atandromedas

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

There was a slight shift, a small imperceptible thing, that he wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t been so intimately familiar with every little quirk of hers, if he hadn’t spent years watching closely, memorizing every beautiful detail of the way she moved, the way her expression changed. Ted frowned slightly at the change, wondering what was on her mind, but having a good guess. The cloud that loomed so constantly over their heads, the danger, the knowledge that their small forever could so easily be broken because of the hatred in the world, no matter how much they both fought. “And you’re all the sense I have,” he said quietly with a hum of silent agreement, voice falling a little more serious to mirror hers. 

He hated that they had to think like that so often, that the smallest moment could turn grave, but he was also infinitely grateful to even have the chance to be with her now, to build their family, to have the immeasurable love and joy they did have together, no matter what the outside was like. And to think that being open and together could mean something to someone else just made him feel even more grateful for what they had found. More grateful for Andromeda’s courage. Even through the pain and the difficulties they had faced, that she had faced, there was so much to be grateful for, and now that the choice had been made, he couldn’t imagine risking all of that even more for something that they didn’t need to risk, when they had spent so long making their choices carefully, doing what they wanted, with the risks they had to take. He knew that no matter what they did, they would persevere, but thinking of the baby, and how things seemed to be growing darker every day, it was time to be selfish again, at least a little. He wanted years and years and years to come with his family, and nothing less.

“Maybe it would’ve made it easier,” he said thoughtfully. As she moved to be closer to him, he put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer, savoring the feeling of closeness, the way she fit so perfectly against him. “But I’m glad it happened how it did. You know, not glad for everything you’ve suffered through, not glad about the way your family feels, but I’m glad that it was wholly your choice. Your decision. And I’m glad for what we went through, because it only made us stronger together.” He understood that wonder, and he also understood the question of what was the best course of action for them if they did want to help by being open. Now, though, having talked through things, it all felt a little clearer to Ted, at least for the moment. They would have to find their place in things, but the time to do that wasn’t tonight, after so much had happened to both of them already today, or perhaps even just now at all. “I think even just being together out in the open is statement enough for now. Walking down Diagon Alley holding hands, being us without being afraid. Right now, I don’t think we need any grand speeches or displays. Being who we are is radical enough.”

Andromeda’s smile made him smile, just as pleased with the whole idea of Edgar as godparent to their child, as with seeing her smile after so many heavy thoughts. “I think he’d love to. And can you imagine those big arms holding our tiny baby? He’ll protect them from anything that could come, just as well as either of us,” Ted smiled fondly at the thought, such a beautiful image in his mind. If there was one thing he knew for sure, it was that their child would grow up surrounded by love, not just theirs, but their friends’, and that would be more than enough to keep them safe. “Maybe we can have him over for dinner to tell him the news, and ask him as well. Any excuse to give you a proper roast, after all.”

It was all a very Ted thing to say, but as he typically was in matters of the heart, he was right. Andromeda supposed the cliche was true; their trials and tribulations had strengthened their relationship. She liked to think their story would have ended together regardless of the journey it took to get there. He was one of the only people who could leave her seriously entertaining the idea of fate, much less something akin to a soulmate. It was impossible to fathom life without him in it. “You’re right, as per usual,” she agreed with a small sigh. “I guess my only regret is all the time we wasted. Well, ‘wasted’ isn’t a good word because it all meant something in the end, but I was afraid to be in this at the start. We could’ve had more time being happy together if the cards played out differently.” She shrugged; talking hypothetically was now just for the sake of narrating her thoughts rather than being productive to their initial conversation. “Anyway, I’d support you regardless of what you wanted and how you wanted to help, you know that, but honestly I’ll worry much less if we’re just existing to show our support.” The final sentiment contained the lilt of a joke, though it was more honest than anything else. 

The image Ted had conjured quickly materialized. She could picture it, Edgar cradling an infant, his bulk a stark contrast to a delicate newborn. Andromeda had been picturing a baby more often now than she had in the beginning now that some of her initial fears had subsided; each time, she could only see a tiny version of Ted, all blue eyes and blonde hair. In the light of her more somber thoughts, it suddenly seemed appropriate to make plans like this. Securing people to look after their child should something happen, to make sure they were loved and protected. “You had me at roast. I was craving that something awful last night.” 

Protection triggered another thought, one she supposed had been lingering on the outskirts of her mind for a few weeks now. In the brief moments after she’d owled Narcissa and realized the potential gravity of her actions, the idea of moving had returned stronger than ever. Being in London was a risk. It made her feel like they were more accessible to danger, even if the risk was technically about the same given the protective enchantments they had around the flat. Once upon a time her sisters had slept over. Her mother and father had stepped foot in her kitchen, eyeing the quaint space with disdain. Not only did they know exactly where they lived, but their influence had touched the space, making it feel tainted in a way Andromeda couldn’t explain no matter how much of her love for Ted had filled it since.

She was frowning when she straightened, lifting her head from his shoulder so that she could look at him properly. “I was thinking about this after I owled Narcissa.” Her tone was careful, unsure what his reaction would be. “On the subject of making plans, safety...all of it. They know exactly where we are. Not to mention...I think you and I both have agreed that this isn’t the sort of place we want to live for the long-term. A baby on the way complicates things, and really it doesn’t make any sense to move right now, not with money and work and just me being pregnant and everything else we have to sort out. Just thinking about moving makes me sweat. But...” she trailed off, pausing for a moment before continuing, “what do you think about it? Moving?”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

He smiled a little bashfully at her words. Maybe he was sentimental, always ready to say whatever was on the top of his mind, even if it was something sappy or overly poetic for the moment, but he was glad to be able to be so open. And Andromeda just made him feel all of that a thousand times more intensely than he had before they had met. He had known from the first night they spent talking for hours that she was always going to make him feel poetry. “You make it easy, Dromeda. I’d redo our vows every single day if I could, just to remind you how much you mean to me. But I reckon it’ll get tiresome eventually. You’ll long for some sense after fifty years of listening to my metaphorical shite everyday, just you wait,” he teased with a small laugh. “I’m glad you understand, though. Think we’d’ve had problems before now if you didn’t.”

In a way, it felt like a grand realization, to suddenly think that maybe just existing and living openly as they were was an act of radicalism. But it really was, even if neither of them had been thinking like that before. The idea that their own private love could spread love to others, just by being who they were, made him feel hopeful. It wasn’t exactly what Edgar had been asking of him, but peaceful protest was just as important as active fighting, he’d always believed. The strength that they shared together had done so much for both of them, to help build their own family, their own little place in the world separate from the toxicity, but it was possible that it could help others, too. Perhaps it was a bit self-righteous, to think so grandly of their relationship, but when he thought of what it would’ve been like to see a couple like themself when they were younger, he was certain that it could help even just one person to realize they could be free, and be who they wanted, despite family or blood or anything else.

“Just sort of important,” he nodded, a soft smile on his lips.“I know. Honestly, I’ve been so wrapped up in our own private world, I’ve forgotten a little to think about everything else. But can you imagine what it might mean to a couple of sixth years meeting together in private, knowing how much they love each other, but wondering it anything out in the open would ever be possible because of their blood? Can you imagine what it might’ve been like for us to have seen a couple like ourselves building a life openly, starting a family together, even despite the challenges? Maybe we’ll be that for someone. We’re lucky that it’s been as smooth as it is, even if it hasn’t felt like it. And now we have the chance to help other people, just by existing together, with our child.” He leaned into her touch lightly, one of his own hands moving to her knee, thumb brushing over it fondly.

Now that they had come up with a decision, it felt easier to relax into things, and be glad that they were both sitting here, able to talk about it all so freely together. There was not one moment he wouldn’t be grateful for what Andromeda gave him, the understanding, the acceptance. “It’s healthy to have an existential crisis every now and then, I think,” he joked. But his eyes lit up in a different way as she went on, a wave of emotion washing over him at the whole idea. “Really? That would be…Dromeda, that would be amazing, to ask Edgar to be our child’s godfather. He’d be amazing, watching out for them, teaching them, helping to raise them. It’s a special thing. And it would mean a lot to have other people be a part of this in that way,” he squeezed her knee, unable to hide how much the idea meant to him.

On the other hand, to Andromeda fifty years of listening to Ted’s ‘shite’ sounded like heaven. It nearly made her sad to think about; once she would have never imagined such a life committed to another person, loving Ted like she did, and now she wondered if such a thing would slip through their fingers before they knew it. She would undergo every obstacle they’d overcome in the past a thousand times over if it meant they could still have the long life they deserved. The world they lived in was dangerous. The sudden pang of sadness surprised her considering they’d just been joking. “I’d never long for such a thing. You’re all the sense I need,” she assured him, slightly more serious than she’d been minutes ago. 

Still, some things were worth the risk. Their entire marriage was worth the risk. As suddenly relieved as she was that Ted had chosen not to take Edgar up on his offer (even if she wouldn’t have stopped him from doing so), loving him regardless of the danger they faced was certainly something she felt capable of doing. Realistically, Andromeda couldn’t help but doubt that there were students sneaking around just like they had been  — maybe it was pessimistic, but social norms always had a way of keeping people apart, sorting them into their designated categories. She couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different for them had she embraced their relationship sooner. It could have meant more time being properly together. Every minute felt like it counted. Imagining their fate caught between her sister’s pale, slender fingers was enough to shift her perspective.

“I wonder if it would’ve been different,” she thought aloud. “If we’d seen people like us together. Even if it wasn’t together, together, but just...friends, or acquaintances. If I would’ve left sooner.” Remembering that wasn’t the point Ted had been getting at, she added, “But you’re right.” The warmth of his palm against her knee was comforting, and with the sudden need to be closer to him her hand slid from the nape of his neck to rest on the opposite shoulder. With her arm now fully around him, she rested the side of her cheek against his shoulder. If she listened closely enough she could hear his heartbeat thrumming faintly against her ear. Sometimes it felt like the honeymoon phase had never left her. Since she’d found out she was pregnant, she’d found herself seeking him out for physical affection often, and not even in a sexual way as much as wanting to be close. “I can’t decide if it’s better to be talked about or not. On one hand, it’s a bit scary because of the consequences, but on the other it’s worth being talked about if it helps build someone else up, right?” Toeing the line between a selfish desire for safety and being a symbol for some greater good. It was fitting for them. 

Attuned enough to Ted to notice, the emotional catch in his voice unearthed just how much Edgar as a godfather seemed to mean to him. Though Andromeda certainly hadn’t been flippant when introducing the subject, she hadn’t expected Ted to react any further than just agreeing. She wondered if it was her lack of familiarity with the role, his affinity for sentiment, or both. Probably both. Still, it was impossible for her not to smile as he squeezed her knee. “Sure, why not? He’s been a good friend to you, to both of us. I’d love for him to be involved with our family even more than he already is. Do you think he’d want to?”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

He smiled softly as her hand moved from his own to his neck, the light kiss she pressed to his shoulder only making the smile grow. That was the thing that he had to always remember. No matter what hardships they were facing, they were together. Despite it all, they had made it this far, and he was certain that nothing was going to change that now. They had already fought too hard to be open and in love, he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have to take that back now and run, especially with how things were going. Everyone needed their friends and found families more than ever; everyone needed to see that a love like theirs was possible even in the face of such hatred. And selfishly, Ted couldn’t imagine being quiet about his feelings for her any longer, now that it was all out in the open after hiding for so long. “I don’t think we are, either. How can I not tell the world how much you mean to me? I always hoped to find something as beautiful and pure as what we have, but I never expected to find it so soon; I can’t keep it quiet, now, or ever,” he agreed. Even on their own, it wasn’t the sort of thing either of them were made to do, and together it was even less in the cards. Like she said, even for a short time it wouldn’t feel right.

There might come a time when they would need to do exactly what they had talked about and agreed against before, when it would be best to move far, far away, to leave everything behind for their family’s safety, but that time wasn’t now. They had only just started their life together as a married couple, and, yes, even if their family was expanding sooner than expected, he couldn’t justify running away, not when they hadn’t run at anything before, even if they weren’t going to stay and fight in the same way as the others. There was more to it than the fighting, after all, than accepting a job with the Order to try and help them. In a way, even just being there, being open about who they were together, and having a family together was resistance. How could it not be when Andromeda came from a family who believed he was lesser because of his own parents? Their love was radical, and act of defiance, but a beautiful one proving just how much life could offer if you were open and caring of all people.

Perhaps that was all a way of justifying not taking Edgar up on the offer, but it was truth, he felt it in his heart. And helping even a little with the cause would be more than he had offered thus far, even if he wasn’t doing anything quite as intense as what the original offer had been. It was a relief in a way, to come to the conclusion with her help, and to know that he didn’t need to feel guilty for going his own way, for doing what was best for his family’s safety, as well as his own happiness. “I know you would, Dromeda. Right now, though, you’ve got something a lot more important to focus on, I think. This is the right choice; we don’t need to worry about doing more than we can safely now, I don’t think. Honestly, in a way it feels like us having a family now could help. Me and you, together, it’s got to mean something to someone who was hesitant to help, or to speak up,” he nodded, a slight frown creasing his brow.

He grinned at that thought. “Nah, I’ve never been the suit and tie type, that’s for sure,” he laughed lightly, although his face grew more somber again as she went on. He knew she was right, as she usually was; Edgar wasn’t the type to get upset over something like that. He was his best friend, and he always understood Ted, better than most people besides Andromeda and his own family did, to be honest. It was hard not to worry about letting his mate down, though, when he knew how important the Order was to him. The idea of telling him about the baby, though, felt like a good compromise. He was well aware that it was too early to tell many people, but Edgar was as close as family, and he would understand even better where Ted was coming from if he offered the explanation. More than that, though, the thought of sharing the happy news with him was an exciting one, one that made his heart swell with warmth.  “Maybe I will tell him, if that’s alright with you. I think it might help to give him the real reason, and I’ve never been a great liar. Plus,” his frown slipped into a smile rather quickly, “Can you imagine how excited he’ll be to hear to news?”

Andromeda wondered if his easy proclamations of love would still continue to catch her by surprise when they were grey and old. Her relationship with him had left her unfurling, blossoming from past habits of emotional suppression and embracing what it meant to tell someone how much she cared for them. Much of that had to do with how openly he did so himself. Still, he had a way of making her feel like she was sixteen again, even now when it seemed like they’d aged decades in the past six months alone. “I don’t know how you do it,” she commented, the corners of her lips twitching upward. “Making everything sound like another wedding vow, sliding it into casual conversation. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. We’re going to be seventy someday, you’ll toss something around like ‘our love is beautiful and pure’ and it’ll still get me every time.” Refocusing on the subject itself, she added, “But I know what you mean and I agree.”

Their inherently different expressions of affection seemed to be the root of many of their discussions; it had honestly never occurred to Andromeda that them being openly together could serve as something helpful to the resistance efforts. She had always cared that Ted know and understand how she felt at all times; the knowledge of the masses was an afterthought. Whereas he wanted to spread love to everything he touched, she still caught herself pouring her thoughts and feelings into her relationship with Ted alone. Now that she thought about it, he had a point. The resilience of their relationship wasn’t only something that was important to Andromeda and her own separation from the dysfunctional Blacks. It was humbling to imagine that someone else might be similarly affected. She knew Ted was inspiring, seemingly so untouched by the cruelty of the world (even with the more vulnerable sides of him she’d born witness to). But Andromeda herself, them as a couple?

“I guess a baby is sort of important,” she half-joked. Despite the pregnancy having sunk in more thoroughly over the past few weeks, it still felt a bit unreal. “I never thought about it that way, though. That us existing in itself would be productive. I know our circumstances are the reasons we ended up where we are now and ultimately I wouldn’t change anything, but I think I’ve always romanticized how things could’ve been easier. That I hadn’t come from the family I did, that us being together wasn’t such a scandalous talking point. It’s...different to think of it is as being a positive.” Her fingers fiddled thoughtfully with the baby hairs curled at the nape of his neck. “It makes you wonder, though, doesn’t it? How many other people are victims of their situation and upbringing, who feel like they can’t live differently? I’ve always thought the stakes for us were high, but I’m sure it’s even worse for some. We’re lucky enough that my family wants so little to do with us now.” The one thing that had led her to contact Narcissa in the first place was, in reality, a blessing.

As serious as Ted was, she could still detect the shift in his demeanor — relief, maybe? Or eagerness? Keeping secrets had always been far easier for her than it was for him, and she knew it was difficult for him to withhold information he was bursting to tell. Especially if it was to his best friend. Their caution had been born from necessity, but she now trusted Edgar as much as Ted did. “Of course. I suppose we should have told him from the start; then, this whole existential crisis could have been avoided.” The latter sentiment was light-hearted. “Thrilled, I’m sure. I don’t know very much about...’godparents’, isn’t it? My sisters and I never had them growing up.” She shrugged — she knew it wasn’t an exclusively Muggle concept, but that it was more common and something Ted would have potentially experienced or was more familiar with. “But maybe Edgar would want to be a part of that, if we wanted to do it.”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

“Maybe, but I understand why you did it. I would’ve done the same. It’s only natural to want to reach out to family with everything that we’ve been dealing with lately. It’s like this could be the thing that makes her see the light, even just slightly,” he said, a frown creasing his brow to mirror hers. The squeeze of his hand in return eased it slightly, though. Part of him felt bad for not realizing just how much she was missing her sister. He took for granted what it was like to have his entire family just a letter or a floo trip away during the past few hectic months. Even in his attempts to be as attentive and attuned to Andromeda as he could, there were somethings that he could never fully understand, and in the haze of all the other worries, he had somehow forgotten to ask her how she was feeling about all of that. Perhaps it was for the best that she had sent the letter now, that she had had the chance to put some of those feelings into words, whatever the outcome. He always found that putting emotions to paper or to words helped.

Her words, and her insistence on focusing on the dilemma he had brought up made a small, fond smile cross his lips. Even in her own distress, still thinking of him. He had always thought that this was one of the reasons they worked so well together, they were both always considering the other, even in their own worries. They supported each other through every moment with ease that he didn’t see in every relationship he witnessed. Even in the face of so many dangers so constantly surrounding them just because of who they were, because of their love for each other. And so Ted knew that she was right, as she put his own feelings into words better than he could himself. “You’re right. No matter what we do, there will always be that danger. We haven’t let it make decisions for us before, why should we start now? Besides, I don’t think I could ever live quietly; I love you too much not to shout it from the rooftops everywhere we go,” he said, with a smile.

As always, she was able to paint such a clear picture, taking all of his messy, unorganized thoughts and feelings, and find a way to put them into something easier to swallow. When she laid it out like that, it all felt much more manageable of a decision. It still wasn’t easy, and either way, he was certain he would always feel like he might’ve been better off making the other choice, but she was right, the only way to decide would be to look deeper than the fear and the danger. He was silent for a moment, thinking on all of it, trying to organize his own thoughts for once before speaking. “As much as I want to help, and as much as I know we need the steady money, I’m not sure I can do it, Dromeda. Maybe I can find another way to help, something less dangerous, but something more up my alley. I don’t want to make a decision for sure in the moment, but it is hard for me to imagine putting on a tie every day for work,” he said, half-teasing, in an attempt to lighten the mood even slightly, make it all feel a little less bleak. “Surely there’s a way for me to be what our family needs, and offer something to the Order as well.”

He still wasn’t exactly certain of himself, knowing how tense the efforts of the Order were growing, how dire the situation was becoming. He wanted to help, but Andromeda was right, as she usually was, to do something out of obligation would never feel right to him, especially after living a life so thoroughly avoidant of letting himself become tied to things that he had no passion or love for. And although he was passionate about peace, and keeping the world safe for people like him, he had never been as good at the grand sort of thought, more content to focus on what he could touch, his family, his friends, their safety, his own contentment. He was always one to speech of useful selfishness, but perhaps before now it had been more of a justification than an actual explanation. In a time of such danger, though, selfishness was safety, and if the two went hand in hand it was hard to justify following obligation, no matter what good he may do.

Andromeda shrugged, knowing that Ted would have made a similar slip if their roles had been reversed. Despite having a completely healthy relationship with his family members, she’d guess he’d still retain that desire for a familial connection if the opposite were true. Plus, Ted was so deeply in-touch with his own emotions in a way that she never had been. Andromeda typically kept her own feelings in a tight reign, even if her grip had loosened with Ted’s influence. She disliked emotional vulnerability. Aside from a select few (with the most prominent of the bunch being Ted himself), she rarely advertised those parts of herself. It suddenly bothered her that she’d not only acted out of character, but that someone like her sister who hadn’t shown any inclination of acceptance in recent years would bear witness to her briefly vulnerable state. 

Still, he validated her feelings as he always did, and the surge of gratitude combined with the desire to alleviate his worries left her squeezing his fingers once more before pulling her hand away. She slid her arm instead to rest against his upper back, her fingers smoothing over his shirt before settling against the nape of his neck. “No,” she agreed. “Shouting from the rooftops is hardly living quietly.” Feeling another pang of fondness, she pressed a kiss to his shoulder, her thumb rubbing idly against the skin beneath the collar of his shirt. “I think we’ve done enough of the ‘living quietly’ thing to last a lifetime, anyway. Even if it was actually a short period of time. I don’t think either of us are built for that.” She’d meant what she’d said countless times before — she wouldn’t hesitate to drop everything they had built together and run if it meant keeping their growing family safe. But there was a thin line between shying at the first hint of a risk and making an executive decision in the face of a serious threat. In a lot of ways being with Ted had made Andromeda braver, and she wouldn’t want to hold Ted back from something he really wanted out of fear.

The quiet that settled between them was reflective. She respected it as such, letting Ted mull over the options as he so frequently did for her. When he finally broke the silence, the truly selfish bit of her felt a pang of relief; regardless of how fiercely Andromeda would support his choices and build him up, there was no denying that she would have worried after him often if he’d taken up the position. She merely nodded, her own expression thoughtful. “That’s fair. I’m sure Edgar could come up with something else. And for the record, I know I’ve been reluctant to be involved in the past, but I would help myself if needed.” That felt important to say. Since the subject had been discussed before, Andromeda hoped he knew her hesitancy was hardly out of lack of support for people like him as much as it stemmed for a dislike for violence. 

Again, the image of Ted preparing for a day of work came to mind, this time sharper — his face clean-shaven, combing his hair flat with a damp comb, unpracticed fingers straightening his tie in the bathroom mirror. His attempt at humor was successful, the thought making her smile. “It’s funny. Stereotypically, people swoon at the thought of their partners dressed up in a suit and tie every day. But I don’t think business casual would suit you quite as nicely.” Sensing his uncertainty and unsure if it was due to the decision itself or the thought of telling Edgar, she paused. “You could tell Edgar, if you wanted. About the baby. I know it’s early and we agreed we weren’t going to tell very many people, but I’m sure he’d understand where you were coming from if you explained it. Then again, he’d understand regardless. Like I said, I don’t think he’d consider you less than either way, so I wouldn’t worry too much about what he’ll think.”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

Ted put his cup of tea on the coffee table, and tried to settle back into his place on the couch, which was easier said than done. It felt like such a big decision, even though it should’ve been simple. He needed a steady job to help, and he really did want to help the cause, that should’ve been that. But he couldn’t not think about the risks he would be taking for them if he said yes. A Ministry job wasn’t the ideal, sure, but more than that actively working for the Order was an enormous step. It was committing to fighting, putting them all in danger for the chance do a bit of good. He understood why so many of his friends were doing just that, but none of them had a family to think of. There had to be a line somewhere, but he had no idea what it was.

“I don’t know, Dromeda, and maybe that’s the problem. I know I should want to do more, they’re fighting for people like me, for families like ours, you know? And I’m in a place where I could help, even if it’s doing something I wouldn’t necessarily do otherwise; I could help, while also helping us. It’s selfish for me to not do anything, but just being who we are is enough of a risk. And now that we’ve got a baby on the way…” he shook his head slightly, trying to suss out his own thoughts, and failing. It was all so complicated. “Maybe we can’t minimize our risk, but I can’t figure out if it’s worth it to increase it. We’ll figure it out together, I know we will, but it just seems so unclear right now.” He sighed, picking up his mug again, blowing on it for a second, before taking a sip. As she went on, though, a whole new world of concerns took over.

“You owled Narcissa…oh…” he trailed off, wide-eyed, unable to keep the shock from his face and voice. There were about a million different thoughts suddenly flying through his head, and he was having a lot of trouble deciding exactly the best way to react. It was a surprise, in some ways, that Andromeda had done it because it seemed like such a very Ted thing to do. If he had been in her position, he was certain he would’ve done the very same thing the moment they had gotten back from the honeymoon, only to immediately spiral worrying over what might happen. But Andromeda had never been as ruled by her emotions as he was, always the realistic, logical one of the two of them, weighing every decision with a concrete list of pros and cons, that was evidenced perfectly by the conversation about the Order and the job now. He understood why she would do it, though, especially just now. Emotions were running high; they had only just married, and were now coming to terms with starting a family all in one fell swoop, it made sense to want to reach out to the one person in her family who might still want to hear from her in the face of starting her own family. But taking the chance wasn’t normal Andromeda. Ted took in a breath and scooted a little closer to her.

“It has to be hard, not having her around for all of this. But maybe the letter will help a little. Who knows, maybe she’ll even owl back. I can only imagine she misses you as much as you miss her, even if she won’t admit it out loud. And if she tells everyone else… then maybe it’s for the best that we know,” Ted said, voice soft, the concern clear on his face, reaching over to take one of her hands from her knee. He brought it to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of her hand, squeezing lightly. 

They had spoken often about the prospect of being selfish throughout the entirety of their relationship, with most conversations revolving on Ted encouraging her to be selfish. It felt odd for their roles to be switched. Then again, participating in the war efforts took the selfish dilemma to an entirely new level. Ted was so good, so naturally compassionate and supportive that she could understand why he would be torn. It was easy enough for Andromeda to tell him not to involve himself in the Order; she wasn’t a muggleborn. As much as they had shared their lives with one another and as fully as she felt she understood him, she had never experienced firsthand what it was like to be considered less than due to blood. She feared for him, was terrified of the prospect of losing him and having to sort through being a parent on her own, but it was unfair to leave his sense of duty unacknowledged.

Everything about Ted’s demeanor —even as he sipped gingerly from his tea — was somber and distressed up until the subject of Narcissa was breached. The shock that flickered in his eyes was tangible. Though Andromeda knew how surprising it might have been for him, it felt far less unpredictable in her eyes that she’d finally caved after having thought about her family so frequently in the past few weeks; she supposed she hadn’t been as open about it to Ted as she should have, and maybe he really had no way of knowing. She took for granted the fact that they were often so in-sync with one another. It was easy to forget that Ted wasn’t actually a mind-reader, no matter how often he seemed to be otherwise. She hadn’t meant to tell him so quickly, so soon while they were knee-deep in the events that had transpired over the course of his day. What surprised her was the fact that he was suddenly so understanding. Just moments earlier she’d been realizing the gravity of the risk she’d taken, and he was trying to console her. Typical, maybe, but she was certain her surprise was just as obvious as his had been. Ted’s brushes with Narcissa had never been pleasant. He should have been annoyed with her.

With a frown, she gave a short shake of her head. “Whether it helps or not, it was still a stupid thing to do,” she commented. As determined as she was to carry on piecing together Ted’s solution, the warmth of his breath against her knuckles dulled the edges of her guilt and shame. It was intuitive to respond by squeezing his hand gently in return. “But we can talk about that in a minute. My point is that you have to look beneath that fear to sort out what you really want to do.” Ted had always been a strong advocate for making decisions courageously and not letting the fear of an indefinite future pull them in a specific direction. “Because realistically, unless we were to drop everything and move across the world, change our names and live quietly, we’re always going to be in danger just because of our history. If word doesn’t get out now that we’re going to be starting a family, it will soon.”

Examining his perspective with an unbiased lens was difficult when being catapulted with the worst case scenarios — instead of acknowledging them, she paused thoughtfully before continuing. “You said you should want to do more. I don’t think it’d be fair to yourself to commit to something just because you feel like you should. Speaking from experience, it won’t feel right if you throw yourself headfirst into this out of obligation. And I can almost guarantee Edgar didn’t ask you because he considers you less than for not helping. I reckon he might not have asked at all had he known about our situation, just because he wouldn’t have wanted to put you through the turmoil of choosing between us or humanity.” Her dark eyes studied him. “I guess the best way to sort out what to do is to strip away as many of the outside factors as possible to figure out how you really feel.”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

Her hand in his, warm and smaller and soft, was always a comfort, the sort of familiar beauty that he wasn’t sure he’d ever stop being in awe of. And now was no different. Despite the worry, the feeling of her hand, the little squeeze of acknowledgement, made him smile softly. It was just a reminder that whatever happened, they had each other, and as long as they were together, they could handle it. They had already handled so much, after all, they could keep going. “I always miss you, too,” Ted hummed with a little laugh, leaning forward to press another kiss to her forehead.

Neither of them had ever exactly thought about the issues that came with money before they ended up where they were. Andromeda, because of her own upbringing, and Ted because he was never really encouraged to worry about things as concrete and worldly as finances. His family wasn’t wealthy, but they had always been comfortable with no problems, and more than that, they had always been willing to help him. But this was different. Now they were starting a new family of their own, and Ted was well aware just how short he came up in that regard, especially considering his proclivity for jumping from job to job as he fancied when he got bored of the last one. He couldn’t help support a family like that, couldn’t raise a child on that sort of money. He had never thought of himself as steady in that way, the sort of have an office job, wear a suit to work, but if it meant he could keep everyone safe and cared for, he would do it.

But Andromeda realized the problem with what Edgar was offering even before he had a chance to bring it up. “I know, it’s like he somehow figured out that something else is up. I wouldn’t put it past him, to be honest. He always insisted he was shite at Divination, but he’s got the gift… yeah, though…it’s Order stuff,” he sighed, leaning back into the couch. “They need someone to get information without being suspected, and Edgar knows how much I bounce from job to job; said it wouldn’t be suspicious for me to change so suddenly, especially since we just got married, we need something more steady. And he’s right, after all, without even realizing how right he is. But, it’s the Order,” he said, shaking his head slightly. He knew that she was well aware of what he was implying just with that one word, because he knew that at least when they had last talked about it, she had felt the same. They were already in a dangerous enough position without the added danger of joining the Order, and now, it was even more of a dilemma. With a baby on the way, they had another life to worry about now, and Ted couldn’t even fathom putting their child in even more danger. It felt selfish, to join knowing Andromeda was pregnant. But before now, joining hadn’t meant the possibility of the sort of steadiness that Ted had never been good at achieving himself.

Before he could go on, the teapot started whistling for tea, and he got up, in need of something to distract his hands with for a moment, as if that might help even out his thoughts. He went about making the rest of the tea the muggle way, finding the act comforting in the face of confusion and uncertainty. “I don’t know what we should do, Dromeda. Sure, it’s not what I’d ever want to do on my own, but it’s steady, and it’s a real income, which Merlin knows we need. And I could do it for a while, I know I could. But it’s the Order,” he repeated, making his way back into the living room with tea in hand, as if saying it one more time would change things at all. He handed one mug to Dromeda, and sat down again, unable to keep another sigh from escaping his lips.

Ted didn’t need to elaborate on the subject of the Order any further; Andromeda understood. Before Ted, she hadn’t wanted anything to do with either side — pureblood elitism or resistance efforts — as she’d thought the conflict itself was nothing short of silly. Blood status, in her mind, didn’t matter. And she’d never been the sort to endorse violence. It hadn’t exactly been a safe space to express her innermost thoughts regarding the matter, and thus she’d resolved to remain neutral as long as she could, which in itself had been considered rebellious. The introduction of Ted into her life had been enough to challenge her stance on nearly everything, especially the war. How could she not want to fight for him? 

What her lingering hesitancy boiled down to was the risk. Their relationship, her dismissal from the Black family, their marriage — it all enlarged the preexisting targets on their backs. After having gone through so much already, Andromeda didn’t want to participate in something that could compromise Ted’s safety. She thought it was perhaps the most selfish decision she’d made, even moreso than being with Ted in the first place, especially with her cousin and so many of their friends being heavily involved in the Order. Still, it was a decision they’d both made together long ago. They’d both agreed they wanted to live quietly. She’d always wondered if Ted somehow itched to do more, if she was holding him back from doing what he truly wanted no matter how much he’d assured her otherwise. 

Considering a baby made matters more complicated. If money weren’t a factor, Andromeda would have expressed her concerns without hesitation. Being a mother terrified her plenty enough. Doing it alone was unthinkable. The income combined with the cause and the fact that the position could be covert added further conflict. She frowned, having lapsed into a thoughtful silence even after Ted had stepped away to the kitchen. His familiar clatters of tea-fixing served as background noise to her startling realization that their safety could already be compromised, given her earlier actions. Would it really matter of Ted took the job or not?

When he returned, pressing the mug between her hands, she returned back to reality. Looking at him seriously, she finally spoke. “If safety wasn’t a factor, would you do it?” she prompted. “Say we weren’t pregnant, maybe we weren’t even involved, and Edgar asked you to take a job for the Order. If you only had to consider taking a job you didn’t really like for a long-term commitment in order to help the greater good.” Forgetting the tea was freshly brewed, she took a sip only to scald her tongue. “Because here’s the thing — we always figure things out. If we’re worried about money, I’m sure we could figure out a way to supplement our income without you being miserable at a 9-5. On the other side of things, if you really wanted to help the cause, then we’d figure out how to let you do that as safely as possible.” She set the mug onto the coffee table to let it cool. Her palms were oddly clammy, either from Ted’s current dilemma or residual nerves from earlier. “At this point, I’m not sure if there’s much more we can do to minimize our risk. Our existence itself is risk enough. A baby even moreso. And,” she faltered slightly before continuing, “there’s a possibility that the other side will know we’re pregnant. Soon.” Restlessly, her hands smoothed over her bare knees. “I owled Narcissa today and I accidentally mentioned it. She might not tell, but she could. So...”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

After so many years spent building this life with Andromeda, so many years of learning every little detail, every habit and unconscious quirk she had, every love and dislike, Ted liked to think he was something of an expert in the art of Andromeda. But even so soon into the changes that came with pregnancy, he was now learning, again, that that wasn’t exactly the case. Already there were new habits to learn, new thoughts and wants, which he realized now he should’ve been expecting. Hell, he probably would have expected it, if they had been expecting this in the first place; but as it was, it was a learning experience for both of them in so many different ways. The thing was that no matter what changed, she was still always his Andromeda, and some telltale signs didn’t go away, even if the ways they appeared changed.

So even in his conflicted state, he could tell almost as soon as he looked at Andromeda that something was up. Sitting there, slouched on the couch with nothing, no book, no tea, no newspaper, as if she was just worrying there, made it pretty clear. What that something was, of course, remained unknown, but there was certainly something, and he wasn’t sure if the fact that she wasn’t immediately stopping him to let him know was a bad or a good sign. Either way, with the dilemma Edgar had presented fresh in his mind, he figured starting with that was for the best. And so he made his way over to the couch, leaning down to press a light kiss to her forehead, before truly launching into things. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t miss me,” he teased lightly, smiling down at her, half attempting to read just from her face what was on her mind, but to no avail. “It’s fine, though, everything’s fine… but Edgar and I got to talking… Maybe I should start some tea before getting into all of it. I think we’ll need it.”

Without waiting for a reply, Ted pulled his wand out, giving several waves to get the hot water started, mugs set out and waiting with teabags. He usually preferred to make tea, and most other things, the Muggle way, given his own love of any small food preparation, along with the fond memories he had from it, but he knew that a full distraction from the subject at hand wasn’t going to help either of them. There were much past the point of treading delicately around each other, married and having dealt with so much already, despite just how young they were. So Ted sat down on the couch next to Andromeda while the water heated up, and turned so that he could fully face her, absentmindedly taking one of her hands in his own as he went on again, a small way to have a bit of comfort as he turned over his mixed up thoughts in his mind.

“It’s just that Edgar brought up a possibility I hadn’t really thought of since we’ve been back from the honeymoon…” Ted started, voice serious in a way it usually wasn’t, frown wrinkling his forehead. “I know we’ve been figuring everything out, and we’re doing alright at the moment. But I also know I’m not exactly helping as much as I could be, in the very adult financial ways. It’s one of the things I need to figure out before we get much further. Apparently, though, Edgar’s looking for someone to take a job at the Ministry. A real job. Like, very adult, very steady, very soon…”

He trailed off, looking down at her hand in his for a second, fingers worrying over her skin. There was an unspoken but to the end of the sentence, one he had a feeling she might understand even without him saying it.

As Ted settled more fully into the living room, crossing the front entryway to the sofa, thoughts of Narcissa briefly slipped away. With the way current events had been deteriorating, violence seemingly lurking on every page of the Prophet, it was very possible that something was seriously wrong. Edgar was involved in the war efforts nearly as much as her cousin was if not moreso. Perhaps Ted’s news was bad news. Her worry for her own actions swiftly transitioned into a different brand of concern, its replacement far more urgent as she searched his eyes with renews vigor. Though Andromeda could detect was that Ted was troubled, maybe mulling something over rather than reporting a death, she couldn’t quite shake the sudden jolt of worry even as he’d teased her. The warmth of his lips against her forehead similarly fell short. 

“Don’t be daft, I always miss you,” she dismissed offhandedly. Thankfully, she was relieved to hear a reassurance quickly follow his initial jab. His fiddling with his wand granted her enough time to reorganize her thoughts once more; so whatever was on his mind wasn’t an emergency. And her brief lapse of judgement surely wasn’t, either. Unsure if her bigger picture logic was a subject of exposure to Ted’s conflict resolution skills or a shoddy coping mechanism to lessen her selfish guilt, she filed her internal resolution away to be dealt with after teasing apart Ted’s current conflict. The sofa dipped with his weight, the action itself minuscule but comforting in a familiar sort of way. Companionably, she gave his hand a soft squeeze and waited.

Ah, finances. As Ted began to explain, she merely listened, though her gears were already turning. It was a subject she’d grown to loathe. Aware of her own privilege, Andromeda hadn’t needed to think about cost growing up; the Blacks were disgustingly wealthy with decade-old family money, and thus she hadn’t grown up needing (or wanting, really) anything material. As simple as her tastes had always been and as little as she’d spent due to lack of interest, it still went without saying that she’d never had to consciously save. Consequently, it wasn’t until graduation when she’d gotten a job of her own and moved out that she’d needed to sort through numbers. Budgeting still felt incredibly new to her. And whereas most couples their age might have been merely figuring out how to move in together or pool money to buy a goldfish, they’d moved in, gotten married, and gotten pregnant all in one fell swoop. It was overwhelming to think about.

And as Ted went on, she quickly understood the surface of his conflict. The reality of their situation demanded something more sensible than what Ted was accustomed to. Still, the mental image of her husband donning a suit and jetting off to a full-day job at the Ministry of Magic nearly made her want to laugh. It was so drastically out-of-character. And anyway, she felt guilty for even thinking that such an occupation was the logical choice for him. Andromeda never wanted to compromise his happiness. They’d managed to make things work thus far, hadn’t they?

“Well, that was kind of him to offer,” she began with a frown. “Maybe he’s the bloody mind-reader. He doesn’t even know about this, and he’s still one step ahead of us.” Her free hand pointed to her torso to indicate what she meant. “But um, okay. Stable, steady, adult income is important. But you’re feeling conflicted because it isn’t what you want to do, right? I’m guessing it’s some sort of stuffy desk job. But - hang on - why is he recruiting you?” Mentioning a job opening in passing was one thing, but offering a position itself was another. She paused, and then it clicked. “Oh. It’s Order stuff, isn’t it?”

[atandromedas]

The irony of their situation didn’t escape Andromeda. They had only just proclaimed their love for one another in front of their family and friends, the ultimate act of being open with their relationship and finally looking ahead to a life that was no longer shrouded in secrecy. And then...they’d found out she was pregnant. Normalcy was swiftly snatched away in a manner that perhaps Andromeda should have expected. Days had crept by at a painfully slow speed for the bulk of her life (what she fondly referred to as ‘before’, meaning the time she’d spent sans Ted), a sluggish timeline of forced conversations and uncomfortably tense dinner parties. Being with Ted had swept Andromeda up into a whirlwind, one that was far from unpleasant given her ‘before’ but seemingly infinite. Just when they were finally going to settle, their plans changed. And once again, Andromeda found herself keeping secrets.

It wasn’t entirely terrible. They had told both his parents (and then indirectly, his sisters) and Sirius straightaway rather than keeping it entirely to themselves. And really, circumstances aside, their first doctor’s appointment had made it clear that keeping pregnancy to themselves in the beginning stages was actually recommended lest something change. But of course, this wasn’t a regular sort of pregnancy. Her relationship with Ted was vastly unpopular with certain dangerous groups of people. When lumped into the other factors - their lack of finances, lack of space, lack of knowledge and general disarray - it seemed logical to keep their news limited. As much as Andromeda felt equipped to handle repercussions regarding her family, being responsible for another life made matters far more daunting. Thankfully, Ted was on the same page as she was.

Still, Andromeda found herself thinking about her family frequently, moreso than she ever had since her initial disownment. The comparisons seemed inevitable; nearly every baby-related decision she made could be related back to how she had been raised. Her childhood was the foundation of her maternal uncertainty, and thus she was determined to ensure their future child’s experience was exactly the opposite of her own. It was far easier to ignore such reminders when she was at work, or she was curled up in bed with Ted as he read poetry or talked about whose tarot readings had gone awry that afternoon. Solitude was when Andromeda was the most vulnerable. And she found herself dwelling on thoughts of her sisters extensively, where her parents had gone wrong and the few fond memories she’d filed away. With Ted’s family being nothing less than absolutely supportive of their suddenly growing household, she couldn’t help but think about how different life might have been if the Black sisters had been allowed to think freely rather than being torn apart by unforgiving traditional views. 

Out of her sisters, Andromeda wondered after Narcissa the most. Whether it was due to their age or their personality differences, Andromeda had once felt protective of her younger sibling. A pre-pubescent version of Narcissa had once been tremendously delicate, kind-hearted and naive and wanting nothing more than to spend an afternoon orchestrating massive imaginary tea parties. As time hardened both of them, there were still flickers of the girl Andromeda had once known and loved so dearly, even when nearing her traitorous demise. In another world, Narcissa would have planned a needlessly extravagant, elegant baby shower; she would have lazed gracefully in a shaded backyard somewhere, idly chatting about baby names and how to be a mother. Whether it was due to shifting hormones or the situation itself, Andromeda found herself wistful.

The combined danger of hormones, nostalgia, and an empty flat after work shift was apparent once Andromeda put a quill to paper. Initially, she hadn’t planned to send anything - she could hear something akin to Ted’s voice in her head reminding her that expressing her feelings was valid, and that writing them down might have been helpful. Once she’d written it out, it suddenly seemed worth the risk to owl it off. It was only an hour later that it occurred to her just how risky. Regret had managed to seep in moments before Ted himself had burst through the door. As he began to launch into a story of his own, she was suddenly dreadfully aware that she would have to tell Ted what she’d done. 

Torn by urgency and the temptation to not tell him straightaway, she quickly settled for the latter. “You’re fine. I didn’t notice.” Sitting up where she’d been slouched on the living room sofa and reflecting on every life choice she’d ever made, she quickly took in his vaguely frazzled appearance. “Is everything alright?”

@atandromedas

Time was a strange beast. The moments that he wished the most that they could savor and take time to truly understand were the moments that went past in the blink of an eye, and the moment he wanted to be done with seemed to drag on for a small eternity. Life after their honeymoon, adjusting to the idea that in too few months their family would grow by one, had been just that, the strange mixture of time moving too slow in some regards and too fast in others. But wasn’t that just them? Things never quite happened in the ways they expected, never quite on time, one way or another. It wasn’t a bad thing, of course, but coming back to reality this time came with more reality than even he had anticipated, listening to Andromeda’s concerns and feeling so many of them himself. 

Ted had realized very quickly that maybe he should’ve been a little more freaked out by all of this than he had been even initially. Nothing could shake his certainty that things would work out, but there were more concrete things to think of than he had even imagined. Not one moment had passed without the concern of safety at the front of both of their minds, which was as expected, all things considered. Even with only a few people knowing about the pregnancy now, with time ahead of them to plan before it was impossible to hide, there was still the question of what would they face when it inevitably became known in the midst of a brewing war. But he had expected that worry; Ted, for all he did to let his mind wander in the clouds, was fairly good at abstract worries, concrete worries, though, were another thing entirely. And he hadn’t really considered that the fact of his lifestyle choices might not be the most conducive to supporting a family until they came home and took a hard look at finances.

But concrete problems often came with concrete solutions, and no matter how many tarot card readings Ted had done to try to suss out what, exactly, he should do about his job situation, he hadn’t anticipated it to be quite so complicated. He hadn’t anticipated Edgar Bones all but pulling him into a pub for a drink on his way back to the flat from running errands. And even less so had he expected an offer to come from his friend. As well aware of the Order as he was, upon coming back from the honeymoon, Ted had let some of that concern fall to the wayside due to their circumstances, but it seemed that in the meantime things had only grown more heated. Before, the desire to help his friends, help others like himself had been in something of a war with his need to keep his family safe, to keep Andromeda safe, and he realized that that feeling had only grown in both directions, listening to Edgar. But it was more than that, because they needed help, needed someone to take an open Ministry position with hopes of building intel, watching. The offer of helping in the war, and having a steady, significant source of income for the family.

He hadn’t said yes, but he certainly hadn’t said no. Even without knowing the current situation he and Andromeda were dealing with privately, Edgar had known he wouldn’t say yes without talking to her first, and so Ted had left, telling him he’d give him an answer as soon as he could, mind a little more than distracted, heart a lot more than conflicted. To give up the safety they held, but to have stability in a way they couldn’t as it was, it was impossible to know what the right choice was. Even more so, though, it was hard to imagine saying no. So he came into the apartment announcing his presence with a sigh as he kicked off his shoes, and turned to find Andromeda, ready to launch into it immediately.

“Sorry, I’m late; I ran into Edgar on the way home, and he had some things he wanted to talk about.”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

Everything was starting to feel lighter now that they were starting to come to terms with what all of this would mean, that they were going to do this together, to make it all work, build a family. She leaned against his shoulder, and he rested his head against hers briefly, savoring the closeness, letting it all sink in, what they had just decided to do together. Now that things were starting to calm for both of them, his thoughts felt a little easier, a little more clear. Already they were proving that they could come through this all as they had with everything else. The support they offered was more than he could even describe, the knowledge that they were never alone in what they did. It was an amazing feeling to find another soul that fit so perfectly alongside his, and to know that that soul mirrored the same feelings. And now, the prospect of having another, half of his and half of hers, made his heart swell with love for both of them. Her compliment made him let out a small, gentle laugh. “No, I don’t think I will, I like your compliments too much, they’re clear and to the point. They’re you. Thank you, Dromeda, all I want is to be good. You make it so easy to be just that,” Ted hummed, the smile clear in his voice.

He nodded along with her questions, the very same things on his mind as well. Given how much things had changed in the past hour, he knew that neither of them would be able to fall back into the peace and relaxation of the peace they had had before now. But going back immediately, abandoning the private paradise they had been indulging in, to face reality head on, he didn’t like the sound of that either. Time felt like something they both needed, and for once, they had the chance to have some of it. “I’d hate to waste a perfectly good vacation… Maybe we owl my parents, and spend the next few days down here making some plans, figuring things out. It could be nice to figure things out without the pressure of the real world yet,” he reasoned. Maybe it was a self-indulgent thought, but it felt like some time alone to process everything, to start figuring it out the two of them before the whole world became involved, might be for the best. They were both nervous, with good reason, and everything was going to change after this. It felt only fair to take a few more days of the world they lived in now before moving into the next phase of their life.

She looked at him, face serious, and again he felt a wave of love for her wash over him. One of the many reasons they fit together so well. A simple look and they could understand what the other was thinking. Even in the midst of their own individual worries, they still had each other on the mind. That alone was just another reminder that they would be able to do anything they wanted together. Sure, he was terrified, wasn’t sure he could be all that he needed and wanted to be for Andromeda and their child. But she made him confident and certain of every little part of his future, even the unknown. “As long as I’m with you, there are no doubts in my mind that we’ll figure it all out. Sure, I’m freaking out. This is a huge change, one we haven’t even really gotten to talk about before suddenly facing it head on. We’re both so young, we’ve only been married for days. Hell, I still have no idea what I even want to do with my life, besides this. I want to be your husband, I want to be the father of your child,” Ted said with a soft smile, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her temple. Saying that out loud, calling himself a father, sent a wave of excitement rushing over him. It was terrifying and exciting and beautiful, and he was certain of that, no matter what else happened. “I don’t have any doubts about that. I haven’t had any doubts since the first night we spent together.”

With Ted expressing some amount of finality - remaining in Italy for the rest of the vacation after owling his family - it brought a sense of clarity, a semblance of a plan. It would be so easy to run back to London like she probably would have been inclined to do if not for Ted. The endless to-do list was overwhelming, and even if her initial shock had quieted she couldn’t quite shake the sense of urgency. Still, the longer Andromeda thought about it, the more sane remaining where they were seemed. There was the fact that Ted’s parents had so graciously gifted them this trip; cutting it short was a waste. And in a way, some distance from reality might allow them to ease more gracefully into the life waiting for them when they returned. A baby was arguably the greatest hurdle they’d jumped through yet. No matter how overwhelming it seemed, a few more days to wrap her head around things could help. She felt another surge of gratitude for him, as he’d always managed to slow her down or hold her back even when she didn’t realize she needed it. If Andromeda had somehow discovered her pregnancy while Ted was out she’d probably have all of their bags packed and ready to go in a panic-driven frenzy before he’d returned.

“Plans. Sounds so simple, putting it that way.” She exhaled in a small puff of air. “That might help, though. Something about some distance between us and the real world sounds really, really appealing right now. At least out here, we can sort through things on our own without the business of everything else.” The steady energy of Ted combined with their proximity to the sea and their sleepy little Italian town was far more calming than their London apartment would be, no matter how cozy it had become since they’d moved in together. “I’m thinking I might send Sirius an owl too. I know he wouldn’t tell anyone if I asked.” In the grand scheme of things, she supposed it didn’t matter one way or the other whether her cousin knew so immediately, but she internally considered Sirius the only family member she had (related by blood, at any rate). He’d understand the gravity of keeping things subdued for the time being, particularly given his involvement in the war efforts; he’d seen firsthand how unsafe the circumstances could be given their shared traitorous label.

It was oddly relieving to hear Ted say he was unbalanced by the news. His initially soothing words had certainly helped take the edge off, but his acknowledgement of his own distress was nearly just as consoling. “Okay. Just had to make sure I wasn’t crazy,” she admitted with a shadow of a smile. “For the record, it isn’t you that I have doubts about. Either you being a father, or being with you in general. Unexpected surprise or not, I meant it when I signed up for life with you the other day.” There was no doubt in her mind that he could do it all - be a father, tackle this new stage of life - and handle it just fine. Coupled with the fact that they’d accomplished so much as a unit already, it could make up for the weight of her own baggage given time. Ted put stock into premonitions, and he had a habit of being right most of the time; if he’d told her directly that he knew he wanted to be with her when they were fifteen, she would have laughed in his face, and yet it’d still happened. If he thought believed they’d emerge from the other side of unexpected pregnancy stronger than ever, perhaps she should believe him.

Breaking up her thoughtful silence, she pressed a soft kiss to his lips, the gesture tender and lingering and hopefully enough to express how much she loved him despite the uncertainty. By the time she pulled away, she felt nearly at peace. “I’ll go get paper from the kitchen,” she stated, unable to resist a final feather-light kiss before she stood. “So we can write home before we forget.” Giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze, she turned to fetch the pad and pen from the kitchen drawer, already trying to sort out just how to translate their news onto paper.

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

There was a ghost of a smile playing on his lips as she agreed, thinking back on all of the things that had happened between them, so completely unexpectedly. Ted had always been an optimist, a hopeless romantic, and yet even he hadn’t expected anything like what had happened with Andromeda that first time they had agreed to study together. Even when he realized, that very first night, that she was the sort of person he could see himself loving for a very long time, could see himself growing old with, he hadn’t really thought it would be possible, no matter how much he hoped it was. The circumstances were just too difficult, there were too many expectations. And yet they had defied them all together.

Nodding along with her words, his own thoughts drifted to all of the things that could’ve made this easier. But that wasn’t who they were. Nothing they had done had been easy, and it was like them to inevitably end up with more difficulty ahead, more chances to prove the world wrong again. So much had happened to them, and he wished more than anything that he could give her a peaceful, easy life after everything they had faced. That wasn’t what the world had in store for them, though, it seemed. Still, they were happy. There was no way to dispute that; no matter what they had been through, all of the pain and sorrow, they had come out on the other side, defying all odds, filled with more love and hope than before somehow. And he truly believed that now would be no different, if they decided it was worth it to try.

“I know it does, and you know planning things ahead has never been my forte, as you can see,” Ted said with a little laugh despite himself. That felt like part of why they had been able to make it through so much together, they balanced each other out better than was imaginable. For every worry Andromeda had, Ted could give her calm; for every little thing Ted forgot to plan out, Andromeda could make sure they came through as best they could. Together it just worked, somehow, despite how many people still believed their very relationship was wrong. Every little thing they had done had somehow mixed together into the perfect storm of happiness and love and freedom, no matter how unplanned any of it had been.

He listened to her in silence, giving her all the time she needed to talk through it all. There was no need to rush the decision, but he knew that in this moment it would be hard for either of them to take their time when it was such an enormous task. She was right, after all, they wouldn’t just be trying if they decided they were going to keep with it. Everything else they had done, they had been trying, no matter how determined they were, there had always been ways to get out of what they did, there had always been the potential for a second choice after the initial one. But with something like this, that wasn’t an option. It was all or nothing, and there would be no going back after they decided they were going to do it. Ted smiled softly as she asked the question––anyone who knew Ted even a little already knew the answer he was going to give. His hand moved from her back to cover hers on his knee, griping tightly as he spoke. “I’d love nothing more than to have a baby with you, to take that journey, to figure it out. Share all of it with you, the difficulties and the happiness, all of the good and the bad. Now or later.”

Ted’s affirmation was far from surprising, and neither was his lenience. It probably wouldn’t have mattered what Andromeda wanted; he would have found a way to accept anything. Still, the firm squeeze of his hand felt like support she’d needed. He was right to remind her that they wouldn’t be alone, as she’d historically had a tendency to imagine herself fighting her own battles alone, but that perception had shifted gradually to include Ted at her side always. It was his unwavering stability that mattered to Andromeda the most. In her heart, she knew her fears of disappointing him or somehow leaving him unhappy were merely surface-level. Not once had he ever given her reason to believe he didn’t love her unconditionally. She leaned into him just barely, enough for their shoulders to touch. “You know how good you are, right?” she commended. “And I don’t mean that you’re only good at talking me off of a metaphorical ledge. I mean you’re just...good. The most generic adjective I can come up with. Someday, you’ll have to come up with my compliments for me.” 

The humor felt less forced now that the urgency of her far had diminished, though the immensity of the milestone at hand was still very much present. She let out a small sigh, mulling it over. The possibility of her pregnancy test being false now felt thousands of miles away. “I have no idea what to do now. I mean, we’re in Italy. On our honeymoon. Do we go home? Owl your parents? I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I’ll be able to think about much else,” she commented, thinking aloud more than speaking directly to Ted. Hopefully saying so wasn’t terribly insensitive; as much as she’d like to return to their previous blissful oblivion, it seemed terribly out of reach. There were dozens of things that needed to be done, so much so that imagining it made her head spin all over again. Healer’s appointments, shuffling around finances, deciding who to tell, figuring out how to make parenthood doable. Then again, maybe time away from London to process what their future held was a good thing. Arriving back home with some semblance of sanity would be nice. 

Andromeda was suddenly reminded of what Ted had said earlier. ‘I’m letting you have your turn’. Knowing Ted as well as she did, she could certainly detect faint signs of apprehension in his own eyes, but if she didn’t know him she might have very well missed it. It was always her greatest concern when it came to their dynamic, that her stronger, more intense existence might somehow drown him out. When they’d first began their relationship, she’d asked after his thoughts constantly, an impulse driven by the lingering paranoia that he’d go running in the other direction once the pressure grew too immense. That habit had died off long ago; now, they were often so in-step with one another that she knew when he had something to say. All the same, Ted had validated her fears but seemed relatively optimistic.

Andromeda didn’t doubt he’d been genuine with everything he’d told her thus far. To him, a baby meant more to love. Another obstacle they could surely overcome. Still, right then it felt important to acknowledge his fears if he wanted. Even if she was still whirling, she no longer felt like she was on the brink of going into shock. “Okay, I have to ask.” She looked at him very seriously. Imagining the cherubic face of an infant with his bright, blue eyes and sandy hair came easier than she might have expected, familiar from all of the childhood photographs his mother had shown her over the years. “Well, less of a question than it is an observation. You’re very optimistic about all of this and I want to make sure it’s not just for my sake. I know you mean it, don’t get me wrong, but you’re allowed to freak out too.” Punctuating the offer, she pressed  absent kiss to his shoulder. “We agreed to this...’journey’, you and I. To figure everything out and do it together. It’s what the ring’s for. And this is an incredibly literal interpretation of lifelong commitment happening far sooner than we would’ve ever expected. You don’t have any doubts? You picture us a year from now, maybe two or three, having everything together?”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

Her hand on his knee was grounding, made him feel like everything was manageable, no matter which way it went. He had meant everything he said. In his heart, he really did believe that this challenge was different from everything else they had faced. There would be hardships, of course, and the other problems they had faced and were facing would have just made this harder, but he couldn’t bring himself to believe that all of that was worth refusing to consider just because of the fear of what they might have to deal with. But still, he hated the thought of them facing something that Andromeda didn’t want yet. All of obstacles they had faced, they had gotten through because they had made the choice, together. Their strength came from them being so invested in weathering the storms together, in coming out on the other side, hand in hand, and this had to be the same, no matter what that decision ultimately was. He would gladly wait, if it meant one day they might have this when they both felt ready to face it together. But he wasn’t sure they would ever fully feel ready, and so he didn’t want that fear to stop them.

“It is doable, if we decide we want to give it a try,” he said gently, a small smile on his lips at her words. They were resilient. Ted had never really thought anything about him screamed hardy, but with Andromeda, he had been able to get through things that he knew probably would’ve broken him down without. And that’s why he had to think this was something they could handle, too. Of all the challenges that they had face, and the ones they had already overcome, this was just another step, another chance to prove all the people wrong who insisted they shouldn’t be together, that they were doomed for pain and suffering. What better proof that that was wrong than the happiness they had together? Getting married, not just the two of them alone, but celebrating with a ceremony on the beach out in the open, with magic and non-magic friends and family alike, had been part of that. 

He listened to her carefully, taking in her words. It was hard to give the understanding she needed, given just how completely different their own lives had been before they were together, but he had always tried his hardest to understand all of her feelings, as complicated as they were. And he did. He could understand why she had never thought she would want to be a mother, especially before their relationship, and while he was glad that his love for her might’ve changed that feeling even a little, he didn’t want it to be a case of her feeling it was something he expected from her, not that he thought she would ever feel that way. It was such a deeply personal thing, and it went beyond just the outside difficulties they would face. And he understood all of the things she said, because he felt some of it too, although in a different way. Hell, he didn’t know anything about babies, or being a parent either, but that wasn’t the part that scared him. They had his family to help, his own parents and sisters to give them the support, they wouldn’t have to do it alone.

“The list does go on. I know. And I wasn’t really expecting someday to be now either. There are so many things that would make this easier… but look at how far we’ve come already, Dromeda. When we met, did you ever imagine you would feel all of this?” he asked, looking down at her hand on his knee, her thumb tracing comforting circles over his skin. “There’s a laundry list of things that we both wish might’ve been different before something like this, but here we are anyway. We’ve gotten pretty good at making the best of a bad situation, building love where there was none. There is no one right way to do any of this. We’re figuring things out as we go. And I have a feeling it’s a lot like that for anyone who’s in our situation, even if they haven’t dealt with the dangers that we have. But we wouldn’t be doing it alone.”

Andromeda nearly laughed. When she’d first met Ted, she hadn’t the faintest idea what she was in for beyond an acquaintanceship founded from schoolwork. Her connection with Ted was possibly the most unexpected thing to ever have happened to her. And at that stage of her life — when she’d been so certain love like that didn’t exist, much less that it would happen to her — it was an understatement to say she hadn’t imagined feeling ‘all of this’ in the slightest. “No. I didn’t. Not even a little,” she agreed, and in another circumstance she might have teased him for being so sentimental. It was true, Ted did have a way of romanticizing everything, but she couldn’t deny that she’d felt more, and more deeply. 

“And you’re right. I could think of a million things off the top of my head.” She thought of her family, how terribly their last and final encounter had transpired, and wished she’d been more open with them from the start. How disownment hadn’t felt like a loss at all when Ted’s arms were waiting for her so patiently in the aftermath. Maybe they would have been happier, sooner if she’d just bitten the bullet and cut those ties the moment he’d first held her hand. There were countless other things Andromeda could fancy changing. But when Andromeda was picking apart moments of the past, Ted always had a way of reminding her that what had happened didn’t matter as much as the present. The end result had left them happy. Never one to put stock in fate, things had still somehow worked out like they were meant to be this way all along. 

“But it did work out. I mean, we’re both happy.” Now Andromeda was thinking aloud. “I love you and I don’t mean that I wish we hadn’t ended up where we are, because even if I hadn’t imagined getting married five years ago much less happily, we did it and we’re here on our honeymoon. But...you know me. Figuring things out as we go makes me want to break out into hives.” The reality already seemed slightly less heavy than it had minutes ago, a direct consequence of Ted’s soothing words. Imagining holding a baby still was enough to escalate her heart rate, but at least it wasn’t inducing a full-blown panic. Because they were resilient.

Already having worked out part of an answer, she was quiet for a long moment before she continued, her thumb still lightly tracing his knee. When she was ready to continue, her gaze searched for his . “I...don’t think I’d want to give it up if I am pregnant. I don’t know if I could.” Part of it was certainly born from the guilt — both of potentially disappointing Ted, and of the whole principle of the thing — but part of it was out of strewing determination. To continue defying their odds, to be better than the family she’d been born from. it felt important to be honest, so she continued. “Maybe because I’d feel too terrible doing it, but also because I do want to try. Although,” she went on with a frown, “I suppose ‘trying’ isn’t the right word. This isn’t really a ‘try’ sort of scenario, is it? We’re either doing it or not.” It wasn’t as though either of them would be able to call it quits. “I get the impression that I know the answer, but just to be sure, you...would want to do it, right? To have a baby and figure it out.” 

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

There was no doubt in his mind that that was the case, that she was in the process of going over every possible outcome, every possible obstacle that they could face if they did decide to move forward. She had always been the one who was better at being realistic, at looking at things from the outside perspective, keeping him grounded when he was ready to shoot off into fantasies. And even in the panic, it was the same. Only this time, he could see all of the realities of the situation just as well as she could. He knew that she was right, that there were too many reasons not to try, too many reasons why it wouldn’t work out for them right now, no matter how much he hated to think of that. There was no denying how hard things would be if they did. But that was very them, in his mind, seeing how difficult a path would be, and choosing to go it anyway. He still was trying not to think too hard about what it would be like to start a family together, because he knew that latching onto the idea would make it more difficult to let go. “I know there are. We’ve honestly got a pretty stellar track record when it comes to accidentally choosing the worst timing for everything. But all things considered, we’ve done pretty well so far,” he said, voice serious.

He had meant it when he said it wasn’t a decision that they needed to make now, but he knew that there was no way either of them was going to be able to put it all out of their minds now when it was such a huge thing. So he considered her question seriously for a moment, before answering, trying to figure out how to put into words all of his feelings on the matter. Normally, he would have let all of the emotions and feelings spill out unbidden, no filter for what he would say, and let Andromeda wade through the mess to find what was meaningful. But he couldn’t do that to her now, not when there was such a weight on her both of their minds, and he truly did want this decision to be theirs together. He needed her to understand that he did feel all of that, but that he could see another side to it as well. 

“It makes sense for it to feel that way. I mean, this is huge, and terrifying, and who knows what could happen. But somehow, I don’t think it tops it all. All of the other obstacles we’ve faced, they’ve been about dealing with hatred, haven’t they? Your family, the danger, the war, all of those have been obstacles because of the outside hatred. And we’ve gotten through them, we will get through them all, because we love each other,” Ted said, unable to keep a bit of emotion from creeping into his voice. Now that his own panic wasn’t the focus, it was allowing all of his other emotions to move into view, and he had never been good at hiding what he was feeling. “A baby, though, that’s an obstacle of love. I’m not saying it’s not a challenge, because it is, especially considering the timing, but all of the hatred and fear that we’ve been dealt, it’s nothing like bringing more love into the world.”

Ted paused, hoping that it wasn’t sounding like he was trying to sway a decision. He had meant it when he told her that whatever happened, whether they decided to do it now or not, they would be alright. He would be happy, as long as he had her. “I promise I’m not saying I don’t think it would be just as hard. Having a family of our own to worry about on top of everything means more anxiety about the war, about the future, more precautions we’d have to take. But, it’s something that’ll be a reality of our lives whenever this happens, whether it’s now, or in five years, just because of who we are. But, I don’t know, somethings are worth it. That’s why I married you,”  he shrugged, frown knitting his brows. “I meant what I said, whatever we decide, whenever we decide it, as long as I have you by my side, it’ll all be fine, but I don’t want fear to be the thing to make the choice for us.”

Ted’s point was fair. When they’d first started seeing one another in secret, she’d been certain that someday it’d end in disaster; eventually they’d have to part ways whether someone would find out or not given what Andromeda’s trajectory was meant to be, and anyway, at the time she’d considered herself burdening his life. Moving out and continuing the endless limbo, being disowned, getting engaged in the middle of a war were milestones she never would have dreamt their relationship surviving through. Instead, here they were on the Italian countryside committed to life together. Despite all they’d been through, Andromeda was truly happy. They had done pretty well thus far, enough so for that to be an understatement. 

She let Ted speak his piece, considering each and every word seriously. Again, he was right. Every obstacle they’d overcome had been built from prejudice and suppression. And realistically, she supposed she could have predicted Ted’s answer if she wasn’t so panicked in the moment. Ted’s infinite love for life spilt over into every relationship he’d ever had, familial or friendly or romantic or otherwise. He handed out affection so freely that sometimes it still caught her off-guard, even after so long of knowing him intimately. Andromeda had always admired him for that. As deeply as she cared for things, it wasn’t as much in her nature to express it like Ted could without batting an eye. A product of her upbringing, she supposed. And it was the root of her biggest fear when it came to being a mother. 

The tangible concerns were, of course, incredibly real and there was no doubt in her mind that she’d worry about a baby’s well-being given their current turmoltuous world. But she understood what Ted meant. No matter how much she might have doubted their ability to surpass every challenge, she came out the other side more in love with Ted than she could have ever imagined, relatively safe, and happy. They’d proven to be a good team. Now or five years from now might not ever feel like the right time. Hearing Ted talk through it had calmed her slightly, enough to recognize the emotion creeping into his voice, and her hand moved to rest on his knee. “Hearing you say it like that makes this sound nearly doable,” she commented softly. “I guess I know that, deep down. That we’ve already gone through so much and made it here, and that has to say something about our resilience.”

Sorting through her thoughts, she inhaled deeply before continuing. “It’s hard to explain everything else I’m afraid of. Before you, I never really thought I’d want to be a mother for dozens of reasons. And I get why that sounds odd considering the occupation I fell into, but it’s true.” Her thumb idly traced circles over his skin, the familiar gesture comforting. “I don’t feel that way anymore, don’t get me wrong. I decided a long time ago that I wouldn’t mind a family with you someday. But I never expected someday to be now. And there’s still things about myself I hoped to change before that time came. Sure, I wanted us to be safe and far away from the terrible things happening back home, but I’d hoped I could...I don’t know. Love as easily as you do. Have left my family farther behind. Know more about babies and being pregnant and how to be a Mum.” A tight smile flickered across her face. “You know. Stuff like that. The list goes on.”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

He knew that she was likely panicking on the inside, as calm as she seemed standing there, folding the directions up neatly again, silent for a long moment. More than anything else, he wished that he knew what the right thing to say to comfort her was, but this situation was so unexpected, had seemed so completely out of the realm of possibilities to them both, that he had no clue what to say to help. Partially because he was panicking, too, although it was likely in a different way, over different aspects of this all. “There’s no rush,” he said simply, which wasn’t exactly true, if those pregnancy tests were right, but seemed like a good thing to assure her off anyway. After all, not much different was going to be able to be done whether they apparated off to Mungo’s now, or in an hour, or in a day. But he was well aware that the longer things even felt like they were in limbo, in Andromeda’s mind, the more time they were going to have to be freaking out and not figuring out what they were going to do. Not that he knew what they were going to do at all, if she was pregnant. As she stepped away from him, and sank down onto the edge of the bed, bend over, looking down at the floor, Ted really considered what this all meant for the first time. His panic had been too distracting before, the need to find out with even a small amount of certainty if his suspicions were right keeping his thoughts from straying to the real consequences of such a truth.

And he realized just how conflicted he felt, at the core of it. He knew, in his heart, that now wasn’t the time to be starting a family. Not only had they barely been married for a week, but they were still so young themselves. More than that, though, there was the danger out in the world, a brewing war that just seemed to get worse by the week. He thought of the fear he had felt when he thought Bellatix might come after his parents, his sisters, and he knew that fear would be tenfold when considering his own child. That was without even thinking of how they could possibly take care of a child when they were barely getting by just the two of them. They were comfortable, just the two of them, but a baby would be expensive, to give them the proper care. More than all of that, though, were Andromeda’s feelings. One of the reasons that he hadn’t brought up the idea of children much before was that he knew it was a complicated situation for Andromeda. Her own feelings about her own mother, and how that reflected on what she might be as a mother, played too huge of a factor to brush past. And the last thing he wanted was for Andromeda to feel that fear,  that distress, even if he knew in his heart that she would be a fantastic mother, if she ever wanted to be.

He was conflicted, though, because he realized that mixed in with all the panic, the worry, was a little spark of joy. Just a tiny thing, waiting to be allowed to turn into something bigger, or to be doused. But it was there. Because even if this wasn’t what they had planned, hell, hadn’t even talked about it, the thought of having a child with Andromeda was something that filled him with warmth, in the same way that the thought of marrying her had. He had always wanted a family of his own, and to share that with the woman he loved more than anyone else, no matter how inconvenient the timing, was a thought that made his heart threaten to swell with joy. And he felt guilty for even thinking that just now, seeing how worried she was already. Luckily, his concern for her well being, for her future far outweighed that little spark and he knew that whatever happened, as long as he had her, he would be happy. He only wanted to see her happy, too.

He sat down on the edge of the bed next to her, his hand going to her back, rubbing up and down as she took everything in silently. When she finally spoke again, looking up at him, he could see every little worry on the gentle frown lines across her face, even as she attempted a joke. The little laugh he let out was tight, but genuine. “I’m freaking out, too, I promise, but I’m letting you have your turn. I think if we both freak out at the same time we might tear the house down. And I don’t think my parents got the rental insurance,” he said softly, the humor a little stronger this time. Ted followed it with a sigh, though, growing serious again. “I know. But whatever we decide to do, we’ll make it work. As long as we’re together, it’ll be alright in the end, I promise. I’m just happy to be with you, whether we do this now, or we don’t. It’s terrifying, but it’s not impossible, we’ve dealt with worse. And this is something that’s fixable, if that’s what feels right, unlike the other hurdles we’ve jumped. But nothing needs to be decided right this minute.”

If Andromeda scrutinized Ted hard enough, she could see the distant signs that he was distressed — the way his eyes tightened at the edges, his other hand still clenched around the tissue-obscured pregnancy tests tighter than he realized — enough to believe him when he assured her as much. That comforted her more than anything else. Because she could imagine nothing more guilt-inspiring than Ted being entirely not worried. The reality of being pregnant felt less like a possibility and more like a fact with each passing moment, and it was a wonder that he managed to seem so much more calm than he’d been even twenty minutes ago. Then again, maybe it wasn’t. Their relationship was often one of building the other up when they needed it the most no matter the circumstance; it was how they’d managed to overcome their obstacles relatively unscathed, and Andromeda’s first lesson in unconditional love. In Ted’s eyes, she must have needed it the most. 

Even in the midst of something terrifying, she loved him so much it ached. She knew he’d do whatever she asked. The possibility of ‘fixing’ the issue at hand was sincere. In Andromeda’s mind, it was a serious option to consider when factoring in everything working against them. They’d gone through so much, and yet they were only children themselves no matter how much it felt otherwise. She worried about Ted regularly, and the well-being of the family that’d embraced her so seamlessly — a baby surely couldn’t fit into that equation when they were already stretched so thin. Besides that, she realized she was just as terrified of losing Ted as she was to be a mother. The stress, the responsibility they’d shoulder, the possibility that he could look at her differently given her own private concerns and ability to be a mother...the potential strain on their relationship nearly didn’t seem worth it. The thought triggered another pang of guilt, aware that it was a terribly selfish thought.

And yet...deep down, Andromeda knew what would happen. No matter how many mountains Ted would move on her behalf, surely there was a tiny bit of him that’d want to try. To see everything out properly. To have a family, despite all of the odds. To fan the opportunity rather than snuff it out. It was a hope that she’d feel terrible stealing away from him, even if it was her decision as much as it was his and especially considering how willing he was to discard the opportunity to overcome their greatest obstacle thus far. At any other time Andromeda might have laughed at his promise that nothing needed to be decided right that second considering how frequently he’d given her that advice in the past. He was always the one to slow her down when urgency loomed, and speed her up when she was thinking too much. Or more often than not, to do what felt right. What felt right at that moment was to curl up beneath the duvet and hide until her conflicting feelings went away.

“I dunno. Maybe it’d make me feel less mad if you freaked out first,” she mused aloud. “If you asked me to tell you what I was thinking, I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” She considered attempting another joke — something along the lines of Ted finding new advice, as the ‘as long as we’re together’ card was a classic — but it didn’t seem right to revisit humor. Instead, her attention flickered from the window back to him. “It just...there’s dozens of reasons why this wouldn’t work, Ted. The timing’s terrible.” It felt harsh to say so aloud when her guilt was still so freshly overturned. To remedy the brunt of her sentiment, she continued. “And that’s not to say I wouldn’t want to see it through. It’s just hard for me to see beyond everything else.” Having discarded the meticulously-folded instructions during her initial shock, she lifted her hand in a vague gesture. “Sure, we’ve dealt with a lot of rubbish. But doesn’t everything else sort of pale in comparison to...a baby? Or is it just me? And I mean that sincerely, asking you what you think, not as a rhetorical question.” Her dark eyes studied him seriously. 

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

At least her own comments on the gender stereotypes of the pregnancy test were enough to get a weak laugh from him, only a little bit shaking from the worry that was still coursing through his systems. “You’re right, that’d be way worse. I’d have to have a personal chat with whoever makes pregnancy tests if it flipped like that. The pink is bad enough on it’s own. Why couldn’t it have been something nice and neutral like green or yellow? Or even just like grey. You can’t make grey a stereotypically gendered color, it’s too late for that,” he said with a vague wave of his hand, not really thinking about all of the words spilling from his lips. Ted was mostly just glad for an excuse not to think about what was going to happen if they looked down at that test and saw those two little pink lines staring up at them. Anything to give him a second to breathe and distract himself from what it would mean if he was right about all of this.

But that moment of distraction only lasted for just that, as he watched her stop in her tracks, eyes landing on the tests she had set on the counter as she continued on with things. It was clear from that moment of silence already what they said. And he all but sprang into action as soon as she said his name, meeting her as she came back into the bedroom. It was a good thing she was passing him the plastic sticks as soon as she got to him anyway, because he was already halfway to grabbing them out of her hand, gladly giving up the directions in favor of looking at the very distinct pink lines. There was no mistaking it. Two bright pink lines on each of the tests, as if the test itself knew that a faint line wouldn’t be enough to convince either of them of it, and that four lines was just going to make it that much harder to deny. Everything suddenly felt a lot more real.

“Two lines…is positive… And you took two already. They both have two lines,” he said, voice a little halting as he just confirmed what was in front of his eyes, staring down at the tests for a long second, before looking back up at her. Her denial was in full swing still, but this time it was much more serious. There was no joking, and he could practically hear all of the thoughts running through her head just as he looked at her. The only good thing about seeing that little bit of fear in her eyes, was that it grounded him, and it made him realize that he couldn’t be the one freaking out, not if those tests were right. And he was already convinced that they were. He had to be reasonable, though, and calm. Luckily, it was almost jarringly easy to slip back into his natural serenity. Ted’s free hand moved to her back, rubbing small circles over it in a small attempt to provide some support and comfort, not that he thought it would do much in this case.

“No, you’re looking at it right. Maybe you should do another, just in case,” he said reasonably, feeling like the right thing to do in that moment was to acknowledge her skepticism of the Muggle technology. He highly doubted any other tests would come out different, though, and it felt like now was the moment to start considering what it would mean when it was all inevitably confirmed. “But I don’t think two of them would be wrong…especially not when the lines are so dark. It wouldn’t hurt to check, though. I mean, we could go find a hospital and get you checked there, if you don’t think these tests are enough…”

Deep down, Andromeda knew Ted was only humoring her. It was clear he thought the tests were correct and that any further investigating would provide the same result. Really, it was so entirely like him to diffuse a situation by validating her feelings before anything else that she couldn’t be irritable with Ted even if she’d tried. Maybe their reality would be easier to swallow if Ted was pacing holes into the wooden floorboards, or maybe it wouldn’t, but the warmth of his palm through her shirt was enough to ground her firmly into fact as panic whirled through her head. According to the two tests she’d already taken, she was pregnant. 

She inhaled deeply, folding the directions in half once and then again. Again, he was right to guess that she might want to rush off to a hospital to be checked properly. Mungo’s was only a Floo or apparition away. The idea was tempting, and yet, having to rush away from the little sanctuary they’d built here in order to face something so huge also felt like the very last thing Andromeda wanted to do. Anyway, it wasn’t her mistrust of Muggle technology that had her so skeptical of his pregnancy tests; it was how afraid she was of a positive result, and how badly she’d hoped it would say otherwise. Truth be told, she knew that if Muggles relied on these sorts of things they were likely as dependable as anything else. 

Ted was still looking at her, patiently awaiting a response. The long breath she’d been accidentally been holding was released in a long, slow exhale. “Maybe. I just...need a minute before we do anything or go anywhere.” Finding out they were pregnant on their honeymoon was a scenario that was so them it was nearly laughable, no matter how distant humor seemed at the moment. She stepped away from Ted only to sink to the edge of the bed, lacing her hands behind her neck, resting her elbows on her knees and staring at the floor. They were nowhere near ready to have a family now when they’d barely so much as talked about it. Ted, she knew, was generally more open to the idea of kids by the dozen; it just meant there was more for him to love. The guilt that’d been lying dormant flipped on like a switch, and she realized just how much she didn’t feel equipped to be a mother. She gave her love so much more meticulously than Ted did. There Andromeda was, wishing so badly that a pregnancy test would turn up negative — she wasn’t exactly setting a good precedent for maternal instincts. 

And then there was everything else. Finances, war, the danger that lurked just beyond their doorstep. They’d barely been able to attend their own wedding carefree. Sadly, a solution wasn’t visible in the worn oak, and after a moment she dropped her hands into her lap. Meeting Ted’s gaze offered at least some semblance of peace. Kind, patient Ted. It was so easy to picture him swinging a toddler in his arms. The image made her swallow the lump in her throat. “Please tell me you’re also freaking out. Should we take turns? Do it at the same time, get it over with?” The attempt at humor promptly fell flat. Not wanting to admit all of her doubts to him aloud — he could probably read them all over her face anyway — her eyes drifted to the bedroom window. Waves continued to lap the shore as though the turmoil behind the glass didn’t exist. “What are we going to do if this is happening? We aren’t ready for this; we’ve barely even talked about it.”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

The familiar nickname falling from her lips brought him back to reality, at least a bit, grounding him, making him realize how unhelpful panicking already was, when nothing was certain yet. Ted paused for a second, trying to calm his breathing just like she had said, but the effort was mostly fruitless, considering the set of instructions in his hands, and the way words suddenly didn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense to him anymore. It felt a lot like he had forgotten how to read in his moment of panic, his eyes only really able to take in the word pregnant over and over again on the paper, jumping out at him, making sure he wasn’t going to get any better at the whole breathing thing anytime soon.

Luckily enough, Andromeda seemed to have stayed utterly relaxed in his absence, still seemingly convinced that this wasn’t what was happening with her body, which was a good thing, considering she still seemed to be able to read other words besides pregnant. If he had been a little less focused on that whole deal, he would have found it endearing that she had picked up one of his poetry books while he was gone, would’ve asked her what poems she had been reading, maybe, but the last thing on his mind were Romantic poets and images of sprawling country landscapes. If he was going to think of any metaphor, it was probably going to be something very heavy handed, probably involving words like ripening and blossoming, which he was fairly certain Andromeda wasn’t going to appreciate at the moment, pregnant or not. So maybe he was the dramatic one, even now.

The thing that finally called him out of the pregnancy test induced trance, was her indignation at the method behind the test. In his panicked haze, he had somehow forgotten that Andromeda wasn’t going to know anything about muggle pregnancy tests, especially not how you used them. It felt a little foolish to defend peeing on a stick, but muggle pretty much relied on the things when they couldn’t get to doctors, so he thought they had to work at least somewhat. “It’s, you know, hormones. There are hormones…in pee…I guess…” he tried to explain with a vague wave of his hand, not really too concerned with how it worked at the moment. He also wanted to point out that it wasn’t a good thing they had been drinking all afternoon if she was pregnant, but there was no need to beat a dead horse just now, with the little stick still untouched. So he handed her the opened package he had been clinging to for dear life, and let out a half-amused laugh. “I don’t know, Dromeda, chugging a whole bottle of ginger ale is pretty hot. The implication, and everything.”

He decided there was nothing to do but sit on the bed surrounded by the boxes and tests while she actually did the deed. So he sat on the edge of the bed, facing the bathroom doorway––even if he wasn’t going to hover, in an attempt at keeping some of his cool, he was going to be ready to spring into action––and searched the directions for the answer to her question. “So, uh, it’s two pink lines for pregnant, and one line for not pregnant. If there’s two but one is faith, that’s still pregnant, though… The pink seems a little annoyingly stereotypical, but beggar’s can’t be choosers, I guess, at least not when it comes to finding a pregnancy test in English in a small town in Italy,” he said, a little thoughtfully. It was nice to have something else to latch onto while they waited to see what the test said, even if that thing was the gender stereotyping of pregnancy tests.

Hormones in pee. While that concept was physiologically sound, the fact that this strip of plastic was meant to interpret them seemed far less trustworthy. Regardless, it seemed obvious that Ted was significantly more concerned than she was (even being the less perceptive of the pair, it was glaringly clear) and likely not in the mood to debate the science behind Muggle culture. In any other scenario with any other trinket, maybe, but not with Ted teetering on the edge of pure panic. Andromeda could recall just a few weeks ago when Ted had patiently tried to describe the inner-workings of his parents’ television set for what had to be the dozenth time during their relationship. She supposed a pregnancy test was a different matter. 

It became quickly apparent that the process was less simple than she’d hoped; it required a bit of fumbling once she’d sat herself down on the toilet seat. For the sake of efficiency, she’d managed to take both tests in one go and was just finishing the second as Ted interpreted the instructions. “It doesn’t seem stereotypical. It just is,” she agreed soundly. Having finished the deed, she set the second test next to the first on the counter and flushed. “Maybe they’re just being considerate. My delicate lady eyes might not be able to read it properly if it wasn’t in pink.” She wasn’t entirely sure how extensively Ted had intended to analyze social constructs but she figured it was better to have him chatting rather than silently stewing in his own trepidation, and anyway, she was perfectly skilled when it came to rambling. The faucet was flipped on to wash her hands. “You know what would be worse? If it went between blue or pink depending on what your piss says about your hormones. And if it did, I’d have so many more questions about the logistics. I hope you know I’m going to be reading through those instructions to sort out how it all works.”

Everything about Andromeda was casual as she shut off the water, talked with Ted, and proceeded to dry her hands; she was already thinking about convincing Ted to walk down to the beach once they’d finished under the guise that fresh air might rectify her upset stomach. Checking the tests on the counter was nearly an afterthought. It’d been a minute, two, maybe three — surely plenty of time to examine the tiny indicator window — and then shift in her demeanor was as sudden as flipping a switch. Even if Ted had responded to her, she hadn’t heard it. Because staring back at her, not faint even in the slightest, were two tremendously pink lines. She picked up the other test to counter the mislabeled results of the first only to find the exact same result. Oh.

But perhaps she was remembering what Ted had told her incorrectly, or maybe he’d read it wrong. “Ted?” she called, wrapping the tests haphazardly in a tissue and padding back into the bedroom. All of the light-hearted humor had swiftly drained from her face; now, only denial with the faintest hint of fear remained. “I took two and they’ve both got two lines. Was that what you said was positive, or was that negative?” Not waiting for his answer, she traded the swaddled plastic sticks in her hand for the directions still clutched in his, scanning through them quickly. “Or maybe I’m not looking at them right. But I reckon they could be broken or something, too. Should I do another?” Even with her eyes staring at the pictured indicators clearly matching the ones she’d seen a minute ago, the words seemed to be swimming off the page and the reassurances she was giving herself more than Ted weren’t helping. “I mean, no offense, but I don’t know if this bit of Muggle plastic is the most reliable thing I’ve ever heard of. And we’re almost in the middle of nowhere. Anything this says should be taken with a grain of salt.”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

Her comment on both of their zealousness made him smile at least a little, but it didn’t stop the worry. In fact, it only felt like more of a confirmation that it was likely a real concern. If they had both been a little too passionate in the heat of the moment here or there, then the likelihood of it being just what he thought felt even higher. But she was so calm sitting there, easily shrugging it off, that it made him feel a little less like panicking, at least until they had a chance to get a second opinion in the form of a little plastic stick. And she was right, after all, there were surely other illnesses that could have the same sort of symptoms, although that felt more like an excuse than anything else to him, and he had never been good at making excuses for things, especially as important as this, no matter how difficult. He also knew, though, that she would agree to anything if it meant he might calm back down and enjoy things for the rest of their honeymoon, so he practically jumped on her words as soon as she agreed to try it. “I know, but I also know you’re not going to let me apparate us all the way to Mungo’s right now, so you’re going to have to give the Muggle tech a chance. For my sake. It’s simple enough, anyway. And then we’ll be back to enjoying ourselves,” Ted said with a nod, her gentle touch on his cheek grounding him a little, making it easier not to jump to all the worries at once.

He couldn’t exactly promise he wasn’t going to be worrying the whole way there and back, but he could promise he was going to have this done as soon as possible. “I’ll be quick as I can,” he said, pressing a light kiss to her forehead as he got up, and practically ran into the bedroom to find a shirt and shoes. The combination of worry and adrenaline made him feel like he was in a strange haze that he wasn’t going to be able to come out of until they knew for sure one way or another. Luckily enough, it wasn’t a long walk––or run––to the town, and he was familiar enough after a week of leisurely strolls there that he knew exactly where he was going. Having a concrete thing to focus on was helping him worry less for the moment and start to consider the possibility that maybe Andromeda was right, and that wasn’t what was happening. She knew her own body better than he did, after all… but then again, she was also supremely good at not making a big deal out of things, unlike him. And it was fair, after all, not to want to even consider the reality of something like this, given the position they were in. Barely married for a week, in the middle of an impending war, both of them so young, no real sense of stability in life yet beside having each other. It would’ve been scary on its own already, but coupled with her own family, it was even more so. 

But that didn’t mean they could ignore the facts, and for once he knew the only was he was going to feel better was to have some kind of concrete proof one way or another. Funny, that he was the one looking for facts this time, but his mind was so set on this being what was happening, that he didn’t really know what to latch onto besides the concrete for once. Once he made it to the store, it took a few minutes and some awkward hand gestures and mistranslations to have the little old woman working the counter show him where the pregnancy tests were. Maybe it was overdoing it, but he grabbed several, just to be sure, and a bottle of ginger ale, just in case it wasn’t a pregnancy and really was just some kind of stomach bug, before checking out and practically sprinting back towards the beach house.

Ted practically burst back into their home for the honeymoon, not one but four pregnancy tests in the bag swinging from his wrist as he kicked off her shoes and went to find Andromeda again. As he came through the house, he was already pulling one of the tests out of the packaging, barely even taking in the instructions as he tried to read them and walk at the same time. “I got a few, just to be safe. They’re supposed to be pretty accurate, but, you know, wanna be sure and everything,” he said, coming into the bedroom, and discarding the bag at the foot of the bed. “I also got ginger ale for you while I was there…in case you’re right…like a consolation prize to make me feel like that trip I took was still helpful in some way and not just overdramatic.” He had been trying for humor, but the worry was still there so instead his joke just sounded kind of pitiful.

His comment regarding Mungo’s made her smile, because he was very much correct; Andromeda wouldn’t have let him disrupt their honeymoon that thoroughly by dropping everything and going to the hospital just because she was ill. No matter how plausible it seemed, knowing Ted. She couldn’t be  annoyed with him for worrying over her. He meant well. It was why she gave his cheek one final pat before he’d stood. “Simple. I’m taking your word for that,’ she commented airily. It was likely he’d barely heard her considering he’d bolted out of the room the minute he was to his feet, and she could hear his scrambling in the bedroom to pull on clothes. Before she could say another word, he was gone. 

The silence in the bungalow that had once been peaceful now felt oddly heavy in the wake of Ted’s absence. Shaking it off, she stood and stepped barefoot to the kitchen sink with the intent of brushing her teeth. The familiar appearance of her face in the mirror caught her attention — dark eyes blinking slowly, her cheeks flushed, mouth pressed into a thin line. She’d meant what she’d said to Ted. While she certainly felt off, she didn’t feel pregnant. “I’m not pregnant,” she informed her reflection, and though the statement immediately made her feel ridiculous, it also made her feel a bit better. Newly comforted, she switched on the faucet.

By the time Ted had returned she’d situated herself comfortably on the bed, sitting against the headboard and flipping idly through one of Ted’s poetry books. The bang of the screen door was what announced his presence first. When he did appear, it was clear to see he’d done the very opposite of not worrying. Concern practically oozed from his vaguely-frantic demeanor, which had either escalated while he’d been running to the store or had been there all along, but concealed more thoroughly earlier. No matter how flatly his joke fell to him, she still smiled. “You called yourself dramatic, not me,” she commented good-naturedly. “Seriously, Teddy. Remember to breathe.” The nickname rolled off the tongue on its own; it’d been a while since she’d last called him that, a reminder of when they’d been young and sneaking around Hogwarts after hours.

Andromeda could have told him to breathe a thousand times over and it wouldn’t have mattered, however, so instead she obligingly set the hardbound book aside and scooted to the edge of the bed to get up. “Let’s see it, then,” she commented diplomatically, and instead of interrupting his furious direction-reading she snagged an unopened package out of the plastic bag. Scanning over the back, her eyebrows rose dubiously. “Hang on, I’ve got to piss on this? And you’re saying these are accurate?” Making the executive decision to take an extra one with her right off the bat, she extended her hand for the other one in his hand. “Muggles are wild. It’s a good thing we’ve been drinking all afternoon, because otherwise you’d have to watch me chug that entire vat of ginger ale and I can’t imagine anything less romantic than that. Other than the puking.” When he did press the slim plastic stick into her palm, she stood to her feet and padded back into the bathroom, not bothering to shut the door. They’d long ago surpassed that boundary. “Alright, then, I’m going to...pee on this stick and give it a minute. What am I supposed to be looking for?”

[atandromedas]

wholovedthestars:

Normally, he would’ve laughed at her joke that he had been poisoning her secretly, would’ve run with the bit, but the reality of the situation was slowly setting in, and it was impossible to laugh just then, thinking about what this would mean if he was right. Because it was overwhelming to think of, really.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want a child. In fact, quite the contrary. He wanted to build a family with Andromeda more than he wanted anything else, but he was also very aware of the complicated feelings that brought up with Andromeda, given her own family. It was something that he hoped would happen for them eventually, once they were both stable and ready and had completely agreed on it first, but also something he was prepared not to have if it wasn’t what Andromeda ended up wanting. That was the thing, though, they hadn’t really talked about any of it yet, and so the thought that they were about to face just that was a lot. A mix of feelings really, none of which could truly be sorted through until they knew for sure one way or another. He was already convinced that that was exactly what Andromeda’s illness was a sign of, though.

Still, he wasn’t surprised that she refused to even consider that as an option, especially considering the circumstances. At least she got what he had been implying, but the excuse of both of them having too much sun, the impossibility of a pregnancy, those were just excuses. Which was fair, given how enormous this was. It was only fair that she wasn’t ready to accept the possibility to readily. They’d only been married for a week, were still on their honeymoon, this was a pretty inopportune time to find out about a pregnancy. At the same time, though, it was very them. And Ted knew that the sooner she even agreed to humor the idea, the sooner they could either keep going with their honeymoon, or figure out what the hell they were going to do with what was waiting for them.

Ted scooted forward closer to her, put a hand on her knee as he watched her realization turn into denial right before his eyes. It was so her that he almost laughed, would have if he hadn’t been so near freaking out himself, even after just having told her not to freak out. At least she was doing a good job of it. “Andromeda, just think of it, though. It makes a whole lot of sense with everything that you’ve been feeling,” he insisted, knowing full well that if she had decided already not to consider it, that wasn’t going to change things. It felt like he was mostly just saying it to help himself get used to the idea. When he went on he was a little more timid, though. “And, I mean, maybe we haven’t been quite as careful as we usually are lately, with all the intense wedding emotions in abundance. Maybe I’ve been a little overzealous these past few months…”

That was probably true enough, all things considered. There had been no shortage of enthusiasm on either of their parts, really, and he had never exactly been the best at being responsible, even though he did try his hardest. Not that blaming himself for putting them in this situation was particularly helpful for the creeping concern that was setting in. There wasn’t exactly much that could be done here in this little bungalow so removed from the world, but there were ways to at least have a bit of clarity.

“Look, let me run to the little shop in town and pick up a pregnancy test. I was literally just smoking a joint, and I’ve practically been drowning you in wine. Just humor me so that we know for sure. Then when it says you’re not pregnant, I can stop worrying about and we can enjoy the rest of the time,” he offered, very obviously conceding to her only so that she might actually agree to taking a test. Because he was already convinced that that was exactly what was happening.

Andromeda, just think of it. That was the entirety of her issue — she didn’t want to think about it. As little as she knew about pregnancy or babies or everything in between, she still knew very well what the initial symptoms could look like. Nausea. Fatigue. An absent cycle. All things she’d been experiencing off and on over the past few weeks. And after having been sick in front of Ted during the honeymoon, she couldn’t very well pretend like it hadn’t happened. If Andromeda had it her way, she’d have successfully written off the illness as a random stomach bug and left it at that, but she doubted Ted would have let her now. No matter how much she loved and cared for him, trusted him more than anyone she’d ever known and wouldn’t have considered building a family with anyone else, none of it mattered when it came to the possibility of having a baby now. The reasons were boundless. Not only were they so newly married, but there were dozens of other factors to considered — her complicated feelings on the matter, their financial situation, the war that was brewing just beyond their doorstep. No, she honestly couldn’t even consider that scenario. 

And so, the panic was tied up neatly with a bow and tucked away, swiftly replaced by nonchalance and ease. His prediction was correct: Andromeda had already made up her mind. Though, yes, he did have a point — they’d had their fair share of intimacy in the weeks leading up to the wedding, some moments more careful than others. “Sure, some bits...overlap,” she agreed with a frown. “But I don’t think being sick and all automatically means I’m pregnant. And,” she added, “for the record, we were both equally zealous.” It didn’t exactly help her case that she could think of a few instances right off the bat in which they could have forgotten to be responsible in the heat of the moment. 

It was likely that Ted knew she’d agree to humor him, no matter what he asked of her, but particularly given their current setting. He wouldn’t be able to enjoy the rest of their honeymoon if he didn’t find some amount of concrete certainty. It was odd, really, to have their perspectives reversed; Andromeda was typically the one demanding facts, whereas he was more apt to leave life up to fate. She would have laughed, perhaps pointed it out to him and teased him, if he wasn’t staring at her so seriously. Like he was afraid he would break her. Or, she supposed, that he already had considering he was already spouting concerns about weed and wine.

If he would relax again and lapse back into the leisurely honeymoon mode, she’d take whatever test he wanted. “Fine, fine. Though — and I’ve got to be honest about my bias here — can’t say I’ve ever seriously dabbled in the world of Muggle medicine, much less a pregnancy test.” No matter how vaguely unsettled she was, she’d resolved herself to not being pregnant and proving it for his sake, and thus her expression remained fairly unconcerned as she briefly touched his cheek. “Just don’t worry yourself into an oblivion before you get yourself there and back here, alright?”