.

Weird, must’ve been Robin.

A smirk finds its way on your face as you walk up toward the door. “No way, you drove here yourself-” 

You open the door, fully expecting a dolled-up Robin (to her standards) in front of you, but to your surprise, it was someone else. 

Eddie. 

He was standing there in his tux that you had helped tailor. His hair’s down, it looks freshly washed and his curls look bouncy as ever; he had taken your advice that you had told him at the lake. He’s wearing that iconic jewelry of his, the rings he had on extenuating his long fingers. He chose to ditch the tie altogether and instead unbuttoned the first two buttons on the shirt, showing a sliver of his collarbones to the world. 

“Uh, no I walked over actually,” Eddie says with a laugh.  

After getting over your initial shock you smile at your best friend. “Eds, what are you doing here?” 

You look at him expectantly and notice his eyes scanning your form, he swallows quickly before he looks back at you. His face had a slight blush to it. 

No way. Did Eddie just check you out?

Eddie doesn't reply so you begin to ramble nervously. “Look at you,” you force a laugh, “Look at you going to prom” without me.

He just stares at you, not saying anything, so you continue. “I can't believe you're going with your dream girl,” you smile sadly, “you did it.” 

He finally seems to process that he was standing in front of you and quickly stutters out, “Chrissy dumped me,” your eyebrows shoot up, “yeah, I’m not going with her anymore.” His eyes scan your face.

You blink, “Oh, I'm sorry I didn't - you didn’t tell me.”

“She’s not my dream girl”

“Huh?”

“She’s not my dream girl. You are.”

Were you going insane? You didn’t say anything, you couldn’t say anything. What did he mean that you were his dream girl? You simply stared at Eddie, blinking not saying a word. Your mouth was closing and opening attempting to locate words but your brain was currently malfunctioning. 

“I don’t think I understand?” your eyes shift behind Eddie’s form, searching for something. 

This was a joke. Surely Chrissy was going to pop out from behind and yell “Sike!” and then they were going to laugh in your face because Eddie had found out that you’ve been in love with him and had found it hilarious. This must have been some cruel prank that they were pulling.

But no one comes out. Eddie doesn’t laugh in your face but instead, he steps forward.

“Princess, you’re my dream girl. You always have been, I was just too blind to notice.” His brown eyes look at yours.

Those wide, loving eyes of his. God, you love him.

“I realized that I wasn't in love with Chrissy, she was just a crush that I had when I realized I would never be able to be with you. I think in fear of being rejected by you, I inadvertently did it anyway by developing that fantasy idea of her. It’s not Chrissy I've been in love with all these years, it's you.” He finishes his confession with a final sigh of relief.

You gulp. “You…love me?” 

“Of course I love you, how couldn’t I?” he says with a shy smile.

That’s all you needed.

So you kiss him. 

After years of pining. After years of wondering why Eddie wouldn’t just look your way. Of vying after him, you finally have his attention.

The kiss feels rushed like the two of you were chasing the years of lost time. Cursing at the other for having been missing out on this one single act. Hell, at this moment you're not sure how you were able to go years without kissing Eddie, and you don’t ever want to know how again. 

He pulls away reluctantly. “So,” he pecks you once more, “if you’ll allow me, I made a deal, and I intend on keeping that promise, sweetheart.” 

You crinkle your eyebrows in confusion for a second before it hits you,

he remembered.

A grin breaks out on your face. The childish voices ring in your memories.

“You’ll go with me to prom right, Eds?”

“Only if you let me swing now.”

“Deal.”

“I’d love to, Eds.”

A grin splits onto Eddie’s face, “Whew, thank god, I almost thought I had gotten all pretty for no reason.” 

You felt giddy. Your heart was overcome with emotion, you hoped you wouldn't wake up from this dream.

But this wasn’t a dream. This was true. 

Interlacing your fingers with Eddie’s you close the door and smile, “Yeah, let’s go to prom together.”

“Wait, what about Robin?”

“Ah, I already called her.”

“Oh, how presumptuous of you.”

“Big words, fair maiden, you know just how to get me going don’t cha, princess?”

[astraariel]

lemon meringue pie

pairing: sanji x fem!reader

summary: Sanji makes a dumb decision to accept a dare of asking you out, but he ends up falling in love with you. Then you find out.

word count: 2.6K

warnings: cursing

tags: modern!au; college!au; bets; fluff; slight angst; lying; friends to lovers

author's note: this is a tad ooc for sanji bc I believe he would NEVER do this bc he's a sweetheart but I like angst and sanji so I decided to combine the two. just take this as if he's a dumb little college boy lol, excuse the grammar mistakes ♡

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You had always noticed him. 

He sat in front of you in your statistics class that you had taken last semester, he always paid attention to the professor and always was attentive to the lecture. He kept to himself but would occasionally talk to who you presumed was his friend who sat beside him in class. 

He had caught your eye one week before promptly turning around and asking you if you had any idea what was going on in class that day. You had laughed and nodded. 

“Yeah, I kinda do, but I had to teach myself for 3 hours yesterday.”

“Ahh, you any good of a tutor?”

You had found out his name was Sanji and that he originally wanted to go to culinary school to become a chef, hence why he was terrible at statistics. His father didn’t agree with his dream but had made a compromise with him that if he got a business degree, he could then attend culinary school.

From then on your relationship began flourishing. You two had become really good friends and quickly started to get more involved with each other. He would always offer to cook for you over at your apartment, said he enjoyed making you happy with his food. 

You had fallen for him from the beginning. Sanji was a very flirty man, you had come to realize. You originally never knew if he was genuinely flirting with you or if that was just in his nature. You also had a difficult time allowing yourself to truly fall in love with him due to past insecurities that you later would tell him.

He was truly the man of your dreams, he had the kindest heart, and he loved to rile you up with all the compliments he showered you in. 

Before you knew it, you had fallen hard.

He had asked you out in the following weeks after meeting you for the first time. Your first date was a simple picnic he had put together. Various desserts and foods filled your mouth as you exchanged shy smiles with him that day.

Your first kiss had been when he had taken you ice skating during the winter break, you had leaned in to kiss him after an embarrassing fall he helped you up from. He gave you one of those signature smiles of his and kissed you back. 

Before you had said anything, he was the one that had actually said “I love you.” But as soon as he said it and you reciprocated it back, you mentioned how you had honestly fallen for him from the beginning when you first met, he tackled you on your bed and kissed you all over before settling down later and whispering sweet nothings to each other while you threaded your fingers through his hair. 

Any chance he got he would turn to you and lovingly tell you how you were his entire world. Sanji loved pet names, “darling” and “angel” were his favorites but when he was feeling extremely flirty than normal, he’d call you absurd names simply to see you blush. You’d half-heartedly slap his shoulder insisting that he should stop talking. 

In the past few months of your relationship with Sanji, you had been over the moon and would dreamily swoon over him at night whenever he wasn’t staying over.

But, you knew it was too good to be true.

You were in your World History class when you noticed that Sanji had texted you

Wanna meet up for coffee after your class? I made you a lemon meringue pie and I brought you a slice xoxo

You bit your lip to keep yourself from grinning like a fool. 

of course!! It’s a date <3

You heard your professor begin to wrap up and reminded everyone that the homework was due Sunday before you gathered your stuff quickly and walked out of the room. You stepped out of the building your class was in when you pulled out your phone to call Sanji as you continued to walk aimlessly. 

You were about to press the “call” button when you heard your name. You looked around before you made eye contact with a group of guys walking toward you. You recognized them as Sanji’s friends he occasionally would hang out with. You weren’t really acquainted with them well because Sanji never wanted to introduce them to you. You never said anything to him because frankly, they didn’t look the nicest, and you honestly didn’t know why your boyfriend was friends with them.

“Hi?” Your voice flowed through the air with a questioning tone.

“Your Sanji’s girl aren’t you?” you nodded cautiously, “Why haven’t we met you?” The taller one in the middle asked you.

You chuckled nervously, “I’m not sure, you should ask him. Look, uh-I gotta-” you began to walk away, hoping to get some space far away from them as fast as you could but the guy who had been in your and Sanji’s statistics class cuts you off. 

“How are you and Mr. Prince Charming doing? You forgive him?” He looks at his friends and they snicker at each other. 

You weren’t sure what he was going on about and you were honestly getting restless with the conversation. You tilted your head slightly and let out a slight scoff. “What do you mean?” 

“Ya know, ‘cause it was a dare.” he pauses, “Wait…has he not told you? Oops,” he sucked his teeth, “I don't think I was supposed to tell you.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows at them, about to ask what the fuck they meant when you heard Sanji’s voice calling your name. 

“Hey, what are you doing, I thought we were gonna go get coffee?” He looked at you briefly before his eyes darted toward his friends. He laughed nervously, “you really shouldn’t talk to them, they say all sorts of dumb shit.” He tried to guide you away when one of the other guys spoke up.

“Ah come on, Sanji, look you can give up the act, you won. You proved to us that you are truly the king of pussy, man, you win.” One of them slaps Sanji’s shoulder in mock congratulations. 

He just stood there looking at you, holding the slice of pie in his hand that he had intended to bring you.

You looked at Sanji. “Tell me it’s not true. Tell me they’re lying, Sanji.” Your eye’s were beginning to gloss over, tears threatening to fall at any second; no, you couldn’t give those assholes whom he called friends the satisfaction they desired. 

“Darling…” He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what was happening. As if he was the one who had just received this new information. 

As if he was the one who was being humiliated.

You whispered, “For once, stop lying.” you were numb. You honestly didn’t care that you were in the middle of your school campus, the murmurs from spectators at your school were the last thing on your mind. 

“I…” he closed his eyes, “Yes, it’s true. It started off as some dumb joke, a stupid dare, that I had accepted. But,” he said your name, “I fell in love with you. That was real - it IS real. I love you.” He attempted to reach out and grab your hand. 

You stepped back, repulsed. 

By him or by yourself, you weren’t sure yet. 

Your eyes hardened, “I’m so glad I was able to entertain you.” 

You didn’t have to look at his friends to know that they were smiling at the scene that unfolded in front of them. You turned around quickly, walking to the parking lot as fast as you could before Sanji could try to say anything. There was only so much you could take. 

You began to run once you saw the cars start to appear in your view, you needed to get out here. 

Once you reached your car, you began digging in your bag hastily, attempting to locate your keys so you could drive away from this nightmare. 

The footsteps behind you were approaching you rapidly. “I’m sorry, please,” Sanji was slightly out of breath, as he said your name. “I love you, I don’t deserve you at all, especially after what I did, but please know I wasn’t lying to you about that.”

You were tired of pretending. You turned to him swiftly, the tears were falling freely now, on full display for him to see the pain he caused. The sun’s rays bounced against his disheveled blonde hair that had gotten slightly tussled by the wind from his run toward you. His eyes were filled with tears, they looked broken. The streaks of tear trails on his face glistened in the sunlight. 

He looked beautiful. 

You hated yourself for loving him, you hated yourself for truly believing that he would ever love you. You had fooled yourself entirely. 

“You lied to me. I opened myself up to you, I let you in. And what did I get in return? Lies.” you sounded hysterical. You probably looked it as well with you jabbing your fingers at him. “What was the dare?”

He looks down. The asshole couldn’t even look you in the eyes. “That I could get you to fall in love with me in a month.”

You just look at him. Were you that easy?

His lips were quivering, “I know-”

“You don’t, no, you don’t know. You broke my trust. I trusted you. I-” You gasped for air, “You know, about the boys in my school who would ask me out as a joke. I told you that growing up I was the punchline of every joke, how they would mock me; laugh in my face at the idea of ever being in love with me. I confided in you.” 

“I fucked up -”

“You went and spit in my face.” you weren’t crying anymore. There were no more tears left, you had used them all on him. “You know what’s funny, Sanji? It’s the fact that I’m not even entirely upset over the dare. I’m used to that.” you laugh deliriously, “I’m upset that you didn’t tell me personally and instead, I find out months after, from your douchebag group of friends. You didn’t even have the balls to tell me yourself.” you look at him, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn’t.

You scoff, “Were you ever going to tell me?” 

He just looks at you, “I’m sorry.”

You jeer at him, “I thought you were different.” 

“I am,” he strained out pathetically.

You shook your head, “You are exactly like those guys in my school.” 

And with that, you quickly get in your car and pull out of the parking lot as fast as you can. You don’t bother to look in the rearview mirror at Sanji. 

You didn’t see him crumble to his knees, sobbing in his hands with the lemon pie forgotten on the ground.

♡‧₊˚

Your apartment was silent other than the low conversations that could be heard from the television that you had turned on to fill for background noise. The center table was filled with takeaway boxes from the last couple of days. 

It had been a week since you had been humiliated and embarrassed by Sanji. After giving into your body’s plea for food 3 days into your sorrow-filled life, you indulged in the luxuries of online food delivery and gorged yourself on Chinese food. 

You hadn't had the heart to block Sanji, you would punish yourself by listening to the voicemails he would leave, but you would never answer or call back. You weren’t sure exactly why you even bothered. 

You hadn’t been attending your classes either, a quick email was sent to your professors stating that you had to go out of town for a funeral, and you hoped that they accepted that excuse seeing as you never checked for any of their responses, too upset to care. 

Your phone rang from your room, you didn’t need to check who it was you already knew. You simply let it continue ringing as you grabbed a bottle of water and turned your computer on to order your dinner for the night. You weren’t sure if you wanted pizza or Mexican today. 

Oh, how you missed his cooking. No, why were you thinking of him? Shaking your head, you walked over to the couch, wrapping yourself in your blanket while you waited for your food to arrive. 

You had been flipping through Netflix, trying to settle on a movie but every time you would choose one, you would change your mind as soon as something reminded you remotely of Sanji. 

Your attention was brought back when you heard a few knocks on at your door. Assuming that it was the delivery person, you grabbed your wallet from the counter and walked quickly so that you could get this human interaction over with and send the delivery guy off with a tight-lipped smile and a quiet thanks. 

You swing the door open and you were met with the sight of Sanji holding your food with a nervous smile. “I bumped into the delivery guy on the way up, I already paid for it.” He said while gesturing towards the food. 

You just looked at him with a blank stare on your face. He was wearing a loose-fitted white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up that showed his forearms. His wavy blonde hair was askew, he had probably been running his hands through it before knocking at your door. His eyes were rimmed red as if he had been crying just a couple of minutes ago. 

“Please, can I explain myself?” He said when you didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes. Great, he was already begging. 

You nodded slightly and retreated back into your apartment, you could hear him let out a sigh of relief before shutting the door quietly. You stood in the living room, waiting for him to begin. 

He took a deep breath, “I am sorry. I will forever be sorry and I understand if you never forgive me, because I don’t deserve it. I am an asshole for going through with the dare.”

“Yes, you are.”

“But I just wanted you to know that I love you so much, angel,” you let the pet name pass, “Every time I would say that I loved you, I meant it. That was real. That was the truth. Those late-night calls, when I would cook you dinner because you didn’t feel like making anything, all those moments I got to enjoy because I was with you. I got to know you. I was able to find out how beautiful and how stunning you are. I was given the chance to correct my mistake when I fell in love with you.” Sanji confessed. 

He sounded genuine. His eyes were giving you a pleading look but still held that sparkle he always had when he looked at you like you had hung the moon. 

He had betrayed your trust. But god did you miss him. 

“I can’t say that I forgive you,” you watched his face fall slightly, “yet.” He looked at you with a hopeful expression.

You didn’t say anything else. Your eyes drifted to his side and noticed that he was still holding the food in his left hand. He noticed your attention had shifted to the food, and he quickly set it on the counter. “I’ll go now, enjoy your food.” 

“Wait, Sanji.” You looked away, “I…I-uh ordered too much, you can stay and have some,” you cleared your throat briefly, “If you want.” you added. You glanced back at him and noticed that he was smiling slightly. Oh, how you missed him. 

“Of course, I’d love to.” He offered a small smile to which you returned back.

[astraariel]

hi! ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

My name is Ariel, I'm 20, and I'm just vibing :)))

I do have an AO3 for if you prefer to read on there!

I do want to note that I write for fun! Therefore, it may not be the best writing but it's not that serious because I'm just goofing around :)

I write for whatever I'm hyper-fixated on so sometimes I fixate on something/someone for a short period of time OR I fixate for a really long period of time. So I write for whomever I'm super into at the time!! AND I also write WHEN I want to, sometimes I'll post back to back, or I won't post in like months. So if you guys follow, just note, there is no guarantee of constant fics.

I'm also here in case you wanna just chat about stuff, I'm super into kpop (I'm a multi, but really like txt and ateez), anime (one piece, jjk, and many more), movies (marvel, lotr/the hobbit), and video games (resident evil, tlou)

I also like a whole bunch more, so if you wanna talk go for it!

──★ ˙🍓 ̟ !!