Roland Patrick Mundschau-Holdridge Born at 6:33 AM on June 30th, 2015 weighing 7 pounds 7 ounces and measuring 20 inches long died on July 15th, 2015 and shattered the hearts of parents James and Kelsey. This blog is to help me heal, if you can relate I want to help you too. Growing Roland's younger brother Hendrix due in May. A little about me (Kelsey) mother of an angel, obsessed with baking and creating, yoga and dance junkie.
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Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes. Notice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more. You’re doing just fine.
Charlotte Eriksson
(via
alunit
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(via baimbie)
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It is Roland's first birthday today. Very very hard day. Henri is in his outfit today, tomorrow we are having ice cream cake with family. Today I am crying.
#baby angel#angel mommy#angel baby#rainbow#rainbowbaby#momofloss#PALS#afterloss#infantloss#birthday#oneyear#holdonimcrying#icanneverholdmyoldestchildagain
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The truth is that sometimes, there is nothing you could have done to stop them from leaving you; from hurting you; from hating you; from breaking you.
And to hold yourself responsible for something that you could not have stopped is senseless and painful. So stop, take a breath, and refocus your energy towards loving yourself, nourishing yourself, healing yourself, and hugging yourself.
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I miss you, And not in a “it’s one in the morning, I’m so lonely, looking through old pictures” kind of way. I miss you, In a “my friends are all laughing, and so am I, but somehow you still haven’t left my mind” kind of way. I miss you, And not in a “someone asked me how you were today and I realized I didn’t know the answer” kind of way. I miss you, In a “nobody has brought you up in months, but I still tell stories about you” kind of way. I miss you, And not in a “it’s Valentine’s Day and I’m alone” kind of way. I miss you, In a “you did well on a test and I want to be the first person you tell” kind of way. I miss you. I don’t just miss the idea of you. I miss you.
excerpt from an unfinished book #59 // “breaking up is hard to do” (via un-predictible)
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Nights are honestly the worst.
So scared. Waiting for June 11 and it to be passed how long Roland lived for. I hope it will make me less fearful.
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11 months ago today we met our first son Roland, 4 days ago we met his little brother Hendrix for the first time. This next month will definitely be one of the most difficult periods of time for me, next month Roland would have been a year old and by that time Hendrix will be older than his brother was when he passed away. Is it painful? Yes but I love both of these little boys so so much and it's worth it. (Ps this is actually from yesterday)
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