aubang

[aubang]

Random

Ive been staying here in gumaca for a month now, and now Im kind of realizing some stuff again. I feel lost and stuck and puro tambay lang gawa, puro labas pera and walang pasok.

I feel distracted in all aspects. Ive been stuck for quite a while now.

I feel pressured but i cant do anything about it.

its like im the only one thats feeling like this.its like everyone around me has something they hold on to. like a dream, unlike me.. ive been chasing this lost dream. i dont know who i wanna be i dont what i wanna be i dont know which path nor career to take. i just wanna disappear. idk

i wanna see a psych but i dont think i deserve to.

im so lost. idk who i am anymore.

im worried with a lot of things and ive been chasing this kind of high which i think is taking me away from the right path.

i just wanna be able to breathe again

[aubang]

ill start posting here instead

[aubang]

i deleted and restricted social media apps and websites on my phone hehehehehehehe

[aubang]

Oh wow it’s been a while since I opened my tumblr account... and all I can say now is.... it’s so dark in here. I mean who is sheeeee.

She seems so sad and alone huhu now I feel kinda proud and grateful cuz I managed to get out of that situation I put myself into.

AAAAAAAh it really kinda gets better guys, I’m not saying that I’m in a great state of mind rn but it just doesn’t feel the same as before anymore.

I think I learned how to handle myself,,, but mentally, I admit it got worse but I learned how to be ok with it i think. I learned how to not dwell too much, cuz there’s so much in life and yes im still in the process of embracing the whole concept of getting out of my own mind. But my point here is,,, i didnt actually feel that i was getting better but right now after i read some of my old posts, i realized that wow you dont really have to know how to get over something... u just have to get used to live with it until you realize its not there anymore... youre not feeling it anymore.

[aubang]

the fact that i deactivated and uninstalled all of my social media accs.... tells that im not in the good state again rn. idk anymore idk really why am i even alive haha im sorry lord pero pls help me dko na talaga kaya tong naiisip ko please

[aubang]

Can I just leave everyone and tell them I’m dead?

[aubang]

The kidnapping news that has been going on around here in mla are so scary that makes me wanna go leave na haha pls i hope this stops and i hope justice will be served....ive already made up my mind and im leaving

[aubang]

I have to let some things go; the ones that doesnt help me anymore. the things that make my step feels heavier. the things that broke me, the things that hold me back from doing better. I have to let some thoughts go; the ones that make me think im not enough and im not doing enough to be enough, the thoughts that stop me from doing great things. the thoughts that block the other important thoughts. I have to let some poeple go; the ones who tolerate me for doing things that are not good, the people who makes me feel unworthy, the people who controls and manipulate me, the people who I have a good memories with because sometimes, the reason why we cant get over the past is because we’re expecting people to be the same and to treat you the same even when they have changed for a long time ago

I should definitely stop  holding onto good memories with good people when its already completely different now.

[aubang]

i have this feeling like i wanna write a story but i feel like im gonna be triggered for making some scenes that i could actually relate to. damn unstable mental health could really affect you not only on how you see things but as a whole person no?

[aubang]

FFFFUUUUCK ITS JUST SAD THAT I DONT THINK THERE WILL EVER BE A NEXT SEASON FOR TWILIGHT AGAIN FUCK I HATE THIS HUHUH I FEEL ALONE I JUST DONT KNOW ANYMORE

[aubang]

the day we met frozen i held my breath right from the start I knew that I found a home to my heart 

[aubang]

I JUST WANNA FIND OR MEET THE LOVE MY LIFE ALREADY LIKE THE JUGHEAD, THE EDWARD COLLIN, THE DANIEL PADILLA OF MAH LIFE U KNO. IM TIRED OF THIS TRIAL AND ERROR WITH PEOPLE JUST TO SEE THEM LEAVE ME AND MAKE ME FEEL NOT ENOUGH

[aubang]

Forever? Forever

DAMN. I will never ever gonna get over TWILIGHT. MARK THIS ONE.

HUHU I ALWAYS CRY LIKE A BABY EVERYTIME I WATCH THE ENDING HUHU I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS HUHU AND IT MAKES ME JEALOUS AS WELL.

Bella and Edward made me higher up my standards. At least they make me believe that true love still exits and everything is worth the wait. And you have to work together to make the relationship last. FOREVER.

AAAAAAAAH SO MANY REASONS TO PURSUE FILM MAKING SCHOOL AGAIN BUT  I DONT KNOW AS MUCH AS I WANNA TELL GOOD STORIES AND LEAVE MARK ON PEOPLE’S HEART IM AFRAID OF GETTING ATTACHED. HUHU I GET ATTACHED WITH MOVIES TOO MUCH THAT IT BREAKS ME EVERYTIME I FINISH ONE. HUHU KAYA TULOY DI NA AKO MAKATAPOS NG SERIES HUHU IM AFRAID OF CHANGES NA I GUESS BUT ANWS FUCK TWILIGHT ALWAYS GONNA CRY FOR THAT HOW I WISH THEIR STORY WERE TRUE HUHU LEGIT IM SORT OF CRYING WHILE WRITING THIS ONE. I WANNA REWATCH TWILIGHT AGAIN LIKE YUNG DKO ALAM STORY. I WANNA RESET MY MIND. I WANNA FEEL THE SAME FEELING TWICE OR THRICE. THATS THE THIN I HATE ABOUT WATCHING FILMS. I WISH I COULD REWATCH IT WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT WILL HAPPEN AAAAAAAA FUCK KASE HUHU

BYE IM GONNA REWATCH TWILIGHT

[aubang]

ANWS ENOUGH W THESE RANDOM THOUGHTS IN BETWEEN WORK. IMMA GO BINGE WATCH HOW TO GET AWAY W MURDER BAKA ILL BE ABLE TO MASTER THE WAY ON HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MY LIFE. CHAROOOOOOT. I JUST LOVE THE SERIES HEHEHE LOWKEY WANNA BE A LAWYER BUT I DONT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES SO BYE

[aubang]

hmpppppp at fist I really wanted to be a director or any position behind the cam. hehehheheheheh but as time passed I feel like I don’t have what it takes to be someone like that.

[aubang]

At this point. I highkey just wanna go to school and study again eheh. Butttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt I still dont know what I wanna pursue heehhehe too much pressure and opinions around me.And too much intimidation and self doubt and low confidence and low self esteem hahahahhhaa how

[aubang]

People who are manipulative are just so hard to handle. But as someone who knows what its like to be manipulated, I think it’s better if we just understand. I know sometimes it’s just too much but I believe that understanding people is much easier than making people understand.