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More thoughts because this won't leave my head actually.

I imagine Jonathan's life trajectory would probably quite similar to many of the actual trans people alive in the 1890s whose stories we know--I'm in this for the history after all, which is to say, he probably began living as a man as a teenager. I think Mr. Hawkins has to know, given that Jonathan isn't just his assistant, so good on Mr. Hawkins for being remarkably open-minded? But also their half-familial, half-mentor-and-protege relationship might well explain Jonathan having landed the position he did, even as someone with a fairly big secret. Meanwhile Mina not only also knows, but very well might have been the one to encourage him to go through with it, since I am here for the idea that they've known each other since they were fairly young.

And then of course, there's Dracula. Who I think figures it out--whatever tips him off could be a good replacement for the shaving scene, and I think unfortunately for Jonathan only makes Dracula more intrigued by him. I imagine other things about the captivity would be additionally intolerable for him at that point. (Worst case scenario: what if there were a vampire keeping you prisoner and making your dysphoria worse?)

Mina, of course, is off having her own complicated thoughts about Lucy's engagement--and perhaps a bit resentful of the men who are able to court her openly--and growing increasingly anxious for her fiancé when she finally receives a letter saying a young English woman suffering from brain fever was brought some time ago to a convent in Buda-Pesth and has only just been able to provide the name of a friend back home.

They two of them aren't able to be married there as in the original novel, but Mina takes care to pack some of Jonathan's clothes when she goes, knowing he'll be wanting them as soon as he's well enough to travel.

I have blurrier thoughts from there on out--it feels like the suitors ought to find out at some point, just because I like the idea of it being another couple secrets binding the group together. Seward in particular probably has some knowledge of inversion theory and it could be fun to make him the sort of doctor to see Jonathan's case as an example of successful "treatment" (it was rare for that to be the case, but I know of actual historical instances not that long after Dracula is set where it did actually happen!) Also I like the idea of the suitors all considering Jonathan "one of the guys" knowingly. Self-indulgent, maybe, but I'm already rubbing my queer little hands all over this story, I might as well do it to the fullest.

One other thing is for certain though--in this version of events, it's Jonathan, not Mina who ends up partially-turned in October. Dracula seems to have a tendency to target young women for that, and I think it would really get into the gender of it all to have him again target Jonathan--who is not one, but who most of society would perceive as one if they knew the truth. I also think it's shortly after this that Jonathan and Mina do have a--incredibly hurried, intensely bittersweet--legal marriage ceremony, with the logic that Lucy might have had to go to her (undead) grave without one, but none in the group wish to let it happen to anyone else.

(Ironically, Jonathan is very neutral on the idea of being married, but the wedding makes him cry anyway)

Sits bolt upright.

What if. Trans aro/ace Jonathan Harker and lesbian Mina Murray who are best friends getting married to keep each other's secrets

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Sits bolt upright.

What if. Trans aro/ace Jonathan Harker and lesbian Mina Murray who are best friends getting married to keep each other's secrets

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this is a marcille donato appreciation post 🗣️‼️

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Seabeck blooms

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A story that the Jews tell each other is that when the slaves were fleeing Egypt they came to the edge of the Red Sea and thought: well, fuck, this is it. Water in front of them and enemies behind. They had escaped, sure, but all this meant was that they were going to die free instead of in chains. A meaningful distinction in an abstract sense, but the Jews are a practical people, and mostly what they were concerned with in that moment was: they would be equally dead either way.

A man stepped out from the group. He stepped into the water. He said: mi chamocha ba’eilim adonai? Who is like you Adonai, among the gods who are worshipped? He sang that verse over and over again. He sang it as he waded into the sea. He gave his body over to his faith as he walked. There was nowhere to go but forward. If he was going to die, he figured, and be equally dead either way, he was not going to die in slavery and he was not going to die at the hands of the Egyptians, either. He was going to die walking and singing, believing, trying to find progress in the chaos, in the waves. 

In the story, the water laps first at his feet, then his knees, his thighs, his ribs, his neck, finally flowing into his mouth as he sings and sings and sings. The words get choked, mispronounced: the hard cha of mi chamocha becomes mi kamoka, strangled but still certain. 

In the story, this man is why the people get their miracle, the waters parting to let them cross through on dry land. It is an act of divine intervention, but it only comes because someone is willing to put his life on the line to make it happen. I keep thinking about him this week, that apocryphal man and how it is a story we make sure to keep telling each other: when there is water in front of you and enemies behind, you do not wait for your god, or a sign. You trust in something larger than yourself and open your mouth to sing about it. You put your feet on the ground and walk forward. 

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Hi! We're preparing for our seder this weekend and are feeling weird about the "next year in Jerusalem" part - any chance you have thoughts or advice to share? Thanks!

Ah, yeah, I think that's the bit that a lot of folks are struggling with this year. You're certainly not alone in feeling weird.

I've personally found it possible to reframe it in my head as a call for peace "Next year in Jerusalem" -- for everyone who lives there. Especially as someone who would love to visit the city someday but would never do so under the current government, my longing for a Jerusalem I actually want to visit is real, and the traditional phrase feels like it has room to express that, too.

At the seder I attended last night, we explicitly replaced it with a call for peace in Palestine, which is one of the other directions you can take it -- though I will admit if I was designing a haggadah of my own (we were largely following the one put together by Families for Ceasefire Philly, with a few additions of our own & from a more traditional haggadah at certain points) I might try to find a way to align the traditional words with current intentions, just because I find that connection between past and present (and future) a particularly powerful part of Judaism. But a part of that is also a flexibility and willingness to answer the challenges of the times we find ourselves in, and I think it's still in the spirit of a seder to replace it with something that feels more fitting.

That said, there are absolutely ways to center collective liberation and calls for peace throughout a seder, and I think the tone you set through the ritual will carry over into those final words. Whether you change them or not, the discussions you have over the table and the parallels you make between the Passover story and the suffering currently happening in the world are a powerful way to be in community with other Jews who are spending the holiday affirming our commitment to calling for a ceasefire--and who have fought for similar things in the past. You can say the traditional words and think about all the Jews who have recited them throughout history and also fought for a better world, or you can change them and think about the fact that you are not alone in your discomfort.

I hope some of that helps guide your thinking. There's certainly no one right answer to this (it's complicated, and that wouldn't be very Jewish anyways) but I hope you find a solution that makes your seder important and meaningful to you all the same.

Chag pesach sameach & Gut yontiff

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ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a nervous young man

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Thinking fondly about how Jonathan Harker has been one of my very favorite fictional characters for ages and how wonderful it has been to watch tumblr fall in love with him these past few years

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Went to a really lovely second night seder this evening centered around collective liberation and antizionist action that was clearly very meaningful for everyone involved, but that did get extremely derailed at one point because a poem one of the hosts read lead to us looking up turtle sex noises.

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And you know you are gigantic as the things that you adore

Some days you give thanks, some days you give the finger

It's a complicated creation

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A resting place

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My piece for @palimpsestzine ! I had a wonderful time working on this alongside such incredible organizers and artists. I adore this game and I adored working on this project!

You can download the zine here! It was put together with SO much care and detail, and everyone's contributions are stunning. Any proceeds go to Librarians With Palestine!

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we should start making zines about cool research papers

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Slides an email across the table to the German/Nordic/Slavic/Dutch department to ask if I can take 4th semester German in the fall even though I tested into 3rd semester German, because the former fits into my schedule perfectly and I would have to take the latter at the god-forsaken hour of 8am.

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also i am literally always thinking about this: when people write about nature, about direct and meaningful contact with the world, they often frame it as being about solitude. that the important thing is that people are absent and they are experiencing the world as it is meant to be. just nature, wih no people in it.

this seems to me to be patently silly -- when you are alone in the desert alone in the woods alone in the ocean you are not experiencing the absence of people from nature because YOU are a people!!! the thing you are experiencing is the *presence* of people in nature!!

you are experiencing people interfacing with the world! you aren't experiencing the removal of an incompatible human factor; the thing that is revealed to you is your fundamental human *compatibility* with nature. you were simply distracted before. but you belong. you have always belonged. we all do.

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I like to think he starts every meeting like this

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Emile Bernard (French, 1868 - 1941)

Walker in the meadow (Promeneuse dans la clairière), N/D

Oil on canvas, 76 x 57 cm