author-alana

[author-alana]

i adore your work! I was wondering if you could write about schlatt confessing to you in the stupidest way ever?

THISSSSS!!!!!! i needed this ask desperately thank you so much. You said stupid so I went with stupid, but lovable. And I could see this happening. I genuinely had so much fun with this. Thank you for the request 🙏🤩🤩

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Schlatt was never quiet. Not with his friends, not on camera, and definitely not when he was working up to one of his ridiculous rants. You’d seen him chew someone out over bagels and scream into a mic about corporate greed. The man could fill a room with his booming voice and trademark laugh. But with you? He wasn’t loud. He wasn’t brash. He wasn’t even trying to be funny half the time.

Around you, Schlatt was... soft.

It had been a gradual thing, this shift in his personality. When you first met him through mutual friends, he was as bombastic as ever, cracking jokes and tossing out snide remarks with a self-satisfied smirk. You thought that was just who he was, a loudmouth with a heart of gold buried deep, deep under layers of sarcasm. But then you caught him in quieter moments: brewing you coffee without being asked, staying up late to help you with a project even when he had his own work to do, the way he always looked at you like you were the only one in the room.

And now? Now you weren’t sure if the flutter in your chest was from his laugh or the way he smiled at you when no one else was around.

Schlatt, for his part, was spiraling. He’d never been good at feelings, much less talking about them. All he knew was that he couldn’t stop thinking about you. How you looked when you laughed at one of his dumb jokes, how you seemed to brighten up his whole world just by walking into a room. He was smitten, and it was starting to drive him insane.

So, naturally, he decided to confess.

But this was Schlatt we were talking about. He couldn’t just say how he felt like a normal person. No, he had to make it a thing.

Which was how you found yourself on your couch one Friday evening, confused as hell as Schlatt paced back and forth in front of you, muttering to himself and holding... a PowerPoint clicker?

“What’s going on?” you asked, watching him with a mix of amusement and concern.

He stopped mid-stride and turned to you, pointing the clicker like it was some kind of weapon. “Shut up and let me do this, alright?”

“Do what?”

“The presentation,” he grumbled, stepping to the side to reveal your TV screen, which now displayed the title slide of what appeared to be an actual PowerPoint presentation. The title read:

"Why You Should Date Me: A Comprehensive Analysis by Schlatt."

You blinked. “You’re kidding.”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” He hit the clicker, and the slide changed to a picture of himself giving a thumbs-up, surrounded by a truly absurd number of clip-art hearts.

“Schlatt—”

“Nope, you said you’d hear me out.” He cleared his throat, suddenly looking uncharacteristically nervous. “Alright, slide two.”

The screen switched to a bullet-point list titled "Key Features of Schlatt."

Has mutton chops (very masculine).

Funny as hell (you laugh at my jokes, admit it).

Makes great pancakes (citation: you said so last week).

Will watch shitty rom-coms with you without complaining (that’s dedication, babe).

You were trying not to laugh, but the combination of his serious tone and the utterly ridiculous content was making it impossible. “You’re out of your mind.”

“Yeah, well, you like that about me, don’t you?” he shot back, hitting the clicker again.

The next slide was titled "Statistical Data."

It featured a bar graph labeled “How Much I Like You” with the bars labeled “Normal Amount” and “Way Too Much.” Naturally, the second bar was comically taller.

“Oh my God,” you said, burying your face in your hands.

“Hold on, I’m not done yet.” He clicked again, revealing the next slide:

"Real-Life Applications."

This slide was a ridiculous flowchart that began with “Date Schlatt” at the top. Arrows led to outcomes like “Free breakfast every Sunday,” “Terrible but endearing jokes,” and “Someone to scare off your exes.”

“Is this a joke?” you asked, biting back a smile.

“No, it’s a compelling argument,” he said, deadpan. “Now, moving on.”

The next slide was titled "Frequently Asked Questions."

“What if I say no?” You won’t, because I’m irresistible.

“Are you serious about this?” Dead serious. This took a week

“Why now?” Because if I don’t tell you now, I’m gonna lose my mind.

You couldn’t hold back your laugh this time, and Schlatt’s ears turned red, but he kept going, determined to get through it.

Finally, he clicked to the last slide, simply titled "The Proposal."

There was no text, just a poorly drawn picture of the two of you holding hands.

“Schlatt—”

“Look, I know I’m an idiot,” he said suddenly, cutting you off. His voice was softer now, all the bravado gone. “But I want to be your idiot, alright? And I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you how I feel for months now, and this was the best I could come up with. So, yeah, maybe I’m not good at this, but...” He trailed off, running a hand through his hair. “I like you. A lot. And I’d really like it if you gave me a shot.”

You stared at him, the absurdity of the presentation fading as his words sank in. There was something so him about the whole thing—over-the-top and ridiculous, but also genuine in a way that made your heart ache.

“You’re an idiot,” you said finally, smiling as you stood up.

He blinked, looking momentarily crushed. “So... is that a no, or—”

You cut him off by pulling him into a hug, your face buried in his chest. “It’s a yes, you idiot.”

“Oh.” He hesitated for half a second before wrapping his arms around you, a laugh rumbling in his chest. “Well, uh, good. Because I had a whole second half planned if you said no, and it was gonna get really pathetic.”

You pulled back just enough to look up at him, grinning. “More pathetic than this?”

“Hey, don’t knock the PowerPoint,” he said, a mischievous glint returning to his eyes. “That thing took me hours.”

“Hours you could’ve spent just talking to me, you dumbass.”

“Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?”

You rolled your eyes, but the smile on your face was impossible to hide. “I guess I’ll let it slide this time.”

“Damn right you will.” He leaned down, pressing a quick, awkward kiss to your forehead before pulling back with a sheepish grin. “So... dinner tomorrow? Or should I whip up another PowerPoint to convince you?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Just dinner. No PowerPoints.”

“Deal.”

[author-alana]

lyrics from A Very 1999 Christmas that got me fucked up:

- if you just grab me tight

- your lips look delicious/your lips taste delicious

- anytime he says 'beautiful' (beautiful, what's your hurry?)

- baby it's *bad* out there (oough)

- I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell :)

- mind if i move in closer?

- HAPPY HOOOLIDAY

- let it s n o w

[author-alana]

I’M NOT CRYING TO MY OWN EDIT I SWEAR

[author-alana]

my honest reaction.

i cant deal with vocals like this. i am going to tattoo the soundwaves on my brain SCHLATT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

[author-alana]

the way he's soo cheekily says "baby its bad out there!" asdfghjgfddsfdghfgdfsafsak I'm literally kicking my feet he's sick!!1

I WAS FULL FACE RED WHEN HE DID THAT. he is so sick in the head for dooooing that !!! what the actual FUCK !!!

here's the part if anyone is wondering, nghhdh.

[author-alana]

okay here r all of my thoughts on a very 1999 christmas!!!

first of all the album is a 10/10, absolutely fan fucking tastic he knocked that shit outta the PARK!!!!!!! i’m absolutely startstruck. and his vibrato???? are u kidding me??? how he still has the nerve to say he can’t sing i have no idea

let it snow

- that “grab me tight” ad lib, no pun intended, has me gripped by the throat. dear god.

- amazing pick for the first track of the album

baby it’s cold outside

- three words: creamed my pants… who said that

- i have too much to say so i will say nothing at all

white christmas

- dear LORDDDD his vocals on this one are SO insanely smooth and soft and beautiful…

- one of if not the best track on the album. haven’t decided yet tho

the christmas song

- smooooooooooooooth. makes me think of slow dancing in the kitchen while making cookies …. <3

santa claus is coming to town

- jazzy n fun!!! i love it, i feel like i can hear his lil smirk while he’s singing

have yourself a merry little christmas

- SO DREAMY… makes me feel like i need a hot chocolate by the fire

- i know his stupid ass was grinning when he had to sing make the yuletide GAY

happy holidays

- THIS ONE IS SO FUN!!!! it reminds me of hanging out in the living room with family while decorating the tree and now i’m just imagining schlatt decorating… cute

- the riffs on the second “upon his back” and the last “coming down the chimney down” ARE SO SMOOTH.

it’s the most wonderful time of the year

- CLASSIC. he hit that shit. so fun

- the drawn out lower notes with the vibrato oh my lordddddd.

[author-alana]

I'm actually gonna be sick. SAVE SOME PRETTY FOR THE REST OF US?!

he’s so boyfriend i’m gonna be sick 🥲🥲

new from phin’s insta @/phinttv <3

[author-alana]

He's so me fr

he is so me, unfortunately. i can't tell you how many times i have been terrible in comforting people because my autistic brain ONLY works in a 'problem/solution' manner. left brained autistics unite !!!

[author-alana]

Hey you. Yes you. Have some Schlatt art I just did bc your cool

WAHHTTATTT!!!!! AHH!! SOOOO GOOD!!! I LOVE THIS ART SM <3

THE EYEBROWS AND HE LOOKS SO MAD, THIS IS SO CUTE <3333

THE LIL EARS AND THE HORNS ARE SO CUTE TOO AHHH, THIS IS SO AWESOMEE GAHHHHH

[author-alana]

I CANT DEAL WITH THIS MAN ACTUALLY

how I feel with these particular lines. HIS VOICE IS SO SILKY IM TWEAKING

[author-alana]

luvv when we get this rare angle of him

[author-alana]

Personally I need a Baby It's Cold Outside open duet version or I'm going to explode

idk what do you guys think

[author-alana]

redraw of some of my first schlatt art from almost FIVE YEARS AGO 😭😭😭

big versions v v

[author-alana]

is anyone else constantly afraid they’ll be “caught” doing stuff they’re obviously allowed or even supposed to do

[author-alana]

jschlatt funny as hell for acting like mcrp fandoms conjured his character out of nowhere when he was fully talking about shit like this in 2019

[author-alana]

[author-alana]

his voice in this i’m on my KNEEEES