aubreyplcza

[aubreyplcza]

Aubrey Plaza on Good Hang with Amy Poehler

[aubreyplcza]

Catch the new episode of 'Good Hang with Amy Poehler' tomorrow with Aubrey Plaza.

[aubreyplcza]

Aubrey: I’m convinced enough horniness could break the laws of physics. Einstein just didn’t have the right lab partner. Listen we need a photoshoot of the dogs and you in witch hats. That’s peak wallpaper content. My phone might actually overheat. Please. Any serial killer who wanders in would take one look at me and nope'd right out. Stalkers too. You’re the only late night intruder I’m interested in. So yeah, stop teasing and make the stop, my love. My lips are seriously missing yours right now. I'll cook us dinner and then I can have you for dessert 😏 Aubrey: See, that’s exactly what I mean, you say you can play fair, but then you go and hit me with weaponized compliments. True, this isn’t a humiliation ritual, it’s a slow burn brainwash into your rodent cult. Next thing I know, I’m in full ears and matching shirts, sipping overpriced park lemonade, fully converted. But fine. If I go down, I’m blaming you. My official statement will read 'She pressed the right buttons.'

kathryn: you think being a certain level of horny could defy all physics ? cause i'm starting to think it's possible. oh no, i love the new hair ..😍 whew, tough competition...i personally think we need to meet in the middle here, you get your dog's back in their witch hats, i'll get on mine too and i give you the best of both wallpaper worlds, baby. i do prefer dirty, yes. door unlocked ? you're really living dangerously there, what if it's a serial killer ? a stalker ? don't get me all worried, cause i will be making another late night stop, my love. kathryn: hey hey hey, i can play fair. when i wanna. i just kknow the right buttons to press. do it, go ahead, cause i guarantee even the slightest "ugly" ear's, on you? oh, they'll become ten times cuter on that head of yous. as much as you think this is a humiliation ritual...🙄 mhmm, atta girl, come to the rodent side.

[aubreyplcza]

Mysterious cool person? That’s the nicest way anyone’s ever described me. I'll take it. And good, you should play Xaden. You’d kill it. Broody, dangerous, secretly soft? Sounds like something that could be in your wheelhouse.

Your rumor is a lot more cool than mine. You sound like a mysterious cool person. I would, yeah. I think it'd be fun to play Xaden.

[aubreyplcza]

Have you always wanted to be a dad? Or it was something you thought about when you got married? A whole cellar Pennywise room? Yeah, that’s exactly the detail that would make your wife’s medal feel well-earned. Honestly, she deserves hazard pay. And messing with your co-stars until they can’t decide if they want to hug you or strangle you? I knew you and I were destined to be friends. Lean into it, it keeps them guessing and slightly afraid, which is the sweet spot.

i'll have to do my best to separate the two things when kids come into play, for now, nothing to worry on. i know, i said the same thing when she agreed to marry me. my pennywise collection room moved to a cellular which i think ups the creepy factor of it all. done and done, just for you. yes, we gotta do it right ? and now i mess with my co-stars and make them hate and love me all at once. now that's what i like to hear. looking forward to it.

[aubreyplcza]

Aubrey: Don't you hate it when physics cockblock us? Because I do, and we need to find a way to go against it. Yeah? You like the hair? I figured it was time for a change. And yes, you made it to wallpaper status, so congratulations, you’re now competing with dogs in witch hats. You’re winning, by the way. And of course I fight dirty. It’s efficient, effective, and apparently gets you all hot and bothered, so why change now? As for that detour… don’t tease me. Because I’ll be wide awake, door unlocked, and already planning how to make you regret giving me the upper hand. Aubrey: What is it with you never playing fair?Listen, if I’m picking them out, I’m grabbing the ugliest pair on the rack just to make sure we’re both equally humiliated. That way when I inevitably cave, I can tell myself it’s irony. But fine… if your hidden magic kingdom has the perks you’re promising, maybe I’ll reconsider my anti-rodent stance.

Kathryn: oh, oh mhm. all finger's point to you, babe. i'm nothing BUT feral when youre plastered all over my screen, don't get me started on this new hair of yours, physics decided to cockblock me. like a damn chew toy,except the only difference is i'm gentle with my phone and it doesn’t taste as nice .I've made it to wallpaper territory ? oh my, it's as if you really like me or something ..😏 you say that as if i've ever seen you fight anything but dirty, honestly, that would shock me more, i'd be equally frightened and turned on. like right now, less frightened but as much as i love edging you with words, how about i make a detour on my way home from these event's tonight - wait up for me ? kathryn: if that's what it takes.... 🪦 🐁 c'mon, not even for mommy ? not even if i show you my own little hidden magic kingdom where the only thing i'm stripped down to is everything but the mouse ears on my head ? or is that another level of rodent cosplay you're not willing to touch ? i'll even let you pick'em out when you steal me away.

[aubreyplcza]

Exactly, protect the brand. Let the world keep thinking Bill’s out there terrorizing children and plotting pranks when in reality he’s just soft with good timing. And hey, a panel is huge. I would’ve been shocked too, but you killed it, no way you could’ve said no. You’re right, though, we take the moments we get, even the brief ones.

i'd never ! i still let the world believe bill can be creepy and pranks a lot when he's sweet and just pranks sometimes. it does and one i fully support. it was — and doing a panel was nice as well. didn't expect it but getting the ask to, i couldn't refuse. you as well. we take what we can get, right ?

[aubreyplcza]

@margqualleys

*slams fist on table* HEIGHT DIFFERENCE!

[aubreyplcza]

Aubrey: A black hole of woe? Sounds about right, NASA should be studying us. And wow, so now I’m responsible for you wanting to make out with your phone like a feral teenager? Evil and rude I can live with. You biting a screen… that’s just hazardous. Let's do that in person 😏I mean, I'm always salivating when I look at the lockscreen on my phone, which is you --- and yeah, I know this is the part where yout think i'm cheesy, shh. Bring your knife play, babe. Just know I fight dirty. And yeah, I’ll lick up the mess like it’s a five-course meal, because apparently that’s my love language. Now stop torturing me with words and come put that insane woman energy where it belongs...on me. Aubrey: Mouse ears? Absolutely not. Over my dead body. Bury me in a shallow grave before you catch me prancing around in rodent cosplay. That said… if you’re the one giving the tour, I’ll tag along. I’ll just be the surly one in the corner glaring at Mr. Mouse while plotting my escape. I’m still stealing you the second the cameras stop rolling, btw.

Kathryn: there might actually just be more torture in us being apart then Provincetown and any disney park combined, we're creating some sort of black hole of woe! i would say keep it up, test my heart rate, but i much prefer you testing my stamina in other ways, but what's even more torturous for me, is i see that smile, or how your eye's light up into the camera...like you've put me in some sort of a trance, and all i wanna do is kiss and bite my phone screen like an insane woman. so evil and rude. but now i'm sensing that dramatic duel being between you and me instead and not the drag queens in those photos, i'll bring the knife play this time, you can lick up the mess, like you do best. kathryn: oh baby wait until i show you where the mouse has been keeping me up between takes, it's pretty swanky and i give great tours of the place 😉 but also, here me out. i get you in some mouse ears too so we match, whatdaya think...?

[aubreyplcza]

Hmm, probably that I live in a lighthouse off the coast of Maine and only come to shore for groceries and indie film shoots. Which… isn’t entirely untrue, except it’s not a lighthouse, it’s just a very tall, weird house with bad Wi-Fi. Yours still wins, though. Would you do the show if they offered?

What has been your favorite rumor that you've heard about yourself? Mine is that I'm going to be playing Xaden in the upcoming Fourth Wing TV show. @hfrpstarters

[aubreyplcza]

This is the best idea in the history of film.

[aubreyplcza]

Aubrey: Needy is such a harsh word… but fine, I’m needy. Sue me. Especially when six days without you feels like being left alone in a room with no windows and only my thoughts for company. And yeah, Provincetown’s fun torture game was weak, zero knife throwing, zero dramatic duels, not even a mildly threatening magician. I’m glad you enjoyed my little photo dump, though. If my grin gets your heart racing, I’ll have to send you a few more just to test your stamina. And babe, you could take my spot, but I’d make it a blood sport first. Aubrey: Oh, it’s 100% a promise. And now that you’ve brought Mr. Mouse into this, I’m definitely showing up. Unlimited churros and you? That’s a lethal combination. I’ll be pretending to be part of the crew while plotting how to steal you between takes. Hope Disney’s ready, because I bite.

Kathryn: tsk tsk, my woman's so needy....😙 well clearly provenance town is slacking on their fun torture activities, like where's the knife throwing ? honey, i was living vicariously through your photos and nats, and though i didn’t enjoy the not being there part, i do enjoy seeing you have fun, and that sweet little grin of yours, get's a girls heart racing. but i could never take your spot, baby, i feel like you'd fight me for it. Kathryn: umm you say that like a threat ? but i'm taking it as a promise. i'll unfortunately still be working here all week, but, i might've had a word with the head disney boss, mr mouse and he said i can invite someone to come keep me company when the camera's aren’t rolling. i get unlimited free churro's by the way

[aubreyplcza]

Aubrey: Babe. Aubrey: Stop working and pay attention to me 😑. I’m back from Provincetown and six days without you was actual torture, and not the fun kind I’d sign up for. But despite everything, I had a good time. Blake and Nat were their usual delightful asshat selves. Nat wouldn’t shut up about you, which confirms my sister officially likes you more than me. And if I don’t see you soon, I’m crashing your set. you've been warned. / @kahahns

[aubreyplcza]

See, that was a perfectly fine introduction. You didn’t burst into flames or start talking about the weather, so you’re already ahead of most people in this business. Also, I saw your Jurassic World movie. Loved it. You were great, the dinosaurs were terrifying, and now I’m reconsidering every hike I’ve ever taken just in case something with teeth shows up. Hold onto those last weeks of summer, Jonny. Autumn has a way of finding us whether we’re ready or not.

All these years in a business where connections are perhaps the most important part of the job, followed by remembering your lines, and I'm still terrible at introducing myself. Hello, I'm Jonathan. You're welcome to call me Jonny. My summer has consisted of embracing some 90s nostalgia, after starring in a movie that's an iconic franchise from my youth. Who knows what my autumn has in store, but I won't wish away these last few weeks of summer. @hfrpstarters

[aubreyplcza]

Bribing a raccoon, yeah, that feels on brand for you. Just make sure it’s not with anything you actually want to keep, because those little bandits don’t negotiate. And good, you agreeing to dress up without a fight means I get full creative control. You’ve been warned. I definitely have the time to hang out. Let’s do it. I just saw the first half of Wednesday season 2 and… holy hell, you were incredible. Dark, sharp, creepy perfection, I may have clapped alone in my living room like a weirdo.

I could see that happen. I would probably try to bribe a raccoon if we're being honest to try and show me the way out. You already know that I'll do anything with you, so let's dress up next time. I am in. It was great to see you and get to hangout, and let's try to do it again. Are you going to be busy now with work, or do you have some time to do something? Let's plan a day downtown.

@aubreyplcza

[aubreyplcza]

keep the fever dreams in the fever dream category, kids are a long con. And yeah, she definitely must be made of strong stuff if she signed up for life with you willingly. Give her my respect… and maybe a medal. Glad you’re making time before disappearing into Serious Actor Land. I’ll see you soon, just be warned, I plan on making the haunting count.

nah, that's just my fever dreams — but i'm sure it's a good jumpscare and maybe prank for some. well, if the day comes, we'll see, won't we ? for now, just enjoying my marriage and time with my amazing wife as i can. haha, i will. i'll text such to her. she must i mean — she married me. it sounds like the vibe if you ask me. done and done, i'll make some time before i'm stuck. i'll see you soon then ?

[aubreyplcza]

Good. I’ve got a reputation to maintain, so don’t go around telling people I can be nice, it’ll ruin everything. Weird snacks and music swaps sound like a solid survival plan. And yeah, Comic-Con was a trip. Weird, loud, full of people in spandex, my natural habitat. It was really fun seeing you there, even if it was brief.

which just means they're special to you and makes me feel incredible, just so you know. i won't expose you, promise. yes, sounds like a plan. i'll come your way now. i shall and i got a few for sure to share snack wise and always got some music on my playlist ready to share. yes, couldn't skip out on comic con.