atomicphil

[atomicphil]

Yall i just got an email from tumblr saying I interacted with accounts made by the IRA …… is this even real????

The internet is wild

[atomicphil]

💯

[atomicphil]

Tummy: Eating was a Mistake

Me: But you were hungry???

Tummy: No I wasn't, that was me testing you.

Me: ????

Tummy: You failed.

[atomicphil]

some door-to-door scammer when my parents aren't home: are you 18?

me, turning 24 in two weeks: no sorry

[atomicphil]

some door-to-door scammer when my parents aren't home: are you 18?

me, turning 24 in two weeks: no sorry

[atomicphil]

person: you're pretty cool!

me: oh my god prepare to be very disappointed

[atomicphil]

[atomicphil]

Interviewer: So, Mr Loaf...

Meat Loaf: please, call me meat

[atomicphil]

Me: *makes a small irrelevant mistake*

My Brain, banging pots and pans together: YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUC

Me: *makes huge mistake that will directly affect my future horribly*

My Brain, lounging on a lawn chair with shades on: ....acknowledged

[atomicphil]

me: please don't panic and overanalyze things again

brain: how bout i do a n y w a y

[atomicphil]

why do people say “don’t be a pussy” when talking about weakness more like “don’t be a man’s ego” because you know there isn’t nothing more fragile than that

[atomicphil]

crabs are so gentle, they can be so kind. their claws? precise little things, so careful in the sand, so careful with food. they do what they must to live and wave their claws to express their joy to the world for giving so much to them, for giving such kindness to these creatures known as crabs. please be gentle to crabs

[atomicphil]

Whenever you’re feeling sudden calm its because I took your voodoo doll out for a picnic on a grassy hill

[atomicphil]

reminder that there’s a scene from the clone wars cartoon where c3po literally does a striptease

[atomicphil]

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[atomicphil]

[atomicphil]