aurelianpen

[aurelianpen]

got a case of the needing to make out. terminal.

[aurelianpen]

the years have made me weird and strange to talk to. but still i must post

[aurelianpen]

i saw a girl on tiktok who put her salt lamp in the dishwasher and didn’t realize it would dissolve, and it’s been on my mind for like 3 days

[aurelianpen]

okay now that we’ve a had couple lesbian blockbusters and milfs are having a romance moment, we need to bring back the manic pixie dream girl. she was never fuckin suited to fixing all the problems of some boring twenty year old everyman, but you know who could actually benefit from a quirky free-spirited blue haired girl with pronouns (she/they)? a newly divorced forty-something mom who’s trying to learn how to be herself for the first time in her life

[aurelianpen]

the more things change the more they stay the same

[aurelianpen]

raising my son on a strict media diet of Portal, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Mythbusters in an attempt to resurrect the extinct species Pre-Gamergate Smug Nerd Boy

[aurelianpen]

Hey everyone, remember that being sick or healing from injuries is a hard time for your body. You have to eat a lot and lay still and be kind to yourself! [large neon sign that says HYPOCRITE descends from the ceiling and points at me] Hey what the heck what's this who put that there

[aurelianpen]

[aurelianpen]

hey uhhhhh mehmet i got good news and bad news about the watervine thing. the good news is that i found what was eating the water vine. the bad news is uh

[aurelianpen]

i have no interest in watching any of the human centipede movies but the imdb description of human centipede 3 is downright baffling.

"as a solution to his problems" what problems could he possibly be having that could be solved by creating a 500-person human centipede. i feel like creating and sustaining a 500-person human centipede is infinitely more work and creates a whole host of new problems than not creating a 500-person human centipede

[aurelianpen]

[aurelianpen]

If a bunch of New Yorkers moved to an area of Italy and started killing all the Italians that got near them we would call them fucking insane regardless of if their great grandfathers were Italian. Ancestral connection to the land is not the same as right to own the land.

[aurelianpen]

[aurelianpen]

inside me there are two lungs. and one liver. one stomach. a few meters of intestine. there's a lot inside me actually

[aurelianpen]

[aurelianpen]

Fortune Teller reading my palm: It just says “yikes.”

[aurelianpen]

mr sandman was playing in this gas station and the cashier and i both sang “man me a sand” at the same fucking time without hesitation