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You’re the last thing I think about at night. I usually fall asleep pretty happy

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follow for more :)

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I haven't updated my Tumblr in a while but me and that fellow got together. Turns out hes in love with me too. We’re happier than ever and i don’t ever want to lose him

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I Fucked Up

I fucked up. I started talking to this guy and after about a week of us talking his best friend started to message me as well. I talked to them separately pretty much all day everyday. I went away to see my brother graduate and the best friend asked me out, now just so you know I never get much attention from guys so obviously I would say yes because he was the better looking one, anyway after i came home we met up for the first fucking time and things were going smooth. We were going out for about half a month and I went to his house. My parents found out we were dating because some bitch at my school seen the two of us walking around together at school before we started dating and spread rumors. Still hate that ass crack. So i met his parents and whatnot and we stayed in his room with the door open and were kissing as normal couples do while watching Family Guy on Netflix. So he started making out and then things got fucking weird. He started trying to put his hands down my pants and up my shirt, I told him no and that I wasn’t ready for any of this stuff because I was only 13. He said he understood but the next few times I went to his house the same stuff happened except he started getting mad at me because I ‘wouldn't let him do anything’. This really upset me so I got my mom to pick me up early, I never told her why I wanted to come home I just said that his parents were leaving soon. Our 1 month anniversary hit and he gave me a Charmed Aroma candle that had a ring inside. I spent all day melting the wax and eventually got the ring out and it was SO pretty. i loved it so much and it was the perfect fit. So that’s what I wore for a while. Nothing that interesting happened in the next week so I’ll just skip over it. My brother had moved to Manitoba and I have a really close relationship with him and just writing this section makes me cry because I miss him so much. We now live 3000km apart and I only get to see him once or twice a year now. So i went to go visit him in late July and was staying for 11 days. I told my boyfriend this and he said it doesn't matter to him as long as he got to see me before I left, and I told him it wasn't a problem because I didn't think it was at the time being. But I mentioned it to my mother and father and they said I wouldn't have time and that it would fuck everything up because my brothers girlfriend wanted to got to bed early so she could have enough sleep for the flight in the morning. So I told my boyfriend the news and he flipped the fuck out at me because id be gone for 11 days and I wouldn't get to see him (I had seen him 3 days before I left). This really set me off so I just didn't message him so he and my best friend had a nice chat with him while I called my boyfriends best friend and talked to him because he wanted to make sure I was okay. So he ended up getting pretty upset at my boyfriend because there was no need of him getting on the way he did. So I didn't end up going to his house and he starting crawling up my ass apologizing to me. Once I got to Manitoba and we stared messaging again and he’d ALWAYS bring sex into it. So I video chatted my best friend and she told me that I should talk to him and let him know how I felt. I didn't want to do it over text because that’s just not right but I’m also too awkward in person, and besides, if that’s what he wants and nothing will change that and I really hate changing people to fit them to my needs. I decided not to talk to him and let things play through for a bit and see how they went.. but then something else came up and my brother wanted me to stay for another while. I had gone up on the 27th of June and was supposed to leave on the 6th of September but i stayed until the 19th instead. My boyfriend said he was okay with it and if its what i want to do its fine. i obviously didn’t believe him so i asked if he was sure and he said “of course not” then we got into a big ass fight and at that point I was done with him. I understand that he’d miss me and that it’d be almost a month but still, there”s no need of him getting on like that at me when I didn’t no anything wrong. I video called my friend and i wanted a straight answer of what I should do. She told me that it’d be best if I broke up with him so that we’d both be happier and less stressed out. So I started messaging him and was saying that I had some thoughts over the past few days and he knew immediately what I was talking about. He went off saying shit like “please baby no I didn’t know” “please don’t do this” “why are you doing this” “I don’t understand”. Then I told him that I didn't want to but I had to because it’d be best for both of us. He didn’t understand how because he’s a thick skulled son of a bitch and only wanted me for skin. But that’s besides the point. We talked for a while, he sent me videos of him crying, i mean yes I did feel bad but it was the best decision because it was not a healthy relationship. So I finally got it through his head that we were over. He wanted to call me so he could say what he always does after someone breaks up with him “I might be the one hanging up, but you’re the one walking away’ a) he got that from a movie and b) that is the cringiest shit I've heard. After I broke up with him he decided to tell me that the ring that came in the candle was actually a fucking promise ring... I’M 13 FUCKING YEARS OLD WTAF?! But his friend would always message me and make sure I was okay, and I was perfectly fine because i was over the relationship before it even ended. That tells you how done I was with him. Anyways, his friend is the best guy I know, he’s sweet, caring, very funny, and overall just a great guy that actually treats people with respect. I had feelings for this guy after we were talking for a little while, and I've never lost those feelings, I just didn’t admit to them. Just a few days ago I told him that I had a dream that me and the guy I liked were dating and I told this guy that. He begged me and begged me to tell him who I liked. He eventually told me something that he said was irrelevant, but he said that he used to like me back when we first started talking. This killed me inside because I still liked him but only told him that I used to like him as well. When i got home from shopping he wanted me to give him hints so I said that he knew everything about this guy (seeing how it was him) and that he was otg with someone. He had no idea who tf I was talking about. Then he clued in and guessed himself so i confirmed it while bawling because we’re really close friends and I didn’t want to fuck anything up. He said he would have liked to know a few months earlier because things would have worked out, but he said that he thought it was cute as well. This also killed me inside. He was sick so he wouldn’t be in school the next day so it kinda worked out for me because I would not have been mentally stable enough to face him after telling him that, at least not the day after. I stressed myself out so much that when I walked through he doors of my school huge wave of anxiety and stress just hit me and I started overthinking and made myself so stomach sick and queasy that I had to go home. I talked to him about how I was feeling afterwards and he blamed it on himself but it definitely was not his fault. I made that clear to him. We started talking as we normally did like nothing had happened but he’d ask me if I was okay and stuff every now and then. We both went to school the next day and I felt so anxious because I was still scared to see him thinking it would be awkward asf. I was anxious at least 3-5 times every hour. It was hell. I went outside with him at recess along with my best friend and it was like it always was, as if we were best friends. It was great and i shouldn't have been worrying about it. The point of this whole story is that I shouldn't have went with the guy i did and I regret it. My life would have been so much better and happier, and not to mention that I’m in love with him and got him with the chick he’s otg with. Rest in peace me :D