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For anyone who needs to hear it right now: he’s not going to find someone better than you. And no new girl is going to do the things you did for him, and he’ll realize that. Maybe not right away, but one day he’ll wake up at her apartment and there won’t be coffee waiting for him and he’ll realize how much you actually did for him, and for a brief second it’ll hurt him, right in his chest. And no matter how quickly he moves on, no one will know all the things you know about him. That’ll take years. And he won’t have the level of comfort he had with you and that’s noticeable. And at first, new things are exciting but that wears off and he’ll realize all the stories she doesn’t know and the years worth of inside jokes she wouldn’t understand and the tears she wasn’t there for and all of a sudden his new toy won’t seem so shiny. You aren’t replaceable and you aren’t expendable and you aren’t forgettable. People leave and they move on and sometimes it’s a mistake and sometimes they realize that. But sometimes it’s not and sometimes you both have separate happy endings.
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You are not the judgements made,
Nor the compliments you’re paid.
You’re not what your brain decides
To call you late on sleepless nights.
There is not a way on Earth
In which to quantify our worth.
We were meant but to be free,
Whatever shape that you may be.
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Trek to Faith
If you ask me one thing that I know about myself and that what is known to people, that would be the fact that I am not very religious. Even though I was baptised in an Aglipayan church, I am quite sure that my attendance grade for the past 19 years would be a clinging 4.0. I’ve had had some appearances to some other religions hoping a different perspective would open my heart about this matter. After some times, I realize that I was doing it for someone and not for myself. My attendance gradually slowed down until I completely dropped myself out.
I knew my mother is concerned about the inactivity of my religious facet so she tries to casually ask me to go to church with her every Sunday mornings. Eight over ten will have to be politely refused. Two of that ten would be to not completely disappoint her. One of the two was the 4th Simbang Gabi. And now as I am looking at the priest at the altar, listening to him forgive my sins, I came into a realization that this should be not a matter of religion but a question of faith — and committing to it.
I've always found hypocrisy inside the holy temple. I usually hear people say, "I just came from His house, I must be good," then he'll be back to being the sinner. We all sin of course, but does really going to church and have the priest talk to God to forgive you will 'un-sin' you? If it does, then that must be a great mind trick. "I don't need a priest to tell me what is right and what is wrong," says one of my professor. Religion is a very sensitive matter -- that must be why I keep holding myself back. To clear things out, just because I'm not religious does not mean I don't have faith.
Why do we have to choose how to believe in Him? How to praise Him? Why can't we just believe in Him? Why do we have to decide which is the right way to pray? Why can't we just communicate with Him? Why do I have to be an evil because I don't go to church? And how does going to church make someone a saint? How is it that religion breaks the world apart? Let's not talk about religion. Let's focus on our faith.
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