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are you ever just so glad no one can hear ur internal monologue

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quotes that help me survive:

“You are not lost. You are here. Stop abandoning yourself. Stop repeating this myth about love and success that will land in your lap or evade you forever. Build a humble, flawed life from the rubble, and cherish that. There is nothing more glorious on the face of the earth than someone who refuses to give up, who refuses to give in to their most self-hating, discouraged, disillusioned self, and instead learns, slowly and painfully, how to relish the feeling of building a hut in middle of the suffocating dust.” — Heather Havrilesky, Ask Polly

this tumblr text post:

“To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.” — Mary Oliver

From an interview with Kazu Makino:

Instructions On Not Giving Up, Ada Limon:

And this poster by Yumi Sakugawa

“You have to believe, in your heart, that even if you don’t work hard and exercise and think positive thoughts and make new friends and march triumphantly into the future, you are still enough. You will always have bad days. Being broken doesn’t make you a loser. You can crumble, and you will still be enough. Make that your religion moving forward. You are here to feel this moment. You are not here to become someone better. You are not here to impress or compete. You are not here to prove yourself. You are here to savor this life. Let down your guard. You are already enough. Believe it.” — Heather Havrilesky

“The first feminist gesture is to say: “Ok. They’re looking at me. But I’m looking at them.” The act of deciding to look, of deciding that the world is not defined by how people see me, but by how I see them.” -Agnès Varda

lyrics from the song Grow by The Oh Hellos:

“The world’s otherness is antidote to confusion, that standing within this otherness—the beauty and the mystery of the world, out in the fields or deep inside books—can re-dignify the worst-stung heart.” — Mary Oliver

“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you,and that you will work with these stories from your life--not someone else's life--water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom. That is the work. The only work.” — Clarissa Pinkola Estes

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October Pokemon Watercolor Paintings made by LadySunshine

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Family is fake and love is a lie

Ugh

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ladies? i have GOT to ask. what is going on

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IFL the PNW

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Starter Pokemon Terrarium Posters made by Artimation

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Take his flux

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This part of my research career is so awesome because I no longer have courses and I'm self-motivated to get work done, I get to travel and give TALKS about my research but MOST IMPORTANTLY I feel like such an astronomer actually producing and writing observing proposals to Gemini and learning more about the field. I hope this never ends.

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I'm coming right up on that ripe old age when a scientist becomes very scattered in conversation but knows a lot of researchy stuff.

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Study marathon 1/13

Revising theories of evolution and then heading over to the realm of physics and maths. Inspiring quote of the day:

Assiduity, it means sit down until you do it. Commit yourself to your work and study.

Lucas Remmerswaal

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Flower lover

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#justgradthings

After completing my MSc courses in astronomy (which were a bitch btw but totally worth it) life as a grad student is dope. For starters, my deadlines are my own, which is v cool. I submitted a proposal last week for telescope time at Gemini North and will hear back by the end of the month as to whether it was accepted (but it should be; it was only 1.5 hours and 4 objects so I think we are in good shape). This is the first real analysis on my own astronomy data that I will get for my thesis project. I have been feeling as though I am just doing what everyone tells me to, and not really doing as much in astronomy because it’s data mining and some orbital projection of stars around the galaxy but someone else developed it, not me, and I have been worried that I really am not doing anything astronomy-related in a nutshell. BUT NOW I’M GONNA GET TO ANALYZE SPECTRA AND DERIVE RADIAL VELOCITIES OF MY STARS and it feels like real observational astronomy instead of working with datasets. Super excited. Hopefully we can trace out some streams from globular clusters and I can whip out a dope paper by 2020.

Secondly, THE CONFERENCES. I was able to go to CASCA in June which was in Montreal and I had never been before. That was a really fun time, especially for how casual it was. I had many many many problems with getting my poster there in one piece and not looking stupid and being able to articulate my project effectively. I didn’t really have a good way to explain my project until after I wrote the proposal last week. I guess that’s how to tell if you are missing components of the basics of researching something; if you can’t articulate it, you don’t understand enough about it. But now in October, I also get to go back to Strasbourg, France for a CFIS/UNIONS conference, at my old observatory where I was an intern AND GIVE MY FIRST TALK. My old supervisor and friends will be there. I am so stooooked. Plus, I’m taking a week off beforehand to be in Amsterdam and Cologne (since it’s also Oktoberfest ;) so I HAD to spend time in Germany). I have also convinced my supervisor to send me to Madrid, Spain for a Data Analysis course hosted from the ESA (European Space Agency = Europe NASA) who will be using Gaia data and machine learning for the tutorials and it’s just really really relevant for my studies. So excited.

The money part of it has been tough but I’m feeling really good about September. I am overcommitting hardcore planning all the aforementioned trips, plus we are moving on the 1st (because I won’t be here in October to help), and we need to pick a venue for our wedding in the fall of 2020. I also really need more results by September for my talk. But things are going at their own pace. I should be co-author and collaborator on 2 articles by next year and of course I will be writing my own by then. If I can keep pushing through August, it will be very rewarding. For now, I’m taking a lazy Sunday since it’s a holiday and I’ll be ready to get up and go by Monday.

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This user is a thicc thigh enthusiast

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Something that has always bothered me since it happened, is something my ex said about the appearance of another girl as she was happily minding her own business and having a great day.

He laughed at her wearing shorts, saying that it made her thighs jiggle. I suppose she wasn't a stick or anorexic like his idealization. He always wanted me to be skinnier. But it really fucked me up and I told him "But that's just what legs do...that's what MY legs do."

And of course he was an asshole and asked me why I had to make everything about me when he obviously wasn't talking about me blablabla. But seriously not only was it so unnecessary and hurtful and judgmental, but if that's what you say about other women, what is it you tell your friends about me?

I think about it every time I see my thighs jiggle in the mirror wearing shorts. And I think to myself, "fuck your ego you miserable, condescending, judgmental jackass; nobody fucking asked you, we are not here to serve your idea of a perfect beauty; you're a self-righteous prick and I don't need you to define me". But mostly I think about how much I hate thinking about him at all.

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I always find that when I'm in need of inspiration for organization and keeping my life together, tumblr is the place to be. But nothing like an astro seminar makes me feel motivated and interested in my field. I'm a little bored this summer without the weekly colloquia and collaboration with co-workers now that everyone is traveling.