atypicalfamily-blog

[atypicalfamily-blog]

[atypicalfamily-blog]

The Truth Behind Step Families

An Article about Step Families Written by Senica Raymundo As someone who is quite fond of watching the television, it is not rare to come across shows that display nothing but negative effects of having or being part of a step family. Harsh may it seem, there have been studies that actually prove step families are one perpetrator of psychological issues and sexual abuse. In the Philippines, I often encounter the word amain (stepfather) and it's always linked to sexual assaults inflicted toward young girls. Other than this, a large number of our population see step family as a kind that is out of the norms or does not surpass the standard of a perfect family. In a traditional and conservative society like ours, it is inevitable that step families are perceived as a Western practice and a deviance. 

The unavailability of divorce in the country perhaps is one of the reasons why step families are not as common here unlike abroad. There are still other factors, however, that enable two married people to legally unite--remarry, just like having a deceased spouse. A perfect example would be my grandfather whom lost his wife, my grandmother, to cancer. As a widower, in the country, one is entitled to legally marry again. My grandfather, after quite a few years, decided to marry again. This instance is seen practiced by local celebrities such as Camille Prats. Marrying the second time around to a different person can be challenging, especially when the both of you have children from past marriages. People who surround you will not be the only ones to have different opinions about it, but your very family also. One cannot simply tell whether remarrying will make or break a familial relationship. In the end, as difficult and as sure one can be, knowing the partner thoroughly matters, so that sexual, physical, and other forms of abuse can be avoided. It may have taken quite some time for me to process the fact that my grandfather before wanted to engage in a step family relationship. But getting to know who the person is and realizing how happy they both were helped me accept and learn that love can be found anywhere, at any given time, and should always be given another try.

[atypicalfamily-blog]

Blended: The Unspoken Truth About Stepfamilies Official Trailer Details: http://www.BlendedFamilyMovie.com Synopsis: Over the last century, sweeping changes in American family demographics have led to the breakneck growth of stepfamilies. Approximately one-third of all weddings in America today form stepfamilies. Despite the prevalence of step-parents as the virtual norm in modern day U.S. homes, direction on how to make stepfamilies transition, forge new relationships, strive and thrive has been scant—until now. Blended taps into the dynamic of this complex family structure, weaving emotional, first-hand stories from parents and children, who overcame serious obstacles to solidify their love, with expert advice from top family experts, to share surefire knowledge on how to make stepfamilies work.

[atypicalfamily-blog]

Beyond Kinship

From: http://www.step-family-matters.com/step-father-quotes-for-all-occasions/ Stepfathers are no less than those of blood:

The spirit is more comely than the flesh.

Equally, two mysteries might mesh,

Paired by nature or by neighborhood

Fathers are defined by how they love,

And not by how they multiply or breed.

Though you did not supply the primal seed,

How you’ve loved me does your kinship prove.

Each child must turn when life’s too hard to bear,

Regarding someone’s arms or empty air.

So do I turn, and always you are there.

[atypicalfamily-blog]

[atypicalfamily-blog]

A Sacrifice Abroad

An Article about OFW Parents Written by Jason Baylon

When I was four years old, my father left the Philippines for what I thought to be a vacation. However, he returned six months later, only to leave again after just a few weeks. I later came to understand that my father found work abroad, and was financially supporting us from his job in California. This was a difficult concept to wrap my head around as a child, but I later learned how ubiquitous the OFW parent is in the Philippines.

One of the most common occurrences in the Filipino family is that of the OFW parent. Because of the immense competition for work in the Philippines, many parents leave for foreign countries such as the United States or Saudi Arabia. Those Overseas Filipino Workers left their families behind, and sending funds gained from their hard work. OFW jobs are typically labor-related such as seafaring, domestic work, and nursing.

The history of OFWs as a cultural phenomenon dates back to the 1970s OCW (Overseas Contract Workers), of which Filipino men composed the majority of. They often left the Philippines for labor on oil rigs or construction projects in the Middle East. Later in the 80s and 90s, the service sector became a booming industry when women began leaving to fill in vacancies in the domestic and caregiving sectors around Asia. As of late, the Philippines is seen as a major source of labor migrants in the United States, ASEAN Community, and Middle East. Flash forward to the present day- a 2016 Survey on Overseas Filipinos estimates the number of OFWs to be at 2.2 Million, with females comprising 53% of the total OFWs. Nowadays, typical OFW occupations vary from hard labor to the service industry, and mostly, the health industry, with a vast number of Filipino men and women serving as nurses and caretakers abroad.

The large and growing number of OFWs has continued to contribute greatly to the improvement and rise of the Philippine economy – as reported by Business Inquirer, 2016 saw the influx of a record $26.9 billion sent home from overseas by Filipinos through banks, which was a 5% increase from 2015's $25.6 billion, and thusly accounting for 9.8% of the Philippine GDP that grew by 6.8% last year. However, despite this economic growth, the OFW situation's manifested effects in the Filipino family dynamic remain an issue.

While I did not grow up under a household with an OFW parent, there was a time between the ages of 4 and 7 when my dad worked in California while my mother took care of us in the Philippines. He would visit every six months or so, and while I was always happy to see him, it affected our family in many negative ways. My mother had a hard time raising my two sisters and I, as the burden of child raising was then entirely hers. While my father was able to provide financially, there were just so many other needs that a family required in order to healthily function. I was old enough to know who he was, but there were times when my sister, who was a toddler,  would cry out in fear because of what felt to her like a stranger was trying to hold her in his arms.

I feel as though those years had a minimal effect on my upbringing, but that is only because I was fortunate enough for my father to eventually bring us to America and complete the family again. Even while he was gone, I was able to see him every few months, and I was able to understand what was going on. Other children are not as fortunate, and it is a known commonality for many Filipino children to grow up missing one or both parents, being raised by close relatives instead. This may cause conflicts in their relationships with their real parents, due to feelings of abandonment or overall displacement due to social norms. According to Asis (2007), migration creates emotional displacement for migrants and their children.  

While the social effects of OFW parenting may be saddening at times, it is due to local economic conditions that many are given no choice but to leave the country behind and support their families from foreign soil. Possible solutions are deeply rooted in various problems with employment- finding sufficient work, finding decent pay to satisfy the needs of a family- all of which would require years of national cooperation to address as an economic problem. What can be done in the meantime is for families to try and maintain open communications with their children left behind, and to be educated on the psychological and social implications of OFW parenting.

References

[1] Asis, M. M. (2006). Living with migration: Experiences of left-behind children in the Philippines. Asian Population Studies, 2(1), 45-67http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17441730600700556 [2] Madianou, M., & Miller, D. (2011). Mobile phone parenting: Reconfiguring relationships between Filipina migrant mothers and their left-behind children. New media & society, 13(3), 457-470.[3] http://discovery.ucl.ac.uk/1311183/1/1311183.pdf

[atypicalfamily-blog]

It’s easy to account for Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) in terms of the number of those who are deployed each year and the billions of dollars they send back home in remittances—money that keeps the Philippine economy afloat. But how do we quantify the cost of the years spent far away from their loved ones?

More on: https://www.rappler.com/move-ph/ispeak/59044-strength-sacrifice-ofw-women

[atypicalfamily-blog]

Kay Inay - a Tribute to all Filipino Mothers and OFWs

[atypicalfamily-blog]

Filling the GAP with Grandparents as Parents

An Article about Grandparents as Parents Written by Sandra Poblete

As a consequence of parents’ increased substance abuse, mental and physical illness, divorce, welfare reasons, monetary reasons, and teenage pregnancy of children, grandparents step in to play the parent role for the neglected children. In any context, family is what drives a person to live life. Family is the root of a person’s existence and is defines a person. Each human being begins their life through relational journeys within families. In a sociological perspective, the social class of a family, the economic level, the mobility of a family, the professions of the members, and the educational levels of the members affect the interaction of the family members and how they are socially organized and taken care of. Here, in a family, is where we are taught our principles, values, customs, and norms that we live by. However, if a parent is unable to meet the needs to support their children, grandparents are always willing to help out and take good care of the children. A Grandparent family is recognized where there exists a grandparent-grandchild relationship in a family while there is no existence of a parent-child relationship. The Grandparent-headed household has been a family type existing since 1997 and has been increasing for over 60%. For some cases, this relationship and family type may be seen negatively, in some cases it may be seen positively for the rights of the children. According to Baker (2010), the United States has a substantial increase in Grandparents taking care of their grandchildren. Certain issues have been arising regarding having Grandparent families such as the risk of cancer. In the article of Medical News Today (2017), grandparents are seen and being accused of their behaviour impacting the children of getting cancer. Certain behaviours would be the kind of diet they give the children, excessive smoking, drinking, and physical exercise. Another issue according to The Huddersfield Daily Examiner stating that Grandparents are being put at risk as parents because they are saying no to giving children flu vaccinations. Coming up with a flu is a serious condition and may cause detrimental outcomes to people. Another arising issue would be that the grandparents give too much love to the children that they end up spoiling them with all of their wants and sweets. However, it is seen as well that grandparents make the best fit for parents when it comes to raising children. Check this link out to see an episode of the beauty of a grandparent raising a grandchild: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0FztEZzp30. On another note, grandchildren ultimately love their grandparents. This is evident in this video of a Grandparent Day song existing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-xz1scdRfY. This goes to show how important grandparents are to children. Pillars of wisdom and unlimited credible sources of support and an underlying understanding are presented by grandparents to grandchildren. According to Aged Care Channel Australia (2017), grandparents are the key to a child’s development as they are wise, essential, fun, and connected with the world. The positive influence grandparents have on children are overflowing and are profound as they offer only the best. On a personal note, I have actually experienced being raised by my Grandmother. To me, my grandmother is someone I treasure very much because she has always been close to my heart. She was the one who would always teach me, help me with my homework, always talk to me and give me helpful advice. She would also be the one to guide me in making my decisions and support me in all of my endeavors, as long as it is for my growth. Not only that but she always fed me well and healthy, and also got angry when I was doing something wrong. This of course I knew was for my betterment. I am very thankful to have her in my life for she taught me the purpose of life. Here, we see that a Grandparent-child family may not be bad. Grandparents, in fact, for the very reason of choosing to accept the grandchild of their children is a very admirable sacrifice they take. It shows that they accept to love more than once and to give their all to love and help others. Grandparents are full of love and compassion. They know the meaning already of what it is like to love, be loved, be pained by love, and rejoice over love. I believe that having a Grandparent type of family is a wonderful experience, worth accepting in society, and giving hope to the children and elders. After all, the children and elder combination is a good thing because it allows both parties to learn new and old things.

Grandparents may be old and may be following old teachings, may be shunning the new teachings and ignorant of the new findings of the world, however, they are still the best at providing love and care. Their actions are only done for their perspective of the best treatment for the children. With this, grandparents are ultimately good people and are good parents. References: [1] https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320092.php [2] http://inform.acctv.co/au/grandparents-are-key-to-childrens-development [3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2888319/ [4] https://quod.lib.umich.edu/m/mfr/4919087.0004.105/--grandparents-as-parents-an-ecological-approach?rgn=main;view=fulltext

[atypicalfamily-blog]

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars’ worth of pleasure.

Gene Perret from https://www.spiritbutton.com/grandparent-grandchild-quotes/

[atypicalfamily-blog]

[atypicalfamily-blog]

Grandfamilies: When Grandparents Raise Grandchildren

[atypicalfamily-blog]

Private Adoption: Two Worlds

An Article about Adoption Written by: Romart Aquino

It’s a struggle for parents, especially the mothers, to open up the option of adoption due to financial problems. Oftentimes, this occurs when the mother is still bearing the child. There will be contracts based on legal and illegal basis on how the child is going to be transferred to the receiving parent. The receiving parents might have infertility problems, relationship problems, or altruistic reasons on why they would like to adopt a child. In other words, the process is driven by their personal motives at the highest possible benefits between both parties. Throughout the process, eventually, an agreement is made. Different bursts of emotions, positive and negative, would emerge at the end of the day. This is without the consideration of the child’s emotions first due to the fact that the child is still in conception by the biological mother.

Once the baby comes out, he/she will have no idea that he/she is not actually with his/her real parents. The financially unstable parents would temporarily, or even totally relieve themselves from financial problems once everything has been settled. Furthermore, those who adopted the baby would be considered as the child’s real parents. The “fake” parents would then take care of the child as if it were their real child.  At these point, benefits are attained by both parties. As the child grows, the urge to tell the truth lessens. As early as possible, the truth shall be told for the child to accept easily and grow further understanding the situation that he/she is on. Moreover, this is the part where the “fake” parents would eventually tell the story why it is better to stay with them rather than to stay with the real parents. This is to relieve the pressure on the child to think of finding his/her real parents.

As time passes by, the child eventually grows, he/she would make his/her judgement on who to stay with. This process would emotionally affect the “fake” parents as they are already attached to the child whom they treated as their real family. However, it is also inevitable for the child to be affected emotionally as he/she is also attached with his/her “fake” parents. Moreover, the decision would most likely lean unto the choice of going to the real parents, without the consideration of any legal or illegal bases. This might feel pleasing to the real parents, but they might also feel worried for the receiving parents because there had been a contract agreed upon in the first place. In the end, it eventually depends on the decision of the child  as both parties have no control on it but only influence it.

When the child remains with the receiving parents, everything remains the same. Both parties would still be happy with their decisions in life. There might even be chances of the receiving parents allowing their “child” to visit his/her real parents. There would even be chances where the real parents would be the ones to visit their children. However, when the child goes to his/her real parents, there are potential problems that would emerge. Several cases would be filed by both parties against each other on who gets the custody of the child. Problems would build up and and ruin the families involved in it.

Thus, adoption is indeed a very complicated and a very complex process. One must be prepared on every circumstances that he/she must face in such serious decisions in life. In addition, the welfare of the society should also be considered because in the end, everyone wants to make the world a better place to live in.

[atypicalfamily-blog]

A Story of Love - A Philippines Adoption Story

[atypicalfamily-blog]

[atypicalfamily-blog]

Pagpapasiyang Hinirang

Written by Romart Aquino

Sabi nila, ako’y isang biyaya.

Isa raw ako sa dahilan ng kanilang ligaya.

Kaya ba ramdam ko ang aking pagkakaiba,

Sa paraang iba’y ako’y nilikha?

Ako ay musmos pa lamang noon,

Pero katanungan ko’y agad tinugon.

Walang bahid ng lihim ang balak ibaon.

Walang pagpili sa tamang oras o panahon.

Agad kong nalaman na ako’y isang ampon.

Iniwan ng tunay na magulang noon.

Dahil sa kakulangan nila sa ipon,

Ibinigay ako na parang lumang selpon.

Katotohana’y agad kong nalaman

Kahit na ako ay bata pa lamang.

Ito’y upang agad na maagapan

Ang sakit na dulot ng katotohanan.

Ganumpaman, ako ay maligaya.

Turing sakin ay para bang prinsesa,

Sa paraisong puno ng mahika—

Kahit anong gusto ko’y nakukuha.

Pero sa aking pagtanda,

Unti-unting nawawala

Ang aking taglay na saya:

Tila ba’y mayroong kulang pa.

Ramdam ko naman ang inyong pagmamahal.

Subalit, malungkot ako sa pag tagal—

Na para bang ako ay sinasakal

Ng ‘di nararapat sakin na dangal.

Hindi dahil sa kayo ay nagkulang,

Kundi ako ay nasa tamang gulang.

Kung tutuusin ako sa inyo’y lumutang.

Nawa’y mabayaran ko ang aking utang.

Pasensya na, aking mga “magulang”.

Tanggapin niyo sana ang aking galang.

Desiyson kong ito’y aking hinirang:

Ang balikan ko ang tunay kong magulang.

[atypicalfamily-blog]

"My moms split up when I was about 7, because my biological mom fell in love with a man. I knew my family was different, but it wasn't weird-different, it was just a different kind of family.

Aaron Sachs from https://www.buzzfeed.com/lynzybilling/children-share-their-experiences-of-growing-up-with-gay-pare?utm_term=.yvyzP4M9B#.hoERob7OB