astrainova - Tumblr blog

[astrainova]

ive forgotten the origin of "she blank on my blank til i blank" and i dont even begin to know how to look it up

[astrainova]

[astrainova]

It physically hurts me to block so many beautiful women but they are lying to me.

[astrainova]

The Virtual Toad Choir Presents: SILENT NIGHT

[astrainova]

so when straight people ask me why I say I’m “queer” or “gay” instead of sharing my actual identity as a panromantic demisexual non-binary sapphic queer I just tell them “ok look, when you’re talking to someone who isn’t local and they ask you where you’re from and you either say the name of the largest city nearby or ‘town name, suburb of large nearby city’ so they can get some geographical context of where you’re located right, bc they’re probably not going to know the name of the little town you actually live in.”

but if you’re talking to a local you can say the name of your actual town bc they have a greater chance of knowing where/what that is.

ok well when I’m talking to a straight person I start with queer bc chances are they aren’t as familiar with the context of all the little towns in that big queer city and need gps (gay positioning system) to find me.

if I’m talking to another queer person and I say I live in a suburb of gay city in a town called panromantic on the demisexual side of the tracks which is in the county of queer and I live off the intersection of non-binary and sapphic, they’d probably be able to find me with little to no problems, make sense?

[astrainova]

People on tumblr are like "I'm handing all my mutuals a bowl of soup we are kissing with tongue we are the bestest of besties I am killing and dying for you" but sometimes me and the mutuals are posting completely different shit existing on the same blogging platform but really we're just standing in the alley going "ayup" at each other like fucking king of the hill.

[astrainova]

used your blog as my for you for a second, my bad, thank you kid izzet

Kid izzet sounds like the protagonist of a Ravnican cartoon that’s secretly League propaganda

[astrainova]

medicine commercials:

[astrainova]

You should never forget literally the best line in all of video games

[astrainova]

🎃 an ode to my horror mutuals 🎃

[astrainova]

>at feminism conference

>first male speaker in event's 50 year history

>great and terrible honor

>nervous

>get on stage

>40,000 people staring at me in silence

>all girls

>nervous

>introduce myself

>silence

>shakily bring up first slide of PowerPoint

>"things that I think women like, based on listening to women for 30 years"

>silence

>could hear a pin drop

>somewhere in the crowd a gun is cocked

>deep breath

>next slide

>"Whip-Its"

>deafening silence

>oh god

>I'm done for

>it's so over

>suddenly

>a slow clap

>slow clap builds to a few dozen claps

>few dozen builds to hundreds

>thunderous applause from all 40,000 women

>"finally!" they say

>oh shit

>tenative confidence

>next slide

>"Video games"

>applause continues

>women are stomping their feet

>hooting

>hollering

>next slide

>"treats sometimes"

>cheering

>whistles

>crowd of women chanting

>next slide

>"end of presentation. thank you for listening"

>women applaud me off stage

>pass the upcoming presenter back stage

>is a woman who is going to do magic tricks with a lion

>"thanks for getting them warmed up rookie"

>oh fuck do women like magic tricks

>magician goes on stage

>the women fucking love the magic tricks with a lion

>every day I learn more about women

[astrainova]

Kinda fucked up and nasty how vampires drink blood, imo. Like. Pepsi costs a dollar seventy five

[astrainova]

ok this is so stupid but i always turn to playing cookie clicker when things are going Rough 4 me. idkidk its just a silly little thing i can put my whole focus on and off of very easily. probs the single best way of grounding for me. thank u orteil ur game is singlehandedly better for me than any breathing exercise mwah mwah

i get messages like yours a lot and while i didn't intend for it i'm very glad my game gets to be useful to people that way!

[astrainova]

is there tumblr drama? i would be invested in that.

like people arguing in text would be SO funny

Are you new here

[astrainova]

Happy birthday! What are some of your favourite MTG flavour text?

I long to write Simic flavor text as funny as these

[astrainova]

Penis decanter

[ link on amazon... ]