athenawalks - Tumblr blog

athenawalks · 3 years ago

Text

Look for me--and more!

I went to Jagna to pay for my appliance loan at BMPC and bought medicines for my mama. Although I am a type of person who easily forgets everything, I am very careful when it comes to money especially if it’s not mine. Yes, I borrowed money from mama because I just resigned from SJBA without anything left in my pocket and I’m still waiting for a call regarding my appointment from the DepEd Division Office. As usual, I took a jeepney ride going home. When I was about to get off the jeep, I felt something falling from the left pocket of the jogging pants I was wearing. I automatically thought that it might be mama’s ATM Card which I brought with me since she also asked me to withdraw a small amount from her bank account. The others who were with me also noticed something fell off from my pocket. One saw the card and gave it to me. Because the scene took some minutes, I hurriedly got off the jeep when the card was handed to me. Upon arriving at our doorstep, I calculated in my head how much I spent and realized I only got 120 left in my pocket!

My memory is still clear that I had more than 500 pesos left! I immediately told manang about it but she couldn’t help me since she’s also busy so I ran to my manong and asked a favor to take me to the jeepney station where the jeepney I took a ride on might be heading to. It was a relief seeing a red jeepney parking near a carenderia! With fingers crossed, I tried to search for the money inside the jeep but I didn’t see anything. I looked for the driver and found him eating inside the carenderia and asked if he or some of the commuters found a 500-peso bill inside but he said he didn’t and none of the commuters also notified him. With so much desperation, I got back to the jeep and looked again. The owner of the carenderia who seems to know me helped me searched under the seats and voila! She found folded group of bills which includes a yellow one! It wasn’t just 500, it was 870! I thanked the lady for helping me and manong and I left with a full relief.

LESSON LEARNED?

Aside from not wearing something with shallow pockets when going out to buy something, I realized something bigger.

If you think something is falling or getting off from you, consider everything that comes with it. You might not notice that something of greater value had also fell off because you were only focused on the thing which you think you lost.

If only I had checked everything inside my pocket, I would have known that I was also about to lose a large amount of money.

THIS IS A NOTE TO MYSELF BUT I THINK YOU COULD ALSO LEARN FROM ME.

#notetoself #journal #bemindful

0 notes

athenawalks · 3 years ago

Photo

It’s okay to not be okay.

Photo Credits: @dalteokki on Twitter

1 note · View note

athenawalks · 4 years ago

Text

Bad Day

(Originally written in 2014)

I woke up late in the morning with a frown on my face. I don't know but I can't figure out my problem, what am I being sad of, or why can't I wear those smiles. I just can't put up a smile on my face for a reason that I don't know. I don't know what to think, what to do? I just can't stop thinking for nothing!

It was 7:30 in the morning when I reached the school. I still can't stop thinking what my mother told me, "You are nothing but a burden! I regret why I have a daughter like you!" I cried hard.

I didn't even realize that I was crying when I was riding in the tricycle going to school. I entered our classroom and found my papers on my table. And those were five quizzes with very low scores. The sight was just so irritating. That was because of myself alone! I kept blaming myself because of that thing, the whole period. Our Math teacher then entered the classroom. She was bringing the grade sheets with her. I kept myself calm when she called me. Then I saw my grade--a very disappointing grade. I have always hated that subject but I know I'm not really bad on it. My friend tried to cheer me up but it didn't work.

Later came recess, and I found out I wasn’t able to bring the money my brother gave me last night for my snacks. I was hoping that some of my friends would approach and offer me food but they didn't. They were so busy in their lives that they forgot about me at that time. I endured that empty stomach until I reached home. I was really hungry but when I saw the food, I lost my appetite and refused to eat and preferred to drink coffee. Well, that's what I do whenever I distaste food being served on our table. I left home, still with an empty stomach. I now have money to buy but I wasn’t feeling hungry anymore. I tried to look at the food displayed in the canteen but I didn't like them all. I went back to our classroom when I suddenly felt an ache in my head. I wanted to go home because the pain was unbearable, but I knew that I still have many things to do for our club so I endured what I was feeling and acted as if I'm okay. I made a program for our club in the computer lab but unfortunately the PC shut down when I accidentally turned off the AVR. I felt so rankled that I have to start typing the whole program I made all over again because I wasn’t able to save it and the computer didn’t automatically restore everything. My headache got worse. I hurriedly picked up my bag and went to the gate. The school guard didn't believe me at first. I tried my best to convince him to let me out even without our class adviser knowing, with my voice cracking. After a few minutes of begging, he finally let me out.

Now I'm on my bed, crying in pain and for all the bad things that happened to me. I even had a thought of hanging myself for being miserable and having nothing but problems this day. I realized that it is really hard to be a student--not merely just a student, but a student like me. But I stood up, looked at myself in the mirror, tried to put up a smile in this sad face, and said, "This is just a bad day, not a bad life.”

-fin-

0 notes

athenawalks · 4 years ago

Text

A Daughter’s Story

(Date originally written: November 9, 2013)

I sat on my bed reading the notes that are kept in my drawer for a long time. I stared at the pictures on my wall. I can't help but reminisce all the things that happened in my life to the point that I would ask my self if these are all real.

All of us want a complete, happy family. Yes, they call it "one big happy family" and I am proud to be among those who have.

I have one big happy family. I have two siblings, a girl and a boy. My mother works as a teacher and my father works as an engineer. And I, as the eldest, am the one who takes care of my younger brother and sister. We were so close with each other. I can always see my father and mother's love to each other. We love them and they love us too. We live in a simple and a peaceful home. That, I can really say, I am very blessed with the life I have.

Apparently, those are not true. I had the opposite of a life that I dream. Yes, I have two siblings. Our youngest died when she was two months old. I have a brother, a brother that is really near yet so far away from me. He smokes, drinks, and does whatever he wants in life. As the eldest, I must be the one to keep an eye on him. But I can't. He doesn't share his problems to me and doesn't care if I get hurt in whatever he does.

I have a father, a father who doesn't have dreams for us, his children. He is not an engineer, he is a carpenter. He doesn't smoke, but he drinks a lot almost everyday. I don't know if he doesn't care for us or he just hate the life he has. He provides us food, but not everyday. He pays our tuition fees, but sometimes only. Does he love us? Maybe. Does he love our mom? Maybe.

And yes, I have a mother, a mother who doesn't live with us. She is not a teacher, but a nanny of a foreigner's child. Yes, she lives outside the country--in a place I don’t even know where. She left us when I was eight years old while my brother was four years old. She has accounts on some social media sites and I keep sending her messages even though I rarely receive replies. Her messages were just the same. She would always say, "I love you. Please understand." At an early age, I became a mother of our family. Yes, we have a simple home, but not as peaceful as you think. My father and I would always argue about the things that he doesn't understand about us, his family. Now, am I fortunate? I am blessed?

My story doesn't end there. My mother came home and finally lived with us. I thought we would be finally happy but I was wrong. They got annulled and we got separated. I lived with my mother while my brother lived with my father. We never saw each other again until we knew about their situation. My brother got prisoned for murder and my father was suffering from liver cirrhosis. We lived with my father again and took care of him. He didn't want us to send him to the hospital.

Every time we visit my brother, he doesn't speak or say anything. He'll just stare at us with anger then walk out. Until one day, he finally told us that he had to do unimaginable things for our father's condition. I was dumbfounded. I couldn't imagine my brother could do such thing. He killed someone for our father to live. While I, the elder one, living in comfort with my mother. I did nothing. I shouldn't have left them. I should've convinced them not to get annulled. I shouldn't have lost hope... I should have fought for our family.....

"Mom, you're crying! It's not time to cry, it's Christmas!"

"You saw me crying again, Kaye..."

"Why, oh why, mom... Is it about your rude student again?"

She walked towards me and sat beside me. She then looked at the paper I was reading.

"Woah, after three years, you finally read it! Mom, if you are still thinking of your family in the past, just think of us now. Aren't you happy to be blessed with an engineer husband who's oh-so-handsome and faithful and very cute children like us?"

She flashed a big smile.

I looked at her straight in the eyes and saw my reflection. I smiled and hugged her. Really, behind every girl is a daughter's story.

-fin-

1 note · View note

athenawalks · 4 years ago

Text

Siraulozoned

(A very short story I posted on Wattpad 8 years ago)

Sa wakas. May number na rin ako ni Annie. Makaka-text ko na siya! Horaaaayyy for today! Tatlong buwan ko rin itong hinintay. At tatlong buwan ko ring inisip kung paano magkaroon ng number niya. Talagang nanghalungkat pa ako sa Registrar's Office ng school dun sa contacts section. Thank you Lord!

At dahil meron na akong number niya...

Itetext ko na siya! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, start!

Ehem. Teka, ano bang itetext ko sa kanya? Bahala na si Spiderman, si Thor at si Nobita! Aja! Kaya mo yan Kevin! Tatlong buwan mo ring pinapantasya si Annie. It's time na para umamin! Yeah!!!!

Pinondot ko ang aking cellphone nang nakangisi.

*composing new message*

hAE aNnIE. . . C kEvIn pAla tOwH. . . gAnItO lAng aKoWh pEroWh mAbAiT rIn aKoWh. . . aHmMmF. , , aT mArUnOwNg dIn aKoWnG mAgMaHaL. . . aLaM mOwH bA, . . nUng tInUlAk kItA sA hAgDaNaN. , , dI kOwH yUn sInAsAdYa! ! ! sObRaNg nAgAnDaHaN lAnG tAlAgA aKowH sAyOwH kAyA nAwAlA aKoWh sA sAriLi. . . yUn DiNg bInAtO kItA nG pAinTbRuSh, . nAgSeLoS kAsi aKo dUn sA lAlAkeNg kAsAmA mOwH. . . sIyA sAna bAbAtuHin kOwH kAsO nAdUlAs kAmAy kOwH, . . tSaKa yUng nApUnIt kO nG pInUnG pInO yUnG tEsTpApEr mOwH sA eXaM, . . nAnGinIg kAse kAmAy kOwH nUnG iNiAaBot kO iYoN sAiYoWh. . . pErOwH iTo nA tAlAgA aNnIE. . . . I lOvE yOwH! ! ! ! tOtOo yAn aNnIE hInDi aKoWh nAgBiBiRo. . . mAhAl kItA sAnA mAhAliN mOwH rIn aKoWh. . . pLeAZeEeE. . . mWuAaAh! ! !

*sending to aNnIE mHy lAvZ*

*sent*

Hayy salamat tapos na rin. Sana magreply agad siya. Please po!!!!! Please!!!!!

Agad-agad ay tumunog ang aking cellphone.

*1 message received*

Wahahahahahahaha!!!! Thank you Lord!!!! Nagreply si Annie!!!!! Whaaaaaaa!!!!! Kami na!!!! Kami na!!!!! Magpapakasal na kami bukas!!!!! Tapos, magho-honeymoon na kami!!!! Tapos, magkakaanak kami!!!!! Tapos, magkakaroon na kami ng masayang pamilya!!!! Tapos, kakain kami sa Jollibee!!!!

*opening message*

From: aNnIE mHy lAvZ

Hahahahahahaha. SIRAULO.

Siraulo? Ano yun? Mahal nya na rin ako? Ikakasal na kami bukas? Tapos magho-honeymoon kami? Tapos magkakaanak kami? Tapos magkakaroon ng masayang pamilya? Tapos kakain sa Jollibee?

-Wakas-

Salamat sa pagbabasa! HAHAHAHAHAHA

0 notes

athenawalks · 4 years ago

Text

Masqueraded

(A poem I wrote after one of my teachers back in HS told me something I wouldn’t forget)

She told me I'm no place, I said I know.

They asked if I'm okay, I said they already know.

I smiled, I didn't.

I'm happy, I'm not.

I always say I'm fine.

Though it's never in my line.

I always say I'm good.

But in fact I've always been misunderstood.

To be in disguise is what I always do.

Scared to be neglected, scared to be hated too.

No one knows I always hide this feeling,

that each second my world is crashing...

0 notes

athenawalks · 7 years ago

Text

My Philosophies in Life

Having been on Earth for already two decades, I have developed a view in life that served as a telescope in directing me to a perspective that I should be looking at. Along with this outlook are the philosophies that have come out as products of my experiences. Grounded with the lessons I have learned in life, I believe that:

We should always do our best. In everything we do, we should always give out our best. The importance of always aiming high is that when we stumble, we wouldn't hurt that much because we would probably not end up in rock bottom. If possible, we must be innovative and creative with everything we make. We must use our resources effectively and avoid wasting a single thing. I also believe that taking full responsibility with tasks we are given with is part of doing our best. Even if we are just mere members of a certain group, we must instill in our minds that our roles are essential to the success of the project of the group. But along with doing our best, we must also prepare ourselves with the possible downfalls that we me way encounter in our lives and accept everything that will happen beyond our control. Because after all, we are not God. We cannot do everything. And that doing our best does not equate to being perfect.

We should be honest, as much as possible. I know I should be saying, "Always be honest" but as I have traveled life for years, I have realized that we cannot just tell every single thing we know because there are just things that are better left unsaid or we aren't just the right person to spill the tea. What I meant with being honest is to never copy the work of others except if you have obtained permission from them. Personally, I don't like being copied because first, I am the one who poured full energy and shed sweat and it is just unfair that someone will copy mine who did nothing but to wait 'til I'm done. And secondly, I don't want others to be dependent on me, as if they could not use their minds when they are supposed to be using it in the first place because another thing I hate about copying is that it prevents us from growing and becoming better individuals.

We should be kind, sometimes. We have been taught that we should always be kind but as I have grown older, I learned that it doesn't apply every time. Having known a lot of people in this world, you would turn out pathetic if you are just too good. There are people who will just deceive you, take advantage from you and will eventually leave you if they’re already done with you. There are also people who always think of themselves, they are just good with you when they need your help but if it's already you who needs a hand, gone are those faces. But behind those undesirable traits that people may have, we should still remain kind, at times when it is needed, at times when there is no one who is able to do it, and at times when love has to be showed.

We should not judge others. We were born with different qualities that make us unique from each other. We live with different worlds of our own, with different people, and with different circumstances. Thus, each one of us have different stories and yes, we are all children of the past. Accordingly, we should not judge others with the way they behave, the way they talk, the way they react in different circumstances, and in everything they are. Likewise, we don't want to be judged in any way because no one knows our real story. We were meant to just love each other and accept our differences because in the end, we are all equal in the eyes of the one who created us.

We should always get up whenever we fall. As the saying goes, "Fall 7 times, get up 8 times." None of us can ever be perfect. We have weaknesses, we encounter challenges, and experience oppression. These moments lead us to stumble in our way and fall off track. But I believe these happen in our lives because we need them to shape ourselves and some of them are God's way of redirecting us to a better path. Hence, we should get up right away so we would not miss the surprises waiting for us ahead.

Everything has a reason. I believe that everything happens for a reason. We are just humans, there are things that the human mind can never contain and that's the Wisdom of God. We may not understand a lot of things that are happening to us today, but someday, we will. We should stop worrying about failing because God is always there to listen to us and guide us to the right way. We should stop making our life perfect because it's never been our job to do it. Let us not be in control with our life, let God do it.

#thoughtsaboutlife

0 notes

athenawalks · 8 years ago

Text

The Covenant

Happiness is a choice.

That was from a paper I found in my mother's closet long time ago which I never understood--the same thing that makes me shatter every time I try to wake up in the morning not knowing what happiness really is.

Mama was the best woman I've known. She cooks so good that she was always hired by many households to cook every fiesta. She had a lot of friends, inside and outside our city. She was a happy person. She was even dubbed as 'darling of the barangay' in our place.

Mama was also the best mother. She took care of me and my younger brother, Leon, like it's her last day with us. She was a very energetic person which made her seem like shouting every time she speaks. But despite that, she never raised her voice at us. She never scolded us. I even never saw her got angry nor quarreled with papa. She loved us, we knew that. We were a happy family. We were great. My life was just perfect...

I almost thought it was.

One day, my father lost his job which made everything else fall from their places. Business is a world where only witty and intelligent people survive, and even those who have lucky charms--they say. And unfortunately, he was too good to be one and we weren't that enough as his lucky charms. The next thing we found out was, we were already heavily in debt. To lighten up our situation, my mother looked for any work. But being unable to finish high school, she wasn’t able to find any work other than cooking, to low-class restaurants or carenderias which only pay a little. She didn't like the idea, so she widened her reach. She started to cook 'province-wide' in fiestas. She comes home every night still with a smile on her face. Though tired, she still tells us stories for us to sleep. Until she had a lot of invitations from every town that she would just come home once a week.

Papa, still being unable to find any good-paying job, came home one night with a pale and very ragged face. Mama wasn't home yet. He didn't talk to us Leon and I. He walked straight to their room and lock himself inside. He didn't come out the next morning until the evening so I had to open the door with a duplicate key that I found above our aparador. I opened it and Leon got inside first. He ran towards papa who was lying in their wide bed. When I got near them, Leon was already sobbing, caressing the face of papa who was not moving and barely breathing. I wanted to call mama, I wanted to cry, but my body didn't allow me to. The next thing I knew, Leon was already shouting, calling for help in our neighborhood.

Papa was sent to the hospital. Minutes later, mama came and was crying so hard which I saw for the first time in my life. It was the most painful thing I have ever seen, and it broke my heart. When Leon was already asleep, mama talked to me. With tears running down her cheeks, she forced a smile and cupped my face. I didn't cry, I never did. Tears won't just come out of from eyes.

"You'll be in grade 4 and Leon will be in grade 2 next year, right?" She asked, and I nodded in response.

"I'll be selling our house and all our properties to pay the hospital bills. Next week, you and Leon will be living at lola's. And as soon as papa gets well, I--I----" her voice cracked. I hugged her, and she cried harder. She was in her weakest.

She tried to compose herself again and continued, "I'll be leaving you. I'll fly to Poland cause they're looking for good cooks there. I'll have a great job there and we'll be over with our debts. I'll buy you anything you and Leon wants. And while I'm away, you'll take care of him, okay? You'll both help lola in the chores and don't forget to---"

"I will mama. But you will come back right after you'll earn enough money, right?" I said, to stop her from saying for more. It felt like her words slowly pierced my heart.

"I will, Louisa. I will. I promise, I'll be home before Christmas, next year. We'll celebrate it with papa, Leon, and lola. Promise me also that you'll wait for me at the gate because I'll be bringing heavy luggage full of gifts for all of you." She smiled again and wiped her tears.

"I will mama, I promise."

True to her words, mama left us when papa had already recovered.

"Remember our promises?" she said while bidding goodbye to us.

"Yes mama, our promises," I smiled and a tear escaped from my eye. She kissed me in the forehead and hugged the three of us.

Time flew fast, I was already in grade 4 and Leon was already in grade 2. Indeed, mama sent us money and packages, and everything we wanted. December 24 came and I was so excited. I didn't even help preparing the food because I was just standing near our gate all day long, waiting for her to come. I would hug her so tight and help her carry bundles of gifts that she would bring for us. I'd also give her my gift, my trophy when I won a pageant in our school!

I hoped and prayed. I prepared myself for the most awaited part of my life. But she didn't come. I thought that her work just got extended and she'll just come home the next Christmas, so I waited. But three years have passed and three Christmas had gone, still she didn't come. She never came. She was nowhere to be found in Facebook and we couldn't reach her anymore.

I hated her. I hated her for not coming home for us. I hated her for hurting us each day with her promises she said before she vanished in our lives. I stopped hoping for her return. I busied myself with my studies. I tried to forget her and all about her.

And oh, it's Christmas again. Funny because I'm here sitting near our gate, waiting for someone--someone I couldn't forget, someone I couldn't hate all my life. How many Christmas came after that? I lost count already.

"Auntie, why are you there? Won't you eat butu talad? It's our favorite!" Shouted a boy around four. I looked at him. He is indeed a carbon copy of Leon.

"Yes baby Louie. Just for a while, okay?" I smiled at him. He stared at me and smiled back, displaying his dimples. He then went inside again. I could hear him telling Leon what I just said. So adorable.

I went outside and saw children with their mothers caroling on the streets. They looked so happy. I sat on a wooden bench outside our gate. I was looking at the sky full of stars shining brightly when someone held my hand. It was a girl. She was crying because I heard her sobs. I slowly turned to her as my body already aches every time I move. From my already blurred vision, I saw a familiar face; she looked like me when I was younger. And she looked like someone--someone who made a promise with me, 50 years ago.

-fin-

#promises daughter mother

1 note · View note

athenawalks · 8 years ago

Text

Wrong All Along

(Tagalog-English Short Story)

There are really things in this world that have boundaries. Just like friendship. Once the borders are crossed, everything will eventually change. You may be able to go back from where you were before, but you will never find the things where you left them. You'll just end up wishing to bring things back... When you were the one who made those pieces broken in the first place.

Drew and I are already friends back in elementary. When second year high school came, we became close friends. Hanggang sa third year high school ay naging mag-best friends kami. We share the same sentiments about Math and we've always loved cats. We were inseparable. Hindi rin kami makaligtas sa mga pang-aasar ng mga kaklase namin. Hindi ba naman makumpleto ang araw namin ng walang nagtitilian sa classroom namin dahil sa sobrang sweet daw namin. Sabi nga nila, bagay daw kami. Well, I just shrugged the idea off. Alam ko naman and I'm firm with myself that we can't go further from that.

But the hypocrite I am.

Tatlong araw ang lumipas na hindi nagpakita si Drew. Walang alam ang teacher namin at hindi ko rin siya ma-contact. Nahihiya rin akong pumunta sa kanila para tanungin kung anong nanyari sa kanya. At sa hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan, natakot ako. Hindi ako nakapag-isip ng tama because my mind seemed to be nowhere, or maybe somewhere trying to run before these little freaking creatures flying inside my stomach. I became literally crazy, that even hearing his name sent shivers all over my body. Nasaktan nalang ako nang malaman kong na-ospital pala siya. He had bronchitis.

I wanted to visit him. I badly wanted to see him, for God's sake! But I stopped myself. Natakot ako na baka kapag nakita ko siya ay yakapin ko nalang siya ng sobrang higpit and say things that shouldn't be said. So I waited for Monday, hoping that I'd finally see him pagkatapos ng isang nakakabaliw na linggo.

Malapit na ako sa classroom namin nang bigla akong kinabahan. And just right through there, I saw him leaning at the door with his hands on both of his pockets, smiling at me. It felt like worms were crawling in my stomach. I could even hear a loud pounding sound inside my chest. Everything in the background went blur and the only sharp figure I saw was him. It may even sound cliché but it seemed like I was in slo-mo.

"I missed you." I was snapped back to reality. Hindi ko man lang narealize na nasa harap ko na pala siya. Wait---What did he just say?

"I missed you more." Nagulat ako sa sinabi ko. Gusto ko lang iuntog ang sarili ko sa pader for responding. I just can't take back what I said. This is horrible!

"Well I guess missing each other is normal with best friends." He said and smirked.

"But I love you. I love you more than just being friends." Where are those coming from?! I just said that straight without looking away from his eyes. Walangya! Gusto ko nang malamon ng lupa, ngayon din! This is shame!

His smile faded. Halatang-halata na hindi siya makapaniwala sa kanyang mga narinig. Wait, ayoko pa atang ma-reject. Hindi pa ako handa!

Yumuko ako sa kahihiyan at pinikit ang aking mga mata. Panaginip lang 'to diba?

"Oh damn. I love you too Amethyst! I've waited for the perfect time, and this came!" He was screaming in joy. I looked up at nakita kong abot tenga ang kanyang ngiti. Halos magtatalon na siya sa tuwa. I couldn't believe the sight I'm seeing. If this is just a dream, please don't bother waking me up.

The next thing I knew, our classmates were already hooting, squealing, and screaming. There are even others who cried. Ang OA ba? Siguro.

"Waaah! Drew! Amethyst! Bagay talaga kayo!"

"Sabi ko na e. Magkakatuluyan rin kayo!"

"Huhuhu! Drew! Bakeeeet! Ako nalang Drew!"

"Drew! Am! Gosh! We're happy for you!"

I was about to run away but he held my hand. I was like electrified that it made my feet glued on the floor.

"Don't run away please. Let them think what they want to think. You see, there's no point of denying to them what we really feel for each other." He said with a hushed tone. Pero kahit ganun yun kahina, dinig na dinig ito ng aking mga tenga.

"S-so... Y-you... A-and... I---" Great, I'm stammering.

"What do you think?" Sabi niya habang tinitigan ako ng maigi na para bang naghihintay ng magandang sagot.

"U-uhm... Yes." He's right. I guess hindi naman siguro masama ang magpahayag ng totoong nararamdaman 'di ba?

"YOU HEARD IT? SHE SAID YES!" Grabe ang hyper niya. Ni hindi mo aakalaing galing ito na-ospital. Kulang nalang yata ay mag-somersault siya sa saya.

Isn't it ironic?

Ako ang unang nag-confess. I also said 'yes' sa tanong na hindi naman nagtatanong kung pwede ba niya akong maging girlfriend. Pero naging kami. Obviously because everything made sense.

He became sweeter, caring, and loving than he was before and I was a bit awkward about it. I am now seeing a different Drew, a more lovable one. Ang swerte ko naman talaga sa kanya. Maging boyfriend mo ba naman ang isa sa mga natitirang matitinong lalaki sa mundo.

Pero parang nagulat nalang ako nang isang araw ay maaga akong gumising na para bang gusto kong mag-isang pumunta ng school. I suddenly wanted to be away from him. I kept myself so busy and be surrounded with my other friends the whole day that he didn't get a chance to talk to me or even go near me.

It was still the fourth day after I told him that I love him but what I'm feeling right now is already different. Parang may mali.

Saturday came. I was putting my clothes in our washing machine when my phone beeped. Nagtaka naman ako dahil nagtext si Junny. He's my gay friend who works at our school to get his tuition and miscellaneous fees free. Working scholar kumbaga. But we're not that close. Nagtetext lang siya sa akin 'pag may emergency.

Hi beh. Si Drew to. Nakikitext lang. I hope you're okay. Galit ka ba? May problema ka? Can we talk, please? I miss you so bad. I love you.

So it's Drew. If I haven't mentioned, he's also a working scholar. Hindi sila mahirap pero pinili niyang tumayo sa sarili niyang paa. Sa isang private school kasi kami nag-aaral. Kaya para malibre siya sa miscellaneous fee, pinili niyang magtrabaho sa library namin. And he works until Saturday. Mabuti nga napilit niya ang admin ng school na tanggapin siya. Matalino rin kasi at sobrang sipag pa. Oo na, ang swerte ko na masyado.

Pero kahit na... May mali lang talaga e.

Hindi ako nagreply. I din't know what to say. Hindi ako galit. Wala rin akong problema. Everything is fine--except this freaking erratic feeling. Can we talk? I don't know. Everything just don't feel right. Parang... Nawawala na yung feelings ko para sa kanya.

Maybe I just don't really love him. Maybe I just missed him that time. Maybe I just misunderstood the feeling. Maybe I was wrong all along...

I slept on Sunday night still with lots of maybe's in my mind. And when I woke up, I already knew what to do. I woke up early and wrote a letter. Ayokong saktan siya ng harap-harapan, kaya sa sulat ko nalang sasabihin ang lahat.

When I went to school, dali-dali kong hinanap si Drew. Wala siya sa classroom. Wala rin siya sa library. Nagulat nalang ako nang may humila sa akin. Si Lyka, kaklase ko.

"Grabe ka Am! Ang excited mo masyado! Halika. Andito siya oh!" Sabi niya habang hila-hila ako papunta kung saan. Later then I realized nasa gilid na pala kami ng Science Lab. At mula sa kinatatayuan ko, nakita ko ang isang gwapong nilalang na papalapit sa akin na may dalang bouquet ng mga dilaw na rosas. Alam niya kasing paborito ko ito.

Okay na sana e. Kaso wala ng sparks. Wala akong maramdaman.

"Amethyst..." He was smiling from ear to ear. Oh my God. Paano ko ito gagawin ngayong ang saya-saya niya?

"Uhm, hi," awkward kong sabi. Binigay naman niya sa akin ang hawak-hawak niyang bouquet. Ano ba 'to. Bakit ako itong naiiyak? He's making it harder for me to do this!

"Happy weeksary beh." Hindi pa rin nawawala ang kanyang ngiti.

Hindi ako sumagot. But instead, kinuha ko ang kamay niya at inilagay ang sulat na kanina ko pa dala-dala. And the moment he unfolded the paper, I immediately ran away. I'm sorry Drew. Pero baka lumala lang ang lahat 'pag pinatagal ko pa 'to. I hope you'll forgive me.

The day went on na parang walang nangyari, na parang wala akong ginawang masama. Normal lang siya nung bumalik siya sa klase. I didn't even saw pain in his eyes. Talaga bang nasaktan ko siya?

Lumipas ang mga araw at ganoon pa rin siya. I can still see the Drew in him. Kalat na rin sa buong klase na break na kami. Pero hindi nila alam kung paano nangyari. Hindi ko naman kasi sinabi at siguro siya rin. Sino ba namang lalaki ang magmamalaki kung paano siya hiniwalayan ng isang babae? Hindi na rin kami naging close pa ulit kagaya ng dati. Pero hindi dahil hindi na niya ako nilalapitan o kinakausap, pero dahil nahihiya at the same natatakot ako sa kanya. In short, ako ang kusang lumayo. Para kasing may napakalaking utang ako sa kanya na di ko mababayaran kailanman. I also had new friends. And I found out may mga bago na rin siyang barkada. Naging panatag na ulit ang loob ko. That, I was finally happy.

Ang bilis nga ng panahon e. Nasa fourth year college na ako ngayon. At habang nagsusulat ako ng panibago kong short story sa Wattpad, may magandang babae na tumabi sa akin.

"Ano 'yan Alonzo? Short story na naman? Oh, 'The Covenant'... Alam mo, ba't 'di mo kaya kami gawan ng story ni Cruzo? Yung fairy tale. Ako ang pinakamagandang babae sa balat ng lupa at siya naman ang pinakapangit at pinakamabahong lalaking nag-exist sa mundo! HAHAHAHAHA! cajsdfgdhHAHAHAHA! Tapos---Tapos---HAHAHAHAHbhjdkgf\pffhgbhgpf." Hawak-hawak na niya ang kamay sa katatawa, ni-hindi niya matapos ang gusto niyang sabihin. Grabe talaga 'tong babaeng 'to. Kung hindi lang 'to maganda, mabait, at matalino e marami nang matuturn-off dito. Ganyan siya. Gagawa ng joke tapos siya lang din ang tatawa. At dahil sa kung anumang meron siya, mahahawa ka rin sa katatawa. Kung nakikita naman niyang hindi ka natatawa, kikilitiin ka niya. At heto nga, she's poking my neck! Dito pa naman ang kiliti ko!

"Oh come on Sanchez! Stop that!" Mangiyak-mangiyak kong sabi. Lokaret talaga 'tong babaeng to. Paglaruan ba naman yung boyfriend niya. Tumayo naman siya ng nakangisi at iniwan ako. See? Baliw talaga no?

"Mahaaaaal! 'San ka ba nanggaling? Halika! May story kaming is-share ni Alonzo!" Natatawa pa niyang sabi. Ang swerte lang ng boyfriend niya. No wonder bakit sila pa hanggang ngayon. Four years in relationship. Sobrang tibay lang nila.

"Uy, Amethyst."

Parang sumabog yung puso ko sa lakas ng pintig nito.

"H-hi... Drew."

Haven't I shared to you that I wasn't really happy in our last prom in high school because I was expecting someone's invitation? That I got hurt when I heard him say "past is past" when a friend of mine asked him in a camp if he still have feelings for me? That I cried when I knew that he courted a girl a year after I broke up with him? That I always get excited when my birthday comes because he always greet me at twelve midnight? That I'd run to the nearest load retailer store if I have no load whenever he texts me? That it pains me every time we're together knowing the fact that I can never have him back in my life anymore? And that I've been living a miserable life for the past three years seeing him happily with a girl that he would marry after a year now?

Yes. I've been sleeping at night full of regrets since I left him hanging. And the only beautiful memory I have with him was the one that I once thought the most stupid and embarrassing day in my whole my life.

Sadly, I was wrong all along...again.

-fin-

#shortstory #taglish

2 notes · View notes