astrowonder98

[astrowonder98]

Patreon 2023

Like what I draw or make? There's a Patreon for that.

[astrowonder98]

Where have I been?

I've been resting in my house for the most part. But in September, life decided to force my hand a little. I no longer have a job. Actually, this has been the first time that in my life I never been at school learning or working at a job.

I never really thought about what would happen if I ever got to this point, so it's left me very lost. And all I've really been doing in the past month since I was let go was clean up my TV show, book, video game and movie backlog in an attempt to keep myself busy and not have to think about anything else. And even then that hasn't really worked.

No one, not even my parents and moral guardians, have ever prepared me for this.

The part-time job is now a wash. So much for that.

Still no one asking for me to come work for them, and I really don't want to start begging. It's embarrassing.

No longer in therapy, and while my negative thoughts have been getting smaller. Positive thoughts have not been getting larger in turn. So now I'm less depressed and more bored.

My want to make creative art comes and goes.

I'm going where my mind takes me now, which is better than forcing things to get done. So at least there's that, I guess.

Maybe I'll post something else when I feel like it. Not today though. I just want to make this post today and throw my bottle of thoughts into the public pond. All of us have these moments, and I'm sure some of you have too, and just not willing to be open about it on a tumblr wall of text. That's fine. But with this I hope it help in showing that people can have highs and lows. It's what makes us human.

Cheers.

Erin Strouder (HeyStrouder/AstroWonder98)

[astrowonder98]

[astrowonder98]

Update: August 8th 2023

It's been a while since I had posted anywhere on the web. I just want people to know that I'm not sick, or dead. I've just been working on things behind the canvas and busy getting my real life in order. I'm 25 now and I need to figure out what I'm going to do with myself. It feels really hard to answer that question with each and every day. There are times where I just want to crawl into a corner, play games and not have to worry about living a life. But one of these days I'll have to come to hard choices... I just don't like facing them.

Anyway, I'm just posting to show I'm still alive. I'll keep you posted next month at the very latest.

[astrowonder98]

Tails the Detective

Date Drawn: July 9th, 2023

[astrowonder98]

Tails - Thinking

Drawn on July 8th, 2023

[astrowonder98]

Flying High

One more Barry art for the road.

Tomorrow is my 25th birthday.

[astrowonder98]

Barry and Tails

Little fun drawing of two good friends.

[astrowonder98]

It's Summertime on the Emerald Coast

As we in the United States enjoy our July 4th holiday, here's another Sonic piece. Big the Cat and Barry the Quokka enjoying the summer on the Emerald Coast.

Good night everyone.

[astrowonder98]

Turning 25, and about time for a quarter-life crisis.

What a mess social media has found itself in. Facebook and Twitter are either seen as a joke or in disrepair, Places like DeviantART want to experiment with AI art and it has hindered the site, and no one is in a prime position to take over and be the new place we can all hang out. The internet is going though a major painful metamorphosis and I am not sure how to feel about it... cause who the heck knows the result? Not me!

It's probably a fitting time as ever. This month will mark the big 25 (specifically July 7th, give Ringo Starr my birthday cheer, too.) and I have been doing a lot of thinking in my life about what I want to do and how I can do it while still being able to survive. And the honest to goodness fact is that I haven't come up with any answers, at least not any good answers that I can work with.

I'm going to try and make my thoughts on what is going on with me as simple as possible.

I've worked in the same dead end part-time job for the past two years. It's above minimum wage, sure, but it's not a living wage either. It's also a highly physical job. Most of the time I'm in the parking lot outside. In the burning sun. Lifting heavy objects and pushing carts. Despite it being part-time, I feel wiped out after the fact and not want to do anything else. This has frustrated people who wonder why this can possibly happen (my workplace and a couple of my close family.) The only reason I am still here at this point is because I need the healthcare.

In spite of a degree in Computer Science, virtually every application sent with using it in mind has never been acted upon, not even getting to the interview phase. Just rejected. What's ironic is that applications sent to other retail places have gotten quick responses back. People look at my resume with my degree and see more readily a sales representative than a software developer and it doesn't make me feel great...

All of this culminates in coming back home without feeling a thing. Completely emotionless. I'm in therapy for this, but it's been a slow progress to get to this point. And unless I do something drastic I might be stuck in a loop for a while longer, which stinks.

It was a mistake thinking that making art and creating stuff for people to enjoy would do anything to change that and hoping, somehow, it could turn into an actual career. I really held out hope in this avenue but have now reached a conclusion that it will just be nothing more than a hobby I do on the side. The fact that any original material (Always Lagging Behind, Rocket Board, and other original character art) I've created has gotten less attention and praise than fanart does not help in me reaching this conclusion (especially with my involvement in Pokemon Mystery Dungeons and Dragons: Dark Heroes.)

By extension, I accidentally made things I like to do for fun or should be relaxing as work I must do, and that's just not good for my mind, let alone anyone's mind. It's probably why I don't feel happy when trying to relax and try to enjoy things, but it also might be more complicated than that...

All of this has made me reach this conclusion: I need to make a change immediately. There are a number of things I'll be doing, but here are three things that are relevant to the internet world specifically:

Howie's Convenience - Clean Up After Yourself! will continue as I planned before making this... post? monologue? snapping point? I'll let you pick. I will pick the voices for the characters in late July, record with the cast, and then animate the thing whenever I get a chance to do so when I'm not doing whatever I can do get myself out of this hole I dug.

I'm now only going to use social media to post things I want to post. That's it. No looking at what everyone else is doing and liking and sharing.

Twitter and YouTube are now considered cold turkeys. YouTube will only be used for when I'm uploading something to the site. My Twitter accounts will just not be used altogether and will be closed July 31st.

I know those of you who care about what I do might find it very sudden. It honestly is. I have a bad habit of putting things off on most days and then somehow finding the will in me to actually make a drastic step to change my life. With how I worded some of this stuff, you might come to the conclusion that I hate my audience or other people for just liking what they do and they don't match up with what I want them to like. I do not. I hate myself for even wanting to humor that notion. It's not my fault people just have different tastes and likes. It just means I should just keep drawing what I like in that moment and be proud of what I make.

I'll keep posting here on Tumblr to keep you updated on that Howie's Convenience project I've only just now told you about on this site (another bad habit) but for the most part, consider this post as me acknowledging the mistakes I've made and doing what I can to get out of it.

I'll be seeing you around.

Erin Strouder (HeyStrouder/AstroWonder98)

[astrowonder98]

🐦‍⬛ Hello?

🦝 Hum?

🐦‍⬛ What are you doing there?

🦝 I'm waiting for someone.

🐦‍⬛ What a coincidence. I have to meet with someone here too.

🦝 There's no one else but me here for now.

🐦‍⬛ I'll have to wait for that someone here too then.

🦝 We can wait together.

[astrowonder98]

Quick aside, how do you guys post everyday hourly without running out of what to say? ... do you all just speak what's on your mind no matter what?

[astrowonder98]

'Barry' the Quokka

Date Drawn: July 1st, 2023

[astrowonder98]

Fanart of a Character - On Model / Your Style Art Challenge - Big the Cat

Decided to draw Big the Cat for an art challenge going on. How does he look?

[astrowonder98]

New Design Mania

I drew a lot of characters to make their designs more... creative and original. These drawings were drawn over May and June. Actually, half of them were drawn just today because all the stars and planets aligned to actually let me focus.

Get ready for a big gallery of them all at once, and I won't apologize!

[astrowonder98]

Barry Reads - May 27th, 2023