autisticawesomeness-archive-blog - Tumblr blog

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

Official announcement: I’m either going on a long hiatus or I’m leaving.

I’ve noticed that this site is making me more stressed than it’s worth, so I’ve decided to either take a long hiatus and come back when my mental health is in a better place, or I’ll just leave forever. While I might delete my blogs in the future, for now, I will simply make them inactive archives.

Thanks to all my followers, and my mutuals especially, for sticking with me for this long, and I hope that you will either continue to thrive in the cursed soil of this hellsite, or will escape its clutches soon, whichever suits you best. For now, goodbye.

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

to autistic people who are semi-verbal, non-verbal or selectively verbal - i want to say a few things

we are not defective

it is not wrong for us to either be unable to speak at times, or to not be able to speak at all

it is not wrong to need communication tools to help us during those times

we shouldn’t be forced into situations that make us uncomfortable, ones that force us to speak if we can’t or don’t want to

society views it as wrong to be this way, but it is not wrong

this is natural for us

this is how our brains are

it can be frustrating when we can’t convey what we are thinking and some neurotypical people don’t understand us, but all we need is understanding and patience

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

Reasons you might like The View Down

main character is a queer autistic black man who cannot make eye contact or hear tone

main love interest is a queer asian guy with rheumatism 

every single character is queer and a person of color, and four of them are trans

set in Regency England but in a good timeline with no bad shit so NO homophobia, sexism, or sexism

main arc of the story is about autistic man becoming comfortable with stimming

written completely in a period-accurate style with simplified but correct grammar and verbage

written by queer autistic trans person

only $5 digital download

Check it out bc other people might like it! if one big blog reblogs this i might be able to pay my rent!

link

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

neurotypical society: love yourself w.w

me: ok

me: -respects myself enough to know that i shouldn’t have to fit into neurotypical society standards in order to be treated as a person with their own thoughts and feelings-

neurotypical society: wait no not like that.

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

#NotAPuzzlePiece

this autism awareness week (26th march-2nd april) / month (april), i thought the autism community could fight against the stereotypes and cliches and explain why we’re not puzzle pieces and are already whole, real people with the hashtag #NotAPuzzlePiece across social medias. this time of the year is always swarmed with allistic voices talking about all the suffering they’ve been through and what’s “wrong” with us, and i thought that this could be a cool way to educate them and get our voices heard.

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

I’ve seen people feel bad because they’re struggling to see their autism positively, or feel bad because they have moments where they wish they weren’t autistic, even if they’re generally positive

Don’t feel bad. Autistic positivity can be a difficult thing to have for some, especially with all the ableism in the world. And autistic positivity isn’t seeing all the good sides and not recognising the bad. We all have moments where we wish we didn’t have a certain trait, autistic positivity is embracing the good sides of autism whilst recognising the symptoms that can make things challenging

If you feel bad because you’re trying to see autism positively, but are struggling, don’t worry. It can be a slow process, it’s not something that happens overnight

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “but you don’t look autistic” I’d be a millionaire by now.

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

how to get a samefood that isn’t horribly, horribly unhealthy

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

How is drug abuse related to autism???

hmm. i wouldn’t say drug abuse is intrinsically related to autism. however, here is a post that explains the most common predicting factors in drug addictions.  this is relevant as it’s easy to logically understand how these things may affect autistic people differently to other people. [note: i am not an addict, and do not wish to speak over those who have experience that i do not. i am also not a medical or psyche professional: these details are logical extrapolations based on information from more knowledgeable people] 

firstly, while a low socioeconomic position is not solely dependant on whether someone is autistic or not, autistic people often struggle to find work, the rules of disability allowance in many countries prevents people on disability benefits from saving significant amounts of money, and rates of autism among the homeless population are 3000% to 6000% higher than in the general population (very good source)

secondly, lack of socioemotional support may be even easier to understand in terms of autism, as social and emotional differences and difficulties with interpersonal connections mean that many autistic people are left without meaningful support networks. 

thirdly, lack of access to institutional support beyond basic needs is something that much of the population lacks. the post explains this well and in detail, so here i will only touch on a few factors specific to autism. autistic people are more likely to develop additional mental health problems and/or comorbid disorders. the lack of adequate mental health support therefore affects them highly. additionally, this factor also includes lack of autism services to begin with. this means a lack of help to cope in a world ill-designed for autistics, lack of support for functioning, finding work, social skills, routines, or any of the factors that cause autistic people disproportionate amounts of distress. also, lack of anti-stigma work or campaigns means there is little done to dismantle the damaging effects of ableism that autistic people face every day. intersectionality can not be ignored here; systems of institutionalised oppression are large factors contributing to lack of institutional support. for example, institutionalised racism means people of colour face face social and economic oppression (eg, poc are disproportionately more likely to be homeless). furthermore, autism often goes undiagnosed in people of colour as it is more likely to be written off as “disruptive behaviour” or “being difficult” due to a racist cultural lack of empathy, therefore further excluding autistic people of colour from accessing institutional support. 

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

there is absolutely no “”safe”” or harmless way to cure or fix an autistic child’s behavior or make them act allistic, there is no good way to do it, and no good reason. get that shit outta my fucking face

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

Masterpost: Autism and Romance

In honor of Valentine’s day, here is a special post about being autistic and in a relationship!

For an autistic person, being in a romantic relationship can come with its unique challenges - but it can also be very rewarding, sometimes in ways that neurotypicals cannot experience.

First of all a small aside: I have no scientific source for this, but anecdotal evidence and some community surveys seem to suggest that autistics are more likely that the general population to be asexual and/or aromantic. But I’d also like to note that while we are often infantilized and portrayed as uninterested in/ unable of having romantic and sexual relationships, many of us do want and have such relationships. So whichever way you decide to go with your autistic characters will be realistic, though it would be very nice to see autistic people in happy relationships get some more representation.

Here is a second aside: I will talk in this post about healthy relationships and the challenges and rewards that come with them, but many autistic people get stuck in abusive relationships because we can be easy “preys”. I won’t get in more depth about this in this post but it’s a good thing to keep in mind.

Now that this is said, let’s get into the heart (HAHA, get it, because it’s Valentine’s day) of the matter. First of all, before your character is in a relationship, they have to find one. This can be particularly difficult for an autistic person. Our social skills in the area of flirting are usually not very good, or even completely inexistent. We tend to be very blunt and honest when communicating our feelings (not true of everyone of course but it’s a general tendency), which can do it for some but usually throws people off. We can also have a lot of difficulty with recognizing when we are being flirted with or when someone is interested in us, which makes reciprocating even more difficult. Many of us also have a problem with the concept of flirting in itself: in addition to not knowing how to do it, we can have trouble understanding its purpose. My reasoning goes along the lines of “I don’t know this person well enough to know if I’d want a relationship with them, so I’d rather get to know them better before doing anything”. So our idea of flirting can often be “let’s make friends”, which others might translate as “they’re not interested”. We can also have quite different ways of showing our love and affection, so that doesn’t help.

But your character, like many of us is charming, passionate and quirky in a way that people find cute, and they end up finding a person who goes past their initial awkwardness and becomes their significant other. Great!

Here are, in no particular order, some challenges the pair might encounter and have to work around. I’ll talk about some possible solutions, but just like in any relationship, the one magical thing is communication!

If the autistic person has alexythymia (trouble understanding one’s feelings and emotions), their feelings for their partner or for other people can be unclear even to them, which can cause frustration, jealousy, and tension in the relationship. Working out what the feelings are can take a lot of time, so in that situation, the partner would have to be patient and understanding of their significant other’s issues.

If the autistic person in the relationship is nonverbal or can’t pass for neurotypical at all, there can be issues of ableism, especially if their partner is allistic. While they can of course love their autistic partner very much, they might feel a bit ashamed, especially when introducing them to other people such as their parents. Ableism also takes time to be unlearned, and in this kind of situation educating the third parties about autism can be very useful so they don’t make insensitive comments which would just make the situation worse.

The autistic person will probably have trouble picking up on their partner’s body language and nonverbal communication, and might not realize for instance if they’re upset, uncomfortable with something or if they need something. This can be a breeding ground for resentment. The best way to counteract this is for the autistic character to tell their partner about their difficulty and asking very explicit questions such as “How do you feel about this?” or “Are you okay?” quite often. Over all, a couple or relationship with at least one autistic person in it will probably require a lot more explicit, direct, open communication than a neurotypical relationship to work smoothly.

If they live together, the autistic character might struggle with not having their own space in which they can unwind, recover from sensory overload, or have meltdowns/shutdowns in private. Possible solutions could be everyone having their separate rooms -if it is possible at all, and even if they sleep in the same bed most of the time -, the autistic person having their small private space (a blanket fort for instance), or the autistic person having a simple signal which means “I need some alone time, could you please step out for a bit”. Once again, these boundaries need to be made clear and explicit: if the partner gets into the autistic’s private space, it could be okay or it could feel like an intrusion depending on the person.

Sensory issues can interfere with the more physical aspects of the relationship, such as kissing, cuddling, or sleeping in the same bed. The beginning of the relationship will probably be a kind of trial-and-error process to find habits which work and are enjoyable for everyone involved. This is especially true if sex is a component of the relationship. Some autistic people don’t tolerate being touched at all, which will probably make sex impossible or unilateral (them being comfortable with touching their partner but not with their partner reciprocating). Others don’t mind being touched (at least by their partner) but might be very particular in terms of what they like and don’t like. So their partner should be adaptable and work with them to find something which is good for everyone. If the autistic person doesn’t want or cannot bear sex/physical affection, their partner has to be willing to forego it in this relationship, or it probably won’t work at all. In this area too, lots of workarounds can be found, so be creative!

If the autistic character is significantly disabled by their autism and if they live with their partner, the latter might end up - willingly or not - being their caretaker, and they might have to do more things for them than they would have to do for a neurotypical partner. There probably are solutions to this problem if the partner is not ready to take on this role, such as hiring a professional caretaker (which is obviously not possible for everybody), but I’d say being upfront about one’s needs (and this goes for everyone involved in the relationship!) is key here.

Once again, the autistic person might not express affection in a typical way, which might leave their partner(s) feeling unloved. This problem can be solved by explicit communication (of the autistic person’s feeling and/or of what kind of attentions their partner would need to feel loved).

These are just some examples, and there are many other issues which can arise from one partner’s autism, or for completely unrelated reasons, just like in any relationship.

But since this is Valentine’s day, after all, it would be sad to just dwell on relationship problems. So let’s have a bit of celebration too! Here are some reasons a relationship can be awesome for an autistic person in particular.

Physical affection can feel really, really good, in a way that most neurotypicals probably wouldn’t understand. Since we’re often very sensitive, the slightest caress, hair stroking… can feel awesome and send shivers down your character’s spine (and I’m not talking sexual pleasure here). Many of us also really like pressure, so hugs and cuddles can be really enjoyable. Physical affection in general can help us fulfill our sensory needs and keep us from being understimulated.

Living with a partner who is understanding of your sensory difficulties can be awesome for sharing tasks if some household tasks, such as cleaning the sink or cooking a specific kind of food, is one of your character’s sensory issues. This is also true for other practical things which can be very difficult, such as ordering food when the couple is eating out.

If your character has trouble making friends, they can probably take advantage of their partner’s friends circle to fulfill all of their social needs; making friends is easier when you have someone to introduce you and a reason to spend time together in the first place.

Being in a relationship with someone often means spending a lot of time with them, and being very familiar with the way they behave and communicate. Having someone that doesn’t ask you why you’ve gone nonverbal, understands your weird language shortcuts and can read what your stims are expressing is a very good feeling. Being understood and not having to explain yourself all the time is a really good feeling. Knowing that someone “gets you” is a really good feeling.

Plus, of course, all of the good stuff that a relationship brings to everyone, autistic or not, such as feeling loved and cared for and knowing that someone has got your back :)

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

mermaid stimboard for Anon

/x/ /x/ /x/  /x/ /x/ /x/  /x/ /x/ /x/

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

I want all young Autistic people on this site to know that they should never have to change themselves to satisfy neurotypicals.

That’s what society wants you to do. And there will be many, MANY instances where you feel obligated to do so. And maybe you will. You might stop stimming for a while because that girl gave you an irritated look, and even though you know you should stand up for yourself you feel so embarrassed and silly that you put your stim toys away.

Believe me, trying to change yourself to make neurotypicals more comfortable is a mistake. All those weird Autistic things you’re embarrassed of may become useful in the real world where clones don’t get far. Don’t look back in five years without any idea who you are because your one goal is to blend in with society.

Being Autistic is beautiful. There is NOTHING wrong with being Autistic. Please don’t change to make some neurotypical kid you won’t even remember happy.

Allistics/neurotypical allies who want to help, REBLOG THIS LIKE CRAZY so maybe an Autistic kid/youth can feel better about themselves.

Autistic people struggling with self-image or anything, feel free to message me 😘

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

Sorry if this comes off ignorant, I don't mean it... My son is 4 1/2 and was diagnosed two years ago. I try to do the best I can and let him be him 💕 but while he's in speech therapy (he's still moving into the idea of talking), schools in the area (private) push ABA for students with autism. But I see young adults like yourself saying ABA is NOT good. I'm more inclined to listen to someone on the spectrum than those not, but what is the issue with ABA?

First, I want to say that I am so glad that you are turning to the autistic community for help. This isn’t an ignorant question at all. There is so much conflicting information out there about ABA that it can be hard to even know where to begin. It sounds like you really want to help your son as best you can which is admirable. 

To start off, not all therapy labeled as ABA is actually ABA. I’m going to explain what the issues are with true ABA and then explain how to figure out if the therapy they are trying to push on your son is ABA or not. 

ABA stands for Applied Behavioral Analysis. It is a scientific method that involves observing the individual in order to identify “target behaviors,” i.e. behaviors that are undesirable to the parents/therapist. Next, aversives, rewards, and operant conditioning is used to eliminate these behaviors and encourage wanted behaviors. Overall, this may not sound like a bad thing, so let’s get into why this therapy is harmful. 

The groundwork of ABA therapy is the idea that autistic people are broken and in need of fixing. Our natural, non-harmful behaviors, such as stimming or lack of eye contact, are targeted as behaviors in need of fixing. The main focus of ABA is making a child “indistinguishable from peers,” i.e. to make the child seem “normal.” 

This often includes things like getting rid of stimming (often with the phrase “quiet hands”) and forcing eye contact in order to make the child less noticeably autistic. The problem with this is that stimming is a coping mechanism for autistic people. We stim to regulate our emotions/senses, cope with stress, and express ourselves. Eye contact can be uncomfortable or even painful for us and being forced to perform it can be just awful. 

Further, changing these behaviors does nothing that is truly beneficial for the child. Instead of being trained out of behaviors that are non-harmful, an autistic child should be taught ways to manage their autistic traits in a way that is useful and productive for the child. For instance, if a child is uncomfortable making eye contact, learning to look at a person’s forehead or nose is a great alternative as most people can’t tell the difference. 

Further, due to the focus on making a child indistinguishable from peers, there is often a push towards verbal speech even when atypical methods of communication like sign language or AAC would work better for the child. 

ABA therapy operates by using rewards/reinforces and punishments/aversives to train a child to perform wanted behaviors and to stop unwanted behaviors. Rewards are withheld until the wanted behavior is performed and aversives are used when an unwanted behavior is performed. Often, foods, such as gummy bears, candy, or other tasty treats, are used as rewards as well as praise or affection, access to a comfort object, break time, stickers or stamps that can be traded for privileges/rewards, or access to a special interest. Additionally, some therapists make use of a clicker, a device that makes a loud click sound originally used for training animals, to indicate that a wanted behavior has been performed and that a reward is coming. 

For aversives, the removal of a comfort object, withholding of snacks, removal of reward items, or prevention of engagement in a special interest are often used. Some therapists also use “taste aversives” like pickle juice, vinegar, hot sauce, or other bad tasting edibles, as well as “tactile aversives” which would be making the child touch something that sets off tactile defensiveness or distress. Withholding praise or affection is also used as an aversive. 

In DTT (Discrete Trial Training), a form of ABA that is considered to be kinder than other versions of ABA, the therapist will not look at, engage with, or respond to the autistic child until the desired behavior is performed. Similar methods are employed when unwanted behaviors are displayed. 

As a treatment, ABA is centered around compliance training, in other words, making a child compliant to the desires of the adults in their lives. Rather than focusing on how to help a child live the best autistic life they can, the focus is put on making the child seem “normal” no matter what the cost to the child. This serves only to make parents more comfortable and does little to help the autistic child as they progress through life. 

Using aversives on a child ranges from bad to cruel depending on the aversive used. Withholding rewards from the child, particularly when those rewards are food or other necessities, creates insecurity in the child. Further, by training a child in this way, the child becomes more vulnerable to victimization. When you are told by all the adults in your life that you must ignore your own pain and discomfort for the sake of adults, how is a child to know when they are being abused? How is a child to know that the adult touching them in that way is wrong when they are forced into hugs which are painful for them? 

You may have noticed that what was described here sounds an awful lot like dog training, and that’s because it is. ABA trains a child in the same way you would train an animal which is dehumanizing. Autistic children are not animals whose behavior should be crafted to suit those around them. Autistic children are unique individuals who need support and care. 

Finally, ABA therapy is often a full time job for the autistic child. Often, 40 hours a week or more of therapy is recommended for optimal results. It is ridiculous to put a child through such a strenuous routine. 

So what are you to do instead? Obviously you want to help your child live the best life possible which is wonderful. There are plenty of therapies that can be very helpful to autistic children. Speech therapy, which you’re already doing, can be great for children who are struggling with verbal speech, though methods of AAC should be provided until the child is able to communicate verbally (and even then, AAC should still be available for times when the child goes nonverbal/semiverbal). 

Occupational therapy to help with sensory integration or motor difficulties or other areas in which the child is struggling. There are also play-based therapies like floor time which can be very beneficial to autistic children. No matter which therapies you utilize to help your child there are a few things to keep in mind. 

First, therapy should be supplemental according to the child’s need rather than the central aspect of their life. If the therapy schedule would be exhausting for an adult, it’s not appropriate for the child. Next, does this therapy help the child live the best autistic life they can or does it focus on making the child appear to be “normal”? Normalization is for the benefit of parents while good therapy focuses on helping the child with things that the child finds problematic such as learning to cope with sensory issues or learning better communication (whether that’s verbal communication or AAC). 

So how do you figure out is what is being presented to you is true ABA or something else masquerading as ABA? There are some questions you can ask to help sort this out. First, though, we need to go over why there are therapies that aren’t ABA calling themselves ABA. In the US, most insurance plans will ONLY cover ABA for autistic children. As such, many therapists who perform other therapies have resorted to labeling themselves ABA in order to be covered by insurance. This allows them to work with children that otherwise wouldn’t be able to access these therapies. As such, what is being pushed for your child may not be true ABA. 

Here are some questions to ask:

What is the goal of the therapy? As we’ve discussed, ABA focuses on making the child “indistinguishable from peers” or normalization. If you hear that phrase, turn away and don’t look back. Even if the therapy isn’t ABA, the goal of making a child appear “normal” is not a useful goal for the child and can be detrimental. 

Does the therapy make use of rewards and aversives? We’ve discussed why aversives and rewards can be damaging to a child. A good therapy for your child will use other means to discourage harmful behavior. 

Does the therapy emphasize compliance? Compliance makes for a “well-behaved” child but does not lead to a healthy, independent adult (which I’m sure is what you’re hoping for in your child’s future). Therapies should focus on helping a child manage any harmful traits they have without forcing them to be compliant to an adults wishes. Just like all children, autistic children will not always be obedient or follow adults’ wishes. This is how it is supposed to be. Children need the space to make their own mistakes and learn and grow. Compliance teaches a child to shutdown their own needs and desires to fit the desires of another. 

Does this therapy discourage non-harmful behaviors? Autistic children will sometimes engage in behaviors that are harmful to themselves or others. These behaviors definitely need to be addressed and worked on. For instance, a child’s stims may physically hurt another person such as grabbing onto other people to stim. This behavior is not ok and a parent/therapist should work with the child to redirect the behavior. However, ABA often focuses on stopping behaviors that are not harmful. For instance, most stimming does not hurt anyone. It may be atypical behavior, but it generally does not hurt the child or anyone else. If a child is being bullied for their stims, that should be addressed with the school to change the harmful behavior of the other students rather than stopping the child from engaging in behaviors that are useful for self-regulation and expression. A good therapy will focus only on discouraging harmful behaviors. 

Are you allowed to observe the therapy as you please? In non-harmful therapies, you will generally be allowed to observe the therapy whenever you wish as they have nothing to hide. If a therapy will not allow you to observe what is being done, then it may be harmful to your child. However, even some therapies that are harmful may allow observation, so, when you do observe, make sure to really pay attention to how they treat your child. 

If the therapy being presented to you passes all of these questions, then it is not true ABA and could potentially be helpful for your child. As we’ve discussed, there are many therapies that can be beneficial to autistic children. Some useful goals of therapy could include:

Changing harmful behaviors- if a child is causing harm to themselves or others, the behavior needs to be addressed and the child should be provided with alternatives to help redirect the behavior. For instance, if a child is playing with their own poop, the child needs to be taught that this is unsanitary and provided with playdoh or other sensory tools to use to redirect the need for sensory input. Similarly, if the child hits others while melting down, one alternative may be providing the child with a pillow or stuffed animal to hit instead. 

Communication- While many therapies focus on speech, the true goal should be improved communication. This may include speech as a goal if that is within the child’s abilities, but it should also include forms of AAC to be used for communication either until the child is able to learn verbal speech or instead of verbal speech if speech is too difficult for the child. AAC can include letter boards, picture boards, text to speech apps, among others. Sign language can also be useful in facilitating communication. 

Managing Sensory Input- Many autistic children are hyposensitive and/or hypersensitive to sensory input. As such, it is important to teach the child ways to manage their sensory sensitivities. This may include managing their sensory diet by setting aside time for sensory play, use of sensory defenders like headphones/ear defenders/ear plugs, sunglasses, or other methods of regulating sensory input, and stimming as a method of regulating sensory input. 

Anything that causes the child distress- If a child is struggling in an area and it causes them distress, that is a good thing to work on in therapy. For instance, if the child is having frequent meltdowns, one of the goals of therapy should be to figure out why the child is having so many meltdowns and find ways to accommodate the child to prevent meltdowns. Similarly, if the child struggles with socializing with other children and is upset by this, social skills classes may be beneficial. If something is upsetting for the child, then it is likely a good goal for therapy. However, if the child is not bothered by something, therapy likely isn’t necessary (unless it is causing harm to the child or others).

So this got super long. I hope I’ve addressed everything you needed covered. If you have anymore questions, you are welcome to send me more asks or check out @autism-asks to get more info about autism. 

Finally, I’m going to leave you with some links that cover ABA from other perspectives:

ABA Masterpost

Why I Oppose ABA as a Method of Instruction

ABA 101

Trauma and Autism

What ABA Is Like From the Point of View of a Former Therapist

Why I Left ABA

I hope this helps you and your son! 

-Sabrina

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

I’ve got another allistic ND person asking me if it’s okay for them to stim.

These questions break my heart, because so many of them seem to be told that it’s an autistic-only thing, that their stimming is somehow disrespectful to autistics. So many of them ask in fear and anxiety, needing the resources offered by general stim spaces or the use of stim toys, yet so afraid of offending me because they’re not autistic.

All I see is an ableist message of folks (usually allistic themselves) telling allistic ND folks that they shouldn’t behave or move like autistics. That they’re denying ND people access to tools, aids and behaviours that might help improve their lives. That they’re making the world less safe for me to stim in public by insisting that stimming remain shoved in the box marked “autistic”, consequently denying me normalisation and acceptance in wider society. That they’re, in the end, just using my diagnosis to justify their ableism.

It is in fact disrespectful to me, as an autistic, to tell an allistic ND and/or disabled person they are not allowed to stim. It is the direct inverse of the respect and support I need from allistic society, and I am tired, so tired, of the harm it does to allistic ND and/or disabled folks who need to, and have every right to, stim.

In 2018, I want to see the making of a world where no disabled and/or ND person ever feels like they need to ask permission of an autistic to stim, use stim toys and interact with general stim communities.

In 2018, I want to see allistics stop making comments on the matter of who has the right to stim.

Because this autistic, and most autistics, will tell you: stimming is for anyone who needs it.

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

Autism: the masquerade

Let’s be honest – for most of my childhood, I firmly believed that I was really, really different from other people. It was that obvious to me. And I was okay being different, for the most part. 

Then I got to my teens and realized that all those Disney messages about being ~True 2 Yourself~ didn’t apply to people with my flavor of weird. Year by year I had less and less in common with my peers. 

The worst times in my life came after I’d convinced myself that I was just like other people on the inside. That I was just as “capable” of normalcy as everyone else, but lazy/spoiled/selfish/depressed/anxious/batshit crazy, and that was why I sank when others swam. But of course I could fit in perfectly fine (or so they told me) if I just abandoned this childish idea of being a Special❄️ Snowflake and actually tried.

So I grimly forced myself into disguise as a ‘normal’ human being. I wore the stupid clothes. I talked like they talked. I went to the noisy crowded places where I couldn’t hear myself think. I assumed it would all feel ‘natural’ at some point (it never did.)

And at some point I realized, this isn’t a struggle for other people. Other people aren’t engaging in an elaborate masquerade just to get by. Other people aren’t silently suffering through this social event. Other people enjoy this. Why can’t I? What’s missing? 

And this is why I’m glad to have finally figured out that I’m autistic. Because other healthy, well-adjusted human beings are doing what comes naturally to them, and I have a right to do the same. Even if “what comes naturally” to me is strange and incomprehensible to others.

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

asexual autistics are great and valid!

aromantic autistics are great and valid!