authorofemotion - Tumblr blog

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not now mom i’m wasting my life on a website the entire internet believes to be dead

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When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

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today i am absolutely crying with laughter over the idea of rangers with seasonal allergies.

sniffly, sneezy, miserable rangers who get sinus headaches and avoid people as much as possible so they don’t lose their “rangers are black magicians” rumours due to a poorly stopped sneeze giving them away.

terrifying rangers who lose their voices and sound like they’re chewing gravel when they demand bandits put down their weapons.

rangers who look constantly furious because their eyes are dry and blurry so they’re glaring and squinting at everything but can still somehow hit targets with their arrows.

and then it rains, and the pollen gets mostly knocked out of the air, suddenly the rangers with allergies are all back out in force, and rumours begin to not commit crimes on rainy spring nights, least the rangers somehow invariably discover you and hunt you down with supreme vengeance.

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yeah i could go for a beverage

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If We Were Villains sketch page

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me when one of my girlmutuals posts about how they got a little coffee beverage or took a nice walk or started a book they've been meaning to read for a while or otherwise found meaning and joy in simple pleasures

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(through gritted teeth) I am HOPEFUL and ENTHUSIASTIC about life. There are things in my future I am LOOKING FORWARD TO and I WANT to live

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Peacocks are hilarious, really. They really are just like

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Just checking.... We all pronounce Miette like My-TAY in our heads, right?

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Dungeons and Dragons: A new generation.

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There may be the horrors but consider there could be a pretty woman commuting to New York on that train you are considering taking

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im actually really fun when youre first getting to know me and then you get to know me a little better and you realize i am not fun at all. like not even a little bit. and now youre trapped with me in a hole in the ground. and then several years later maybe im fun again. in the hole.

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You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me