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[astrolutelynot]

Quote of the day

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Realizing that people don’t owe me

what I think is a courtesy

of being there for me when I need it.

I feel so completely alone that no longer

is this poetry.

It’s a place to put the things

I’m too scared to say.

[astrolutelynot]

wait

until they’ve proven your fears

wrong or proven your fears

right,

because that’s half the ride,

the process,

to find out what’s real and what’s felt.

[astrolutelynot]

Oh no. Did i speak too openly.

Did i talk to loudly.

Did I express my frustration

over something i’ve endured

for months without aid or company?

or a friendly ear. Not a one

and now I have

and i’m afraid

too loudly i wailed

for when it hurts i cry

and when I’m done, I’d rather die

than live

knowing you saw me

unsheathed.

but for a moment it was glorious

that sweet release.

[astrolutelynot]

Just because someone cries louder doesn’t mean they’re the only ones hurting.

[astrolutelynot]

Why is she being unapologetic about that

How would she even begin to be apologetic about literally 1.) Her birthplace 2.) Her current residence 3.) having kids

Like bro unapologetically FOR WHAT REASON.

That’s just like who she is!!

WhO is asking her to apologize about these things?

Being unapologetically flamboyant

unapologetically loud

unapologetically sensitive

These all make sense because they actually make sense??? Like I understand that she ticks off a lot of boxes on the marginalized list and it is rare to see someone with her specific gimmick in comedy but that’s no reason to use the word “unapologetically” like bro.

Empowering words used in dumb contexts with no sense or logic is such a thing now.

Like hey look at that white guy being unapologetically lightly sun burned like bro logic HwHere

[astrolutelynot]

I should have slept when I had the chance.

[astrolutelynot]

No is a single word

so hard to speak

especially when you’re face to face

with someone in need.

No is a single phrase

the sentiment unique

but I keep on finding other words

the same thing they almost mean.

No is not a word I know

several days a week

but I know I can’t go on and on

until this mission I complete.

[astrolutelynot]

“Nobody will help you unless you ask”

OKAY BUT THAT’S THE HARDEST PART.

“Nobody can see your suffering if you hide it so well”

I DONT KNOW ANY OTHER WAY.

I ONLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE MY FEELINGS MY PROBLEM. NOBODY ELSE’S.

TALK TO MY PARENTS BITCH.

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[astrolutelynot]

I got so angry

when a white man once said

“Your culture is backwards and you

ride elephants to school and you don’t have shoes”

It filled me with a rage of a revolution

where we fought for our freedom

and rebuilt our homes in their image.

I am filled with a rage

or well at least a disdain

when I see us depicted in movies and screens

in turbans and accents and gods, just

this.

Just this?

Bas?

I come from a land where we worship the earth,

We make gods out of creatures and we seek

wisdom in the whispers

of giant trees and a gentle breeze,

with art and music and philosophy and sciences

that they’d never heard

that they’ve never seen

or well that’s what we were,

before they came and told us

“Is this all you are?”

Over a 1000 languages, over a billion people,

different styles of clothing and foods and medicines,

How can a culture so vast never be enough?

How can one person make me feel so small?

That I abandon my self, my past, my people

to prove to some white guy

“We are just like you!”

to make a point that

look we left everything

we learned from the earth and built over eons

we’ll leave it in seconds if you tell me my worth.

And then I think

Of course in my land, insecurity is an epidemic.

We fight and we claw away at everything that we are,

to barely squeeze in to their suffocating mold

of what we should be.

Of course I abandon myself in the love I give

to others hoping I hear that I’m enough

as my mother did, as did her mother,

and her mother before her.

but what gives me solace,

is that somewhere down that line of my past

there was a girl,

She knew her beauty in her feet bare and grounded

her hands red and brown, her hair wild and untamed,

Her name a unique sound

hard to pronounce because we

are not made

to fit in your mouth.

[astrolutelynot]

[astrolutelynot]

i love how we pick up habits and phrases and songs from people we love and it sticks with us for so long it becomes a piece of us making us a museum of all the people we've ever loved

[astrolutelynot]

the person that you could’ve been or the life you could’ve lived isn’t real. it’s an illusion and a fantasy that only exists in your head. all you have is here and now

[astrolutelynot]

unfortunately it appears that i'm some kind of insane person

[astrolutelynot]

Oops I chose destruction today.

The struggle when you know the satisfaction of being destructive but you know better than to give in to that urge.

All you really wants is for someone to give a flying fuck about you, and nobody listens when you’re being kind or logical or asking for help.

They only give you attention when you’re being loud and insane and you’re burning everything in your path.

But that’s not who you want to be anymore; you don’t want to be awful just to get your family to listen to you or support you or be on your side.

And so you’ll go to your room and take care of yourself and be on your side because nobody else will.

[astrolutelynot]

Pick a Card Reading: What You Need to Hear Right Now?

Checking in with the Universe to see what you need to hear right now to find comfort, answers or help in some way.

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PILE 1

There is a new love opportunity coming through for you that feels too good to be true - and it is. There is someone coming into your love life that is going to seem like the perfect person for you. They will seem like they are hardworking and have abundant finances but it is all false. This person will eventually and slowly switch the tables on you and you will end up carrying all of their burdens until you go broke.

Advice: Don’t allow your desire for a relationship make you jump into one that will be harmful to you. Take some space, and focus on healing your inner child for now. This situation is coming into your life to test you and see if you will pick yourself. Will you?

Channeled song:

PILE 2

You are experiencing some kind of conflict with an authority figure or someone in charge, this is something that tests your patience and the advice that is coming through is stay strong and keep pushing through with your responsibilities and tasks and your life in general, the illusions that are keeping this person safe for now will end very soon and their true colours will be revealed. Be patient, stay strong.

Advice: Focus on doing some healing for yourself, try lighting a lavender candle and sprinkle a little lavender and chamomile on it. If you are struggling with anxiety, insomnia or stress; while the candle is melting, take some lavender and chamomile in 1 liter of water and boil it until the water is half. Strain the plant matter and then drink as much of the brew as is needed and store the rest.

Channeled Song:

Pile 3

You are on the verge of creating something that will bring you a lot of financial abundance. There is a spark of inspiration within you, some kind of idea that will make you feel fulfilled and abundant but there is something holding you back, you are currently sabotaging yourself by believing that you need to “feel ready” before you take this step, but you need to understand life is never going to stop moving forward, things will keep happening, you need to take this dream and turn it into a reality.

Advice: Do not let your anxiety and worries get in the way of you creating something beautiful. Don’t stay stuck in one spot thinking about how good it will be when you eventually get ready to start working on this, start now.

Channeled Song:

Pile 4

You are currently experiencing a lot of grief and sadness, there is someone who you had a lot of love and care for that betrayed your trust recently and it’s got you feeling down. Your mind is constantly creating fears and false beliefs about yourself, but it is time to instead turn the table on your mind and try and build beautiful possibilities for what might come your way, because there is a much more reliable and abundant person coming your way soon, they might not be as emotionally vulnerable but they will make sure you feel taken care of and will prioritize you. The person who caused you pain in the past needed to be released so you could arrive here.

Advice: It’s time to put down the illusions and fears and make plans with your friends and have a fun time. You need to remember what it feels like to be happy and free and have the whole world of possibility be at your fingertips. Light a pink candle, order all your favorite foods and do a hair-care, skin-care routine at home to boost your mood.

Channeled Song: